Day 100 of COVID-19 lockdown… what have we learned so far? 🌍❤️🌈

💯days eh?! Which means I have written a blog every day for 92 days as I only started on what we recorded as our day 8. I see others saying we’re already up to 103/104 etc but this is when we calculated it at the time and rather than stress that my whole blog is worthless and rubbish the new me is choosing to keep going as is. It’s our day 100. Mine and Craigie’s and Calaidh’s and Bhruic’s and Freya’s….. forgive the poor English 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😬 but you know what I mean.

If anyone had told you, 100 days ago, that our lives were going to change in a way we could never begin to imagine, we just wouldn’t have believed it. A world where we could stand right next to anyone and touch anyone (with reason obvs!) and we literally hugged people we didn’t even know. We didn’t have a care in the world when it came to that kind of stuff. Yeah we turned out noses up at folk not washing their hands after going to the loo etc but we screwed up our face and moved on. We survived.

Now we have an unseen killer. A virus that can spread among us through touch, can survive on surfaces and pass to others and we can’t see it. We have no idea where it’s lurking and worst of all, people can have it and not even know they are infected. It’s the stuff of horror movies!!

We watched every virus movie while we’ve been stuck home and the truth is actually terrifying. We watched these in the past thinking they were just that… far fetched thrillers. We had no idea.

So 100 days ago, we finally realised how serious this was and Craig stopped work and we stayed home to save lives, to help stop the transmission of COVID-19. We “sheltered in place” as they said in America. We only left the house for dog walks and food shopping for months.

It feels like a time for reflection…. what have we learned in this 100 days? Apart from the fact that the rainbow is a sign of hope 🌈❤️

We’ve learned that family and being together is everything. We’ve been given a special gift to spend time with each other but we’ve also been told that we can’t see other family members or friends that have been a part of our daily lives. We’ve seen a community spirit that was always there in Gateside but growing in a way we would never have imagined. That old war time share and share alike. I’ve bartered with rice and milk and sugar… there’s been a lot of sugar passing over fences. We’ve made the best of the lockdown life we’ve been given. Generations ago our grandparents etc were sent to war, we were told to stay home and watch tv, I mean how lucky are we?

The material things in life have become irrelevant. Even with all the money and possessions in the world you still had to stay home. Businesses are realising people can work from home without the world ending and it will reduce their overheads and the carbon footprint of their staff.

We have learned to appreciate the present. To live in the moment as everything else is too uncertain. Everyone is living on the same terms. 🌍

Personally we’ve learned to appreciate each other again and communicate clearly as we have had time to spend together. We can see what makes the other tick, what triggers and argument and we can stop it in its tracks with a laugh or a shrug of the shoulders saying here we go again. Through writing this I have expressed my daily feelings in a way that shows how erratic they are, how quick they are to flare up to anxious, fever pitch but most importantly how virtually none of it is Craig’s fault. He doesn’t have to second guess everything. He can just read it if he didn’t already know it. 🤣🤣🤣

I have learned to slow down, to watch the world move on through different eyes. To watch my handsome husband and smile realising he’s mine, to walk 3 Border Collies without them pulling on the lead, to value the endless movie nights, the takeaways and the connections with others. I hope that the world will be a better place as a result.

However, we have to remember that we have been untouched by this deadly virus. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We are very lucky.

The UK have lost 44,131 souls to COVID-19 officially but there is evidence that the number of excess deaths for this year far exceeds that. Scotland stands at 2,488 people so far.

England is seeing a surge in new cases, particularly in London where the R rate is creeping above 1. For everyone one person infected at least one other person catches it. There seemed no doubt this would be the case as the amount of protests and large gatherings threw people together at a time when we were still meant to be 2m apart. It’s easy for me to sit here smugly and be happy that our lockdown isn’t as loose as England’s, that our government is being more strict.

Localised restrictions in Dumfries and Galloway now too

I’ve read today that Boris has urged people not to think of Saturday as Super Saturday as we need to still be careful and make sure that we protect each other by not spreading the virus. Yet apparently pubs can open at 6am….. several chains are planning to open just after this. Maybe it just because I don’t drink anymore that this seems so crazy to me?!?

