It’s 20.08 and I’m in bed!

To be fair the football is on and it’s the first time the stadium has had a full crowd in it. It’s just too noisy…. Haha check granny me!

It’s been a really busy day. I had a long lie until 6.10am and was in work early.

We had another busy day with loads going on and lots of comings and going’s.

All good but I did feel pretty jittery through some of it. By jittery I mean a bit anxious, unable to make decisions and flirting from one thing to the next. I just need to calm the hell down.

And to be fair… I did.

I was very aware of it.

My desk was a mess, I was moving from one thing to the next without completing any of it properly.

I decided to clear my desk as I was throwing things on top of other things and it was just looking worse. After I did that I was way more in control and I calmed myself right down.

There is no reason to panic. I am perfectly capable. My mind just pretends that I’m not sometimes.

I came home and made Keralan Prawn Curry for dinner using a Simply Cook recipe that Gemma gave me at work.

I had a Creme Brûlée Cornetto for pud!

Claire and I took Calaidh out for a walk and it’s a lovely evening.

So I’m shattered now….. home and into bed to write this and read my book.

This is a big week of firsts for me…. I am working 5 days and also going to Fit Body Farm at 6am on 3 of them. I’m making lunches and dinners. I’ve organised our new 5 year mortgage fixed rate. I’m about to hit 500 days of the blog, then hit 950 days in total since Jan 2019 without alcohol. And….. this week will see the last of my anti depressants for the first time in maybe 20-25 years. 😬🤭🤫🙄

I have so much to be thankful for.

But right now I am most thankful for being in my bed….. and that Rangers just scored as I will have a happy hubby.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I had the best sleep ever….. after the whirring mind of yesterday I was out for the count. Not a single rogue voice anywhere telling me to be better, do better…. hallelujah!!

I woke up a few times but love snuggling back down knowing that I would fall back to sleep and when the alarm went off at 5am… it was ok.

The Fit Body Farm was inside today as it was torrential rain this morning. We got totally soaked walking from the car to the Farm!

It was a tough exercise today as it’s so much warmer indoors and it was all about the kettlebells.

Freezing cold shower and off to Tartan to start the working week. I’m doing 5 days this week as we have a holiday at the end of next week.

It was honestly just “wan o’they days today”…. Nothing went quite according to the plan we had laid out. But it was ok. The world didn’t end and we will be back tomorrow to do it all again. 😆

Now I thought this was hysterical….. I quite often can’t find the right words to say when I’m trying to explain something to Craig…. Sometimes we laugh and sometimes we get angry at other but this made me laugh out loud. My friend Anne posted it on FB. I sent it to Craig as soon as I saw it!!

So I’m home now and it’s suddenly super hot. The rain stopped earlier today and it’s been getting nicer ever since. I think the puppers missed me today….

After a tiring day there’s nothing better than cuddles.

We popped into the pub for a couple before dinner. I had my usual Gordon’s alcohol free gin with slimline tonic.

Happy days.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Oh my god, what is wrong with me today… my inner chatter is in full raging flow. I seem to be thinking at 900 miles an hour… precisely. It’s given me a headache.

Now I woke at 6.30 and checked my phone…. Big mistake. Ended up on the FB page for the NC500 where all the locals are moaning about tourists and I got ended up in that wormhole. Boy people can be so nasty on line. Make you scared to go anywhere in case you upset someone.

Managed to get back to sleep for a bit but woke up about 8.30 so a good long lie. Then looking at all the pics and video from our paddle boarding yesterday…. Why was I one of the only ones with a life vest on, why didn’t I try and stand up more, why are there no good pics of me… why, why, why….

I had a great time and if I wasn’t for social media it would have stayed that way…. No correct that… it’s my head making it something it isn’t.

So we’ve had quite a busy day from the comfort of our own home. We’ve booked a campsite for Arran and Islay for our summer holidays…. That took some time but we did it. We’ve looked into options for our second week.

I think I’m anxious today. For no reason. That age old day off to rest so I don’t rest and wind myself up.

I had a call with our mortgage provider again to reset my passwords etc for internet banking. I was on for half an hour as I kept getting things wrong. The guy was so patient with me. He says that this job (helping rest logins) is his bread and butter and I wasn’t the worst he’s dealt with….. still I managed to put in the wrong password twice after going through the full reset. O.M.G!!!!!

I also put the awning up for sale as we now have too many tents again. That’s a job well done.

Poor Claire invited me for a cuppa…. Maybe I shouldn’t have had more caffeine. I literally talked at her for the whole time. 😆

I did feel calmer afterwards though.

