Day 100 of COVID-19 lockdown… what have we learned so far? 🌍❤️🌈

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💯days eh?! Which means I have written a blog every day for 92 days as I only started on what we recorded as our day 8. I see others saying we’re already up to 103/104 etc but this is when we calculated it at the time and rather than stress that my whole blog is worthless and rubbish the new me is choosing to keep going as is. It’s our day 100. Mine and Craigie’s and Calaidh’s and Bhruic’s and Freya’s….. forgive the poor English 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😬 but you know what I mean.

If anyone had told you, 100 days ago, that our lives were going to change in a way we could never begin to imagine, we just wouldn’t have believed it. A world where we could stand right next to anyone and touch anyone (with reason obvs!) and we literally hugged people we didn’t even know. We didn’t have a care in the world when it came to that kind of stuff. Yeah we turned out noses up at folk not washing their hands after going to the loo etc but we screwed up our face and moved on. We survived.

Now we have an unseen killer. A virus that can spread among us through touch, can survive on surfaces and pass to others and we can’t see it. We have no idea where it’s lurking and worst of all, people can have it and not even know they are infected. It’s the stuff of horror movies!!

We watched every virus movie while we’ve been stuck home and the truth is actually terrifying. We watched these in the past thinking they were just that… far fetched thrillers. We had no idea.

So 100 days ago, we finally realised how serious this was and Craig stopped work and we stayed home to save lives, to help stop the transmission of COVID-19. We “sheltered in place” as they said in America. We only left the house for dog walks and food shopping for months.

It feels like a time for reflection…. what have we learned in this 100 days? Apart from the fact that the rainbow is a sign of hope 🌈❤️

We’ve learned that family and being together is everything. We’ve been given a special gift to spend time with each other but we’ve also been told that we can’t see other family members or friends that have been a part of our daily lives. We’ve seen a community spirit that was always there in Gateside but growing in a way we would never have imagined. That old war time share and share alike. I’ve bartered with rice and milk and sugar… there’s been a lot of sugar passing over fences. We’ve made the best of the lockdown life we’ve been given. Generations ago our grandparents etc were sent to war, we were told to stay home and watch tv, I mean how lucky are we?

The material things in life have become irrelevant. Even with all the money and possessions in the world you still had to stay home. Businesses are realising people can work from home without the world ending and it will reduce their overheads and the carbon footprint of their staff.

We have learned to appreciate the present. To live in the moment as everything else is too uncertain. Everyone is living on the same terms. 🌍

Personally we’ve learned to appreciate each other again and communicate clearly as we have had time to spend together. We can see what makes the other tick, what triggers and argument and we can stop it in its tracks with a laugh or a shrug of the shoulders saying here we go again. Through writing this I have expressed my daily feelings in a way that shows how erratic they are, how quick they are to flare up to anxious, fever pitch but most importantly how virtually none of it is Craig’s fault. He doesn’t have to second guess everything. He can just read it if he didn’t already know it. 🤣🤣🤣

I have learned to slow down, to watch the world move on through different eyes. To watch my handsome husband and smile realising he’s mine, to walk 3 Border Collies without them pulling on the lead, to value the endless movie nights, the takeaways and the connections with others. I hope that the world will be a better place as a result.

However, we have to remember that we have been untouched by this deadly virus. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We are very lucky.

Worldwide stats

The UK have lost 44,131 souls to COVID-19 officially but there is evidence that the number of excess deaths for this year far exceeds that. Scotland stands at 2,488 people so far.

England is seeing a surge in new cases, particularly in London where the R rate is creeping above 1. For everyone one person infected at least one other person catches it. There seemed no doubt this would be the case as the amount of protests and large gatherings threw people together at a time when we were still meant to be 2m apart. It’s easy for me to sit here smugly and be happy that our lockdown isn’t as loose as England’s, that our government is being more strict.

Localised restrictions in Dumfries and Galloway now too
I’ve read today that Boris has urged people not to think of Saturday as Super Saturday as we need to still be careful and make sure that we protect each other by not spreading the virus. Yet apparently pubs can open at 6am….. several chains are planning to open just after this. Maybe it just because I don’t drink anymore that this seems so crazy to me?!?

