Morning everyone, starting early today. Awake with a start at 5.18am but long gone are the days when I had to drag myself out of bed at 5.30 to get to work in time…. so a wee check on COVID-19 news then back to sleep. (my mind is always on blog content although it might not seem it some days… 😳😬😆)
This is huge cause for celebration!! Shows our strategy is working. Obviously new outbreaks might change this sometime in the coming weeks with the new cluster of cases found in Glasgow.
We ended up sitting in the shed at one point until we gave up and the guys went into the pub. I’m now having a wee seat in front of a cheesy chick flick.
What a miserable day. It’s just poured down constantly every minute of the day. I held off to walk the dogs so we didn’t all get soaked but not much point in that as it didn’t stop
I did some coronavirus investigation this morning as it’s been a few days since I read anything.
Started making calls about 9.30 and mucked about on the pc for a while. No bookings today but there’s nothing else for it when the weather is so rotten.
One thing that we’ve been seeing a lot of, since the easing of lockdown, is complaints from locals on fb groups about how badly tourists are treating the landscape. I’ve had to leave some of the groups I’m on as my anxiety will go through the roof if I think I can’t go anywhere in case locals are watching me. Some locals have got really angry. I can completely understand why but locals are upset but it’s sad that all of us responsible campers seem tarred with the same brush. Overland Bound tells us we should leave the area better than we found it.
I think there’s a bigger issue that local councils are not geared up to manage the rubbish that staycations are causing. There can be many piles of rubbish around bins which shows that people want to do the right thing but there isn’t the capacity to manage it. I copied this below from a local near Durness. Rather than the emotional anger of some residents, I think he states his case very clearly and succinctly.
This feels a brief blog today but I’m actually really tired…. the bad weather seems to soon you in and (I’ve just looked out the window, it’s 6pm and it has finally stopped raining!!!!!) praise the Lord!
Another cosy evening in front of the fire I reckon. Tomorrow is due to be a good day!! Here’s hoping!
Boy did I dream last night….. some nightmare about vampires after me or something so woke up feeling very unrefreshed. Busy day today so got up and straight out with the dogs though couldn’t be bothered in the slightest….
Then off to pick up the food from the Beith Trust and off our volunteering! Have a new addition this week so got to have a lovely chat with my regulars and meet a lovely new lady. I took 9 toilet roll pack as a gift for one house (I told her not to laugh when she saw what the gift was….😆) and saw another one of my wee gfits on someone’s wall!
She is struggling to get new clothes to wear so I said to leave it with me and I’ll see what I can pick up this week. Would never see anyone stuck!
So back home to let the dogs out and a wee bite of lunch before heading out to the Little Coffee Caravan on my way to the supermarket. A nice Almond Milk Latte and a lovely chat with them.
Did a Home Bargains and Aldi shop. Aldi has clear almost shower curtain like partitions between tills that hang down from the ceiling to kind of mid thigh level… not seen that anywhere before.
Head back to the house and was so shattered I needed a wee seat… with my feet up, well it would be rude not to! Only managed about 20 mins!
Katie who lives on the other side of the pub had asked on fb for anyone who wanted their nails down so she could practice gel coat application. she messaged me to ask if I could go this evening so went along at 5pm as for the first time since March I was actually busy tonight…. check me!
Check me with pink nails and some flowers! I’m not a pink person and yet I love these!!!
Back home, dinner and then the great return of the Gateside Hookers at 7pm in the pub! So lovely to see the crochet gang!! Of course it wasn’t anything other than crochet!….. what did you expect?!?! We all tried Ceders alcohol free gin that the pub can now get from the brewery! Amazing the giggles you can have on alcohol free?!?
Very difficult to get a social distanced group selfie…… that bag in the foreground (no…. not me!) is the huge bag I carry Craig’s blanket squares around in! Maybe one day I’ll finish it…. I politely ignored the words “naw, yer no gettin’ a picture as it’ll end up in that bloody blog” 🙉🙊
It’s currently 6.03am and I’ve been awake since 5.07 precisely. Had a great sleep, out for the count until the traffic outside woke me.
I’m reflecting on my day yesterday and how I’ve gone from doing nothing to being absolutely terrified making 2 or 3 calls a day for Pawsitive Solutions to making 12 yesterday and booking 6 in one day.
I was brought up to be a good girl. I’m sure we all were. I very rarely put a foot out of place as I wanted to live up to the expectations that my parents had. I didn’t want to upset anyone. I didn’t go boozing in my mid teens, didn’t go to crazy wild parties, was always a bit of a home bird and felt panicky when I was away from mum and sad for any length of time.
