Day 857 scorchio!!

The dogs are sleeping in the living room just now as it’s too hot for them upstairs. Go sunny Scotland!

This means they were up and about before we hit the Farm this morning. They’re happy on the bed but sad to be left behind…

It’s a beautiful sunrise. Honestly just takes my breath away every time.

As I took this photo I found this lovely stone.

I almost think someone put it there for me to find. What a lovely start to the day.

The Farm is great, it’s barbell weights day again and I love it.

I recognise a guy who’s not normally there but assume he’s from a later class…. but at the very end he asks if I’m still at my old work…. Ahhhh so that’s where I know you from….

I can’t tell you what a trigger it is. Had a lovely chat with a lovely guy but hearing about everyone who’s still there (of course I asked…. I quick-fired questions at him…) realising it goes on without me, so many people are not in touch. I am the kind of person that used to make my work my life. It hurt that I never mattered that much to them. That’s feeling like I must have failed because I couldn’t handle the culture…. Blah blah blah… beats self up with very big stick. It’s very hard not to feel like a failure and feel a bit lost as I’m no longer a part of that world.

The lovely Isy tagged me in this today… I swear she sometimes knows my thoughts and yet we’ve never even met!

Yet I realise now how much more there is to life than death by work.

As I drive to work I drive over the River Irvine outside Dreghorn. Every morning I want to stop and take a photo but I can’t as there is nowhere to stop.

It’s beautiful. This morning it’s so still in the low sun. The wide river is barely flowing. So atmospheric.

Then I remember driving on the motorway to the last place wondering if I had an accident would that get me off work? Would that get me off the hook enough to not have to be there and deal with my day? How much of an accident would it need to be to not really hurt me but be enough. 😳

Horrifying.

I’ll stick with the River Irvine commute and my new life any day. I am so grateful for everything I have now.

I used to spend my life at my old job wishing I worked for somewhere like Tartan Campers.

Ta-dah!!!

And then I drive into the car park at work and there he is…. puppy Peanut!!!

So it’s been a good day at work, hot this afternoon!

I’m sitting outside now looking for campsites for a wee 2 night away and nothing I want is available. I’m being quite strict with location though, must be near the sea. That limits things a bit. I might just have to do a couple of day trips. It’s a lengthy process going through their respective booking forms only to find that they’re full!

It’s 6.22pm and it’s still scorching hot! I have crochet tonight and we might get to sit outside in the sun if the beer garden is still in the shade. Here’s hoping!

Just look at that sky!!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

Day 857 scorchio!!

The dogs are sleeping in the living room just now as it’s too hot for them upstairs. Go sunny Scotland!

This means they were up and about before we hit the Farm this morning. They’re happy on the bed but sad to be left behind…

It’s a beautiful sunrise. Honestly just takes my breath away every time.

As I took this photo I found this lovely stone.

I almost think someone put it there for me to find. What a lovely start to the day.

The Farm is great, it’s barbell weights day again and I love it.

I recognise a guy who’s not normally there but assume he’s from a later class…. but at the very end he asks if I’m still at my old work…. Ahhhh so that’s where I know you from….

I can’t tell you what a trigger it is. Had a lovely chat with a lovely guy but hearing about everyone who’s still there (of course I asked…. I quick-fired questions at him…) realising it goes on without me, so many people are not in touch. I am the kind of person that used to make my work my life. It hurt that I never mattered that much to them. That’s feeling like I must have failed because I couldn’t handle the culture…. Blah blah blah… beats self up with very big stick. It’s very hard not to feel like a failure and feel a bit lost as I’m no longer a part of that world.

The lovely Isy tagged me in this today… I swear she sometimes knows my thoughts and yet we’ve never even met!

Yet I realise now how much more there is to life than death by work.

As I drive to work I drive over the River Irvine outside Dreghorn. Every morning I want to stop and take a photo but I can’t as there is nowhere to stop.

It’s beautiful. This morning it’s so still in the low sun. The wide river is barely flowing. So atmospheric.

Then I remember driving on the motorway to the last place wondering if I had an accident would that get me off work? Would that get me off the hook enough to not have to be there and deal with my day? How much of an accident would it need to be to not really hurt me but be enough. 😳

Horrifying.