I am nervous of normal returning as I had stepped back from normal for a good year or so. This is my new normal and I love it!!

I did not love the weather today!! It has stoated down all day… absolutely soaked on the dog walk again.
This is where the dogs usually play and Craig day over the other side of the burn. Bhru stuck her tongue in it to take a drink but didn’t go any closer.
Same at this but! It’s like they are on a life raft together 🤣
Phone got soaked every time I took a pic!
Drookit pup #1 wouldn’t stop playing with the stick long enough! Check the coos behind her under that tree… miserable!
Drookit pup #2
Drookit pup #3 always happy regardless of the weather… 😬😆
Bhru’s telling Calaidh Reek St is flooded
Did manage to see some beauty in the dreich day!
Thistles in the rain

It’s all about how you look at it… I was walking along thinking this is miserable, cold and wet, must be crazy being out in this when I saw a neighbour in Reek Street and he said “good weather for ducks!” 🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆 that really made me smile as I’ve not heard that in years!! Splashed through all the puddles in my wellies from then on! 😆

And I wonder why my house isn’t a palace?!? Check these 3…. how many sopping wet dogs can you fit on a couch?! Least I put their dog robes on!! Unlike some people 😬🤣

Came home from dog walk and did a poop scoop as I was soaked anyway…. thought it would be a good idea to do it before the bins go out. Got the grey bin ready and took it round the front…. it’s Friday…. grey bin doesn’t go out until Tuesday……. wtf 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣 my brain is frazzled today as it’s been such a busy week. Not busy in the sense of how busy I used to be… but very busy for me. I did another 2 Pawsitive Solution calls today… the first was dreadful… it was like putting the wheelie bin out 4 days early! Nothing flowed…. but the second was great.

This is what I have to put up with…. 🥰😆🎾🐶

So now I am wrapped in my crocheted blanket with my feet up in front of the fire. I plan not to move until bedtime!

Thanks again to everyone for sticking with this everyday. It means a lot!

Stay safe everyone ❤️💜❤️ here’s to the next 100 days and who knows what they might bring?!? X

Day 607 the calm(ish) after the Storm Arwen 🌪🌪🌪

Wow well that was some night. I don’t remember a storm that bad, certainly not since we’ve lived here. It was wild!

I think we were luckier than the east coast of Scotland. I have seen friends and family that have lost sheds, greenhouses, fences and poor mum and dad had some mega force of wind take down not only their fence but push over their heavy double wooden seat!

Our house was cold last night. The force of the wind blowing on the windows and doors was crazy. I had to wrap a scarf and a hoody round the door handle to try and cover the lock to stop the wind from howling through it! We do have a very old house so it’s not the most weather secure.

The wind howled all night. I didn’t sleep great as I was either listening to it or being woken up by it. We hear very little from our bedroom normally as the walls are about a foot thick. This was walloping into the weindow panes and finding every angle necessary to get through!

We woke to Calaidh having a 6.15am bark at the wind…. the joys eh?!

6.15am

However it was a beautiful morning and I’ve got loads done. I started with a dog walk with Bhruic and Freya at 8.30am.

Lovely clouds
This was the worst we found, a big branch down that someone had moved onto the verge
Almost sunrise
First icy puddle I’ve seen!
Of course there’s a gate!
Everything is so bright in the sun!
Sun’s up!
The tree in Geilsland estate
Sun between two trees
Walking into Gateside
Everything beautiful in the winter sun 🌞
Nature is amazing. All the leaves are piled like this!
Sunrise in the village
Maybe we should sweep them up?! Freya says??

Back home to drop them off and take Calaidh up the hill.

Sunrise on the edge of the village
Off we go!
Those patches are icy!
I spend so long avoiding the pylons in my local photos… I decided to embrace one!
The farm
Another gate!
Calaidh enjoying her walk
Spooky tree!
Not sure what I’m trying to achieve with this photo?!? Hard to make a star shape when you’re taking the photo and holding a poo bag!! Shows the the long winter sun shadow and Calaidh just above my head waiting for me
Good girl!
Love these trees!
Lovely view up the hill
Love this pic, Calaidh living her best life!
Back down to the main road

Back home and shower before heading straight down to my lovely friend, Gayle’s, shop for Christmas cards. She does some lovely ones from Gateside so I always like to try and get them before they sell out.

