What a beautiful day. There’s not been a cloud in the sky all day.
I’ve had a good day because I chose to do what I wanted to do rather what I should do. I’m not feeling great but I’m not going to give it any power. There’s no reason to feel rotten just now. The sun shone, it’s nearly Christmas and Craig chose my least favourite tasks off the list!!
He did the food shopping while I walked the dogs this morning. I thought the fresh air would be good.
The dogs were great today. I was ready for ambush around every corner, every branch, every twig but thankfully we didn’t need it overthinking brain.
The colours were amazing today 💙 💚
Goat Fell looks spectacular covered in snow in the distance!
Heading back into the village.
What’s this Bhru says?!?
I love this wee cottage in the sun.
The sun at the bottom of the garden.
So I’ve done washing and hung it to dry and moved the sun room around so that I can crochet without the icy blast at the door in Gran’s chair. Such a random thing to do but it made a big difference! I know I could just shut the door but the dogs were running in and out.
I crocheted and listened to music. Added a whole new row onto the blanket. This one jumped up and wouldn’t let me get on with it!! I am under here.
And….. then I went to bed. Electric blanket on and slept for an hour and a half.
The list will have to wait. Once I allowed myself to realise that it was ok.
We watched the Holiday last night which is a lovely Christmas feel good movie and tonight we’re on Love the Coopers. I’m drinking Ikea’s alcohol free mulled wine. Claire got me a bottle the other week. Smells so good.
Wow… I had a rough morning fighting with my head. There were tears before 7am and tears again before 11am but I’ve done my best to work at it this morning and I think I’ve calmed my overthinking.
I’ve brought Abbie the campervan down to work as there’s a auto electrician in that can fix issues I have with the stereo and reverse camera. I feel like I have “worked” in my head all weekend as a result. This was my choice but I’ve spent the whole weekend thinking about things that need done at work blah blah blah…. and things I could have done differently or better.. beating myself up.
I’m worried about Christmas , I feel I “should” be enjoying the run up to Christmas more, soaking up the atmosphere, I’m worrying about what to get everyone but not enough to actually do anything about it. It’s just hanging over me. Christmas is a difficult time for so many people. People put so much expectation on the right gifts, the right meal, having a good time and how many of just don’t click with all that expectation?
So back to the morning, we got up and had coffee after I bent poor Craig’s ear when he say “talk to me about it”…. He should never have asked….. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣
He went off to work and I took the dogs out to “get that over with”…. I actually had a really lovely walk and managed all 3 at once easily.
So I did a poo pick in the garden which is always lovely…… but it’s done and looks so much better. Non dog folks wince at this point!
I got the dogs settled and went through to the bedroom and did a 20 minute Mindfulness Meditation 🧘🏻♀️
Honestly when it started my head was absolutely jumping. If you can imagine a comic with a fight scene….
Not kidding that’s exactly what my head felt like. I could almost feel the punches and kicks being thrown. I reckon after the first 5 minutes of the meditation it finally subsided. Maybe I’ve just got very descriptive in my blog writing days… 🤣 but it really did feel like that.
I then did a Body Shop Vitamin C face mask and sat listening to music. Not just any music but music I used to sing when I was in the church choir as a kid. Faurés Requiem and Christmas carols with descants. I know… ok.. if anyone had seen me I was even more crazy than normal with a white sheet mask over my face and big headphones on “gie’in it laldy” as they say in Scotland.
The singing (with great gusto) caused more tears… stirring up memories of years long gone. Jeez would you listen to me. I sound like old mother time eh?!?
Anyway…. I am finally calm. I’m exhausted but calm.
And now Abbie has her stereo hanging out!!
So it turns out the stereo didn’t have an earth to the handbrake 😳 so I never got full functionality of it as it thought I was always driving… or something like that. 🤷🏻♀️
So all fixed and back up the road by 1.55pm just in time for Christmas lunch at the Gateside Inn… next door.
What an amazing meal. Craig’s had goats cheese tart to start and I had chicken liver pâté. Forgot to take photos…. 🤦🏻♀️
Main courses were Steak Pie with all the trimmings and Roast Gammon.
The sky was amazing again when we left. I spent about 15 minutes in the back garden taking photos.