When I was 17 we took a family holiday down south and my brother and I had to get the train back up at the end of the second week as we couldn’t take a third week or our Saturday jobs. As the train moved further away from mum and dad I grew increasingly anxious and spent most of the next few days in floods of tears because they were so far away and I missed them. I kept thinking of the huge distance between us and it was gut wrenching! Now, I wonder how many of you reading this are thinking “holy shit”…… most 17 year olds would be organising the party on the way up on the train!! Hmmmm I say that and wonder how we organised anything back then as no mobiles… I guess, get home, make the calls, then party. Nope not me…. mum and dad ended up coming home early as I was in such a state. I will always remember we were at Auntie Marion’s for dinner on the Saturday night after work… phone rings. Mum and dad are home. My anxiety/panic fly straight out the window. Balance has been restored. No, I don’t need to drop everything and run to them, having a lovely time having dinner at my Auntie’s….. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😳😬
All I ever wanted to do was to please others. Make people feel good, make them smile, make them feel proud or happy as a result of who I was to them.
I did not count in this equation. I did not matter to me.
Then go and put this girl into the big, bad corporate world. Where most people eat folk like me for breakfast.
I hid it well for a very long time. I kept going. I fought the fights. I won some battles. I was the golden girl for a good few years who could do no wrong. I was in my happy place. Making everyone proud of me, pleased with me…. blah… blah… you see how it worked.
I had no idea what I was doing to myself at the time. I was gradually destroying myself from the inside out. Over the years I grew horribly defensive, about everything. I had to be that person at work… I had to supply reasons in the blink of an eye as to why my team should not be to blame. I had to cover all angles, all aspects, control the work of others who have their own personalities and did things differently. Defence became my best form of attack. I began to believe that I was truly worthless…. I did not matter. I took the full force from Senior Management, absorbed it all, probably blew it up out of all proportion too but tried my hardest not to pass it on to my team. How the hell was I expected to motivate them if I made them feel like shit too…. I needed them onside, to get the best out of them at all times.
I’m actually shattered writing all of that. I lived this for years.
I dieted, drank wine to numb the pain, ate like a pig, spent money that I didn’t have. All to try and make me feel that wee bit better.
None of that worked.
Then boom… in September 2018 it all falls apart when I just can’t stop crying at work and I have to leave. Jeez I’d been crying for years but not on that scale. My mind was empty. I couldn’t read the simplest of emails without hitting the roof and having no idea how to even deal with it.
Yesterday has changed something for me. I can see the healing, I need to forgive myself for all those bad years. For everything I did that will stay with me for the rest of my life but I can’t let it define me anymore.
I’m sure there will be some hiccups along the way…. but I am not that person anymore. I’ve very open about my mental health struggle but have always read that true healing comes from vulnerability. Don’t think you get anymore vulnerable than this….
There are still triggers along the way that bring out “the worst” in me but I have learned how to deal with them. I need to identify them early on and work to manage them until each one becomes second nature.
I want to lift everyone else up too but from a different place this time. I think I did it all before because I felt I had to. Now I will do because I choose to.
It’s now 6.46am and I could sleep now… maybe I’ve bored myself?!?! It’s out of my head now and I can relax before I see what the rest of today has in store for me!
So given all this clarity I have today, what a great time to have a Kinesiology appointment with Shelagh Cumming.
I didn’t feel any particular need to work on anything specific today so we agreed on continuing to clear the way to my future.
At one point I had to say “I am worthless” over and over while Shelagh worked her magic and all of a sudden I said “I am worth this!” It’s not often you get one of those wow moments but I did today! There are 3 things that are going to help me in facing my future head on.
Writing (surprise!) Where I can explore a particular feeling or reaction or attitude and to try to understand it. I find that I can forgive myself when I write all of this down.
Work as making the Pawsitive Solutions enquiry calls just now is helping me gain back a confidence that I had lost.
Expressing myself which allows me to be fully open and honest, no secrets just a vulnerability that leads to healing.
And finally….. (never start a sentence with “and”….) my body has suggested the time has come to cut out high sugar and high fat foods and eat more fresh fruit and veg and to enjoy it. I’ve been talking about weight gain for ages and Shelagh always says it’s not been the time as there have been other issues to deal with…. today is that time. That’s my homework!
So after all this soul searching since the early hours of this morning I am pretty shattered. It’s a good shattered though. The sun is shining although it’s blawin’ a hoolie outside (very windy) so I have washing on the line but have to keep making sure my smalls don’t end up in the beer garden 🤭😆 If the wind would die down I think it would be pretty hot.
That leads me to a funny story this morning…. we were thinking of going away camping this weekend (we can’t now as the guy who is picking up the roof top tent can’t get here till 7.30pm on Friday night and the Jeep’s in the garage that day too) so I was checking the weather forecast for Millarochy which is on the banks of Loch Lomond.
I couldn’t believe that while this weekend looks ok at home weather wise… Milarrochy about an hour or so North was showing 25C on Friday and 29C on Sunday!!!!!!!! I mean wow!!!!!!!! Yeah…… naw….. I was looking up some place called Mellrich in Germany. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😬😆 explains a lot….. 🤦🏻♀️
Back home, feet up and just gonna enjoy the heat in the sunroom away from the wind outside. Still keeping an eye on the washing. Still have to choose bathroom tiles…. I’m drawing this out somewhat and will end up with the ones we saw first…
And finally…. that must have been the push we needed…. we have ordered the bathroom tiles!!! We actually got a really good deal given some we were looking at…. the difference in price per square metre is shocking…. so that’s one less thing to worry about.
