I could not have predicted I would have such a good day today.
I went to bed ridiculously early last night… when meant I woke at 12.45 and was awake until at least 4am. For those of you who don’t sleep well that’s maybe nothing…. But I don’t know how you do it. Those wee sma’ hours on the morning seem fairly hopeless and it took ages for me to fall back over. I did though until about 7.30am. Thankfully.
I’d been a real grouch last night and this morning I realised it was that time of the month again and the relief was immense… at least that justifies some “off” time.
I sat in Gran’s chair and crocheted while Craig slept and the puppers were stunning themselves in the early morning rays. It’s been so long since we’ve seen sunshine if felt like a welcome relief.
So we decided to spend the day on Abbie the camper van, getting her ready for holiday on Friday.
I was gonna name the blog “way less steps than yesterday” and I was surprised to see that despite what I thought of as a sedentary day I’ve still done 11,852 steps today. It’s also 8.15pm already so there won’t be many more.
So while we were working I for Evan…. Hoovering, cleaning, unpacking, repacking…. The village hall car park was being relayed.
The before doesn’t do the undulating mountainous terrain any justice. It really was pretty bumpy getting in and out.
Looks amazing…. Our local Finco Contracts did this for free. Not sure we can ever thank them enough!
Had lovely chats with everyone during the day as they carried out the work… I even did some camper van sales pitch!!
So I have one question for you all…. When you have mud on a floor or a vinyl seat cushion…. How do you wash it out? Tried scrubbing with soapy water and it looks amazing…. Until it dries and the mud is still there?! That’s the only negative to today. At least I know everything is clean there are just a few dry muddy marks that won’t clean off. 🤦🏻♀️
We carried on until after 3pm and came round and sat out the back as the sun had reappeared. Claire had also leant me a sun lounger, very timely I may add so I sat on it for almost 4 hours and crocheted!!
Craig’s sister and nephew popped in to see us and we had a lovely few hours while Max weeded the veggie patches and the three of us chatted….. child labour… shocking! Turns out he loves weeding and turns out we have a lot of weed that needing weeding 🥴🤣
Here sits lady muck while Lisa and Craig survey Max’s handiwork!
It was a lovely relaxing afternoon and I’ve had a really good day.
I didn’t put out a blog yesterday…. and the world didn’t stop turning.
I had less than nothing to say. I honestly couldn’t even do the… wake up, went to work blog again. It bores me writing it let alone you guys having to read it.
So…. I’ve said this before but I’m going to make a pact with myself. If I have nothing to say then I’m not going to write a blog that day as this needs to be tool that helps my mental health and doesn’t add to the list of things that need doing. If there’s no blog in a day, I’m all good, just my day has been uneventful.
I should say I’ve been good this week. I’ve not been anxious at all really and it’s good I have nothing to have to work through.
Today I have loads to say as it’s 13.16pm and I’ve already done 23,245 steps!!
The weather has been crazy for May in Scotland. Its very wet, cold and windy. I’ve taken some pics on the way to and home from the Farm to show the crazy clouds. There was a lovely rainbow during the class too.
The Fit Body Farm was a killer this morning. We’ve been doing a fairly new thing called DecaFit these last few Fridays. There is a whole lot of running and it’s really just not my thang. 🥴
This morning we worked out 5 stations for 3 mins with a 500m run in between each station. I think I only managed the 500m twice and the rest were closer to 350/400m. It’s non stop without and break…. though hitting the station targets before the 3mins is up does give you a minute of a breather.
So, not my favourite day at the Farm but I still did almost all of it and I know the running will come the more I work at it.
It was sunny when we finished but still windy and cold.
I went straight into the shower when I got home as I couldn’t get a heat!
I had to have Abbie the Camper van at the garage for her MOT this morning, so I drove down to Glengarnock with Calaidh and Freya so I could walk back up.
Back home and crawled into bed for a wee half hour…. then back out this time with Bhruic.