I am nervous of normal returning as I had stepped back from normal for a good year or so. This is my new normal and I love it!!

I did not love the weather today!! It has stoated down all day… absolutely soaked on the dog walk again.

This is where the dogs usually play and Craig day over the other side of the burn. Bhru stuck her tongue in it to take a drink but didn’t go any closer.

Same at this but! It’s like they are on a life raft together 🤣

Phone got soaked every time I took a pic!

Drookit pup #1 wouldn’t stop playing with the stick long enough! Check the coos behind her under that tree… miserable!

Drookit pup #3 always happy regardless of the weather… 😬😆

Bhru’s telling Calaidh Reek St is flooded

Did manage to see some beauty in the dreich day!

It’s all about how you look at it… I was walking along thinking this is miserable, cold and wet, must be crazy being out in this when I saw a neighbour in Reek Street and he said “good weather for ducks!” 🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆 that really made me smile as I’ve not heard that in years!! Splashed through all the puddles in my wellies from then on! 😆

And I wonder why my house isn’t a palace?!? Check these 3…. how many sopping wet dogs can you fit on a couch?! Least I put their dog robes on!! Unlike some people 😬🤣

Came home from dog walk and did a poop scoop as I was soaked anyway…. thought it would be a good idea to do it before the bins go out. Got the grey bin ready and took it round the front…. it’s Friday…. grey bin doesn’t go out until Tuesday……. wtf 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣 my brain is frazzled today as it’s been such a busy week. Not busy in the sense of how busy I used to be… but very busy for me. I did another 2 Pawsitive Solution calls today… the first was dreadful… it was like putting the wheelie bin out 4 days early! Nothing flowed…. but the second was great.

This is what I have to put up with…. 🥰😆🎾🐶

So now I am wrapped in my crocheted blanket with my feet up in front of the fire. I plan not to move until bedtime!

Thanks again to everyone for sticking with this everyday. It means a lot!

Stay safe everyone ❤️💜❤️ here’s to the next 100 days and who knows what they might bring?!? X

Day 345 a year ago this was our last week of normality before COVID-19 lockdown

Wow…. this time last year we could do anything we wanted to do. Go anywhere, see anyone, hug and kiss anyone. Our options were endless. Yet we were driven by status and possessions, being seen to have all the latest “stuff”.

We used to greet family and friends with a hug and a kiss…. now we don’t even see them. What a difference a year makes.

I was thinking about this on my dog walk this morning…. now first of all we cannot ignore the devastating facts.

2.59 million people in the world have died from COVID-19 so far. 11.7million cases have been reported.

Scotland have seen 205,000 cars with 7,421 deaths. I remember last year when our deaths sat at 2,482 for a good wee while as we came out of lockdown 1.0. A group of people tidied up rubbish left by people in a park in Edinburgh and set the 2482 number out in bin bags… now here we are at 7,421.

You have to zoom in on this graphic and it’s a bit blurry but the COVID-19 ball at the bottom is now way bigger than the recent pandemics yet still goes a long way before it competes with HIV/AIDS.

Again zoom in (still blurry) but COVID-19 is almost half way up the list on death toll too.

I had no concept that something like this could affect us in life. Yet as we stand today I am still very lucky to have not caught it myself. Also for those I know, who have caught it, to have been unwell at the time but seem to have recovered fairly quickly.

There is no doubt about it that life as we knew it will change. Gone will be the random handshakes, the polite hugs with people that you didn’t really know but are introduced to. It is now fully acceptable just to smile, nod and say hi. I am sad about that.

Despite these statistics in some ways our generation will be the envy of many to come. They will talk about the years that people were forced to stop working and stay at home. All of those who are furloughed or unable to work would have killed for x amount of months off work until it became a reality. How do you fill your time when you have all the time in the world?

Then there are those key workers who have had to work harder so the rest of us could survive. They must be exhausted by now.

Most people I speak to are fed up with the monotony of it all but also nervous of everything starting back up again. We’re becoming so used to this disconnected lifestyle as the days tick by.

Strange, strange times.

I’ve said it before, I am going to try and make the most of the days we have left in lockdown before the country re-opens and we get back to the new normal.

Early morning dog walk with Bhruic and Freya today.

