I woke at 6.15amā¦.. by 8.30am we had both done all of the housework and sat down to a coffee.
Checkā¦.. Usā¦.. ā
Itās been a few weeks since I gutted everything so it badly needed doing and Craigie was quite happy to start cleaning at 7amā¦. God love himā¦. š«¶š¼ I guess he knows it will keep me from moaning for the rest of the day!!
About 10am I took the dogs out for a walk and spotted these 3 wee guys on the top of this gate. They didnāt move until we were almost past them.
Bhru started having a munch of the grass so I clicked at will trying to see if Iād get a funny shot of her.
How good is that!!!!
It looks like sheās photobombed a shot but shame itās only grass in the background. Made me chuckle!
There was lots of lovely grass being sniffed and munched on today.
By this time Iāve already done two loads of washing and hung it out to dry. Itās overcast but warm enough.
Clean bed tonight!
Weāve burnt some wood and garden rubbish, done another washing, oh and I had a coffee with Claire in the garden. She brought these lovely hydrangeas from her garden.
Beautiful flowers!
Then we went into the pub about 2ish for a toastie and Iāve been sitting in the sun reading ever since. Itās been a lovely late afternoon. I feel calm but have no notion to do anything else. Iām really tired but itās too late for a nap. Just an early night in clean bed I thinkā¦ woo hoo.
So nothing exiting to report todayā¦ a doing day.
Itās been a great weekend. A real break. I feel like Iāve had a holiday!
I had a lovely chill out back at the van after our late lunch. I went for a walk.
Found this lovely old bridge.
I make a feta cheese and egg salad for dinner last night. It started to rain slightly about 6.30pm so I moved into the van and sat and read and crocheted.
The campsite was jumping when I turned in at 9.30. I couldnāt keep my eyes open which is just as well as there were loads of folk having a blast.
All cosy
This but might only make sense to the Scottish amongst you but the two Natalieās next to meā¦ or ātwa Nahaliesā were cackling like a witches covenā¦. If I heard the name āNahalieā once I heard it a million times!
It rained a fair bit overnight but I slept like a log. I can confirm the twa Nats weāre still going strong at 1.40am. š
Good news is theyāre off to find a pub in Largs today so the campsite might be a bit quieter š¤£š¤£š¤£
It was really misty and damp this morning.
I had a lovely coffee and egg and feta Warburtonās thinā¦. (Bit of an egg and feta theme hereā¦.) for breakfast. I lay and read until just before 10. May have had a nap too.
Took this photo as I was leaving.
Shows how busy it was.
I headed down into Largs for a fender and a takeaway coffee from Costa.
Much gloomier today.
Back home, showered and out for a trip over to Edinburgh.
Mumās cousin David is over from Australia so weāre all getting together to see him while heās home.
We have had the loveliest day! Weāve been in Duddingston in Edinburgh at mumās cousin Joyceās. (funny how I call her that!)
I do not have copyright to post a photo of Mumās cousin Joyce š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ I got an oh no no no no noā¦.. So hereās a pic of me and my boy.
Itās been a beautiful afternoon, really hot and sunny at times and weāve been outside all afternoon. Such a difference from this morningās weather. Joyce laid on a lovely spread and weāve all talked the hind legs off a donkey all afternoon (what does that saying even mean?!)
Hereās my Mum and my Auntie Marion. I havenāt asked them for copyrightā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤£š
Lots of chatter, lots of laughs, a really lovely day.
I feel like Iāve had a proper break this weekend. A great few days.
It looks like itās going to be a lovely weekend so I thought Iād get away for an overnight in Abbie the camper van and oor Craigie said that he will cope and try not to be too sad and lonely without me #craigiehasanempty š¤£
I feel like Iāve not made good use of the van this year so really fancied a quiet night away in the sunshine so Iāve come to South Whittlieburn Farm just north of Largs, on the west coast of Scotland. Itās only 30 minutes from the house but a change of scenery and the fresh air, will do me good.
That saidā¦. On checking in, I was told it likely to be pretty noisy tonight as theyāre fullā¦. I said I was having a wee quiet night away on my own and she grimaced and said āoooh I think youāll be luckyā¦.ā š³
Thatāll be me later trying to shut everyone up!
So Iām up against a hedge hiding so I can pretend Iām up here all alone. Iāve wanted to try this site for a while. Sadly there no sign of the sea and I guess itās just not really what I expected. At the moment itās quieter in our own back garden with the pub beer garden full next door!!
There are workmen rough casting the main house so a fair bit of the noise is down to them at the moment.
I have my own gate š¤£š¤£š¤£
This is where social media can give you a false impressionā¦. You canāt see all the other campers from my photosā¦ just showing you the solitudeā¦. š
So I was up at 5, worked very hard at the Fit Body Farm. It was the same as last week, the interval training killer session! There were only 7 of us so I quite like a wee quiet class.
Back home and out a walk with Bhruic and Freya first then back home to meet Holly (next door) and Leo and the second walk of the day. All this done by 10am.
Its 1pm now and Iāve done 14,224 steps already!
Should say here that the kennel cough pups are not too bad. Calaidhās seems to have passed and Freya only has a slight cough now. Bhruic seems to have missed out which is good.