So it’s 4.30pm and I’m in bed with the electric blanket on while Craig watches the football. Bliss.
I’m like a different person from this morning and the relief is immense. I plan to have a very lazy evening in front of the tree and the fire…. As soon as that football noise stops 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😳🤣
Have to start with last nights trip to the theatre darlings…. 🎭 wow…. Les Misérables in Glasgow’s Theatre Royal was phenomenal. The music is still ringing in my ears.
What a stunning venue to start off with. Don’t think I’ve been there before… I would like to say that this is my photo but I didn’t make it on stage last night!
I did get this…
Thats the most people I’ve seen all in one place for a very long time.
There was a huge queue when we arrived but it actually went down pretty quickly. The first check was the COVID passport to prove we were double vaccinated. The second check was for booze in your bag… and then finally the tickets check.
We got seated with about two minutes to spare.
The show was honestly out of this world. It was exceptional. It’s 4.20pm and I can still hear it all swirling round in my head. I managed to hold it together until almost the last act… 😭
One thing that struck me was I haven’t clapped like that in a very long time either. They got a standing ovation.
The theatre emptied pretty quickly and we got back to the car. It took us an extra half hour to get home as all the slip roads onto the M8 were closed! We were stuck in a queue of folk following each other, hoping that the next slip might be open!!
11.56pm I got into my bed.
4.45am and it was time to wake up for the Fit Body Farm………. Less than 5 hours sleep! I am shattered today. Just about to go for a nap as I can hardly keep my eyes open. We did run loads at the farm too which is always extra knackering!
Craig’s been off today too so we’ve done loads of housework and went to the Gateside Plant Centre to pick our Christmas tree. 🎄
Now I should say that we can see the Plant Centre from our living room window and one year we did actually carry our tree home. We regretted it!! This time we took the car with the roof rack!
Ta dah…… 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
The poor pups have to pose in front of it every year…. 🤣
I noticed the sky outside as we were putting some lights out. It was so red!
And these are our outdoor lights.
I’ve got the electric blanket on now and I’m gonna to get some sleep. It’s a bit late but hey…. Thought I’d show you the headboard as I just wrapped lights around that too!!
So in other news it’s been a costly day for us. Abbie the camper van was in the garage again but that was only £50 to fill some leaks on the exhaust.
We had a toilet engineer… not a plumber… out this morning to fix our Saniflow bathroom which was backing up and water wasn’t flowing away. We have a second bathroom right beside the main bathroom. So random. The folks before us put it in so their old dad could have a shower without climbing into the bath.
We been having waterworks issues for a long time in that bathroom. We turned a blind eye until I realised the shower cubicle had an inch of water in the bottom of it, one day last week. Finally it’s all fixed and we are £194.19 lighter….
For the first time in how many years?!?! I have lost count. I’m off to the theatre tonight to see Les Miserables.
I went into work for 7 so I could leave at 3pm and I’m still rushing. Even leaving early I felt like I was rushing and I’ve not thrown the feeling yet.
Maybe that’s because I preempted that I would have no clue how to get ready or what to wear!!! I’ve had about 4 outfits on and have settled for the best of a causal bunch and I have 15 minutes until we leave!
So I am ready to go and really looking forward to seeing the show. I’ve seen it before but I can’t wait to see it again. I’ve honestly not been out out in years!
I have my covid passport ready to prove that I’m double jabbed before we get in.
Awwww what a lovely day today. She who chattered in my head all day yesterday was silent ALL day today. Not a peep! Isn’t it amazing how it can be so different one day to the next.
If I’m honest I’ve felt shattered since last night. I slept really well but felt groggy when I woke up. I have that lovely silence after the frenetic ramblings of yesterday. It’s no wonder I’m exhausted. I did all Decembers thinking in one day 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣
The Fit Body Farm was great again this morning. I did up my weights on the last exercise and I feels really good when I’m able to do that.
It was super dark when I came out and yet the photo I took looks way lighter.
I’ve been focussed at work and got loads done again but this time without the incessant chatter and put-me-downs. I really am my own worst enemy!!
I’m off to meet the hookers tonight at 7pm. I really need to get the finger out and try and finish my blanket.
