It’s 6.52am and I’ve been researching todays blog for over an hour. Gonna put it out early today so it hits before the bells. 🔔🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🔔

I feel like I have a different approach to New Year, this year.

We usually wish everyone a Happy New Year with the thought that this next year WILL be better…. It has to be better. THIS will be (y)our year.

This is the first time I have realised that next year will have the same ups and downs as any other year. Bad things may happen, unforeseen things, things we cannot possibly control… and the year will still carry on, counting each day as it does.

Around all of these things that we can’t control, there will be things that we can control to a lesser extent. Our reactions to any of these events, our reactions to each other, the words we choose when we talk about others, the kindness we spread, or not, as the case may be.

This is my 50th Hogmanay and New Year. That’s a sobering thought. So much has past and yet I’m lucky to still be here when so many are not.

Speaking of sobering…. That’s me hit 4years alcohol free. 4 whole years (give or take this couple of days that I will never let go…. 😂)

A total of 1,458 days without the crutch that got me through life. 899 days where not a drop of alcohol has touched my lips. Ok enough with the stats…. I’m so proud of that as I live right next door to the village pub!!

Last night was the first time, in a long time, that I felt a part of the party. I didn’t single myself out for not drinking, I just relaxed and enjoyed it. The bar staff all know to give me 0%, they’ve made it a safe place for me. I didn’t feel awkward, I didn’t make myself believe they’d have had a better time if I left…. But I did still leave early.

The silence back in my house, even with 3 dogs, was deafening. I sat on the couch, cuddled the pups and took a huge deep breath in. I had a great time but I needed some space. I will allow myself that and not feel bad for it.

I digress…. Yes, again…. So, on to the new year…. I’m not going to give myself an endless list of resolutions that I’m not going to achieve. I am going to work of the following:

• I will speak my truth and then I will be calm
• I will put my needs first and then I can support others from a place of strength
• I will have faith in myself and I will even take some time to be goddam proud of myself
• I will show compassion and kindness to others
• I will be grateful for all that I have
• I will capture as many sunrises and sunsets as I can and of course I will got the sea every chance I can get 😆
• Most of all, I will be present in every moment and just breathe.

Check…. Me. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I know there will be days where anxiety gets the better of me, when tears overflow, when people challenge my inner calm….. but that’s life.

This is life, right here and now, this is it and may we all live ours to the best of our ability.

I think I might spend the day cleaning the house. Not as a chore but in a good way…. A clean house for a fresh year.

So I’ll end this by thanking you all again for being on this journey with me. If I’m truly honest with myself, I still write this more for me than anyone else. I have day 1,000 in two days and I have no idea where to start with that one!!! I had no idea what this might becoming when I started writing it in late March of 2020.

None of us had any idea of how much our lives would change in late March of 2020.

Which totally proves my point. We can only choose our reactions to the world around embrace the next 365 days.

We’ve yet to decide whether we’ll stay home so my nails match my jammies, sit outside with a campfire as we have done for the last few Hogmanays or head into the pub.

This is my favourite Hogmanay photo of us in 2014. We went to a street party in Oban, life before dogs, and I had a magical night. Face the West were headlining the stage…. Face the West are an amazing ceilidh band and I was buzzing the whole time they were on stage. They blew me away!! I was right up front, I’d never done that before. Have a look for them on Spotify if you want a wee Scottish ceilidh band blast. We still talk about my reaction that night. 💙

Happy Hogmanay from a wet and windy Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 but we are hoping for snow over the bells. That would be pretty special.

Blog published at 7.51am. I may need a nap later.

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💙🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

It was torrential rain overnight last night…. The forecast was atrocious.

It was torrential when we got up for the Fit Body Farm. Craig drove this morning (thank you!) and the road was flooded so badly, most is the way. He just had to take his time.

There were only 8 of us today so we managed to work on the cardio machines instead of running outside… (thank you again!!!) We’d have been soaked. I wasn’t particularly feeling it today but I still worked hard.

We came home and had coffee…. Mine black obviously as still fasting and then ended up going back to bed, with the electric blanket on and 3 bounding puppers…. That w lady’s makes for a relaxing nap…. NOT!

I did get a nice warm hour though but fire I got up to meet Gayle, from the little gift shop at 11am.

We went to Mocha JaK’s (click link) at the end of our road for coffee and a cake!! Check the cakes….. Mint Rocky Road and White Chocolate Malteser slice. Uh-mAAA-zin 😋

We had a good natter and could barely move after all that cake.

I was just shy of my 16 hour fast when we met but that’s not the end of the world. I’m not going to let it change my life, just fit in around mine as best I can.

So back home to get ready for the Party in the Pub next door. One of the guys who grew up here, emigrated to Canada years ago and he’s back with his lovely family. We met him the first New Year we were here as he was over that year too. His wife sent out an invitation to the pub for this afternoon so we’re looking forward to it.

So much so….. I randomly got ready a whole hour early by mistake. 😂

I think because I was meeting Gayle, I had it in my head I would be in a rush. When I got home at 12.30 I assumed it was 1.30 and only had an hour to get ready….. so I’ve been sitting on the couch for 40 minutes now, dressed in black, trying not to attract any attention from the hairy creatures (no, not Craig 😂😂).

And just like that’s it’s 8pm!! I’ve had a lovely afternoon in the pub. Lots of laughter and chat. Lots of 0% pink gin and slimline tonic. I had to stop at the back of 6 as I thought I might burst! (also may have wanted to start my fast and not waste it just by drinking juice!) 😂

This is the only picture I got (me & Rachel two doors down!) and I’m not even looking at the camera. Didn’t even get a nice one with Craig and I. 😂

This time 3 years ago, Craig and I were camped out in John O’Groats about to start the North Coast 500 with the Overland Bound guys. We slept in a roof top tent and the dogs slept in the back of Craig’s Jeep.

