Well, that was not the best nights sleep that I’ve ever had…. I went to bed in a bad mood and I shouldn’t have. I was restless all night thinking about it. I read this:
I’ve really struggled with my weight/food/exercise these last few years and desperately want to lose weight but it’s just not something I can deal with just now. I’ve tried… if you’ve followed this blog you’ll have seen the weeks at 15k steps a day, the weeks I’ve tracked my food… but I can’t seem to do it all at once. I’m using a lot of energy just now just being….. I don’t know if that makes sense but it does to me. In my lack of sleep I realised that actually this post was accurate…. it hurt me and I was angry at it but its right. I don’t want to lose the fat as much as I want to take each day at a time and listen to what my body and mind need.
In more positive news….
I also got a congrats in new new job card with mini eggs and Malteser bunnies from my friend Gillian.🐣
So this next thing is lovely…. Auntie Jac saw this today and thought it summed up my new career.
Isn’t that a lovely way of thinking about things?
Speaking of my new half of my career…. I worked from 8am to 3pm today as I have an Osteopath appointment tomorrow morning. Guess what….. I had my first customer meeting and we sold a van conversion!!! Woo hoo! Deposit received same day snd I have already ordered the pop top roof and the inside furniture. Boom!
Would you believe we had the meeting outside on deckchairs as the sun was out. It wasn’t particularly warm but it was warmer than inside the workshop…. I have ALWAYS wanted a job where you could be outside in the good weather!
Back home about 3.30pm and then onto my Pawsitive Solutions calls. Work done by 4.30pm… Then out to the van to fit my new rear seat storage….
Now I could have bought something that was £75 per seat but I’ve gone for something that was £5 per seat!!
So it’s as cheap as chips but will be great for us to get used to the van.
After dinner I intend not moving until it’s time for bed. 2,633 steps today but that’s ok…. it will just have to be 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😳😬🤣
The alarm went off at 5.45 this morning as Mr Sporty Spice was going to the gym. 😴😴😴 soooooo tired but also wide awake. What is it about that time in the morning when you need to go back to sleep but can’t?!?
I got up at 6.20 and decided to head into Tartan Campers early. The guys start at 7am so I can start early if I want…. except for today….. locked out!!! A freak chain of events meant that the guys that were already there had no key for the front door. So I spent the first 45 minutes standing in the car park. Should have gone back to sleep 🛌
The old me would have been raging about this… the new me…. registers it, feels it… meh… and moves on. it’s no big deal at all.
I got a good chat with the lads about camping in the Outer Hebrides, I had a coffee to drink that was still warm and I had a safe drive down. Three things!
I got back home about 1.30 after I managed to get out the staff car park. I forgot I’m only working half days this week and hemmed myself in behind a guy who finishes at 3pm. Muppet!
Had some lunch as soon as I came home as I was SO hungry. Might need to think about taking a mini lunch with me but on the plus side I remembered to clean my teeth. 😬😁 I also took my water and breakfast. Way better than most days so far.
I did not want to move when the alarm went off this morning…. I think I spent a fair bit of the night wondering when 6.30am was coming, without looking at the time. 😴🥱
Why did I agree to do a job that needs an alarm? Who’s idea was this? Vowed I’d never go back to early morning starts…. you get the drift…… let’s get this clear… getting up at 6.30am is a whole lot better than 5.30am like my previous job. Also now that I don’t care how I look (🤭😁) I will get that time right down to the wire. At the moment I am just practicing at getting out the door with everything I need. It’s not going that great…. I forgot to clean my teeth one day, forgot food one day and forgot my water today but as the days go on I expect to claw all of that back and be organised once more! I really should write a checklist….. note to self! I actually do love a good list.
So I was at Tartan Campers today for 7.45am and worked until just after one. All going great!
Back home, had lunch as I was STARVING and was close to devouring my right arm… why is this saying not the left arm?!? Does it not taste as nice? 🤣🤣
Then up to my upstairs bedroom office for round 2 until 5pm Pawsitive Solutions calls.
Another full day and I think I’m better for it. I think I am more focussed and less faffy which is a technical term in my book. I definitely feel more alert and involved and a part of something.
