The blog I mean… the blog is gonna be a quick one tonight. Clean your mind!

It’s 19.24 and I’ve just sat down and even then I shouldn’t be. I have things that need doing but my head won’t think straight!

Awake at 5.30am again but calmly and not in a crazy anxious state thankfully. I’ve not slept well all week for some reason. Ok that’s not true, I’ve slept fine just woken up early every day.

Another busy day at Tartan HQ with two customer hand overs!

It’s been a really busy week but the boys have done a great job and both customers vans were ready ahead of schedule. It’s quarter end tomorrow and we finished a day early. Onto next quarter’s work already. A good feeling.

I didn’t get home until about 5.30 and have been cleaning and packing Abbie the camper van ready for another wee trip away this weekend.

Auntie Jac and I are off up to Arisaig for two nights…. This is where we are going to be!

I love the turquoise sea and pure white soft sand! Don’t know how much of the colour we will see as the forecast is pretty wet for the weekend but we will make the most of it!

It’s a good 3 hour drive so lots of exploring to do!

I have the Fit Body Farm at 6am then home, packed up and ready for the off.

So just had a wee last minute pop in next door to meet the new addition to the family!

The photo doesn’t do it justice and show how small he/she is. Just a teeny, weeny, gorgeous bundle of fluff.

I’m off to bed very shortly. I’m looking forward to some exploring and chill time!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

So yeah…. This happened!! 1,000 days without an alcoholic drink since January 2019.…. Who’d a thunk it as my Gran would say! That saying always makes me smile.

By Dec 2018 I knew enough was enough and I thought I’d take a break and try Dry January 2019. That period between Christmas and New Year when you’ve had so much to eat and drink that you stand at the bar in the pub and just can’t think what you can force down your throat this time. Drinking Prosecco while really struggling to keep it down but hey it’s just what you do eh?!?

Eh no…….

I wasn’t any worse than anyone else but I didn’t like how alcohol made me feel. I hated that “fear” the next morning….. there were unexplained bruises, hellish hangovers and awful cringeworthy moments. Any excuse to have a glass of wine in my hand. That ahhhhhhh moment that made everything seem all ok. It numbed the pain of a very stressful job with a horrific commute.

So I started on 2nd January 2019 and “celebrated”’my last hurrah on 1st Jan… as you do. I’ve slipped twice. The day the pubs announced they had to close on 20th March 2020. 443 days in I sunk a bottle of wine like it was the end of the world. It was disgusting, I hated even the sip at the start. It made me feel weird…. And on I drank. I couldn’t stop. I felt like hell the next day and beat myself up.

So I did it again on 15th July 2020. The pubs were re-opening (should say I live next door to a pub…) so I “celebrated” the re-opening. I didn’t want to be the odd one out. Again disgusting (and that’s not a criticism of the pub wine!) Same story as before. I carry those two days about with me as a cross to bear. Why is it I focus on them rather than the 998 when I used sheer bloody willpower and didn’t have a drink?!?! You knew I was hard work eh??!

So here I am… who’d a thunk it as my gran would say. 1000 days without alcohol. She who self medicated with it has gone it alone.

It’s been a very hard journey yet sitting here now it seems easy. I was so jealous of every minute I spent around drinkers. It was so hard. I felt left out. I had to decline drinks left, right and centre. But I did it. I am proud to be a non-drinker. I used to turn up my nose at non-drinkers. I never understood it and felt threatened by it. Not any more.

So my next count is I’m now 47 days without antidepressants and I’m pleased to say that today was so much better than yesterday. The non emotional, in control Julie turned up today.

Yesterday was awful and I didn’t sleep great either. I didn’t get up for the Farm this morning as I needed more rest. I feel so much calmer today. It’s such a relief after the drama I created yesterday.

So what’s the difference today?! Well….. this might be the craziest thing I’ve ever shared… but I have a crystal that helps balance my chakras. (Yeah I know, ok, bear with me….)

This crystal is programmed by a company called Lifetransformers. net….. now I know and I would have been reluctant before so I hear you rolling your eyes at this. 🤣

Well you can scoff if you like but all I can say is…. Popped the crystal into a wee bag and into my bra and it’s done the trick. Now you can just stop laughing. I will regret sharing this I’m sure 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️but I am night and day compared to yesterday. If a wee crystal in my undies changed that then let me have it. (That sounds so ridiculous…. I’m aware)

I’ve had this crystal for a while and it’s been helping so I left it at home. Forgot about it. Course I never mentioned it before as you’d think I was crazy…… suddenly thought about it this morning as my anxiety wasn’t great again first thing.

Boom. Job done. I’m hoping you focus on my 1,000 days and forget all about this.

So that’s all for today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🥳

I’m off to meet the Crochet Hookers tonight then an early night again.

I want to say thanks so much to everyone for reading and supporting me. It means a lot.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

So it didn’t start well. I think my cheap step count watch has a mind of its own. I woke at 4.43am and given the vibration from the watch that followed…. For the next half hour or so, I can only imagine that’s what woke me. I’ve raised a complaint that I can’t control the screen. There’s a theme here with the day. Lack of control.

I was wide awake. I couldn’t stop thinking about things that needed doing today….. I tried breathing exercises. They work for a few inhales and exhales then another thought pops into my head. Repeat. Repeat. You get the gist.

I decide I’d be better off getting up and heading into work and doing things rather than lying in bed mulling everything over. I got up at 5.45.

I knew my anxiety was a bit off the scale today. I feel a bit breathless and my mind flits from one thing to the next and I can’t think straight.

I talk it through. I put it aside. I write a list.

I am bit sad tonight. Sad that I had a bad day and I want to just be able to shrug it off. Instead I seem to choose to wallow in it.

To be fair I did alright today. I do pretty damn good despite everything.

I’ve eaten a lot of calories to compensate. At 999 days without alcohol I really could have done with one tonight. Instead I chose crisps and cheesecake for dinner.