I’ll stick with the River Irvine commute and my new life any day. I am so grateful for everything I have now.

I used to spend my life at my old job wishing I worked for somewhere like Tartan Campers.

Ta-dah!!!

And then I drive into the car park at work and there he is…. puppy Peanut!!!

So it’s been a good day at work, hot this afternoon!

I’m sitting outside now looking for campsites for a wee 2 night away and nothing I want is available. I’m being quite strict with location though, must be near the sea. That limits things a bit. I might just have to do a couple of day trips. It’s a lengthy process going through their respective booking forms only to find that they’re full!

It’s 6.22pm and it’s still scorching hot! I have crochet tonight and we might get to sit outside in the sun if the beer garden is still in the shade. Here’s hoping!

Just look at that sky!!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

Day 856 the day Craig nearly blew up the village 🙄🔥🧯

Now I should say I was not here so this is not really my story to tell but hey….. I’ve had another calm and in control day, the sun’s been shining all day so I have little else to say. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

So….. we had a shed… well we had 3 but now we only have 2.

It was here.

It no longer is there.

My house stinks of smoke. We woke one neighbour who was sleeping after night shift. We set off another’s smoke detectors and two neighbours pretty much came running to see what was wrong.

The morale of the story….

Don’t try to burn down your rat infested shed where it stands. Break the tinder box down into pieces and burn them separate sections. Here endeth…..

Judging by the look on his face when he says he would NEVER do that again, I think it’s safe to say it was pretty dramatic. He had to put the flames out, break it down and burn it all separately.

The outcome is as we hoped though. Infested shed is no more. Thankfully he is still in one piece and everything else is too.

Safe to say we don’t have the kind of temperatures they have done south. Nowhere near. We still have very green grass and the ground isn’t bone dry. Just as well really!

So that’s todays excitement. There really has been nothing else….. my anxiety free life doth not an exciting blog make.

Saying all that I’ve had a lovely evening sitting out in the sun next door celebrating lovely Louise’s amazing exam results with her family and friends. She did soooo well. She’s such a lovely girl and we’re all so very proud of her.

It’s been a lovely evening. It’s 8.35pm and I’m still in shorts!

Love me some summer. ☀️☀️☀️

Day 855 a whole day with no drama!

I don’t get to say that very often but it’s such a great feeling to be completely calm, get things done, cook dinner and get a chance to chill of an evening. All in one day.

He who answers all my questions is back at work today and boy did I have a mahoosive list! I got lots cleared through though and my head loves that.

It’s going to be lovely weather this week and it’s warm outside even after 7pm. It’s been a lovely day and I sat outside at lunch with a mahoosive salad.

I made dinner tonight. A lovely bolognese…. My portions are a lot smaller these days (except for my salads!!)

I’ve done a washing and emptied and filled the dishwasher since I got home from work.

My head has been calm all day. I didn’t want to get up…. I didn’t want to go to the Farm but I did it and worked really hard.

Jeez I read that back and it bores the pants off me.

When’s our next holiday?!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 854 a misty Sunday

I had zero plans today. I slept like a log last night and had a good lie in.

Calaidh has a new place to hide these days. We always sit in the sun room with coffee at the weekend.

Then she gives you the eye with the ball….

It’s all about the ball….

So I ended up sneaking up on the housework this morning. Love it when that happens. None of the dread of “having to do housework” just deciding to do it and getting it done. Easy.

We had a spider in the living room last night that gave me such a fright. It was enormous. I caught Bhru watching something and wondered what it was… mountaineering up the wall! 😱 of course it snuck behind the whiskey cabinet…. 😳😱

I’ve approached the living room with fear and trepidation today. 🤣

There is no sign of it.

I have to stop manifesting spiders.

Speaking of that I’m still doing a nightly visualisation for weight loss. I’m sure it’s helping my anxiety by meditating every night before I go to sleep.

I took the dogs for a walk this afternoon and this made me laugh.

I post loads of photos like this but have you ever realised just how often they swap around on a walk…. It’s incessant! These are all taken within about 5 minutes.

Cheeky!

Found some thistles.

And a wee that’s defying the odds and growing up through a parking cone!