Check the size of these tyre tracks 🚜 The farmer had been muck spreading over the weekend so you can only imagine the smell 💩💩💩

Not had many photos of Freya the last few days

Most of the old drystane dykes are falling down around here

Not taken a pic of this before as it’s not that photogenic but it could have been if that makes sense? Gielsland Estate St Inans building, now used for storage.

Another very productive day. Dog behaviour calls made ✅ all tasks on my task list done ✅ crocheting ✅ blog ✅ sold the air fryer that was up for sale ✅ and it’s only 2.20pm.

I have 62 squares complete and only 81 left to go 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

I’m going to use the rest of the day to relax. These have been good days. We’ve got lots done. Now for some more ME time.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Day 344 housework, lovely walk and lunch out in the park….. oh and Rangers with the Scottish Premier League ⚽️ 🏆🥇

Awake at 7am this morning and did my usual Sunday motivational search on social media.

Now the following made me laugh out loud!!

It took me a while to figure the second word out but it sums life up just now. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I don’t know why this touched me so much but it really did….

Of all the leaders in the world it really hit me to see the Dalia Lama getting his COVID-19 vaccine. Wow. This really is a worldwide pandemic. (I know that I know that it is but I’ve never really thought of it…)

This really made me think how hard times actually are just now. I haven’t seen Mum and Dad or my in-laws Christmas Eve. I haven’t seen my brother and his family for over a year, same with Craigs brother and sister. We’ve stuck to the every rule as much as possible and it’s been really hard.

So my motivational search was not going quite so well….. however, I am grateful that we are all healthy though and still know very few people who have actually caught COVID-19.

So another productive morning for Team Avery. Up at 8am and chores split and off we went. After a coffee and dog portrait photography of course!

By 11.30am the house was spotless again. Even the dogs room was done. It really does clear your head when your house is clean.

I had to empty the Shark vacuum 3 times… I am soooo not impressed with the Shark. It does everything it’s not meant to do. Hairs wrap around the anti-hair wrap bar. It seems to do it more than any other hoover iI have ever owned. It’s maybe upset because I still cal it a hoover. 🙄😬😆

Anyway, I jumped in the shower and was ready for a walk with Claire and Calaidh to Nosh in Barmill.

We only took Calaidh with us so we could get a takeaway lunch and take it to the Barmill Community Park and don’t have to watch all 3 dogs at once….

By the end of our walk I already knew that Rangers had won the league as Craig had text. I’m not a football fan to be honest but even I got goosebumps watching the end of the game that led them to win.

It’s been 10 years since Rangers last won the league. In 2012 they dropped down into the bottom division due to a debt crisis and have had to work their way back up.

A very proud moment for so many fans yet due to COVID-19 no-one attends the games and no one should be mixing for celebrations. I’m hearing there are a large number of fans heading into Glasgow which isn’t great but this win has been a long time coming.

Stay safe everyone 🏆⚽️🥂

Day 343 the most productive day EVER!!!

Wait until you hear the amount of things I have achieved today!! I actually think this day has had extra hours added to it. It’s not even 4pm….

So we did wake at 6 (yeah ok there’s the extra hours…. I know!) I always want a lie in on a Saturday and yet I wake up so much earlier than normal.

To be fair this was a packaging burn but it was super toasty while it burned.

We then took the dogs out for a walk to Spiers School Grounds.

It’s cold today so I wore my new ski jacket. Yes I know I have barely ever skied in my puff but I can recommend buying a ski jacket just now. Was £199.99 reduced to £64.99…. AND…. (and this is the real unexpected bonus….) it has something in it that allows me to be found in an avalanche. What more does a girl need?!?

I have a pocket for my ski pass….. 😳 maybe bus pass?!? Ok not that old! Pockets for my phone and a wee skirt to stop the snow getting under it 😳. As you may be able to tell I have never worn a ski jacket ever before but it’s super toasty so I’ve worn it ALL day… even in the house as a cardy 😬

When we got home I swept the decking at the bottom of the garden and also…. wait for it… swept the artificial grass….. yes…. swept up all the leaves and a large amount of sticks.

Stopped for coffee….