One of my friends messaged this afternoon to say she’s booked Tartan Campers rental van Archie for her holidays!!! How cool is that?! Can’t wait to see her when she comes to pick it up in a few months! We better be allowed to hug by then….. 🤗💕
I love this next one….. ♥️♥️
My blogger friend at The Windsor Waffle said that The Rambling Sloth seems more like The Busy Bee at the moment… that made me smile 😊 and so I pinched it for my heading today. Don’t worry, not changing the name and normal blog service is continuing for now. 😬
Keep being kind to others, keep smiling and keep giving out ransoms compliments and the world and you will be all the better for it.
So yes…. possibly due to my errant number system the blog says it’s one year to the day since Craig and I went into COVID-19 lockdown. I think we have to skip over the fact that the blog seems to be six days later than the news reports it but maybe Craig and I were later than everyone else?!? No??? Let just pretend….. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😆 it’s the news that’s wrong….
I think we’ve all seen our lives turned upside down in the last year. We have literally stayed at home for about 90% of it. I’ve only seen my parents and in-laws about 3 times since this all kicked off. We’ve been really lucky that no one has been really sick that we know. My poor father-in-law is in isolation for the next few days having tested positive last week though very luck he doesn’t really have any symptoms.
We’ve seen others be more relaxed with the rules and I guess there are some who have been even stricter than us. I think we’ll come out of this with a completely different outlook on life and know 100% what matters to us. We know who we need to see and we’ll do it pretty fast in case it changes again.
We booked two wee holidays today!!! Loch Ness in May and Glencoe in July. Hope there’ll be many more in between but at least these are in both calendars for time off.
11 years ago I said I do to this clean shaven handsome man. I remember when we first met and knew we would be together. I remember counting the days we had been together never mind the years.
Yet look at him now. Still as handsome (well I think more so) but so different. We think the beard arrived about 2014 and the hair started to grow maybe a year or so after that. 😍
We both now I’ve most couples it’s not always been a walk in the park. We’ve had some highs and we’ve had some lows but we’ve faced the head on every time.
We went back down to Gro Coffee in Irvine this morning for breakfast 🧇…. wait till you see the photos this time.
I may not eat for weeks now. I actually managed it no problem until the last 3 bites but I was beaten.
Craig is always great at buying gifts. He only got a leather strap bracelet that says 11… 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😬
Back home and out in the rain with the dogs. It’s the only time that varifocals aren’t the best… in the pouring rain.
We have a lovely dinner planned tonight. It might be a bit later than usual as she waits for breakfast to digest.
Thanks to all of you for sticking with me for a year and to those who have joined more recently. Your kind words mean so much. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I don’t know what will happen to The Rambling Sloth moving forward as I will be working way more than I have in a very long time. I’ll take each day as it comes and see how it feels. I’m fairly certain that I still need to keep writing to keep myself sane.
But for now I’m putting the phone down and off to enjoy the rest of my weekend.
Should say that I add links into blogs every now and then and if you click the blue underlined bit it should open!! That’s the one I did this morning and don’t remember it finishing and Craig woke me back up when he came home at 8.30am.
I’m trying to stop the anxiety from taking over this time.
We took the dogs out after a coffee.
I had a lovely surprise last night when some friends from New Zealand replied to an email I’d sent them on the 13th March 2011. Yes you read that right…. 10 years ago!!! I met them in Australia in 2004 when they were backpacking. I was early 30’s and they were older with grown up children but they were backpacking too. They were English but lived in New Zealand so I went to stay with them in Ponsonby when I travelled through New Zealand in 2005. They sent me a photo from back then and apologised for having never seen my email!!!
Just shows you how we all make impressions on people in our lives. After 10 years we were chatting like I’d seen them yesterday!
We got home to a nice surprise! It’s our 11th wedding anniversary tomorrow and we had a card from our maid of honour and flowers from my mum and dad!!
They were posted by a company called Bloom and Wild. You light see them advertised on FB. They come in a flat pack box with very strict instructions on how to handle them. This does not include dropping them on the floor at any point in time.
Then we were off out to pick up Craigie’s new wheels!!!
I tidied out the van again now that he will never need to drive it. I can now control it’s cleanliness again 😆
Back home and comfies on well in house comfies rather than out of house comfies is more like it. We’re having Gastro pub fish and chips tonight and it’s nearly ready (4.15!!) early dinner for us.
He’s making me watch the Godfather at the moment so we saw half of number 1 last night so guess that’s where our evening viewing is headed.