Now settling down to watch something to pass the night away and just got the washing in before it rained.
Another good day today with a lot of revelation in it for me. Will have an alcohol free beer to celebrate! Cheers!
Just could not sleep last night, was up and down like a yo-yo after my night on the tiles…. I think I redecorates the bathroom loads of times in my head last night. (That’s all about choosing tiles for the bathroom and not being sick through alcohol just for those of you that might not have read yesterday’s blog!)
So up and out with the dogs first thing as the forecast was for horrific rain all day! It’s never as bad when you’re out in it but got them out before the worst of it.
Calaidh was whisked off out to work with Craig so I settled down and starting making Pawsitive Solutions calls. Time flies when you’re having fun as it’s soon after 12 and I have to doll myself up as I’m going out for Afternoon Tea at 1pm with friends!
Very remiss of me to forget to take pictures but I arrived on the dot of 1pm and I’m used to being early… we met at Padaro in Lugton which is 6 minutes from the house so it’s typical that the person closest is the latest?!? To give you an idea of the quality of the food, this plate of cakes is what was left once we had finished!!!!!! Yes, even Julesie the dustbin couldn’t eat everything. I mean… lightweight or what?!?!
So Ruth has been a friend for years and those of you who’ve been in my life for a while will know her as “one of the gym girls”. A group of us met at a Callanetics Studio in East Kilbride back in gosh, maybe the late 1990’s?! I hope Ruth will jump in here…. Ruth and her sister Moyra are just the funniest people in a funny haha way not funny weird (you loving the grammar Ruth?!?) I have some of the best laughs with these ladies and they can make you laugh through the saddest of situations. I met them both with their other sister Lorna today as Ruth had a voucher for afternoon tea from before lockdown.
It was so lovely to see them and catch up and get a good giggle. Life is lovely when you laugh and I could listen to them bat off each other for hours. Thanks so much for inviting me and we promised a return in East Kilbride.
The weather was atrocious when they drove down so it’s my turn next time. They had wondered if they would make it into the blog… 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣 I said that all 25 or so of my readers would now know all about them!!!!
A lovely wee afternoon.
So back to the house and have been making calls since 3.30 and it’s now 6.30pm!! I booked 6 jobs today, how amazing is that?!?! I’m pretty shattered now if I’m honest but I’m a good way. I’m very, very proud of me today. It’s been the closest day to a full working day in a very long time and I managed it. Ok I didn’t start till after 10 and had a 3 hour lunch break… when I put it like that I realise it’s nothing like what I used to do…. but it’s pretty damn good for what I do now!
I did read today that the Spanish holiday quarantine seems very unfair given that Spain had 12 deaths I’ve the last 5 days and the UK had 426. Not sure how true this is but I think the quarantine is being implemented due to the high number of cases in Spain in recent days.
So I’m officially knackered and going to join Craig in the pub for a Diet Coke to celebrate my successful day!
Morning everyone, after yesterday’s rushed blog (due to having a lovely day to be fair) I decided to start today at 9.09am…. it’s a Sunday morning and lockdown has eased enough that life is starting to feel a wee bit more normal. It’s hard to remember that not long ago we were actually only allowed out to the supermarket as little as possible.
I walked around Tesco in Kilbirnie yesterday and realised how quickly masks have become the new normal. Everyone was wearing one and they are starting to become a fashion statement with some! Lots of people are wearing the blue medical look ones which are disposable but I’ve found the cotton ones way more comfortable. I found myself signing into mine yesterday… I mean seriously?!? You know, as I write that that I think how lovely that I was singing (even if the sone was annoying me!) not that long ago I’d have been an anxious mess.
So felt I hadn’t done a covid-19 update for a while so wanted to get a look. Pleased to see Scottish deaths haven’t picked up much over the last month or so. Guess we all have to wait and see if we have a second wave particularly once we get into Autumn.
So we have decided to put our Roof top tent up for sale today… now that we have an extra 2.5” lift on the Jeep suspension the lifting it on and off is a beast of a job and I can’t help with it now. Even on my tiptoes!!!
The end of a era but the money will go to the conversion of Abbie the camper and we’ll go back to our ground tent if away in the Jeep. It takes away a huge amount of camping stress for us as the getting it on and off became such a big job.
Would you believe the roof top tent was sold within about half an hour!!! How amazing is that?!?
So we’ve been out for a bit looking at bathroom tiles. Almost every part of our bathroom is broken so we have decided to renovate while keeping the same bath, toilet and sink but retailing to freshen it up a bit (and fix the bits that are broken!)
Took a million photos of ideas so we can come home and play about with on online app that lets you see what floor and wall combinations go together.
Popped into my neighbour Claire’s for a coffee for the first time in since March! No more relying on good weather and having to hang over the fence up a ladder. Not caught up in ages so great to get a good natter. Came home and looking at bathroom tiles again!!