I took the dogs out for a walk. I think I missed a good sunset as the sky was really pretty.

The dogs were a nightmare on the walk. Maybe I was the nightmare on the walk. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I need to learn not to get so angry and upset when the anxiety kicks in. It’s not the end of the world. It just feels like it at the time.

As I sit here swithering whether to post this or not…. I realise that today has been nowhere near as bad as I think it was. It’s just in my head. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow what a long and busy day! It’s 19.08 and I’m ready to crash!

The Fit Body Farm was soooo good this morning. I’d been awake on and off through the night worrying about parts that needed ordered for work. Nothing I can do about it at 3am but I couldn’t get it out my head! I really tried.

So I was tired when the alarm went off but the Farm was exactly what I needed!

I loved it. We were indoors this morning as it was torrential rain. I felt invigorated with every exercise. I was aware that I started off unable to do some of them properly and got stronger at them as time went on. Apart from throwing a wall ball at a guy next to me on pretty much 75% of the time I was throwing it… I loved the feeling of getting it right. Upping the weights I was usually do and enjoying the present moment rather than waiting for it all to be over!

Seriously check me. I was all kinds of proud of myself!

I got to work and mum sent me this…. It brought a wee tear to my eye.

There weren’t many of us in work today so I had big plans to get lots of things done that I didn’t manage last week….

Big plans.

T’was not to be.

I seem to be a bit of a martyr when it comes to being busy and having lots to do. Even after all this time. I should know better. I have a million reasons why I can’t take lunch. I have a million reasons why I need to stay late for a customer sign off….

I feel really bad if I haven’t done something I feel I should have. Read those words carefully. It’s all me being hard on me. Still.

I feel really bad if I feel I’ve let someone down. I still have this level of perfection that I can never quite achieve. I’m a hard taskmaster. Thankfully I have a great team around me that tell me to “go take a walk in the field”…… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 when they can tell it might be taking over.

I actually made myself some dinner tonight. Pesto pasta. I’m watching Grace and Frankie as I write this… it helps me relax and gives me a good giggle.

I am calm now. I need to try harder to remain calm when things don’t go my perfect way.

I’m looking forward to my bed already and I’ve only been home for an hour and a half!

Tomorrow’s a new day and another chance to chill the “heck” out. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow what a grump. Everything is irritating me today and I mean everything….. I feel overwhelmed by mess in the house, stuff everywhere, things that “should” be done. I can feel my head frizzling with electricity almost.

When I typed that it said “drizzling” and to be fair it made the corners of my mouth turn up slightly… the closest thing to a smile.

So it’s 3pm and I’ve sat down. What is wrong and what’s causing it….. how do I shake myself out of it?? I write my daily rambles and hope the reason becomes clear.

I’m tired. Last night was a lovely party. It’s my sis-in-laws 40th, she looked stunning and had a great time.

It took a lot out of me. The whole getting ready etc, I was really looking forward to it so I think I’d already used a lot of energy up before I got there. 🤣

I wasn’t comfortable with what I was wearing….. I proudly wore my alcohol free badge…. Not literally of course 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 but despite me holding strong in my 997 days without alcohol under my belt…. I guess I feel a bit like a fish out of water….not sure why I feel so defined by the not drinking thing.

Now there’s a plethora of alcohol free choices (just wanted to used that word!) but I just didn’t seem to relax. I was on edge, worried about saying the wrong thing or embarrassing myself. I feel quite strongly about my decisions and seem to want everyone else to understand and feel it too. Its not a nice feeling…. Anxiety at its best.

I joined in lots of conversations but it didn’t come as naturally as it used to. Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t been to anything like that for about 3 years, maybe it’s COVID, maybe it’s the not drinking and maybe it’s just me “feeling” the situation after 43 days off anti-depressants.

That said I did see all the lovely people that I haven’t seen in a very long time and it was nice to get some big hugs. 🤗

Oh and there was lots of very tasty pizza, my mother in laws lasagne (which is amazing!) AND chocolate fountain!!!

It’s crazy. I feel so much better already… writing it down instead of letting it all rumble round.

You know what….. I did something different and my anxiety overreacted a bit. That simple.

Look a the lovely Ivy changing colour for autumn. It puts on a great show every day. How’s that for a change of subject?!?

So this morning was all about the dog walk. I took Freya and Bhruic out for a big walk first thing. We’re looking after Leo the Cockapoo today as our neighbours are at a wedding.

I took Calaidh and Leo out next.

They had lots of fun! So it’s 11.30 and all the dogs are walked but Craig had a great morning and moved loads of wood into the wood store, he picked potatoes and tidied up loads in the back garden. It’s good to come back home to see all that done.

The sky is really dramatic today. It’s forecast to pour with rain and yet it never comes.

So I’m trying to write the blog… but Leo wants cuddles!!

I’ve not had the best of days but I can honestly say that it’s all been in my own head and writing this has turned it around.

I’m still trying to focus on appreciating the present. I haven’t done that today. I’ve been too caught up in everything else.

I’m back in that zone.

This is your Sunday evening reminder that you can handle everything this week throws at you. Handle it better than I did today.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It’s not like me to go to the shops these days. It’s not my favourite thing to do anymore. It certainly used to be but I’m not a fan anymore. We’ve got a party to go to tonight and she who rambles and lies like a sloth has no decent makeup to wear.

I’d borrowed some yesterday but it’s a bit to pale so I thought I’d go and get my eyebrows threaded and buy something more in line with my skin tone. Check me.

I have actually blow dried my hair every time I washed it this week AND worn mascara and eye liner every day this week. I always used to wear it before but haven’t for a long time. I don’t know why but I felt the need to make the change after my holiday. Like I’m coming back. Check me.