Doesn’t the window look beautiful 🤩
Loved these guys!
It’s just so beautiful

Back home and out to Abbie the campervan for a major clean out! I found a packet of scones that went off on 11the September!!!!! And the worst of it is.. they still look ok….

No sign of mould!!!

Spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon out there in the van pottering, with the heater on of course. Felt really good to get it back into shape.

Then it was time for lunch and a weeeeee nap!

This pair were sitting on my knee so this is a selfie!! Love the look on Bhruic’s face.

Mum called and we had a good wee chat and it woke me up enough to get moving again, changed the bed, tidied the bedroom, put washing away. It feels good.

Just before I started to make dinner I went to let the dogs out the back and noticed the most amazing sky!

Not sure the photo even does it justice.

It was stunning.

So lucky to catch this as it was over in minutes. A reminder that life is short and you should look around so you don’t miss things.

I’m cooking chicken pizza for dinner tonight with olives, peppers, onion and goats cheese. We’re having that with roasted potatoes and broccoli healthy style.

It’s still freezing outside but both fires are on and it’s super cosy inside.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 606 shopping with mum!! 🛍🛍🛍🛍♥️

Up before the birds for the Fit Body Farm and did a wee jig in the street when I saw Rachel two doors down getting into the car to go to her gym… we’re a crazy lot in this village!

The farm was hard this morning. Constant activity but at 6-7/10 effort… no breaks. It’s hard to work at 6-7/10 when everyone is bombing past you on the first run and you’re trying to speak in a loud voice to remind them it’s only 6-7/10 effort…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

So probably 10 x 500m runs this morning with wall ball targets, burpee broad jumps, sled push and pull and walking lunges with 20kg rec bags in between. As usual it starts off hard but I did settle into using the run as the kind of rest before the next exercise.

It was super cold and windy this morning. The grass was SOAKING and freezing once the wind caught my wet clothes. Yup crazy 😝

So, unusual for a Friday, but I had a shower at the farm so I could head straight to meet Mum without going home first.

The sunrise was pretty spectacular again.

The moon is quite small
Sunrise in the van windows in

So it was a nice drive this morning. A huge trip down memory lane as Google maps took me past Kilmarnock and through East Kilbride , both places we used to live. Not driven those roads in years but missed all the Glasgow traffic and got to Livingston Designer Outlet for 9am.

Of course we did it again and agreed to meet for shopping on Black Friday. The car park was full almost by the time I met mum only about 10-15 minutes later and pretty quickly the shops were heaving!

Of course we went for breakfast first and I had porridge with honey and an Oat Milk Latte. We didn’t get any photos but my FB memories today from 2016!! Told you we make a habit of it!

Today looked pretty much like this but without the chocolate!

This is me in 2016… before I went off sick and piled on the weight!

2016 🤷🏻‍♀️💕💜

So we had a good wander round but definitely don’t have the shopping stamina we used to have. Took some photos in the Lindt shop but proud to say didn’t buy a thing. 😆

How many flavours?!?
This wee guy was huge!
Merry Christmas from Lindt!

We went into Muffin Break for lunch as everywhere was queued out the door except Krispy Kreme and Muffin Break for some reason.

Claire sent me this and said drive carefully home. It was some stormy drive back though I left about 1.30pm. Two hands on the wheel all the way. Yea I know you should always have two hands on the wheel but you know what I mean. Really holding on!

Gavin the Fit Body Farm coach (and owner) has sent me a link to a motivational book called “The Thin Woman’s Brain” and I’ve been listening to it while driving since Tuesday. It’s actually really good and as he said, same applies to guys too.

It explains why we overeat and how naturally thin women have a different relationship to food than those who have generated a food addiction. So today I’ve not had access to the best choices of food but I have thought about the flavours, savoured the food in my mouth and tried not to eat anymore when I became full. It encourages you to think about the difference between actual hunger and brain hunger. Brain hunger is the reason I put on 3 stone throughout my illness. I’ve understood that my buying and devouring the whole bag of Cadbury’s Chocolate Buttons, on almost a daily basis, was my body’s way of trying to generate some dopamine. Really all it did was give it a small hit but created an addiction for more. It’s really interesting and well worth a read or listen.