It’s been a lovely day. Not the weather… it wasn’t lovely. Cold and windy. Wouldn’t be my blog without a forecast now would it. 😬
What a dreadful day for the end of March. It’s so windy and freezing… we even had hailstones!! That said there’s been sunshine that I didn’t expect. It’s warm in the sunroom with my feet up while the dogs sleep.
Peace at last….. Calaidh will be hiding somewhere having a sleep and I’m not getting up to find her. They’ve been hyper today…. have they missed me? It’s honestly like someone’s been feeding them blue smarties. 😆 so they calm is very welcome. Craig is away down the bottom of the garden hammering in the shed.
It’s 4pm and I am so grateful for a day in the house yet I’m secretly wondering how things are going at the Tartan place…. yeah it’s no secret if I’m telling you guys is it?! I have to watch that. I need to create the right work life balance this time.
So I spent the morning catching up on dog behaviour calls and updating the village hall accounts. I am like a working woman possessed. Well I was until just after lunch!
We took the dogs out for a big walk in the hope it curbed some of their exuberance… it did, hence sleeping pups!
Since we came home I’ve had a lovely lazy afternoon. It’s nice to be home and have nothing to do (she says ignoring housework etc etc)
OH MY GOD IT IS SNOWING!!!!! 🌨🌨
And in true Scottish weather fashion it’s now sunny again. Honestly if you don’t look up in this country you might miss something quite dramatic.
Hope you all have a great weekend. I be chillin’ 😎
I was up and out for bed for 6.30am to take the dogs out at 6.45am with Claire. I mean seriously check us…..
So good chat with Claire and the world put to rights before 7.30am! A great start to a day. ♥️
Jeep-less Craig needed the van today 😱 so he had to drop me at work.
So I’ve quite rightly had a few people concerned that I take it easy…. it’s been a whirlwind of a week. I had no idea on Monday morning that I would have spent 3 full days in The Tartan Camper Co!
The days I am working there seem like the longest days ever and that’s not because I’m bored. It’s because I’ve not done anything for 7.5 hours in over 2.5 years. I’m really enjoying it. When I left today I told them I was more knackered than I’ve been in a long time but that I have bloody loved my week. It’s a different tired. It’s a justified tired. A satisfied tired rather than that sludgy I’m so exhausted I can’t move tired. There is a buzz about me that I’ve not had for a while.
I really enjoyed my puppy call last night too. I was beaming from ear to ear when I came off that. It was a full 2 hours so far too long but I need to work on that.
It’s very important that I use everything I’ve learned and don’t react to situations as I would have in the past. I need to control my response.
I also wanted to share the photos of Edinburgh in tribute of the year since this pandemic lockdown started. Some stunning shots.
Yes I know…… my first full day of full on work and I schedule a puppy call at 8pm…. 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️😬😳😆
There is a chance this will be the shortest blog today. I’m exhausted but in a good way. Have learned so much today already. It’s been a good day but that’s the most intense period of time I’ve spent on “work” in about 2 years.
I’ve pretty much done what I want, whenever I want for so long that being in one place for 7.5 hours seems like a HUGE commitment…. AND… I have to do it all again tomorrow?!??
Also booked in a puppy call for 8pm tonight but would rather do it today than wait for it tomorrow if that makes sense? I think I might go for a wee nap before then.
I realise yesterday was the anniversary of COVID-19 lockdown in the UK. The country paid tribute to those 126,000 people that have died as a result. I heard about the first person I personally knew that died of COVID-19 just this week. Wee Mo was a member of the cleaning team in my old work and she was always the last person I saw when I left at night. She was the smile at the end of a hard day. She always had a kind word for me. A very special lady.
I still can’t believe how much our lives have changed as a result. I look forward to everything opening back up again and letting us out of the house. Although in these past few days I’ve seen more people than I have on the whole year!!
Not entirely certain why the blog is only on day 361 today….. I seem to be 4 days out but hey. Worse things to worry about.
Woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning after a great sleep. No wonder after yesterday’s excitement! Was out with the dogs by 7.45am but……….FORGOT TO TAKE MY PHONE!!!
So no pics 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣 to be fair it’s a very grey day so they wouldn’t have been that exciting anyway.
Back home and upstairs to plan my dog behaviour calls just in time for Kinesiology at 10am online.
It was another good one this week. We are still working on my weight concerns (note I didn’t say weight issues….) and metabolism blockage. So all of that is now cleared so my weight is going to stop causing me stress. It is what it is and I will deal with it when I have the energy. I am no longer disgusted with myself. Wow. Check me?!?