So back to today, I jumped in the van and headed to Braehead for it opening at 9am. Got there at 8.56 😂

My engagement ring has been in need of repair since just after the first lockdown. The diamond becomes unseated in the claws. I’ve lived with it like that most of the time.

The last time I took it in it cost me £175 to repair. I was so angry when it happened again but we were right back in to another lockdown.

This was me finally taken back. As a different person.

The old me would have been so angry.

The new me explains the situation calmly but makes it very clear that I am very unhappy the single, most expensive thing we’ve ever bought jewellery wise doesn’t seem fit for purpose. It’s away off for repair again. We’ll see what they say.

So I had a wander, eyebrows threaded and bought some new makeup 💄 in Boots and then my stomach did a dreadful tumbling like motion. Like it dropped.

I should say hear that Craig was violently sick last night just before bed and we reckoned it must have been something he’d eaten.

One minute he was fine, the next minute he’s auditioning for a role in Alien 👽 oh my god….. ive never heard him be sick before and sincerely hope I never will again.

Back to the stomach. (Haha it just gurgled as I typed that…. Funny….) it was all over the place. I got the sweats, I had that sick feeling in my mouth. I went to the toilets and thankfully wasn’t sick. Back in the van, missed out on my planned coffee treat and straight back home to bed.

I was in bed for 3 hours!! Asleep for about 2. Musta needed it!!!

When I woke up I saw I was missing this lovely sun outside.

It didn’t last long! Calaidh and I went out for a walk. should say here that the tummy issues seems to be resolved in our dog world just not so much in ours…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Bhruic is also in season now which is always a joy to behold. We’ll be cleaning up after her for a while now and the other two will join her in the next few days.

Honest to god I have now inhaled a fly!!!!!!!!! I don’t need to be coughing with this dodgy constitution……

Must have swallowed it as the coughing didn’t last long thankfully. We saw some coos.

Back home for shower, makeup, hair dry and getting ready to go out. It’s been a long time. My face has more wrinkles than the last time I tried to whap foundation on it. I’m sure of it.

I think I’ve had a pretty lazy day today but it’s been good. We all need it at times.

Here goes!

Have a great Saturday night!

Stay safe everyone ♥️💄♥️

It’s 7.56am. I’ve been in my bedroom since about 3 pm yesterday. Are we there yet?!??

Now I’m not gonna lie. Despite feeling a bit shady I relished the notion of coming home yesterday, laptop in tow, gathering up some crucial things, books, crochet a cup of coffee… and having to shut the door and just chill.

But it’s a very strange reality. I think at this early stage I could be over the one room thing. I have an allocated bathroom which I get to wearing my mask but I’ve been twice already this morning just for the adventure. 🚶🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️😷

It feels like Craig and I are not talking. It feels like he’s in a huff and slept on the couch 🤣🤣. Yet he’s been running around like a maddie making sure I have what I need…. Except this morning. He had a wee lie in and only just surfaced about 10 mins ago…. I need coffee….. ☕️😂 I’ve been awake since 6.30am. Instead of rolling over and going back to sleep I thought jeez….. wonder when I’ll get the results… it’s only 6.30am… what will I do in here all day?!?!?

Now this is actually a godsend. It’s typical that when we get the one thing we crave for…. Enforced downtime…. We’d rather do something else. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

So I’m going to make the most of it.

I already have lots of motivational things to share!

So update on how I feel. Genuinely not bad. A bit sniffly but still just like a cold. I could smell and taste dinner so all good.

Th bump on my head is still gowping.

I frantically searched for a large bruised lump on the mirror this morning… it’s that sore…..but there only a faint line which mirrors the headliner perfectly. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🥳

So at 9.11am this came through…

The first feeling is a relief but then honestly the second one not so much. I ran through to the living room and started hugging Craig as he got ready for work. Then I suddenly realised I was plunged back into reality. Dogs to few and walk, dishwasher to fill and washing to be done. Ugh….. Have a few more hours of isolation please??!?

So back to it…

It’s raining and I need window wipers for my glasses.

So I’ve spent the afternoon crocheting my blanket together, hanging washing and I popped down to my favourite the little gift shop to see my friend Gayle and pick up some birthday cards. Not been in for ages! So lovely to have a quick catch up.

Craig came home and we popped into the pub for a couple of drinks and then came home to make a Bobotie.

And here’s our version of it!

Dinner was lovely!

So all in all a good day. I’m negative and out of isolation.

Back at it!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

After all these days of writing the blog I’ve finally come into close contact with someone who’s tested positive for COVID-19.

I’m in the bedroom in self isolation after taking a PCR test and waiting on results.

I have to be honest and say that I’m not feeling great. In the olden days (😂🤣😂) I’d have said I was coming down with a cold. I have that strange cold feeling at the back of my throat, it’s not sore yet but it feels like it’s coming. My noise is sniffly. My head is sore too. Here’s hoping that’s all it is.

I did also clatter my forehead off a van this morning too and it’s surprisingly sore. I was taking photos of the interior of a customer’s van and didn’t see the headliner was still on the van and hadn’t been cut out yet and walloped right into it. I actually hit the floor for a minute…. Not passed out just nursing the clatter 🤕

Will COVID tests ever feel more bearable. Honest to god, you end up boaking and retching all over the place and then your eyes water…. It’s the most horrible thing. Actually as I wrote that I realised that’s an awful thing to say as nothing must be more horrible than having COVID-19 and feeling dreadful.

So my first PCR…. I’m sure most people know but I promised this blog would be a record of life during covid and I have pretty much given up writing about it…. You have to go online and fill out a form and book a drive through appointment. Once I heard about the close contact and realised I wasn’t feeling great, I booked one straight away.

I had to drive to Dreghorn Fire Station where they have a mobile testing unit.

You drive up to a reception van and the guy made me put on my mask and wind up the window just to a small gap. (Why on earth would that not have crossed my mind?!?)