Going to go and watch a movie now I think and have a chill out evening. Again…. nothing else for it! 💜
Did my best work sneaking up on the housework this morning, it wasn’t planned but I took the dog hair in the house by storm… it was EVERYWHERE!!
In between the housework hours I did a wander round the garden seeing what came on in the last torrential rain showers!
Came home from the walk and went to Tesco in Kilbirnie for supplies for our visitors tonight. Got myself a lovely selection of Alcohol Free drinks! Knew I was being really snarky when I got home, really short tempered so decided to go for a wee lie down. Got into bed while Craig was working in the office, had all 3 dogs coorie in with me and I woke up at 18.16pm!!!!!!! A much nicer person I might add…..
Huge rush for shower, changed, dinner and some eyeliner and mascara on, check me….
Spending the evening with our neighbours Jim and Fiona in the sunroom with all 3 dogs… why is it they always need to be exactly where we are all the time…. might be they had their eye on the cheese and biscuits. So lovely to see them (not the dogs) and get a good chat! Jim realised he was in Grans chair just before he went home so spent the last drink reclining before getting himself up to standing ready to leave. Everyone loves Grans chair!!
So it’s now 23.22 and Craig’s just relit the fire but I’m going to bed…. a girl can never have too much sleep in one day. It’s been a good day, it feels good to have the house clean and been lovely to see our friends after all this time.
So I had big plans this morning to head out to Largs for a wee chill out by the sea while Craig’s at work but that all went out the window…. and for good reason it turns out.
So first fail of the day, I was meant to meet my new friend Edel for a dog walk at half nine. We’ve met on Shelagh Cumming’s tapping group on a Thursday. So I gets a message at 9.27 to say “I am here”….. oh my actual god. I should be at Castle Semple Loch in Lochwinnoch with the dogs to meet Edel at 9.30am! So after trying to flee about like a headless chicken, we decided to make it next week. Felt so bad but she was lovely about it! So then I thought I’ll catch up on a few Pawsitive Solutions calls then head out…. ended up on the phone till 10.45 then taking Holly and wee Rachel next door to Kilbirnie so Rachel could play with her friend. Then rushed about to get back to Viv’s Nails & Beauty for my appointment at 12pm!!!
Turns out Kilbirnie is a riot with roadworks and lorries getting stuck on the redirection route so the road to Largs would have been a nightmare today. Who knew?!?!? Shows you sometimes that when you think your plans are ruined that it sometimes for the best….
So I’m sitting here just now….. writing this
I want to try and explain the calm I feel sitting here…. I used to come here when I was off sick on the lowest days and watch the water. It’s only 5 mins from the house but it just takes all the stress away… not that I have much at the moment (check me) but some alone time is lovely…..No dogs, no dog hair (😬🤣) just the green and blue and the grey of the rocks. So simple but for me this is what life’s all about. The perfect beauty of our world before humans go and spoil it. I wish we could set up camp here for the night!
Craig’s just called and he’s heading home from work so I’ll head back and get some lunch sorted! Least we’ve stopped taking photos of our food…… 🤭😬🤣🤣
Great idea for lunch….. Straight into the pub…. awful picture but bloody good feed!
So now we are in a food coma and going to have a quiet night in front of the tv…. a la coronavirus lockdown. It’s been a lovely day and Craig is already snoring on the couch. Be rude not to join him with my new eyebrows and painted toes!!!!
I was up at 7.20 and on a call with Sonia who runs Pawsitive Solutions calls at 8am. Going to cover all the calls for a few weeks when she’s on holiday 😱😱😱 it’s fine and I will be ok, I may need 3 weeks off to recover and don’t expect much from me in between 🤣🤣🤣
You wouldn’t think I used to hold down at full time job, getting up at 5.30, out by 6.30 and not home till at least 6.30 or 7pm at night?!? How times have changed…. I’m exhausted by making a few phone calls!!
Anyway, back to the dog hair, I had to run my neighbour to the garage in Barrmill this morning and I came back home to this.
So Bhruic has joined Freya in the moulting gang and it’s coming out of her in barrow loads!!
So I think the only way I can cope is to move into the camper van for a few weeks…. as empty as it is. This hair casting malarkey is not gonna be fun. I’m off…. bye…. oh right ok, course I actually can’t do that I just need to try and shut my eyes and get over it. Even the grass outside has a white dog hair hue to it?!?!?! 🤬😤
So in an effort to avoid, Auntie Jac came down today and we went to her friend Anne’s house to deliver some paint. Jac and Anne up cycle furniture. Jac’s business is Transforming Treasures and Anne’s is something I can’t quite remember and Auntie Jac hasn’t replied quickly enough!!!😆🤦🏻♀️🤣. Anne has the enormous cuddly German shepherd who’s fluff-ball coat is firmly attached to his body and there was absolutely none of it anywhere that I could see. Except on him. Just as it should be. Good dog.
However, at the same time I was being a very bad daughter-in-law as I was meant to be babysitting my in-laws Chihuahua Cookie at 1pm as they went for lunch with friends in the Gateside Inn….. got home at 1.30pm.