Craig was working in Ayr so I thought I’d go with him and walk her down on the beach. He dropped us in Prestwick as I’d never been down to that beach as far as I could remember.
It was wild!!! Sooooo windy and the sea was whipping up and splashing over the sea wall. I have so many photos.
I’m not sure they do it justice, it was really wild.
Then in the middle of it all, I spotted this.
The sun comes out but it doesn’t heat up much….. though it does look a lot prettier!
I was fine for the first hour but after that I was just walking round in circles, praying Craig would hurry up. We sat on a bench for a bit but I think that just made me colder!
He phoned to say he was 6 minutes away! 😘😘😘 of course then the sun came out and the sea calmed down a fair bit.
It was soooo good to see him driving towards us…. I got the heated seats on and defrosted.
Back home to hang washing and made a lovely sharing snack late lunch/early dinner.
We had it with Nozeco (alcohol free sparkling).
It was really lovely and now…. I could sleep for Scotland.
It’s 16.18 and I’m now up at 24,951 steps and still waiting to hear if Abbie passed her MOT!!
She did not pass…..She failed for all brake disks, a top engine mount and a white indicator light….. a mere £374.
Anyway, all fixed now. I just put £133 of diesel in her the other day…. That better do her for now. She’s had enough!
Anyway it’s been a good day. I’m feet up on the couch now. Planning only steps to the bathroom 😆
I slept like a log last night… I didn’t want the night to end. Naturally… it meant my holiday was over.
Until the next one that is… 11 more sleeps!!!
The most exciting thing today was Peanut the whizz kid was back in the office.
I took him out for a walk at lunchtime.
Check the savage dog rolling in the freshly cut grass!!
He had lotsa fun.
I love the bum shake I get when he sees me in the morning now. He has the bum shake, not me… obviously.
He finally settled under my desk at my feet. I think that’s acceptance. ♥️
I love this next one…. ‘Scuse the French!
You all know I don’t have it figured out yet… But after everything next big thing I’m that happens I am back on it tomorrow…
His next one sums me up completely.
I have spent my life paying the terribly high price for people pleasing… I’ve worked hard at it and hard trying to stop people pleasing. It still catches me unawares and I still find myself saying things I don’t mean…. Just to make someone else happy. I hear myself. At least I can laugh at it.
I also love this…..
The biggest takeaway from my blog is that it’s ok not to be ok and it’s not weak to ask for help. There is always someone who will want to listen. Remember that.
I’ve actually had a really good day today. I just wanted to say all that for some reason.
It’s been a much drier day today thankfully. I woke at 4.32am to the loudly chirping birdies of Braithwaite Village…. And no rain!
I’d had a lovely caravan dinner with mum and dad last night. We had my brothers homemade soda bread with cheese and pickles and grapes. We then went for a lovely walk round the village before I headed back to the van at 8.30pm!
So I dozed until 7.32 when I got rudely awakened by my electrical control unit in the van, beeping incessantly at me and switching off…. I have suffered from too little power in the past and now it would seem I have too much power…. Can’t win huh?!
It did it a good few times yesterday but I was awake so ignored it…. Not so much this morning!
The facilities in this campsite are amazing. Despite the site being full, I’ve never seen more than 3 people in the toilet block at any one time and the showers are amazing. So a nice leisurely shower then met up with mum and dad to follow them back into Keswick. I am finally getting my boat trip on Derwent Water!!
It’s really lovely this morning after all of yesterdays rain.
We boarded a 50 minute cruise on the Derwent Water. You can get off at various stops if you have the time. We just went right round.
This is my happy boat trip face! 😆
Zoom in to the sign on the top right window…. Dad said that’s what the ducks are queuing for 🤦🏻♀️🤣🤣🤣
We went to the Lakeside Cafe for brunch and I had a lovely Oat Milk DECAF latte… only remembered because mum asked for decaf first….. 🤔😬 and Chimichurri Mushrooms on Soda Bread with rocket. It was lovely.
