It started with a 3.30am wide awake mulling things round and round and over and over.

My head is gowping….. my head is the sore body part 😬

My jaw is tense, my face is red and burning.

Ok enough with the moaning. I’ve said before and I’ll say again that I don’t write this for sympathy. I just want to share my experiences in the hope that people really how crazy a relatively normal looking person can be. I slightly smiled at that….

So yesterday, wonderful and lovely.

Today, angry, frustrated, anxious, defensive.

Drama number 1… the part for the Jeep arrived this morning and it wasn’t the right part…. AGAIN !!!! Poor Craig had to jump in the citroen and head to the garage to photograph the Jeep (which he used to be able to drive) and head back down to Pirtek to get them to make something up that would fit the connections in the photos. That part is now at the garage and they are trying to fit it on the Jeep. Fingers, toes and everything crossed.

So while Craig was doing that, I took the dogs out and had a wander round a field while the Open Reach guy worked to fix the super fast broadband which was super slow….

So I’m home and the guy has fixed the broadband.

It’s not quite the same in my new office upstairs. Still a lot better than it was.

The doorbell went when I got back in and it was the lovely Eleanor and her wee girl from Elly’s Cakes delivering some lovely poppy cookies that I’d ordered. She’s based in Gateside and I only found out in the last few months that she has a FB page where she advertises her cakes! Click on the link!! Elly’s Cakes 🎂 🍰 🧁

She asked how I was doing….. bet she wished she hadn’t?!?!?! 🤯🤬😂🤣

So the next drama was the new desk that I bought from FB buy and sell overnight. So I had messaged a few folk about desks, figured the cost of delivery was too high so was happy with the camping table as a desk instead. I’d seen one desk that was £40. The guy messaged last night and said he could give me it for £30 if I was still interested? Did I like it enough? Did I really want that one? Ah but he’s close to home. He’s now offering to deliver it for £40. He can bring it today. Ok it will be great it’s meant to be….. did I really like it???

So my darling husband hits the nail on the head again saying that I only went for it because it was £40. He is right. I’m not over the moon with it. It’s not perfect. It’s a bit bigger than I would have liked, it takes over the room. Not sure. Honestly though with the mood I’m in I’m not sure anything would have worked today….

So Craigs off out to work and I have calls to make but I thought I’d write this first to get my head straight. Mum also called and got it between the eyes. Poor woman was only out for a nice walk thinking she’d have a wee chat. Wham!

In some good news Abbie the camper is coming on in leaps and bounds at Tartan Campers!

So there have been lots of good things today and I am calmer as a result of spelling it out. If you’ve read this far there will be a medal at the end…..

I’ve spent some time with candles on, crocheting and listening to Fearne Cotton’s podcast Happy Place .

I do feel calmer. Honestly the anxiety I’ve had today is totally out of control. It’s a Tasmanian devil whirlwind that sucks everything into it. It’s irrational but overwhelming when you’re in it.

Thanks for listening…

Stay safe everyone 💜❤️💜

I have had the loveliest of days today. Just pottering around quite the thing. It was a lovely morning so I got the dogs out for a good run first thing.

Yeah I only managed about 50 stitches before I had to head back in to the warmth.

I moved the camping table upstairs along with a camping chair so was all set with this lovely view. The window has been open all day.

I made calls and did some Gateside Memorial Hall work. I sorted through paperwork and bills. Worked on my to do list. I moved stuff around, kind of tidied up a bit but I really enjoyed doing it all.

I put a washing on and hung it up, loaded the dishwasher.

THEN……. drumroll……. Open Reach arrived to install our super fast fibre broadband!!!!! AND….. it’s not working.

It was……. then it wasn’t and now it isn’t.

They’ll be back between 8.30-9 tomorrow morning to resolve.

So the big news this evening is the first vaccine has been developed that prevents 90% of people from contracting COVID-19.

In other good news the president-elect Joe Biden has finally been able to announce that wearing masks in the US should not be a political statement. This is great for the States as it will stop the spread of the virus.

Stay safe everyone ❤️💜❤️

Had the weirdest dream again last night. Think I understand this one though…..

I’m at university at falling behind in ALL my subjects. My friend Evelyn (who didn’t go to Uni with me but is bloody good at crochet!) is on level 9 subjects (whatever that means?!) and I’m only at level 4. I am so far behind and have so much to catch up on. I can’t concentrate, my mind is all over the place. Evelyn has everything filed on her laptop, perfectly. Mine is a mess, I can’t find anything, there’s no order.