Craig was working in Greenock this morning so is going to drive past the campsite and weāll head into Largs for lunch.
Thereās no signal here so I will post this when out for lunch.
I have my crochet and a good book. Iāll be fine!
My blanketās coming along really well though god knows where all these crochet things are going to go!! Our house is festooned with crochet blankets these days. I really do not live life in the fast lane these days. šš¤£
Weāve come to Bueno Onda in Largs for food. Weāre sitting outside with a view of the sea and it feels very cosmopolitan.
The menu is tapas and while service was pretty slow, the food was really good.
Highly recommended if you have the time to chill and watch the world go by.
Craig will drop me off back at the campsite and head home.
I didnāt post last night as I had a really low day yesterday.
I felt very tearful when I first woke up, so much so that I decided to try and get a Kinesiology appointment to help sort out the extreme thoughts in my head.
I was lucky enough to get one for 5pm.
It was meant to be.
I didnāt want to write another post about feeling bad. Thereās always the fear that Iāll āslip backā into depression and that fear probably makes me feel worse.
Anyway. Last nightās session focused on self forgiveness and gave me the following affirmation to say every day.
āI am clear, I am defined and I am on my pathā.
Iāve felt so out of sorts recently with the burning desire to travel and a million reasons why it canāt be done. I felt trapped by the reality.
I see all these things saying life is short and yet I spend weekends doing nothing and going nowhere.
Hence the self forgivenessā¦.
As usualā¦. The session does the trick. I am exhausted but I feel so much more calm than I did when I went in.
I get myself into such a state at times. I was about to sayā¦ for no reasonā¦ but that actually not true. These days my mind screams at me when it doesnāt like somethingā¦.. I used to go about my day pleasing everyone else in the world, apart from myselfā¦. Yet these days something goes āuh oh, no way, not this again, stop right there, somethingās not right, here we go againā¦ā and the chatter is incessant.
The minute I figure out whatās actually causing itā¦.. calm.
So yeah, a much better mindset today.
Iām still really tired but no wonder as Iāve overthought so much there must have been 6 weeks worth of thinking in this one week.
Iāve got a wee half hour massage booked at Harmony in Beith tonightā¦.and I need it. Iāve built up so much tension and worked hard at the Fit Body Farm.
Not gonna lie. Itās over as fast as I can type that sentence. š¤·š»āāļøš¤£
It was amazing and I think I must have almost drifted offā¦. Need to do that more often. Norma works wonders. š
Weāve had a good week at work. Iāve just been battling negative thoughts and thatās made it so much harder.
Yeah shorts today, not my smartest moveā¦. Itās not been that warm and the heavens opened about 3.30pm and I got soaked when I left work and had to take parcels to the Post Office.
Funny though after Tough Mudderā¦. None of that actually matters. š
Iām back at Portencross (on the west coast of Scotland) sitting out on the rocks and itās the first time Iāve been here in ages.
Itās not massively warm, thereās a strong breeze blowing but the sun is promising a return.
Itās been a better day today but I needed my fix of the sea.
I felt really tearful when I woke this morning as my head was still not in a great place but I tried really hard to get myself out of it. I read thisā¦.
Thatās exactly itā¦. Every emotion is telling me something. I used to skid my way through life from one drama to the next swallowing it all down, plastered a great big smile on my face, tried to be everyoneās friend, put everyone first, drinking wine to try to cover it up and make me smile then on to eating Cadburyās Chocolate Buttons to do the same thing. š¤£
Yet now my emotions are screaming at me to face them. Head on. And just sit with them.
Itās a horrible feeling when you try to decide the cause of the upsetā¦. but it needs doing. Iāve always rushed to talk about everything so I get validation that itās right to feel the negative thoughtsā¦ itās justified.
I shouldnāt need to do that. I should be able to validate things myself.
I went into work with a much calmer head that yesterday.
The Universe whapped a few doozies at me first thing but I didnāt lose my shit. I felt calm and looked for resolution.
A guy just kayaked past me, donāt know who got more of a fright, him or me?! Iām right down by the water on the rocks and no one else is around!
Iāve had to come back up to the van as the wind didnāt let me find the peace that I needed. Sitting here now is really helping calm my mind.
Of course I still have way more photos to share.
My stomach is telling me itās time for food. It is 6.40pm after all.
Iāve made good food choices today and Iām still not pigging out on junk food, Iām opting for healthier options. Long may that continue.
Some arty van shotsā¦.. š¤£š¤£
A lovely lady sent me this today and I know it to be true.
The difficult days are sent to teach us more. As hard as they are.
The sun is out over my shoulder. I am present in the moment. No worries, no fears, no anger, just present and it feels so good.
It wasnāt actually. It was only tough in my head. Iāve been so unkind to myself all day, honestly, itās been relentless.
So letās be clearā¦. The reality is that I had a good day, very busy and the time flew, but all in all a good dayā¦ and I can actually see that quite clearly.
My evil anxiety brain will tell you otherwise. Honestly itās exhaustingā¦. From the minute I opened my eyes.
Why did I waste my weekend? Why was I so lazy, why didnāt I do x, y or z?