Craig then chopped some branches off one of our trees that was affecting a phone cable going to next door. 4 big branches hacked down and cleared away to dry for future kindling.

Now I realise the state my leggings are in but hey… new jacket and a fried egg roll for breakfast

Then as I stopped for a wee over the fence chat with my lovely neighbour, Claire, Craig starting moving things around in the kitchen. I then found myself with the mouse sander, sanding down a breadboard that looked a bit worse for wear, as you do…. 🤷🏻‍♀️😆

Then…. I fully understand you may just be knackered reading this but we were on a roll…. we got the second tent up for sale.

Craig had commented before we started that we needed to have the divorce papers ready. Honestly we may have argued every time we have put this up in the past.

Not today. Team Avery were in complete control. It was quite possibly the easiest ever tent erection ever. (Enough…..😁)

We did comment that it helps there were not other campers sitting around watching us. 😆 if I’m honest I think that all the hard work I’m putting in at Kinesiology. I have calmed the hell right down. How huge is that?

Claire then popped round for a cuppa and took a pic of me taking the following pics of the dogs…

I am so lucky to have many of these people around me.

While I’d been having coffee, Craig had varnished our wooden garden furniture.

We then took the tent back down and it was also the calmest that we have ever dismantled it and packed it away. Everything fits into its bag. unheard of….. and not a cross word spoken. Check us.

He came inside to watch his team, Rangers, get another step closer to winning the Scottish Premier League. I hung up two washings and put the sleeping bags in for a wash.

Then I went upstairs and did a tapping meditation on learning to love your body. I need to focus on this as it’s still something I have a big issue with.

I then sold the Awning that we put up for sale last week and the guy came to collect it. So chuffed. Chatted to him for a bit.

It’s only 5pm. I have also written this. I have had THE best day so far.

This is something we should all think about….

Today I am happy.

I will quit while I’m ahead 😬

Stay safe everyone 😁😁😁

Day 342 Osteopath, Pawsitive Puppies Zoom & chillin’

I do like a day with a bit of a routine. A planed routine, one that I can’t get out of.

I sat down last night to eat some Fair Trade chocolate cake, made by our wee neighbour Rachel and a tsunami of panic came waving over me, as I realised the Friday morning consisted of the following:

9am Osteopath
9.45am home schooling with the wee one
10am Puppy Zoom with clients and I’d booked Craig to attend too based on the issues they were having

To someone who suffers from anxiety, this is anxiety heaven…. the perfect storm… call it what you will but it’s the perfect excuse to PANIC!!!!!!

Now on Wednesday night I realised I had the clash with the Osteopath and the puppy call so I’d contacted the clients and pushed them out by half an hour….. I couldn’t possibly push them out again which meant we would need to leave the wee one to home school herself till her mum was home. Which to be fair was only for half an hour. I felt sooooo bad though.

It’s almost an amazing experience to have that excuse to bash yourself around the head… confirming all the negative things you think about yourself.

None of this was the end of the world.

It all went by without a hiccup.

While I was waiting to go into the Osteo, this came up on my news feed as something I might like?!?! I mean wtf?!?!?!?!

So Osteo went well this morning he is happy with my shoulder and not certain why my knee pain is intermittent but genuinely all good. He did try to sneakily break my neck again… which is never pleasant but feels pretty damn good now. There was a sneaky back manipulation thrown in for good measure. I guessed it was coming…. you have to hug yourself… uh oh…. a hug is a prerequisite to a spinal crack…. seems a very sneaky thing to do. Get you all comfy in a hug then wham….

Back up the road about 10 minutes after Craig had started homeschooling. He was looking for a plastic bottle that we could use to make something for climate change week. 🌍 of course he came up with a poo bag dispenser….. 💩

Got her set up in Craigs office while we started the call up in mine. Her mum text when she was home and we never heard her leave.

The call went really well. It was a long one but I’m learning loads and learning to bow to my husbands superior dog behavioural knowledge. Though it sticks in ma craw at times 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

I actually am joking at that. He’s great to work with. Spins his finger when he wants me to move things along…. 😉

So after our work for the day, I was full of big ideas on what I was going to do and where I was going to go. I changed into my jammie bottoms and am safely wrapped up on the couch. I might read, I might crochet but most of all I will not talk to anyone about puppies…..