He gave me a pack including the test and I had to drive to a parking space in the car park and follow all of the instructions and take my own test.

My anxiety doesn’t like reading instructions and deciding what to do under pressure. I like someone to tell me what to do so I don’t get it wrong. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

But I managed it. Obviously 🙄 The hardest part was trying to open the hazmat bag that the test goes into…. I was actually talking to myself at one point thinking how daft I would be asking them to talk me through opening the bag… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😳🤣

Once your done you put your hazard lights on and they come over to you. They asked me to put my window up a bit higher. Then they scanned the QR code they give you when you book andbthen the scan the bar code on your hazmat bag.

You then have to drop the hazmat bag (containing the test!) out of the window and into a hazmat box that they open and hold up to the window.

All done. Just have to hide out in the bedroom until I get the results.

I came home and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom for Craig. We need him to keep healthy so he can keep working!!

I set up the home office and did some work in my tartan jammies bottoms. 🤣🤣

What a day!

Craig came home and said not to worry he would make dinner. Good. Then the takeout arrived!

So I’m all set up in the bedroom. Is it wrong that I’m enjoying a chance to have to stay put for a wee while. Of course the PCR results to come back negative tomorrow but for now I’m in here…..watching tv, candles lit, I’ve my crochet and books and Craigs smiley but masked face checking in every now and then 😷🤣😘

Stay safe everyone 😷🤕♥️

We slept for a full night!!!!!! Calaidh made a noise at 2am which made me think we were off again but it was nothing. All good. What and amazing feeling to get a full nights sleep.

However, it seems one of the other dogs is not well now. Calaidh was on our floor all night. The mess I’d cleared last night when I got home was repeated overnight…. Must have been Bhruic or Freya?!? Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!

This was the view when we left for the gym at 5.30am this morning! Stunning eh?!? I can hardly walk as it is so the Fit Body Farm was great but hard work too!

This was the sky when I left the Fit Body Farm at 7.30am. Strange colours!

So I had a really busy day today and not gonna lie the anxiety was bobbing under the surface a bit today. A few things didn’t go to plan but I really tried to take a step back and slowly breathe through them. The breathlessness was the first sign. At one point I actually did a 2 minute breathing relax exercise on my watch.

It starts by saying “Please calm down”…. That makes me laugh. No shit Sherlock, that’s why I here….. breathing. After 2 minutes of inhale and exhale it says “Good job”…. Thank you. ♥️

So I handled things today that “I don’t think I can handle yet…..” there you go. I don’t have the confidence in myself to deal with them.

And yet I did. I had a BEETROOT coloured face by the end of one call….. but I handled it. I

handed over 2 completed jobs to customers today and had another one in for quote. It’s a lot of people to talk to that takes a bit of getting used to in my wee quiet world.

One thing I really struggle with is drama. I find it so draining. yet I’m aware I cause drama myself. I have enough for myself and don’t need others. 😆😆

There were guys working on the building next door today. Now I don’t mind swearing… I come from a manufacturing background so I’m used to it….. but this guy next door was something else.

He was up on a cherry picker at the roof of the building and seemed to be showing off to the 5 guys on the ground as he did the job. Showing off in a way that he was creating so much drama about the work. Honestly you’d think the job was the end of the world the way he was going on. F’in every second word and shouting at the top of his voice. It was the worst f’in job he’d ever seen and who the f had done that and how the f could it be fixed… I mean “f me… ffs… f’in shocking work…..” I am not exaggerating!! and it want on for about half an hour.

I was getting more and more annoyed at his outbursts as the whole industrial estate could hear him.

I went out to the fence and said “excuse me”… a man walked towards me and I said “I mean how bad actually is it?!?” He looked at me like I had two heads. I said “I’m trying to work in there and you’d think his world was ending up there” pointing to the cherry picker man.

Cherry man turned and looked down and me and said “really sorry pal” immediately. He knew.

I didn’t quite know what to say to that other than “aww ok thanks…” and sidle away. Kinda cringing.

But there wasn’t another peep outta him and he was there all day.

He got a bit excited later on but without swearing. There was just no need for any of his drama. it came from a showy-offy place but it was totally over the top.

I have enough anxiety in me without hearing all that and fuming at everything he said!!

Enough already.

So I’m home with my bright red face to have a bite to eat. Popped into Claire’s to see her for a bit then I’m off to meeting the Crochet Hookers tonight! First time in 3 weeks!

WordPress is making all my pics look tiny tonight…. Not sure why but that’s only adding to the weird stuff today.

A good sleep tonight will fix that. Not sure it will fix WordPress though. Maybe they’ll look ok size when it’s published.

Who knows.

I’m off to crochet!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow, poor Calaidh was up every hour or two last night…. Poor us.

She has a dodgy tum and just gives a little woof to be let out so we took it in turns. Strange thing is she’s super excited when she comes in and full of what seems like happy energy. she’s not flat like we would be if we were ill.

I then lie and think about random customers and jobs from work….. fall asleep then

This was the moon at 2.34am this morning.

It was even better at 1.22am but I did t have my phone…. To be fair…. Why would I?!? it annoyed me I didn’t hence the next time I was up I grabbed it…. I love that I’m thinking of blog content 24/7. 🤣

So back to Calaidh, not sure what’s wrong. Not fed her too much today and will be in with us again tonight so she can

Whenever she needs to. Sadly I came home to an accident tonight so it’s still a thing…. Poor pupper.

So this was the sun when I got to work. It was lovely this morning with kind of watery clouds making it very atmospheric.

Still… a sunrise over and industrial estate eh?!? What’s not to love.