A week or so back I recorded a video with Shelagh about my journey with Kinesiology. It’s about 27 mins long so not for the faint hearted. I’m gonna add the link below for anyone who is really bored….. actually in all seriousness it’s a good listen if your interested in kinesiology. I’ve been attending sessions for 2.5 years now. Fascinating stuff. You can listen to me rambling on in person for a change.
I did watch this wondering which that chatty confident looking wifie was….. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😬🤣
Which takes me back to the last few days with The Tartan Campervan Co….. I do not give myself any credit for things like this. Craig reminded me that years ago I commented that I would kill to work for a company like that. I knew my skills would be transferable to campervans…. way back then. Years later they offer me a job. I mean this is the stuff that dreams are made of. Things like this happens to everyone else. Not me. Yet here it is. On a plate. Handed to me.
Your amazing comments on my new job really got me thinking last night. I appreciate your support from the bottom of my heart. I do not see what other people see, I see all my imperfections and concerns and worries and stresses. Yet I can do this and I will do this. AND I will really enjoy it.
So we did go to Glasgow today!!! First time in ages…..
Saw none of it….. we went to look at a car for Craig as he is now without Jeep. First thing we see on the motorway?!? A Jeep… yup….
In COVID times you get to test drive by yourself! Think we’ll go for it just checking up on spec etc before we make the final decision.
So….. today has been a wee bit different. I was up with the alarm at 7.15 and in the shower and ready to leave by the back of 8… I had an appointment at The Tartan Camper Co at 9.15am.
I was due to drop the van off for some wiring work to be done but the owner asked if I would consider running a wee project for them. He’d text at the end of last week to ask, completely out of the blue.
They converted Abbie the camper van and we’d chatted about my previous work experience with a large vehicle manufacturer across my various visits here.
So…. check me…. at a desk, with a laptop and an iPhone and waiting on my new email address. We’re going to look at 20 hours a week at the moment to help them update a parts list and pricing etc. Negotiating with suppliers, shopping around, placing orders etc.
I’ve known about this for a few days now and I guess this was the reason for my recent antsy-ness. (I love that antsy-ness appears to actually be a word!!!).
I have taken several deep breaths today. I went to Tartan ready to take on the world, half way through the morning I wondered who the hell I was trying to kid…. me? I haven’t worked in an office since the end of May 2019. What do I know? How can I help? Who do I think I am? Thankfully it passed and I mentally slapped myself about the head….. 🤦🏻♀️
I cannot tell you how huge this step was for me but I’ll take it one day at a time and have to unpack all those boxes in my brain….
Tomorrow I am back to dog behaviour!
So in another piece of good news….
We are so sad to see the Jeep sold today but great that Craig can get a newer car with way better fuel consumption. I am also glad I no longer need a ladder to get into whatever car Craig now decides to drive. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😬🤣 that 2.5 inch lift was just two steps too far for me.
So it’s been a big day. I’ve just realised too that it’s the first day Craig and I have been apart for about 4 months….. (yea I bet he loved it!!) I have seen and talked to a lot of people today. More people than I have seen in 4 months….. I am going to be quiet for the rest of the evening to recover….. (what do you think?!?!)
Ok so this blog is not meant to be a weather forecast but since our weather shapes most of what we do at the weekend it makes sense to mention it….. that and I’ve been naming blogs for so many days you run out of ideas!
Oooooh can you tell where my head it today?!?
So to focus on some good news….
How great is that?!? I’m waiting on my wee blue envelope to come through the door but the UK are rattling through the vaccinations! We’ve been in Covid level 4 regulations and then lockdown for months now. The light at the end of the tunnel is now visible but all the talk of the European 3rd wave is making me think I need to do everything at the end of April when we can….. just in case our freedom is wheeched away from under us.
I felt great this morning, was up bright and breezy, it’s a beautiful morning and Craig and I have a breakfast date at Gro Coffee in Irvine. Wait until you see the photos of the cakes………. 👀
It was exquisite…… I was worried it might be a bit dry but even the pastry was moist. Melt in the mouth. The whole thing did… very quickly!
Came home and went straight out with the dogs!
Sat in Claire’s garden for a coffee once we got home.
I’ve kind of lounged around a bit like someone searching for a purpose…. ALL DAY…..rather than just enjoying the day.