So I thought I’d look for some more photos tonight as I’m enjoying that and remember just how many places I’ve been and seen. what to pick tonight?!
It’s 6.17am and I’ve been wide awake since 5am…. Thought I’d put this dead time to good use.
This waking up early malarkey bugs me. I have two mornings a week I get to sleep until 6.30am….. and I’ve not managed it for weeks.
Do you ever hear the voice inside your head that chatters away when you most want to rest. Mine never shuts up in the morning. Since 5am she’s told me that I can’t control my dogs out on a dog walk, my dogs don’t respect me, I must be running out of money about now, scared to check the bank account, how will I afford Christmas, well I can’t to the village Christmas Eve dog walk as I can’t control my dogs in a big group, who would I take, who would I leave behind, then I’ll have to walk the others, how will they be on Christmas Day at our folks house, I’ve no Christmas presents for anyone yet, why have I left it so late, what am I going to get, when am I going to buy them, how will I afford them, I should really check the bank to put my mind at ease but that might worry me more. (I’ve read that back and I cringe…. None of those things are an issue 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣but I want to sun up how crazy the thoughts can be at times).
All through that I’ve been trying to breathe deeply, shut down the inner voice and just be in the moment.
We are by far our own worst enemies!! You would never talk to anyone else like that. Ever.
It feels like a pain in my lower stomach, a bubbling of anxiety.
I’ve checked my positive feed on FB. That helps.
Now that I’m up and moving I can shut her up a bit. Jeez…..
The forecast is pretty dreich for today.
I step into the shower…. There’s a tennis ball.
Took me all my time to get a photo without the reflection in the shower box 😆 and in my house we also have this to deal with….
It was a very dark drive to work! I know that sounds ridiculous, but a real misty and murky dark.
In work I’m flitting backwards and forwards between jobs like a budgie. A wave of anxiety washing over me when I think of something while I’m doing something else. Drop the first thing, pick up the new thing, half do it then back to the first thing.
I have a list…. I keep jumping about the list, adding things, never removing. Constantly adding as my brain fires off things that need doing.
We have customers come and go and I add to the list. I’m still chirping away inside my head and it’s 2pm before I get a minute to stop for lunch.
And relax… and write this. It helps. I feel a bit calmer already. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ok today and getting things done just self criticising my every move and every decision. I’m not about to burst into tears!
And more importantly, I achieved a lot today, despite all of that. Go figure eh but no wonder I get tired!
I have literally just had a conversation with someone who said the tone of my blog is so different now than from a few months back….. 😬😬😬grins as written this already and not deleting now…. 😬😬😬
So I thought a nice way to finish today would be some of my favourite photos of Scotland seeing as it’s St Andrew’s Day.
I really enjoyed looking through all my photos and there’s another 47,000 or so to go so we’ll never run out… 🤷🏻♀️🤣
I was in bed from 8.30pm last night and out for the count. Slept like a log. Finally!
Up at at ‘em at 5am ready for Fit Body Farm action. Today was the 2021 Workout of the Year where they are tying to encourage as many members as possible, past and present, to attend this workout number 1 of the week, over today and tomorrow.
I am the vision in yellow 💛 at the back.
Craig and I are members to Team Courage 💛💛
I was buzzing during the workout. I loved it! Short, sharp bursts of effort being cheered on by your team members. I had two lovely compliments about how fast I was on the ski-erg and how much weight I’d lost. So lovely of people to take the time to say that. I still haven’t lost much weight but I’ve lost 52cms so far which is great and I’m really feeling it.
My team won the final challenge. She who is not competitive at all…. Showed a teensy weensy wee shred of competitiveness today!
So a great start to the day!
It’s been a rotten day weatherise. We had to watch out for ice at the farm but it’s got milder and it’s now really smirry rain. that rain that soaks you!!
A busy day at Tartan HQ and finally got a Tartan hoody! Sure the pics are disappointing as it seems a few folk think my tartan T-shirt’s and hoodies are tartan…. Eh no, sorry!
So another good day AND Craig made the tastiest dinner which always helps.
Sitting in front of the fire and not moving forward the rest of the night!
