Day 335 a wee bit of a testing day but the sun shone…. and the steps are in the bag!

Thought that might make you laugh… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I’m still making the most of lockdown and I’ve done loads today but things have been sent to try us and it’s just a question of breathing through it all and not letting it blow out of proportion.

So another sunrise walk with Bhruic and Freya and close to 8k steps done before 9am.

Overtoun of Broadstone
There may be a gate 🤦🏻‍♀️
The sky is stunning, it’s very misty in places so made for a nice sky
It is lovely though eh?!
My trees
The dogs went in this field for a run
Loved the sunlight stripes
Check the nick of Bhruic…. the only dog that can go in a burn and come out dirtier!!

Home for a coffee and a shower before my wee homeschooler popped in. Just for an hour today and she drew a picture of a Fairtrade super hero banana and made up a menu of Fairtrade food. Way easier than yesterday!

While she was working I got all the dog blankets into the washing machine and herein lies the first issue….. the washing machine drum is making a rasping noise when it spins. I’ve looked it up and am thinking that the bearings are away. It’s super noisy and has been for a week or so. Don’t think there’s anything it in as the drum alone makes a noise now.

So worst case scenario… new washing machine….. ok….

After Rachel left I decided to walk into Beith to the post office as have Auntie Margaret’s crochet blanket ready to go. A few other things too. All packed up and set off with Calaidh puppa.

Pure blue sky!

I got to the Beith Bypass…. (well this field above is right next to the road) when I remembered I didn’t have a mask with me. The first time I’ve been caught out without a mask. Not even a buff… our post office is way in the back of a shop so I couldn’t just stand with my arm over my mouth…. so suck up that little teensy weensy tiny bit of damn frustration and head back home via Spiers School Grounds. 😬😬😬

No point in being too upset but the old me would have had a melt down
It is a beautiful day although a bit cold
Yeah I know this blog now has loads of photos of this gate!
Walk this way mumma
Loved the light on the Ivy on the trees
Heading into the village on Main Road

Not sure I’ve mentioned before but we also own a house in Kilmarnock which is rented out. Sadly it’s in negative equity as a result of the property decline about a decade or so ago. So we rent it out…. and if I’m honest…. pretty much forget it exists.

The letter today is from some official agency suggesting our tenant is looking for council housing. 😱

That usually adds a fair bit of stress to life as we’ve often had unfortunate tenants so have enjoyed having the same one for about 4 years. We don’t know she is moving out yet. It’s just a kick in the gut reminder that we will need to sort that all out. But that’s ok….

This just isn’t about the cold…. obvs 🙄

I put my wheels and tyres up for sale today… got them all cleaned up and photogenic like and Craig has been polishing the Jeep to get it up for sale.

I’m up at over 15k steps now and am suddenly very tired. For the first time in a very long time I felt too tired to write the blog. I feel a bit down about the things that didn’t go our way today but I feel pretty shattered trying to look at it all positively.

We have Gateside Inn takeaway coming tonight so don’t even have to cook.

I never made it back to the Post Office but I will.

The washing machine will be what will be. The tyres will sell. The Jeep will sell and we’ll deal with Kilmarnock whatever happens. I’ve not fallen apart in the way I would have before which is huge progress. We can handle anything that gets thrown at us.

Just after a nap…..

Stay safe everyone 😴😴😴

Day 334 beautiful sunrise, homeschooling, Largs and beautiful sunset….. if alcohol free Carlsberg did lockdown…. 😎😆

Think we could all take this on board right now. I know I needed to hear this.

At 6.03pm my puppy call asked to push out to 6.30pm. At 6.09pm my puppy call asked to reschedule to another day.

This was me at 5.15pm

All showered and hair washed with perfume and a wee bit of eyeliner and lipgloss. All ready to go. Reviewing content… zoom call went live at 5.50pm.

This was me at 6.10pm needed a wee Calaidh cuddle

These things happen. I was annoyed at the delay, shocked and floored by the cancellation until I allowed my mind to process it and “stand down”. I was a coiled spring ready to go that didn’t know what to do. Craig said this happened to him once when he was outside someone’s house!!!

So after about a half hour of giving it way more energy than I should have we settled down to Gastronfish and chips from Morrison’s with Erdinger Alchol free, watching Superstore which is our new binge recommended by Claire and I crocheted 3 more squares.