Goodness knows what brought all that on today but writing it down has helped.

My breakfast and lunch are ready for work and the Fit Body Farm is booked and clothes all ready. That’s pretty good for me.

I’m looking forward to work as it will keep me busy.

I need to stop beating myself up when no one else does…. And just chill. Relax.

This is your Sunday evening reminder to have a great week. Don’t beat yourself up for stuff. Do as I say…. Not as I do!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Had a very good sleep last night. I made fillet steak, potatoes and cauliflower for dinner last night and dozed on and off all evening after my Forrest Gump running/walking day yesterday.

We’ve been watching Jeremy Clarkson’s The Farm on Amazon and I really enjoyed it. Our mate Warren recommended it last weekend and we’ve finished it already! 🤷🏻‍♀️😆

I had proper giggles through it but at the same time found it really interesting and didn’t have a clue about half the stuff that farmers have to think about.

So yeah a good sleep and woke at 6.30am with my mind whirring round like a whirry thing. I was lying counting how many years we’d been married…. Wondering what our next anniversary was, wondering what we’d be doing next week at work, should I have ordered this, should I have done that. None of it worrying, just thinking. Did a wee quick meditation (just picked one off YouTube) and it cleared my head.

Up about 8am and made Craig’s breakfast before he went to work… check me. (I also made sandwiches to take our with us… another revelation 😆)

Then set about cleaning the house… washing on… dishwasher on…. Hoovered… cleaned…. All done.

Then it was dog walking time and I LEFT MY PHONE AT HOME…… 😳🤯

There are no pictures.

I took all three out but Calaidh was pulling really badly so I walked back and left her in the house and took Bhruic and Freya.

Came back and dropped them off and took Calaidh out. She was obviously a bit too hot today. It’s super muggy and we have thunderstorms forecast. She kept lying down in long grass at the side of the road to wait for me!

I love silence. I crave silence. If I’m in the house on my own when Craigs out I don’t have the tv on… no music…. Just peace and quiet to sit and reflect.

I’ve managed my FB feed over the last few years, to only show me positive quotes and see things from people that don’t take my peace away. I know that sounds corny but when you find that place it’s an amazing place to be.

So this afternoon we went paddle boarding with the Fit Body Farm and what a laugh we had! We went to Booker Pond in Irvine.

It was torrential rain on the way down. It was so bad I had to slow right down and got covered by wash from a passing car at one point which totally blinded us.

When we got there the rain stopped.

By this time it’s pouring again.

We did a lot of work up the other end of the pond but finally got back down for a photo opp….

Just getting into position for the team photo when this happened…

Yip I fell off. Not to be outdone I still posed…

Craig did really well and was on his feet for most of the time. I didn’t mind falling in but honestly….. it was like rescuing a beached whale trying to get me up on that board while in deep water.

God love the folk who helped me. It was truly knackering…. First of all there are boobs and then a great big ruddy flotation vest. I could barely reach the other side of the board let alone pull myself up! I just need more practise… and maybe lose weight?!? 🤔 so I spent a bit more time on my knees as it’s easier to balance.

That was all pretty much out of my comfort zone but I loved it. All those years spent as kids, rowing with my dad… you never lose that ability to row. Fit Body Farm has improved my rowing strength too.

I said to Craig on the way home that we spend our lives saying things will be great when I have x, y or z…. I love just appreciating everything in the present and being truly grateful for every day just now.

I’ve had the best day.

Stay safe everyone 🏄🏻‍♀️🏄🏻‍♂️🥰

So day 493 blog would have read a busy day at work and then I was tired. The end.

Thought I’d save that nugget for today!

I actually lay on the couch from about 6pm and couldn’t move until I went to bed. I head butted my book at one point…. Never managed to actually fall asleep so slept like a log at night.

So the fit body farm was very hard work this morning.

• 1600m run (4 laps of the farm!)
• 30 sit ips
• 800m run (2 laps of the farm)
• 15 burpee broad jumps
• 400m run (1 lap of the farm)
• 😳

Now I didn’t do as much as a most others in the class as my second run was cut down to two laps (from 3) but it’s still a lot for me. It’s hard to see others running past you but I need to realise I actually ran 2,800 metres before 7am.

Came home and had a shower and a coffee.

Now this is where it gets crazy as I had to drop the van into the garage this morning so I drove down and walked back with Bhruic and Freya.

So it’s roughly 3 miles home…..

Bearing in mind I’ve already run 2.8k….

It makes me laugh every time I walk to or from the garage… the Highlanders are up at the gate when I drive down and teeny tiny specs in the distance when I walk past?!?