I’ve had a similar dream before (without Evelyn!) and have also woken up panicked that I won’t get my degree. Surely this is down to my huge change of direction in life and that it doesn’t conform to the life plan I had mapped out. I’m worried I’ll fall behind. So you know what?!? I have fallen behind my life plan. Way behind and I did the day I walked out of the office in floods of tears.

Claire invited me out for breakfast this morning and we went to the Corner House in Kilwinning. It was so lovely. The food was amazing and the company was even better!

I had the veggie breakfast and Claire had the pancakes. I also talked the hind leg off a donkey! (Where does that saying even come from!) So lovely just to get a some time out somewhere together for a change!

So back home and I’m not sure what I’ve achieved this afternoon. I think I’m a bit meh if I’m honest. I feel the weekends need to be something different from the week and there’s loads to do and I can’t be bothered doing any of it. I’m sitting crocheting in from of the fire while Craig snores like a train on the couch!

I think maybe we’re all the same just now. We need to learn that it’s ok to do “nothing”… it’s ok to relax. There is genuinely nothing that really needs done.

I did brush down the dogs. That was worthwhile. 😆

Stay safe everyone 🧶 ❤️🧶

I had to go and get my glasses fixed in Specsavers. Nearest branch?!? Largs. Boom…. see what I did there??

So I should point out here there is absolutely nothing wrong with the Citroeney thing we are hiring just now. It’s actually a lovely drive… it’s a Citroen C3 Aircross, black with a white roof. Perfectly lovely. Just been pointed out that I may have been taking out my Jeep frustrations on the poor hire car. So scene set. It’s good!

There was hardly a breath. I’d driven through most and beautiful sunshine, past reservoirs and hills. What a stunning drive in the lovely Citroen!

So specsavers have kept a pair of glasses to see what they can do to fix them… the leg fell off on about day 2 of lockdown! They tightened my second pair which I now wear all the time so all good.

Unsurprisingly I had a wander around the charity shops and picked up a few things. then off to Costa to pick up a coffee for the drive home!

And I ate dessert too quickly to remember to take a photo!!!

It was lovely to be out. The pub can’t serve alcohol under the current guidelines which suits me! We did have a giggle when Gemma asked what soft drink would you like….. the answers took ages and even when they picked something it sounded like a “if I have to…..”

So back home with a full tummy to sit crocheting.

I’ve had a lovely day and honestly Largs this morning was so special. The calm, the peacefulness and the way it felt like everything was just waking up. The tourist season is over now so it just feels nice to be a local.

So in other news the Democrat Joe Biden has just been called as the President-elect for the USA 🇺🇸 along with Kamala Harris who’s the first female and first coloured woman of Indian descent to be in office.

I have good friends that are Republican and voted for Trump and while I feel sad for them I truly believe the world breathes a sigh of relief tonight. This insanity needs to end and I truly believe a dictator in the making has been shown the door.

On that note…. we’re gonna have another movie night as that’s how we roll in these covid times…

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇺🇸🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Can you tell I don’t get out much?!?! There are a few reasons…

• COVID-19
• Abbie the van is in for conversion to Abbie the camper van
• THE JEEP IS STILL BROKEN AND IS THE HARDEST CAR IN THE WORKS TO ACTUALLY GET PARTS FOR!!!!!

So I started writing this while I was sitting outside out 5th option for Jeep parts. Craig had been in Pritek for at least 10 mins and the elation I felt was such a relief……

Nope. They were just busy. Time for another list.

• Hydraulink say they can’t make a pipe with those connectors on the end.
• Hydrafit said “we shut at half four” in a very loud voice when I went in at 4.24pm the other day. Then said it’s imperial and they can only do metric.
• Jeepey say that the physical part we need will not fit our car based on the ref and VIN nimber
• Jeep Linwood ordered the wrong part first. Then once we compared them they ordered what they think might be the right part. In some fishy issue with the courier, it didn’t arrive Tuesday as planned, didn’t arrive Wednesday and is now having to be reordered but this time from Italy?!?!?!?!
• Pirtek Kilmarnock said they could do it but add on a different end and make the pipe a different shape. Couldn’t keep it the same.

So I do apologise for the rant but we are already down £500 on a hire car and no further forward with the Jeep. Can you just write off a car because you can’t get a part for it?!? Asking for a friend…………

In other news poor Kilmarnock town centre today is looking pretty sorry for itself. So many shops now closed and boarded up. We went to Costa for coffee and kind of regretted that too.

I meant to say that I had a lovely wee evening in my room last night. Craig watched football when he came home from work and I sat upstairs with Fearne Cotton’s Happy Place podcast on and crocheted to my hearts content. Freya joined me and slept on the floor. It was just a lovely time. Me, myself and I. We both agreed that while we want each other’s company we both had a great night. That’s polite communication for you eh?! 🤣🤣🤣 can I do it again tomorrow !?!