So straight into bed, when I got home, with the electric blanket on! Couldn’t really sleep but had a good hour or so rest.

My FB post on View from my window is now up at 39,600 likes with over 4,700 comments!! I’ve tried to keep up with them but sure I’ll be liking comments for a good few weeks to come. It’s finally slowed today but I’ve got loads to go back to. What a wonderful page.

I think I said before that I have my FB set so that I only see positive posts now and use it as a tool to help me write the blog. It’s a great feeling to take control over what you see.

I’m in jammies ready for a cosy Friday evening in front of the fire as the wind whistles down the chimney and howls outside the windows.

Happy weekend x

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 605 first snow hits Scotland’s roads and heard the first Christmas song on the radio. 🌨☃️❄️🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

“I wish I could be Christmas every daaaaaaaaay” 🎶🎵 was blaring out from the radio today as I walked through the workshop to the loo….. I actually did a wee dance. Me.. Mrs Bah Humbug Christmas.

It’s the 25th November and that’s the first one I’ve heard. On the same day that snow fell on the A835 in the North of Scotland. This is the road that links Inverness to Ullapool.

It’s really super cold today. It was a beautiful start to the day.

6.30am
7.15am

When I got to work the sky was pink again.

I feel so lucky driving to work when the weather is like this.

A busy day again today. It’s been a good week and we’ve got loads done. There were things that went wrong…. that went right as soon as they’d gone wrong and that made me smile. Things I lost that I found straight away and made me smile. I felt in control today. As I read that back I wonder how things could be lost if I found them straight away… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤣😆 I reckon you know what I mean!

Love this!

So I’m late tonight as I’ve been out at the AGM for the Memorial Hall across the road from the house. I’m Assistant or Vice Treasurer (seems to be up for debate!) so just did my first annual report… albeit about 8 months late… due to various reasons outwith our control. This years accounts are ready for audit ahead every month if needs be. Will be AGM’ing again soon for next year!

It’s 9pm already so I’m going straight to bed. Meeting mum tomorrow for a wee shopping trip so need to get my beauty sleep. 🤣🤣

Oh and I’ve just agreed to do Tough Mudder next year with Craig and Rachel two doors down and a group from the village. I am in shock that YES came out my mouth when I was asked but bring on my 50th year on this planet!! I better get training…. 😱🤣😱🤣😱🤣😱

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 604 a much better day and a reflection on my love of crochet 🧶

Well who knows why you get a good day when nothings changed since yesterday but hey, my heads screwed on the right way round today.

I wake just before the alarm at 4.45am which is a nice change from the usual 3 or 4am…. And the Fit Body Farm was good today. I felt wide awake and really up for it. There were at least 25 folk there today, the busiest class I’ve ever seen. All of those people exercising at 6am. Crazy eh?! But very dedicated.

It was pouring by the time I came out from my shower. We were so lucky to work out in the dry. It was so misty and murky when I left.

Work was good. Super busy and I didn’t do half of what I needed to do but today my head says that’s ok. It is what it is, I did my best.

Radley the work dog was super cute today looking for tummy rubs!

Honestly check me… I amaze myself. I can be in bits one day and totally in control the next. I have to say I love the days where I am.

The sky was pink when I left work tonight.

These colours remind me of my bedroom walls when I was a kid! I had pink, silver and grey wallpaper…. Random huh?!

Lots of poetic license here as the industrial estate is not attractive so I had to cut the bottom out of them all 🤣

I’ve got my Crochet Hookers group at 7pm. I’ve not crocheted for ages, I really need to get the hook out! I’ve got a blanket to finish.

So I enjoyed sharing photos last night and started thinking that I could write some blogs about some things from the past too.

So tonight… I’m thinking some past crochet for a start.

I have never been creative. My lovely Gran was and this is the reason I took up crochet.

Gran made me these when I was a wee girl. I grew up with these blankets and have had them in every bedroom I’ve ever had. I’ve marvelled over the colours she picked. I have favourite squares…. 💜

When Gran was in her care home towards the end she tried to teach me to crochet and I was really bad at it. She got a wee bit frustrated with me!

