It’s a year to the day since I was let go from full time employment.

I was bloody good at my job. I’m very driven, I gave my life to my work and still believe it’s probably the reason we never had kids. It was all or nothing for me. I wanted to change the world. As a people pleaser it was probably not the best industry for me to be in. I fell into manufacturing during my year out in industry at University. Every job thereafter follows the same path as that’s where your experience lies. You don’t realise that anything else is possible.

I like to think I made a difference to manufacturing but it made a huge difference to me and changed my life.

On Monday 4th September 2018 I fell apart. Honestly I’d been in pieces for a long time before that but on this particular day the tears would not stop.

I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t put on the mask. I couldn’t pretend it was ok. I worked for management that demanded results and I managed a team of people that struggled daily with everything that was thrown at us. New computer systems causing more errors than not, customers demanding new variants in lead times that were impossible to achieve.

I suppose looking back it was always going to happen. Trying to please everyone. Everyone except myself. I came last.

Sadly when you are off with mental health, very few people contact you. I guess they are scared to say the wrong thing. It’s not like breaking a leg. There’d be cards, flowers, banter. Going off sick with anxiety and depression is hush-hush. People disappear of the face of the earth. People you spoke to every day, people you thought were good friends. Nothing. Society drives this nervous, uncomfortable approach to anyone that “has bother with their nerves”. I don’t believe it’s out of badness.

When a message does come through it’s the best feeling ever. Someone had thought of you, remembered you. You must count after all but the feeling doesn’t last long.

I quickly realised that I had to drive my own recovery. I’ve said before that’s the hardest thing ever when you’re at the lowest point in your life. Without that drive to get better, nothing would have changed. I was letting everyone down…. or so I thought.

After counselling and Kinesiology sessions, I found the strength to return after 14 weeks. I was no longer the golden girl. I dropped right off the radar and was no longer eligible to attend the Senior Management Conference. The biggest kick in the teeth ever. Announced on a conference call like it was nothing.

I lasted until the end of May 2019. I tried, I really did. By now I was convinced I was no-one. Nothing made me think otherwise. I always knew that time off sick would ruin my career and it did.

My post became redundant in January 2020 and my contract terminated on 28th February 2021.

And what a year it has been…… none of us amines what was coming. How could we ever have guessed??

Claire and I had a lovely evening at the fire pit last night. I made a cheese toastie for dinner in my Ridge Monkey toastie maker and some apple turnover type thing. That didn’t quite work and came out a bit of a mess but tasted good!

Craig went to a gig last night lockdown styley… The Bluetones played online and he said it was really good…. and I didn’t have to go and pick him up!!

So here I am today. Still beating myself up for everything, still my worst critic, still not appreciating how far I’ve actually come.

I’m lying on the couch on a crocheted blankets covered by a 2nd crochet blanket and it does make me laugh at how colourful my life has become.

This morning we finally decided to put Jeepey McJeepface up for sale. We pulled together the details of all the extras and got it up on Autotrader. Tick in the box!

We then “attended” the virtual Camping and Caravanning show. For the last few years we’ve gone to the SECC with our neighbours Jim and Fiona and it’s been a great excuse to have a lovely wee lunch out. Not today…. the virtual show was a good idea but mainly links to websites of the companies that chose to be involved. So we kinda “did” the show in about 20 minutes.

I’ve not moved off the couch since.

I think it’s pretty simple. I’m really tired. I feel exhausted. I don’t have any real reason to be…. but I am.

As an aside… Craig just brought through some Manchego Cheese, Sundried Tomato and Green Olive pitta chips….. I reached out to take one and he says “now… one at a time and breathe in between them”…. he knows me too well 😆🤦🏻‍♀️🙄🤣

I am so frustrated in my exhaustion as I think I should be making better use of my time. I should be walking, should be eating healthy, should be, should be.

It’s only 1.30pm and I’m going to publish the blog early today. I don’t plan on doing to much else. I am going to accept that this is enough.

I’ve already eaten 10 pitta chips.

He’s not looking so won’t know.

I did breathe in between them.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Boy am I in a grump today?! I’m trying so hard not to be but I feel like a kid in a strop with a petted lip.

I didn’t wake up until 8.37am so my first thought was “usually done about 5K steps by now” rather than what a lovely sleep and a lovely long lie. Which it was.

And you don’t wanna be doing that?!? Of course I read this as “chins” and smiled. Another kick to myself there.

So it was one of those days where nothing quite went right and yet good did come out of it. Craig decided to tidy, clean and pressure wash the patio today. He HATES those slabs with a vengeance but we have to make do with what we have for now.

We couldn’t find a hose connector that I can pretty much picture sitting on every shelf and in every cupboard in the house. Could we find it?! No….. and I’m grumpy anyway… end up pulling everything out the kitchen cupboards as it needs cleaned anyway….

I have again been “without Ruth” end thrown out so many things that we just weren’t using. So the plus point today is that all the lower cupboards having been gutted. My head says to tell you it was only one side of the kitchen as I didn’t manage to do the whole lower kitchen. Another self kick…

I decided at one point to head up to B&M stores to pick up some large plastic baskets to make the cupboards more organised. Put the van in reverse and turned to pull out the car park and heard a sickening crack…. some neighbours came over but it would appear the big wheels on the van have taken out some of the wheel arch.

Now…… I’ve known since I got them that they were a bit too big. I can’t get full lock… I knew that. I was ignoring that in the hope it would all get better. The size of wheels sold to me are meant to fit my van.

Came back into the house and called the wheel company. Obviously there is nothing that they are really going to do given that they are down south. They did reiterate that those wheels and tyres should fit my van. They suggested it had been lowered….. now I don’t think it has but I now need to get a garage to check. They also recommended trying a good camper van conversion company as they would help. Shame my conversion company aren’t answering me right now…… still waiting on the reversing camera to be booked in for investigation and repair or replacement. Not happy. Petted lip. Mini tantrum.

So I have been on my feet and knees all day (stop it….) and have done a mere 1,575 steps so I’m also annoyed at that.

It’s now 3.15pm and only just ate about half an hour ago. Think I was “hangrey”. I’ve sat down to write the to calm myself down.

I dragged myself out a walk with Bhruic. We went up to the site of the old Treane House which is sadly now a landfill site but there’s still a decent walk round about it.

So now I am having a nap. I have actually come through to bed. This nap is serious.

I did not sleep….. never mind. I rested.

To be fair I’m cooking cheese toasties and apple jaffles not quite cordon bleu…. most importantly Claire is here for the evening banishing Craig back indoors!!

So very, very true.