I’m up here again now sitting on the bed which is my makeshift desk making calls and booking more for January 2021!!! I’ve found a second hand desk I love but it’s in Balgreen in Edinburgh and it won’t fit in the wee Citroeney thing…… I’ve got quotes of £74 to collect and drop off which I’m considering . Hmmmm we’ll see. Maybe a better one will appear over this way!!

Finally we’re outside now at the fire pit. I have a lovely alcohol free cider that I picked up in Tesco today. It’s only 50 calories and is super tasty!

Relaxed and chilled. Still no US President that I’m aware of. But I have spicy Nik Naks. That’s all I need right now.

Stay safe everyone 🔥🔥🔥

I did not sleep that well last night. I have a tickle cough that has been lingering for a few days and last night I got up at 2.30am to get some paracetamol which knocked me out until 6.30am. Yeah that time again…. 😬

So I feel tired today and a bit lethargic… in fact a bit sloth like.

I had a zoom call this morning on the remainder of the Pawsitive Solutions puppy manual which was great. I actually think some of it is starting to stick in the old napper…

We tried Skype first but I had the no camera symbol. While all the settings showed that the camera was working fine… it really wasn’t. I faded about with it then tried zoom with the same issue. So while we went through the training I kept looking up why my camera might not work and found a button on the laptop. Hey presto, finally got a picture!!!

Then half way through there was some incessant buzzing noise where Lorna could here me and I couldn’t hear her. Then vice versa. Took me about 10 mins to resolve that one.

The moral of the story…………..

Stop using the laptop as a desk and pressing random buttons while writing notes on a pad. 🙄

Then the doorbell went and the postie wanted to chat… but we got there in the end!

When I got back I came upstairs to the spare room now officially known as MY room. Sorted the bed though didn’t think the first pic looked right so put my Grans crochet blanket over it and I’ve been sitting here making calls, then crocheting , then chatting to mum, then blogging.

The important thing is that I’m sitting here and I like it. I’m away from any “things that need done”. It’s a new space and I’m enjoying being in it.

The US election is still bumbling along with Biden at 253 and Trump at 214 from memory. The first to get to 270 wins. Trumpet is contesting the legality of the postal vote so I guess there is some testing times to come over the next few days.

England went back into lockdown today while Scotland’s pubs reopened this week for food only. The number of deaths yesterday was the highest since May this year.

I felt quite antsy this afternoon, I was tired and needed to rest but felt like I shouldn’t. I missed my tapping group that was scheduled for 3pm because I had no concept of time today. Remembered this morning and then it went right out of my head as the day progressed. It’s almost as if I just can’t quite manage everything at once just now. But that is ok. I need to accept what is and by writing this blog I see that every day is different. Some days are better than others. One things for sure, crochet sure calms my mind!!

Stay safe everyone 🧶 🧶 🧶

It’s 11am and I’ve changed the bed, washed the sheets and had the loveliest long walk up on the old golf course with the dogs. So yeah there are a million photos to come…. 😬

Whilst embracing the darkness and enjoying the long nights, I cannot lie that the sun shine brings me an inner joy that cannot be beaten. (You know as I write that I think what a lot of tosh….. that’s the old me speaking!! The new me bloody loves it!)

I have so many pictures I have no idea how I will narrow them down 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I’ve just had the most lovely and relaxing time. I have switched off to the election in the US 🇺🇸. I’ve switched off to all my stressors.

I’m listening to a podcast called “How to you cope” with Elis & John. It can be pretty deep, dealing with huge life issues and I’ve listened to 2 episodes already this morning but their voices are calming and it’s hugely interesting. I did wonder last week if this podcast was causing my negative emotions and it quite possibly was. During kinesiology on Saturday, Shelagh said that this would most likely be the case but it would bring things to the surface in order for me to deal with them. Makes a lot of sense.

In other news I sat on my glasses and now they are really squint… oops.

I’ve been upstairs in the spare room trying to tidy up the mess I’ve made over the last few days. I can currently report that I’m lying on the new day bed trying really hard not to just fall asleep. After all the fresh air and then humphing stuff around fir the last 2 days it’s no wonder I feel tired.

I love it. Craig if you’re looking for me I am likely to be up here!!

I’m avoiding all things politics but am aware the votes are not all counted despite President Trump telling the world he has won due to voter fraud. He’s lying…. again. Just have to wait and see if he gets back into power. Nuff said.

Nana nap is on the cards now.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

This is the first day in a long time that I’ve not had to look back on what day number this was… I’m quite proud of myself. I remembered yesterday’s 3 little ducks 🦆 🦆 🦆.