This is Glass Beach in California… how stunningly beautiful 🤩

I actually feel calm when I look at this

Have a lovely weekend!

Stay safe everyone 🧡🧡🧡

Day 341 March… if in like a lamb 🐑 does it go out like a lion 🦁 ?!

It’s now the 4th March and this has been bugging me since the 1st.

Every February I wait intently and smile when it comes in like a lion…. safe in the knowledge that the better weather is coming and we will be going out like a lamb.

Sadly this is something that usually keeps me going throughout the month of March. Now for as long as I can remember…. I have no recollection of March coming in like a lamb as it did this year.

I am unsettled….. does this mean we were just lucky? Does it mean that climate change has sadly rid the start of March of its lion status? Or……. more worryingly…. does it mean…..

I did all of this overthinking before 7am again…… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😬😆

I have a puppy zoom call with clients at 10am this morning so I am antsy. I feel more awake than yesterday (thankfully) but still not right. I feel a bit sick. I realise though that when you have things to do and you’re feeling a bit rotten, you do just bundle it up into a ball and kind of park it somewhere. On a day where I have nothing to do it washes over me and I listen to it and act accordingly.

There so nothing better than the high of finishing a puppy call with clients. I feel like I have really helped them, I have confidence in my own abilities, I am on a high. I did something worthwhile. Boom!!!

This is my Great Auntie Margaret. She got the blanket that I crocheted for her.

So it’s been a busy day. I wrote up my bio for Pawsitive Solutions website and spent gages hunting through the 11,300 puppy photos on my phone. Obviously not through them all but that’s how many I have…. anyone has any photos of me with one of my own or your pups, please send them to me!!

I had my monthly tapping session at 3pm with Shelagh Cumming and the girls. Always good to catch up and this week we worked on “I will succeed” which made me smile as I had already written the blog with the bit about success above.

4-5 was nap time and 5-5.45 was a lovely quick walk with Claire.

I think it’s gonna be a good one but I have another puppy call at 6 so might miss the finale

Claire took this behind our village hall. Loads of snowdrops!

So a busy day. I’ve been up and down mood wise but it’s all packaged away in time for my calls… here goes round 2 for the day!

Stay safe everyone 🌅🌅🌅

Day 340 and restful day (sounds way better than “I’m sooo tired” again….. )🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

Craig fell asleep on the couch last night and I didn’t hear him come to bed or get up this morning. That’s how soundly I was sleeping…. he of course tried to pretend he’d sat up all night but it turns out we even spoke when he came through… no recollection whatsoever.

Now I have to be honest and say that I don’t feel bad enough to be worrying about being a burden though I’ve been there in the past, but I am ticking the rest of those boxes today.

This was Bhruic last night…. I think she perfectly sums up today for me… check her wee tongue 😛

The medication I take has wiped out the really dark thoughts….. thankfully…. but it just sometimes weighs me down like a brick. This tiredness today feels like a medication slump. A bone tiredness.

That actually made me snort quietly to myself. I mean honestly how many ways can I describe tiredness in this blog…… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😬🤔

Here’s a new one… my vessel is empty. 🙄😆

I will move on…….

I decided to head out to the shops to get some storage boxes for my kitchen cupboards this morning and found this wee guy in Home Bargains…

Bless….. he only has one arm and on closer inspection it really doesn’t look like the other has ever been attached. You sooo know that I wanted to buy him. I did not. I feel like him today…. not even a whole sloth 🦥 😆

Unfortunately in our house he’d be torn limb from limb within 5 minutes of bringing him home as Calaidh the destroyer would strike.

I came home and tidied the kitchen…. I fail to see how 2 people can create such a kitchen mess every day but then I also realise that there is an element of laziness that creeps in…

Decided to take the dogs to the field across the road with their frisbees. No real exercise foe me but seriously out for the count puppers afterwards as a result!

I tried to get pics of them actually catching the frisbee hitch is surprisingly hard work when you throw and snap photo from the same hand!!

Calaidh has a frisbee all to herself as she’s not great with sharing… she always wants the one the others have tho!

Here she comes…. Calaidh did steal the frisbee right from under their noses!!