Stay safe everyone 🔥🔥🔥

Thought that might make you laugh… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I’m still making the most of lockdown and I’ve done loads today but things have been sent to try us and it’s just a question of breathing through it all and not letting it blow out of proportion.

So another sunrise walk with Bhruic and Freya and close to 8k steps done before 9am.

Home for a coffee and a shower before my wee homeschooler popped in. Just for an hour today and she drew a picture of a Fairtrade super hero banana and made up a menu of Fairtrade food. Way easier than yesterday!

While she was working I got all the dog blankets into the washing machine and herein lies the first issue….. the washing machine drum is making a rasping noise when it spins. I’ve looked it up and am thinking that the bearings are away. It’s super noisy and has been for a week or so. Don’t think there’s anything it in as the drum alone makes a noise now.

So worst case scenario… new washing machine….. ok….

After Rachel left I decided to walk into Beith to the post office as have Auntie Margaret’s crochet blanket ready to go. A few other things too. All packed up and set off with Calaidh puppa.

I got to the Beith Bypass…. (well this field above is right next to the road) when I remembered I didn’t have a mask with me. The first time I’ve been caught out without a mask. Not even a buff… our post office is way in the back of a shop so I couldn’t just stand with my arm over my mouth…. so suck up that little teensy weensy tiny bit of damn frustration and head back home via Spiers School Grounds. 😬😬😬

Not sure I’ve mentioned before but we also own a house in Kilmarnock which is rented out. Sadly it’s in negative equity as a result of the property decline about a decade or so ago. So we rent it out…. and if I’m honest…. pretty much forget it exists.

The letter today is from some official agency suggesting our tenant is looking for council housing. 😱

That usually adds a fair bit of stress to life as we’ve often had unfortunate tenants so have enjoyed having the same one for about 4 years. We don’t know she is moving out yet. It’s just a kick in the gut reminder that we will need to sort that all out. But that’s ok….

I put my wheels and tyres up for sale today… got them all cleaned up and photogenic like and Craig has been polishing the Jeep to get it up for sale.

I’m up at over 15k steps now and am suddenly very tired. For the first time in a very long time I felt too tired to write the blog. I feel a bit down about the things that didn’t go our way today but I feel pretty shattered trying to look at it all positively.

We have Gateside Inn takeaway coming tonight so don’t even have to cook.

I never made it back to the Post Office but I will.

The washing machine will be what will be. The tyres will sell. The Jeep will sell and we’ll deal with Kilmarnock whatever happens. I’ve not fallen apart in the way I would have before which is huge progress. We can handle anything that gets thrown at us.

Just after a nap…..

Stay safe everyone 😴😴😴

At 6.03pm my puppy call asked to push out to 6.30pm. At 6.09pm my puppy call asked to reschedule to another day.

All showered and hair washed with perfume and a wee bit of eyeliner and lipgloss. All ready to go. Reviewing content… zoom call went live at 5.50pm.

These things happen. I was annoyed at the delay, shocked and floored by the cancellation until I allowed my mind to process it and “stand down”. I was a coiled spring ready to go that didn’t know what to do. Craig said this happened to him once when he was outside someone’s house!!!

So after about a half hour of giving it way more energy than I should have we settled down to Gastronfish and chips from Morrison’s with Erdinger Alchol free, watching Superstore which is our new binge recommended by Claire and I crocheted 3 more squares.

The following quote on change is exactly what I was wanted for yesterday’s blog.

Instead of being bored through lockdown and eating like there no tomorrow, I need to make the decision to change. I haven’t fully made that decision. I’ve mentioned it so many times in the past but I want to be a bit fitter by summer. I need to let go of my comfort zone.

I should say here that it’s 7.16am…. 😳😆🤣

I’m helping with some home schooling this morning and my pupil arrives at 8.30am…. wee Rachel next door says Thursday is a difficult day as we have lots to do. I smile sweetly and say it will all be fine while secretly freaking out inside. I remember back to last lockdown where I had to help her with a 24 hour clock lesson….. Should be easy and straightforward…. you’d think….. 😳 it wisnae 😱

So Bhruic and Freya walk before home schooling…. check me….

If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time you’ll know I have a passion for taking photos. It’s all just with an iPhone but I’m not sure I can even explain how it makes me feel. Any tension or stress just flows right out of me and I feel so blown away by the beauty.

Now don’t get me wrong…. I hear myself here. I hear the flowery lah-de-dah- ness of it all…. I think if I was reading it I would think jeezo pet get over yourself, get a life. I’m just saying it how it is. this is my new life and I bloody love it.

Now I’m helping with sums…. addition, subtraction, multiplication and division…. lockdown has just taken on a whole new meaning for me. It’s so lovely to spend time with the wee one and we’ve not seen her much at all since the craziness began. It’s interesting to see her take on life. She works off and iPad and sends photos of everything she completes. It’s actually quite humbling to watch and she’s using lots of words I’ve never heard of…. 😆

So I’ve been really super productive today. Should say first of all that concentration on crochet whilst home-schooling does not quite work. My new squares are all 6 times round the square…. I’ve done one today that was 7 and had to rip it back…. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’ve done some Pawsitive Solutions work and updated the village hall accounts. Then came the text we have all been waiting for…

And then….. never start a sentence with and…. I took Calaidh for a walk with Claire to the Co-op.

I’ve had a lovely day today and been so lucky to see sunrise and sunset. I’m up at 15,546 steps again.

I’m making the most of the lockdown we have left until I’m too tired…. but for now I’m rocking it!

Crochet for me tonight!

Stay safe everyone 🌅🌤🌇

Who knew?!? All the 3’s…. day 333… 333 since Craig and I first went into lockdown for COVID-19. 333 days…. it gets longer the more I think about it! It’s no wonder we are all going slightly stir crazy.

So I think I mentioned yesterday that we had some new announcements in Scotland.

We’ve no idea really what this means for Dog Behaviourists but I hope that more information will be available soon.

All I know is that yesterday I felt like there was no send in sight as the end just got further away. So…… you can chose to wallow in it and feel sad and depressed or chose to take it on….

Not gonna lie… the first walk was the worst. Bhruic walked perfectly and all in all it was a lovely walk. I just didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be home sitting drinking coffee…. sitting at home a size 12 of course and herein lies the issue. Lazing around will not a size 12 get. (Awright Yoda….)

Taking the photos is the only thing that made the walk worthwhile. I trudged with every single step. So p*d off that I have so much weight to lose and I have to be out here trudging around. Almost like a kid having a paddy-whack in my head!

Back home and told Craig how awful the walk felt and he said that if it was easy everyone would do it. Very true. So I’m still livid with myself for forcing myself to walk but off I go out again this time with Calaidh.