So I gets home. Dogs off the lead, opened some mail and decided to take Calaidh out while I was still moving.

Not even half way on our walk when the garage phoned to say the Van was ready!!! May as well just keep walking then?! Another 3 miles…..

We stopped in at the new Mocha Jaks on our walk.

I had porridge with honey and banana and a coconut milk latte. The heavens opened as I sat outside and they had to find a table inside. Calaidh was so good. She just sat under my chair and didn’t make a sound.

So we walked the full 3 miles back to the garage most of it on the rain.

Not gonna lie I’ve felt sick for a good wee while afterwards…. I’ve had a drink ofwater and eaten something and I feel a bit better now. Maybe just too dehydrated. Also my body wondering what on earth has happened to it. 😳😆

I felt guilty for being too tired to walk the dogs yesterday…. It’s 14.48 now and I’ve done 20,673 steps which is more than I’ve done in a long long time.

I’m now sitting with ice on my knee!

I tried to remortgage but the passwords weren’t working and my squeamishness made me give that up. I did log for a call back. We’ll see….

Hot off the press!!! The mortgage people actually called me back… I did not expect that for a minute. I’d pressed a button for a callback thinking they’ll never ring. But they did!

So check me…. Mortgage details all clear and almost ready to go.

I was so gee’d up by this burst of activity that I went out and did a food shop.

I have not stopped today really but it’s all good. I’ll sleep tonight!

We’ve had thunder on and off all day today though I haven’t noticed any lightening. There’s flash flooding too. A far cry from the scorching heat of the last month.

It’s good for the garden. And ducks 🦆

Stay safe everyone 🦆🦆🦆

I did not feel kindness and love at 5.15am today but I did really enjoy the Fit Body Farm when I got there. A whole lot less yawning than Monday.

It was a beautiful morning again though.

It’s been a busy day at work again. I’ve not stopped but that’s all good. Keeping busy is great and I’m loving the challenge.

I’ve settled back down a bit now that my £400 bump bill has been paid.

So my friend has bought her son a grow your own sloth… to be fair, I think he asked for it….. wait till you see the pictures.

How disgusting is that eh?! Please don’t anyone feel the need to buy me one 😱🤣 made me laugh out loud today when she sent me that. 🤣🤣

It’s a glorious day again today. The forecast is still all over the place and I wear shorts on the days it’s raining and wear jeans on the hot days. Abbie the camper van was 41C when I jumped in after work today. Soooo hot!!

So I had a call with the Doctor yesterday as I have found a lump. Now before anyone worries, I have a history of cysts on the old chest area and I’ve had some drained in the past. This has appeared from nowhere in the last 2 weeks and feels almost golf ball sized.

I had the face to face appointment with the doc today and to say she was suited and booted in protection gear was an understatement. all due to COVID-19 obviously…. Unless she thought I was patient zero… 😆

Undergo the examination and she actually exclaims out loud when she feels how big it is…. She measured it as 8cm!!!

Now this is obviously another very private matter that I’m discussing with the world but if it helps one person check for lumps and find something earlier than they might then it’s worth it.

She says cancer starts small and grows very slowly so my overnight tennis ball size is most likely another cyst for draining.

Another thing to add to the list along with remortgaging and arranging home insurance. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

So I think I’m going to make spaghetti Bol for dinner tonight. I can’t be bothered cooking meals again and am just never hungry enough at teatime but happy to eat random junk things…. Craigs on his way so I will just go and get it done! I reckon this is the first meal I’ve cooked in about 3 weeks…. She says cringing.

So off to see the Gateside Hookers tonight and I think there are only 2 of us but looking forward to a great chat.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Sorry for lack of blog yesterday… I was a bit shattered and couldn’t quite bring myself to think enough to write.

So I should get to the wetting the bed part first as to be fair some of you may only be reading it for this explanation….. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

So…… I got into bed on Sunday night after a lovely afternoon and evening with Doug and Warren… and Craig obviously. I lay down and something felt very wrong. The bed was soaking wet. Totally soaked right through… I jumped up and investigated and could not figure out where it was coming from until….. aha…… lightbulb moment…. I’d carried my water bottle and clothes through wrapped in a towel after my shower late morning. As I cleared up I realised the towel was soaking wet and the water bottle was open so I quickly scooped the towel up and mopped a teensy weensy tiny spot of water that lay on the blanket over the bed.

Job done. Forgotten.

