Jeez I just need a good shake. We had a lovely weekend in the sun, a good break and yet for some reason something feels wrong today and I just can’t relax into the present. I feel really irked again…. my new favourite word. My mind is talking to me and it’s all just noise. Irritating noise. Can you imagine what it’s like having me wittering away at you all the time… oh yeah Craig… sorry 🤣🤣

I know that I need to do something to fix this but I am annoyed with myself for feeling anything other than happy. Boom…. there is is. Writing it down has helped. Today is a bit of an off day and I’m disappointed that I feel sad as there is no reason for it. It feels like a step in the wrong direction. That revelation actually brought tears to my eyes. Writing this blog is such a powerful way for me to explore my mind.

I’m having an off day and that’s ok. It’s allowed. They don’t all have to be perfect.

Craigie got up at the actual crack of dawn to get to the gym this morning. 4.30am!!!!! So, in my wisdom I decided that I too should make the most of the day. 🙈😳

Up at 5.30am to do some shoulder stretches that my friend Diana sent me from America. Designed to loosen up the shoulder tension I spoke about last week. Once I actually managed to get going with them I found that my muscles are so tight, my joints ache and I am totally inflexible. I have basically ceased up in the two years since I’ve been off sick…. guaranteed that’s not going to start you in the best frame of mind for the day but the intention was there.

By 7am I was walking the dogs… unheard of! Met Andy the milkman who asked if I’d got kicked out of the house!!

So I spent the morning making Pawsitive Solutions calls and a bit of adulting paperwork. My head was just spinning with chatter (yeah I know… weirdo!)

My bright and breezy morning didn’t really materialise and has spiralled downhill from there. I just feel exhausted which I suppose is hardly surprising given my 5.30am start for the first time in a very long time. This exhaustion always feels more than just being tired though. It’s a deep seated tiredness which makes everything feel heavy. I think I’ll just have to give in to it and go and have a nana nap for a bit and see if that clears my fuddled head.

Craig was heading out to work again there. The poor guy is so busy just now as this crazy behavioural booker is on his case. 🤣 as he walked out he said you’re not ok are you. I love that he knows and says just to sit back and relax.

I had a sleep for an hour and then was woken up by 3 separate dogs using me as a trampoline! Guess it must be dinner time and they are hungry.

Sorry it’s a short one today. Hope to be back bouncing off the walls with happiness tomorrow but for now I’m sitting out in the garden with a big cardy on, breathing in some fresh air through a snotty nose while the tears flow…. all part of the healing process I guess and need to remind myself that it’s ok. I have survived 100% of my bad days so far. Said to mum this morning… “ jist wan o’ they days”.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️😥