Sadly there is a chance I may still be tasting said Chimichurri tomorrow and the next day…. It’s very garlicky and very unforgiving… 😷
Then it was time for me to leave and head back up the road. I had a great run. Left at 11.45 and was home by 2.15 without any stops at all.
Immediately after I passed over the border into Scotland, the heavens opened… it was comical. Literally like, woo hoo Scotland! RAIN!!!! To be fair it stopped pretty quickly.
So home for 2.15 and have unpacked and washed everything already. I love getting the van all cleaned out otherwise I’d not do it for ages.
Of course it was great to see Craig and the puppers and have some more of my sister in laws lovely 50th anniversary cake!
We’ve had a lovely weekend celebrating with mum and dad. I’ve left them there for a few more days and I was a weeeeee teeeeensy bit jealous.
Ok let’s start with yesterday or even Friday night…. The van all ready for bed.
I’m super cosy in my bed with my new blanket.
I could not get to sleep at all…… i was wired to the moon, it was 1.08am the last time I looked at the clock.
I’ve been waking at 6am and can’t get back to sleep at all. Which isn’t the best when I’ve been late to bed so I’m a bit groggy all day… and a teensy little bit grouchy. 🥴🤔😬🤭
We met for breakfast in my brothers chalet and they put on a magnificent spread.
I do realise that’s just the empty plates and bowls 🙄
The chalet is lovely…
So we went into Keswick for the Mountain Festival, caught the bus as the traffic was likely to be crazy in Keswick and spent the morning walking around the festival site on the shores of Derwent Water.
This was a HUGE trip down memory lane as this is one of “my buses”… it was built at a time when I worked for the manufacturer and I managed the Stagecoach contract. I found myself remembering all the names of all the colours etc. 🤦🏻♀️🙄🤣
There were loads of activities for kids…. Someone was happy ⚖️🤣
There were lots of fell races starting.
This one in particular caught my eye… a 1500m swim around Derwent Island. Look at all the wee bodies in the water!!
And the finish line…
It started to rain quite heavily by now so we took a walk into the town for a wander round the shops and a coffee shop stop. This is Keswick in bloom.
Keswick is a lovely wee town with lots of amazing outdoor shops. It has quaint, narrow streets.
There are, however, a lot of people.
There’s a market on in the town too.
As you know, we came home and I went for the best nap…. And missed a whole of of sunshine.
We were booked for dinner at the Lyzzick Hall Hotel for 6.30pm. It was a beautiful evening.
Lyzzick Hall was out of this world.
The views over to Cats Bells … the hill in the distance.
The wisteria on the side of the building is stunning.
Me, Mum, my wee Bro and Dad before dinner.
The hotel is beautiful and very tastefully decorated.
A selection of the meals…. The food was honestly exquisite. Could not fault it.
But you know something… it was the staff that really made it. Their attention was polite, witty and funny without being intrusive. They made the whole experience a real pleasure and I would highly recommend anyone to visit.
Going to have to put out a quickie today as we’re just having pre dinner drinks before we head out for Mum and Dads 50th anniversary dinner… still sadly minus Craig who’s stuck home with the dogs. Miss you Craigie. ♥️
We’ve had a lovely day wandering around Keswick and then back to the van for the best nap! I could have written the blog but I chose to nap… priorities huh 🤔
The sun was scorching when I woke up and the van was super cosy.
This is the view from my brothers chalet now. It’s a lovely evening.
I slept like a log last night, two nights of no sleep finally took its toll. I was in bed from 8 and slept until 4.45am!
Up for the Farm this morning and it was super hard work but good for the head.
I got home, packed up Abbie the Camper van and drove down to the Lake District and was here for 1.30pm.
We went straight out into Keswick to a really fancy supermarket that I LOVED!! Booths. It’s a very lovely shop. We got some supplies and went for coffee, I had a scone with cream and jam and and an oat milk latte! I could not believe the number of bananas!!!!