So now I have my feet up in Grans chair… I’ve tried sitting out in the sun on several occasions but it is only 8C and even I can’t sit in that… maybe time for a nap. I hate to say in all my ramblings that I know I am “just tired”… again. Yes again…. its been a lovely day with cake and sea and friends and walks… I have nothing to stress or worry about. Be still my anxious head. Please.
I may have suffered a little dehydration overnight given than my sunburn is a weeeee bit hot. Was awake about 6 ish with my head buzzing away with noise. Nothing significant, just noise. Instead of sleeping I deleted over 3,000 photos off my phone this morning.
Mr Sporty Spice left for the gym about 7.30am so I got up, dressed and walked the dogs!
Back home for a 9am poop scoop followed by a coffee and all of a sudden it’s 2.44pm.
It is so much colder today!!! I’ve been outside that whole time with just a thin hoodie and I was cold. My sunburn is cold…. in fact I am freezing!
I did a wee mod on the van this morning.
I’m sure it will improve performance?!? 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤣 honestly it’s just bit of bright colour on an otherwise dull interior and I’ve just it just because I can and it cost me £5.99!
I have cleaned the van and swept it outZ all good ready for the next time the pups are in it and put sand all over the seats 💺 🤣🤣
Popped next door for a cuppa!
Claire made me cheese on toast too! It was amazing…. AND gave me a hot water bottle.
I came home and have my fleece lined hoodie on and my hat…. and 2 blankets and I still can’t heat up….We’re watching the movie San Andreas…. loadsa drama for a Saturday after almost 3 months in lockdown.
So exactly a year ago today I had a drink. For the first time in 443 days of not drinking I decided to have wine as we were told the pubs were to close on 20th March with immediate effect. I wanted to feel normal, wanted to fit in and wanted to be part of the gang. We had no idea what was going on. Life seemed so strange…. our freedom was being taken away from us in a way it never had been before.
My next door neighbour runs our village pub. She had to close down that night with no idea of when she would reopen. I felt that drinking allowed me to share in her pain. Giving the pub one last hurrah…..
I loved holding the glass, loved that it held wine, loved that I finally felt normal again…. but hated the taste. I felt it right to the tips of my toes. It literally felt like drinking poison… yet I had another and another. To be fair, I only had about 4 glasses but felt rotten the following day.
A year ago today our world was changing. I started writing this blog 8 days after Craig and I went into proper stay at home lockdown. I called it day 8…..I have no real idea why I’m only on day 357 now but we’ll stick with it. I must have duplicated some days along the way 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣 hey I’ll stick with it.
If you’ve been reading for a while you might remember I got a Hope Blamire original painting for Christmas from Craig. Look what Hope posted on Fb yesterday…
She has the gate bug too!!!
I also got a mention from my blogger friend! Go have a read of The Windsor Waffle.
We have a Chinese takeaway booked for tonight so maybe that will heat me up. Sunshine forecast for tomorrow. Thank you in advance!
It’s another BEAUTIFUL day! I have so many photos to share I may finally blow up the blog.
I did do some work this morning. Made calls etc…. Sat outside for some of it. Shorts on again. It was nippy first thing but despite the forecast it was a better day than yesterday. I’d expected dark clouds today but not one.
We went to Portencross this afternoon.
I have a million more photos but I hope this is the best selection. Honestly we have had a breathtaking afternoon. It was so calm, sunny and beautiful. There is nothing on earth like it…. for me anyway. I could have stayed there for sunset too!
What another beautiful day!! Himself was up and away out the door to the gym by 6.30am and I did the whole…. should get up, could walk the dogs, could do this that and the next, could lie here….
Stayed in bed until just after 8am, wide awake, resting and thinking of everything I could of or should have done….
Then, out of nowhere I took the housework by storm….. after coffee of course. I was already on a roll by the time Craig came home but he took the dogs out and I got all the hoovering done, cleaned the bathrooms, got the sheets into a wash and hung them out. A very productive start to the day. Not at all what I had planned but hey… I do my best housework when I sneak up on it!
Just remembered this pic!
Holly had messaged about a walk while was wummin possessed with housework…. now heading up the hill with Calaidh and Leo.
It is lovely today. I had another salad for lunch and sat out in the garden.