Work was busy today. I wasn’t my effervescent yesterday self but I wasn’t bad either. I realised at lunchtime that I was actually just pretty shattered and after 2 nights of broken sleep I think that’s fairly understandable. (Wonder how many people read this that have had kids and think I have nothing to complain about?!?🤣🤣)

So…. I have to say here that I have the best boss in the world. (Seems he may be reading the blog………… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🙈😂)

In all honesty I have realised just how lucky I am this last few days, to be able to have a job that I enjoy so much, feel appreciated and want to do as much as I can to help build into an even more successful business. These poor guys have listened to me bumble my way through informal interviews where I didn’t want to say the words that yes I’d give up my “off sick” status and at first commit to 20 hours a week and then 30…. When the thoroughly terrified me. They’ve given me a chance when I didn’t believe in myself. I still don’t at times but I’m working on that.

Anyway, enough rambling. I’m tired. I’m praying Calaidh feels better through the night. We have the Fit Body Farm in the morning and I’m already struggling to move from Monday’s session… getting out of bed in the middle of the night will be painful mentally and physically 🙈🙊🤣🤣🤣 and even worse by 5am!

Oh I had Kinesiology with Shelagh after work tonight. It was another great session exploring my reactions to triggers in daily life. Honestly I go in there like some whirlwind and come out calm every single time. I don’t know where I would be on my recovery without Kinesiology. I recommend it… and Shelagh of course… to anyone wanting to make some changes in life. 💜💙

The old me would have come home, had a glass or two of wine slumped in front of the tv.

The new me came in… cleaned up after Calaidh……………. (Yes the old me couldn’t have ignored that either!) Put washing away, cleaned the sink in the bathroom, fluffed up all the bedding…. An most importantly lit a Mojito scented candle (I am aware of the irony… a virgin mojito scented candle obvs…) and lay down to write this. There’s not a sound. Just me tapping into my phone.

Calm. Goodnight. already almost sleep.

Stay safe everyone 🕯🕯🕯

Now this was a great day back at work and the gym but it wasn’t without its wee testing moments.… sent to try me and I laughed and didn’t let them!

This was the moon at 9pm ish last night just before we went to bed.

The dogs didn’t settle at all last night. Not sure if they were hearing noises outside or one of them wasn’t well but there were just random barks every now and then. Craig got up to let them out about midnight.

It’s almost like they knew we were getting up early and wants to make sure we wouldn’t miss the alarm.

This was the moon at 2.48am….. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🙈 my turn to let the out and it seems Calaidh isn’t well…. It must have been her that needed out.

It took me a while to fall back to sleep and Craigs alarm went off at 4.45am…. Minutes after I’d been out with the dogs… or so it felt.

I usually get an extra 15mins so stayed “asleep”…. Must have fallen back over as I woke at 5.12am with a start….. had 18 minutes to get out the door with clothes and food for work.

Made it just….. got to the top of the road and realised I wasn’t wearing my glasses 🤓…. I pulled over at the side of the road and Craig stopped too (separate cars so I can get to work…) and he offered to go home and get them! I of course then had to sit there looking through every bag I had….. and of course there were many…. To ensure I didn’t have my glasses. Could you imagine?!? “Oops sorry found them“ at 5.38am…. So thankfully Craig found them in the house and I genuinely had forgotten them.

From that moment on I couldn’t work my demister, main beam, I was all over the place. I hit the wipers instead of lights…. You name it. My drive to the Fit Body Farm was a real effort of poor coordination 🙊🙉🙈🤣🤣🤣

And then the fuel light came on….. at 5.43am…. I actually laughed and said out loud “that’s fine… these things happen” rather than let it get to me.

Thankfully we got there just in time!

During the warm up I felt really energised and thought wow, check me, I’ve got this!It felt great to be back.

The work out was really hard and I was knackered in the first 5 minutes. To be fair we’ve had almost 3 weeks off…. I’m feeling it now. 💪🏼💪🏼🏋🏻‍♀️

So into the shower and forgot half my stuff… had to make do. Least I had my clothes to change into!

So yeah work was great today. Felt great to be back, catch up and see where we’ve got to with builds. I felt really proud to be a part of it. Chuffed that they seemed genuinely pleased I was back. I am looking forward to going back tomorrow as I have loads more to do that I didn’t get done today.

But I have a list! A big list!

Check me eh?! Who ever said that after a fortnights holiday?!? Certainly NEVER me.

Lunch was a disaster. Everything was a bit past it’s sell by date… my raspberries were squished and leaked juice all over everything else. The celery was on the turn… a bit slimy…. The coconut bits were slimy… can you tell I raided the fridge and just picked a random handful of healthy things?!? I laughed and ate cake that one of the guys had brought in.

Dinner was a huge success. Pork Tacos 🌮

No maybe portion control needs work but I ate the lot 🤷🏻‍♀️ it doesn’t look great but that’s the refried beans. It was a Simply Cook pack of spices that you add the ingredients to. Lovely!

So yeah, all in all a really positive day for me.

I’m tired but that’s perfectly normal after little sleep.

I’m 991 days alcohol free since January 2019.

I’m 37 days anti-depressant free.

And I’m smiling 😊

Stay safe everyone 😊😊😊

Ooooh I’ve had a lovely wee day today. I’ve done nothing much but I’ve not stopped. I’m doing what I like when I want to do it and not doing all the stuff I felt I “should” do.

The disappointment of the morning was that all the “almost dry” stuff we left outside last night in our garden laundry… was SOAKED…. overnight in the rain. Hey ho…. It’s all wet again but it’ll dry… sometime!

A selfie with some cows before 9am this morning while we took the dogs from a walk. These guys were too cute.

I also spent some time on my positive mental attitude…. I’ve got loads to share in the blog today. Sunday mornings are good for some positive reflections.

We’ve had the best holiday. It took a few nights to settle in but we did and feel refreshed and relaxed.

I’ve made a few calls today to catch up with people… I’ve blitzed the ground floor of Freya’s excess hair… oh my god it’s that season again, can hardly wait until Bhruic and Calaidh decide to join her. She’s moulting everywhere. It felt really good to hoover it all up… then she flounces through the room and it all fluffs everywhere again. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

And I have crocheted and crocheted and crocheted!! I can’t stop joining squares together and I love it. Wonder if I can do this all day at work tomorrow?!