At the start of this walk I messaged my Auntie Jac as she has got super fit through lockdown… I told her how bloody awful I was feeling and she phoned straight away. She told me that going out for a walk despite being determined not to…. that’s where true change happens. When you challenge yourself to do something that is outside your comfort zone and you really don’t want to do but you get out of bed and just do it.

By the end of Calaidh’s walk I had a spring in my step.

It’s all about the mindset.

So back home for breakfast (which I tracked in My Fitness Pal) and then off out for the third walk of the day with Freya.

By this time it’s just after 11 and I am knackered!!! 14,010 steps done and I may not move for the rest of the day.

Had a shower and washed my hair as I have a puppy zoom call tonight at 6pm.

I got the best pressie through the post from Mum…..

Love the colours!!! It’s need to decide what to do with it now.

So I’ve had a lovely wee pottering afternoon. I’ve written this, I’ve ordered some new mats for the van, I’ve ordered some new walking boots and I’ve crocheted my squares. Also forgot to say I’m back learning Spanish again with Duolingo so I learned how to say that my brother is very intelligent today!

The Kinesiology films are up on FB now so I’ll try to add a link in for anyone who wants to find out what on earth it is and how it works?! Shelagh did a great job in her explanations.

Link to Kinesiology videos

If you click on the link and scroll down past the welcome videos you will see what’s loaded up so far…. the first one is how kinesiology works and the second is monitoring muscle response. Yours truly with her dulcet tones 🙋🏻‍♀️

I have my puppy zoom call at 5pm and it’s 4.40pm now. Need to make myself presentable and get prepared.

Remember that this time is what we make it and I’ve had some really tough days in lockdown but let’s make the most of what we have left as we might never get time in the house like this again.

You can punch me later…

Stay safe everyone 🐶🐶🐶

Yesterday was wall to wall sunshine and today…. this…

I’m so grateful for the sun yesterday and taking time to sweep up in the garden. Didn’t get the tents up for sale but there will be another day….

I had so many photos to share yesterday that I forgot to say when I was down at the beach with Bhruic, Claire next door came and asked Craig if Freya could come out to play and she took her for a walk! I had mentioned in a text that I hadn’t walked Freya yet thinking nothing of it. How lovely is that?!?

I think Freya is secretly the favourite as she has a purple harness and Auntie Claire has purple hair when she can get to a hairdresser.. 💜

So I reckon I will share some more of yesterday’s pics too… a reminder of what a difference a day makes!

While I was standing here I heard some really bad news about someone who had committed suicide leaving 4 children behind from ages 8 to 18. She struggled with alcohol addiction… it’s her mum that I know. Devastating for them all. I don’t know the girl but I will always remember her here on Portencross beach. Such a sad story butt at least she is now at peace. 💔

I slept ok last night, very bizarre dreams about all my old jobs rolled into one. Bosses from the last place visiting suppliers from the first job.. that kind of thing. So up at 8 and tidied the kitchen then had a wee online filming session with my kinesiologist. She’s making some films to post on her FB page explaining how online Health Kinesiology works. It went really well and I actually enjoyed it and forgot she was recording!

I then had dog behavioural calls to make and out of 3 only got one to answer! Yesterday in the sunshine, everyone wanted to chat… today in the horrific monsoon outside… everyone was busy 😆🤣

I’ve also done some village hall treasury work today too. Getting the accounts in order and paying some bills. a successful businessy type day!

I’m now sitting with my feet up crocheting watching Indiana Jones and the last crusade. There’s a bit covid announcement in a Scotland today but all I heard was that the economy won’t open up until end of April which means lockdown restrictions until then.

I’m so tired of lockdown but I’m determined to try to enjoy it for what it is. I’m taking the rest of the day off. I’m tired.

But that is ok….

Stay safe everyone 😴😴😴

I’m writing this at 9.27am as my head is all over the place and I think it will help.

I am so breathless….. I have a list of things I’d like to do today but I want to do them all by about 10am which is ridiculous.

Just because I said I sleep amazingly well all the time, I had a bad nights sleep last night, my brain seems very antsy. To try and get back to sleep I tried to breathe in to the count of 3 and back out for 5. I couldn’t hold a count of 3 or 5 so took some pressure off and finally went down to in for 1 and out for 2 and I think that finally let me fall back to sleep.

The shortness of breath didn’t really go away. I was meeting my neighbour a Holly for a dog walk at 9.30 and was totally out of puff with no exertion at all. We walked up through the old golf course. Had a great walk.

Back home and had loads of Pawsitive Solutions enquiries to follow up. Everyone answered their phone straight away today and everyone was ready for a good chat. I do love that connection with lovely people.

However…. not soooo much when the sun is shining and Mrs caged lion is desperate to get outside! I am definitely a sun junkie ☀️☀️☀️

We see so little of the sun in Scotland that whenever the sun shines I’m desperate to be out in it. I had big plans for the today. The forecast for the rest of the week is so bad…. I thought today would be a great time to get all the outdoorsy stuff we want to sell… up for sale. I wanted to get the big tent and the camper drive away awning up for sale but I thought that taking photos in the sun and maybe a wee film of it in case anyone wanted to see it before they bought it.

By the time I finished making calls it was already 1.30 and Craig was busy so I started doing some gardening, planting bulbs and sweeping up all the sticks and leaves on the decking. I am well aware of the irony of doing this the day before a huge storm…. but it felt good…. an excuse to be outside.

I am still so tired that I really want to go for a nap but I couldn’t miss out on some vitamin D.

Then got the best news. The Jeep has passed its MoT and was ready for collection! So on the way to drop Craig off I decided to carry on to the beach. I took Bhruic and she was such a good girl.

We went to Portencross beach near West Kilbride. What an amazing walk. I’m so glad I didn’t have a nap and went to the beach instead. I’ve managed 14.6k steps today.

I sat here and had a coffee made in the van and just breathed in the sea air. The sea calmed down a lot as the sun went down. It was such a lovely way to spend the day.

To add to it all I watched the Arran ferry sail out of Brodick across towards Ardrossan and I also clocked a submarine sailing down the coast of Arran.

My breathing is normal. Finally. I didn’t do any of the selling stuff but it’s not the end of the world. I enjoyed the sun, got exercise and did what I really wanted to do.

Yet again I’ve had to turn my day around. Holly asked this morning if I thought I was asthmatic… I think it’s more just a case of trying to think and do everything at once. Which is not possible.

A great dose of vitamin D worked wonders….

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

I start these blogs more often than not saying that I had the best sleep… dead to the world, out for the count…. but last night was one of those that I couldn’t wake up from. It was after 9 before I opened my eyes and realised Craig was already up. I could have quite honestly stayed in bed all day. it’s a struggle to open your eyes but it means that my head is well and truly empty.