Gonna be sooooo much warmer in my bed with the electric blanket on tonight!!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Not a clue. I just know that I’m off on holiday and it’s really rather nice. I could get used to this.

I had the best sleep….. I remembered to take my progesterone last night which was good.

I was in bed from 8.30pm right through until 9.20am. I mean, come on, check me.

I could not wake up….. I still have a headache and twinges of cramp and sleeping was just amazing.

I finally dragged myself out of bed and got ready to take the dogs out. Was out by 10am. Was so lucky I didn’t get soaked as it’s rained on and off all day.

I laughed as I walked when I thought “todays dog walk was brought to you by animal pee and poop”… there was a stunning, big Kestrel or Falcon sitting up on a tree in a field as we walked by….. it spread its huge wingspan and took flight, as it pooped out a huge white fountain from its rear. It was amazing to see and of course, I soooo wish I’d caught it on camera.

Next was the sheep that stood staring at me, challenging as it did the longest pee. Made me smile.

Anyway, moving on….. For my 50th birthday I got vouchers from Rachel two doors down and Holly next door, for My Serenity Boutique (click link!) in Kilwinning. I don’t get much chance to get there so had it in mind to head there today. I asked Rachel if she was free and off we went post dog walk.

I forgot to take a pic of the shop when we arrived so I pinched this off their website.

I was actually shaking as I got there as I’d struggled to get parked in the car park. As usual my fight or flight just wants to head home as the car park was too busy. Rachel noticed a woman leaving and I got I her space no problem. Bloody anxiety is such a pain at times. I was convinced I was going to hit something.

So I managed to get a lovely pair of fur lined biker boots and a T-shirt. All in all I spent £2. What an amazing gift eh?!

We flew back up the road as I had a nail appointment at 1.30pm at Viv’s Nails and Beauty in Glengarnock. All go on my day off! 😂

Back to a lovely red in time for Hogmanay. It will go great with my red jammies if we decide to stay home instead of go out 😂😂

I’m still fasting. I did 18 hours today. Sill drinking plenty of water and honestly not feeling hungry at all. It seems to work for me.

Check this lovely candle my mother in law gave me.

It’s so pretty.

I was driving around today thinking how miserable this dark, wet and windy weather is. It felt quite a negative thought.

Then I realised it allows us to rest. It allows us the excuse of lighting candles, snuggling in blankets in front of the fire and generally relaxing. I love the twinkly lights against the dark.

I’ve found a few lovely things on line that I want to share.

We talked about going out for dinner tonight but I think it will be another night in instead. 😂 Can never have too much relaxation.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’ve had a lovely day so far today, but I am shattered.

Three days of “making merry” on the trot. We’ve spent some precious time with family, we don’t do that often enough.

I didn’t get to bed until 11.30pm last night….. super late for me considering I was getting up at 5am, for the Fit Body Farm this morning.

I made it though and I’m so glad I did. It would have been so easy to stay home after a late night.

There were only 10 of us this morning but I really enjoyed the workout… I blasted Spotify on the way home and sang some tunes. Life is good after a workout.

I took Calaidh, Bhruic and Freya out for a walk but it really is a pretty dark and dreary day.

No mean feat getting down in the middle of the road to take this shot when 3 dogs are attached to your other arm!!

I’m still fasting so when I got home I started on the stairs with my magic dog hair removal brush!!! I love it.

I know this is disgusting for those of you who don’t have dogs…. But this is as good as getting a new hoover…. The stairs are a different colour now. 😂

Then I decided to have a bath. I never have a bath. I pretty much dislike having a bath but for some reason I felt the need today.

I used my new Happy Place Calm candle and body wash (pressie from Mum), with toasted marshmallow bubble bath (pressie from Holly next door) and Aveda intensive conditioning hair treatment, from my M&S Advent Calendar from my Uncle Campbell and Auntie Mo! I really miss my advent calendar as my daily treats have stopped now. it was such a lovely start to each day.

Of course I cleaned the bathroom after I used it but I was getting tired….

The pups have been sniffing me like crazy as I smell so different…. Clean maybe… they’re not used to that 😂😂

For the rest of the day I’ve been sitting in front of the fire…. In the clean Christmas onesie…. Oooh fire is about to go out…. Dammit…. Must go add some logs.

Done!

I’ve read my book. I’ve snoozed.

I have a nagging headache and the rumblings of stomach cramp so I’ve felt pretty rotten at times but I’ve been in the best place for it. Just chilling.

I managed another 17 hour fast. Today was the hardest. I was more aware of it than I usually am.

Craig’s been working most of the day. It’s such a shame he’s not been able to take a break but we need the jobs when we can get them. He is watching the football tonight so I’ll curl up in bed, with the electric blanket on. Like the sound of that already!

We had a delivery of left over Christmas food from Holly next door. I’ve made a huge feast for a late afternoon lunch/early dinner. Soooo good. We are so very lucky!!

So yeah… I’m hoping the rest of the week is as relaxing. I’m enjoying a break from work. Need to get some holidays planned for next year to look forward to (other than Iceland of course!)

This last one says it all for me. I hope I say this often enough but thank you. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this. Whether I know that you are there or not. It means so much to me that anyone would take the time to read what’s going on in my head.

A very big thank you!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

We’ve had a very lazy morning. It’s super icy here, the slushy snow froze about 7pm last night and despite a morning of rain, it’s still icy out there.

We had a lovely day with Mum and Dad yesterday. Of course I took lots of photos. 😂

Both Christmas Day and Boxing Day have just been 4 of us for the meal as our brothers and sisters had other plans. Today we are heading off to Alloa, to meet up with all of Craig’s family.

The drive over to Penicuik yesterday, was snowy on and off all the way. The Pentland Hills are up under those clouds!

Their Christmas tree was lovely too.