Had to take Cookster back into the pub for 3pm as I had my Emotional Freedom Tapping Group. So managed to Cookie sit for a whole hour and 15 mins. Was lovely to see my mawlaw and pawlaw even for such a short time.
Lovely Shelagh in the top left corner has agreed to continue our wee group on the first Thursday of each month as we’ve all enjoyed it so much and have really helped as a group. (Anne I took this pic before you joined so you had a lucky escape!) it was really only set up to connect through lockdown but it’s been so good to meet regularly with likeminded people. 💜
Then…. I had another 5 calls to make for Pawsitive Solutions! Only got through to 2 and booked them both! Oor Craigie is going to be busier than a really busy thing!!
Couldn’t sleep this morning and woke up with a banging headache. Tossed and turned and got angry cause my head hurt so I decided that when Julie’s awake the whole house is awake! The dogs pretended to be wide awake but there was less spring int heir step… no wonder, is a very long time since they had a walk at 6.20am!!
Set off in the pouring rain and just past the pub about 10 steps when I realised Bhruic was limping again. Thinking it was her back paw again I brought her back so she could rest it.
When I attended cognitive behavioural therapy I felt worthless and we established that this was one of my core beliefs. I worked to turn this around and my new belief is that if I speak the truth I will be safe. Maybe need to pinch QUOD VERUM, TATUM ???
Back int he house for 7.45am showered and dressed (stupidly in black clothes… not the best when you have a house full of mounting dogs… was covered in hair by 8.30!!) and took a call for someone booking for Pawsitive Solutions. So that took me right up to my volunteering deliveries!
Had lovely chats with everyone again though this time either in the pouring rain or just inside the door way trying to keep dry. Got a lovely wee gift for my favourite Elvis fan… think she was pretty surprised and chuffed by it!
Then on to my next 2 lovely chatty ladies. During the week they all had a special delivery from Beith Trust… they got homemade Jam, tablet and a lovely wee card. Think this was from the huge donation I took in a few weeks ago from one of my lovely deliveries. They were so chuffed to have got it and one lady said that Beith Trust seem to care more about her than anyone else does. While this is sad, I’m so pleased to be a part of making her week slightly brighter. I told her that lovely things happen to lovely people!
I need to get into some Covid-19 news now as I’ve not said anything about it for a good few days.
Thought this was a really interesting article from Sky News as it answers a lot of questions that we have at the moment. We’ve all become aware that this virus isn’t going anywhere anytime soon sadly.
I’ve met some lovely new people as a result of coronavirus lockdown through volunteering and Shelagh Cumming’s tapping group. People that will remain friends. While it’s a sad time for many it’s been a blessing for me.
As an aside I would like you all to know that I’ve just had to type this whole blog twice. As I was adding in the Sky News article I tried to delete something and is said “DO YOU WANT TO DISCARD DRAFT” …… I said yes 🤦🏻♀️ that is the WRONG answer… the answer is
So I’ve now been on this for 3 hours… it’s much faster second time around I have to say. so I’m going to leave this here… walk away now so I can’t do anymore damage. I will be sitting on the couch in front of the fire with my feet up! I may crochet… I may watch tv but I will not be writing this blog a 3rd time!!!
So the meh bit first…. weighed myself before I went to bed last night (for some really strange reason I mean, why would you?!?) and was truly horrified at the result. Shocked. I am now over 14 stone and I’m only 5ft 4”…… I’ve put on half a stone since I was doing all those crazy steps back in the first stages of lockdown. I just can’t get into the right headspace at all to try and cut back but I’m disgusted with myself and horrified how much I’ve put on during lockdown. The first thing in my head is that I’m not even drinking so how can that weight gain be possible?!? (I know fine well why it’s possible…… 🤦🏻♀️😤)
So after a lot of soul searching today I’ve realised that I’m in the huff…. I have no energy to watch what I eat and track it, no desire whatsoever, the thought of it causes me huge stress. And yet…. I know how easy it is. I know it can be done but I am having a huffy childish strop in to myself because I don’t want to…. why me?!?
Extreme weight gain or weight loss is a part of symptom of depression. Not having the strength to prepare meals and eating on the hoof all the time. I had to choose to eat more on the hoof than I would have done eating full meals!!!
Anyway, sorry to the moan as there are a lot worse troubles at sea, I just thought writing it out might help and it does…. get over it Julie, just start tracking what you eat and the weight will fall off!
So my day….. god knows how I managed a full time job when I’ve been so knackered today…. up at 8 to take Holly my neighbour, to the garage to drop off her car then down to the cash and carry so she can stock up the pub. Home for 11 and had 7 calls to make for Pawsitive Solutions so got into that… called everyone, 3 answered, 4 didn’t so I took the dogs out for a walk…
So came home and called a couple of folk back and booked both jobs woo hoo hoo. Then ran next door back to the garage to pick up their car and by the time I got back realised I was late, for a very important date!!
Rachel, 2 doors down, and I are going to take over the Treasury of the Memorial Hall Gateside from Helen Craig who’s held the post for years.