This is me with Gran when she was telling me my hair was too long and getting in her face. She always thought I should have it cut short.

Oh and this is her chair that I sit in all the time!

I’ve always wanted to be able to do it and one of my lovely neighbours, Anne, said she was going to a class a few years back and I said I’d love to go with her!

The very first square I ever tried.

We were in fits of giggles that night as we couldn’t crochet in a straight line… I reckoned it looked like an eye patch!

And I thought this looked like a moustache

One day it just clicked and I have been “granny squaring” ever since. I think it’s lovely that it’s called a granny square and maybe that’s why it’s the only thing I ever do!!

My blanket!
A blanket I made for my Uncle Ewen’s mother-in-law” who’s in a care home!
A baby blanket I made for my fiends shop
A blanket I started but haven’t finished
The blanket I made for our footstool
A baby blanket
Some coloured squares that still need joining
A random blanket I made for a horse!!! Using up spare wool 🧶
Craig’s blanket

There are loads more unfinished projects upstairs. Crochet got me through the hard days . It gave my mind something to focus on while I was off sick. I met the loveliest ladies in our crochet class who have become very good and supportive friends.

I can highly recommend it. 💜

Stay safe everyone 🧶🧶🧶

Day 603 a moany cow day so sharing some lovely photos ♥️

Wow I’ve been a right moan today. I woke at 4am. I tried to fall back asleep, tried not to make it a big thing. I maybe dozed for a few minutes but didn’t get back to sleep.

I knew my anxiety was quite high this morning. There’s no reason for it at the moment, at least I can’t put my finger on it. I felt antsy, nervous.

I felt ok by late morning but had a few wobbles. I couldn’t think straight and had to write a lot of lists.

On a positive note I have 35.1K likes on my photo on View from my window FB page. 244 people have shared my post. How crazy is that? How lovely is that actually. The comments I have on it are so heart warming.

So instead of writing a whinging blog I’m going to share some of my favourite photos.

Corran Sands, Jura
The first day I went volunteering after being off sick for a year and a half. I was terrified inside. Came home and burst into tears so grateful that it was over
Portencross Beach
Puppy Calaidh
Puppy Bhruic
Puppy Freya.. the runt of the litter
And then there were 5
My heart ♥️
Teamwork
Princes Beach, Eriskay
Too cute
Oban
Ardrossan Beach
Largs sunset
Smoo Cave, Durness
Barra – storm coming in
Otter pools. Galloway Forest
Loch Lomond
My lovely Gran with Freya

So I think that’s enough for tonight but I’ve been enjoying picking out some photos. Tomorrow will be a better day and this was better than me overanalysing what was just an off day I reckon.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 602 Fit Body Farm sunrise, Tartan HQ moon and a FB post going crazy!

Back to the Fit Body Farm this morning… seems too soon… but it went well… lots of kettlebell work this morning.

I go for a shower at the farm before I head to work. I just switched the shower off when I heard a door slam…. Yup… they forgot about me this morning…. Now it’s nowhere near as dramatic as it sounds….. the lights were all off but I found a way out! It was actually quite funny.

I walked out the door to this…..

It took my breath away. So I took so many photos I was almost late for work!

This is the Obstacle Course Race climbing frame
This is where we run some mornings
Sunrise reflections

I drove to work in a daze checking out the view everywhere and when I got to work the moon was high and bright. These photos are nowhere near as pretty.

The colours are amazing….. Shame it’s over an industrial estate but hey this is reality.

It was a good day at Tartan HQ today. I found another mistake I’d made this morning and it wasn’t the end of the world. It was it something that just needed fixed and I didn’t fall apart.

It was very cold this morning….. I actually resorted to foot warmers this morning. Now I have to say, they didn’t work immediately… but they did take the edge off. (49 going on 89 eh?!?) 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

By midday I was roasting… 🤣

I had feta salad for lunch… I’m back on track today and it feels good. I’ve not lost as much this week but that’s only to be expected with birthday doughnuts and cake 🎂 🤣

This is the garden now… it’s so pretty with lights on.

