Day 242 how to put yourself down in one easy lesson

Listen to me for a day…. 🥱🤐

Jeezo… not sure what’s hit me today but it’s another very sad and tired day in the life of…

It’s actually been a very productive day. By 10am and I had walked the dogs, poop scooped the garden, put the recycling in the bins, emptied and refilled the dishwasher, parcelled up some items I’d sold on eBay, taken them to the post office AND been to the co-op for a mini shop. (Breathe!!)

Lovely sunrise 🌅

Very productive. Yet I feel like a lead brick. Tired, exhausted and very sad. As soon as I tell someone I feel sad… the tears start and then they flow for a while.

I had 9 Pawsitive Solutions calls to make so sent them all emails to advise we are fully booked until January… that bought me a bit of time until I felt strong enough to talk to people.

It’s amazing how you can put yourself down so easily.

How will I ever manage the puppy jobs if I have a day I feel like this?

Why am I still feeling rotten after all this time, why can’t I just be “normal”? (Yeah I know…. what even is that?!)

My head spins with all sorts of negativity. I’m not good enough, how hard to I have to make it, I have so much that I want to do that it swirls round in my head yet I can’t be bothered doing any of it. But I will stress about not doing it and then add to it.

I have to say that I found this but honestly today wasn’t this negative. I’ve not had any backstabbers or people putting me down. I’m more than capable of that myself.

I tried to do a Suzanne Robichaud hypnotherapy session again. It’s to stop you reacting to triggers. I conked out. I remember breathing at the start of it then the phone ringing….. it’s Craig and he says “I’m home!!”…. he was standing at the bedroom door, saw me with headphones on and thought I’d be slightly less terrified if he called me rather than tried to wake me up. Took me a while to figure out who and where I was and why he was home. I’d slept for an hour.

I’ve mentioned naps a lot recently but this is the first time I’ve actually slept in the middle of the day. I am just tired of being tired.

We had soup and rolls for lunch and a wee chat about Craigs day then I came back up to follow up some calls. Now felt able to speak to people.

Also organised my van insurance since it’s been converted.

So all in all a successful day, albeit a bit miserable. I have kinesiology in the morning so I can’t wait for that to help me straighten out my head.

Need to practice this more often

Sorry for the moan today.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️