We then headed down to Derwent Water for a wander round. There’s light rain on and off but it’s very atmospheric.
My sis in law made this amazing cake!!!
Happy Golden Wedding Anniversary Mum and Dad! Lots of love ♥️ and Craigie we miss you lots ♥️
It’s 7.49pm and I haven’t stopped all day. I know that’s not unusual for most people but I didn’t get to bed until 11.30pm last night. On a school night!!
Rangers very sadly lost in the last second of the game last night in penalties. It was devastating after such a tense game. Hence the 11.30pm bed.
I woke at 3am and couldn’t sleep because Snorey McSnorerson was in action… my head’s been spinning for a couple of days now so I lay getting angry. Not…. at the snoring but at my thoughts…. so I stormed into the living room and tried to sleep on the couch. That didn’t go well but I did eventually make it to 6.30am but by then I was exhausted.
A people pleaser cannot please all of the people all of the time. A people pleaser can only do what she thinks is right and try to please herself. A people pleaser not pleasing everyone all of the time is in constant turmoil. Trying to live a normal everyday life. The fake smile never more evident.
I have had to fight so very hard all day.
We’ve actually had a fantastic day at work. We handed over so many customer vans today…. five in one day!! And you know what… I did all of that despite being shattered and feeling rotten.
We had a living room full last night and I got my hair in French pleats… that’s what the girls were doing while the boys were focused on the game!
I’ve spent the day telling everyone I had the hairdo of a 5 year old 🤣🤣🤣
I need to believe in myself more. I still allow outside influences to shake my core. I use them as a excuse to prove I’m still not quite there yet.
Writing a daily blog becomes difficult when these outside influences are things that can’t be written about. They are not my story to tell… but I soak them up like a sponge.
Claire and I went a walk with Calaidh when I got home and we put the world to rights.
I have to say that I chose to sit on the bloody cactus all day.
I found criticism even in the things that went well and that needs to change.
Tomorrow is a new day. I’m in bed and the electric blanket’s on. I still have my 5 year old pleats. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣 and I feel so much better for writing this down.
I have 4 days off work now and I’m heading down to the Lake District to celebrate a very special occasion with Mum and Dad and my brother, sis in law and nephew. Poor Craig has to stay home with the dogs but that’s just one of those things that happens. It can’t be helped but I’ll miss him… and I know he’ll miss me 🤣🤣🤣 that goes without saying…. Who am I kidding?!? We all know the poor boy has peace for 4 days….. 🥴🤣
I guess not every day can be plain sailing and you learn from every experience you go through.
It’s the football Europa League Final tonight and I am surrounded by some very proud Rangers fans. They are playing Eintracht Frankfurt, in Seville, after an amazing journey through the league. It’s stuff that dreams are made of.
I’ve just seen two Rangers tops walk past the front window as I write this! It’s everywhere.
So I’ve decided, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em so I’m going to watch the game tonight. It’s impossible not to get caught up in the excitement!
Craig came home from work, did a food shopping, cleaned the house, walked the dogs…. What’s not to love?! 🤭😆
I woke up at 3am this morning and couldn’t stop thinking… overthinking. I finally got back to sleep but then felt drugged when Craig’s alarm went off at 4.45am.
The Farm was really hard this morning! Lots of arm work. We were knackered after the class and sooooo got and sweaty.
I get into the shower. Wash hair. Shower.
Honestly…… I couldn’t believe it.
The morale of that story is when your gym bag feels light… it is light for a reason. I did a mental “clothes for work” scan… yup all there but the bag was light so something was missing!
I had to dry myself with my sweaty gym gear…. 🤦🏻♀️
Work went really quickly but I got loads done so all good.
So nothing else for it but to settle down with some pizza, alcohol free beers and some good friends and see how this goes down.
I soooo hope that they win. It would be pretty special.
