As hard as I try I cannot get a decent photo of this little monkey!

Freya is 5 today. It feels like yesterday she was like this…..

She was the runt of her litter and had to be hand reared from about a day old.

These photos don’t even really do her justice. She was minuscule and had virtually no ears.

This is her first poo in the garden…. Too much?!?

Very soon the ears started to grow and never stopped!

How tiny?!?!?

Think this was the last time she got into bed with her big sister…. 🤣🤣

She has a great life. She’s a dogs dog and is always more worried about where Calaidh and Bhruic are. She gives the best puppy cuddles though and there’s nothing better than cuddling on the couch with her.

So all that said and done…. Todays not been the best.

I had a huge feeling of dread this morning. I couldn’t face the Farm or work but I knew I couldn’t get out of either. I just wanted to stay in bed and hide. It really does take all my strength sometimes to get up and get on with it.

Now I know full well that there is nothing going on that’s the end of the world. I am very lucky to be able to say that. I have friends and family going through so much worse and yet I’m so sad and angry.

I obviously went to the Farm and I struggled with the workout this morning. I felt a sense of lethargy and unfairness that I had to even do it.

So far removed from the girl who was buzzing after Friday’s workout.

In work I was very irritable, I had no patience and everything that happened seemed like some huge drama.

Of course it was not.

If you’d heard how awful my inner voice was…. I really hate myself at times like this. Hate is a very strong word.

I felt restless, tense, with a feeling of dread. My heart was beating so fast and at times I felt a bit dizzy. I also had the runs (sorry!) it just shows I was creating a huge churn of anxiety inside me.

I’m useless, a failure, can’t do, rubbish, blah blah blah. Why is this happening to me, why can’t I control it?

I get a sense of calm just before 3pm and finally managed to think straight.

I’d checked my to do list and I had done everything on it…. So I’m in control, I just don’t think that I am.

I came home to a lovely dinner as Craig was home before me. I’d only eaten shortbread all day so it was lovely to eat a home cooked meal… I was also handed a glass of Nosecco!

Maybe get some Freya cuddles tonight and they always help.

Stay safe everyone 🐶🐶🐶