The following quote on change is exactly what I was wanted for yesterday’s blog.

Instead of being bored through lockdown and eating like there no tomorrow, I need to make the decision to change. I haven’t fully made that decision. I’ve mentioned it so many times in the past but I want to be a bit fitter by summer. I need to let go of my comfort zone.

Does this let me off the hook already?!? 🤣
This is very true. Avoiding triggers brings me peace but doesn’t allow me to move forward

I should say here that it’s 7.16am…. 😳😆🤣

I’m helping with some home schooling this morning and my pupil arrives at 8.30am…. wee Rachel next door says Thursday is a difficult day as we have lots to do. I smile sweetly and say it will all be fine while secretly freaking out inside. I remember back to last lockdown where I had to help her with a 24 hour clock lesson….. Should be easy and straightforward…. you’d think….. 😳 it wisnae 😱

So Bhruic and Freya walk before home schooling…. check me….

Morning 🌅
Pretty cloudy over to the west
The sunrise makes everything look so bright and fresh

If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time you’ll know I have a passion for taking photos. It’s all just with an iPhone but I’m not sure I can even explain how it makes me feel. Any tension or stress just flows right out of me and I feel so blown away by the beauty.

Now don’t get me wrong…. I hear myself here. I hear the flowery lah-de-dah- ness of it all…. I think if I was reading it I would think jeezo pet get over yourself, get a life. I’m just saying it how it is. this is my new life and I bloody love it.

Heading back home the road way

Now I’m helping with sums…. addition, subtraction, multiplication and division…. lockdown has just taken on a whole new meaning for me. It’s so lovely to spend time with the wee one and we’ve not seen her much at all since the craziness began. It’s interesting to see her take on life. She works off and iPad and sends photos of everything she completes. It’s actually quite humbling to watch and she’s using lots of words I’ve never heard of…. 😆

So I’ve been really super productive today. Should say first of all that concentration on crochet whilst home-schooling does not quite work. My new squares are all 6 times round the square…. I’ve done one today that was 7 and had to rip it back…. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’ve done some Pawsitive Solutions work and updated the village hall accounts. Then came the text we have all been waiting for…

I AM ON MY WAY!!!!!!
How lovely is this? I spotted it on my park and walk to the Opticians
As soon as I picked up my sunglasses 🕶…. the sun disappeared

And then….. never start a sentence with and…. I took Calaidh for a walk with Claire to the Co-op.

New sunglasses 😎

I’ve had a lovely day today and been so lucky to see sunrise and sunset. I’m up at 15,546 steps again.

I’m making the most of the lockdown we have left until I’m too tired…. but for now I’m rocking it!

Crochet for me tonight!

Stay safe everyone 🌅🌤🌇

Day 333 and this sloth went a-rambling…. did 3 walks before 11am! 🚶🏽‍♀️🦮🚶🏽‍♀️🐕‍🦺🚶🏽‍♀️🦮

Who knew?!? All the 3’s…. day 333… 333 since Craig and I first went into lockdown for COVID-19. 333 days…. it gets longer the more I think about it! It’s no wonder we are all going slightly stir crazy.

So I think I mentioned yesterday that we had some new announcements in Scotland.

We’ve no idea really what this means for Dog Behaviourists but I hope that more information will be available soon.

All I know is that yesterday I felt like there was no send in sight as the end just got further away. So…… you can chose to wallow in it and feel sad and depressed or chose to take it on….

What I wanted to do.
What I actually did

Not gonna lie… the first walk was the worst. Bhruic walked perfectly and all in all it was a lovely walk. I just didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be home sitting drinking coffee…. sitting at home a size 12 of course and herein lies the issue. Lazing around will not a size 12 get. (Awright Yoda….)

Let’s just get on with it and less if the photos eh?!
I just want to run now…..
Is this like a photo shoot?!?

Taking the photos is the only thing that made the walk worthwhile. I trudged with every single step. So p*d off that I have so much weight to lose and I have to be out here trudging around. Almost like a kid having a paddy-whack in my head!

She did try to get this big stick through the gap behind her….. it snapped in half… result! Also got whacked on the legs a few times!

Back home and told Craig how awful the walk felt and he said that if it was easy everyone would do it. Very true. So I’m still livid with myself for forcing myself to walk but off I go out again this time with Calaidh.