We had a wee socially distanced meeting in Helen’s garden over a Becks Blue alcohol free beer! The sun was so hot… it was lovely.
Back home for 5.30 and had another call with someone I’d missed earlier! Then washing in and more out, dishwasher full, lentil soup on and then dinner! It’s 8 pm already…..
It’s funny given how hard I used to work that I am stressed out my box when I don’t get some down time in a day. Almost 2 years off sick really takes its toll and I’ve suffered from a lethargy all day that I can’t shake.
On a positive note I’ve not stuffed my self full of food which is something. I am how we, sick of the sound of my own voice after all that talking…. yeah yeah I know loads of you are sick of the sound of my voice too…. 😝
I confess to being too tired to look up Coronavirus news today…. I will try tomorrow I promise and I will also try to be a bit calmer and relaxed and a lot less moany!!!
If I recap it’s been a good day but I just didn’t get any chill out time and that still means a lot to me.
So yeah today my Craigie turns 45. We had a lovely wee night in the pub yesterday and today is just a lovely day together to see where it takes us.
Birthday boy was wide awake at 7.20 so we got up and had coffee while he opened I’m his mountain of pressies!
So, a wee bit about Craig….
We met in summer of 2007 and we just knew. You know that way that you know. We’d been together 10 days and we used to say we wished we could say it’s been 10 years as we knew we would be together. I’d been married before and Craig was everything I had on my wish list for a man. He is kind, caring, loving and I could leave him in a room with strangers and not have to worry about him as he can chat to anyone.
My struggle with mental health had been bubbling under the surface for a very long time but didn’t finally break me until Sept 2018 (told you I’d get back to me eventually…) the nature of my job meant I built a defensive wall around me, everything said to me was a criticism and I blasted back in return with a offence. Ok I still do sometimes but I’m learning to change that behaviour. I never listened to his advice as I saw him as an extension of myself and I was worthless so his advice must be too. I guess I tried to push him away as I always felt I didn’t love myself therefore how could he love me? So many special events in our lives are marred by my reactions to “how much did that cost?!?”
But he stood by me. All the way. He’s very supportive of my not drinking. Lockdown has brought us closer together and we’ve been really lucky to have that time to spend with each other. I’ve definitely learned to communicate better over the last few years and Craig tries not to get a parcel a day from Amazon or Jeepey so all is good. 😬😆
We said 2020 would be our year and in a very different way than we expected, it actually is.
So we have had the loveliest lazy afternoon. Craig has got his rear view mirror camera fixed in the Jeep and has been playing with some of his birthday toys….. and I have gone to get his birthday tea after a 2 hour nap with the pups!
So feet up and fire and candles on watching Yellowstone on tv…. a regular lockdown evening after a really nice relaxing day!
We were late in bed last night and I’ve been reading Lincoln Hall’s book “Dead Lucky, Life after death on Mount Everest” (bit of light reading for my fragile mind?!??? I just went to get the book as I couldn’t remember what it was called…. just said out loud yip not gonna find it in the bathroom 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😬😆)
Last night I said I was not gonna be one of those people that posted their food. Ok I lied… I had no idea what Craig would churn out for breakfast this morning. Wow!
Think the camera on the new phone is amazing. Everything seems so much brighter and clearer though it always helps when the sun shines!
Think Craig’s had a good night and I’ve enjoyed my Diet Coke…. I may not sleep tonight after all this 😉
Jeez we were up with the larks this morning! 6.20am then out with the dogs by 7.30am. I love an early morning walk but can seldom muster the enthusiasm to actually get off my lardy ass and get out with them. 😬🤷🏻♀️
Everything is so quiet, only a few cars passed us and we get the early morning sun while we plod along.
Back home for 8.30 and the day stretches ahead of us. So good to know we have 3 days holiday where we can whatever we want, or nothing….
Craig started trying to help Freya with her horrific moulting…. go figure how the wee pup with short hair is the one that moults like a beast?!?!?
We’ve the lovely laziest day. Craig fixed the bathroom light that’s been broken for a while! Then we had a wee nap in front of the fire…. was always gonna happen waking up at 6.20am.
By the time I got back via a wee teeny country road (lovely drive but not the best idea as Abbie the camper got whacked by branches a few times 😳 and no space for anyone to pass be it man, dog or bikes let alone cars!!) it was already 4.30pm. It took me about 2 hours to wrap Craig’s birthday pressies as I bought him soooo much 🙄😬 (my poetic licence again!!)
Up at 7.30 had a coffee then set about tidying up the mess from dinner last night, really must remember to do it at night before I go to bed but was so shattered after a busy day that I couldn’t be bothered at all… regret it in the morning though.
Jac came down for 10am and we decided to go out for a wee drive past The Little Coffee Caravan as it would be rude not to!! Even toyed with taking mum over some cake yesterday but it wasn’t opened when I passed. So I got an almond latte and a Cadbury’s Fudge blondie and it was soooooo good!