Gets to the Fit Body Farm and found it really tough this morning. Thatās ok, I just wasnāt feeling it this morning. Nopeā¦.. see, if youād done more at the weekend, youād have found that easier, serves you right. If youād eaten more nutritional food youād have more energyā¦. Everyone else is running fasterā¦ blah blah
Gets to workā¦.the boss man is on holiday this week at the same time as the guy who has all the answers to my questions š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£ this is not the end of the world, itās only a week, I know my stuff and Iām more than capable. Nopeā¦ā¦ what if, what if, what ifā¦.. how will you cope ifā¦. Youāll fall apart, youāll make the wrong decision, youāll never get it right. Whatever you do wonāt be the right thing.
It was really busyā¦. Lots of customers in. It was 1.30pm before I got lunch but I did take a full half hour and I even lay down in Abbie the camper van for a bit. That helped and I think I was kinder to myself in the afternoon.
I had so much to do, I should have stayed on but my head wasnāt focussed enough, it was caught up in my self created drama.
I almost feel like two people throughout these episodes now. I am so aware of how Iām sabotaging myself but just still canāt seem to stop doing it.
Some very wise words from my friend Tracey in Canadaā¦. I kept myself safe by being smallā¦. And now itās time to live large and fearless.
Wow. It feels very safe to feel small, quiet and hidden from view and very scary to live large and fearless.
Typing that has brought the tears. Hits nail on the head.
On the outside Iāve been all smiles and under control but on the inside fighting all of this negativity.
Anxiety sucks.
I created all of that by myself, for myself. Thereās no need for any of it.
A rude awakening this morningā¦. the dogs sleep in the bedroom above us. We have an old cottage and the upstairs rooms are not built for oor tall Craigie but perfect for puppers.
One of them was coughing and sounding like they were going to be sick. I admit to lying for a while, listening and thinking it would pass but there came a point when it sounded so horrific I had to run up.
I then woke Craig and we watched her struggle as if trying to be sick but she actually perked up after that, sheās eating and drinking and been for a good walk.
So yesā¦.. we went for a walk with Rachel and Nacho, two doors down this morning.
We may have nipped into our local coffee shop Mocha Jaks for a takeaway coffee!
Their flowers looked lovely against the dull, grey day.
It started to rain about now and has rained on and off again all day.
Calaidh standing in the burn waiting for something that never happened!
The flowers in our garden were looking lovely in the rain tooā¦ despite a dull day the colours are really vibrant.
So mood wise Iāve been better today. Iāve been tired but accepting of not doing much.
I did a meditation this afternoon with the focus on manifestation again. Iām really enjoying them.
We ended up on the pub for soup and a toastie at the back of 2 and I may have ordered the kids menu āParty Ice-creamā for dessert. (Think I manifested that?!? š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£)
It was really lovely and all part of not denying myself anything. We wonāt have dinner tonight. We wonāt move off the couch now I reckon š¤£š¤£š¤£
Calaidh is still having random coughing fits and all you do is pet her and be with her until it passesā¦.. this is signified by the moment she reaches for a beloved tennis ball and wants you to throw it. š¾š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£
With hindsight we think it might be kennel cough. Weāve listen to clips online that sound exactly like her cough. Poor poppet.
So all in all another really quiet day but made so much better by choosing it.
Iāve had a HUGE amount of travel show up todayā¦
Wow!
Okā¦. I hear ya!!
Pretty sure I definitely manifested all that!!
So thatās Sunday night againā¦. Hereās to an easy week with a calm and collected mind.
I had done 3 mini meditation and manifesting sessions before 7am this morningā¦. I woke at 5 and couldnāt get back to sleep so thought Iād put the time to good use!
I worked on the weight loss and manifestation of abundance and also cleared any negativity or trauma. (I sure seemed to pick that back up later on but heyā¦ I put it down for a few hours or soā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£)
We spent some time online this morning, looking to plan a trip somewhere for next summer, taking Craigās car and camping as we explore. Looking at Europe but will need to renew our passports before we can even think of doing that. They expired in April 2021 and there seemed no point in renewing them back then. Of course now, there are huge backlogs, so we will have to do it in plenty time at a cost of Ā£150 š¬
Itās been raining most of the day and while the ground really needs it, my mood has matched the sky. Despite a happy and mind clearing start to the day, I seem to have gathered my own storm clouds along the way.
We took the dogs out around lunchtime and I finally spotted some thistles growing at the side of the road.
Iāve seen a lot here over the years but there donāt seem to be many this year.
I love them so much. Funny how a thistle can make you happyā¦. Shoulda carried one of them around with me for the rest of the dayā¦. š¤·š»āāļøš
About 1pm I got back into bed and slept until 3.15pm. It was a great nap and I wasnāt disturbed by anythingā¦. Not a single squeak was heard from the pup monsters.
Iāve been working on the Village Hall accounts the rest of the afternoon. They didnāt add up again so I took it all out on them š they do now ācause I made themā¦. šš¼
So all in all that actually reads like a pretty perfect day.
So I will choose to be grateful for what I did do rather than all the other things I thought I should or would have.
Iām off to work on my crochet again! Hard life this eh?! I often think folk with kids must read this sometime and think that a day of nothing is their idea of heavenā¦. Where Iām feeling like it was a waste.
I love this š
Have a lovely SATURDAY evening everyoneā¦ I actually remembered the day today. š check me.