Now I can hear all the jokes… yeah, yeah… but it’s a great feeling.

How lovely is that but I definitely have it a wee bit mixed up…. I eat triple, walk half, don’t really laugh at all but I do love without measure… least I have one out of the 4.

Claire messaged to say we should walk at 10am so I got out of bed at 9.45…. even then my eyes are still half shut. On my way out the door, I did have a conversation with Mr Snorey McSnorerson this morning…. oh my actual god he was the loudest ever last night… But it would appear that I wasn’t much better. Who knew?!? 🤷🏻‍♀️😆….. steps back from conversation quickly…. gotta go… out with dogs….. byeeee…..

Should say here that it’s warm on the sun but very windy out in the open.

I’m so pleased that we went out for a walk. My head is not great today. I’m very emotional and tired. Again… I’m tired of being tired, I’m sick of being exhausted and I just want a break. There were a few tears but it was so lovely to be out in the fresh air and having great chat.

Claire took this pic from her bedroom window. After our walk I went out to Abbie the camper van and cleaned the dash, the floor, and bumped into loads of lovely people while I was out there.

Must have been out in the van for 2 or 3 hours. Was a lovely change… made coffee in it…. may have boiled the kettle in the house first… 😆 Then I took Calaidh up the hill.

You can imagine the angles I got myself into on this walk… just to get these shots 😱😆

So I’ve had a lovely day. Spoken to lots of lovely people and I do feel a lot less emotional and sad. I’m still exhausted but I’ve had a great day and the sun has been lovely.

More crochet tonight…. determined to only have 100 squares left to do by tomorrow!

So yeah nothing else for it just keep plodding along and see what tomorrow brings. It’s bringing more sunshine and that will help.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

We woke at 6am this morning for about an hour then fell back to sleep and woke up with the alarm at 9am… you never feel great when you do that. Jumped in the shower to try and clear the foggy head.

It was dry outside but the forecast is for heavy rain and sting winds all day. I went outside with the dogs and ended up doing a poop scoop before the rain comes on. 💩 it’s about 10C out there today which is positively tropical compared to the below zero we had a week or so ago. But this kind of weather doth not a pretty photograph make….. 😆

My new varifocal glasses are amazing and opened up a whole new world. A bigger, clearer world. Not sure I needed that vision for the poop scoop but hey….. 😳

So we had a Pawsitive Solutions zoom call this morning with Lorna at 10am. Was good to catch up and discussing how things are going just now and when we think we might ever get back out to work?!? How long is a piece of string?

By the time we came off the call the heavens had opened so Craig kindly did the dog walk while I hoovered!

I’m feeling a bit better today. The Omeprazole stomach pain is still there (that’s almost 4 days now) but it’s easing and I am eating more than just toast. I still feel sluggish and pretty tired but hey what’s new?!?

This is lovely and so very true but at the same time I think lockdown had a huge part to play on our mood just now. I think everyone is fed up. I think everything is blown out of proportion.

So the rest of the day is going to be a bit of a lazy one I think. I’m finishing a crochet knee blanket that I’m going to send over to my Great Auntie Margaret in Penicuik.

Need to get it stitched in the back and get it washed and it’s ready to go. I’m sitting with it over me now and it’s super cosy which is not necessary on a day that’s 10C outside and the heating is still stuck on!!! It must be about 24C in here just now. 🏝 we have called the electrician again.

I’m downstairs in front of the fire and gonna chill for the rest of the day.

Only 114 to go……… nothing better to do 🤷🏻‍♀️😬😂

And as usual in our house there is no show without punch. That face….. 😬😬

Stay safe everyone 🧶🐶🧶

I slept like a log last night, woke just before 8 and had to drag myself out of bed….. so tired!

Had to be at Tartan Campers for 9am so they could have a look at the reversing camera and a few other snags with the van. They LOVED the new wheels. Suggested I put a 1inch lift on it……. something to think about. So anyway, I have to book it in to take it back to get the camera and snags done so while it was a wee bit of a wasted trip I got to head back via the coast.

Went to Gro Coffee for a coconut milk latte. Now this is where my anxiety kicks in…. I had been thinking I’d get a wee cake… I say wee… Gro’s cakes are humungous…. but I couldn’t see any. Gro specialise in cakes…. the girl said do you want something to eat….. eh, eh, eh….. mind empties, can’t see cakes, why are there no cakes… always have cakes… very strange… “no I’m ok thank I’m going to be good…..” “oh come on” she says… “what about a bacon roll?”….. don’t fancy bacon rolls anymore…. “or some French toast?…. you know our French toast is lovely?!”……… “oh yeah ok then French toast then thanks…… oh yeah course I’ll take maple syrup and bacon….” (aforementioned bacon is the reason I don’t eat bacon rolls anymore)

Oh my god…. in the space of 30 seconds I have ordered and paid for something I didn’t even want. I feel better as the waitress seems happier….. honestly. Could it be any more ridiculous?!?

Then I see the cakes…………….. 🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🥮🧁🍰🥮

They are in the window. It’s all set up as takeaway for COVID. If there’s a queue people would queue past the cakes. There was not queue at 9.30am on a very wet and windy Friday.

“Oh there are the cakes…..” I say out loud……… am I hoping she reads my mind and says “do you want to cancel the French toast with bacon and maple syrup and have a cake instead?”…….. of course that’s what I want her to do.

I walk back to the van…. I have to wait for a phone call to get the thing I only ordered to keep the waitress happy and sit there stressing about being daft enough to miss the cakes and thinking of everyone I could have bought a cake for….

I should add here that I could have walked over the road and bought cakes but oh no, couldn’t figure that one out at the time.

I realise how crazy this sounds but that is honestly what happened….

I get my French toast and coffee and head round to the Irvine beach car park.

I eat the French toast and drink the coffee and even eat the bacon that I haven’t touched for months. All the while beating myself up for such a ridiculous situation.

Before I wrote this blog I kept all of this inside. Writing it down certainly helps me understand why I’m so exhausted all the time. Why do I make life so hard at times?!?!

By the time I took these and went back into the van I couldn’t feel my fingers. Certainly blew the cobwebs away though!

I ended up on the phone the rest of the time I sat there. Someone contacted me on FB the other day about the wheels I took off the camper van. She sent me a number to call so I decided to ring while sitting at the beach. Her husband answered and I had the loveliest chat with him about VW campers, wheels, covid blah blah. I’m sending them photos.