We then drove to Stewarton to pop past one of Jac’s “painty pals” (Anne) who up cycles furniture. Was a nice wee drive and saw a part of Stewarton I’d never been to before. Love a new road, me!
It actually rained ALL day. We drove from Stewarton through to Ardrossan, sat at the beach and shared a sandwich and back up the coast back home. No pics as everything was so bleak in the pouring rain. The sea was the same colour as the sky and we couldn’t see it for rain on the windscreen! 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😳 it was a lovely wee drive though.
Back home at 2pm and had another 2 calls to make for Pawsitive Solutions and since Kinesiology this week I barely feel any real anxiety. Nothing like the stomach churning, toe curling experience that I’ve been feeling since I started. It’s such a relief as I genuinely love chatting to the people.
So that’s “work” finished for the week and we have a whole 3 days together as this is Craig’s birthday weekend as he’ll be a whole 45 on Monday!
We went into the pub late afternoon and caught up with a few neighbours. Had a good laugh!
Actually important to note that I finally have taken the plunge and upgraded my phone. The spare one is been using has been getting screen flickers at the bottom repeating pictures from the top and the size of my photo box was slowing everything down. I now have a humongous sized memory and am going to take a lot of my phots off. This is the first pic I took with the new phone which nearly broke the lens…. 😬🙄😆 but whatever a difference in clarity!
Interesting to note that day 111 post will still not publish………. I will never stop trying as it’s become somewhat of a mission with me.
So I’m not gonna look up any coronavirus news as I’m really tired. My feet are up, the fire is on, the takeaway is ordered, the pups are crazy, Craig is blowing raspberries at them and driving them wild but it’s my lovely wee world.
Alarm set for 7.20 up, showered and heading to South Gayle in Edinburgh to meet mum. Had a lovely wee drive over though it seemed to take forever because I’m not used to driving any distance anymore.
So lovely to see Mum and have a wee day out.
I have to say that I really struggled with the shops today and we only went to M&S and Starbucks. The changes to a shopping experience are so significant. As you walk in to M&S the huge entrance has been covered over with temporary doors allowing 2 doors for in and one door for out so that there is control over the flow of those entering and exiting. There are stickers all over the floors warning of the 2m distance, spots on floors to show where you should stand when queuing and Perspex all over the toll area like you are paying in a wee bus stop.
The food hall was heaving and while everyone had masks on it still felt a bit much. Trying to find stuff while following signs on the floor is a bit much even for my expert multitasking!! 🤯😆
We sat out on a wee bench in the car park at the shopping centre and had our coffees before we headed off to South Queensferry to my brothers for lunch.
Headed home and got back before 4 as had calls to make for Pawsitive Solutions. Booked another job!! Then Claire messaged and asked if I fancied a walk so had a good long dog walk…… put the world to rights!
So yeah I’m pretty sad today, I had a lovely day but the reality of this virus has really hit me. The change to our way of life seems so huge. The overhead gantry signs all the way over said Stay Safe and Save Lives and I really thought about that…. we have to be careful so we don’t catch it and then pass it on to others. It’s like the stuff of movies, not reality. Sad times but I’m sure it will become the new normal soon.
Woke up with a thumping dehydrated head this morning… always think that’s so unfair when you don’t drink alcohol… but I needed a bottle of water and some tablets along with meditation to help it go.
Did Suzanne Robichaud Mediation for Nothing this morning and it just left you lying in nothing with an empty head. Amazing!! 🛌 ended up falling back to sleep until 9.15 and then rushing shower and hair drying before Volunteering at 10am. Had the usual people on my list.
So the first house had this lovely wee cat. Think it’s pretty young as we have a discussion every week about how I need to watch it doesn’t try and jump in the car… even from the days of the Beetle (still for sale!!).
As I head back to the van to pick up some more bags as realise it’s walking about in the back quite the thing…. exploring. I seriously hope it didn’t scent all over it as the puppers will go nuts next time they’re in!
Headed back to the house and by the time I got back to the van to try and get it out it was climbing up the inside back wall and out and up onto the roof… of course my phone was nowhere to be seen at the time 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😬
As the lady goes to get the bag of Dreamies to call it in, it slides down the front windscreen onto the bonnet and jumps down and heads straight for the kitchen door!!!
So then onto the second house and no one was in! When he turned up , just as I was leaving, he was so apologetic he’d been out for his walk and forgotten I was coming but his 4 inch long beard had been shaved off and I didn’t recognise him at all!!! Due to lockdown he’s been unable to get it trimmed so took scissors to it himself on Sunday night at 11pm. He couldn’t get it to look right so kept going shorter and shorter until he had to shave it off. It was lovely to see his eyes sparkling as he told the story. While I love a beard it took years off him and he told me some amazing stories about meeting a woman in his older years who’d always wanted to kiss a man with a beard ❤️
Onto the next 4 deliveries, lovely to catch up with everyone and then stayed an hour at one house putting the world to rights with a lady who looks like my Gran but sounds like my Nana!! Then onto my last delivery and the first words were “did you record the wee film of the Gateside Inn for FB?” Nods head smiling much “I thought it was you” she said. Good wee chat there then back home.