Iāve had a lovely day off today. The farm was a KILLER this morningā¦ but I loved it.
Two wordsā¦.. interval training.
Relentless. I honestly think itās the hardest Iāve ever worked.
There were only 8 of us there and we were running in a kind of relay so our team was depending on us. I donāt think Iāve ever run that fast. Or been that absolutely knackered!!
I came home and straight into the shower. My face was still beetroot and booming!!
We had to take Abbie the camper van to the garage this morning as she needed a new door hinge fittedā¦.. the bill was a lot less than the usual Ā£400 I seem to spend every other time sheās in there!
Iād opened the door in very strong winds on Tireeā¦. Knowing it was close to gale force so held onto the door and the wind took me with the doorā¦.. there was a sickening crack and that must have been the hinge breaking. I couldnāt figure it out at the time but from that point on, the door opened further than it should, so I knew something was wrong. Bhru had just been sick in the van and I was terrified at the thought of a very stormy ferry ride so it all just added to my stress that day!
Anyway, all fixed!
So itās been a day of dog walks and eating out. First walk with Holly and Leo next doorā¦ I took Freya and Bhruic and we went up the hill opposite the house.
Then I took Louise and Rachel from next door, to Mocha Jaks coffee shop, which is about a 20 minute walk from us.
Leo and Calaidh waiting for their doggy sausages
I chose the Avocado Toast which was really lovelyā¦.. ANDā¦. Didnāt finish both slices of toast. Unlike me!
The girls ordered cakes to take home and I didnāt get any. Check me. It didnāt take willpower, I just didnāt want one. I should say here that Mocha Jaks do the most amazing cakes!!
We walked back home and I hung up two washings and sat downā¦ I was shattered but I did some meditation and really enjoyed it, felt really relaxed after it so I then started on my crochet.
Craig came home and suggested the pub next door for food!!! Eating out twice in one day?!? So I have had more to eat today than I have in the last week but in still feel itās nothing compared to what I would usually eat on a weekend.
Iāve been crocheting all evening. Weāve The Grey Man on Netflixā¦ it was really good. Hence the late blog. š
We seem to be loading photos again. WordPress have been really helpful dealing with the issue but Iām still not really certain what caused it. Iām not adding many in tonight.. šš¤
Hope youāre all having a lovely Fridayā¦. Jeez I actually typed Sunday then deleted to Saturdayā¦. Itās still only Friday! Woo hoo.
Iāve had a lovely day off today. The farm was a KILLER this morningā¦ but I loved it.
Two wordsā¦.. interval training.
Relentless. I honestly think itās the hardest Iāve ever worked.
There were only 8 of us there and we were running in a kind of relay so our team was depending on us. I donāt think Iāve ever run that fast. Or been that absolutely knackered!!
I came home and straight into the shower. My face was still beetroot and booming!!
We had to take Abbie the camper van to the garage this morning as she needed a new door hinge fittedā¦.. the bill was a lot less than the usual Ā£400 I seem to spend every other time sheās in there!
Iād opened the door in very strong winds on Tireeā¦. Knowing it was close to gale force so held onto the door and the wind took me with the doorā¦.. there was a sickening crack and that must have been the hinge breaking. I couldnāt figure it out at the time but from that point on, the door opened further than it should, so I knew something was wrong. Bhru had just been sick in the van and I was terrified at the thought of a very stormy ferry ride so it all just added to my stress that day!
Anyway, all fixed!
So itās been a day of dog walks and eating out. First walk with Holly and Leo next doorā¦ I took Freya and Bhruic and we went up the hill opposite the house.
Then I took Louise and Rachel from next door, to Mocha Jaks coffee shop, which is about a 20 minute walk from us.
Leo and Calaidh waiting for their doggy sausages
I chose the Avocado Toast which was really lovelyā¦.. ANDā¦. Didnāt finish both slices of toast. Unlike me!
The girls ordered cakes to take home and I didnāt get any. Check me. It didnāt take willpower, I just didnāt want one. I should say here that Mocha Jaks do the most amazing cakes!!
We walked back home and I hung up two washings and sat downā¦ I was shattered but I did some meditation and really enjoyed it, felt really relaxed after it so I then started on my crochet.
Craig came home and suggested the pub next door for food!!! Eating out twice in one day?!? So I have had more to eat today than I have in the last week but in still feel itās nothing compared to what I would usually eat on a weekend.
Iāve been crocheting all evening. Weāve The Grey Man on Netflixā¦ it was really good. Hence the late blog. š
We seem to be loading photos again. WordPress have been really helpful dealing with the issue but Iām still not really certain what caused it. Iām not adding many in tonight.. šš¤
Hope youāre all having a lovely Fridayā¦. Jeez I actually typed Sunday then deleted to Saturdayā¦. Itās still only Friday! Woo hoo.
Jeez I am antsy as todayā¦. Didnāt sleep well for the second night in a row and woke up feeling a bit jittery. Not sure whyā¦.
I had huge plans for stuff to get down at work today and when I could see it wasnāt happening as planned, I think it only made me worse.
Iāll reiterate that this is only in my head and fully generated by me, myself and I.ā¦ tiresome isnāt it.