We’re watching From on Sky SciFi and it’s pretty addictive. I told Craig I was making diner tonight and he was to remind me of that when I said I couldn’t be bothered…. It’s lucky I did as when the time came, I couldn’t be bothered. But we did it and had feta and salami stuffed chicken with Aspargus wrapped in Parma ham and potatoes. Would have been so easy not to cook that but I’m glad we did.

I’ve finished my next crochet blanket, just got the ends to tie in and then I’ll take some photos. I’ve felt bored today, as if I’m not making the day count and yet actually writing this I see that I have had a pretty damn good day.

That’s what it’s all about.

So here’s your Sunday evening reminder that you can face everything that life throws at you this week as we have done 100% of the time so far.

There’s a chance that we might actually get some sunshine here this week. That will do very nicely. ☀️☀️☀️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 853 a day trip to visit to Culzean Castle 🏰 and Country Park

I had another day to myself today so I decided to take a trip down to South Ayrshire and visit Culzean Castle. (Pronounced Cul-ane)

The Ruined Arch

It’s £18.50 for entry which is not particularly cheap but that gives you access all day.

Once you’ve parked in the main car park, you get access to the Castle, the Stables, the Walled Garden, Home Farm and Swan Pond.

The Castle is not as old as I expected it to be and looks quite modern as you approach. I guess in the grand scheme of things it’s not as old as many of the Castles in Scotland.

It was more of a stately home really.

Entrance to the Stables

Culzean Castle is perched on the side of a cliff at the end of Croy Beach.

The view over the cliff edge to Arran.

It was built there to impress. Originally a batchelor pad, it’s been added to over the years to accommodate future generations with families.

The oval staircaseT

The oval staircase is particularly impressive. Built like that to accommodate the space available, it’s very cleverly done and the rooms in the main part of the house are all accessed from the staircase.

The ceilings in many of the rooms are particularly impressive. This one was made with paper maché!

Another ceiling
This painting shows the Castle on top of the cliff
An en-suite bath which was actually just in the bedroom!

The tour takes you down to the reconstructed kitchens. In 1945 when the Castle was first opened to the public, they assumed that the public would not want to see anything of the servants…. The kitchen was converted into a tearoom. The National Trust have not converted it back to what it would have looked like.

So many pots and pans!

I love this caption above the range… WASTE NOT WANT NOT.

My gran used to say that all the time. These days we waste so many thing, especially food.

The family used to send laundry back to Culzean when they were living in London. They sent it by train. How decadent was that?!?!

I then walked round the west wing of the house to the gardens.

I think many of these are private flats now.

By far the best part for me was the walk through the grounds down to the Swan Pond…. Think they missed out big time not calling it Swan Lake!

The pond is pretty stagnant in most places.

But very beautiful with all those lily pads.

I loved this wicker dragon in the pond. 🐉 what’s a castle without a dragon?

I took a million photos of these two swans! They looked like a gravy boat!!!

I stopped for a coffee and this wee guy perched on the wall in front of me. So cute!

I then took a walk down the cliff onto the beach. I loved this walk. I was scrambling over rocks for a fair bit of it but you know how much I love a beach. 🏝

The castle on the cliff…. The sun came out and I was awfy warm scrambling around.

Loved these shells!

The castle is built over a warren of caves. None of these are open to the public that I could see but there are archeological investigations ongoing. They believe the caves were occupied in as far back as the Iron Age.

I loved this wee gas housekeepers cottage.

This is the gas house!

There are plenty of tearooms and a couple of gift shops but the highlight for me are the sprawling grounds, Swan Pond and the beach below.

You could walk around the country estate all day and still not cover it all. The walks are clearly signposted.

It’s been a lovely day out.

I have to give you a laugh at the Powder Room…. which I don’t have a photo of… I assumed it was for the ladies of the house to stop off and powder their noses on the 25 minute walk from the house to Swan Pond and back.

Nope…… gunpowder storage. 🤦🏻‍♀️ course.

I have loads more photos that I can share tomorrow but WordPress is not behaving again tonight. It doesn’t seem to like this many photos in one blog. I have a feeling some won’t show when it’s published but let’s see.

Hope you’re having a lovely Saturday.