Such a dull, dark, dreich day. It’s been dark since 5am… well obviously it was dark all night but you know…… 😆
There was a lunar eclipse last night.
Yup I missed it. 🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🤦🏻♀️
To be fair it poured with rain all night and…. I was also asleep. It has rained almost all day. Super heavy at times.
I was very interested in this… strange feelings may arise….. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🙄😬🤣
I’ve felt so much better today. Only felt a bit dizzy at the Fit Body Farm this morning and that was totally understandable…. given the fact I was having to wheech myself up and down off the ground at a rate of knots!
It was hard this morning but I enjoyed it.
I honestly feel so much better now that I’m back. It was really hard getting up at 5am. I could have cried and felt really sorry for myself. Once I’m out the door it’s fine.
My head has been so much better today. I’ve had healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner! All prepared in advance. I actually smiled to myself as I served up dinner.
I dislike stir fry as much as I dislike period drama…. 🤦🏻♀️🤣🤣 I’m really enjoying this exploration of my likes and dislikes. Still not a huge fan of stir fry but it was tasty. Love that Bhruic and Freya were so excited by it.
I was super nervous this morning and yet it passed really quickly… I’m sure working out helps my mental health way more than I even thought possible. I’ve felt calm and in control of my emotions today. It’s such a relief after feeling so out of sorts yesterday.
I love this next one. 💜
And this….. just sums up my life!!
And I am more than happy to be Kermit the Frog 🐸
I’m finishing this with a big smile. Kermit the Frog… bring it on.
Day 777 and that’s the best title I can come up with?!?!
My day started early and I sat out on the garden with the dogs for a bit… this is how my morning rolled.
There was a cool wind so I came back inside and put a Downton Abbey on, just to keep quiet until Craig got up. 🤭😬🤣
Claire messaged to see if I fancied a trip to Silverburn Shopping Centre as she knew I was heading to Braehead this morning to take some clothes back. Silverburn had the same shops so that sounded good to me.
I have this thing that I have to be there for shops opening. Not sure why I have that rule in my life but I do. If I don’t go first thing and be there before everyone else then there’s no point in going. If it gets busy then I was there first? 🤦🏻♀️🤣 I subjected Claire to that rule this morning.
We had a lovely wander around and I took some clothes back and Claire got some amazing bargains. A successful trip all round.
We stopped for coffee in Starbucks and I had the most lovely piece of Pistachio loaf with raspberry icing and a Coconut decaf latte (of course the decaf was thanks to Claire as I always forget to ask for it!)
I’ve honestly not felt right since. I assumed at first they’d given me caffeine. I had a few head spinning dizzy spells towards the end of our time at the shops. I did actually say spizzy dells in my head when I was writing that and couldn’t figure out how to spell it… then corrected myself 🤣🤣🤣 I was scared I might fall over but they passed pretty quickly.
Something doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel Sick just occasionally my head is swimming.
I like the sound of this next one…
When we got home I lay down for an hour but couldn’t sleep. At least I rested.
I spent a bit of time up in the spare room separating out clothes and stuff for charity. I just don’t feel quite right. Uneasy, out of sorts.
I’m actually not irritated but I don’t quite know what to do with myself or where to put myself.
It must the 2 day weekend…. 🤷🏻♀️😆🤣🤣
I’ve had a lazy rest of day…. There’s a chance I think I have finished Downton Abbey!!! What will I do with the rest of my life 🙄😬
We cooked roast chicken, potatoes and veg for dinner. Just how Sundays should be.
I went to bed a slovenly, junk shovelling slob and woke up ready for action…. to take on the day and have taken back control of my fitness and healthy eating. Who knew that was gonna happen?!?
I have no idea what triggered this overnight, or, indeed, how long it may last. 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve said so often that I seem to be better at things when I sneak up on them, surprise myself, rather than actually planning it.