I’m enjoying the completion of it rather than just crocheting squares . Seeing something coming together feels good.

So I’ve sat inside this afternoon as it’s not been as warm as was forecast. I’ve watched more Grace and Frankie as I’ve crocheted and I’ve enjoyed it. I feel so chilled I need a nap but I can’t stop crocheting 🧶 🤣🤣🤣

Thought we could all do with a wee Calaidh pic too. She’s been helping me crochet… getting stuck in the wool. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

My gym gear is ready.

My work clothes are ready…. (Jeans and T-shirt … 🤣🤣 hardly work clothes eh?!)

This is the first time I’ve gone back to work after a fortnights holiday in about hmmmm 4 years 🤣 Gotta be prepared.

But we had a blast!

This is your Sunday evening reminder that you can handle everything this week throws at you.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

What a lovely day compared to yesterday. It was warm when I got up and sat outside for coffee. The sun wasn’t out yet but it’s stopped raining which is something.

I had the best sleep… the kind I don’t ever want to wake up from but as soon as I opened my eyes I thought about the washing machine delivery so had to check my phone! Fatal… wide awake.

We were 8th for delivery so I spent the morning stalking the drivers on the AO tracking site. #stalker 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I’m so impressed with the service. Honestly… I bought the washing machine about 26 hours before it was installed. I think that’s pretty good.

Out with the 747 jumbo jet take off washing machine and in with the “barely makes a sound you have to keep checking it’s on” new one!

Now the installation wasn’t the easiest…. As father in law and Craig will agree having plumbed in the old one when we moved in….. lots of hmmmmmm-ing, huffing and puffing and exclamations that it wouldn’t fit as it must be bigger, has a bigger back on it, can’t push in further without compromising the pipes, doors won’t close over….should have a longer drain tube…. I sensed a lot of haste… trying to do it all too quickly to get to the next job… as he kept telling me. Lo and behold… a bit of perseverance and it fits exactly as the last one did… with a few small dents at the bottom where he was trying to push it in with his feet.

He then asks for a 5/5 when the text comes through for proof of completion as it will help guarantee him more work.

Of course I give him a 5/5… to be fair he did get it in where we needed it to be despite his own protests!

I wasn’t sure what to do with myself as I had no one to stalk once the delivery guys had gone but the good news was there was hundreds of washing to do!

I went out to put the pop top up in the van to dry and swept out the floor and carpet… washed the floor rugs.

Claire then asked me in for a cuppa so I popped into hers for an hour or so. Good catch up after holidays!

Back home and cleaned the pop up toilet tent, did more washing, weeded the garden, cut back some hostas…. Not a fan of a hosta at all. cut back with pleasure.

There are hundreds of flies and wasps about just now…. All landing on me… either that or I’m getting tickled by my long hair or wool….. I’m jumping about every few seconds!!

I am crocheting again. I’ve been inspired by the crochet ladies changing it up this week and starting a blanket…. so I decided to start joining some of my squares together. Became a bit of a woman possessed!!

Just picking them randomly and joining them together as I go. This is going to be mums blanket though god knows when it will ever be finished!

It all looks a bit wonky now but that’s just because it’s different thicknesses of wool all needing stretched to be the same size! All the balls of wool said double knitting but they were not all the same. Dammit.

I’ve been sitting out in the sun since about 3pm and it’s been hot. Lovely.

There were loads of sightings of the Aurora Borealis last night so I downloaded an app as they said it was going to be a great few days even down in Ayrshire. The app is called the Glendale App and is found online rather than any App Store.

This was the detail from this morning and sadly tonight it’s back to level 0 meaning we spent see anything. Too much cloud cover.

Some of the photos from last night were stunning… greens, purples, pinks. Would be fascinating to see. it’s on my bucket list!

So our last night of holiday with a lie in the next day so we popped into the village pub for a couple of drinks. I had Tanquery 0% Gin with Schweppes Pink Soda. A nice wee change.

Oh and a lovely lady who was leaving the pub stopped to chat and asked if I was the Rambling Sloth….. it took me by surprise…. Quite embarrassed but a wee bit proud to say that I am. 🦥

Anyway crashing back to reality we came home for dinner and wait for this… we didn’t order takeaway but made Beetroot Pesto pasta…. It looks a bit unusual (pink!) but tasted so good.

It’s been a really long day but in a good way. I feel like I’ve achieved loads. Great when my head is in a better place.

Long may it continue.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It’s not stopped raining all day. Kinda glad we came home yesterday so we could watch it all from the heat of the house!

I’ve been in a funny mood today. Irritable I think. Maybe end of holiday blues? Maybe having to buy a new washing machine… and still having water back up issues…. In the house…. Not me personally 🤣🤣🤣

I think from the peace of living in a woodland for a week to home with responsibilities, dramas, things happening that you can’t control it was all just a bit much for positivity.

So we were awake sharp again this morning. Up, coffee and pottering about tidying up the camping stuff. It was one of those mornings where I found a clothes peg…. Went and put it away….. then found another clothes peg… put it away…… then found another clothes peg……. Must have done this about 5 or 6 times…. Good for the step count but not so much for productivity?!?

Ordered the new washing machine through AO… the same as the one we have obviously just a newer version. They will deliver it tomorrow….. I’m truly blown away by that… And they will disconnect the old one, reconnect the new one and take the old one away! All within 24 hours of ordering it…. There was also a code that popped up saying “do you want another £25 off?”…. If so copy this code…. Eh ok….. done.

We also went to our local butchers to buy some meat for our new found interest in cooking. I need it to last this time. I need to take control of my health and nutrition. I’ve been talking about it for long enough.

