Wow it’s 8.49pm and I am just home. Check me, gallivanting. She who couldn’t lift her backside off the couch last night, full of beans to meet my friend Lea for coffee tonight!

I woke at 4.45am with anxiety bubbling away. I tried every breathing exercise I could think of to stop it…. Then I picked up my phone. Not ideal but it does divert the attention. I felt like I had drunk about 4 cups of coffee.

I just got up and got lunch ready and headed into work early. Ended up not getting there very early as I faffed about leaving the house. Nothing came easily.

I could not remember the code to get into our portacabin….. which I use almost on a daily basis. I tried everything apart from THE actual code….. I had to ask one of the boys to remind me. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Work was really busy again and passed by quickly. I reckon by mid day the anxiety had passed and I settle back down but I’m not really aware of when it faded away. I felt more in control this afternoon than I have all week.

I had to come home straight after work tonight to let the dogs out and feed them as Craig was working. Then I headed up to Silverburn Shopping Centre.

Doesn’t matter how tired I am, the time passed in a flash and we’d been talking in Starbucks for over two hours!!

Had a Five cheese toastie as a treat…. Well there’s a contradiction in terms…. Not sure it has ever seen real cheese. There was a thin layer of what looked like a cheesey butter. It was rotten. The vegan brownie was deeeelicious though.

Was so great to catch up.

It’s funny as the drive there and home actually scared me a bit in the dark! I don’t drive much in the dark and that’s a long, winding road. I have these visions of someone jumping out in front of me or peaking out through the trees… active imagination or what?!?

And now I’m home…. And I sit down and realise I’ve been wearing my leggings inside out the whole time….

The best of it is the label sticking out at the back… thank god I wore a long top.

Growing older gracefully….

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Fit Body Farm was great this morning. It was busy too! Shot some basketball hoops, getting better at that and managed some other exercises that I’ve not been able to do before now… the side plank raising one knee towards your chest then the other. The first time I tried that a few weeks ago, I crumpled into a giggling heap on the ground!

The shower I was in flooded right around the toilet and almost out the door and this time I managed to remove the cap over the top of the plug and remove the (let’s face it… mostly my…) hair. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 Water flowed freely. Job well done!

So you can tell I’m faffing around a story. I’m super tired tonight. It’s 8.28pm and my creative juices are not flowing at all. I cancelled meeting the Crochet Hookers tonight as the minute I sat down on the couch, I felt I couldn’t move.

My anxiety bubbled over this morning as if I had drunk some strong caffeine…. My head emptied and I couldn’t think straight at all. I became breathless and antsy.

Works been a challenge this week and on the grand scheme of things, for very simple reasons. I feel I have lost my control.

We moved the office around to accommodate a new desk for the new girl and I got a new laptop. Very simple things. Yet nothing I go to do has been that easy this week. Everything’s moved, new passwords for everything I try to log into, files to be moved from the old laptop and trying to determine the best training plan. All the while the day job is still needing done.

In my old life I’d have moaned the face off everyone but got on with it… now I seem to fall apart a bit more easily. Panic maybe that it’s all going to come back and spoil my good run.

That panic sentence finally brought the tears. I hit the nail on the head again. The fear that I might let everyone down by not being in control.

That’s the other reason I write this blog, to make sense of everyday things in my head.

When you suffer from anxiety you need all sorts of fail safes so you can fall back on something if your mind empties. I’ve not been able to manage these fail safe mechanisms properly as I’ve not had the same access to them.

So I was able to quietly explain to my boss that the anxiety wasn’t great, no tears, no breakdown, just the facts. Got back to my desk and got on with the list of things that need doing. By lunchtime I was back feeling more in control again.

I didn’t want to face a blog about negative chat tonight yet actually I need to take the positives from it. I now know what todays trigger was and maybe next time I’ll be able to stop it happening.

I’ve eaten a wee bit more junk than normal, comfort junk to try and make myself feel better…. 8 Quality Street are about 400 calories and they weren’t even that nice!!

There was a lovely sky outside tonight when I left… I dragged the boss man out to see it. I told him not to roll his eyes 🤣🤣

So early night for me. I’ve not moved off the couch wrapped in a blanket.

