Fit Body Farm was great this morning. It was busy too! Shot some basketball hoops, getting better at that and managed some other exercises that I’ve not been able to do before now… the side plank raising one knee towards your chest then the other. The first time I tried that a few weeks ago, I crumpled into a giggling heap on the ground!
The shower I was in flooded right around the toilet and almost out the door and this time I managed to remove the cap over the top of the plug and remove the (let’s face it… mostly my…) hair. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤣 Water flowed freely. Job well done!
So you can tell I’m faffing around a story. I’m super tired tonight. It’s 8.28pm and my creative juices are not flowing at all. I cancelled meeting the Crochet Hookers tonight as the minute I sat down on the couch, I felt I couldn’t move.
My anxiety bubbled over this morning as if I had drunk some strong caffeine…. My head emptied and I couldn’t think straight at all. I became breathless and antsy.
Works been a challenge this week and on the grand scheme of things, for very simple reasons. I feel I have lost my control.
We moved the office around to accommodate a new desk for the new girl and I got a new laptop. Very simple things. Yet nothing I go to do has been that easy this week. Everything’s moved, new passwords for everything I try to log into, files to be moved from the old laptop and trying to determine the best training plan. All the while the day job is still needing done.
In my old life I’d have moaned the face off everyone but got on with it… now I seem to fall apart a bit more easily. Panic maybe that it’s all going to come back and spoil my good run.
That panic sentence finally brought the tears. I hit the nail on the head again. The fear that I might let everyone down by not being in control.
That’s the other reason I write this blog, to make sense of everyday things in my head.
When you suffer from anxiety you need all sorts of fail safes so you can fall back on something if your mind empties. I’ve not been able to manage these fail safe mechanisms properly as I’ve not had the same access to them.
So I was able to quietly explain to my boss that the anxiety wasn’t great, no tears, no breakdown, just the facts. Got back to my desk and got on with the list of things that need doing. By lunchtime I was back feeling more in control again.
I didn’t want to face a blog about negative chat tonight yet actually I need to take the positives from it. I now know what todays trigger was and maybe next time I’ll be able to stop it happening.
I’ve eaten a wee bit more junk than normal, comfort junk to try and make myself feel better…. 8 Quality Street are about 400 calories and they weren’t even that nice!!
There was a lovely sky outside tonight when I left… I dragged the boss man out to see it. I told him not to roll his eyes 🤣🤣
So early night for me. I’ve not moved off the couch wrapped in a blanket.
Tomorrow is another day and I will keep on going as I always do. Oooh more tears there. Big softie.
Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️