August 15, 2020 – The Rambling Sloth 🦥

What a lovely night we had last night sitting outside until 11.15pm with the fire pit roaring! It’s the best fire we’ve had on it I think…. to sit and listen to the breeze in the trees and the watch the stars appearing in the sky but it never really got that dark.

Someone was loving the last rays of sun! Basking I’d call this…. ❤️

So when I say it hardly even got dark…. it really did and it was fun trying to get everything back up the garden at the end of the night… without tripping over the tartan blankie!! We honestly just had such a lovely time. No pressures, no worries, just nature, fire and a wee bit of singing… maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 special times.

Needless to say it was a slow start this morning. Calaidh an I went out to wash Abbie the camper van.

Abbie with a sheen! Wonder how long that will last. You know I’ve said this a few times but I’m not sure she looks like an “Abbie”…. I have a feeling she needs something more masculine than that…. yeah contradicted myself all the way through that!!!

This made me laugh but actually I’ve learned so much from 2020 that I don’t want to forget it ever happened. It’s been a huge catalyst to allow me to relax into my new way of life without feeling pressure from the outside world.

Feeling pretty thoughtful today and I’ve been looking round mental health sites to advertise my blog a bit. I want to try to expand this to people who don’t just know me but I hope I can help people who have been feeling the same way.

I’m close to my 2 year anniversary of walking out of work as I just couldn’t function anymore. Simple emails sent me over the edge that morning, my breathing was erratic. I couldn’t stop sobbing. I was terrified. Yet now I can calmly sit here and reflect on everything and see just how hard I have had to work and just how far I have come.

Sadly in the UK at least we are masters of our own journey. I had to pay privately for all of my treatment (except CBT towards the end which my old work kindly paid for as they could see how bad a shape I was in). I had to fight for all of this. I had to shout loud when I felt very small. I had to stand up for myself when I felt terrified. I had to try to explain how I was feeling when I couldn’t even make sense of any of it. I had to fight when the last thing I felt like doing was fighting. I wanted it all to end, I wanted to stop being a burden on everyone. Things like this did not happen to me. I had a fantastic support network of family and friends. Yet even with all of them there were times when I felt I couldn’t “moan” to the person I’d just “moaned” to yesterday or the day before. I couldn’t keep draining them….. At times like this support comes from the most unexpected places. People who’ve had a tiny part so far suddenly come big players and others who had a huge part to play at one time in your life just disappear.

I am proud of my people. I am so grateful to everyone who has stuck by me on this journey. To those I terrified when going through my worst.

There are so many of these people in my life now.

So yes…. not sure if it’s the one week of Scottish summer we are having at the moment but I am really loving life just now. We are not going over the fact that we should be on the Isle of Skye just now (tho Craig checked the forecast earlier on and said “oh wow it’s pure sunshine all day… dammit that’s Skye” all in one breath!) Our clouds cleared late morning and it’s been beautiful ever since.