This is such a sweet photo! Me and my sister ♥️

Last one I promise…. I need fillers on a day where I do precious little else 🤣🤣

I had Claire’s home made bolognese for lunch as she is very good at making it. She may have surpassed herself today as it was soooo good! Really super tomatoey and rich.

I know have my feet up and the dogs are sparko … Craig is working.

Ok so I woke them all up taking those photos…

So I dragged myself off the seat and came upstairs to do some Pawsitive Solutions bookings. That cleared the fog a bit which was good.

My lovely friend Evelyn came to the door to deliver a book for me to read. I wanted to drag her into the house and kidnap her but it’s amazing how something a bit different can lift your mood. so nice to see her and have a “normal” chat… the the freezing cold 🥶 it’s very cold again today.

It’s just a after 3 and I am going to try to have a nap or crochet for the rest of the day and let that be enough.

Ending with a little giggle to cheer us all up just in case reading about “I’m tired” whining has made you feel miserable 🤔🤣

Stay safe everyone ♥️💜♥️

Day 339 last nights sunset, cake and coffee and The Little Coffee Caravan and other stuff ☕️🧁

I would not have believed this if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes…. wow!

It really was that colour. If anything the photo doesn’t do it justice.

I don’t like I’ve ever seen a sunset like that. Thanks to some lovely neighbours for letting me know it was happening! Neighbourhood sunset watch! 🌅

Seemed to sleep ok last night and woke up without that deep seated sadness but I’m also not bounding around like Heidi the mountain goat either.

I’m tired…. oh my god… beat a different drum pet. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😴

I finally made it to the Post Office this morning to send my parcels and also had to head to Lochwinnoch to our closest Hermes drop off. I have been known in the past to refer to this the Herpes drop off…. 😳😬 so I have to be very careful when I say it now.

Lochwinnoch means I have to pass the Little Coffe Caravan…. so needs must!

To the front is blueberry bake well tart and the back one is wild cherry and white chocolate blondie. They were both amazing but the blondie wins!

I had a coconut milk latte this time. I was a very lovely wife and brought Craig a bacon roll too. 💗

After devouring half of each cake I sat down to make more dog behaviour calls. The enquiries are picking up a bit now. The. Went to walk Bhruic and Freya.

Love this tree and entrance onto Spiers School ground field

It was meant to be sunny all day today but the mist has been hanging around a bit. It’s super cold too so big jumper is on unlike yesterday when I could sit out in a T-shirt.

Feel like I’ve been working almost all day (yes like a normal person!) but I’m all set up to go with a puppy zoom call. I’ve booked another job for Craig today too. It’s been a successful business day.

I am going to miss the sunset tonight so I hope it gives a good display at my office bedroom window albeit south facing….

Puppy call done and just booked another one. I’m on a roll. But I need to sit down and rest now!!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 338 1st March sunshine helps mood wobbles ☀️😢😁

We did not move off the couch yesterday…. we watched 15 episodes of Superstore season 3. When we went to bed at 11 I read one of the four books I’m reading until it was finished (thank you Evelyn!)

I think I went to sleep very highly strung, living in a world of make believe…. more so than usual. 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄😆

I don’t feel like I slept the best so I couldn’t open my eyes this morning. It wasn’t a nice feeling though. It was a proper slump. Feeling very drained, exhausted, fed up and very sorry for myself. Craig got up and let the dogs out and I lay there and wallowed.

Claire sent me the loveliest photo….

And she told me I was going to have a lovely day. How lovely is that?! She also sent me this which did make me laugh….

A stunning gate and I’m not sure this one has ever featured in my blog?!?

Holly my other next door neighbour messaged about going on a dog walk at 9.30 and I knew then that I could do that and it would really help get me motivated for the day.

Just goes to show that you have no idea how a simple suggestion can make a difference to someone’s day…

I walked in to the kitchen, burst into tears and told Craig I was just so tired of feeling rotten. I had my shower and came back through and said “ok let’s start the day again….. Morning husband!!” 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

The mist was rolling in from the sea (cue Paul McCartney)

By the time we got home the mist had come down but cleared within an hour or so. It’s been a glorious day.

I had a good few dog behaviour calls today so got on with that as Craig got the camper van awning out so we can sell it.

