Day 505 and relax… normal service has been resumed! Also first customer handover from spec to completion today!

What a difference a day makes. The relief of being “back to normal” is sooooo good. I feel calm, relaxed and more importantly in control.

I almost can’t believe how manic yesterday seemed now looking back. I could read yesterday’s blog and wonder what all the fuss was about. Who is the mad wummin?!?

I woke at 5am but stayed in bed till 6.30am. I opened my eyes and did a kind of body scan. I felt dizzy but I knew the anxiety had gone.

My friend Anne tagged me in this and it hit the nail on the head 💜💜💜

The lightheaded feeling had gone by the time I left for work…

Sitting at my desk and my mind is clear and focussed. I know what needs doing and I can answer questions clearly without that “Kermit” anxiety attack panic.

So today was a big day at work for me! I did the customer handover for the van I helped spec in one of my first weeks at Tartan HQ. It’s the first one to come full circle!!

And a lovely van it is too! This is a LWB so seems huge compared to the inside of mine!

The lovely girl brought Prosecco for me and beers for the guys to thank us. How lovely eh?! I gave the boys the Prosecco to fight over. 😆

This brought a wee tear. All the way from Canada. After yesterday this was just wow….

I still don’t love myself and I give myself a hard time just for being me. It’s not as if I’m a bad person, I have no idea why I’m always so hard on myself.

I had kinesiology tonight with Shelagh and we did some work that hit me from left field.

If I can’t be open…. What do I think of myself?

Just to ponder that question. All of a sudden. Floods of tears. Out of the blue. From nowhere. Never saw that coming.

Being open is the one thing that justifies me being me. I need everyone to know how I’m feeling so I can relax and excuse myself in any situation. Everyone will go easy on me if they know how I feel deep down.

Jeez I have a dreadful opinion of myself that I need everyone else to justify that it’s ok for me to be me.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense to anyone as it’s only just making sense to me. I’m embarrassed my lack of calmness at times yet I need everyone to know when it happens?!? Go figure?!

I am embarrassed being labelled as “stressed”. I see that as failure.

I’m embarrassed when I get over excited about something as I hear myself chirping like a budgie.

But…. If everyone knows what I’m “going through” on a daily basis then I can allow myself to be me. Wow. You need to sort your head out girl.

🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 actually we just did that at Kinesiology. ♥️ I don’t know where I would be without Shelagh and her amazing treatment. And… I got two of THE best hugs.

All in all today has been a great day. What a difference from yesterday and such a relief.

Who knows tomorrow might be all sweetness and light. Here’s hoping 🤞🏼

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️