A lot better than the one Mum they had in 2020!!! that still makes me laugh!!

We did presents and got lots of lovely gifts.

Bhru was hoping for some snacks 😂

Oh and Craig has a bigger bauble than me….. 😂

We had a lovely Boxing Day dinner. I managed to get a bit of everything before I started my fast again at 6pm.

In between courses we sat and had a rest and got some Freya puppy cuddles.

Love these photos… I tried to take a photo of mum and dad in front of the tree and Bhru decided to get a look in.

Got a nice one though.

Then some group shots.

The puppers decided it was time to go home…. actually they really just wanted to go out a walk so Craig and Dad took them out just before we left.

I was watching the weather all day but actually missed the face that all the snow and rain had frozen over. But the time we left, it was like a skating rink.

I was sooooo nervous. Like driving Miss Daisy…. On one hand my eyesight was good and I wasn’t completely blinded by glare, on the other I was petrified of skidding… in a car I’m not used to driving.

We got home with any mishap whatsoever… of course we did. The back garden was like glass….

I’ve managed 20 hours of fasting today, which I actually can’t believe. I find it so easy. I said no to breakfast this morning and have only drink black coffee and lots of water. I had a bacon roll just before we left.

It’s a miserable day here today, so dark and wet. I’m driving home again tonight so am hoping it doesn’t freeze over again. I will be watching!!

I did forget to take my progesterone last night, for the first time. Need to remember to take it later. It makes you drowsy so I didn’t take it this morning when I remembered.

Sorry I do feel a bit like the blog is…. I went here, I went there, I ate this, I ate that just now. I guess that’s what life is over Christmas. I am tired but I’m enjoyed thinking of what to wear, putting makeup on and different jewellery. You know me, I don’t get out much so this is a wee change.

Hope you’re all having a lovely few days and if not, I hope you find some peace soon.

Stay safe everyone 🌲🎅🏼🤶🏼

We had a lovely Christmas Day at Craig’s mum’s. Helen and Doug put on the most amazing spread. Don’t think I finished eating until about 8.30pm. I switched to the “fast” on my app and managed 14 hours and 40 minutes until breakfast at 11.08am precisely. 🙄😂

Bhruic has kisses for her Gran!

The Christmas table all set.

Christmas selfie!

Out with the mains! I actually really thought about my portion sizes which is completely a first for me, certainly over Christmas.

Freya’s had too much excitement!

Doug has the most amazing Christmas lights outside the house too.

And some really lovely ones inside too.

I just loved the tree 🌲

We woke up to very light snow!

Enough to freak me out….. she who’s suddenly nervous of driving now. I really hope that I can fight through that as I’m not putting up with that fear.

Two squirrels in this next photo….

The pups enjoyed some Festive Butternut Box for breakfast this morning. It says to have with some mulled water 😆

So we’re now on our way from East Kilbride to Penicuik, to my mum and dads for Boxing Day. Don’t know where the morning went but it’s 1.15pm already.

Hope you all have a lovely day!

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

It’s Christmas Day 2022 already?!?! How did that even happen? Where did 2020 go?!? Time just flies doesn’t it….

We’ve had a lovely relaxing day. No presents for us but we’ve been spoiled already as we went upstairs to our neighbours, Holly and Kenny’s, for breakfast at 10.30.

Holly lays on a lovely spread for Christmas breakfast!!! We need a nap before dinner 🤦🏻‍♀️😆

We got lovely gifts and have some Icelandic Króna!!! How lovely.

I then popped in to see Claire and we swapped lovely gifts too!

Now we’re off to Craig’s mum’s for Christmas dinner with the 3 crazy pups in tow.

They have a lovely tree!

This is the best I got of the dogs in front of the tree!

Calaidh is excited getting a Christmas pres!

Treat time!!

And little Cookie watches it all happen from her ivory tower. 😆

Forgot to say I did go to church last night and it was a lovely service with lots of carol singing. A lovely Christmas Eve. 🎄

And I still managed a 17 hour fast from after dinner last night until breakfast today. I’m really pleased with that.

So I’m going to leave this here. It’s 5.30pm and we’re going to sit down to our starters.

Merry Christmas to you all…. And lots of love. ♥️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work I go…. 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

If you have to work anywhere on Christmas Eve, the little gift shop is probably the place to do it!

We’re open from 9.30 until 1pm today then that’s a wrap on all forms of working in 2022. Except maybe some dog behaviour calls. 🙄🐶🐾☎️

Of course I’ve been wide awake since 6am.

We had a lovely Christmas Turkey buffet next door in the Gateside Inn last night. Big slabs of turkey in gravy that just melt in the mouth. Here is my handsome husband and I ready to head in.

I only got about half an hour between work and heading out to freshen up and write last nights blog.

We had a drink at the bar included in our £15 a head package. Check Rachel-two-doors-down’s Christmas jumper!

I fasted for about 19 hours overnight Friday into Saturday. I feel sooooo much better for it. It would also appear I’m a lot less able to gorge on buffet food when it is presented to me. I think I’d have been able to eat twice what I had last night, if I’d tried it a week ago!!

A piece of chocolate fudge cake sent me over the edge though. Sooo full. I was home and tucked up in bed by 8.30pm while the roars of laughter and merriment boom through the bedroom wall. (remember how close the pub is!)

I had moments of sadness where I think that everyone else is enjoying themselves when I am not…. But then I remember that I’m doing what I want to do, what I need to do. Having political chats over dinner does not help my head at all especially when everyone seems to think the opposite from me. I need to distance myself from anything that triggers a negative emotion right now.

Actually….. as I write that… I need to learn to let things that I don’t like, just wash over me.

That is the lesson for today. Hmmmm I knew there was a reason I kept writing this blog. I’ll do me and let you do you. If I see you saying something I don’t agree with I just move on and don’t feel I have to fight that battle. Huh. 🤷🏻‍♀️😆 not saying that will always be easy but I’ll try it. Through gritted teeth maybe…. 😂

Anyway, I’m up, bright eyed and bushy tailed ready for work.

