Well this was a wee last minute plan.

It looks like it’s going to be a lovely weekend so I thought I’d get away for an overnight in Abbie the camper van and oor Craigie said that he will cope and try not to be too sad and lonely without me #craigiehasanempty 🤣

I feel like I’ve not made good use of the van this year so really fancied a quiet night away in the sunshine so I’ve come to South Whittlieburn Farm just north of Largs, on the west coast of Scotland. It’s only 30 minutes from the house but a change of scenery and the fresh air, will do me good.

That said…. On checking in, I was told it likely to be pretty noisy tonight as they’re full…. I said I was having a wee quiet night away on my own and she grimaced and said “oooh I think you’ll be lucky….” 😳

That’ll be me later trying to shut everyone up!

So I’m up against a hedge hiding so I can pretend I’m up here all alone. I’ve wanted to try this site for a while. Sadly there no sign of the sea and I guess it’s just not really what I expected. At the moment it’s quieter in our own back garden with the pub beer garden full next door!!

There are workmen rough casting the main house so a fair bit of the noise is down to them at the moment.

I have my own gate 🤣🤣🤣

This is where social media can give you a false impression…. You can’t see all the other campers from my photos… just showing you the solitude…. 😆

So I was up at 5, worked very hard at the Fit Body Farm. It was the same as last week, the interval training killer session! There were only 7 of us so I quite like a wee quiet class.

Back home and out a walk with Bhruic and Freya first then back home to meet Holly (next door) and Leo and the second walk of the day. All this done by 10am.

Its 1pm now and I’ve done 14,224 steps already!

Should say here that the kennel cough pups are not too bad. Calaidh’s seems to have passed and Freya only has a slight cough now. Bhruic seems to have missed out which is good.

Craig was working in Greenock this morning so is going to drive past the campsite and we’ll head into Largs for lunch.

There’s no signal here so I will post this when out for lunch.

I have my crochet and a good book. I’ll be fine!

My blanket’s coming along really well though god knows where all these crochet things are going to go!! Our house is festooned with crochet blankets these days. I really do not live life in the fast lane these days. 😊🤣

We’ve come to Bueno Onda in Largs for food. We’re sitting outside with a view of the sea and it feels very cosmopolitan.

The menu is tapas and while service was pretty slow, the food was really good.

Highly recommended if you have the time to chill and watch the world go by.

Craig will drop me off back at the campsite and head home.

It’s been a lovely day so far!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I didn’t post last night as I had a really low day yesterday.

I felt very tearful when I first woke up, so much so that I decided to try and get a Kinesiology appointment to help sort out the extreme thoughts in my head.

I was lucky enough to get one for 5pm.

It was meant to be.

I didn’t want to write another post about feeling bad. There’s always the fear that I’ll “slip back” into depression and that fear probably makes me feel worse.

Anyway. Last night’s session focused on self forgiveness and gave me the following affirmation to say every day.

“I am clear, I am defined and I am on my path”.

I’ve felt so out of sorts recently with the burning desire to travel and a million reasons why it can’t be done. I felt trapped by the reality.

I see all these things saying life is short and yet I spend weekends doing nothing and going nowhere.

Hence the self forgiveness….

As usual…. The session does the trick. I am exhausted but I feel so much more calm than I did when I went in.

I get myself into such a state at times. I was about to say… for no reason… but that actually not true. These days my mind screams at me when it doesn’t like something….. I used to go about my day pleasing everyone else in the world, apart from myself…. Yet these days something goes “uh oh, no way, not this again, stop right there, something’s not right, here we go again…” and the chatter is incessant.

The minute I figure out what’s actually causing it….. calm.

So yeah, a much better mindset today.

I’m still really tired but no wonder as I’ve overthought so much there must have been 6 weeks worth of thinking in this one week.

I’ve got a wee half hour massage booked at Harmony in Beith tonight….and I need it. I’ve built up so much tension and worked hard at the Fit Body Farm.

Not gonna lie. It’s over as fast as I can type that sentence. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

It was amazing and I think I must have almost drifted off…. Need to do that more often. Norma works wonders. 💜

We’ve had a good week at work. I’ve just been battling negative thoughts and that’s made it so much harder.

Yeah shorts today, not my smartest move…. It’s not been that warm and the heavens opened about 3.30pm and I got soaked when I left work and had to take parcels to the Post Office.

Funny though after Tough Mudder…. None of that actually matters. 😆

And it’s now my weekend!

I’m ready for a rest.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Boy today was tough….

It wasn’t actually. It was only tough in my head. I’ve been so unkind to myself all day, honestly, it’s been relentless.

So let’s be clear…. The reality is that I had a good day, very busy and the time flew, but all in all a good day… and I can actually see that quite clearly.

My evil anxiety brain will tell you otherwise. Honestly it’s exhausting…. From the minute I opened my eyes.

Why did I waste my weekend? Why was I so lazy, why didn’t I do x, y or z?