This is sooooo funny but so very true of Central Scotland. As soon as the sun shines there will be a guy walking through the streets with his T-shirt or shirt in his hand or tucked in his waste-band…. it doesn’t even have to be that sunny. You will be pleased to know I kept my vest top on 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😆🤣
Had the loveliest day in the sun and have to admit to having a teensy bit of sunburn today. I truly love the outdoors… it’s 6.30pm and I’m still out.
Was home by 6.45pm…. into the shower, washed hair, dried hair and was ready for my 7pm zoom call with the Finding Calm within the Storm group run by Shelagh the Health Kinesiologist. We learnt how to muscle test tonight. Lovely to spend time chatting to likeminded ladies!
Yesterday’s big announcement from Nicola Sturgeon as follows!!!!!!!
The 26th April is the key date. Travel across Scotland is relaxed so I can meet mum and dad finally!!!!! It still seems so long away but at least there is an end in sight.
So I had a puppy call at 9am this morning, nice and early. Would much rather that than wait until evening. All went well.
After the puppy call I had about another hour and a half of calls to make. Spoke to some lovely people having lots of problem with their dogs.
Then…… this appears……. 😋
I asked if he was going for the best husband ever award…. he said “No, I’ve got that already, I’m just trying to maintain it”…… 😆😆😆
Of course I brought it outside as 11C in the shade means us Scots are outside wherever possible remember.it was soooo tasty!
This is vest top weather. Beautiful. I am so grateful for the warmth of the sun. The smell of it on my skin.
Less grateful to the roofer a few doors down… Bhruic has made it her life mission to bound around the garden and bark with over exuberant energy every time he uses the blow torch. Cue the Glasgow fish wife (me…. screaming at her) trying to get her to shut up instead of employing my calm and collected dog behavioural training. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ I am my own worst enemy.
Despite a fairly upbeat work ethic today…. I am now tired. I’m sitting outside in the sun, in recommended vest top just breathing in the sunshine rays and it feels good. The warmth is lovely. (Sunbathing is my only vice…. I know the negatives… I just love it a bit too much!)
I sat about in the sun until about 3.30pm and Leo came in from next door for a visit!
Craig had been washing the Jeep and always uses the last of the water to cool the pups off. This is Bhruic drying herself off!!
I finally decided to take Freya for a walk as I was tired but a wee bit bored and didn’t want to do anything else.
Everything is starting to come through now. Spring is really springing in Scotland finally…. 🏴🌸🌺🌻🌼
A good day. I’ve spent the whole day wanting to head to the coast for sunset in the van. Been talking about it since lunchtime but in all honesty I am tired. (Yes, again…..)
There’s always tomorrow.
Right now I have my feet up and I’m contemplating a wee 40 winks before dinner. Prawn noodle stir fry tonight. Check me.
I would like to think that I share my woundedness on a daily basis so that others may realise they are not alone. This is a very tough time for us all and we need to remember how had it has been. Our way of life has changed.
Another great sleep but when I opened one eye this morning I do that assessment of how I think I might be feeling….. hmmmm sadly not great but also not as bad as yesterday morning so that’s a real bonus. There are no tears. Thank you!!
So… up, head screwed on facing forwards and first coffee of the day.
It’s only 11C but it feels warm enough to sit out. One thing any of my international followers may not be aware of… if the sun shines in Scotland, we down tools and head outside. Now obviously this is not always possible but if it is… we do it. Everything changes for the weather. Maybe I’m only talking for our household, my parents, my in laws, my friends… you get the picture…. we head outside.
So I have poo picked, swept the artificial grass (yup…..) hung out 2 washings. We very rarely give ourselves the luxury of sitting still in the sunshine as there are things to be done. Sitting out tends to come when we have a consistent run on good weather. In mid March this cannot be guaranteed!!!
Forgot to say yesterday we had a Happy Birthday goody bag at the door for Calaidh, Bhruic and Freya!! It was doggy birthday cake from Muck, our friends Golden Retriever.
They loved it! I have so many photos of licking tongues….
So I’m now up at my desk making dog behaviour enquiry calls. Window wide open, sun streaming in…… if alcohol free Carlsberg did offices……. 🥰
Booked another puppy call for tomorrow!!
I received an emergency text from one of the lovely Gateside Crochet Hookers who I haven’t seen in like forever……
I mean who could ignore such an urgent plea for help! So the afternoon was spent drinking coffee and talking through how to do a granny square with Anne. Lovely to catch up after all this time.
