Boy today was tough….

It wasn’t actually. It was only tough in my head. I’ve been so unkind to myself all day, honestly, it’s been relentless.

So let’s be clear…. The reality is that I had a good day, very busy and the time flew, but all in all a good day… and I can actually see that quite clearly.

My evil anxiety brain will tell you otherwise. Honestly it’s exhausting…. From the minute I opened my eyes.

Why did I waste my weekend? Why was I so lazy, why didn’t I do x, y or z?

Gets to the Fit Body Farm and found it really tough this morning. That’s ok, I just wasn’t feeling it this morning. Nope….. see, if you’d done more at the weekend, you’d have found that easier, serves you right. If you’d eaten more nutritional food you’d have more energy…. Everyone else is running faster… blah blah

Gets to work….the boss man is on holiday this week at the same time as the guy who has all the answers to my questions 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 this is not the end of the world, it’s only a week, I know my stuff and I’m more than capable. Nope…… what if, what if, what if….. how will you cope if…. You’ll fall apart, you’ll make the wrong decision, you’ll never get it right. Whatever you do won’t be the right thing.

It was really busy…. Lots of customers in. It was 1.30pm before I got lunch but I did take a full half hour and I even lay down in Abbie the camper van for a bit. That helped and I think I was kinder to myself in the afternoon.

I had so much to do, I should have stayed on but my head wasn’t focussed enough, it was caught up in my self created drama.

I almost feel like two people throughout these episodes now. I am so aware of how I’m sabotaging myself but just still can’t seem to stop doing it.

Some very wise words from my friend Tracey in Canada…. I kept myself safe by being small…. And now it’s time to live large and fearless.

Wow. It feels very safe to feel small, quiet and hidden from view and very scary to live large and fearless.

Typing that has brought the tears. Hits nail on the head.

On the outside I’ve been all smiles and under control but on the inside fighting all of this negativity.

Anxiety sucks.

I created all of that by myself, for myself. There’s no need for any of it.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️