Stay safe everyone 🏰🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏰

Day 852 FBF, dog walks, engagement ring repaired and haircut!! 💇🏻‍♀️

I feel like I’ve not done much today and yet that title would suggest that I have.

It was a lovely morning at 5.30am though I’m very conscious of the darker nights and mornings…. Stop winter coming, we’ve not had summer yet!!

Craig drove to the Fit Body Farm this morning which allowed me to take a million photos of the sky… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

I spotted this random small rainbow.

Visible all the way to the Farm, it was right at the end of the Main Street in Dunlop.

That’s us back to being up before sunrise again…. Uh oh….

But the early morning sky is stunning.

I know I’ve shared this picture a thousand times too but before the session at the Farm…

During…

And after….

The Farm was hard this morning but a great session. As usual on a Friday I came home and walked the dogs. Bhru and Freya first and then Calaidh.

The sky is cloudy and quite dramatic.

So the only plans with have this weekend is my haircut at 1.30pm today… so I’m at a bit of a loss… I “could” weed the garden or go for a food shop or go away for the night or clean the house or….. I decide to go up to Braehead Shopping Centre as my engagement ring has been repaired under warranty and is ready for collection.

It’s never quite sat right in its setting so I’ve to keep an eye on it this time and pop past the jewellers to let them check it any time I’m nearby. It’s good to have it back even if my hands look like those of a 102 year old lady when I try to take a pic of it…. 🤣🤣

That’s the photo that looked the youngest photo I managed and you can’t actually see the setting at all…. 😳🤣

One thing I did want to share…. Primark is doing a range by Greggs?!

A quick explanation for any non UK readers…. The lovely Cheryl-Lynn for a start! Primark is a bit like Target and Greggs is a bakers…. They do filled rolls, cakes, sandwiches and some have takeaways and some have cafés….. 😳

So why…… is there a range of clothing dedicated to Greggs?!? And who is it targeted at?

Profusely apologise to anyone who’s already bought any of it…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

So bizarre!

So back home as my hairdresser Elaine lives in the house opposite us!

So todays been a good day. No drama, no overthinking. Nothing to report really.

Going to make chicken fajitas for dinner and just opened a Rosè Nosecco.

Happy Friday night folks.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 851 the days just keep on rolling on… 🥳😆

So not much to report today.

A good day at work! I had a full stock check done by 9.30am. Love it when a good plan comes together. 🥳

Came home to let the dogs out and then straight out to get my nails done. I ended up with the same colour as before but I’m loving the bright summery orange this year. Not that anyone even really sees my toes. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

Claire and I took the dogs out for a walk when I got back. Saw these soaking up the sunshine.

The grass was actually glistening in the sun. Not sure this photo does it justice.

It’s a lovely evening but there’s a huge ominous cloud… I actually thought it looked like an angel 😇

I took a whole lotta photos of it. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

The sun disappeared and we were sure it was going to rain but it didn’t.

It was a lovely end to the day! Had a great catch up.

So to update the Jonut chat from yesterday… I took photos! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 way too much “cake” and not enough orange. 🤣🤣

I really need to get a life 🤣🤣🤣

So it’s my Friday night again woo hoo! I’ve no plans this weekend except a haircut. Let’s see what it brings.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 850 wow, there’s a milestone! 🥳🎉🎊

I can’t believe I have been writing this almost every day for 850 actual days. What started as a tiny seed in my mind now has become a deep rooted part of my life.

I can’t tell you how much it has helped me to “journal” through my healing journey.

I am so appreciative of the support everyone has given me. The kind words, the interaction with others who feel the same. It means a lot to me.

I don’t say it enough but I’m also very grateful to the many fellow bloggers that subscribe to my posts. I don’t get time to read many other blogs so I appreciate any time that someone takes the time to read mine!

So it’s been a good day today. I started off a bit apprehensive for the day ahead but the Fit Body Farm blasted that right out of me.

We did barbell weight training again this morning. I’m loving the change and the chance to try something different for the last few Wednesdays.

Work was fun today. My boss had his kids in for a bit and their enthusiasm and excitement was a lovely energy in the day.

They brought us some Jaffa Jonuts!! Who knew that was even a thing?!?

🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 spongey rings 🤣🤣🤣

Now my boss has a theory….. a Jaffa Cake is THE best. So you assume the Jonut is gonna be amazing… yet the ratio of chocolate to orange to sponge is off. What makes the Jaffa Cake the amazing snack that is, is lost in the Jonut…. There’s nowhere near enough orange in it and WAY too much sponge. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The whole fun of a Jaffa is eating the sponge off the bottom, then the orange and chocolate… it’s a ritual that is lost on the Jonut.

I still have another 3 though so I’ll keep doing the analysis over the next few days. 😆🥳🍊

I also ended up ironing pillow cases at work today… as you do!

I look like a sack of spuds in this photo! What a difference from the suited and booted business woman I used to be 😆🤣 but when a customer needs pillows for a rental van at the last minute you’ve got to muck in.

I’ve had Craigie’s day 2 Lasagne for dinner which was lovely and I’m just getting ready to head into the pub next door to meet the Crochet Hookers. Looking forward to a good natter!

This next one makes me laugh a lot but it sums up my life.

But it’s been a good one today.

Stay safe everyone 🧶🧶🧶

Day 849 reflections on my day… 🫶🏼

I’m here a bit reluctantly tonight.

I got home at 4.30pm, nice and sharp and Craig was home and made lasagne for dinner.

It was soooo good, I may have had two servings.

We’ve watched a few episodes of the Netflix show, Criminal. We started it last night and it’s really good. It’s set in an interview room, the same team but different people being interviewed each episode. An interesting slant on a crime drama. I digress.

He’s watching the football now as Rangers play Union Saint-Gilloise in the UEFA Champions League qualifiers…

I muttered in passing that I wasn’t writing a blog tonight.

“Bad day?” He said.

I screwed my face up as I do and said “I’m sick of going on about how my anxiety makes me react to stuff so folk must be sick of reading it”…. he’s very philosophical tonight. He says “that’s why you should write about it, so other folk who feel the same, know they are not alone”.

My clenched jaw slackens.

Maybe he has a point.

I was writhing with anxiety when I came home tonight. 👇🏼

EH YEAH!!!!!! THIS! Right here!! 👆🏼

From about 2pm today I have questioned every thought, action and every word that has come out of my mouth. My flesh is crawling with it.

I’ve been antsy, when things haven’t gone exactly as I would expect them, I’ve felt like a stroppy teenager.

I honestly have the face and his strop with his arms flailing around in a manner that suggests everything is just so unfair, huff huff…..

And as usual, there is nothing wrong.

Nothing that is the end of the world as we know it.

I actually had a really good day and got loads done. ✅

I’d had a great sleep and woke with the alarm for the first time in ages ✅

I’m eating well, I’d made salad for lunch and it was really lovely and I enjoyed it. ✅

THEN WHY THE HELL AM I STILL REACTING THE WAY THAT I DO AND WHY DOES IT EAT ME UP FROM INSIDE.

I assume everyone can see my reactions. I’ve been told enough times in my life to “chill” or “relax” or “woosa”. Does that mean I’m embarrassing myself? Does that mean I’m overreacting to everything again that everyone else seems to take in their stride?

Am I a failure that I can’t have a day without overthinking?

To be fair to Craig, he knew as he got a fair bit of this thrown at home when I got in. He dared to look sideways as I talked and I assumed that was a sign of him not wanting to listen to it again.

He clicked my reaction and put me straight right away.

I assume everyone is watching me and waiting for me to fail. It’s completely ridiculous.

Someone said to me today that I live my life as if everything is going to be a total nightmare and it all actually turns out pretty well….

Bingo.

Hits nail on the head.

I do.

And I would really like not to.

So yeah that’s my day. I’m fine, I’m just a bit fed up with the whole self inflicted drama of it all.

I’m gonna do my two meditations before bed… visualisation for weight loss and wrap myself in the protective bubble… ready to take on what tomorrow has to throw at me.

Maybe need to look at one that makes me be kinder to myself. 🤦🏻‍♀️🥰♥️

If you’re rolling your eyes thinking here she goes again, you have Craig to thank. If it’s any consolation, it’s helped me to get it out.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️