Is there a limit to the number of coffees you should have in a day? Thinking when you suffer from anxiety that 6 might be a bit much?!?!?? #shakes
Back home in time for dinner and (drum roll please!!!!!!!) I made Chickpea curry and ate it in under 45 minutes. (who actually am I?!?) I forgot to take a photo of it as I genuinely wolfed it down. Only one thing missing (and don’t shout MEAT….) flavour…. yip. Maybe made it with too much haste and skipped an ingredient. It smells lovely but tastes bland.
Now out for a walk with Claire . It’s been a beautiful day. It’s cooler now but a real sign of brighter days to come.
I knew this morning it would be one of these days. I didn’t want to open my eyes… couldn’t open my eyes. A real deep seated exhaustion type of sleep the feels very lovely when you’re in it but very hard to wake up from.
Then along come the tears. Streaming for no real reason. I guess an anger at my lethargy and tears helps fuel it. Why can’t I pull myself together, why can’t I just be normal.
Then some clarity. Lockdown is bloody hard. I’ve hardly seen anyone in a year. There are no hugs and kisses… life is a strange distanced dance that we now do round about anyone we meet.
I need to listen to my body telling me it needs to rest… instead of being angry and upset at it. It takes me until about 11.30 to realise this though.
I have a headache and stomach cramp so today was always going to be a yucky kind of day.
It’s a lovely morning and my lovely neighbour is off today so messaged suggesting a cuppa or a walk. So we set off out with Bhruic and Freya.
I know I’m getting nothing done today and I have to accept it. I have some breakfast, message the few enquiries from over the weekend and advise them I’ll call tomorrow as I know a day of rest will clear my head.
Claire took Calaidh out for a walk later on as she was going anyway. So lovely of her. I haven’t slept yet but I have rested, no phone, no book, no crochet, just eyes shut resting.
I just love the sound of Suzanne’s voice. She practices in North Vancouver. My friend from primary one who lives there recommended her!
So back up at 10, showered and then over to help with the local pub’s Mother’s Day cream tea prep!!
We got everything ready and packed into bags for either delivery or collection.
Here it is all set up in Claire’s garden! She really kindly invited me to share hers since I couldn’t see my mum today.
She had such a beautiful set up. Had lots of cake and Nosecco, what’s not to love. We sat outside until just before 5pm!
She had the gazebo set up, a wee hot water bottle, hand warmer and blanket so while it rained for a bit it was warm enough being outside. At the end of the afternoon she picked up leftovers to take them into the house and the sun came out…… typical Scottish weather. The forecast has been so much worse than it ended up being! We were so lucky!
I got home after 5 and had a FaceTime with Mum. I’d wanted to catch up earlier but time totally disappeared. I’d got really upset earlier on that I’d missed her. She opened her present and we had a quick chat.
Then….. I did it all again!!! Cream tea and Nosecco with Craig this time. Wow!!
So this little pupper turned 4 today.
This was the photo that led to us getting a third dog…. little Runtie pup.
She was super tiny and hardly had any ears!
Hope all you lovely mothers out there had a lovely day. Thinking of those of you who don’t have your mums any more. I feel awful that I didn’t dedicate much time to mum today but will get a good phone catch up this week.
On the 2nd January 2019 when I decided to try Dry January I had no idea and actually would have scoffed, at the idea of giving up for good. Not me, never in a million years.
I was sooooo sick of it. That period after Christmas and New Year when you’ve eaten so much and drank so many different tipples that you stand at the bar (we live next door to a pub…) and can’t even decide what to drink. You WILL drink alcohol as not to drink it is just…. well…. a bit weird…. but the thought of it gives you the boak.
Desperately searching for something a bit different to still give you the kick but not taste the same as all the stuff you drank over the last few weeks.
I didn’t have a healthy relationship with alcohol. You would never have known… I don’t think I drank any more or any less than anyone else. Not remembering the night before is something to be praised, high fived, check you, you were fun. What they didn’t know was that I was actually blacking out. If I drank too fast, keeping up with rounds or on an empty stomach I seemed to absorb it faster than anyone else. Again you wouldn’t have known…. but I had ZERO recollection of so many nights. Not even a hint. I could hear the story of the night and not remember ANY of it after a certain point.
I think my life revolved around it. I got in the car after leaving work and couldn’t wait for that glass in my hand. I wanted to make sure I had my fair share of a bottle and didn’t want to lose out…. heaven forbid someone would get more out of a bottle than I would.