Until 10pm when it was wet and cold and for the first time, in at least 500+ days, we had someone sleeping in our spare room and using both spare duvets. 😳🤯

Suffice to say I did not sleep that well. I slept on two towels with my WonderWoman dressing gown over me (do not even bother to ask why I own one of them?!?) to try and stave off the cold dampness. I’m screwing my face up just at the memory.

Work has been super busy this last few days. I’m loving it and enjoying learning more about it. My level of control is so much better now that I work longer hours.

The only fly in the ointment has been the £400 that I have to pay to the man who’s BMW I reversed into. It all seems above board and I have spoken to and paid the garage directly and they will send me an invoice to make sure I am covered and I’m confident they will do a great job. One stupid moment of lack of concentration…. Boom…. Here you go stranger have £400.

That conversation was happening at blog time last night and I felt so super grumpy I stropped to myself that I “wasn’t even going to bother with the blog…..” that’ll show ‘em 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

Last nights sleep was amazing and I was dead to the world. So lovely when you tell your husband that and he says “yeah and you didn’t even snore….” Really???

It poured with rain this morning at Tartan Camper Land. It was torrential and as the ground is so dry it had nowhere to go so all just formed huge puddles everywhere. I was in my shorts today. 🩳 of course I was….. ☺️

So today’s news is that Jemma Reekie is a runner from my local town of Beith and today she took part in the 800m Olympic final in Tokoyo 2020. She came fourth with a personal best of 1:56.90 and was only 0.09 behind the bronze medal. It looked like she was in with a medal chance until just before the finish line.

I’ve just been to the village pub for a wee celebration that my neighbour Holly put on for her mum and dad and family. They are all so very proud of her as are the rest of Beith. She did so well. she even FaceTimed when we were in.

I was telling them that I watched in the office and was screaming at the phone and then my mum messaged the result in case I’d missed it… congratulated them all.

Apparently she’s now “verified” on Instagram which the kids say makes her very famous. 😁

So this is my view now. It’s lovely and sunny again… and warm despite being 7pm. The dogs have been fed and are playing around in the sun.

I’m much calmer now the bump in the van has been dealt with.

All I have to deal with now is to remortgage the house as our mortgage rate is up and arrange new buildings and contents insurance. Not sure about anyone else but this adulting can be hard work at times eh?!? I’m cool with it when it all goes my way.

Oh and just remembered that the village hall has been treated to some new blinds and finally relieved of it’s old threadbare, scabby curtains.

It’s looking lovely and modern now!

I missed this today but there’s been another announcement about COVID-19 rules relaxing in Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿.

I still want to keep a record of all this although we’ve agreed in the pub tonight that life is much more normal than it’s been for a long time and we are all pretty happy with what we can do now so this just lifts the rest of the restrictions.

Think that’s me up to speed now. Just nowhere near as fast as Jemma ran today.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

You so know that I’m overthinking everything today.

Yes I am human. Yes everyone makes mistakes.

But I felt ditsy yesterday. A bit on edge. A bit anxious maybe. And then I reversed into a car without a second glance. Well without a fist glance if I’m honest.

What caused it? Why did I feel like that? Did I drink too much coffee? Did I eat too much sugar? Was I anxious about being away with the dogs? I put out a really positive blog about moving on… is this the universe’s way of saying “don’t get too cocky…” or “ok you’ve dealt with one thing so we can give you another the minute you’re over it”…. What if this is the new me now I’m coming off the meds? Whoa….. there it is.

Whenever something feels off I attribute it to the last few years.

I have a little paddywack in my head as I want to be positive all the time.

I need to learn to embrace it all.

I couldn’t sleep so sat outside and played with the dogs for a bit.

Freya just runs around like a maddie while they play catch.

Claire messaged at 8.30am and said she was awake if I fancied a dog walk so we took them out.

We then cleaned the house like maddies as we have friends coming to stay tonight.

So this happened…. It took Craig about 10 minutes to fill.

And Bhruic 20 seconds to destroy……

So I should mention the big thing down the back of the garden!! and it’s not Craig…. But Craigs new tent.

He got it second hand from eBay but it was an amazing bargain and he got it all for half price versus new.

It all zips in together so you can have as much or as little if it as you would like. We’ll probably only use the main tent and maybe the sides.

So decisions to be made. I might sell my awning and we can use this with the van. Not sure yet.

We have Warren and Doug coming this afternoon and we’re going for lunch in the pub next door!

Great chat out in the sun for lunch and it’s 7pm and we’re still here….I may never be able to move again as I’ve eaten far too much!

Booked the Fit Body Farm for the morning so will leave the guys sleeping. I had to book otherwise I would never go.

Back to it tomorrow.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️