I then had a lovely chat with mum so she could tell me all of the the lovely gifts she got yesterday. She had the best day and loved being able to see so many people by way of zoom. She loved her birthday message video too. I think she watched and cried at it a few times yesterday. 🥰

I’m home now. I washed the wheels and sent photos to the couple who are interested and now I am determined I’m doing nothing. Completely nothing. I am shattered after yesterday’s histrionics in my head….. and of course, after French-toast-gate this morning. I cannot tell you how hard it is to have these constant battles with yourself. On the difficult days it’s hard to remember what good feels like.

Then just like magic a post on FB gives me a reminder for the hard days…. I’m pretty sure FB is listening to my inner thoughts which is not the good thing really is it?!?!

I’ve just had a FaceTime call with Claire next door. We were meant to be meeting for a walk but it’s miserable out there so we opted for FaceTime cuppa instead. Much better.

We have Beef Stroganoff x 2 coming from the pub tonight…. wee Rachel next door couldn’t remember what it was called and said the word reminded her of Strawberry milk so 2 Beef strawberry milks coming up. 🤣 I may have a cookies and cream cheesecake coming too. That’s never gonna help reducing the size of my BUTT….. 😆

Have a good weekend everyone. If you find something good to do in this rain please let me know.

Stay safe everyone 🌧🌧🌧

There’s been so much going on in the background for Mum’s 70th birthday today. I can finally talk about it.

So yeah Mum was born on 18th February 1951 at 2.10am (that wasn’t a secret😆 ) and she’s having to celebrate her 70th while we are still in lockdown.

I am gutted that I can’t even drive over to her house for a hug and a kiss let alone to celebrate with her. So many people have gone through big birthdays in lockdown… these are really strange times.

So mum and dad are alone in the house all day with lots of different people dropping in by way of Zoom call. The last east “new normal”.

We started just after 9am and had a call with her and Dad to show her the birthday video we’ve been compiling. Dad gave me contact details weeks back and I’ve been trying to get hold of lots of family and mums friends to make a wee happy birthday message for her.

Craig found a package called Vidday and it allows people to upload directly. You can then save them in the order you want, add music, add photos and out comes the most professional looking birthday clip film. We did have to pay for it but it wasn’t expensive.

I wish everyone who sent in a clip, could have seen her face as she watched it for the first time…. it was so wonderful to watch the recognition and love as each person came on to do their bit. She cried, I cried…. it was lovely!

This was just the start of Mum’s zoom calls today. Here she’s reading a card that came with some lovely flowers that arrived when we were on the call.

We then had a family chat with mums cousin Dave in Australia, her cousin Joyce in Edinburgh and my Auntie Marion in Penicuik. It’s Dave’s 65th birthday today. Was so lovely to catch up with everyone. Dad was playing around with zoom filters…. poor mum ended up with a bow on this snap!

While mum was then off for a zoom coffee with the ladies she walks with, my anxiety slapped me in the face.

I’ve been all over the place today. So emotional, lots of tears, worrying about nothing, no real logical explanation for it other than I feel rotten.

The omeprazole has still not worn off yet so I feel squeamish and have a sore stomach. It feels gripey. I don’t even know what that means but I know it’s the right word. I’m so tired too.

Cue the anxiety….. ask me a question and my head empties and I’m short of breath. I get irritated because I can’t think straight and that’s a vicious circle.

I came off the zoom call this morning came downstairs and burst into tears. I think we’ve been alone for so long that seeing so many people at once is overwhelming. It’s like I’ve just been reminded that we have all this lovely family and we haven’t seen each other for so long. It made me feel proud to be a part of but sent me back to all the years we have lost not seeing enough of each other. I’m thinking of my Gran and Grandpa and Auntie Pat and Uncle Tom who were the reason we are family and all on a zoom together. It makes me remember the past parties when they were all there and miss them all. Auntie Pat always used to kiss us on the lips with a huge big smackerooni. It makes me smile even typing that though that’s the tears on now too. I’m sad that the past has gone.

It’s no wonder I’m exhausted, honestly does my head ever stop?!?!

Craig has been so supportive all day…. I told him he just needed to tell me what to do as I couldn’t think straight. Don’t worry he kept it clean…. We went to the Co-op to get snacks for mums zoom party tonight.

I had posted Abbie with her new wheels on a VW FB group last night and got a few negative comments…. the speedo would be a mile out and RIP gearbox so that freaked me out…. random people making random comments that I decide to take as gospel. I phoned our local garage and they put my mind at ease. The speedo will not be fully accurate but the gearbox will be fine. They gave me ideas around tracking my speed so that was one thing ticked off the list.

Next on my list was a bath. I don’t do baths…. Craig said a bath would do me good. It did. But, always a but….. I didn’t give myself enough time to relax and ended up being half an hour late for the 3pm family and friends zoom!! You can imagine….. I was ROASTING from the bath, drying my hair only made me hotter… poor Auntie Jac called just before 3pm to ask about the zoom link… head empties, can’t help her as I can’t even think straight about what she’s doing. Told her to ask me for help!!! She does and I’m like…………………. 🤷🏻‍♀️😳

Anyway late to zoom and very red in the face but actually have started to calm down. Lovely to see some “weel kent faces” on this one too. All of them had done a video for mum so it was lovely to see them after having been in touch recently. More reminders of how life has changed, more regrets at not seeing more of everyone.

At least now I am calm. (No wonder….. I’m exhausted with all the panicking and overthinking!) I’m worried about mum who hasn’t stopped all day and I know it will be so much more do her to take in as it’s all for her.

I had dog behaviour calls to make next and had ZERO confidence picking up the phone to people. Yet actually that’s what’s turned me around I think. I did perfectly well on the calls and came off quite proud of the way I’d come across. No faffing, no empty head, no breathlessness. Done.

At 7.30pm we’ll have birthday party Zoom with mum, dad and brother, sister in law and nephew. We have lots of snacks…. Prosecco for Craig and Nosecco for me.

As sent the most amazing looking box of Macarons.

Looking forward to getting my teeth into these. There are so amazing flavours in there.

I hope mum had a lovely birthday. I’ve been so excited about today. I didn’t plan to have all this anxiety but it is what it is and tomorrow is another day.

Stay safe everyone 🎂🎂🎂

We had something to do today…. Abbie the campers new tyres arrived!

I’m gonna go back to yesterday first. I put the blog out quite early as I’d been feeling rubbish. Sore stomach really lethargic. Ended up out for the count for 2.5 hours….. somethings not right with that much of a nap. That’s a marathon nap!

It’s the tablets I’ve been given for my shoulder….. the omeprazole is not agreeing with me. I had no dinner last night…. All I’ve eaten today is toast . Nothing else cuts it…. I have the squeam….