Gets to the Fit Body Farm and found it really tough this morning. That’s ok, I just wasn’t feeling it this morning. Nope….. see, if you’d done more at the weekend, you’d have found that easier, serves you right. If you’d eaten more nutritional food you’d have more energy…. Everyone else is running faster… blah blah

Gets to work….the boss man is on holiday this week at the same time as the guy who has all the answers to my questions 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 this is not the end of the world, it’s only a week, I know my stuff and I’m more than capable. Nope…… what if, what if, what if….. how will you cope if…. You’ll fall apart, you’ll make the wrong decision, you’ll never get it right. Whatever you do won’t be the right thing.

It was really busy…. Lots of customers in. It was 1.30pm before I got lunch but I did take a full half hour and I even lay down in Abbie the camper van for a bit. That helped and I think I was kinder to myself in the afternoon.

I had so much to do, I should have stayed on but my head wasn’t focussed enough, it was caught up in my self created drama.

I almost feel like two people throughout these episodes now. I am so aware of how I’m sabotaging myself but just still can’t seem to stop doing it.

Some very wise words from my friend Tracey in Canada…. I kept myself safe by being small…. And now it’s time to live large and fearless.

Wow. It feels very safe to feel small, quiet and hidden from view and very scary to live large and fearless.

Typing that has brought the tears. Hits nail on the head.

On the outside I’ve been all smiles and under control but on the inside fighting all of this negativity.

Anxiety sucks.

I created all of that by myself, for myself. There’s no need for any of it.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

A rude awakening this morning…. the dogs sleep in the bedroom above us. We have an old cottage and the upstairs rooms are not built for oor tall Craigie but perfect for puppers.

One of them was coughing and sounding like they were going to be sick. I admit to lying for a while, listening and thinking it would pass but there came a point when it sounded so horrific I had to run up.

I then woke Craig and we watched her struggle as if trying to be sick but she actually perked up after that, she’s eating and drinking and been for a good walk.

So yes….. we went for a walk with Rachel and Nacho, two doors down this morning.

We may have nipped into our local coffee shop Mocha Jaks for a takeaway coffee!

Their flowers looked lovely against the dull, grey day.

It started to rain about now and has rained on and off again all day.

Calaidh standing in the burn waiting for something that never happened!

The flowers in our garden were looking lovely in the rain too… despite a dull day the colours are really vibrant.

So mood wise I’ve been better today. I’ve been tired but accepting of not doing much.

I did a meditation this afternoon with the focus on manifestation again. I’m really enjoying them.

We ended up on the pub for soup and a toastie at the back of 2 and I may have ordered the kids menu “Party Ice-cream” for dessert. (Think I manifested that?!? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣)

It was really lovely and all part of not denying myself anything. We won’t have dinner tonight. We won’t move off the couch now I reckon 🤣🤣🤣

Calaidh is still having random coughing fits and all you do is pet her and be with her until it passes….. this is signified by the moment she reaches for a beloved tennis ball and wants you to throw it. 🎾🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

With hindsight we think it might be kennel cough. We’ve listen to clips online that sound exactly like her cough. Poor poppet.

So all in all another really quiet day but made so much better by choosing it.

I’ve had a HUGE amount of travel show up today…

Wow!

Ok…. I hear ya!!

Pretty sure I definitely manifested all that!!

So that’s Sunday night again…. Here’s to an easy week with a calm and collected mind.

In control.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I had done 3 mini meditation and manifesting sessions before 7am this morning…. I woke at 5 and couldn’t get back to sleep so thought I’d put the time to good use!

I worked on the weight loss and manifestation of abundance and also cleared any negativity or trauma. (I sure seemed to pick that back up later on but hey… I put it down for a few hours or so…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣)

We spent some time online this morning, looking to plan a trip somewhere for next summer, taking Craig’s car and camping as we explore. Looking at Europe but will need to renew our passports before we can even think of doing that. They expired in April 2021 and there seemed no point in renewing them back then. Of course now, there are huge backlogs, so we will have to do it in plenty time at a cost of £150 😬

It’s been raining most of the day and while the ground really needs it, my mood has matched the sky. Despite a happy and mind clearing start to the day, I seem to have gathered my own storm clouds along the way.

We took the dogs out around lunchtime and I finally spotted some thistles growing at the side of the road.

I’ve seen a lot here over the years but there don’t seem to be many this year.

I love them so much. Funny how a thistle can make you happy…. Shoulda carried one of them around with me for the rest of the day…. 🤷🏻‍♀️😆

About 1pm I got back into bed and slept until 3.15pm. It was a great nap and I wasn’t disturbed by anything…. Not a single squeak was heard from the pup monsters.

I’ve been working on the Village Hall accounts the rest of the afternoon. They didn’t add up again so I took it all out on them 😆 they do now ‘cause I made them…. 👊🏼

So all in all that actually reads like a pretty perfect day.

So I will choose to be grateful for what I did do rather than all the other things I thought I should or would have.

I’m off to work on my crochet again! Hard life this eh?! I often think folk with kids must read this sometime and think that a day of nothing is their idea of heaven…. Where I’m feeling like it was a waste.

Have a lovely SATURDAY evening everyone… I actually remembered the day today. 😆 check me.

Stay safe everyone 👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