I woke up at 6.30 something, went to the loo and back to bed and started thinking that there was a Saturday class at the Fit Body Farm that I could go to… I had no intentions of going…. I’d read a FB post last night where someone said they’d really enjoyed it yesterday and I knew it would be the same session.
I lay there and thought for 20 minutes.
I said the words to Craig… “I can’t believe I’m even saying this out loud but I’m thinking I could maybe have gone to the Farm this morning”. As soon as I said it I regretted it. As he said go, go, go, I cuddled into the covers and thought no way!!
But the seed was planted. At 6.50am I jumped out of bed to get ready. My plan was to hit the supermarket on the way back to get some food in too. 🥴😬
So yesterday’s carb fest seems to have been the last straw of my stuffing-my-face week.
It’s a lovely, watery looking sun but a quiet start to the weekend.
I am taking back control.
Now I’m not gonna lie, that was very hard work this morning, the first day back is always the worst…. But I did it and I can honestly say I’ve felt amazing as a result. (I say that lying on a bench in the garden thinking that I probably need a nap but it’s a different kind of tiredness. It’s not the lethargic feeling I’ve had this week, it’s a genuine tiredness because I did so much, so early).
I went straight from the Farm, very sweaty… to Aldi for a food shop and bought loads of healthy food. I felt like I was on a roll.
Came home and cleared out the fridge to put it all away… always hate that bit but needs must 🤦🏻♀️🤣 and then I made a raspberry smoothie for breakfast. I mean, I’m impressed even if no-one else is.
Not gonna give you the recipe 🤣🤣 it was “ok”… did the job but tasted like a smoothie made without following a recipe.
Then I took the puppers out for a walk.
It’s a lovely morning after all the rain we’ve been having but it feels like everything has grown so much since I last walked round here. Even the drive to the gym has sprouted greenery over the last week.
I’ve never noticed this ancient gate before.
Back home and had my shower, washed and dried my hair and got a wee table set up in the back garden so I could work on stitching together my crochet blanket!!! I look like an old wummin ootside wi’ ma knitting’ 🤦🏻♀️🤣 (Scottish accent necessary!)
I made a lovely salad lunch! Check me.
At 2.17pm precisely I cut the last end of wool! It’s finished!!
Hallelujah! I think this has been on the go for years. 😆 It’s in the washing machine now so I can square it all up to dry it.
Now what to start next??? I have been wondering aimlessly for the last hour and a half not sure what to do with myself. I’ve hung up a washing but thinking I might go find some other wool to start crocheting something else. I do have plenty of wool to be getting on with. 🤭
I decided to make an early dinner instead… Prawn Pad Thai…. Forgot photos as it was so tasty. Followed by a wee Limoncello dessert. Ooooh I can taste the booze.
I haven’t cooked a single meal for over a week and here I am with 3 today.
I’m heading into Claire’s for a Nosecco and munchies evening…. Which sounds just lovely to me!
A bubbling cauldron of molten lava is ready to spew. Could I be any more dramatic?!?
It’s Friday 13th today and for those of you who are superstitious, I found this rather lovely way of looking at it.
And also this…. Which did make me laugh!
I feel incredibly overwhelmed today. I am overthinking and worrying about things that haven’t even happened. Purely because things don’t seem to be going as smoothly as Little Miss Perfection Pants would like.
Now I know that there’s a chance a lot of this is down to my lack of exercise and very poor diet. A roll with egg and tattie scone for breakfast, chips and curry sauce for lunch and the odd cake thrown in along the way… I could just be buzzing with too many carbs.
I experienced a huge after lunch crash. My teeth feel like they are bleeding sugar, my body has blown up into my clothes and yet my mind is still racing around a 100 miles an hour.
It’s very, very loud inside my head.
I tried writing some of my worries down. it’s one of the techniques they advise and it does help.
It’s this simple. We are very lucky to be very busy at work and I’m all over the place trying to determine what we do for the best. It’s not even my sole decision but I’m just going to fill my head with worry.