So that leads me to this FB post… there’s a page called View from my window. It’s lovely. People post so many stunning views from their houses… from all over the world. Most of them post a wee story about how long they lived there, why they live there or what living there has been like for them.

So I thought I’d post a pic from Gran’s chair. Compared to the photos I have seen my view was nothing special but I told them what it meant to me. I currently have 25.8k likes.

Can you believe that?! 3 dogs, some slabs and a wall. How could I have underestimated it so much. To so many people on the world our home is older than their country.

I have been blown away by the comments from people all over the world. It restores your faith in humanity… there are so many people out there with a lovely thing to say. Support for my mental health, oodles of love for the puppers and awe at the history we live with every day and maybe take for granted.

Wow. I’ve just checked again and it’s 25.9k likes now. It’s crazy.

I’ve done loads since I came in from work so it’s been a good day. Things done, boxes ticked and a wee surprise at the power of a simple FB post.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 601 a lovely trip to the coast on a truly stunning day ☀️☀️☀️

What a beeeeeeea-U-tiful day! There was a stunning sky at 7.30am because of course I didn’t manage a lie in again today. why would I after a strenuous workout yesterday?!

Beautiful clear sky

It’s cold so we have the stove on for the first time in ages.

Toasty

We had coffee while I sat in Gran’s chair. Basically that means that the side of me next to the fire is roasting and the side of me at the door is freezing. 🥵🥶 she says trying to edge in to the fire… 😬🤣

I was swithering about what to do with my day when Claire messaged to ask if I was taking the dogs out. Told her I was toying with the beach so she said she’d come too!

Funny how they swap round!
Portencross car park

There were cows in the field and their feeder was right up at the gate to the beach. Now this is controversial as I know I don’t own the land but you’d think we could have access to the beach from the car park without having to negotiate a herd of cows. Thankfully I saw them as we drove past so knew to have the dogs on the lead. People near beaches must get inundated with visitors so I do understand but it’s just another path that’s getting closed off. It’s not often I’m a wee big negative but this makes me a bit sad.

Isn’t this just totally stunning 🤩
Throw the sun Auntie Claire!
The Isle of Arran wearing a fluffy white wig!
Look how blue the sky is?!
Sand worms 🪱
Panoramic- click in it to view in full
I love this house 🏡
Loved this long grass!

We watched the lifeboat come flying out to this ship, speed round the back of it and then off out in front as if leading it in somewhere. Was a fascinating few minutes trying to figure out what was going on!

Claire bought me Turkish Apple Tea for my birthday so I took that down in the van and we had that with some Marshmallows that Craig had got me from the Marshmallowist.

Claire with Arran on her shoulder.
Side shot Sunday

It’s been a stunning day. Everything seems much brighter when the sun shines. The colours are so vibrant in the winter sun.

Ready to go home now mumma!
Calaidh being a beauty
Conked out!!

Had the best wee trip out, came home, wrote most of this and then into the pub next door for wee Rachel’s 12th birthday party!

It’s now 8.20pm and I’ve just quickly made breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and packed my sports bag for the morning.

My diet has been pretty shocking since Wednesday. Now when I say that, it’s nothing like it was but I’ve had more sugar than I’ve had in the last 3 weeks.

I feel it. There’s a bubbling anxiety that I’ve not done quite what I wanted and I’m not as calm as I’d want to be at this time on a Sunday night.

But actually… there’s nothing wrong, everything’s ready and I’m writing a list for the week. There’s no need for it. I need to screw the nut the next few weeks to get back on track and cut the sugar back out.

It’s a lovely calm and cold evening out there tonight. The moon is so bright.

So I hope you all have the best week. Be kind to everyone you meet as you’ve no idea what’s going on in their lives. ♥️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 600 half Hyrox event 🏃🏽‍♀️🏋🏻‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️ & 600 days of my blog… wow who’d a thunk it?!?

So let’s deal with the numbers first…. 600 days of writing a daily blog. Seriously, can you actually believe it?!?

600 days ago I decided to keep a blog about life in lock down. I had been off sick from work since September 2018 with anxiety depression.

My position was made redundant in on 28th February 2020. That was about 20 days before we went into COVID-19 lockdown.

