I’m tired today but I guess that’s hardly surprising. It’s been sunny but pretty cold outside so I decided to sand down the kitchen worktops as I need to get the kitchen finished and it’s driving me mad.

There’s the trigger though…. I “need” to get the kitchen finished, I don’t particularly want to.

I’m at it by 9am. Don’t do anything by halves me.

Within about five minutes, my whole body is vibrating. Don’t you just love a job that you start and wish you’d never bothered.

It is in pretty bad nick so it takes a bit of work.

After about 3 hours it’s all sanded down and ready for the oil. I had to charge the sander battery 3 times during the job so to be fair, the actual sanding maybe didn’t take quite as long.

The oiling was fun. It was really quick and gave instant results.

Not sure the photos really do it much justice.

Really should have moved that orange cloth!!

So despite not really enjoying it, I am really chuffed with the outcome. It definitely needs another few coats so I’ll do one later on.

This is another one of these situations where I need to make myself be damn proud of what I’ve done. Read that sentence again… need to make myself… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

It’s been a productive Sunday morning. ♥️

Of course I had to go for a nap afterwards!! I was so cold and tired but I didn’t really sleep. It was still nice to have a rest.

I’ve started watching Downton Abbey… it still makes me laugh as I used to think I hated period dramas… I’m incredulous at the life people lived and not even that long ago…. Ironing the newspapers?!? And I think I have a hard life… eh naw!!!

So this afternoon we went to the pub next door for Caitlin and Scott’s leaving party. Caitlin lives two doors down. The daughter of Rachel two doors down 😬😘

They are heading off to Australia tomorrow morning to start a new football coaching job in Ballarat, Victoria, Australia.

We’ve known Caitlin since we moved here 6.5 years ago and she is such a lovely girl. She always has a smile for everyone. I really miss her when she’s not here.

She’s not been here a lot! She’s been out coaching football in the States on and off for years. I hardly see her when she’s home but when I do it’s always really nice to see her.

I’m so proud of her for following her dream and doing what she wants to do in life. She knows what she wants and she goes for it. I’m very envious as I wish I’d had carried on travelling when I was younger. She’s seeing so much of the world and experiencing things that so many people do not. I always say that travelling to Australia and New Zealand in 2004/5 is one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I came back and jumped back into the rat race because I thought I should.

They stood while Holly, who owns the pub, read out a fab poem she’d written for them and there were hundreds of photos taken.

I really have to rethink the horizontal stripe. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

We both felt really privileged to have been invited to share their last night with their family….. not last night ever…. At least for a good while.

Caitlin and Scott ♥️ you both have so many beautiful chapters left to write and we both wish you the most amazing journey. 🇦🇺⚽️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Stay safe everyone 🇦🇺♥️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

What a day. It’s 15.30 and I haven’t sat down but I’ve had a lovely day so far.

I had no real plans for the day today but knew I had to carry on the housework as Mum, Dad, Mawlaw and Pawlaw are coming for dinner in the pub next door. This is Mothers Day lunch #3 where finally no-one has COVID-19!

I woke at 6.18 precisely and got up and dressed around 7.30 and got the kitchen into shape which was the only room that needed doing as I was so well organised last night.

We both had money to pay into a bank so I decided I’d head to Largs after I got my nails done. There are other towns with banks closer by but you know…. Needs must when it comes to Largs.

My toes are a lovely dark lilac with a gold shimmer. Not my usual AT ALL but I really like it for a change. I’ll spare you the feet pics!

So off to Largs I go.

The tide is quite far out.

Bank of Scotland then Royal Bank of Scotland and then Indigo Eats to a lovely late breakfast. All by myself.

It’s a lovely wee cafe right on the front.

When I walked in the girl looked at me and I asked for a table… she seemed surprised…. “Oh just you is it….” 😳 now that could be enough to send a solo diner over the edge but I beamed at her “yes just me!” And I thought to myself, I’m gonna enjoy every minute of it.

I had pancakes with berry compote, maple syrup and a Soya Milk Latte…. Forgot to ask for decaf 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Beautiful.

Back to the van and a quick drive down through Largs and Fairlie to West Kilbride and to Portencross Beach. It was so lovely I needed to see the sea.

These two wee seagull guys were there most of the time!!

There’s snow on the hills on Arran. I saw it while driving to Largs and that what made me think of Portencross to see it more closely.