We have chicken for Tandoori Chicken Masala and Chicken Makhani and Pork fillet for pork Tacos.

We’ve written a list of all the things we need to do to the house to bring it back up to speed. I felt a bit overwhelmed by it all.

And then I went to bed. I actually watched tv in bed which is something I never do. A couple of episodes of Grace and Frankie which always makes me relax and laugh. Then the best nap ever.

I woke up at 5pm and Craig has tidied out the kitchen cupboards and the fridge and prepped everything for dinner. Mega brownie points Mr A!

I was going to say…. So a bit of a nothing day…. Now that I write this I realise we have done enough. I am enough. I need to help create peace rather than soak up drama. All while concentrating on health and nutrition. Easy. Boom.

A couple of holiday pics to end.

And relax….

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Hi honey…. I’m home!! Ok yeah so he came too so that’s pointless 🤣 he’s home too.

Knackered but home….. 5 and a half hours drive.

We could have stopped off somewhere but 5 nights off grid with no showers and toilets mean that today would have been all about the shower. What’s the point in paying for a campsite so you can get all cleaned up just to come home. May as well just come straight home dirty!

Mr A got first shower as he emptied Abbie the camper van while I went up to collect Bhruic and Freya.

They’ve been good girls and Lesley and John from Kookie Kennels said they were doing some singing (howling!) at a Tibetan Terrier next door 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

I’ve hear that wolf howl before…. That’s exactly what it sounds like…..when I don’t take them all out for a walk at once. It’s as if they are trying to tell us where they are so we don’t forget them…. As if…. here they are in case you were worried about them 😍 (‘scuse the mess in the background!)

My hair’s actually held up really well surprisingly. It’s not a “going out for the night in Glasgow” kinda hair do but it’s also not the worst either! It’s funny how I wouldn’t dream of leaving it for that long normally yet it is actually fine.

Actually after that photo maybe I need to wash my face 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

So I have to admit it was a wonderful shower. I was in there for ages!! My hair was super tuggy…. Maybe those dreadlocks I’ve been growing are not for me?!?

We’ve unpacked, put a washing on then soaked the kitchen floor as our washing machine poured the water right back out at us! We’ve definitely got a blockage somewhere in our water works… it’s causing water to back up so we need to get that sorted. At least we both got showers…. Can you imagine?!?

We’ve popped into the village pub to catch up on the news and now the fire’s on, the heating’s on and we’re home and cosy and the pups are all happy to be home.

Stay safe everyone 🐶🐶🐶

What a stunning sky last night. We lost the sun at 5pm but the light show on the hills behind us was beautiful.

Dinner was amazing. Chicken Tikka kebabs with peppers and onions.

With a campfire to follow.

We sat out until 10pm last night. It was peaceful and calm.

We woke up to this….

Breakfast consisted of Welsh Dragon sausages… pork, leak and chilli 🌶…. With Welsh bacon 🥓 and brioche toast all cooked on Doug’s Bush Pig which is a great Braai or BBQ.

After breakfast we decided to take Calaidh out for a walk and explore some more in the sunshine. It’s a beautiful day and I know we are lucky as I don’t think the rest of the country has this weather today. It makes foe some stunning photos!

We found a wee pond that says it’s a home for Otters… none of them came anywhere near Calaidh!

We walked the red line.

There’s a few single trees left which look really lonely!

Took this panorama…. If you click into you can see the full pic.

The walk then turned from forestry commission roads to a small woodland track. There’s no filter on my phone. These are all natural colours.

Now heading down to the side of the estuary but it’s only 11.30am and the tide is still out so it looks completely different from yesterday.

Yesterday we saw there were loads of geese nesting at the side of the estuary…. Every now and then they decide to fly and I got a picture of them today!

There’s another 6 photos of geese but to be fair none of them are very good!

Ok so you get the gist. The estuary is picturesque but it’s the weather that really makes it. It’s hot. We’re all in shorts and T-shirt. It’s the 15th September and that’s not bad going.

We went back to Calaidh’s pond on the way back to camp.

We came back up to the campsite… Calaidh found a high cliff…..

We headed past the main farm building.

So back home and made coffee and had some Galaxy choc chip cookies 🍪

Calaidh is having a proper nap now! Tiredy pupper.

I am… of course…. Lying here on a blanket next to her. The forecast says 16C but honestly it feels way hotter than that. We are so lucky to get some sun.

He plan is to relax for the rest of the day before rump steak 🥩 for dinner and another campfire. 🔥 This is our last night away. 😱

I’m honestly blown away by the scenery here. Every time I look up I see something different. I love to appreciate nature and I could quite get used to this simple living.

Travelling back to Scotland tomorrow… hoping this weather keeps up for the rest of the week!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

Another great nights sleep last night. It rained again but didn’t start until about 9.30pm as we went to bed.

Dinner was an amazing spiced Lamb hotpot.

So dinner took 7 hours to cook yesterday but that’s the fun watching it’s progress. I read and crocheted throughout the day. Hard life eh?!

We spent the evening by the fire… as you do!

All packed up this morning and ready to go.

My first overlanding in the van to get out the field. To be fair…. It was nothing…. It was like driving out of a supermarket car park… I’m glad I woke up at 5am and worried about being able to get out of the field given the rain…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

So this morning had coffee but skipped breakfast and headed down into Presteigne to go to the local butcher. The woman who runs it is Argentinian and she lived in Sourh Africa for years so Warren and Doug go their to pick up their meet for their Potjie (poy-kee) and Braai (our BBQ!) Warren is from South Africa 🇿🇦 and Doug from Zimbabwe 🇿🇼.

So Doug has agreed to join us for the next few days of our trip. We are headed to Cefn Coed in Dolgellau. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 (I’m getting the use out of all my flag emojis today!)

It was a beautiful drive over. The sun is desperately trying to come out and when it does it’s very hot!