None of us knew what was coming.

I went into lockdown without a job.

That was equally terrifying.

To be fair I was nowhere near ready to look for a new one. I still had a long way to go before I had the confidence to work for anyone.

I quickly found how much I enjoyed writing it. I needed to write it. While I tried to keep it as a diary of lockdown, I found that it really helped me to make sense of all the jumbled up feelings in my head.

I am an overthinker.

I worry about the day I never saw…. As my Gran would say…. 💜

I have all the tools to control it. Yet sometimes it’s so overwhelming that I forget all of those tools. Yet I sit down anywhere from early afternoon to early evening every day and write down how I’ve felt during my day and it really helps me.

I spend the day collecting blog content in my head, it gives me some focus.

It’s been the best thing I’ve ever done…. I’ve done it for me and it helps me so much.

On top of that I gave up drinking alcohol in January 2019 and I have 1,052 days alcohol free under my belt. I am a much better person without it. It’s been a very difficult journey and a lonely one at times but it’s right for me.

I also hit 98 days without anti-depressants and that, for me, is huge!!! I am managing my life without the meds and I am so, so very proud of it.

So that said, I was anything less than mediocre today. We undertook our first Hyrox challenge at the Fit Body Farm today. Check us.

Now this was a Hyrox Half so we did half of everything on that list, that’s still 4K of running along with all the other exercise in between.

I was overwhelmed by it all even when we arrived. I’ve never taken part in a sports event before. I’m like a kid at the FBF who expects to be pointed in the right direction all the time and we had to take responsibility for all of this ourselves. Big girl pants.

I found it really hard. Craig and I worked together and he finished the first four stages before me. I felt like I was holding him back. I felt like everyone who started after us was catching us up… my inner voice was so negative. The next four stages came way more easily to me. To be fair, I had half the weight Craig had.

I finished the last one before him and they all shouted me to run to the finish line. He waited for me most of the morning so I was never going to do that. We crossed the finish together…. huge high five and big hug.

I tried to swallow it down but burst into tears for a quick moment. The relief it was over, the adrenaline crashing now it was over.

We were done by 11am. I’ve been worried about it for way longer than it took to do it.

I was beetroot for ages afterwards.

We had hot showers when we got home and I didn’t want to get out of…. Ever.

Then we went down to Mocha Jak’s for lunch.

We had a lovely lunch. It was so nice to relax and be really proud of what we’d done.

Celebratory oat milk decaf latte !!

I feel like I’ve been rabbiting on for hours here and still so much to say…. Will speed it up.

When we came home I went into Claire’s for a lovely cuppa. Got some great pics of her handsome boy!

Then home for dog walk. I love a sunset dog walk.

I’ve been sitting for the last hour and half writing this and I might never move again. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😬🤣

I want to thank everyone who reads this whether it’s daily or from time to time. People who don’t even know me. I appreciate you all and hope that my ramblings help some of you.

Life is not easy. It’s how we face it that matters.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 599 am I milking this birthday thing now?!?! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Yup I think I am…. But I still let Craig make breakfast this morning without feeling too guilty. It was very lovely!

We were awake super early as seems to be the way these days. Got up at 7am and had coffee.

We started talking about Christmas presents this morning. Christmas usually hits in our house once my birthday is out the way.

Now I have always prided myself in being good at buying gifts for people. I love picking things out that I think they would like, love buying wee bits and pieces so that they have lots of lovely gifts to open and love watching them open them.

Now for some reason in these last few years I have lost all confidence in being able to choose gifts for people.

It started with my friend Lea’s birthday. I’ve know her for 20 years. She was our Maid of Honour. I’ve bought her gifts for 20 years and always known what to get her. She turned 40 just before we went into Lockdown 1.0 and I had no idea what to get her. I couldn’t buy her anything. The more I put it off the worse it got and it turned into a huge big thing for me. It’s almost like I used it as something to beat myself with.

So we finally bought her a ring that she wanted but I can’t shake off the feeling that I don’t know what to get anyone anymore.

To be fair I spent the best part of a year and a half at home “off sick” and pretty much hiding from the world. Maybe that’s enough to have made me lose track of people’s likes and dislikes but I need to get over it. And sharpish!!