I turned nasty the minute I got in the door and would call Craig everything under the sun. I’d wake up the morning with the shame and fear wash over…. what had I said, what had I done, where had I fallen asleep?! Dogs room floor ✅ hall way on the cold stone floor ✅ pub ✅ to name but a few.
I was actually hiding how desperately unhappy I had become. I was a square peg fitting into that round hole. I was forever to be a person I didn’t want to be at work, I lived to work, weekends were for drinking to drown out how much I hated it then back into that weekly cycle. Holidays were about that first drink… ahhhhh that’s better. Now you can relax.
Through Dry Jan 2019 I connected with a few people and shared stories and seemed we were on the same path. One guy, Darren Mitchell had decided to set up a FB group called After Dry January as he didn’t know what to do after January…… it went from there. After a short time he asked me to be admin of the group along with him and these guys have become the structure of my sober life. They were there every step of the way. Even through my mental health journey, long before I started the blog, they were there with support.
Craig has been amazing too. Like me, he expected me to take a short break and life would “get back to normal”. It just didn’t happen. We have settled into an easy way of life. I moan if I have to buy it for him but it doesn’t bother me.
I have had to face this anxiety and depression without that crutch. there is no hiding from it, not getting away from the pain. It’s right there in your face. Guess you see why I put on 4 stone now?!? 🍫🍫🍫
I did drink twice in the last 802 days. Once the day the pubs shut for lockdown 1.0 and again when the pubs opened at the end of it. I drank what had been my favourite Rosè wine in the pub. I hated the taste, hated the way it made me feel and yet knew I would keep going. Both times about 4 glasses. I wanted to “fit in”, wanted to be “normal”.
Those 2 instances showed me that nothing had changed and it’s just not for me. I can’t moderate. I chose to control my life rather than give the control to the drink.
It’s been hard, I’ve been questioned about it so many times, people scoff, people laugh but most folk now accept it.
Alcohol free options are also getting better and better.
So now that I’ve lost half my readers…… 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣 I just wanted to say that it’s such a huge part of my journey that I can’t not mention it. It’s an awkward subject, a bit taboo…. must have been issues…. it didn’t suit me, I wish it did but it didn’t so here I am counting teacups on Try Dry!!!
Oh wow… so….another weekend. Nothing to do except stay at home.
I had a puppy zoom call with a client this morning that went really well. Was finished for 12. Craig was down clearing the shed so I went to have a look at that and have been in front of the computer ever since. Oh must show you last nights Gateside Inn Cajun chicken burger….
We have to cook our own dinner tonight. Boo…. Not sure what I’ll do with the rest of today. I’m thinking movie….. crochet or read?!?! Or nap……. yeah yeah yeah… Decisions of lockdown.
Head wise I’m not the best today. a little lack of confidence. A little antsy. A little tired. But that’s ok.
It has literally been windy and pouring or blue sky today which is weather very typical of Scottish April. Yep… no matter how lockdown seems it’s still only March. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😳😬😆
I woke at 4am to torrential rain and couldn’t get back to sleep. My mind was racing just about “stuff”…. I must have fallen back to sleep as woke again just after 8am. Claire was on holiday today so we’d agreed to look for a dry slot for a walk in the day…. she messaged at 8.15 and said it was dry so I asked if she wanted to go now?!? She said she’d be 5 minutes. I told her I may have needed 6 😬😆 was still in bed and had the dogs to get ready too!
The heavens opened not far from the house and it was a biting cold wind. I had a very cold face 🥶
Freya was with us but never seemed to make it into any photos.
It rained a lot after our walk though too, it’s just been really dark and then bright sunlight all day.
I had the wee one for home schooling for an hour and watched her draw the most amazing pic of her super mum!!
I then kind of faffed about until 2pm. Shelagh from Kinesiology asked me to do record a video about my journey with her alternative therapy. How did I feel before I started seeing her and what had been the change in my life since?
I got myself all worked up and overthought every bit of it and was really nervous. Of course the minute I speak to Shelagh I relax and it all flowed fine. I’ll share a link to it when I get it.
We have Gateside Inn takeaway tonight as it’s Friday. It’s 3.30pm and I’m already on the couch. It’s a coorie in kind of day…
Keep warm everyone, spring is just around the corner… honest.