She was having a wee head shake!

At the start of this walk I messaged my Auntie Jac as she has got super fit through lockdown… I told her how bloody awful I was feeling and she phoned straight away. She told me that going out for a walk despite being determined not to…. that’s where true change happens. When you challenge yourself to do something that is outside your comfort zone and you really don’t want to do but you get out of bed and just do it.

By the end of Calaidh’s walk I had a spring in my step.

It’s all about the mindset.

So back home for breakfast (which I tracked in My Fitness Pal) and then off out for the third walk of the day with Freya.

She makes me laugh with all her dancing!!
She always has to have something in her mouth 🤣
She was herding me the whole way round!
And then there were snowdrops…. loved this awes ring around the tree
My first crocus pic
My second 😆
Very random but beautiful fungus?!
The Japanese dawn redwood
Washing feet and getting a drink!

By this time it’s just after 11 and I am knackered!!! 14,010 steps done and I may not move for the rest of the day.

Had a shower and washed my hair as I have a puppy zoom call tonight at 6pm.

I got the best pressie through the post from Mum…..

Love the colours!!! It’s need to decide what to do with it now.

So I’ve had a lovely wee pottering afternoon. I’ve written this, I’ve ordered some new mats for the van, I’ve ordered some new walking boots and I’ve crocheted my squares. Also forgot to say I’m back learning Spanish again with Duolingo so I learned how to say that my brother is very intelligent today!

The Kinesiology films are up on FB now so I’ll try to add a link in for anyone who wants to find out what on earth it is and how it works?! Shelagh did a great job in her explanations.

Link to Kinesiology videos

If you click on the link and scroll down past the welcome videos you will see what’s loaded up so far…. the first one is how kinesiology works and the second is monitoring muscle response. Yours truly with her dulcet tones 🙋🏻‍♀️

I have my puppy zoom call at 5pm and it’s 4.40pm now. Need to make myself presentable and get prepared.

Remember that this time is what we make it and I’ve had some really tough days in lockdown but let’s make the most of what we have left as we might never get time in the house like this again.

You can punch me later…

Stay safe everyone 🐶🐶🐶

Day 332 Scotland’s weather… what a difference a day makes 🌧🌧

Yesterday was wall to wall sunshine and today…. this…

I’m so grateful for the sun yesterday and taking time to sweep up in the garden. Didn’t get the tents up for sale but there will be another day….

It’s raining!!!!!!

I had so many photos to share yesterday that I forgot to say when I was down at the beach with Bhruic, Claire next door came and asked Craig if Freya could come out to play and she took her for a walk! I had mentioned in a text that I hadn’t walked Freya yet thinking nothing of it. How lovely is that?!?

Freya having lots of fun with Auntie Claire

I think Freya is secretly the favourite as she has a purple harness and Auntie Claire has purple hair when she can get to a hairdresser.. 💜

The moon was stunning last night

So I reckon I will share some more of yesterday’s pics too… a reminder of what a difference a day makes!

Clever girls all lay down at once!
Leo came to visit in the garden
Like butter wouldn’t melt
He had the squeaky out of a toy!
The portrait feature on the iPhone is lovely
I love this house on the path to Portencross beach. It’s a lovely shade of pale green with white around the windows. Look at the colour of the sky tho?!?
Straight in the water… the only big puddle on the beach! West Kilbride on the hill in the background
Huge expanse of beach when the tide is going out
Found a stick in all the frothy stuff
I will get this stone!!!

While I was standing here I heard some really bad news about someone who had committed suicide leaving 4 children behind from ages 8 to 18. She struggled with alcohol addiction… it’s her mum that I know. Devastating for them all. I don’t know the girl but I will always remember her here on Portencross beach. Such a sad story butt at least she is now at peace. 💔

This one is a panoramic shot
Just beautiful
I guess a reminder that no matter how bad life feels the days continue to change. The sun goes down and the sun then rises and
And my lovely cuppa message!!

I slept ok last night, very bizarre dreams about all my old jobs rolled into one. Bosses from the last place visiting suppliers from the first job.. that kind of thing. So up at 8 and tidied the kitchen then had a wee online filming session with my kinesiologist. She’s making some films to post on her FB page explaining how online Health Kinesiology works. It went really well and I actually enjoyed it and forgot she was recording!