Not gonna lie… I am looking forward to nestivus 😂😂😂

For me, this is what Christmas is all about. Spending time with our loved ones at this special time.

Work was super busy today! Another great Saturday and at 1pm we closed the door and switched the lights off and someone still came in to shop in the dark 😂 by 1.30pm we were done in! We had no Christmas cheer left 😂😂😂

So I’m back home, have hoovered the living room and sun room, put jammie bottoms on and am about to start wrapping some final wee bits and bobs.

We’re gonna have a chilled out Christmas Eve with movies and Christmas party nibbles.

I might be going to church for the Watchnight Service tonight. That’s a huge part of my growing up. We always went to midnight service from when I was 12, as we were all in the church choir.

Sadly Grandad died that very first year I was allowed to go.

We came out of the church and all the adults were talking over my head. I remember feeling very small at the time…. And nervous, as I knew there was something very wrong.

There were family members in that church car park that did not go to church….

Grandad had been very busy the week in the run up to Christmas. A family Christmas was his big thing and yet that was the first year we weren’t all going to be together.

He was in bed and got up to go through to the bathroom and Nana heard him hit the bath. He was gone in an instant. A massive heart attack. He was only 56. It was 12.10am on Christmas morning.

(I should say here that this is how I remember it, just in case I got some of that wrong!)

So midnight service means a lot to me.

It does show us that this time of year is difficult for so many. It’s a special time of year that brings out many emotions for people.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas Eve… I hope that Santa is good to you all and that you spend your Christmas exactly the way you want to.

Love to you all ♥️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It’s 8.09am. We did not go to the Farm this morning as I didn’t get to bed until after 11 last night….. oh no you didn’t?!? Oh yes I did… panto…. See what I did there?!?

Can I just start by saying…… oh my actual god, I have been lying here in bed, listening to the incessant blog writer inside my head….. wittering away at me for the last 2 and a half hours. I don’t feel rested at all!!! I’ve woken up raging!!

I needed to sleep so badly, I’m shattered.

Craig said in the calmest voice, “when you get like that you should focus on something else……. “ 😳 The lion roared!!!! “Focus on something else?!?! Focus on something else?!! Do you not think I haven’t tried that for the last few hours?!??”

Morning 😱😳🙄😀😂😘

I thought it was best to write this to shut that, now very tired voice, up.

I’ve also realised I’ve been clenching my jaw as I’ve got up with a thumping head. I guess maybe I have slept, in between the incessant chatter.

Anyway, let’s go back to last night. Our niece, Marianna was amazing!!! The cast were exceptional, so professional. Pace Youth Theatre are doing the pantomime, Cinderella, this Christmas.

The energy, the costumes and the set were amazing and it’s all done inside a shop that they have taken over in Paisley.

They make amazing use of constricted space to create a small theatre.

We were so proud to see Marianna as for so many years we haven’t gone to the see the things she has done.

Incredible performance by all… the wicked stepmother was brilliant. That girl uses her face to tell the story.

I think so many of them will go far in life. The ugly sisters were hysterical too.

The lines they came out with……. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😂😂😂

So let’s go back and read what a pantomime actually is and then stop a minute and think about who I am these days….

I dressed up, I sat among hundreds of people, there were lots of young children and I sat like I had a neon flashing sign over my head that screamed “please don’t look at me”…. As if they would…. I was like a fish out of water….. as one of the ugly sisters looked for a “target” of “her” affections in the audience, I WILLED Craig to grow shorter than his 6ft 3ins seated self!!!!

When we’re asked to participate, the words won’t come out of my mouth….. 😂 honestly looking back my reaction is hysterical. I literally froze the whole way through until the finale. I was a contorted, uncomfortable mess…. 😂😂

With hindsight it was just another step in the evolution of the new me. Something to think about and understand about myself.

So all of that said and done, I’m so glad that we got to see her perform and watch the wonderful, confident and clever girl that she has grown up to be. We aren’t a very hands on Auntie & Uncle and we need to change that.

So back to today. Wow. Record day in the shop today!

I worked from 9.30 until 5pm. By the back of 4 our “cheery hellos” to customers were waning but we had a laugh and apologised for how tired we were sounding. It’s been a really busy day. My busiest yet. Everyone asked if we were finished our Christmas shopping yet and were we ready…. I changed my answer every time.

Truth is I am kind of there but operating on a reduced service this year so I am reluctant to admit to anyone that I am ready. 😂

So many people in for last minute, wee mindings…. So many men finally getting around to shopping too.

It has been a really good day. That place is good for me!!

Now I’m home. I have an hour between work and a wee village get together in the pub. We do get a two course Christmas meal “leftover” buffet so it’s great I don’t need to cook!

I actually only have 25 minutes left so I best go and make myself presentable.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas Eve Eve evening…. Had to think about that?!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I was in bed for 8.30pm last night. Couldn’t keep my eyes open. Slept until 5.15am….. then tried my hardest to get back to sleep, but it was not to be.

Rumour has it I may have woken someone else up but I don’t believe that for a minute 🤷🏻‍♀️🙄😂

My head was buzzing with everything that needed doing today before we finished up.

I honestly don’t know where the day went. It didn’t stop…..

We were very lucky and got a Christmas bonus AND a bottle AND lunch!

I went out mid morning to buy the bottles and oh my word, Tesco was HEAVING. I have never seen the car park so busy. I had to queue to get in! I chose myself a bottle of 0% Gordon’s pink gin. 😁

I still can’t believe that I don’t drink at times like this…. The alcohol aisles were full to bursting. There were trolleys of drink to go out into the shelves. They were stocking up as fast as the shelves were emptying. It’s no wonder the alcohol industry doesn’t ever get pulled up for the amount of poison they pump into peoples bodies. Our country must make a fortune on the amount that they sell…. It’s still the only socially acceptable drug that people regularly push you to use.

