Day 908 a dry, sunny Sunday!

Today could have so easily gone one of two ways. I felt very shaky this morning. Hanging by a thread, trying to keep it together. Trying to be normal, trying to focus on the positives. Trying to be grateful for all that I have. Craig says I should tell him when I feel bad but I didn’t own up to it today (like he can’t guess 😳😬) and I find it makes things a bit better for us both if I can find the strength to turn it around.

I feel like the minute I have a good day something comes along and whaps me between the eyes. Just when you think you’ve got it all together the universe will shows me that it’s not done with me yet.

I woke up yesterday morning full of the joys of autumn (ok I know that’s not quite the saying) … took the dogs out and got into an altercation with a dog that ran up to us not on a lead. None of it my fault but hey, you know me, adrenaline had me buzzing for about 20 minutes after it…. Almost in tears, shaking…..

Come home and try to relax. Then find out we have some other financial commitment over the next few months that we weren’t expecting. COME ON, GIMME (us) A BREAK!

I had a relaxing and thoughtful afternoon, trying to be present in the moment as worrying doesn’t change anything. I watched Meet Joe Black on Netflix and I howled!!!!! Proper sobbed…… it wasn’t just about Meet Joe Black. That film pandered to my “life is short, live it to the max” fear….. maybe not the best choice.

At least I slept well. Almost 10 hours.

So back to this morning, I’m shaky. The whole day stretches in front of me with no plans. A dream for so many of us, yet fraught with danger for me. What to do for the best. I need to rest but I need to not be bored and I need to get “stuff” done.

I start to potter after my bacon roll. I clean things that haven’t been cleaned for a while and it feels good. It helps clear my head. The porcelain white kitchen sink is gleaming.

It’s actually a really nice day outside. We open the windows, I sit and have a coffee, feel that wobble come back, get back up and get on with some more cleaning. I start throwing stuff out that we no longer use. It feels good.

Craig’s been down in the big shed most of the day clearing it out so we’ve both made the best of the day.

I have actually recorded my mood, for the last few days, in the Balance menopause app. One of my lovely friends recommended I start recording it just to see if there’s any pattern to it. Watch this space.

Check this pair…. The two headed dog!

I sat outside and crocheted at one point and despite being Scotland on the 2nd October, it was actually very warm.

I’ve joined the first row of my new blanket and I’m really pleased with it. It’s a new stitch (for me) that raises the join between the colours. It makes me smile as it starts to come together.

So yeah, a good day but I definitely had to work at it. I could so easily have slipped into self pity and wallow mode.

Craig made a lasagne yesterday and it’s honestly the best one he’s ever made. We’re having that for dinner again tonight. It’s in the oven just now and my mouth is watering.

These are difficult times for us all just now. It’s hard not to look at others and compare. At least tomorrow, I know I head to a job without aggression, without management by fear and I haven’t spent all weekend dreading it. That’s something to be very grateful for.

So I hope you all have a great week ahead. Just take each moment as it comes. Nothing more, nothing less. Be present in the moment.

Oh and try not to cry when you least expect it. That always helps.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️