All in all lovely to see my wee team!
The Gateside Inn was busy when I got back so looks like people are taking up the indoor pub being open now. There were cars parked up and down the road. Great to see them busy but with COVID-19 restrictions in place.
Think the wee video I tried to share in my Day 111 blog killed it as it’s still stuck and won’t post. Spent an hour and a half trying to unstick day 111 and got angry with it so finally gave up for now…. things like frustrate the hell out of me as it can’t be that hard?!?!
Some good news though, booked another Pawsitive Solutions job for Craig which I was awfy chuffed with. The lady was lovely and will learn a lot from Craig’s training!
So all of a sudden it’s 5pm and the afternoon seems to have disappeared!
Lots of love to you all. I’m away to battle with Day 111 again and see if I can ever post it 🤦🏻♀️🤬🤯👎🏼😬🤷🏻♀️
Craig’s out at work all day today so we got up and had breakfast then I walked the monster pups. It’s a miserable morning… well that’s not fair actually, it’s warm but with smirry rain. In fact after a good dog walk it was positively tropical!
So my anxiety is still lurking today or at least it was this morning. I have nothing planned, no reason to be anxious and yet I am. I needed something that I could really get my teeth into. Some manual labour that required some focus to stop my mind from whirring round!
We also got bags of wood delivered that needed brought in front the car park and emptying so I did that as well. Wo-MAN ON MISSION 😆
So yeah it totally did the job as I’m now shattered having a wee sit down with my feet up. My head is not whirring around anymore as it’s too tired.
I’ve a few Coronavirus stories to share that I found this morning.
Didn’t get to bed until 11.30pm last night…. oh my word it’s almost like a late night!!! We had been lounging in front of the fire since 5pm as well 🔥…. doesn’t that paint a lovely romantic picture rather than saying we were just slobbing in front of the tv?!?! 📺🤭😆
So after about 4 episodes of American Survivor, we finally went to bed and so a we lazy morning for us. Up at 9, coffee, watching the dogs play in the garden.
Did a wee family trip to the greenhouse as not done that in a while… life in the fast lane in lockdown huh?!
So first of all we went round the garden like maniacs chopping everything down that had got too bushy…. I now have more than a brown bin full of garden rubbish…. I can feel my anxiety started to bubble over. (Reading this back and I feel I should say that it’s not just because the brown bin is full 😆) The usual of too many things I want to do but actually can’t really be bothered doing any of them. It’s a constant battle between feeling fired up and raring to go but equally drained and lethargic. I find myself already nervous about the calls I have to make next week which are going really well but for some reason the effort it takes me to do them is gargantuan. (What an amazing word… it feels like climbing Everest with every call I see coming through and yet I actually have enjoyed them event they are done).
But no…. there are seats that need removing…. I’m actually really chuffed that I’m doing this myself and really only need a bit of extra brute force on a few of them that I couldn’t get moving. Once my brute used some of his strength they were fine.
Not gonna lie, this was not a particularly fun job and I found I just got into the swing of a best way to loosen one when it was almost out. Hey, you live and learn!
So Craig’s been busy doing all things Jeep stuff. He’s fitting a reversing mirror and his new number plates.
Forgot to say yesterday that mum and dad should have been in Iona for a holiday recently so they sent me a wee gift ordered online from Iona.
So another quiet night for us again. It would appear the Gateside Inn have delivered dinner to the front door which is soooo lovely! Dinner, last of the sun then maybe some more vegging in front of the tv…. relaxing in front of the open fire…. 😆
My anxiety gave me a hammering yesterday so I already knew that this weekend was going to be different. I am not going to let it win. Craig’s out at work but will be home by about 2pm and we are going have a nice weekend together…. what could possibly go wrong?!?!
The sun was shining first thing but then started to rain 🤦🏻♀️ so I put the fire on and made some lentil soup and now it’s sunny again. Not that I’m suggesting for a minute that me making soup changes the weather but it’s just one of those little things that make you smile. (lovely warm day… who needs soup?!? 😳😆)
So I bundled the pups in Abbie the camper van to see if we could find somewhere different to walk. A change is as good as a rest and all that…
So the fuel light came on yesterday so I drove to Asda Barrhead and filled up with 74 litres so will see how long that lasts. Got 563.8miles out of the last tank but it wasn’t fully empty when I filled it. So the pups had a wee jaunt. Again the first of many.
So we all came home and I had a lovely hour and a half Nana nap in Grans chair with my feet up. The dogs were zonked too which I love seeing, just so lucky I didn’t get any of them stuck on a dangerous stick!!!
As full as you are when you’ve had a pub meal just looking at these pics now I could go the same again….. I have shocked myself 🙈🤭🤣
So I’m sitting in front of the fire with my feet up and I’m going to chill for the rest of the night and it’s only 5pm.
The only COVID news I can see is that Scotland reported 18 new cases yesterday which isn’t the best news. Likely to be caused by lockdown easing but we just have to make sure we’re careful.