I then had dog behavioural calls to make and out of 3 only got one to answer! Yesterday in the sunshine, everyone wanted to chat… today in the horrific monsoon outside… everyone was busy 😆🤣

I’ve also done some village hall treasury work today too. Getting the accounts in order and paying some bills. a successful businessy type day!

I’m now sitting with my feet up crocheting watching Indiana Jones and the last crusade. There’s a bit covid announcement in a Scotland today but all I heard was that the economy won’t open up until end of April which means lockdown restrictions until then.

Only 102 squares left to do…..

I’m so tired of lockdown but I’m determined to try to enjoy it for what it is. I’m taking the rest of the day off. I’m tired.

But that is ok….

Stay safe everyone 😴😴😴

Day 331 a beautiful day ☀️ a great dose of vitamin D to calm the anxiety 🧘🏻‍♀️

I’m writing this at 9.27am as my head is all over the place and I think it will help.

I am so breathless….. I have a list of things I’d like to do today but I want to do them all by about 10am which is ridiculous.

Just because I said I sleep amazingly well all the time, I had a bad nights sleep last night, my brain seems very antsy. To try and get back to sleep I tried to breathe in to the count of 3 and back out for 5. I couldn’t hold a count of 3 or 5 so took some pressure off and finally went down to in for 1 and out for 2 and I think that finally let me fall back to sleep.

Coffee outside to start the day

The shortness of breath didn’t really go away. I was meeting my neighbour a Holly for a dog walk at 9.30 and was totally out of puff with no exertion at all. We walked up through the old golf course. Had a great walk.

Bighom Hill
View over to Beith
The old golf course
Handsome Leo puppy!

Back home and had loads of Pawsitive Solutions enquiries to follow up. Everyone answered their phone straight away today and everyone was ready for a good chat. I do love that connection with lovely people.

However…. not soooo much when the sun is shining and Mrs caged lion is desperate to get outside! I am definitely a sun junkie ☀️☀️☀️

We see so little of the sun in Scotland that whenever the sun shines I’m desperate to be out in it. I had big plans for the today. The forecast for the rest of the week is so bad…. I thought today would be a great time to get all the outdoorsy stuff we want to sell… up for sale. I wanted to get the big tent and the camper drive away awning up for sale but I thought that taking photos in the sun and maybe a wee film of it in case anyone wanted to see it before they bought it.

By the time I finished making calls it was already 1.30 and Craig was busy so I started doing some gardening, planting bulbs and sweeping up all the sticks and leaves on the decking. I am well aware of the irony of doing this the day before a huge storm…. but it felt good…. an excuse to be outside.

I am still so tired that I really want to go for a nap but I couldn’t miss out on some vitamin D.

Then got the best news. The Jeep has passed its MoT and was ready for collection! So on the way to drop Craig off I decided to carry on to the beach. I took Bhruic and she was such a good girl.

We went to Portencross beach near West Kilbride. What an amazing walk. I’m so glad I didn’t have a nap and went to the beach instead. I’ve managed 14.6k steps today.

And breathe…
Isle of Arran in the distance
Checking out the seaweed
Spot the Bhru !
Love this photo!
Love the shapes the sea makes on the sand
The view behind me
Wonder who the wee guy is under the sun?!
Heading back to the car park
Here she is!
Bhru with a halo 😇

I sat here and had a coffee made in the van and just breathed in the sea air. The sea calmed down a lot as the sun went down. It was such a lovely way to spend the day.

This is a stunning pic

To add to it all I watched the Arran ferry sail out of Brodick across towards Ardrossan and I also clocked a submarine sailing down the coast of Arran.

My breathing is normal. Finally. I didn’t do any of the selling stuff but it’s not the end of the world. I enjoyed the sun, got exercise and did what I really wanted to do.

Looking over to Brodick

Yet again I’ve had to turn my day around. Holly asked this morning if I thought I was asthmatic… I think it’s more just a case of trying to think and do everything at once. Which is not possible.

A great dose of vitamin D worked wonders….