So we headed out to the shops this morning and picked up some bits and pieces and I started to feel a wee bit excited about Christmas which is UNHEARD OF for me recently.

I’ve really struggled with it for years and I’m not sure I can put a finger on why….. that’s something to mull over the next few weeks.

So we then headed to Decathlon and I got a running jacket and long sleeved top with money from my parents and in-laws.

I love the way Bhruic is looking at me 🤣🤣

We were home by 12.30pm and I had to head straight back out to get my nails done. I now have red sparkly toes which no one will ever see 🤣🤣.

Then down to Tartan HQ to pick up Abbie the Campervan with her new solar panel which the boys fitted overnight.

I now have a 200 watt solar panel to help charge up my leisure battery. This means we can be off grid and still have the fridge and the diesel heater working.

I took the dogs out as soon as we got home.

The sky’s been funny all day today. A low level cloud that looks almost yellow, like dirty water. So strange. I tried to take a photo.

Love this tree in the Geilsland Estate.

And this next one.

The sky was stunning but I missed the best of it.

So back home and in jammies as I do. I’m writing this with Freya curled up on my lap and Bhruic by my side.

It’s been a great, chilled out few days.

The calm before the storm.

We have our first timed exercise challenge tomorrow morning at the Fit Body Farm. We’re both doing a half Hyrox.

It’s going to be hugely out of my comfort zone and way more exercise than we’ve done recently. The time isn’t the be all and end all. We’re doing it for the challenge.

Least I have a new jacket to wear 🥳

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 598 birthday celebrations and lunch! ♥️

I am so overwhelmed with the amazing birthday wishes that I received. I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful support.

I got loads of lovely cards and gifts yesterday too.

Sloth in a box from Craig ♥️🦥

I went to the village pub for my Crochet Hookers group and Evelyn brought carrot cake! I had a small piece and it was sooooo good along with alcohol free Gordon’s gin and tonic.

Craig came home just after 8 and we had crispy duck pancakes from the Chinese. Not had that in so long and really enjoyed it though didn’t eat half what I would usually eat!

How cool is this sloth card from my friend Lea?
Auntie Jac got me a matchbox sloth!

Craig did a healthy twist on birthday cake!

These are really lovely. They are obviously made without sugar but I’m finding my tastes have changed and anything too sugary seems like too much now and makes my teeth feel like they are bleeding sugar! who even am I now?!?! Only downside is that they all have a best before of 22nd November which is Monday…… whole lotta cake to be eaten by then. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😳🤣

I got a solar panel for Abbie the camper van which means we can be more off grid and don’t need to be on sites with electric hookup. we dropped her off at work for it to be fitted. He’d organised all of that. Not gonna lie I had all kinds of fear that we are far too busy to be bothering with my solar panel but it was all arranged.

We headed straight for lunch.

This is based at Fencefoot Farm in Fairlie on the west coast just south of Largs.

It’s a lovely wee place. They don’t serve alcohol so just water for us, which suits me. You can go to the Farm Shop and buy wine or beer and bring it in to the restaurant.

Starters were Cullen Skink and Scallops.

The scallops were on a puréed cauliflower with a curry sauce. It was exquisite!

Mains were poached Halibut with creamy samphire and mussel sauce over a bed of mash and pan seared fillet of cod with tumeric rice pilaff and a curried coconut sauce.

Halibut
Cod

It was so lovely. Followed with a decaf latte.

I didn’t want the lunch to end. Yet I couldn’t eat anymore even if I tried.

We drove home over the Fairlie Moor road and stopped foe a few photos. It’s been dreadful weather all day but the sun shone through the clouds for a few minutes.

View down the Fairlie Moor Road
Sun reflections on the Glenburn Fishery
Posing!
Sun shining through the clouds over Arran… not that you can see Arran… 🤣🤣
Just love this view
When the wind blows the hair in your face 🤣🤣🤣
Cattle grid
Love this arch of trees
Caaf Reservoir
Heading into Dalry

So we had the loveliest meal and I’ve been sitting in jammies ever since. Be rude not to.

So thanks again to everyone for making my birthday that but more special.

My flowers are blooming lovely!!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️