Tomorrow is another day and I will keep on going as I always do. Oooh more tears there. Big softie.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Not much to say about my day today other than it was busy. I finally managed to read my emails which I haven’t done since we went back on 5th January though so that’s something!

It’s also been so lovely to leave work in the daylight again. So much hope for some warmth of summer… hey still a long way to go for that mind you. Ahhhh flip flops…. 🩴

So….I’ve been wanting to watch My Octopus Teacher for a while now and never quite got round to it. i think you make time for something when you know that you need it. so I’ve watched it tonight as poor Craig is working late.

What a beautiful story. 🐙 Its a film about about a guy who suffered from burnout and couldn’t function at his job anymore. He started cold water swimming in the sea next to his house and he starts filming this octopus that he comes across. He decides to go back down there every day to watch her progress.

Wow.

It’s such a calming and heartwarming story to follow. A naturally sad ending but Bhruic was lying on my leg and she turned to give me extra cuddles when the tears fell at the end.

I would never have slowed down enough in the past to watch something like this. Nature is overwhelmingly beautiful and amazing. He learned so much from the Octopus in the ocean. I’ve learned so much from watching it.

She (the octopus!) taught him that everyone is very important and to sense how vulnerable all our lives on this planet. She taught him that we are part of this place and not just a visitor.

I’ve just had a big cuddle with Freya and really felt present when I cuddled her. I know how crazy I sound but it’s really calmed my head.

I was a bit frazzled today… I knew I needed something to calm that completely.

We got this lovely pot of hyacinths when Lorna came for a meeting with Craig a week or so back. They are starting to bloom and I was so pleased to see there are mini daffodils in there!

I’m never that fussed about cooking when Craig’s not here yet tonight I made green lentil and cauliflower curry. From scratch, without planning it and using food we had in the house.

What is the world coming to?

Check me!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Ooooh I’ve just had one of those days where all things electronic seemed too much like hard work….. 🤬🤬🤬

I have been in password looping hell 🤣 got a new laptop at work which asked WAY too many questions at startup….. we are a small business, it’s a business laptop…. But we don’t have an IT department or help desk. The laptop set up could not compute that.

I tried the personal set up route… wouldn’t have that.

Anyway I’m not gonna bore you with that, tomorrow is a new day and I’m going tackle it with a fresh head. I do now have a number to call so hope someone can help me and maybe the same password will work twice?!? Too much to ask?!

The printer ran out of toner last week…. I never allow that to happen… until now…. Makes everything a nightmare as you suddenly need to print everything to be able to function…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Turns out the toner is not due until next Thursday…. How is that even possible on Amazon Prime?!? (Ok I know it’s possible… i just don’t want it to be!)

So I manage to source it elsewhere for delivery tomorrow… not having another day faffing about. Two minutes later, next Thursday’s toner arrives!!!! I mean…. Come on…. Give a girl a break. Actually so chuffed to have it I’m not even angry!

We’ve been busy at work but it’s been a great buzz…. All things computer and printer related aside. 🤣

The Fit Body Farm was hard work this morning. Loads of running as we hadn’t managed any with the snow on Friday. All good though, I managed it and even felt like I kept up!

I feel so much better for working out. I’m really enjoying my meals and no craving junk food at all… it’s taken me so long to get back to this.

So that’s all for Monday… as Mondays go it was no half bad.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It rained all day until about 3pm and even then there have been showers. It’s funny how snow creates so much beauty where the rain after the snow makes everything look so soggy and dirty.

I’m not sure where the day has disappeared to. I’m tired today… I feel exhausted and sooooo ready for a Nana nap. Maybe I just need a wee bit more weekend recuperation after working so hard at the Fit Body Farm these days. Maybe it’s the weather.

The dogs were barking on and off from 6am do I got up at 8 and let them out. Settled into Gran’s chair and put the wood stove on. It was so super toasty it’s no wonder I’d felt tired. I sat and read a book for the first time in ages.

I’m back in Grans chair just now writing this. I’m in recline. What’s not to love. 💕

We finished the Netflix Stay Close last night, it was really good. I think I called it Stay Calm in my blog yesterday. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 Freudian slip?!?

The dogs were posing in pairs yesterday.

I’ve been to Tesco for a super healthy food shop today… got soaked even just to and from the van. When I got back I thought it had stopped so headed out with the dogs. Still managed to get soaked.