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

Day 330 the sun shone all day….. it helped my head ☀️🌤☀️🌤☀️

I start these blogs more often than not saying that I had the best sleep… dead to the world, out for the count…. but last night was one of those that I couldn’t wake up from. It was after 9 before I opened my eyes and realised Craig was already up. I could have quite honestly stayed in bed all day. it’s a struggle to open your eyes but it means that my head is well and truly empty.

Now I can hear all the jokes… yeah, yeah… but it’s a great feeling.

How lovely is that but I definitely have it a wee bit mixed up…. I eat triple, walk half, don’t really laugh at all but I do love without measure… least I have one out of the 4.

Claire messaged to say we should walk at 10am so I got out of bed at 9.45…. even then my eyes are still half shut. On my way out the door, I did have a conversation with Mr Snorey McSnorerson this morning…. oh my actual god he was the loudest ever last night… But it would appear that I wasn’t much better. Who knew?!? 🤷🏻‍♀️😆….. steps back from conversation quickly…. gotta go… out with dogs….. byeeee…..

Does anyone else see an angry green sheep face at the end of this wall?! 🐏💚
It is the start of a beautiful day
My trees
The clouds are lovely

Should say here that it’s warm on the sun but very windy out in the open.

A wee burn
Bhruic action shot!
The back of the J&B bond
The sun was glistening on the water….
Claire looking lovely!

I’m so pleased that we went out for a walk. My head is not great today. I’m very emotional and tired. Again… I’m tired of being tired, I’m sick of being exhausted and I just want a break. There were a few tears but it was so lovely to be out in the fresh air and having great chat.

I have to say there is never silence!!!!
Great fun!
Claire took this lovely pic of Bhruic
This may or may not be my first gate pic in ages?!?
Freya’s action shot on the way home!
Back on the gates again!
Even the moss on the dry stane dyke is beautiful. It’s so many different shades of green, looks thick and lush 💚

Claire took this pic from her bedroom window. After our walk I went out to Abbie the camper van and cleaned the dash, the floor, and bumped into loads of lovely people while I was out there.

Must have been out in the van for 2 or 3 hours. Was a lovely change… made coffee in it…. may have boiled the kettle in the house first… 😆 Then I took Calaidh up the hill.

Gnasher found a stick!
Daffodils coming soon! 🌼🌼🌼
Love this with the old bath and a random gate!
Playing the the portrait mode on my iPhone
Gorgeous girl 💕
Beautiful in the sun

You can imagine the angles I got myself into on this walk… just to get these shots 😱😆

The silhouette of our lovely village
Those eyes 👀

So I’ve had a lovely day. Spoken to lots of lovely people and I do feel a lot less emotional and sad. I’m still exhausted but I’ve had a great day and the sun has been lovely.

More crochet tonight…. determined to only have 100 squares left to do by tomorrow!

So yeah nothing else for it just keep plodding along and see what tomorrow brings. It’s bringing more sunshine and that will help.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

Day 329 a miserable day weather wise 🌧🌧 but a wee bit calmer in my head 😬 and in my tum 😆

We woke at 6am this morning for about an hour then fell back to sleep and woke up with the alarm at 9am… you never feel great when you do that. Jumped in the shower to try and clear the foggy head.

It was dry outside but the forecast is for heavy rain and sting winds all day. I went outside with the dogs and ended up doing a poop scoop before the rain comes on. 💩 it’s about 10C out there today which is positively tropical compared to the below zero we had a week or so ago. But this kind of weather doth not a pretty photograph make….. 😆

My new varifocal glasses are amazing and opened up a whole new world. A bigger, clearer world. Not sure I needed that vision for the poop scoop but hey….. 😳

So we had a Pawsitive Solutions zoom call this morning with Lorna at 10am. Was good to catch up and discussing how things are going just now and when we think we might ever get back out to work?!? How long is a piece of string?

By the time we came off the call the heavens had opened so Craig kindly did the dog walk while I hoovered!


I’m feeling a bit better today. The Omeprazole stomach pain is still there (that’s almost 4 days now) but it’s easing and I am eating more than just toast. I still feel sluggish and pretty tired but hey what’s new?!?

This is lovely and so very true but at the same time I think lockdown had a huge part to play on our mood just now. I think everyone is fed up. I think everything is blown out of proportion.

So the rest of the day is going to be a bit of a lazy one I think. I’m finishing a crochet knee blanket that I’m going to send over to my Great Auntie Margaret in Penicuik.