The stuff I didnāt get done can easily wait until next week and was not urgent. Just was in my strict plansā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš
Iām antsy at home too. I feel like Iām huffing and puffing all over the place, seeing the mess everywhere and not wanting to do anythingā¦. Except huff and puff.
I think I could do with a bit of meditation so Iāll try to make some time for that this morning.
Iāve been doing my evening visualisation for weight loss and itās still working. I am no longer ravenous for unhealthy sugary food. My appetite has totally changed in less than a week.
Tonight we had gammon steaks, potatoes and fried garlic mushrooms and it was really lovely. I wouldnāt have cooked that last week. I would have actually hated the thought of it.
Iāve had a few headaches this week but thatās hardly surprising as I was gorging on chocolate last week. š¤£š¤£
Soooo in order to calm my head thereās actually a meeting of 3/5 of the crochet hookers tonight. Iāll be thinking itās Thursday tomorrow. Iāll be all out of sorts š¤£š¤£
Iām hooking away! š§¶š§¶š§¶
You may have noticed the photos didnāt load in the blog last night well the same is happening tonight so Iāve taken them all out.
Iām in discussion with WordPress as Iāve just had to pay Ā£84 to renew my membership!! hope they can fix it soon!
Iāll make this quick todayā¦ Iām just waiting on Craig to get home from work.
Itās his 47th birthday today and Iāve been sending him a WhatsApp message every hour today since 6am talking through our life together with photos.
It got a bit stressful when I was too busy at work to manage the 3 and 4pm ones but to be fair I am there to work!!
I had the messages all ready to go in the Notes app on my phone. Just had to copy and paste and send.
We knew we would be together after the first week and the rest is history.
You all know it wouldnāt be a marriage if he didnāt drive me up the wall at times and of course, I, himā¦.. weāve had our tough times but also some amazing memories made over the years. Iāll just share a few photos to show the changing face of my hubby over the years.
We took my cousin Linda, from Australia, on a tour of Stirling Castleā¦ the guide pointed to him standing against the wall and said āyou donāt get more Scottish that this guy here!!ā
Thatās some statement isnāt itā¦.. hotter than 98.8% of the planet. Thankfully we had nowhere near that but poor mum and dad (along with millions of others obviously!) weāre stuck right in the thick of it.
It started late morningā¦ the weather in England hit a record breaking high.
And the highs just continued to come throughout the day.
And finallyā¦.
104.54F
I reckon we only had a big of 25Ā°C today at work but it was still super hot so canāt begin to imagine what 40.3Ā°C felt like.
It was all everyone spoke about when I was calling suppliers in England. Their fans were just blowing hot air around their offices! Ours was too but boss man bought us a Walls Calippo about 2.15pm today that was so good! Sooooo cold!
So really sadly there are huge fires in London today.
I actually cried when I saw this on tv tonight. Thereās footage of guys out in their back garden hosing down houses next door that are on fireā¦ desperately trying to stop the fire from reaching their own property.
Also the firefighters dealing with this unprecedented event and having to work in 40Ā°heat. My heart breaks for everyone who has lost their home today and been involved in some way. A tragic end to a record breaking day. š
My head hurtsā¦ itās 7.15pm and itās been a scorcher today and my head is thumping. Iām trying not to complain as we have nothing compared to down south but we are just not used to this.
Letās get this straight thoughā¦ I am a lover of the heatā¦ or I was until this spell. The last time I was in this kind of heat I was a lot thinner than I am nowā¦ and Iām just recovering from Covid so these could all be a factor.
Iāve been dragging myself like a dead weight all afternoonā¦.
My parents are still on holiday down south in their caravanā¦. Iām obsessed with checking their weather. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤£
Look at the grass beside their pitchā¦. Honestly itās crazy. Theyāve had 36Ā°C today (96.8Ā°F) and their forecast tomorrowā¦.
Up to 106Ā°F tomorrow. I was struggling to deal with 25 Ā°C today (77Ā°F).
And some politicians say global warming isnāt a thingā¦. š³š„µ
I should also say here that we donāt have aircon as a rule hereā¦ itās just not something we need. Or neededā¦. I bet it will become a thing in future if this weather becomes a normal occurrence.
Anyway my obsession with it is giving me the headache. I need to get a life š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£š¤£
It was warm at the Farm this morning even although the workout was less cardio driven.
The sky at 5.30am
It was a beautiful morning.
My black van had attracted the heat all dayā¦ Iāve a wee interior thermostat in the van.
It was hot when I left!
I had a lovely wee trip out before dinner to look after a friends bunnies as they are on holiday. Wee cutie piesā¦ I was there for about an hour taking a million photos!
There were so cute running around like maddies. Having a wee crazy hour!!
It was lovely to be able to help and I really enjoyed it.
In other positives I tackled an issue that was bugging me this morning that is only an issue because I made it one.
I found this on FB today and it was just what I needed to see.
You are what you choose to become in this moment. Do not allow an event to control your thoughts. Let it go, move on and begin again.
Mum saw this today and it sums it up!!
I always end with stay safe everyone but I mean it even more. To everyone facing that heat tomorrow and especially my mum and dad.