I haven’t taken omeprazole today and yet I still feel it….. 🤢

Anyway slept fine last night too and up early for the Morrison’s food delivery. We have butter again so had yesterday’s pancakes for breakfast with butter and strawberry jam! 🥞 🍓

Decided to take the dogs out early to get it over with as I felt so rough.

I did have a laugh to myself as I passed Broadstone Farm and they have a whole load of field gates piled up against a wall…. both old and new…… I would have taken a photo if I could have without trespassing. I would also like it noted that I don’t think I’ve added a gate photo in since gate day?!? 🙈🤣🤣

When I arrived back home there was a HUGE truck at the door and it was my tyres getting delivered. Only ordered on Monday!

I was advised that tyre changing was a one man job so I set off out with Calaidh leaving the one man with the tyres. VERY, VERY GRATEFULLY.

I met the lady that lives in Mid Bogside…. she was out for a walk….. told her I was heading to take photos of her carpet of snowdrops around the side of her house and she had no idea they were there! She came and had a look and was incredulous she’d never noticed them…. she said she spent most of her life living there driving in and out of her driveway….. just shows that we don’t pay attention to things when we are too busy working….

I was VERY good at supervising I thought…..

So I’m really chuffed with the new wheels. Will get the old ones washed and cleaned and up for sale at the weekend.

Had a puppy zoom call at 6 tonight so been a busy day! Got a busier day tomorrow. My lovely mum turns 70 and I think I have 4 zoom calls scheduled through the day already. Excited to speak to her lots and other family on zoom!! A 70th birthday in lockdown……

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I had a lovely sleep but some crazy early morning dreams…. woke up very glad that they were just dreams.

Alarm at 7.30am as I had a guy coming to PAT test all the electrical equipment in the village hall. So up, showered, hair washed, new clothes on…. over to the hall for 8.30am. Said hello, unlocked the door to the hall and let him in. Came home. My big appointment for today and it was all over by 9am.

I watched him leave after about 15-20mins and I walked back over and locked the door. That was it. Done. Dusted. Over. Jeeeeez…. Now what….. 😳

By 11am we’d finished another 2 puppy training modules on line so I thought I’d take Freya out for a walk.

Freya was a bit scared of the horses today. One whinnied behind us and she just about jumped out of her skin. She then proceeded to “woo woo woo” at it and for those of you who have heard Freya bark… “woo woo woo” pretty much sums it up.

So back home and it’s just after 12am. Not that I am counting…. really I’m not. It just seems to be going very slowly.

I decided to blitz the bedroom again. That was finished before 1pm.

Of course it’s pancake 🥞 day today or Shrove Tuesday. Do we have pancakes? No? Am I more than making up for that by eating other stuff? Yes. Clever girl.

I am not kidding….. look what just arrived from 11 year old Rachel next door….. I wish you could smell them….. wow!! 🥞

I cannot believe that today is the anniversary of Caroline Flack’s death by suicide. I think that shocked a lot of us here in the UK (she was a popular TV presenter) but I can’t believe it’s been a year. A year in which hardly anybody is have left the house for any length of time.

I wanted to talk about suicidal thoughts as we need to take the stigma out of it. The cringe we all feel at the thought.

I’ve said before that we are a society who mourn suicide but deny depression. I can only imagine how bad Caroline Flack felt to follow her suicide through. How worthless she felt. How much of a burden she felt to others. The sadness here is the devastation at her loss. She had no idea what she meant to people. She was lost in her own lack of self love.

Suicide is not a weakness. It’s not an easy way out. It’s not a selfish act. Those who sadly succeed truly believe the world would be better off without them. Telnet that no one is ever alone. No matter how alone you may feel.

I’m not saying any of this because I’m in a bad place but I write this blog because I have been in the past and I want everyone to know how bad that felt at the time. If this helps one person reading this then it will have been worth it.

The focus for the rest of the day is going to either be a nap or crochet. I’ve done another 2 squares today and will keep going with my latest obsession. And there is a very good chance I will be eating those pancakes. Bad day to have run out of butter 🧈 🤷🏻‍♀️

From the announcements in Scotland today it looks like our lockdown is going to continue into March 😳 it’s 16.20 now. How far away is March?!? 🙈

Stay safe everyone 😷😷😷

Just could not think of a better title for the blog today…. just another Monday in lockdown.

When we are back to normality or as close as it gets….. and I complain about being tired or needing a rest… or a holiday…. will someone please remind me that having all the time off in the world is hard too?!?!?!

Not gonna lie…. when I opened my eyes this morning I thought…… pfffffft…. again…. another day to fill…… what’s the point in getting up, what will I do with another day off….

Oh my god woman….. you spent the last 14 years getting up at 5.30am and getting home anytime after 6pm (usually later) having been stressed out your box all day…. being shouted at, screamed at, moaned at, bitched at…. all day, every day…. and now you don’t have to do A THING…. not one single thing and you’re still not happy?!?! 🤷🏻‍♀️😆 GET A GRIP.

And then I smile. I am so glad I am out of that. I am so grateful that I can do what I want, when I want and that freedom is so much better when I’ve lived with such little freedom in my past working life. Be content with being free. Relax onto that freedom. Love it. Love it and enjoy every minute of it. Regardless of what you do or do not do.

So I bounded out of bed…. at the rate any normal 48 year old would….. let the dogs out and stood in the garden with a T-shirt on and realised that our temperature has risen from -3C yesterday to 7C today. It get positively tropical outside. There was no rain, no wind, just calm. It was lovely to be outside. So what did I do?!? A post snow poop scoop. Naturally….

The toys the dogs got for Christmas were filled with white stuffing so I started with that and picked it all up. Then onto the not so nice. But it’s done and the garden (now in the pouring rain) looks so much tidier. I noticed some bulbs that I planted are now coming through. The birds are chirping away. Our resident pigeons are back and seem to be starting work on their usual nest in our tree. One of them terrified the living daylights out of Freya mid poo…… it swooped down while she was mid business and she ran off down the bottom of the garden. She’s really skittish these days. It felt like a very early spring.

Now it looks miserable again but hey… it’s washing down the grass and helping the bulbs grow.

I’ve been structured today. Spent 10am- 2ish working on dog behaviour calls. I do love a wee bit structure in my day. It’s nice to chat to people too.

Then we carried on the next few modules of the School of Canine Science puppy training.

It’s just as well that I write all of this down as is otherwise be saying I’d done nothing and had a wasted day! Thats the trick to all this. To realise what you have done and you are doing rather than focus on things you didn’t do.

So I’ll give you a laugh. I ordered some new T-shirt’s the other week. I’ve never been a T-shirt wearer but then again I’ve never been this size before so what didn’t suit before seems to suit now. I’m loving the Matalan slogan T-shirts and have a few that I wear all the time. So I thought I’d treat myself to some new ones.