He agreed to do this by himself so that we didn’t argue… 😇😍

In the meantime I booked him 2 jobs for this week and and puppy for myself. I ended up working for quite a while today. I felt totally confident until I got tired…..

I also got the camper booked in to Tartan Campers for the reversing camera…. finally answered my 4th text, so it’s off in w/c 23rd March. I haven’t tackled the wheel issue today but it will still be there tomorrow.

I washed blankets, got the awning up for sale and then Claire popped in for a garden cuppa as she’s off work today.

Forgot to say I got this lovely card from my Auntie Jac last week ♥️

And this lovely edible coloured orange wool which she picked in last year but never got the chance to give me. It’s a beautiful colour 🍊🧶

So in chatting right Claire I realise I have had very productive day. I don’t feel great… the tears are not far away but the main thing is there is no real reason for it. There is nothing bad or upsetting. It’s just general low mood. Spending time in the sun really helped. Actually sitting out with a T-shirt on at one point when the upstairs office got too hot! That’s gonna be a sweat box in the real heat if I can’t cope on the 1st March. 🥵😆

Stay safe everyone 🧶🍊🧶

Day 337 anniversary of redundancy…. feeling a bit meh today 😔

It’s a year to the day since I was let go from full time employment.

I was bloody good at my job. I’m very driven, I gave my life to my work and still believe it’s probably the reason we never had kids. It was all or nothing for me. I wanted to change the world. As a people pleaser it was probably not the best industry for me to be in. I fell into manufacturing during my year out in industry at University. Every job thereafter follows the same path as that’s where your experience lies. You don’t realise that anything else is possible.

I like to think I made a difference to manufacturing but it made a huge difference to me and changed my life.

On Monday 4th September 2018 I fell apart. Honestly I’d been in pieces for a long time before that but on this particular day the tears would not stop.

I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t put on the mask. I couldn’t pretend it was ok. I worked for management that demanded results and I managed a team of people that struggled daily with everything that was thrown at us. New computer systems causing more errors than not, customers demanding new variants in lead times that were impossible to achieve.

I suppose looking back it was always going to happen. Trying to please everyone. Everyone except myself. I came last.

Sadly when you are off with mental health, very few people contact you. I guess they are scared to say the wrong thing. It’s not like breaking a leg. There’d be cards, flowers, banter. Going off sick with anxiety and depression is hush-hush. People disappear of the face of the earth. People you spoke to every day, people you thought were good friends. Nothing. Society drives this nervous, uncomfortable approach to anyone that “has bother with their nerves”. I don’t believe it’s out of badness.

When a message does come through it’s the best feeling ever. Someone had thought of you, remembered you. You must count after all but the feeling doesn’t last long.

I quickly realised that I had to drive my own recovery. I’ve said before that’s the hardest thing ever when you’re at the lowest point in your life. Without that drive to get better, nothing would have changed. I was letting everyone down…. or so I thought.

After counselling and Kinesiology sessions, I found the strength to return after 14 weeks. I was no longer the golden girl. I dropped right off the radar and was no longer eligible to attend the Senior Management Conference. The biggest kick in the teeth ever. Announced on a conference call like it was nothing.

I lasted until the end of May 2019. I tried, I really did. By now I was convinced I was no-one. Nothing made me think otherwise. I always knew that time off sick would ruin my career and it did.

My post became redundant in January 2020 and my contract terminated on 28th February 2021.

And what a year it has been…… none of us amines what was coming. How could we ever have guessed??

Claire and I had a lovely evening at the fire pit last night. I made a cheese toastie for dinner in my Ridge Monkey toastie maker and some apple turnover type thing. That didn’t quite work and came out a bit of a mess but tasted good!

Freya and Bhru had a great time outside all evening. Calaidh was with us trying to get at all the snacks 🤣

Craig went to a gig last night lockdown styley… The Bluetones played online and he said it was really good…. and I didn’t have to go and pick him up!!

So here I am today. Still beating myself up for everything, still my worst critic, still not appreciating how far I’ve actually come.

I’m lying on the couch on a crocheted blankets covered by a 2nd crochet blanket and it does make me laugh at how colourful my life has become.