Wow, that totally sums up my use of alcohol, I was constantly trying not to feel how wrong my life was. I used it to get me through my working week. I didn’t like who it made me become.

This next one makes me cringe but I’m putting it out there. I have to sit with every yucky feeling and feel every single bit of it now. That’s hard.

And finally…. I share this every year but it’s worth remembering.

Anyway, Christmas drinkers didn’t need a lecture from the newly sober me…. I was that person once.

In a few weeks it will be 4 years of alcohol free for me. Who’d a thunk it, as my Gran would say?!

Back to my day…. we were really busy and it was a good day…. We managed to shut up early and got away at 2pm. I stayed back to wash Abbie the Campervan too as she was filthy!

As I drove home I had a near miss as a car careered towards me on the A736. He was overtaking at a bit where the two white lines in the road indicate that it is ILLEGAL TO OVERTAKE!!!

The adrenaline really floods through you at times like that. He made it back into his lane just in time but I did to have to slam on the brakes.

Anyway, home safe and sound. Did a wee bit of last minute Tartan work and am now sitting writing this.

We have the theatre tonight. We’re going to see our neice, Marianna, perform in PACE Youth Theatre’s Cinderella. Looking forward to seeing her!

Im still intermittent fasting. I did an 18 hour and 15 minute fast overnight and up until lunchtime today. I find it really easy. I drink lots of water which is win, win. I feel so much less bloated and lethargic. It really works for me. Not sure how long I’ll be able to carry it on for, over the next few days but hey… I’m giving it a shot.

So that’s all for now folks… got an hour until I have to get ready and we’re watching the new Jack Ryan season on Amazon Prime so might just squeeze one of them in.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Finally it’s the shortest day of the year and these cold, dark nights can do one!

Well ok, it’s a good while until we get rid of them completely but it’s a very positive start.

Positive Sporty Spice got out of bed this morning. Who knew she was in there after Monday’s efforts which I felt so sluggish and lethargic?!?

I’ve actually being doing some intermittent fasting for the last few days. Stop eating after dinner and don’t eat again until lunch time the next day. It’s made such a difference to my lethargy. I find it really easy to do when I’m at Tartan as I just eat at lunch. I have peppermint tea and black decaf coffee through the morning, along with plenty water.

For someone who stresses out added tasks into the day… intermittent fasting is a whole lot easier than prepping hand cooked meals. Just don’t eat. Boom.

So I last ate at 6.15pm last night and didn’t eat again until 12.35pm today. I’ve had lots to drink and only started to feel hungry about an hour before lunch. It’s definitely the way to go for me just now.

This is us at 5.30am.

It’s the Twelve days of Christmas workout at the Farm this morning, when means Christmas jumpers and a whole lotta hard work!

Here are the 6am crew!

And this is the dark workout board that I took when I left at 7.30!

It’s an accumulator. I did the lap of the garden. Craig did a lap of the garden and two press-ups. I did a lap of the garden, two press-ups and 3 kettlebell shoulder presses and so on. Poor Craig has the 11 things to do just before we hit the 12 burpees!!! I got a wee rest before joining in with him on them.

I wanted to run like the wind this morning. I was buzzing and full of energy.

Check Santa in the background of this next one!! That girl did the whole workout dressed like that. Huge well done.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I could have kept going even after all that.

It’s sooooo dark this morning. Thankfully Craig went and got me the head torch (I forgot!) so I could see to get back to the van after my shower.

All that early morning excitement said and done, it’s been a miserable day today. it has just rained, and sometimes rained sideways, all day.

And it’s been sooooo dark.

Our sunrise today was 8.46am and sunset at 3.47pm.

And from tomorrow it will start to get lighter a wee bit every night. Yay! Flip flops here we come.

So I’m home now and crochet is cancelled tonight as we’re on our Christmas break… I forgot about that so I have an unexpected chill out bight. The jammies are on, the fire and candles are on and Craigie’s on dinner!

Today has been a good head day. I’m tired but not exhaustively so, I’m not sluggish or lethargic. It feels good.

And finally…. Remembering that dreadful day, 34 years ago today. 💔 I still remember exactly where I was when the news was first reported. I was 16.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’m in work a bit earlier today so thought I’d write this down as it’s in my head….

I just shared this on a FB group, After Dry January. I’m one of the admin on the page and wanted people to see that it was ok to be what you need to be over the Christmas period.

None of us HAVE to be the life and soul of everything. We have to do what’s right for us.

I am very conscious that I’m hiding just now. I’m super quiet, I’m trying to keep away from any drama, negativity and hype. I know I’m doing it. I’m retreating into myself a bit.

The fear is still there. I’m scared something runs out in front of me on the road, I’m scared something goes wrong at work…. But most of all I’ve woken up today with a clearer head.

I don’t feel fuggy and exhausted. I feel more in control. I slept on the couch from about 8pm and went through to bed at 9.30 and slept right through. Musta needed it.

Thought I should capture this moment where I could actually muster a smile…. In case I forget about it by the end of the day!!

Yup… glad I did that as I might have forgotten. 😂

I think it’s easy when your head is down to wallow in the negativity. To embrace it as if you own it. It keeps the ego, that voice inside your head happy. That voice that says your worthless….

So I need to shake out of this and embrace this week, for what it is.

I’m in jammies (what’s new!) you knew that….. I’ve had some pizza for dinner and I’m making soup for tomorrow.

Our forecasts are suggesting snow in the next few days but it keeps changing. One minute it’s inches of snow, the next minute nothing. We just need it to make its mind up so we know if it’s a white Christmas or not!!

Pink is snow!! Now it seems to be fog….