Loved this reflection in a deep rock pool.

The water’s so crystal clear.

When I got home I took the dogs out to this field with a bath in it 🤣🤣 they had a good run with tennis balls.

Mawlaw asked if they could stay over…… 😱

Yes sure, the bedroom’s a big of a camping dumping ground…. Ta dah!

We all went out to dinner to the Gateside Inn. I got Cookie cuddles.

We had a lovely meal and I actually passed on dessert…. Check me! I had nachos to start and Cajun chicken salad for mains.

Got a more up to date Mother’s Day selfie with mum!!

We’ve had a lovely meal. I’m shattered now, trying to rush this out. 😬

Going to go and chill now, before I fall asleep…

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Another busy day today… I woke at 5.08am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was calm though and wasn’t worrying about anything. That’s a first eh?!

It’s freezing today. The rain has finally stopped and there was a lovely sunrise until I drove 5 minutes up the road towards work.

It disappeared really quickly.

I was so pleased to see my little furry friend, Peanut, at work again today…. I have many photos….. 😁

He was much less wary today.

He came to sit under my desk at my feet first thing…. My heart melted a wee bit.

That underbite and those bottom teeth 😬♥️

We had another wee walk at lunchtime too.

The day went fast at work. I got loads done and once again I felt very calm and in control. Must be my new wee office companion. 🐶♥️

I came home and did housework which is unheard of for me on a Thursday night. I’ve got so much more energy this week. I sat down for a late dinner but it felt good to get most of the housework blitzed.

I’m very late posting the blog tonight as I had the Memorial Hall Committee meeting tonight. It was a good meeting and we talked about lots of future events. I usually can’t wait for these things to be over if I’m honest but tonight I was fine.

It’s 9pm and I’m tired now but I’m happy. I’m still smiling. I don’t have to get up at 5am tomorrow as I’m resting in time for the Fit Body Farm Hyrox event on Saturday. I’ve got my starting time now so will be very glad when it’s all over.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

This is Peanut… ♥️ he’s been The Tartan mascot for the day and has been at work with his dad but looked after by his newly found Auntie Julie. 💙

Honestly he is the sweetest little Peanut you could ever imagine.

I had to apologise for using my doggy voice all day. 😬

There has not been a peep out of him. He’s the most timid, shy wee thing.

I had big chats with him today, trying to get him out of his shell but his dad says he’s Romanian so he doesn’t speak English… well that was a waste of time then 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

This next pic is when I first met him and he was trying to understand me. 😆

“Nope…. Not getting you at all missus” he says…. 🤣🤣

He had lunch in the customer lounge and a wee rest up the couch.

It’s a hard life being the Tartan dog for the day. So much fussing.

It was so lovely to have him in. He never got in the way just sat or lay quietly all day. I took him to the wee takeaway sandwich shop at lunchtime and he had big zoomies on his extendable lead on the grass… loadsa fun!

Anyway, that was today’s excitement and the good news is he might be back tomorrow! Here’s hoping!

I had a great sleep last night and the Fit Body Farm was great again this morning. I felt amazing walking in as it was still dark but the birds were chirping so loudly, it’s lovely to hear. It felt like a good day to be alive. Check she who is having a good week!

I’m enjoying the workouts. They are hard but I’m enjoying trying to push myself even more. I’m boyed up by the words of encouragement I’m given.

I’ve just remembered that I was so knackered after todays’ workout that I went through to the shower rooms and I usually dump some stuff outside the door to save taking it all in. I actually undressed OUTSIDE the shower room.

What on earth was I thinking???? Thankfully there’s no one around, hence the reason I forget I’m not in the room, I guess…. But literally a few minutes after I realise and rush into the shower….. I hear our Coach come whistling through the back of the gym… Oh my actual god. How lucky was I? Can you imagine?!?!?!?!?

It made me chuckle as even when I feel good and think I have it under control, we can all make some stupid mistakes. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 moving on….

I am very busy at work but I’m in control. I’m not losing the plot, I know what I’m doing and I’m getting through it. I’m way calmer. I’d go so far as to say I feel very quiet inside if that makes any sense at all?

I could just sit here and breathe and I’m in my element.

I’m doing things after work rather than being so zonked I just need to sleep… and I’m sleeping a very deep sleep at nights.

What could possibly go wrong?!?

I do feel stronger, both physically and mentally.