I even saw the sun in the sky!

The sun was really bright when it came out. Had a real glare and warmth to it.

Actually now I come to think of it…. I took the same photo on Friday in the snow.

I got chatting to a lady who lives just past the tree and was there for about 45 minutes! Craig wondered what had happened to me… not enough to send out a search party though… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

So feet up…. And not moving for the rest of the day. I managed to get nothing up for sale but hey… I’m tired and that takes priority.

When I think about how I used to fly through life…. Never stopping to breathe, always on the go.

Now I take all the time I need… when I can. Some days it feels like I should do more but it’s not happening today.

Day 650 of the blog feels like another milestone. 650 days of doing anything daily is a commitment and a half. 😆 ooooh I almost forgot my Clean Company “Rum”…. I treated myself!!

I’ve bought Caffeine Free Diet Coke to have with this tonight and I’m really looking forward to it!

Life can be tough when you don’t drink AND try to avoid caffeine…. But needs must to keep the anxiety wobbles at bay.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Soooo after yesterdays snow excitement I have literally nothing to talk about today… but you know me… I will try my best.

We went out to the Run 4 It again yesterday afternoon as Craig was getting new running trainers so I managed to get a pic of the set up in the shop.

There he is on the treadmill getting his gait analysis. He has straight legs unlike mine so his choice was pretty straightforward, unlike mine the other day. 😬🤣

We popped into a Sainbury’s Local in Glasgow and they had lots of food reduced. They are city centre, business district based so I guess a Saturday is quite quiet for them so we picked up loads that goes off on the 8th….. we’ve eaten most of it already to be fair! A real bargain.

Back home for dinner and had Gyoza 🥟 and noodles 🍜 which is super tasty and like a takeaway but without the cost and the calories. Craig popped into the pub after dinner while I watched more of the Crown.

Still not sure about it but still watching.

You don’t get much peace in this house…. But instead you get lots of lovely puppy cuddles… Freya was laying into me big time. She’s great for evening cuddles.

Didn’t get to bed until almost 12!! That’s unheard of these days. We’re watching Stay Calm on a Netflix and it’s pretty obsessive. Highly recommended!

So today has been all about the housework again…. I got a bit disheartened this morning as I felt like we were just no wind stuff around but I have to appreciate what we actually did.

I’m frantically trying to get the duvet cover dry so we get clean bed tonight too!!

The snow is almost all gone. It’s that yucky wet way where it looks really dirty outside. Craig walked the dogs and they came back in and shook mud up the walls of the hallway and all over the floor. I’d just hoovered. I tried to keep calm. Craig said he thought I needed to eat something…. Turns out he was right. After a bite of lunch all was calm again and the dirty hallway forgotten. Well it’s not…. But you know what I mean. On the grand scheme of things, it’s not the end of the world. After a fried egg Warburtons thin… all is good!

I popped into Claire’s for a cup of Turkish Tea and had some Salted Caramel Lindt chocolates for the first time. They’re really very lovely.

Feel like we hadn’t had a natter in ages. Was great to catch up. I took her some books and she gave me the same quantity in return…. Damn this trying to clear out malarkey 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣

Back home now and sitting in Grans chair while Nana’s stove is roaring away.

I lit a candle (Mulled Wine scented which will either be lovely or will mess with my non drinking head!) and I’m enjoying the peace. The pups are sleeping as the heat had knocked them out!

I love the silence. There’s a clock ticking. I can hear and feel my breathing. Every now and then there is a huge clatter from the other side of the house….. Craig’s clearing out the office. 🤷🏻‍♀️😊🤣

A wee Scottish funny to end with. Happy Saturday night!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow it’s blawin’ a hoolie out there today. It’s bitterly cold and the rain’s been torrential for a large part of the day. Makes going to the loo, from our cosy portacabin, a real thought! Obviously at my age… still a necessity!

My Auntie Jac took some amazing photos on her walk this morning so I’ll share one that she sent me.

Isn’t that beautiful? I can only imagine what it was like to see for real. Was lovely to see when I was stuck in a portacabin in the hammering rain!

So another busy day today. We have a new girl started to work in the office with me so I’ve been trying to train her while dealing with everything that comes up on a daily basis. Not always easy but will be worth it in the long run. She’s fitted in so well which is great!