I woke at 4.30amā¦. Wide awake in my big empty double bed. I blame the lovely Gro Coffee yesterday as I forgot to ask for decafā¦. Again š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£
I read for a bit and fell back to sleep until 8.15am when I thought I better rescue Bhruic and Freya from their ivory towerā¦.. they hadnāt made a sound all night. I went upstairs to bring them down and theyād had the big light on in their room. š”š±
I felt so badā¦. Trying to sleep in bright light must have been torture.
How lovely is this?
To be fair, theyāve been fine all day so it obviously didnāt deprive them of sleep.
I let them out and then we lay in bed for a while and readā¦ ok I lay in bed while the pestered the life out of me to get up!
They lay outside while I had my coffee and watched this pigeon walk around the garden like it owned the place. They never moved until it flapped and flew away which caused great excitement.
We went for a walk with Holly, Leo and Nacho. Team Cockapoo vs Team Border Collie!
Itās really close today. The sun wasnāt out but it was T-shirt weather for the dog walk.
The crazy heat is still coming.
What we are expecting in Ayrshire is nothing compared to down south of England where Mum and Dad are.
41Ā° and 42Ā°C in there (up to 107Ā°F for my Fahrenheit friends!!)
It seems Australia are also having recorded breaking cold spellsā¦..
The blog has turned into a forecast again eh?!?
So apart from the dog walk todayā¦ I have done nothing else! Iāve sat in the hazy sun and read a whole book.
Craig and Calaidh were home by 12pm and have had a great time but missed me sooooo much I heard them say. š
Iāve been working on some meditation this weekend. Convincing my body that it does not need all the sweet sugary things itās been craving.
Iāve downloaded The Gabriel Method – the revolutionary diet free way to totally transform your body. (Howās that for a sales pitch?!?)
I know Iām easily impressionable these days but after 4 nights listening to the 10 minute free meditation, I really find it helping my food choices already. Itās taken away the crazy, crazy urge for sugar which has got to help.
Actually thatās very unfair of me to sayā¦. Easily impressionableā¦. Belittling myselfā¦.I mean that I am proudly in tune with my energies so Iām able to fully believe that this is possible. Just have to make the meditation part of my daily routine and stick with it.
Iāve taken a lot on board this week about me causing my own anxiety and Iām trying to turn things around by manifesting the good stuff rather than constantly bringing the bad.
Iād you donāt change anything then nothing ever changes.
Dinner miraculously appeared from Holly in the pub tonightā¦. So lovely and almost like she knew I never had much in. I ate the steak, mushroom and onion in red wine gravy with the turnip mash. A few days ago Iād have scoffed the lot them been looking for dessertā¦ long may this continue.
So Sunday night already. Iāve had a lovely āemptyā weekend but itās been lovely to have them back. The gang are all back together again.
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Hereās to a beautiful week of sunshine for us Scots and some scary heat for my lovely friends and family in England.
Stay cool and hydrated.
If you want to change one thing this weekend then practise daily gratitudeā¦. Every night before you go to bedā¦ just 3 things to be grateful for. Even if they seem silly at the time and make you smile at their ridiculousnessā¦.. if thatās even a word. Itās good to go to bed only something positive.
Letās start with last night, I had a lovely dinner with Claire and Graeme.
We sat outside until 8ish and was getting much cooler by then.
I came home, jammies on and watched Persuasion on Netflix. A good girly movie for when youāre having a quiet night in! I didnāt get to bed until 11pm but CLEAN SHEETSā¦. Yay!!
Up this morning, made coffee and porridge and off out with the puppers. Itās much cooler today.
So many thistle like flowers are appearing now.
I threw a ball for them until they were knackered!
I came home, had my shower and got bags of clothes ready to take to the charity shop down in Irvine.
Now hereās a huge anxiety of mineā¦.. Wait for it as itās right out there with the crazy anxietiesā¦ I hate taking things to charity in case they donāt want itā¦ yeah you heard that right. I assume they are gonna be annoyed with the amount that I take in and think that I shouldnāt take so much.
Loopy. š«£
What if I canāt get parked close to the shop? What if itās really busy on Saturday? What if I canāt park the van in the narrow space? What if I hit something? Should I take the stuff in first or check they are taking donations first? What if they are annoyed at me??? (Oh my god why on earthā¦. But itās my fearā¦)
So. Guess what? I got parked pretty close, it wasnāt busy, they take donations, they were really lovely (as any other person would expect them to be) and I am 9 bags of clothes lighter.
Done.
Easy as that.
Iāve been meaning to do this for maybe about 6 months and every week does I say next weekend and then stress that I didnāt do it. š¤¦š»āāļø
Surprisingly pretty damn proud of myself for finally facing it. š„³š¤£
I then went to meet my Auntie Marion and Gordon for lunch! Theyād been over this way twice in the last few weeksā¦ the first week I suspected I may have covid so cancelled. The second week I actually did have covid and I messaged and said shame they werenāt over this weekend as I was freeā¦. And they came all the way over specially!!
We went to Gro Coffee in Irvine . If you havenāt been before click the link and check out their menu. I just love it there!
I had the breakfast taco š®
It was amazing. The flavours bursting with every bite.
We did notā¦ repeatā¦ not have any cakes. Check us!!
We went for a wander along the harbour after lunch, it was quite warm.
Now this is a large dandelionā¦. So random but looking lovely.