We stopped at Caffi Jo-Jo for breakfast about an hour and 15 into our journey.

They had a streamer but cute wee mini village in their front garden….

The roads are mostly double carriageway with single track in places more due to the high hedges but they were very up hill and down valley…. Lovely scenery though!

So the boys did prep for dinner while I went off in search of the sun….. out of the shade….to write the blog!

Tonight we are having chicken tikka, pepper and onion kebabs. I know I’ve said this before but the food has been a game changer for us as it’s encouraged us to look for different things to prep and make that a part of the holiday…. She says as she sits out in a field doing none of it 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

We decided to go for a quick explore as we are close to the Mawddach Estuary.

So good news to report is Calaidh hasn’t had a dodgy tum so we’ve been getting to sleep through the night. The sun is shining and is forecast for tomorrow too. Chicken Tikka is marinating so I’m looking forward to that.

Most of all I have been very calm. I’m doing all of the driving and it’s helping to build my confidence. I still have my moments (climbing a 20% incline today while Craig was asking me a question….. 😳😬🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😱)

I’m still thinking about work. I don’t have my work phone but still see chat on messenger and social media. It’s on my mind a fair bit and I guess that’s gonna take some work to stop thinking about it. I’m not worried about it which I guess is the main thing.

Sitting here in the sun right now I suddenly remind myself that I am almost exactly 31 days without anti depressants for the first time in almost as many years. I’ve driven from Ayrshire to Islay and back and down to Wales and will drive back.

I am pretty damn proud of everything I’m achieving.

And the sun’s finally gone behind the trees… enough rambling. Heading back into camp to see what’s for eating 🥘🔥😉🤣

Stay safe everyone 🔥🔥🔥

This is wild camping.

All I can hear is birds tweeting…. Goats bleeting 🐐…. Owls 🦉 doing whatever owls do, an occasional cow mooing 🐮 and of course the river flowing.

It’s so peaceful.

Now this is not for everyone. It’s basically a woodland that cows wander around… but other than our mate Warren there is no one else around. Doug and Steve are arriving this afternoon. sorry I forgot of course Calaidh is here… barking at sticks occasionally 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Warren took as for a drive round Nash Oakland in his truck as it’s 4X4. It’s a huge expanse where people can camp for a tenner a night and not see another soul the whole time. First we had to get through the river.

I said to Warren that I’d take loads of photos of him driving through…. He already has loads! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Then we went for a drive into Presteigne for supplies.

This is a lovely wee village and the guy in the shop was super friendly asking us where we were from and how long we were here.

Back at camp to chill and relax.

Doug and Steve arrived early to mid afternoon and started cooking dinner.

Doug and I went for a paddle in the river…. Oh my actual god. It is freeeeeezing and so painful but very, very refreshing!

So the guys are used to meeting up together and make poetjie (poy-kee) for dinner which is a like a stew which loads of ingredients and spices.

Tonight’s was Chicken Masala. Here is the prep!

Steve stirring the onions, garlic 🧄 and butter.

Almost ready to eat. We had it with naan bread and it was amazing!

So yeah no signal again…. So can’t post this….. It’s lovely to not be checking your phone every 5 minutes.

Stay safe everyone 🐐🦉🐮

I went to bed before 10 last night and left the guys round the fire. It was raining quite heavily last night from about 6.30pm but we retreated under our respective canopies with the campfire still burning in the middle! 🏕 🔥

So we both slept really well again and woke up about 8.30am which is the longest lie in on the holiday.

Breakfast was a breakfast for champions again made by Warren on the BBQ. I Tom Calaidh down to the river for a walk.

Steve left before lunch and Craig, Warren and Doug went back into the village for supplies. Tonight’s dinner is Spiced Lamb Pot!

I took Calaidh for a walk in the opposite direction from camp while the boys were out.

So the boys were back in camp in a heartbeat or so it seemed. I had just sat down with a book….. I kept on reading!

Warren packed up camp and headed home as he’s working tomorrow.

Doug then does the prep for dinner! Can you tell Craig and I are being very well looked after this holiday.

I went for a nap this afternoon too…. up in the top of the pop top.

Now I’m crocheting….

It’s a hard life this camping and lounging around malarkey 😆

I’m conscious I’m posting today’s blog before yesterday’s but hey…. I’m heading back into camp soon where there’s no signal.

Looking forward to dinner and an early night!

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

No signal at camp so posting a day late!

Wow what a day! Driving, driving, driving!!

So the puppers slept in with us last night…. Of course they did… given that two of them were off to the kennels today for their holidays. I went to sleep with Freya cradled in my arms. It was the sweetest thing…. She’s moulting like crazy so there was hair everywhere. In my mouth, eyes…. You get the gist!

And… to ad to it all…. I woke up with a raging headache and stomach cramp. Just in time for 5 days wild camping in a wood with no toilets of showers. Naturally.

At 9.15am I had my last shower….. at 9.50am I too this photo.

Off on their holidays. We are both really struggling with this but the kennels were lovely. Lesley and a John both came out to meet me and Joh took Bhruic and Freya while Lesley distracted my attention by asking about their food. I glanced toward the dogs and she said nope don’t look…. Gulp. I had a little lip wobble but they made me feel at ease.

So back to the house and we left just after 11am. First stop was to my lovely in laws and they took all of our washing yesterday and by the time we had arrived my mother in law (Mawlaw!) had washed and….. IRONED…. everything!! Sooooo lovely of her…. Most of the stuff she ironed has never been ironed before. I am not an ironer!

So armed with freshly made chicken Mayo brioche rolls…. We set off on our journey.

After an hour and a half…. England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

Then hours and hours and hours of driving and finally Wales.

So we’re staying at Nash Oakland near Presteigne in Wales. We are camping in a woodland next to a river. In the middle of nowhere. With no signal. It sooooo peaceful.

Calaidh is in her element. Playing in the water and with a stick.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️