Day 1112 and the days just march on!

The best sleep last night. Woke at 5am, when the Scottish Dog Behaviourist got up and felt like I wouldn’t get back to sleep.

My mind was racing with all the thoughts of the coming day. I tried to pull myself back into the present moment and appreciate that I could still lie in bed for another hour or so.

I actually thought how it would feel if I jumped in to bed on a Saturday afternoon for a nap. I am aware of a completely different feeling wash over me. Rather than the Monday morning stress of desperately trying to sleep when you know you have to get up in an hour, I snuggled down and appreciated an afternoon cozy nap.

I had to fight the Monday morning feeling a few times but I ultimately relaxed more than I was.

I went into work early to get my Vinted sales ready for posting. I’ve order shipping bags but they won’t come until tomorrow and two of the girls who bought from me wanted the parcels really quickly.

I found my anxiety really mounting.

What if I send the wrong thing to the wrong person, what if they are not clean enough, what if there are too many dog hairs when the parcel arrives, what if, what if, what if?!?!

I had some bags from the house and cut a big one up in work to make the other two. What if I’m not wrapping them properly? What if they rip? What if? What if? What if?

They have to be sent with Evri and we have an Evri depot across from work. The guy who delivers from us has always said if we have anything then just to pop over with it.

I cannot tell you how hard I find that….. walking out the yard and over their car park. Even writing this at 7.20pm I feel the anxiety welling up inside of me.

I know it is ridiculous. I feel everyone is watching me as I walk across their huge car park…. Which stretches for miles as I start to cross it. It keeps getting longer. Folk in the warehouse are looking at me wondering what on earth I am doing.

The welcome from our normal Evri man seems like a figment of my imagination….

The guy I speak to looks at me like I have three heads. He has never heard of the concept of someone dropping off parcels for onward delivery… 🤦🏻‍♀️

He takes my bag out of my hand, extremely reluctantly. He walks across to a big bin-like crate, and dumps them in, walks back to me, hands me my bag and his work is done.

I, on the other hand, dissolve inside like the world is about to end. My precious parcels are dumped in a tub and as far as I know, they might never be seen again!!!!

I know…… I hear myself but honestly I cannot tell you how bad it feels at the time.

It’s like a panic attack. The anxiety ripples and waves through me.

I called Craig on the way back to talk me down.

After all this time I still need someone else to tell me it will be ok….. even if I have to tell them that they just have to tell me it will be ok!! (Read that again if you have to…. It does make sense eventually!!)

A few things in work continue this new anxiety thing but eventually I settle down into the rhythm of the day.

Around 11am I get 4 notifications that my parcels have been scanned. I actually laugh out loud!!

Work was good, but busy with visitors so I didn’t touch much of what I needed to do.

I didn’t finish up until 4.30 but I met some lovely people today. One woman and I are convinced we’ve met before but neither of us could place it…. Funny when that happens.

I stayed on to wash Abbie the camper van as she was soooo dirty.

Just noticed the reflection of the Tartan Campers logo!

Home for some lovely Craigie venison lasagne and garlic bread. Very grateful to come home to such a lovely dinner. He’s awright sometimes really. 🙄😂😘

Now doing a face mask that randomly matches my hoodie.

And relax!

Stay safe everyone 💙💙💙