I’m going to wrap some presents tonight. Stop moaning and embrace it. 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It is ROASTING today… compared to the temperatures we’ve been having, this is positively tropical.

It’s due to hit 12°C today. Last week we had minus 10!

My head is not great today. I woke at 4.15 and could have cried at the thought of having to go to the Farm, and into work. I’m still really tired. I can’t think straight, my mind is so sleepy. I just want to stay home, sleeping, but I force myself to get up. I make breakfast and pull together some lunch and head off in the dark to the Farm. (You can tel I’m still not loving the drive…)

The gym is still freezing inside but it’s much warmer outside. We have a good workout today but it all feels like an effort to me. I have that stroppy kid inside me huffing and puffing as it doesn’t want to do any of these things.

I just want to sit in silence inside my own head. It feels safe in there.

The fear is quite predominant this morning…. What could possibly go wrong?!? Everything, if that voice in my head is to be believed.

I cried after the class when I caught Craig’s eye and he asked how I was…. One of those days.

The floodlights were on when I left, so that was a bonus… I could see.

I’ve also been trying to cheer up my low mood with food…..

The office is sweltering when I get in. Some kind soul has left the heating on, thinking it would be freezing again today. Off comes the anorak, the fleecey buff and the Christmas jumper within the first 5 minutes of being in! both heaters switched off. So different from last week 😆

I actually had a good day at work. The day went really quickly. It’s blawin’ a hoolie and raining for most of the day.

I’ve felt a lot better at work than I did earlier. As usual I seem to be better when I’m busy.

This is a particularly difficult time of year. I think many of us feel a lot of pressure to celebrate and be merry.

I am already overwhelmed with everything that needs doing. I can’t remember ANYTHING unless I write it down. We are busy now until Wednesday 28th December and I saw this and it completely resonated with me.

Anyway, I’m bored reading this back as it sounds like in whinging. It’s just a wee bit of low mood and motivation. I struggle to take anything else on board over and above my work. When I put it like that, it’s that simple.

I’m in fresh Christmas jammies as onesie has hit the washing. These are not as warm but I could be sitting here in shorts and still be warm tonight I think….. 😂 positively tropical… 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I was in bed at 10pm last night and managed to stay in bed until 8.30am this morning. I’d snoozed on and off all evening watching trashy, but sweet, romcoms.

I was awake a good few times, through the night, but managed to doze back off, thankfully. I’m still really tired today. It’s 3.20pm and I could manage a wee nap…. I might just do that while Craig watches the World Cup Final.

I got up to walk the dogs but it was super icy again. I got my big coat on and went out into the garden and threw balls for the dogs. I then randomly started cutting back bushes. As you do on a very cold December morning, a week before Christmas!

I went to Beith Parish Church this morning as my neighbour, Holly, took the Nativity service and we went to support her.

Rachel, two doors down took the actual church selfie! I did force her into it 😂

I used to be a choir girl when I was wee. I was a member of St James the Less, Penicuik and sang in the church choir until I was about 18 before I went off to University in Edinburgh. Church is a HUGE trip down memory lane for me. I’ve not carried on my “membership”…. What does that even mean but it’s a huge reminder of my childhood. Church was a huge part of Christmas for us.

St James have their 9 Lessons and Carol Service tonight. I would love to be there but just not enough to actually go.

I seem to have developed a bit of a driving anxiety over the last few weeks. I’m reluctant to go anywhere much because I don’t want to drive. I’m sure it will pass. It might be the dark, the cold weather or just the fact that Abbie the Campervan has had her wobbles. She’s stopped wobbling but I am definitely having a driving wobble just now.

I’ve not had any more heart palpitations which is good. Just a crawling unease about driving.

Anyway, the service was lovely and Holly did very well. I got to sing “Once in Royal David’s City”, “ Away in a Manger” and “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” this morning…. A shyly as I could. I just wanted to let it rip 😂😂😂

When I came back I felt I was all dressed up, with nowhere to go….. I stood around for about 10 minutes, trying to figure out what best to do.

I got the onesie on, put Die Hard on tv…. Yes it is a Christmas movie 😂 and started wrapping presents.

Die Hard is a Christmas movie… these T-shirts from last year, say it all.

So that’s Sunday. It’s 4pm now and I’m acting like the day is over and it’s not at all. There are still another 3 Die Hard movies to watch 🎬😂 and that nap!

Oh forgot to say, still getting lots of lovely M&S advent gifts…. This morning’s was nail polish but I’ve had new perfume, an eye liner and L’Occitane hand cream which is £17 alone!!

It’s been the best gift. I might ask for an advent calendar for my birthday every year 😂

Have a lovely Sunday evening and remember, we can handle everything this week throws at us.

It’s a busy one for me, working right up until 1pm on Christmas Eve. 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Another busy day in the life…… we woke to a very light dusting of snow which had frozen over! It was like an ice rink out there!

The road was like glass.

Thankfully Craigie was driving this morning. I don’t know that I would have driven if I was going on my own.

The nervousness/anxiety hung around yesterday, to the point that I actually looked up heart palpitations. Sure enough they are a possible side effect of HRT in the first few months.

I feel a bit better about it knowing it’s just that, but it’s still a horrible feeling. I’ve had them again today but not as bad as yesterday, thankfully.

The Farm was good this morning. It was all indoors apart from one exercise. He had salted around the door so it wasn’t icy!! The temperature really picked up when we were there and when you stepped outside to do the outdoor exercise, 2°C felt positively tropical!

Craig showed me a YouTube clip of people stuck on a road in Gloucester before I went out to work today. Folk were all over the road, in their cars, vans and buses. due to the ice and snow. I started to cry as I watched it!! What’s that all about?!?

To be fair there was a black camper van involved and it could be that the whole scenario is my worst nightmare. I felt really sorry for everyone involved….