I’m off to meet the Crochet Hookers in an hour and I may actually crochet a granny square for the first time in 3 weeks… looking forward to some good chat and chuckles 🤭

Stay safe everyone 🧶🧶🧶

I’m late today. I’ve been a busy bee all day.

I was in work early for a customer visit today and haven’t stopped all day. It’s all good. I feel under control. I’m scared to admit that because when I do things seem to go wrong. It’s nice to have a good few days.

I felt a bit anxious this morning but I was very aware of it and managed to shift it.

It has not stopped raining all day! Torrential rain, stotting down all day… hammering on the roof of our portacabin at Tartan HQ. I

When I got home I put a washing on and then went upstairs to work on the Village hall year end accounts. I spent a couple of hours finalising everything and got them submitted to our accountant.

I am pretty chuffed with that since it’s only 5th April. Last year I didn’t submit them until December….. this is how it should be! all is well with the world!

So it’s 8pm before I sat down to write the blog….

I’m listening to another good Happy Place podcast with Fearne Cotton interviewing Dr Rongan Chatterjee.

It’s such a good one, I highly recommend a listen.

He talks about how we should show compassion for others. If we disagree with someone or someone wrongs us, we should try to understand the position the other person is coming from. Understand why they think like they think, or why they have acted as they have.

I am very good at this I think! If I get angry at something I try to understand why. It belittles my anger quickly.

Now we can’t always be saints and there will be odd thing that sends us into orbit but for the most part this is how I’d like to live my life. Compassion for others.

Also to understand that we are the subject of our past, our generations and subsequently how we have been brought up. Rongan said his parents always expected more of him in exam results, if he got 90% they asked why not 91%?

This made him grow up thinking he was never good enough and had to perfect to gain their approval. Difficult to live up to.

He has recently discussed this with his mum…. Fearne cringed at that!

His parents came to the UK in 1962 when the UK asked for Indian doctors to support the workload here. His father worked a day job and another night job for 30 years. THIRTY YEARS with virtually no sleep, how is that even possible?

His mum said that they believed success was the most important factor in life and would ultimately bring them happiness.

However… she never saw her husband. The children never saw their dad but he was very successful and provided for them and gave them a better life than they may have had in India. His parents only wanted Rongan to succeed and be successful in life so pushed him to excel. With only the very best of intentions.

The two separate perspectives make complete sense when you actually take time to think about them.

Powerful. Rongan does his own podcast too so I might give that a listen again.

Love this next one… this is sooo me now!

Also this…. I’ve made so many internet friendships in the last few years. So many people that have played a huge part in my recovery… and I have never met them.

We have connected because of our personalities and that’s very important to me. ♥️

It’s still raining….. ☔️☔️☔️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I can’t believe that with all the COVID-19 drama over the last few weeks that I have missed the chance to celebrate my two year blogging anniversary!

We could say it’s my Blogiversary!! Yeah ok… no… just no… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I never for one minute believed I would still be here, writing every day, give or take, for two years. What started as an exciting experiment has become a huge part of my life… an integral part of my healing journey.

By the time I started we were 8 days into Lockdown in Scotland in 2020. I had just been made redundant 3 weeks before all the craziness began and instead of worrying about where the next job would come from, we were all in the same boat, worrying about some random deadly virus that had taken hold of our world.

I had been home sick for a year on and off before then…. Suffering from anxiety and depression. Yet the rest of the world joined me in my new stay at home lifestyle.

In a way, lockdown was very good for me. As awful as it was for so many other people, I needed that extra time to recover. I had peeled back all my layers like a bad onion. (Not sure that’s the analogy I was reaching for?!)

I was a shadow of my former self… and yet… I was closer to the real me than I had been in a very long time.

I had become what everyone wanted me to be or what I thought they expected me to be. I had so many different masks that I wore so that I could hide what was breaking inside of me. I was set on self destruction but I didn’t even know it. I didn’t know how to be.

I put everyone first. Everyone was more important than me. I said yes to everyone. Didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I set about making everyone’s day better, to the detriment to my own.

Gradually I broke up. Fell apart. Couldn’t keep up the charade anymore. The effort it took to be everything to everyone was finally overwhelming. The tears brimmed almost all the time as more often than not, began to fall in the most awkward of moments.

I couldn’t do it anymore.