I thought I’d ordered some but never heard anything from Matalan so assumed I’d never followed the order through. Never even thought to check, just assumed it hadn’t. Ordered some…

At least my taste is consistent…. I now have two of the same identical T-shirt!!! Both orders are now here. The Matalan emails have been falling into my junk email. Hmmmmm oh well. They won’t go wrong.

If you see me wearing these and think I never wash them then please remember I have 2 of each….. just saying!

I’m also crocheting like mad just now while watching movies, tv shows and puppy training. Not sure if I said before but I saw a lovely blanket on a camper van FB page and I want to make one similar.

I am on the case…. I love the plain squares and I’m really enjoying wheeching them up. They only take about half an hour each. The one on the left has 143 squares……

I have crocheted 12.5.

I may be busy for the foreseeable.

I feel like I have been today ♥️

Stay safe everyone 🧶🧶🧶

Ooooh I slept like a log last night…. love my deep, out-for-the-count sleep.

We have Calaidh in with us just now making sure she is ok and you wouldn’t even know…. We were both awake and couldn’t get back to sleep this morning when Craig said he was going to get up and make breakfast…. 💤💤💤💤 then he was gone. Fast asleep. 😆🤣

To be fair when he did wake up again he got up and made breakfast and I came through to some lovely gifts!!

🌹S. P Forgeworks 🌹 &

🧁Elly’s Custom Cakes 🧁

Supporting friends businesses! Should say macaron for breakfast is the way forward!!

I’ve been VERY lucky today and love all my gifts and what’s more…. as I write this Craig has all the furniture up-ended in the living room and is hoovering and mopping the floors. 🥰 he knows the way to a girls heart. ♥️ I cannot ask for more!

So Claire and I go off out with Bhruic and Freya and it’s not the nicest of days. It’s not as cold as yesterday but still a biting wind and not a hint of blue in the sky.

We had to take baby steps all the way round today.

Got home and poor Calaidh was sitting at the door with a wee face that said “my turn”! Within 3 minutes of heading out the heavens opened!!

My first dog walk with my varifocals on and all good. I think I’ve got used to them straight away. Not great wearing glasses in the rain but hey….

Back home and all the wet stuff changing up while I got a warm shower.

The fire’s on. The living room, kitchen and sunroom are spotless thanks to Craigie and the dogs are all sleeping. Bliss.

We’ve just had most of last nights Chinese for lunch and it’s 13.58.

There really is nothing else for it…. crochet and movies I reckon.

Stay safe everyone ♥️🌹♥️

I am typing this wearing varifocals for the first time in my life. Might take a wee bit of getting used to but at least if I wear glasses all the time I am less likely to keep losing them. She says….

Had to add glasses to my Memoji…. 1st world problems.

So we were super productive today! We’d had a big chat with Craig’s mum before 9am. She had the Pfizer vaccination yesterday, the same one as my mum. (Dad was Oxford/AstraZeneca).

We then did some School of Canine Science puppy training on line again. We covered Classical and Operant Conditioning this morning…. oooooh check us. Really interesting and we have to complete a wee test before we can move on to the next module. Kept us busy for a good few hours.

Craig then had to nip across the road to Elly’s Cakes to pick up a wee valentines gift… he had them booked for collection at 11.25 and he couldn’t sneak out the house as we were in the middle of the training! COVID-19 lockdown problems… can’t get away from each other!!

Got the text from Specsavers to say my glasses were ready! Didn’t expect them for another week. I phoned the store as I thought Saturday would be too busy for collection but they said to come any time…. try and stop me going to Largs…. 😬😆

It was so different from yesterday. They sky is completely overcast and it started to snow just before I left. From here to Largs involves negotiating Clyde Muirshiel and Haylie Brae. It’s awfy steep and not a road I’d want to be on in Abbie the camper in snow. Especially before I upgrade my wheels and tyres to allow more grip….

Anyway, it was a lovely drive. It was amazing driving through the driving snow. Many “driving’s” but when it comes at the windscreen like that it is fascinating. Like jumping to warp speed in space… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 ok slight exaggeration 😆

Of course I had a Costa Coffee ordered for collection on the app. It all worked like clockwork. A Coconut milk vanilla latte again.

It’s very cold today…. as low as -6C and that’s when we realise we are really not so used to minus numbers. Your hands actually hurt with the cold pretty quickly.

Took my coffee and wee bit of rocky road to the sea but the snow was falling pretty heavily and I thought I better get back up the Brae and Clyde Muirshiel pretty sharpish. There were tracks on the snowy road but it was a lot clearer than I thought it would be.

There are two reservoirs on the road home that were absolutely stunning. Frozen with the icing sugar snow blowing over the ice. Sadly there is nowhere to stop to actually get any photos.

Had to stop in Tesco to pick up some wine for Craig and it was HEAVING!! Valentine’s Day tomorrow had obviously brought everyone out the woodwork. The shop has a traffic light entrance system but they obviously let a lot of people in as it was busy. Probably the busiest shop I’ve been in during a lockdown.

Back home without any weather hitches and have my feet up with a Becks Blue as I write this.

Lots of people have been asking for Calaidh and she’s doing ok with her phantom pregnancy… no more curdling howls thankfully. She’s just clingy….

We have a Chinese takeaway coming tonight… Valentines Day tomorrow… any excuse. Guess there’ll be more episodes of The Man in the High Castle. Not much else for it…. maybe a movie. It is Saturday night after all. Saturday night STILL in lockdown….

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I feel so much better today. Whatever caused yesterday’s barfism has left the building. Only lasted about 4-5 hours but I honestly thought I was gonna retch my eyeballs out my head…. Pretty sure no one else typed those words out today……. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

So up with the alarm at 7.30am for Osteopath this morning and was conscious the van might need defrosting. Opened the front door and switched the diesel heater on so it was quite toasty but the time is had my shower and was ready to leave. It’s a beautiful sky.

Mr Osteopath squeezed in a few manipulations today… he did work on both my knee and my shoulder so all good. I stopped doing the exercises when he told me things were coming along well…. of course I did. He says the walking is still very good for my knee though so keep that up (no walks for two days but hey I’ll get back to it tomorrow.)

So I decided to treat myself to a drive home along the coast and was out for about 3 hours!

I had coffee with me to drink before the Osteopath but I’d been a wee bit nervous of drinking it all given yesterday’s sickness…. I poured the cold coffee into a pan and heated it in the van… clever thinking!

Was speaking to mum and dad and shouted have to go there’s a ship passing Arran…. as you do…..

