Day 178 a beautiful day ☀️yet my anxiety is doing cartwheels ⭕️ ⭕️ ⭕️

This has really helped me understand my anxiety

It’s glorious today. Pure blue skies, sunshine and it’s hot. (well I say that and I’ve finally sat out in it at time of writing and it’s not as hot as I thought…. 🙊🤣)

Anyway, that aside…. we went down to Tartan Campers with Abbie today to pick the material we want for the new captains’ seats.

Dark grey vinyl with teal flashes and the grey tartan seat base 💺 chuffed with it! The Tartan will have the teal stitching 🧵 through it too. (The photo has changed the dark grey vinyl to light grey but it’s not!)
Took a sneaky pic of Abz at Tartan Campers

She’s getting some upgrade work done at the end October and I found out today they could need her for two or three weeks. Perfect timing for someone coming to see the Beetle on Sunday then eh?!? While that’s very welcome news…. Mr Sod is exerting his law again?!? I have mulled this over all day…. so we keep the Beetle as we need it or allow her to come and see it. I’ve changed my mind all day but I’m going with let her come to see it and if it sells then I have to deal with it.

Of course the Beetle needs valeted again as Craig has been using it for work while the Jeep has been sans clutch but I can get that done tomorrow.

Don’t know if I said the Jeep is back now and Craig says the new clutch feels great and it’s looking A-MAZING. 😍

Sooooo shiny after a mini valet today!

Had a lovely wee visit to Gayle’s shop today but my anxiety wouldn’t let me relax there either 🤪

Overthinking what I wanted to buy as a gift…. and then had someone queuing to get in…. made me “panic” in the calmest sense of the word, rush my browsing and feel like I’d hardly seen Gayle or the whole of the shop…. it’s just the anxiety telling me that I’m not good enough and second guessing my every thought.

A perfect summary of my day

I had 5 calls to make for Pawsitive Solutions and I actually calmed down when I started making them…. oh how I laugh typing that sentence. The calls had me sick with worry less than 3 months ago. Now I’m saying they calmed me down 🤨 it’s ok I hear myself….. but I can’t tell you how much better it makes me feel to write it down.

I heard the door bell and Craig appeared beside me with a huge bouquet…… 💐

I was the lucky one today and got flowers delivered from mum and dad! So unexpected and lovely 💕 awwwwwwww!

I’m just questioning everything in my mind. Those things that usually sit well with me are under scrutiny. I fully believe that I’m in a much better place now than I have been for a long time. I’m aware I have no job…. the old me would have been terrified by that. The new me thinks there are loads of ways to make money without having to surrender myself to a corporate entity again. The old me sneers at that.

I think that’s another problem… the house is a a state due to the renovation in the bathroom. I feel overwhelmed but stuff. Everywhere I look there is more stuff. I’m stressing because I want to clear it all at once but am changing my mind about what’s the most important. I’m running round achieving nothing.

And most of all I am tired. I need to have a wee nap and then it all might just be ok.

Sorry for the negative tone today. I have put myself down in every conversation I’ve had. I can hear it and I cringe and try and turn it around. That, in itself, is tiring.

Think I’ll take tomorrow as a good one.

Stay safe everyone ⭕️⭕️⭕️