Worry is such a waste of time.
I know that it’s only because I care.
I’m home now and we’re having a movie night tonight so I’m in my comfies all ready for a relaxing weekend.
Of course the anxiety has all gone now.
And this time last week we had just freed Abbie the Camper van from her mud pit so today has been way less stressful on the grand scheme of things 🤦🏻♀️😳😆
Let’s just put it down to being one of those days.
I have no words of wisdom tonight. I’m tired. I woke really early and just lay and dozed until the alarm.
It was a busy day at work and I came straight home and got stuck into the housework. It had been neglected after our weekend away.
I did a quick run round and the house feels much better.
I just had Mini Cheddars and cheese for dinner… I know…. I’m still just self indulging. 🤣🤣 other call it being lazy!
I have to work tomorrow as we have a customer in and there as no one to cover. You know I hate a 5 day week but I need Friday and Monday next week for a weekend away. At least this gets my 2 day weekend out the way….. listen to me. I used to work 10-12 hour days and now I’m tired at the thought of a 5 day week. Funny how you change your mindset.
At least I have a 4 day weekend to look forward to next week!
That’s all from me! The washing’s ready to be hung up. Housework Thursday could become a thing. 😆
I woke up at 23.37 last night and worried I’d be awake all night… not so… up at 6.30am with the alarm.
I’m punishing myself a bit by not going to the Farm. My knee has been sore and I feel a bit down so I can’t be bothered making the effort. i can’t be bothered shopping, eating and looking after myself.
I know exactly why all of this is happening and that it’s a vicious circle. I feel more lethargic as a result of my bad diet but my bad diet helps me feel better at the time and cheers me up…. I think feel more lethargic after the sugar rush crashes.
I need to allow myself to rest and it’s ok to stuff my face sometimes but I wish I had a bit more willpower.
Anyway.. I was all over the place this morning at work. Very anxious. Overreacting to everything.
I’m bothered by something at work. I feel I could have done something better and I experience intense guilt at anything like that. Irritated by what’s gone wrong and think of a million things that might have presents a different outcome. I should say this is far from the end of the world but I realised mid morning that it was eating away at me.
It created an irritability, a panic that was bubbling over into everything else. The work I was trying to do today got the brunt of it. I didn’t trust my instincts and mistrusted any answer I gave.
As soon as I realised what was causing it, I relaxed.
I had a lovely lunch in the van but this time with my feet up!
The afternoon went much more smoothly. Jeez I can be hard work at times and today was one of these days.
My knee has been a million times better today so maybe it’s on the mend.
I went to bed after 5 when I got home as I was so tired. I got the electric blanket on and cooried in…. With 3 (bloody) Border Collies…. Who’s ears pricked up at every sound… but I must have conked out! Mum called and we had a good chat and she told me it was 6.50pm…. 10 minutes to crochet!!!!
I jumped out of bed, shoved clothes on and picked up my phone… only to find it was cancelled. I must have slept through that 😆🤣😘
So, with encouragement from the crochet girls, I’ve decided it’s ok to be self indulgent.
So cheese and biscuits it is… and Downton… yeah maybe some Downton… again.
It’s been pouring the last few days…. Saw this on FB yesterday.
Good old Billy Connolly 🤣
I’ve not been feeling the best these last few days but it’s no worse than just the following…
I’m attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest when he’s on fire… 🤣🤣 that made me laugh out loud! It’s not that bad but you get the picture.
I’ve had stomach cramps for the last two days and I am eating us out of house and home. I am blowing up before my very eyes!
We had Peanut back into work today! Made my day.
I was super busy though and hardly had any time to take photos. That said I am there to work and not take photos… 🤦🏻♀️🤣
I also had a very old friend pop in for lunch today as she was visiting a shop on the same industrial estate! We had lunch in the van.
We were very windswept as we rushed a photo after lunch and I had a customer just arrive.