Need to get it stitched in the back and get it washed and it’s ready to go. I’m sitting with it over me now and it’s super cosy which is not necessary on a day that’s 10C outside and the heating is still stuck on!!! It must be about 24C in here just now. 🏝 we have called the electrician again.

I’m downstairs in front of the fire and gonna chill for the rest of the day.

My crochet squares for my new blanket.

Only 114 to go……… nothing better to do 🤷🏻‍♀️😬😂

And as usual in our house there is no show without punch. That face….. 😬😬

Stay safe everyone 🧶🐶🧶

Day 328 very wet and windy drive to Tartan Campers 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿via the sea on the way home 🌧🌧💨💨🌊🌊🌊

I slept like a log last night, woke just before 8 and had to drag myself out of bed….. so tired!

Had to be at Tartan Campers for 9am so they could have a look at the reversing camera and a few other snags with the van. They LOVED the new wheels. Suggested I put a 1inch lift on it……. something to think about. So anyway, I have to book it in to take it back to get the camera and snags done so while it was a wee bit of a wasted trip I got to head back via the coast.

The lovely message on the wall of Gro coffee

Went to Gro Coffee for a coconut milk latte. Now this is where my anxiety kicks in…. I had been thinking I’d get a wee cake… I say wee… Gro’s cakes are humungous…. but I couldn’t see any. Gro specialise in cakes…. the girl said do you want something to eat….. eh, eh, eh….. mind empties, can’t see cakes, why are there no cakes… always have cakes… very strange… “no I’m ok thank I’m going to be good…..” “oh come on” she says… “what about a bacon roll?”….. don’t fancy bacon rolls anymore…. “or some French toast?…. you know our French toast is lovely?!”……… “oh yeah ok then French toast then thanks…… oh yeah course I’ll take maple syrup and bacon….” (aforementioned bacon is the reason I don’t eat bacon rolls anymore)

Oh my god…. in the space of 30 seconds I have ordered and paid for something I didn’t even want. I feel better as the waitress seems happier….. honestly. Could it be any more ridiculous?!?

Then I see the cakes…………….. 🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🥮🧁🍰🥮

They are in the window. It’s all set up as takeaway for COVID. If there’s a queue people would queue past the cakes. There was not queue at 9.30am on a very wet and windy Friday.

“Oh there are the cakes…..” I say out loud……… am I hoping she reads my mind and says “do you want to cancel the French toast with bacon and maple syrup and have a cake instead?”…….. of course that’s what I want her to do.

I walk back to the van…. I have to wait for a phone call to get the thing I only ordered to keep the waitress happy and sit there stressing about being daft enough to miss the cakes and thinking of everyone I could have bought a cake for….

I should add here that I could have walked over the road and bought cakes but oh no, couldn’t figure that one out at the time.

I realise how crazy this sounds but that is honestly what happened….

I get my French toast and coffee and head round to the Irvine beach car park.

I eat the French toast and drink the coffee and even eat the bacon that I haven’t touched for months. All the while beating myself up for such a ridiculous situation.

Before I wrote this blog I kept all of this inside. Writing it down certainly helps me understand why I’m so exhausted all the time. Why do I make life so hard at times?!?!

Irvine beach through the windscreen
It’s wild!!!!!!

By the time I took these and went back into the van I couldn’t feel my fingers. Certainly blew the cobwebs away though!

I ended up on the phone the rest of the time I sat there. Someone contacted me on FB the other day about the wheels I took off the camper van. She sent me a number to call so I decided to ring while sitting at the beach. Her husband answered and I had the loveliest chat with him about VW campers, wheels, covid blah blah. I’m sending them photos.

At the beach with the new wheels

I then had a lovely chat with mum so she could tell me all of the the lovely gifts she got yesterday. She had the best day and loved being able to see so many people by way of zoom. She loved her birthday message video too. I think she watched and cried at it a few times yesterday. 🥰

I’m home now. I washed the wheels and sent photos to the couple who are interested and now I am determined I’m doing nothing. Completely nothing. I am shattered after yesterday’s histrionics in my head….. and of course, after French-toast-gate this morning. I cannot tell you how hard it is to have these constant battles with yourself. On the difficult days it’s hard to remember what good feels like.