They were on their way into Edinburgh for dad to get his COVID-19 vaccination. Dad got the Oxford/Astra Zeneca today. Mum got Pfizer yesterday. It’s all happening!

On the way home I stopped just outside West Kilbride.

Then drove up over the Fairlie Moor road which has the most stunning views… not sure any photos will do it justice.

It was such a lovely drive. It’s been so lovely to see something different for a change.

I’ve spent the afternoon looking at tyres and alloys for the van again. Not so much fun. The tyres fitted are really car tyres so while it looks nice I’m not getting the grip on single track road verges. It will give me peace of mind. I’ll sell the ones that are on it.

So we have Gateside Inn takeaway coming tonight which is soooo good. I am starving!!!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Actually that’s not fair… I made Pawsitive Solutions calls this morning and into the early afternoon. I have been working….

That reminds me that I’ve not said that poor Calaidh is suffering from a phantom pregnancy just now. It’s quite common but she is carrying a toy around with her and trying to nest with it. On Tuesday night she howled 4 times with the most heart wrenching sound…. looking for her puppies. It will pass, it’s just very sad to see her now around.

I should add too there is not a gate in sight today….. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 and to be honest that’s only because I’ve not actually been out. I’ve not quite known what to do with myself today as I feel a bit flat….

And then I ate soup for lunch. 2 day old lentil soup… well actually made on Tuesday night. Not been in the fridge….

I made it until 4.15pm before I was sick. I knew something was wrong about a half hour before that.

I’m looking for new tyres for the camper van as it’s much heavier than I’m used to driving and I’m finding that it sinks into any soft verge I have to drive on to. I want the confidence of an all terrain tyre to pull away even in the mud. Maybe an afternoon looking at tyres made me sick. Makes more sense than my homemade soup???! 😬😆

It’s 4.37pm now and I’ve my feet up in Grans chair in the sunroom with Bhruic lying on me….. snoring…. 🤣

I’m gonna make this a short one today and have a wee nap and see if I can sleep this off.

Stay away from my lentil soup.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Maybe Coke Zero has more caffeine in it than Diet Pepsi?!? I was “pure buzzin’” all night last night. At least it felt like it.

It’s another beautiful day. We were up early as Morrison’s were delivering the food shop between 8-9. I managed to clean the fridge and the kitchen before it arrived. I’ll say it again…. I always do my best work when I surprise myself. Had NO intentions of cleaning the fridge today. But It did need cleaned. Done.

The Morrison’s delivery guy was so lovely today. We chatted about how cold it was and laughed that it’s alright for me in my Christmas jammies in the house. He’s looking forward to getting home and playing in the snow with his 8 year old. ☃️⛷

I’ve actually started writing this at 9am as there are so many lovely motivational quotes today. I swear I attract the quotes that are reflective of the mood that I’m in.

This is very difficult for us all just now. It’s hard not to criticise what others do just because we can’t do it ourselves. Everyone is different. Everyone chooses what they believe to be right and wrong… it’s just more visible during a pandemic.

This really made me think as despite all my positivity (on the good days…) I am still critical. For me I think it comes from jealousy which is not a good emotion to have. There is no need for it as we all live diffident lives with different upbringings.

We took the dogs out for just shy of a 5 mile walk and my legs are gowpin’ (I put this through my usual English translation on google and it says gowpin’ means not nice. My legs are not nice. Ok…. what I’m really trying to say is they are jumpy and achey all at the same time. That is my use of the word gowpin’. So dog walk photos… here goes…… actually I’m writing this after I posted the photos and maybe dog walk should be renamed gate watch?!

Back home for lunch and had a lovely FaceTime with mum and then decided to head up to Home Bargains. Now I’ve not been out much at all in this lockdown but Craig needed hair gel and I forgot to order toothpaste with the food shopping. Any excuse really. I met Claire’s mum and dad on my way out the shop. Was SO lovely to see them. Had a lovely chat as it just seemed so normal to bump into people that you know. Did wish I could just bump into my mum and dad but one lot of us would have to move!!

Of course I stopped at the little coffee caravan for an Oat milk latte.

I need the sun to stay out forever. Nothing makes me happier than taking photos of our wonderful countryside. In pure blue sky and sunshine of course.

Just when you thought I might be done…. I went another walk…. with Claire this time so there are more photos!

I feel like I have written this blog all day. I’ve loved it. Life is good. I am so grateful for everything.

Oh I forgot….there is football on tonight…. I draw the gratitude line… I might just crochet.

Stay safe everyone 🧶🧶🧶

Woke up to an email from WordPress with 25GB free storage and a training course on how to upload all files a lot smaller than I do at the moment. Must admit that I was thinking of just doing a FB post a day instead but it’s nice to be back in the format I’m used to.

I had a shower and washed my hair as I had Zoom Kinesiology at 10am as I was looking a bit like I’d been dragged through a hedge backwards….

Kinesiology with Shelagh Cumming was great again this morning. We worked on my stress levels around change and how I’m learning that life can be different to what I originally thought mine would be.

Enhanced Wellbeing

I’ve always felt that I had to conform to the expectations of society and of everyone around me but I am learning that it’s ok to be me and to trust that I know what’s best for me.

Of course once it’s finished I can sleep for Scotland but there’s a puppa to be walked. Craig is upping the mileage so he took Bhruic first, I’ll take Calaidh and he’ll take Freya.

It was a lovely, lovely walk. I met Joan one of our neighbours and we ended up letting the dogs run in a field while we talked and walked. I’m so aware that when you meet people now you do take great care to stay away from each other. We walked across those fields about 2 or 3 metres apart, yet the dogs are playing with each other.

Days like today are so special as you get to see beauty all around. I never saw any of this when I was working full time plus all the overtime. Redundancy and COVID-19 lockdown has allowed me to appreciate the true value of life. I may have good days and down days but on the whole I feel very lucky.

I also love that so many people are taking photos of beautiful scenery and sharing them with me…. in particular, gates… thought I’ve no idea where that might have come from?!?!? 🙄😬🤷🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️😆

Got these two lovely Zox wristbands I’d ordered and I absolutely love them!! Not gonna lie… while they were chosen for their words and meaning, I did got for the colours too as they make me feel bright and happy. TODAY I WILL NOT WORRY and RELEASE MY PAST.

I have a lot of regrets about life decisions I have made and the kind of person that I became in order to survive in my old job. I cannot change that and I need to let it go. It’s hard to do so this affirmation might help. They are so soft and comfy to wear and I think they look kinda funky on. Pleased with them!

And just like that it’s 5pm. I finished writing this and had to lie down as my eyes were really heavy. Just been asleep for 2 whole hours. Boom. Out for the count!!!

Thank you Kinesiology!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️