A guy behind us stopped to take a photo too! The most, if not only, photographed dandelion in Irvine.
The tide was right in which was lovely.
We sat right here for a wee while admiring the view.
The beach was pretty busy. When the tides right in it seems so small but there were loads of folk down there today and in the sea.
I came back up the road and sat and read for a bit and now Iām watched another Netflix movieā¦ The Best of Me.
Iām so tired after all that sea air. Will be an early night tonight and Craigās home tomorrow.
Heās having a great time.
He better not mess the house up with his camping gear when he comes home.
An empty in Scotland is an excuse for a partyā¦ it usually means your parents are away when youāre a teenager so you can get all your mates round for a seshā¦..
She who doth not drink and craves solitude sees this as the oppositeā¦ a chance to squirrel away, sit in silence, preferably in the sunshine obviously, with the two puppers I have left. Bhruic and Freya.
And relaxā¦
Craig is away to and Overland Bound weekend and it was either we all go and try to manage 3 dogs around everyone else or I stay home and he takes Calaidh. So Calaidh is away on her holidays.
I went back to the Fit Body Farm this morning. There were only 5 of us today and it was raining but the rain was really refreshing. After Tough Mudder any rain is nothing. š¤£
I can straight home and took Calaidh out for a walk so Craig could finish packing. I have her a good run so sheās tired out for the drive. It was really murky and misty.
Coo!
You can see the cloud hanging over the Garnock Valley.
There are raindrops hanging from all the roadside weeds.
Thought this grass looked really atmospheric
Calaidh thought it was tasty!
As usual I took loads of photosā¦.
This wee guy sat still while we walked past. No fear of Calaidh.
This next wee cutie was terrified of Calaidh and she was determined to find it!!!
Back home and saw Craig and a wet and soggy Calaidh off.
I then did the housework and got the house just as I want it for the weekend and then took Bhruic and Freya out. No pics as I met my neighbours so ended up chatting. By this time the sun is thinking about coming out.
Iāve done 4 loads of washing. Itās 3pm and the sheets are already back on the bed. This is the best drying day ever. Sunny and windyā¦ I hate the wind but Iām allowing it for today. Iām using a new fabric softener so the washing smells lovely.
I must talk about the weather as the UK is experiencing an unprecedented heat wave and the following shows the temperature expected next week.
My lovely mum and dad are in a caravan right about where the 40 isā¦.. š„š„š„
We are expected to hit 26Ā°C on Tuesday which is pretty unheard of for us. I will be spending that mostly in a metal portacabin down in Dundonaldā¦ā¦ š„š„š„
I would just like to point out that I just found out how to do the Ā° symbol todayā¦ my life is complete š¤£š¤£š¤£
Our summer has been pretty dreadful so itās nice to see some heat coming. I just hope that Mum and Dad stay as cool as they can and that everyone is safe.
There is no denying global warming despite what some politicians try to tell us.
Sorry have to goā¦. Another washing playing a tune demanding attention!
Iāve had Claire into the garden for a cuppa and I managed to negotiate a lovely dinner in her house since Iām on my own. To be fair, I didnāt do any negotiatingā¦. I just had to say yes!
Thanks to my lovely friend Anne for this next one. Iām gonna do this all weekend.
Didnāt sleep well last night so yawned for half the morning today. Soooooo sleepy!
I got into a task at work that I really enjoyed so felt I really achieved something today which was good.
We ended up at Decathlon after work today as Craig needed a new camp bed as heās going away for the weekend and leaving meā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤£ how many times have I gone away and left him?!? It was a nice wee random trip out on a Thursday. Why is it Decathlon is the kind of place that you feel you canāt live without every single thing that they sell (apart from the football and horsey stuff!) I am proud to say I bought nothing.
We were up close to Braehead Shopping Centre in Glasgow so we popped to Ernest Jones the jeweller to speak to them about my engagement ring diamond which has slipped from its setting for a third time.
Now Iāve obviously had my engagement ring for a good old while nowā¦.. the stone was sat at an angle for years and years and years before I did anything about it. I paid Ā£175 in 2019 and Ā£188 in 2021, to have it reset and itās gone again.
Itās the hardest thing in the world to walk away from your engagement ring and leave it with someone elseā¦.. but I did. Again š±š±š±š±š±š±š±
Anywayā¦. Iāve been a lot less emotional today. I feel like I at the next stage of my healing journey where I have to stop playing the victim and take some responsibility for why I am where I am right now.
It is all in my head.
I manifest my anxiety. I create the whirlwind, tornado of emotion all by myself.
I have a lovely friend on FB who I have never metā¦. Cheryl-Lynnā¦. She lives in the States and was a huge part of my early sober journey and we āmetā in the After Dry January FB group that Iām admin for. Sheās on a very similar journey to me.
She posted some clangers today that hit me between the eyesā¦..
Wowā¦.. itās painful but itās so true šNow I do check myself at timesI think Iām pretty good with boundaries now I still have a fair ways to go with this one
I create my anxiety.
I create my own stress.
Iām laughing here as some of you are probably having a wee chuckle thinking no shit Sherlockā¦ sheās finally sussed it. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£
I can choose not to. š¤š³š¤Ø
I took a huge intake of breathe there as Iām still not sure how to actually do thisā¦.. but I need to work at it and stop being the victim.