Then just like magic a post on FB gives me a reminder for the hard days…. I’m pretty sure FB is listening to my inner thoughts which is not the good thing really is it?!?!

I’ve just had a FaceTime call with Claire next door. We were meant to be meeting for a walk but it’s miserable out there so we opted for FaceTime cuppa instead. Much better.

This makes me laugh every time.
A bit of lockdown humour…

We have Beef Stroganoff x 2 coming from the pub tonight…. wee Rachel next door couldn’t remember what it was called and said the word reminded her of Strawberry milk so 2 Beef strawberry milks coming up. 🤣 I may have a cookies and cream cheesecake coming too. That’s never gonna help reducing the size of my BUTT….. 😆

Have a good weekend everyone. If you find something good to do in this rain please let me know.

Stay safe everyone 🌧🌧🌧

Day 327 my lovely Mum’s 70th birthday during COVID-19 lockdown 7️⃣0️⃣🎉🎂🎁🎊🎈💜

There’s been so much going on in the background for Mum’s 70th birthday today. I can finally talk about it.

So yeah Mum was born on 18th February 1951 at 2.10am (that wasn’t a secret😆 ) and she’s having to celebrate her 70th while we are still in lockdown.

I am gutted that I can’t even drive over to her house for a hug and a kiss let alone to celebrate with her. So many people have gone through big birthdays in lockdown… these are really strange times.

So mum and dad are alone in the house all day with lots of different people dropping in by way of Zoom call. The last east “new normal”.

We started just after 9am and had a call with her and Dad to show her the birthday video we’ve been compiling. Dad gave me contact details weeks back and I’ve been trying to get hold of lots of family and mums friends to make a wee happy birthday message for her.

Craig found a package called Vidday and it allows people to upload directly. You can then save them in the order you want, add music, add photos and out comes the most professional looking birthday clip film. We did have to pay for it but it wasn’t expensive.

I wish everyone who sent in a clip, could have seen her face as she watched it for the first time…. it was so wonderful to watch the recognition and love as each person came on to do their bit. She cried, I cried…. it was lovely!

This was just the start of Mum’s zoom calls today. Here she’s reading a card that came with some lovely flowers that arrived when we were on the call.

We then had a family chat with mums cousin Dave in Australia, her cousin Joyce in Edinburgh and my Auntie Marion in Penicuik. It’s Dave’s 65th birthday today. Was so lovely to catch up with everyone. Dad was playing around with zoom filters…. poor mum ended up with a bow on this snap!

While mum was then off for a zoom coffee with the ladies she walks with, my anxiety slapped me in the face.

I’ve been all over the place today. So emotional, lots of tears, worrying about nothing, no real logical explanation for it other than I feel rotten.

The omeprazole has still not worn off yet so I feel squeamish and have a sore stomach. It feels gripey. I don’t even know what that means but I know it’s the right word. I’m so tired too.

Cue the anxiety….. ask me a question and my head empties and I’m short of breath. I get irritated because I can’t think straight and that’s a vicious circle.

I came off the zoom call this morning came downstairs and burst into tears. I think we’ve been alone for so long that seeing so many people at once is overwhelming. It’s like I’ve just been reminded that we have all this lovely family and we haven’t seen each other for so long. It made me feel proud to be a part of but sent me back to all the years we have lost not seeing enough of each other. I’m thinking of my Gran and Grandpa and Auntie Pat and Uncle Tom who were the reason we are family and all on a zoom together. It makes me remember the past parties when they were all there and miss them all. Auntie Pat always used to kiss us on the lips with a huge big smackerooni. It makes me smile even typing that though that’s the tears on now too. I’m sad that the past has gone.

It’s no wonder I’m exhausted, honestly does my head ever stop?!?!

Craig has been so supportive all day…. I told him he just needed to tell me what to do as I couldn’t think straight. Don’t worry he kept it clean…. We went to the Co-op to get snacks for mums zoom party tonight.

I had posted Abbie with her new wheels on a VW FB group last night and got a few negative comments…. the speedo would be a mile out and RIP gearbox so that freaked me out…. random people making random comments that I decide to take as gospel. I phoned our local garage and they put my mind at ease. The speedo will not be fully accurate but the gearbox will be fine. They gave me ideas around tracking my speed so that was one thing ticked off the list.

