There’s been so much going on in the background for Mum’s 70th birthday today. I can finally talk about it.

So yeah Mum was born on 18th February 1951 at 2.10am (that wasn’t a secret😆 ) and she’s having to celebrate her 70th while we are still in lockdown.

I am gutted that I can’t even drive over to her house for a hug and a kiss let alone to celebrate with her. So many people have gone through big birthdays in lockdown… these are really strange times.

So mum and dad are alone in the house all day with lots of different people dropping in by way of Zoom call. The last east “new normal”.

We started just after 9am and had a call with her and Dad to show her the birthday video we’ve been compiling. Dad gave me contact details weeks back and I’ve been trying to get hold of lots of family and mums friends to make a wee happy birthday message for her.

Craig found a package called Vidday and it allows people to upload directly. You can then save them in the order you want, add music, add photos and out comes the most professional looking birthday clip film. We did have to pay for it but it wasn’t expensive.

I wish everyone who sent in a clip, could have seen her face as she watched it for the first time…. it was so wonderful to watch the recognition and love as each person came on to do their bit. She cried, I cried…. it was lovely!

This was just the start of Mum’s zoom calls today. Here she’s reading a card that came with some lovely flowers that arrived when we were on the call.

We then had a family chat with mums cousin Dave in Australia, her cousin Joyce in Edinburgh and my Auntie Marion in Penicuik. It’s Dave’s 65th birthday today. Was so lovely to catch up with everyone. Dad was playing around with zoom filters…. poor mum ended up with a bow on this snap!

While mum was then off for a zoom coffee with the ladies she walks with, my anxiety slapped me in the face.

I’ve been all over the place today. So emotional, lots of tears, worrying about nothing, no real logical explanation for it other than I feel rotten.

The omeprazole has still not worn off yet so I feel squeamish and have a sore stomach. It feels gripey. I don’t even know what that means but I know it’s the right word. I’m so tired too.

Cue the anxiety….. ask me a question and my head empties and I’m short of breath. I get irritated because I can’t think straight and that’s a vicious circle.

I came off the zoom call this morning came downstairs and burst into tears. I think we’ve been alone for so long that seeing so many people at once is overwhelming. It’s like I’ve just been reminded that we have all this lovely family and we haven’t seen each other for so long. It made me feel proud to be a part of but sent me back to all the years we have lost not seeing enough of each other. I’m thinking of my Gran and Grandpa and Auntie Pat and Uncle Tom who were the reason we are family and all on a zoom together. It makes me remember the past parties when they were all there and miss them all. Auntie Pat always used to kiss us on the lips with a huge big smackerooni. It makes me smile even typing that though that’s the tears on now too. I’m sad that the past has gone.

It’s no wonder I’m exhausted, honestly does my head ever stop?!?!

Craig has been so supportive all day…. I told him he just needed to tell me what to do as I couldn’t think straight. Don’t worry he kept it clean…. We went to the Co-op to get snacks for mums zoom party tonight.

I had posted Abbie with her new wheels on a VW FB group last night and got a few negative comments…. the speedo would be a mile out and RIP gearbox so that freaked me out…. random people making random comments that I decide to take as gospel. I phoned our local garage and they put my mind at ease. The speedo will not be fully accurate but the gearbox will be fine. They gave me ideas around tracking my speed so that was one thing ticked off the list.

Next on my list was a bath. I don’t do baths…. Craig said a bath would do me good. It did. But, always a but….. I didn’t give myself enough time to relax and ended up being half an hour late for the 3pm family and friends zoom!! You can imagine….. I was ROASTING from the bath, drying my hair only made me hotter… poor Auntie Jac called just before 3pm to ask about the zoom link… head empties, can’t help her as I can’t even think straight about what she’s doing. Told her to ask me for help!!! She does and I’m like…………………. 🤷🏻‍♀️😳

Anyway late to zoom and very red in the face but actually have started to calm down. Lovely to see some “weel kent faces” on this one too. All of them had done a video for mum so it was lovely to see them after having been in touch recently. More reminders of how life has changed, more regrets at not seeing more of everyone.

At least now I am calm. (No wonder….. I’m exhausted with all the panicking and overthinking!) I’m worried about mum who hasn’t stopped all day and I know it will be so much more do her to take in as it’s all for her.

I had dog behaviour calls to make next and had ZERO confidence picking up the phone to people. Yet actually that’s what’s turned me around I think. I did perfectly well on the calls and came off quite proud of the way I’d come across. No faffing, no empty head, no breathlessness. Done.

At 7.30pm we’ll have birthday party Zoom with mum, dad and brother, sister in law and nephew. We have lots of snacks…. Prosecco for Craig and Nosecco for me.

As sent the most amazing looking box of Macarons.

Looking forward to getting my teeth into these. There are so amazing flavours in there.

I hope mum had a lovely birthday. I’ve been so excited about today. I didn’t plan to have all this anxiety but it is what it is and tomorrow is another day.

Stay safe everyone 🎂🎂🎂