I need to distract myself, I need to breathe when I feel it coming on.
Iāve known all of this a long time but I finally realise my responsibility to fix it. No one else is going to.
I feel a bit down about various things just now. All within my own ability to change.
Big sigh again but takes bull by the horns and says letās ride this waveā¦.. ?!?!?! That made me laugh, what a load of twaddle.
Yup you guessed it, a day of thought kind of means it wasnāt all rosy in the garden and full of joyā¦ š
I was late in bed last night (for me!) and I dreamt I was off to auditions that I hadnāt prepped for and everyone else seemed to have rehearsed and knew what was happening. I was wandering around in fear that I didnāt know what they did and how would I cope. Their fancy dress was almost way better than mineā¦ā¦ š³
So where on earth did they come from?!?! Maaaaaaaaybe kinesiology?
I usually feel very calm and relaxed afterwards but this session has shunted me into a period of self reflection. No one ever said healing was pleasant. Itās a hard bumpy rideā¦
One of the focus points last night was on two wordsā¦. Translucent and miserable.
Translucent slaps me in the face. I write a daily blog therefore my life is translucent. Everyone (if they chose to) can see how I feel on a daily basisā¦. Why do I do this?!?!
Well first of all I wanted to help others see that not everyoneās life is as it seems on social media but Iāve talked about that beforeā¦.. what I have realised over last night and this morning is that I need to get this out there so that I can manage other peopleās expectations of meā¦..
Now letās think that throughā¦. First of allā¦ who are these others I talk of?!? Just everyone reallyā¦. Secondly, why would anyone have expectations of me?? Am I that important? Noā¦.Even if they did why am I so worried about what their expectations are??
I use the blog as as tool to manage my anxiety. If you know how sensitive and fragile I am then you will treat me with kid gloves and make my life easier. You wonāt put obstacles in my way and I wonāt be letting anyone down because you will all understand.
That is the actual reason that I started writing this blog. Wow.
I am trying to manage my daily interactions in life at the highest level possible.
When you have anxiety you imagine every single scenario that could happen, but most likely will never happenā¦. Iāve noticed at work recently I am struggling to make decisions as I can imagine everything that might go wrong with every decision I make. Iām second guessing myself all the time. I trust othersā judgement way more than my own.
Why do I have such a bad opinion of myself? Where did it come from and why do I need everyone to know exactly how i am feelingā¦. Yet equally try to hide from the world when Iām out there.
Now thatās gonna take a lot more work.
I am way happier with myself than I have ever been. I feel like Iām finally back to my true authentic self. I donāt hide anything any more.
Uh ohā¦ā¦ yupā¦. I canāt argue with that. I am choosing to see anxiety in everything I do.
Thatās feels unfair as I feel physical symptoms at times but I do know that itās created in my own head. Doomsday. āWe worry about the day we never sawā. i have to learn to look for the alternative.
What is so wrong with me that I feel the need to apologise to everyone in advance. Iāve also been shovelling sweet junk food recently trying to cheer myself up for something thatās not sitting right with me.
Jeez I am hard work and itās no wonder I get tired. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤£
When I walk the dogs I am constantly analysing the path in front of me for other people or dogsā¦. I have a radar. I do not relax.
EXACTLY the same in my day to day life. A radar out detecting potential threats that may knock me off course or upset me. I am trying to control every aspect of my life.
My head has been in a tailspin today. overthinking, analysing, worryingā¦. And itās made me pretty sad. Iāve felt quite miserable at timesā¦. Thereās the link to Translucent and Miserable. š³
I realise most of this might sound crazy but it all makes so much sense to me.
Itās no wonder I used to knock back the vino after a day in my head. I now have to sit with it, mull it over and journal of it to make some sense of it to allow me to heal from it. itās not funā¦. But without it I wonāt change anything. If change was easy, everyone would do it.
I really need to learn not to put myself down quite so muchā¦
Thanks for reading this farā¦. š¤·š»āāļø Iām off to meet the Crochet Hookers with a T-shirt on that says
Itās 7.11pm and Iāve not sat down yetā¦ this will have to be a quickie. š
Of course I lay awake for hours waiting on work and I was fine! so much for taking it easy thoughā¦. šš¤£
Home for 4.30pm and into the village pub for 5pm celebrating 15 years of our lovely friends owning it!
Craig said yesterday that I keep talking about neighbours and of course our neighbours are actually very good friends nowā¦. He has a very good point!
This photo shows our own private view of the pub from our garden.
Itās 7.15 now and Iāve just spent a few lovely hours in the beer garden catching up with everyone. It was really lovely and unexpected on a Tuesday night. Iāve no photos as I was too busy eating š poor Craig is working and missed it!
Itās a lovely evening. Itās still warm and it was nice to put something a bit smarter on than the jammies Iāve been living in the last few days.
Itās so lovely to feel better. ā„ļø
The roses look beautiful in the sunshine
Now I have online Kinesiology at 7.30 so Iām sitting outside writing like fury as I throw balls for el doggos! They need a good run around before I shut them in the house again.
Better dash, got 2 minutes till my zoom meeting starts.
The Rambling Sloth š¦„ 