I left for the little gift shop feeling really nervous….. yet our roads were fine by that time.

Anyway, I’m waffling. Work was busy…. Lots of Christmas cards being bought today and a good few men are shopping now.

Gayle let me go as few minutes early as I had the Crochet Hookers Christmas lunch at 4pm. The waited for me to finish work.

We had a lovely meal at the Gateside Inn. Lots of great chatter and did a Secret Santa!

It’s 8.30pm and I’m just home. I’m shattered now. Had a lovely day!

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

What a stunningly beautiful day. 💙

I took a holiday today as I could see it was the last day of freezing cold sunshine for the foreeable future. The calm before the storm.

I set the alarm for 8.30am….. I was woken by Craig’s alarm at 5.45am. 😳

He slept on.

I did not….. 😳

So, I knew I wanted to see as much of the lovely day but also wanted to pick up some Christmas presents, my head started on that plan at 5.46am. 🙄😬

Today I enjoyed the good stuff….. I decided to head up to our local Barcraig’s Reservoir, for sunrise.

Now I should say here, there was a LOT of overthinking between 5.46am and 8am when I decided to leave…. What if the single track roads are really icy? Didn’t put the windscreen cover on Abbie, what if I can’t get her clear in time? What if I can’t get parked? What if I don’t go to the right place and miss the sunrise. I’m really nervous for some reason.

I fought through all of that and was still nervous until I actually got parked and jumped out the van, without any hiccups.

This is where I parked.

And this is what I find……

All of sudden there’s a ruckus over the water…. The geese are “chattering”…. And top goose says “c’mon guys, we’re aff” (they’re Scottish geese obviously!)

That was the most amazing experience. If you’ve access to FB, pop into my page for the video clips I shared. The noise!!!

The sun is just about to rise. The only sounds are the geese and planes taking off from Glasgow Airport. (The geese were not taking off from the airport obviously!) There’s a hum of traffic from a distant Glasgow. It’s so crisp and clear that sound carries so clearly.

Wow. I can honestly feel the warmth from the sun already. My toes are numb, my fingers are almost sore. My gloves are on and off like a yo-yo, so I can take photos. 😆

It’s been so worth the wait.

I then go for a wander.

We live in a beautiful world when we actually take the time to stop and look around. I’m blown away by the beauty.

Abbie the Campervan nestled under the trees. Check the colour on the bush in the middle of the pic. The sun is just touching it.

The frost is so thick.

Now two suns!

Now almost 3… with a plane flying directly overhead. What a view they must have!

I finally dragged myself away about 9.30am.

I can’t tell you how good that makes me feel. The calm, the peace, the solitude and the beauty just blows me away. I’m so proud of myself for fighting the doubt and so grateful that it was just that special.

I head to Starbucks for a Caramel Waffle Coconut Latte… with whipped cream. Yeah, I get the irony… 😆

I forget to order decaf…..

I spent the next few hours wandering around the shops. I didn’t get much but even the car park was lovely in that frosty sun!

I came home for a bite of lunch with Craig and then we headed down to Portencross for sunset.

I am so nervous it’s unreal. My stomach is churning and the nerves create a pain in my chest. Why do I feel so bad? It’s like I’ve lost confidence in my driving completely. Have I lost confidence in Abbie the Campervan, who’s running better than she has all year?

I struggle to see in the low sun glare, the windscreen gets covered in salt spray pretty quickly and the windscreen washers are too icy to work. When it’s darker the headlights dazzle me, I just feel a bit out of my depth.

It could be the double shot of caffeine from Starbucks, but I was nervous when I woke up too so that’s maybe only exacerbated it.

Strange. A new one to be explored.

Anyway, we had a lovely time once I got us there.

We walked out to my usual bit in the rocks.

Craigie took over the photography for a minute 😂

When I suddenly realised the tide was coming up between my legs!!!

Time to move back!

All too quickly the sun was down.

Thought this cloud looks like a mushroom or jellyfish?! 🍄

My sun rose at 8.53am and set at 3.32pm. A quick day!

Then I went to get my nails done…. Yup I’m knackered writing it!

I’ve had a lovely time. I don’t understand the nerves (which are still churning!) but I’m sure they will pass as soon as I get my Christmas onesie on and settle down for the night…. (Yes the Christmas onesie needs washed soon!!)

Stay safe everyone 🌅❄️☀️

Minus 10°C this morning. It is another level of cold from the last few days.

Craig started both cars before we left for the Farm at 5.30am. I say this as this is perfectly normal… it’s a horrific carbon footprint for us both to drive separately, but I go straight into work after the workout and a shower, so don’t head back home.

We were awake at 4.25am but I had turned the lights out at 8.30pm last night. I slept like a log all night again. The bedroom is freezing but the bed is toasty. I wish I was there now.

Since we were pretty sharp this morning, I decided to stop at the cheap diesel garage in Stewarton again.

This time the pump started to pour diesel over the forecourt as it loaded the van. I put my finger under it to check it wasn’t water. Nope. Diesel. Like it was ever going to be anything else. 😂

I popped in to say to the lady, then had to move pumps. Then tried to pay with a card that didn’t have enough in the account.

By this time we were late for the Farm. 😂😂

It was baltic….. normally you heat up when you’re moving but I was very aware of the biting cold every time I waved a limb around the gym. My face and teeth (random!) were sore with the cold.

We did a Spartan 300 workout this morning.

The challenge is to do all of that in 11 minutes. I mean all of that before the 50 burpees at the end…. Even that was gonna be hard. I managed it in 15 minutes 40 seconds. It was tough going. One guy managed it in 9.5 mins. Amazing!

The shower was very cold, then blistering hot, then very cold as if the temperature was playing havoc with the water flow.

All worth while in the silence when I pull down the shutter and leave for work (without the head torch today dammit!!)

Painfully cold 🥶 but incredibly peaceful.