This morning we finally decided to put Jeepey McJeepface up for sale. We pulled together the details of all the extras and got it up on Autotrader. Tick in the box!

We then “attended” the virtual Camping and Caravanning show. For the last few years we’ve gone to the SECC with our neighbours Jim and Fiona and it’s been a great excuse to have a lovely wee lunch out. Not today…. the virtual show was a good idea but mainly links to websites of the companies that chose to be involved. So we kinda “did” the show in about 20 minutes.

I’ve not moved off the couch since.

I think it’s pretty simple. I’m really tired. I feel exhausted. I don’t have any real reason to be…. but I am.

As an aside… Craig just brought through some Manchego Cheese, Sundried Tomato and Green Olive pitta chips….. I reached out to take one and he says “now… one at a time and breathe in between them”…. he knows me too well 😆🤦🏻‍♀️🙄🤣

I am so frustrated in my exhaustion as I think I should be making better use of my time. I should be walking, should be eating healthy, should be, should be.

It’s only 1.30pm and I’m going to publish the blog early today. I don’t plan on doing to much else. I am going to accept that this is enough.

I’ve already eaten 10 pitta chips.

He’s not looking so won’t know.

I did breathe in between them.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 336 spent like a huffy school kid but ending on a high!

Boy am I in a grump today?! I’m trying so hard not to be but I feel like a kid in a strop with a petted lip.

I didn’t wake up until 8.37am so my first thought was “usually done about 5K steps by now” rather than what a lovely sleep and a lovely long lie. Which it was.

And you don’t wanna be doing that?!? Of course I read this as “chins” and smiled. Another kick to myself there.

Saw this advertised…. how cool given that our business is Pawsitive Solutions?!? 🐾

So it was one of those days where nothing quite went right and yet good did come out of it. Craig decided to tidy, clean and pressure wash the patio today. He HATES those slabs with a vengeance but we have to make do with what we have for now.

We couldn’t find a hose connector that I can pretty much picture sitting on every shelf and in every cupboard in the house. Could we find it?! No….. and I’m grumpy anyway… end up pulling everything out the kitchen cupboards as it needs cleaned anyway….

I have again been “without Ruth” end thrown out so many things that we just weren’t using. So the plus point today is that all the lower cupboards having been gutted. My head says to tell you it was only one side of the kitchen as I didn’t manage to do the whole lower kitchen. Another self kick…

I decided at one point to head up to B&M stores to pick up some large plastic baskets to make the cupboards more organised. Put the van in reverse and turned to pull out the car park and heard a sickening crack…. some neighbours came over but it would appear the big wheels on the van have taken out some of the wheel arch.

Now…… I’ve known since I got them that they were a bit too big. I can’t get full lock… I knew that. I was ignoring that in the hope it would all get better. The size of wheels sold to me are meant to fit my van.

Came back into the house and called the wheel company. Obviously there is nothing that they are really going to do given that they are down south. They did reiterate that those wheels and tyres should fit my van. They suggested it had been lowered….. now I don’t think it has but I now need to get a garage to check. They also recommended trying a good camper van conversion company as they would help. Shame my conversion company aren’t answering me right now…… still waiting on the reversing camera to be booked in for investigation and repair or replacement. Not happy. Petted lip. Mini tantrum.

So I have been on my feet and knees all day (stop it….) and have done a mere 1,575 steps so I’m also annoyed at that.

It’s now 3.15pm and only just ate about half an hour ago. Think I was “hangrey”. I’ve sat down to write the to calm myself down.

Oooooh I find this hard on the days where my “in-love-with-life-lah-de-dah-ness” disappears

On another plus side, the patio area looks amazing!

I dragged myself out a walk with Bhruic. We went up to the site of the old Treane House which is sadly now a landfill site but there’s still a decent walk round about it.

Yeah not that way Bhru 😱 she is actually on the edge of a cliff?!?

So now I am having a nap. I have actually come through to bed. This nap is serious.

I did not sleep….. never mind. I rested.

To be fair I’m cooking cheese toasties and apple jaffles not quite cordon bleu…. most importantly Claire is here for the evening banishing Craig back indoors!!

So very, very true.

Stay safe everyone 🔥🔥🔥