The house was freezing when I got home. The wonders of owning an old house. When the wind blows strong it finds gaps that no one knew existed. The heating is ramped up and I’m wrapped up waiting for Craig to come home for dinner.

We had heavy snow forecast for overnight tonight but the forecast has changed and looks like it might be about 3 or 4 flakes. So disappointing!! I thought the Farm might be fun in the snow tomorrow.

And suddenly it’s my weekend again…. Yay!! A whole two days at work and off again. We’ve no plans for the weekend but I think it might be to have a big clear out. A pre-Spring clean. It so badly needs doing.

Decluttering is such a great thing today. I’m actually looking forward to it. Or…. There’s always the possibility that I might just sleep for most of the weekend! 🤩🤣🥳

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Oooooh the 4.45am alarm was rough. To be honest it’s the thought of getting up and going back to normal which is way worse than actually doing it.

So I was up straight away as I had a weigh in and 5.45am…. And it was super cold and frosty. Thankfully Abbie had her windscreen wrap on. Even taking it off and getting in the van meant I had to sit for a few minutes to demist.

So weigh in news was all good…. I have maintained my weight through Christmas with no gain. Now while some would look for a loss, she who eats anything she can get her hands on…. Is actually pretty impressed with a maintain. I usually put on about half a stone or more over Christmas.

Th Farm was great this morning. Hard work out in the bitter cold but soon we were all whisking our hats and jackets off!

It was beautiful when I left.

It’s so lovely to see almost daylight leaving the Farm and heading to work. It’s a sign that the nights are getting shorter.

Abbie was looking spooky in the morning light.

It’s so still and calm and very, very cold.

So work was good today. Passed in a flash!

I’d looked at my work phone at 5am and spent the next few hours worrying about things I had or hadn’t done. My head chattered away until I actually got in and for on with it.

I had nothing to worry about. Anything that caused me concern was dealt with early on.

I was home at 4.30pm and it was still almost light then too.

My dinner was rotten…. Craig’s working tonight so will be so thankful he missed it….. cod fillet and cauliflower…. With a bit of cheese sprinkled over it. No photos as it was all white. 🤣🤣🤣 and bland… very bland. 🤣

Even Bhru is sticking her tongue out at it. 🤣🤣

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Ooooh back to the Fit Body Farm and work tomorrow. No big deal as we’ve had a really great chill out break but it’s the first time I’ve said “back to work…” after Christmas since 2019. Thankfully it doesn’t feel anywhere near as bad as it did in 2019 or many of the years before. Not gonna lie, I’m still not over the moon with the idea…. But it will be good to get some routine going.

I’ve just noticed our window is still looking Christmassy as the village hall still has its outdoor lights on.

These last few days have been lovely in the village as the road has been really quiet. Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 has an extra holiday at New Year which always feels really lovely. We miss out on one of the English bank holidays later in the year which always feels not so lovely 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣.

Just realised our back window looks way more festive as the coloured lights need unplugged. We always have the bright bulbs up throughout the year but you appreciate them way more on the winter.

So… nothing that exciting today. A tidy, a food shopping and a defrosting of Abbie the Campervan so I could get the windscreen shield on so I don’t have to sit with the engine running for half an hour at 5.30am and wake up all of the neighbours.

I’ve had another 2 hour nap this afternoon. I was tired and getting a bit nippy. 🤣 I got the electric blanket on and got into bed. Sooooo good but it was 5.36pm by the time I woke up. Maybe it was a 3 hour nap?!?! 😴💤😴💤

So I have honestly had the best Christmas break. We’ve not done a lot and I’ve felt the blog had sometimes been difficult as a result. It doesn’t make for riveting reading when nothing much has happened. To be fair though that also means my mood has been under control.

It’s the most Christmassy I can remember feeling for a very long time. We had some lovely quality time with family at Christmas and then with friends at New Year. I also haven’t eaten any where near the amount of junk I would usually have. My calorie intake and nutrition portions have been fairly in control all the way through. There haven’t been a lot of veggies this last week but hey… any improvement is an improvement.

Most of all… we have rested. It’s been a great recuperation ready to get back to it.

Check the potato I’ve just found… a heat or a tick….. either way. A positive potato! ♥️✅

Stay safe everyone ♥️✅♥️