As lockdown started I should have been getting ready to head back into the world so I made a huge decision to volunteer with food deliveries to the local elderly. Even that was difficult for me.

In retrospect… I have been so lucky to have had the chance to build myself back up gradually. Through this blog I’ve been able to understand my thoughts, feelings and emotions through every step of the last two years.

I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to become so aware of the world around me. To have become aware of nature. Of calm and of stillness. I am able to sit in silence and be completely content with that.

I am aware of energy around me. My gut is NEVER wrong. I am empathetic of others and rather than get angry when someone upsets me or wrongs me, I try to think about why they may be as they are.

Most of all I love sharing my photos with you all. I love sharing the beauty that I see and I hope that one day I’m able to travel and show you more.

I should say today has been another good day and long may that continue.

So thank you to everyone who reads my blog. I do this for me but you all make it so much more worthwhile. It’s important to talk about mental health. If my blog helps at least one other person realise that it’s ok to not be ok, then it’s worth every hour spent on it.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Oor Craigie is finally COVID free! He tested negative for a second time so is good to go. Of course that doesn’t mean he’s immediately better, he’s been more breathless today.

I’m finally feeling better, like the cold has finally gone… as I type that, I cough! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 but I do feel a lot less bunged up.

I’ve had another productive day today. I had some anxiety about work again when I woke up but it went quickly when I got moving.

I sat outside this morning and Brasso’d all the kitchen cupboard and drawer handles. I love that I made that into a verb! Brasso’d!

Now I should say here that it was nowhere near as much fun as I expected it to be. It would appear that Brasso is great for polishing and not for removing years of built up dirt and lacquer.

I get very frustrated at that as I need it to be immediate. I want to to put all the handles back on right now… I don’t want to find other ways of cleaning them. I want the Brasso to work. Now. (Story of my life this eh?!)

So I turn a blind eye to them and get them fitted back on. They do look a damn sight better than they did. My hands are like sand paper today despite wearing rubber gloves.

The kitchen is still not finished but it’s so much better than it was. Another day or work or so but that can wait.

I had a shower and ended up cleaning the bathroom, as you do.

I then went down to the Co-op to get some food for the week. Check me.

I’m watching the new series of Bridgerton as I write this. For someone who doesn’t like period drama, I sure do love Bridgerton.

So this weekend has been really good. I’ve not wanted to go out at all and have been happy staying at home and getting things done. It hasn’t really felt like a chore…. Except for the Brasso obviously!

I haven’t felt anxious like I usually do at weekends, trying to fill my days with a huge list of tasks. I’ve taken each moment at a time and it feels like it’s been a really long weekend. In a good way. I feel refreshed and relaxed.

My diet is still lazy and pretty shocking but I’ve done 3 food shops in the last few days and it’s not been the end of the world…. I have survived. 😆

Who knows… maybe this week I might actually cook some of it…. Maybe.

This is our Sunday almost evening reminder that we can handle everything this week throws at us. I hope for a lot more calm as I love feeling like this and long may it continue.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Let’s not speak too soon but I think I might be finally finished painting the kitchen cupboards.

It’s like painting the Forth Rail Bridge… it just seems to go for ever and you no sooner finish one end than you have to start again at the other end.

No seriously, I think the cupboards are all done. There are no photos as the place is still a mess and we need to sand the wooden surfaces and put all the handles back on the doors and drawers. Hopefully though, the most difficult part is done.

I have my feet up outside on my new bench…. Don’t think I took any photos when we got it.

Phew that took a bit of orchestrating but it was worth it! I’m holding a giant bone to get them to sit like this 🤣

I managed to break the old bench last week when I was working from home…. A slat broke underneath me 🤦🏻‍♀️

So this one is highly recommended. It came from Robert Dyas on line and was only £147 delivered. It’s pretty chunky so I’m really impressed with it.

I’m sitting on it now in the sunshine and I’ve just spent the last 5 minutes trying to get a photo of a bee 🐝 on the plant next to me.

I managed to get it hovering above the flower. My mum will laugh at this as I’ve always been terrified of bees and wasps since I was stung around the age of 4. Just the sound of a buzz was enough to send me running. Oh how things have changed.

The weather has been a game of two halves today. When the sun is out it almost feels hot. The minute it goes behind a cloud…. Freezing!

Every now and then I have to share my bench!

And she is very, very hairy right now. We’re back to moulting season again.