I mentioned yesterday about my first boss…. I spent my life trying to please them as they often got angry with me for making mistakes and turned all eyes towards me in company meetings, dropping me in it from a great height.
We had a manual purchasing process where I had to count the parts we had in stock to start. Then had to look at the production plan to see what models we were building, to determine which parts were used in which models to therefore define how many were required…. To take that from the quantity in stock and determine what to order… from Japan… without stopping production. 😳
What chance did we have.
My boss was very quick to lay blame at my door, to pass the buck in meetings and I’m ashamed to say that when I was given the Senior Buyer job, I brought in Gillian and treated her in exactly the same way I had been treated. I made her life a misery as mine had been.
She ultimately left and got a new job and we got back in touch years later when we talked all about this and I apologised for everything.
I went to visit her for lunch a few years back, it must have been before Christmas, as I took a Poinsettia as a gift.
She sends me photos of it all year round as it’s lasted more than any other poinsettia she’s ever bought. I must have had about 6 since then and they’re all long gone.
The one I bought her is on the left!
I will always carry the hurt I caused her. Yet she forgave that.
Was so lovely to catch up even if only for half an hour.
So that’s my day today. It was a very busy one but good. I’m tired and lazy so curled up on the couch watching Downton Abbey…. I still can’t get over the fact that I love a good period drama. 🤷🏻♀️🤣
The whole point of my blog was to let people see that you can appear like you have it all, but things might not always be as they appear.
I have always been a very bubbly, happy person. I was always there to help others, to make other people feel happy and feel good about themselves but unbeknown to me at the time, I was chipping away at the old block and making myself very unwell as a result.
The girl who goes into her first “real” job after Uni and makes polite small talk as she knows if she gets her boss chatting and talking about their weekend or evening the night before, then they will be less likely to be snippy during the day. Encourage conversation out of them to get them on side. Ask lots of questions. Let them slowly bring you into their confidence. They are way less likely to shout at you if you are “friends”…. I can’t even begin to explain how much work that was. It wasn’t just with bosses. It was the same story with everyone else. I was working away in the background of my mind ALL the time.
I just wanted people to like me. For them to be pleased with me. Happy with things I had done or the way I had treated them. If I could control how other people around me were feeling, then I could control their influence on me.
I mean seriously…. Read that back a minute… if I could control how other people around me were feeling?!?!? Why did I even remotely think I could do that and yet I seemed to see it as my life’s purpose.
All the while…. Literally breaking up inside as over the years it got harder and harder to do. Let’s face it, it was an impossible task!
I know that’s this is a lovely photo but inside my heart was breaking. There was nothing wrong with my marriage, nothing wrong with the lovely house I lived in or our lovely dogs….. everything was wrong inside me. I could barely hold it together. I was so very, very sad.
I’d spent so much time trying to keep the world happy that I had nothing left… an empty shell. I started to think that everyone would be better off without me whinging and whining and being sad all the time.
Anyway I am so pleased to say that I am far removed from that now. It’s taken years of baby steps to build my confidence back up, but I am one of the lucky ones. I can say that I am still learning every day and no matter how bad things seem at times, I do need some reflection to remember that nothing is as bad as it was.
I’ve had the chance to unlearn everything that I thought was important and relearn what actually is.
I just want everyone to realise that we have no idea what other people are really thinking. What you see is not always what is.
I was loud, I was chatty, I wanted to be in the centre of everything. I wanted to be seen, be heard.
Now the opposite is true. I am quiet… and I love it. Quiet is my new strong.
Claire sent me this and it makes me laugh a lot…. It’s so very true!!
I’ve had a lot of people reach out to me as a result of The Rambling Sloth. It’s very good to talk and share how we are all feeling…
We all need to learn to live in the present moment and enjoy each moment of life for what it is… even when you get your Camper van stuck in the mud… Especially then! 🤦🏻♀️🤣