Next on my list was a bath. I don’t do baths…. Craig said a bath would do me good. It did. But, always a but….. I didn’t give myself enough time to relax and ended up being half an hour late for the 3pm family and friends zoom!! You can imagine….. I was ROASTING from the bath, drying my hair only made me hotter… poor Auntie Jac called just before 3pm to ask about the zoom link… head empties, can’t help her as I can’t even think straight about what she’s doing. Told her to ask me for help!!! She does and I’m like…………………. 🤷🏻‍♀️😳

Anyway late to zoom and very red in the face but actually have started to calm down. Lovely to see some “weel kent faces” on this one too. All of them had done a video for mum so it was lovely to see them after having been in touch recently. More reminders of how life has changed, more regrets at not seeing more of everyone.

At least now I am calm. (No wonder….. I’m exhausted with all the panicking and overthinking!) I’m worried about mum who hasn’t stopped all day and I know it will be so much more do her to take in as it’s all for her.

I had dog behaviour calls to make next and had ZERO confidence picking up the phone to people. Yet actually that’s what’s turned me around I think. I did perfectly well on the calls and came off quite proud of the way I’d come across. No faffing, no empty head, no breathlessness. Done.

At 7.30pm we’ll have birthday party Zoom with mum, dad and brother, sister in law and nephew. We have lots of snacks…. Prosecco for Craig and Nosecco for me.

As sent the most amazing looking box of Macarons.

Looking forward to getting my teeth into these. There are so amazing flavours in there.

I hope mum had a lovely birthday. I’ve been so excited about today. I didn’t plan to have all this anxiety but it is what it is and tomorrow is another day.

Stay safe everyone 🎂🎂🎂

Day 326 happy new tyres Wednesday!

We had something to do today…. Abbie the campers new tyres arrived!

I’m gonna go back to yesterday first. I put the blog out quite early as I’d been feeling rubbish. Sore stomach really lethargic. Ended up out for the count for 2.5 hours….. somethings not right with that much of a nap. That’s a marathon nap!

It’s the tablets I’ve been given for my shoulder….. the omeprazole is not agreeing with me. I had no dinner last night…. All I’ve eaten today is toast . Nothing else cuts it…. I have the squeam….

I haven’t taken omeprazole today and yet I still feel it….. 🤢

Anyway slept fine last night too and up early for the Morrison’s food delivery. We have butter again so had yesterday’s pancakes for breakfast with butter and strawberry jam! 🥞 🍓

Decided to take the dogs out early to get it over with as I felt so rough.

Freya and Bhru first
Will never stop taking photos of these trees!
Blue sky coming!

I did have a laugh to myself as I passed Broadstone Farm and they have a whole load of field gates piled up against a wall…. both old and new…… I would have taken a photo if I could have without trespassing. I would also like it noted that I don’t think I’ve added a gate photo in since gate day?!? 🙈🤣🤣

When I arrived back home there was a HUGE truck at the door and it was my tyres getting delivered. Only ordered on Monday!

I was advised that tyre changing was a one man job so I set off out with Calaidh leaving the one man with the tyres. VERY, VERY GRATEFULLY.

Calaidh had lots of fun on her walk! Her recall was amazing and she seemed so excited to come running up to me

I met the lady that lives in Mid Bogside…. she was out for a walk….. told her I was heading to take photos of her carpet of snowdrops around the side of her house and she had no idea they were there! She came and had a look and was incredulous she’d never noticed them…. she said she spent most of her life living there driving in and out of her driveway….. just shows that we don’t pay attention to things when we are too busy working….

They’re just everywhere!
You can only imagine how low to the ground I was 😬🙄
End of dog walk and start of tyres!
Off with the old and on with the new
Lady with tools in hand…. it may only have been an Allen key but hey…. I helped

I was VERY good at supervising I thought…..

Work in progress
Took her to the car wash and then to Kilbirne Loch on the way home for a photo shoot
May have stopped for some Loch photos
I may have created a shadow…

So I’m really chuffed with the new wheels. Will get the old ones washed and cleaned and up for sale at the weekend.

Had a puppy zoom call at 6 tonight so been a busy day! Got a busier day tomorrow. My lovely mum turns 70 and I think I have 4 zoom calls scheduled through the day already. Excited to speak to her lots and other family on zoom!! A 70th birthday in lockdown……

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️