So I had two dog walks this morning… started off sunny and ended up freezing!

Lovely sunshine like yesterday!

Out with Calaidh and Bhruic as Freya has a sore leg and needs to rest. She’s limping quite badly and has been for a few days now.

They had lots of fun in the burn again.

Keek!

Then the clouds started to move in.

This next photo is taken in the same place as the first sunny photo. What a difference our weather makes.

I got home and took Freya out for a short walk on the lead. These daffies looked lovely.

Come on mum we can walk faster than this she says….

It’s no fun when I can’t get a run off the lead…

So the rest of the day has been spent painting. I am now covered in paint and dog hair. Attractive much.

So in other good news Mr A tested negative today! He told me it was positive first thing and then checked again a while later and it was actually negative. So finally things will return to normal.

In other good news this is the first weekend in a long time that I feel calm. I don’t feel anxious at all.

I did wake up worrying about work but that passed when I got up.

I’ve put no expectations on myself this weekend. Anything I did that wasn’t nothing was a bonus. Finishing the kitchen was a huge bonus!!

So another quiet night for us. Last night in covid jail for oor Craigie but to be fair it’s always a quiet night these days.

Just how I like it!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

This is another one of those days you don’t need to read the blog as it’s all in the title. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

It’s another freezing cold day and I slept like a log last night. When the alarm went off I got a fright and I was not ready to get up at all…. I could do easily have turned over…. But I didn’t. I got up, the house was freezing but nothing prepared me for the icy blast outside. Wow.

We actually exercised out in that! I lay down on the frosty astroturf at 6.10am this morning when most folk were still in bed. The funny thing is I felt very lucky to be a part of it this morning rather than annoyed I was having to.

As the sun rose it really was beautiful.

So many power lines in my photos… 🤦🏻‍♀️

We get to workout in the loveliest of surroundings and before we even have time to think about it. I worked hard this morning, got some great feedback too.

We have another Hyrox event next weekend so hope I have done enough to improve my times.

So back home and straight out with the dogs…. Some really strange clouds over the village hall!

More importantly I have forgotten to discuss this during my rambling….. what the actual is this all about?!?

It would appear we are now living in an Avian Influenza Protection Zone. 😳

I MEAN… WHAT NEXT?

Zombie apocalypse? Alien invasion?

I guess I should be grateful we are in the zone and not outside it… I mean those poor people who live outside the red road sign I’ve been driving past every night… are they not protected?!?!? Do they even need protecting?! Are they actually the lucky ones???

Anyway, back to the glorious dog walk in the freezing sun.

The sky is beautiful 🤩

I’ve had lots of lovely comments on my daffodil photos so I’ve taken lots this morning just to show how abundant they are.

They are all growing wild but must have been planted by someone at some point.

These ones all look a bit sad as they’ve been caught by the frost.

More power lines in this next one too….

We went into a field that had been muck sprayed the other day but it’s all frozen in. Frozen muck = no muck!! Spot the two white tails in the water.

The dogs had a great play about in the burn.

It’s so still.

Love the rainbow on this next one.

Heading back home now under said power lines 😆

Lots of white daffies here.

Bearing in mind it’s now only 8.45am 🤣🤣

I have a massage booked for 10am at Harmony in Beith. I popped into next door to check on their beautiful puss cats as they are getting some work done and the cats were feeling a bit unsettled. Just look at these handsome boys.

I love that they both looked away for this photo…. Shun the photographer!!

I got the wee one actually eating out of my hand!

So my massage was amazing. Back, neck and shoulders…. Bliss. I could have slept on the treatment bed! Norma worked wonders! I then popped into the little gift shop for a chat with my friend Gayle. Was lovely to see her too!

Covid boy had sent me a shopping list so off to the Co-op to stock up and finally back home. He’s still positive and feeling rotten.

Then….. poop scoop in the garden and hoovered the ground floor of the house. And then finally sat down. It’s 2pm! We sat outside at the fire pit for a bit but it got cold again so came in to watch a movie….. AND fell asleep on the couch for 2 hours!!!

Check this size of this fire!

So I’m still feeling pretty rotten too. The cold is just not shifting but I’m still working out at the gym because I want to help improve my mood. Without it I’d just be sleeping and eating. 😬

Hope you all have a great weekend and Covid boy is hoping for a negative soon. 🎞

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️