Unfortunately, the guy who puts my wee heater on, forgot today. 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄😬 he does it religiously… forgets when it’s -10°C 😂😂

The wee fan heaters took an hour to heat the room so I kept my coat on until 9.30am. Everyone is cold today.

So we’ve had a burning smell since yesterday morning…. We’ve sniffed and touched everything and not found the source of it… until today.

Of course it’s the plug in the wall where everything runs out of. Of course we never actually moved the desk to get behind it to check that plug. Until today.

We were very lucky the smell was so strong that we didn’t let it go. So we spent 3 hours today rewiring and moving the office around!

So I’m actually taking a holiday tomorrow and was frantically trying to get my ducks in a row today… 3 hours of office move was not in my plan. 😂 Still we moved it around, had a clean and a clear out and it looks much better.

I’ve brought the Christmas lights home with me though, as I reckon the limited sockets could do without a set of Christmas lights to power.

I followed Craig up the road home tonight…. Pointing out our horrific carbon footprint again… he had a client south of my work and just so happened we left at almost exactly the same time. It’s funny when that happens.

So crochet is cancelled tonight as we have our Christmas lunch on Friday so I have a dog behaviour enquiry call to make tonight at 7.30pm. My first in about a year and a half. Then feet up and relax in between hanging washing and doing the dishes. 😂

Stay warm and safe everyone ❄️❄️❄️

I had the best sleep last night. I slept all night and could hardly wake at the alarm. I felt really refreshed.

I saw this on FB and shared it first thing. Read it slowly.

I’ve thought about this all day.

I would never have taken the time to read this or even digest it, in the past.

I wore my “busyness” as a badge of honour. I was so proud of the fact I never stopped…I left the house at 6.15am and got home by 6.30pm at the very earliest. I was actually really proud of myself for being the last to leave some nights. I’d still be looking at my phone and answering emails after work.

I was a very busy fool.

I am so grateful that I got to stop, look around and listen for a few years.

This moment right here… this is your life. This is it.

It’s not the holiday you are looking forward to. Not the regrets that you have about the past. But here. Now. Right now. This is your life and it’s up to you to choose what you make of it.

You chose how you react to difficult situations in your life. You take control of your present moment and make it what you want it to be.

Stop. Breathe in that freezing cold air outside and be present. (put a coat on!!)

This is one of the nicest times of the year. Marvel at all the twinkling lights, the festivities and the buzz that people have before Christmas, because all too soon it will be 2023 and we will wonder where 2022 went. We never get another shot at the 13th December 2022.

This is also something for us women to think about whenever anyone takes a photo over Christmas…. 📸

Craig had an amazing day today…. He had an unexpected day off and I came home to the fire on, all the candles lit, dinner ready, all the wood stores filled with freshly chopped wood and a happy smiling boy. He could have lazed about all day but he chose to make it worthwhile.

Anyway…. Check me waxing lyrical like some kind of zen master. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 (For those of you who know me well…. Do as I say, not as I do. 😂😂)

Here are some of our lights..

We’re not having a tree this year in an effort to save money but we’re enjoying the lights and candles instead.

I wore so many layers to work today! It was -6°C when I left for work. A real heavy frost.

I love walking out to this Christmassy scene.

Just been out the back with the dogs and the cold takes your breathe away. Wish us luck for the Fit Body Farm in the morning…. ❄️❄️❄️

Stay warm and safe everyone ❄️❄️❄️

We’ve had a high of 0°C today (32°F). It’s been breathtaking outside.

It’s still so beautiful. The early morning frost is very thick and not a cloud in the sky at sunrise this morning.

We left the Christmas lights on overnight, by mistake… you’d think we had money to burn?!? 😂

The Fit Body Farm had gritted yesterday, but the paths had turned to ice by this morning. We got to work out indoors today but don’t reckon the temperature was much higher than outside.

It was a great workout but a few too many core holds for my minor stomach cramps’ liking. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Amazing colours when I left but I was so grateful to Craig for running back into the farm to leave me his head torch. It’s really dark when I leave and it really helps to see the ice before you slip on it!

As I stand here, there’s no sound. Nothing. Only peace and tranquility. It’s bitterly cold. I don’t my jacket or gloves on… but I could stand her all day and soak up the peace and those amazing colours.

I could have so easily stayed in bed today and missed this. I was almost begging Craig (in my on head!) to say he didn’t want to go… I had every excuse thought out. That I owed myself the rest.

Yet I went…. Had a good workout and saw all this. All before work!!

Work was busy as usual and actually passed in a flash. It’s almost dark again but the time I leave.

I went straight to Sports Direct to try and get my wetsuit changed. (remember the zip had burst last Sunday after only being worn once?!)

Craig’s been dealing with them online and getting nowhere so I thought a face to face would help.

It would appear not.

The retail outlet can’t take an online return.

The agreed the zip shouldn’t have broken so early on, agree that dealing with online is a nightmare, they gave me a phone number and wished me luck. 🍀

I think I might go straight to Trading Standards. 😂 a bit dramatic but hey I’m hormonal, it’s allowed.

I called mum on the way home from work and felt like I just moaned at her for ages. I actually ended the call by apologising and telling her I wasn’t feeling anywhere near as bad as I sounded!! 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 I was just in a right mumph… whatever that even is. I’m tired and hungry. 🙄

So I am home cooking leek and pesto pasta for dinner as I type this. Multitasking at its best. (There were times at work today when I couldn’t remember anything… it was comical… I looking up a customer in our system to find an invoice but… was actually going a google search….. 😳 it made me laugh!)

I’m going to be taking on some dog behavioural calls again for the next wee while to help out. Julie 3 jobs 😳 the blog might be a wee bit short on those days! Shame writing the blog doesn’t pay the bills 😆

Stay warm and safe everyone ❄️❄️❄️