Wow nature is amazing… I’m just back from the most stunning dog walk through snow, fog and pure blue sky sunshine. I am absolute buzzing!
I’m really going to have to build in some time to delete photos every day if I keep taking this many. So I’ll keep the chatter too minimum today as it’ll take me hours to sift through the millions of shots. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😆
Suffice to say I have a huge big grin on my face and am absolutely loving life. I just need to do this every day…. Not too much to ask?!? 🤷🏻♀️🙄🤣
It started with Calaidh barking again this morning. I got up to the loo and looked out the window… ran back into the bedroom practically shouting that it had been SNOWING!
Not sure why us Scots feel the need to share our snow with each other but we really do. In the next hour or so there’s a pic from each set of parents showing off theirs!
So it wasn’t heavy at all but we don’t care we share it anyway!
My wee 81 year old lady phoned this morning so I had a 45 chat with her and heard all her news then decided to head out with the dogs. Calaidh first.
It was freezing fog but so stunning and atmospheric.
All of a sudden on the road home the fog starts to clear. As I take this next photo I happen to turn to my left…
And see this…..
It was really hard not to get too much of me in the photo as the sun is right behind me casting a shadow.
I honestly can’t tell you how amazing it felt to be seeing this. It makes you feel so very good to be alive. I am so excited on a day when blog content just slaps me in the face!
Craig’s watching the Rangers game so I come running in the house shoving my phone in his face, chirping like a budgie and Rangers score their second goal. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😬😳🤣 least he was looking at a Fogbow when he missed it!
So back out with Bhruic and Freya but this time up the hill across the road. While I walk I’m sending the Fogbow pic to the family group chats…. As I look up…
And carrying on round the corner I see another one. Not to be fair… this could just be the same one moving. 😆
Wow, wow and wow.
I spent years driving to and from a job I hated, making myself ill being in first and out last, priding myself in my busyness…. because I thought that’s what you had to do. I never looked up. Never stopped to look at anything.
I am so proud that I’ve come this far and am able to feel like this about the sky… I mean come on. Get a room. (That makes no real sense at all but it was funny in my head?!)
So now have my feet up in Gran’s chair.
I’m enjoying a Turkish Apple Tea which Claire got me for my birthday.
And this is my view.
I hardly ever listen to music but it’s a playlist Craig made me for my birthday last year…. Each song means something to us… and it drowns out the football!!
Ours next door neighbour Holly provided a 3.30pm lunch/dinner…
It was the special in the pub this week. How lucky were we? It was so good.
The sky is darkening now. I’ve still to think about Christmas shopping, make tomorrow’s breakfast and lunch and write some words around my Fit Body Farm nomination and I really wanted to crochet today. But that’s ok. It can all wait.
So once again it’s nearly Sunday night and we face the week ahead. Remember if anything hits you that you feel you can’t handle, it’s only temporary. It will pass. Just keep on appreciating the present moment for what it is. Right here, right now. No worries foe the future, no shame of the past. Just what is.
Wow well that was some night. I don’t remember a storm that bad, certainly not since we’ve lived here. It was wild!
I think we were luckier than the east coast of Scotland. I have seen friends and family that have lost sheds, greenhouses, fences and poor mum and dad had some mega force of wind take down not only their fence but push over their heavy double wooden seat!
Our house was cold last night. The force of the wind blowing on the windows and doors was crazy. I had to wrap a scarf and a hoody round the door handle to try and cover the lock to stop the wind from howling through it! We do have a very old house so it’s not the most weather secure.
The wind howled all night. I didn’t sleep great as I was either listening to it or being woken up by it. We hear very little from our bedroom normally as the walls are about a foot thick. This was walloping into the weindow panes and finding every angle necessary to get through!
We woke to Calaidh having a 6.15am bark at the wind…. the joys eh?!
However it was a beautiful morning and I’ve got loads done. I started with a dog walk with Bhruic and Freya at 8.30am.
Back home to drop them off and take Calaidh up the hill.
Back home and shower before heading straight down to my lovely friend, Gayle’s, shop for Christmas cards. She does some lovely ones from Gateside so I always like to try and get them before they sell out.
Back home and out to Abbie the campervan for a major clean out! I found a packet of scones that went off on 11the September!!!!! And the worst of it is.. they still look ok….
Spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon out there in the van pottering, with the heater on of course. Felt really good to get it back into shape.
Then it was time for lunch and a weeeeee nap!
Mum called and we had a good wee chat and it woke me up enough to get moving again, changed the bed, tidied the bedroom, put washing away. It feels good.
Just before I started to make dinner I went to let the dogs out the back and noticed the most amazing sky!
It was stunning.
So lucky to catch this as it was over in minutes. A reminder that life is short and you should look around so you don’t miss things.
I’m cooking chicken pizza for dinner tonight with olives, peppers, onion and goats cheese. We’re having that with roasted potatoes and broccoli healthy style.
It’s still freezing outside but both fires are on and it’s super cosy inside.
Up before the birds for the Fit Body Farm and did a wee jig in the street when I saw Rachel two doors down getting into the car to go to her gym… we’re a crazy lot in this village!
The farm was hard this morning. Constant activity but at 6-7/10 effort… no breaks. It’s hard to work at 6-7/10 when everyone is bombing past you on the first run and you’re trying to speak in a loud voice to remind them it’s only 6-7/10 effort…. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣
So probably 10 x 500m runs this morning with wall ball targets, burpee broad jumps, sled push and pull and walking lunges with 20kg rec bags in between. As usual it starts off hard but I did settle into using the run as the kind of rest before the next exercise.
It was super cold and windy this morning. The grass was SOAKING and freezing once the wind caught my wet clothes. Yup crazy 😝
So, unusual for a Friday, but I had a shower at the farm so I could head straight to meet Mum without going home first.
The sunrise was pretty spectacular again.
So it was a nice drive this morning. A huge trip down memory lane as Google maps took me past Kilmarnock and through East Kilbride , both places we used to live. Not driven those roads in years but missed all the Glasgow traffic and got to Livingston Designer Outlet for 9am.
Of course we did it again and agreed to meet for shopping on Black Friday. The car park was full almost by the time I met mum only about 10-15 minutes later and pretty quickly the shops were heaving!
Of course we went for breakfast first and I had porridge with honey and an Oat Milk Latte. We didn’t get any photos but my FB memories today from 2016!! Told you we make a habit of it!
This is me in 2016… before I went off sick and piled on the weight!
So we had a good wander round but definitely don’t have the shopping stamina we used to have. Took some photos in the Lindt shop but proud to say didn’t buy a thing. 😆
We went into Muffin Break for lunch as everywhere was queued out the door except Krispy Kreme and Muffin Break for some reason.
Claire sent me this and said drive carefully home. It was some stormy drive back though I left about 1.30pm. Two hands on the wheel all the way. Yea I know you should always have two hands on the wheel but you know what I mean. Really holding on!
Gavin the Fit Body Farm coach (and owner) has sent me a link to a motivational book called “The Thin Woman’s Brain” and I’ve been listening to it while driving since Tuesday. It’s actually really good and as he said, same applies to guys too.
It explains why we overeat and how naturally thin women have a different relationship to food than those who have generated a food addiction. So today I’ve not had access to the best choices of food but I have thought about the flavours, savoured the food in my mouth and tried not to eat anymore when I became full. It encourages you to think about the difference between actual hunger and brain hunger. Brain hunger is the reason I put on 3 stone throughout my illness. I’ve understood that my buying and devouring the whole bag of Cadbury’s Chocolate Buttons, on almost a daily basis, was my body’s way of trying to generate some dopamine. Really all it did was give it a small hit but created an addiction for more. It’s really interesting and well worth a read or listen.
So straight into bed, when I got home, with the electric blanket on! Couldn’t really sleep but had a good hour or so rest.
My FB post on View from my window is now up at 39,600 likes with over 4,700 comments!! I’ve tried to keep up with them but sure I’ll be liking comments for a good few weeks to come. It’s finally slowed today but I’ve got loads to go back to. What a wonderful page.
I think I said before that I have my FB set so that I only see positive posts now and use it as a tool to help me write the blog. It’s a great feeling to take control over what you see.
I’m in jammies ready for a cosy Friday evening in front of the fire as the wind whistles down the chimney and howls outside the windows.