I had a great sleep last night but have been waking at 6.30am for a good few days now and I did again. This gives me a chance to check up on the news, social media etc. I can’t read my book in the dark and I don’t want to get up. However…. I know this hasn’t helped me today.

With everything going on just now I find the news a bit overwhelming. Craig is really into all things political right now and I have to say that I firmly share his views and just can’t understand how things in the US 🇺🇸 are going how they’re going right now. Well I fully understand why they are how they are but that’s my political opinion and not for this blog to share. It’s terrifying that people who have voted one way all their lives will still do so because they hear all the scare-mongering on their side about the other.

I know that I cannot change any of that but I have to change how I choose to react to it. It’s terrifying to think what the world is coming to…

So all of that aside I went for a lovely dog walk and I think that really helped. I had some lovely chats with some other villagers while I was out and the sun was starting to push through the clouds.

In more ways than one…. the wind and rain have died down but so has the crazy inside my head…. I had a day of clearing out our bedroom in between making Pawsitive Solutions calls. I feel so much calmer than I even did this morning. I’ve had a day where I chose what I wanted to do and when I did it rather than being dictated by other events and I’ve really enjoyed it.

While it started off shaky I have turned today around and I feel really blessed to have this life right now. I can’t explain the relief when the storm passes.

Another learning curve climbed and riding the wave until the next one.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

So I know that those who know me well will fully believe in my ability to talk all day but I just did not stop all day. Given that I’ve been off sick for so long there is usually a time in the day where I will read, nap, crochet etc but this move towards reality means there is less time for that.

7am alarm

7.30am dropped Abbie the van down into Tartan Campers for her renovations into Abbie the camper van!!!

9am-12.30pm getting my hair done by our lovely hairdresser literally across the road.

Elaine has a lovely wee salon in the back of her house now. Built during lockdown. Got a balayage.

Anyway, love my hair and great to have a good chat with Elaine!

12.45 until about 5.30pm I just talked on the phone to customers, family, friends… the phone just didn’t stop. I missed calls when I was speaking to one person and then missed more calls when I called them back.

Anyway it’s been lovely to talk to everyone but in my new found self loving world I do need a lot of silence too. I am sitting in front of the fire with my mouth firmly shut!!

Funny I would always have said I was an extrovert but these last few years have showed me just how introverted I actually am. I need some time every day just to be otherwise I meet myself coming backwards. So many sayings that we use just do not look right written down!!

Will sleep tonight.

Stay safe everyone ❤️💜🖤

Thanks to all who new that our Storm is called Aiden. I know an Aiden and if he’s causing this then I’m not happy with him…. 🙄😆

I have to say that I am experiencing all of these just now except reckless behaviour and thought of suicide… (thank god!) but yeah it’s amazing how an anxiety episode seems to throw all the good work out the window.

On the plus side my head is much calmer today. I’ve had a good day and it’s been very successful without actually planning it that way.

So I’ve been looking at the IKEA Hemnes day bed to replace the double bed I sold yesterday. A few of our visitors panicked that they would have nowhere to sleep in case they were ever allowed to stay over again!! Now when you read this you’re going to realise just how random it is….

All the second hand day beds are white. Our compromise (as Craig didn’t like the day bed) was that I got the grey one…. the grey one only comes up second hand down south and precisely 345 miles away!! Some were 359, some 378 but you get the picture… too far.

The day before Abbie the camper goes in for her transformation, I wanted to go to Largs. You know how I love a wee trip to Largs. For some reason it just hits the spot. Charity shops…. coffee shops…. and the sea and a ferry…

So yip you guessed it…. this morning a white one appears up for sale on Largs, priced a lot less than any I’ve seen and it’s still for sale and I can go get it today…. and Craig realises that white is fine or we’re gonna have to pay about £400 for a new grey one… and he was going to have to come to IKEA with me. 🤷🏻‍♀️😆

It all fitted in the van perfectly. It’s like it was meant to be. See that just proves that good things come to those who panic and worry and have hissy fits…. 🥴

Largs did not disappoint either.

As England goes into another COVID-19 lockdown I felt the need to do a wee bit of shopping just in case and I actually got some stuff for Christmas. Check me who never says the C word until after my birthday….

I started on the lighter coloured Irish cream latte…. when someone appeared with the second…. apparently the first one didn’t have any coffee in it!!? Who knew?!? I’d have drank that without realising I think.

Storm Aiden was playing havoc with high tide and I took 852 photos of which I will try and narrow down slightly.

Right… enough. The rest will just had to the 50,000+ photos I have on the iCloud!

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️