Day 641 Happy Hogmanay 2021 🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔

Well here we are again. Another year done. Can anyone else believe we are headed into 2022?!?!

I remember freaking out about Hogmanay 2000 and thinking all computers would shut down and planes would drop from the sky…. That’s 22 years ago?!? No way…..

It was not the best nights sleep in the world… if I’m honest. First of all…. Too hot. 🥵 go figure. Secondly, maybe the van at a bit of an angle so felt like I was rolling sideways. Thirdly, 5 of us in a van….. kinda says it all!!

That’s a whole lotta awake but to be fair a whole lotta asleep too!

Lovely breakfast and then dog walk. The campsite has a one way, mile round walk, so you don’t bump into other dogs… they think of everything.

I took Freya a bit further… trying to get steps up as I’m gutted we had to miss FBF this morning. Should say here that I’m struggling to walk from Wednesdays class…. 😆

The mist lying in the valley
The sun is coming out! Rainbow 🌈
Big sun!
Those eyes 👀

So….. I’m writing this at 12.30pm as so that I can relax and enjoy the rest of the day. We have friends arriving this afternoon and I will of course, need a nap. Haven’t had one in like two whole days?!?!?! How will I cope back at work??

First things first…..

It’s still not always easy but it’s 100% the best thing I have ever done. Taken back control of my life.

139 days without anti-depressants. This still blows my mind. I never thought I would see this day. I have to sit with that thought for a while as that’s still huge. After 25-30 years of daily medication and the last 15 years or so with a whole lotta booze I’m now facing everything head on.

This next one will be controversial but hey….

This won’t be for everyone but I’ve change a lot in the last 3 years.

Without all of that there was nowhere to hide, nowhere to get away from it all…. Except maybe through food. Now I’ve taken the next step to try to control that too.

I have changed so much in 2021. At the start of the year I was reluctantly making dog behavioural calls. Plucking up the courage to call each enquiry I was given. Some days were hard… other days it came naturally.

These days most things come naturally to me. I am so grateful for that. ♥️♥️♥️

I’m now gainfully employed again as Tartan Campers gave me a great opportunity and still offered it when I told them I was worried I wouldn’t get an afternoon sleep…. (I mean they really should have run a mile!) I have the Fit Body Farm 3 times a week and was so proud to win transformation of the year.

I still have my moments when anxiety blows up in my face (yesterday…..) but I know why, I understand my triggers. I try to plan around them and the lovely Shelagh helps me manage it all through health kinesiology.

I have a wonderful network of friends and family who support me and look out for me. They always say the right things at the right time. 💜

Craig has stood by me through all of this and we’ve grown together learning as we go. We can laugh at some of it now. (Not so much yesterday…🤷🏻‍♀️🤣)

And…. I have 641 days of The Rambling Sloth under my belt. I truly the believe the blog has helped me understand all of this. Make some sense of the over reactions, help me understand the triggers.

Thanks to everyone who reads, comments, sends or tags me in content.

It means the world to me. ♥️💜

Love this 💕

Happy 2022 to you all. ♥️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 640 ROADTRIP to Blairgowrie on Hogmanay Eve 🔔🚐🏕🔔

Well, you may not be surprised to know that anxiety reared it’s ugly head this morning.

The plus side of that is that I identified a HUGE trigger…. Being completely out of control with what’s happening in my day.

So….. I will try to keep this brief but I may fail. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 my head loves a good drama you know…..

We were “meant” to be going away for a Hogmanay/New Years Day meet with the Overland Bound guys.

There were 10 vehicles attending when it was first mentioned and we booked GG & Belles campsite in Blairgowrie.

(This is the campsite with the fences around the pitch for the dogs to be off lead).

Sadly over the last week one by one people have dropped out for various reasons, COVID included. Yesterday when we were finally down to 2 or maybe 3 vehicles we decided to cancel it. The campsite were only opening up for us because we had asked and they were making some money off season. They were also selling us bags of wood that they were preparing.

So from yesterday lunchtime it was off…..

I cancelled my Thursday 7am at FBF and booked for Friday at 6am. I put my lists away, didn’t go food shopping, didn’t pack, nothing.

I woke up at 7am and lay in until 9. I was planning to go buy some new running trainers with my winnings from the FBF Transformation award… then lunch in Tiso’s in Glasgow. Lovely wee day.

Then the words…. “I was thinking we should just go…” we’re uttered….. and I think my head emptied, anxiety took over and had a rampage….. pretty much up until the minute we drove off…. At 1.20pm!!!!

So you can imagine my morning. I just couldn’t shake out of it at all. I was humphing and sighing and complaining and panicking and not thinking straight AT ALL. Generally causing havoc and making everything take so much longer than it should have. It’s almost as if I relish being in that moment again proving to myself that there’s something simple that I still can’t handle.

I had SO MUCH baggage

As soon as I sit in the van to drive off I am completely calm.

And we’re off!
Where are you taking us now?!?
My other wee animal collection!

My trusty co pilot got this stunning pic of the River Tay while I drove.

He took this as we drove over a bridge

Then we turn left and pass this…

It’s not as dramatic in winter but still very impressive when you drive under it.

Blairgowrie town centre Christmas tree 🎄

In just over 2 hours we’re here!

Using the fence as a windbreak
The sky is lovely

We got set up really quickly and I got dinner on as Craig got the fire going.

Calaidh posed as I cooked!

Then her and Bhru feel asleep!

Calaidh in her hidey hole
I got Freya cuddles

So we’re here now. My anxiety a distant memory. There’s barely a sound apart from the wood sizzling in the fire. I’m drinking a Clean Co Cuba Libre which is an alcoholic free rum. It’s really lovely though the Coke has caffeine so I could be partying into the night. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣

Enjoy your warm cosy bed tonight. We’ll be looking at the stars every time we need a wee. 😂😆😂😆

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 639 Fit Body Farm return and dog walk all before 8.30am 😵‍💫🥳

Wow, we were like machines this morning AND I’d like point out that I did not have a nap today…. Check me.

We were back at the FBF at 6am and that was a baptism of fire! I’ve been having wee lazy lie ins since Christmas Day. the 5am alarm was not that welcome!

I found it really hard this morning but still. We did it!

Back home and out with the dogs while it was still dark. We had hi via vests and head torches…. It started to rain then and it never stopped until about 4pm!

Our Overland Bound hi-vis

So back home in the shower at 9am and it’s still pitch black outside. It was sooooo dark today. And the rain poured down!

We had Craig’s business parter, Lorna, in for a meeting today. It was so good to catch up as I’ve not seen much of her since I stopped working with Pawsitive Solutions. She brought us a lovely Hyacinth plant which are may favourite! Can’t wait to watch it grow!

We had a cuppa and I let them get on while I hung washing up and put washing away and other housey stuff.

When she left we had lunch and headed into the pub next door and ended up there till 6.30! We got chatting to a lovely couple sitting next to us. Really good chat and banter. It’s nice to connect with people like that. Time flew by and I never thought about having a sleep!

Course I’m tired now though. I don’t know where today has gone!

So a wee quickie today! (Stop it!)

Always be YOU

Time flies when you’re having fun!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 638 all this relaxing is becoming a habit! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣😆

Another lovely relaxing day here. I had so many plans this morning.

Wasn’t sure whether to head to Braehead shopping centre for a wander around?

Decided against that for COVID reasons. We’re away for Hogmanay so I didn’t want to risk catching it at the last minute.

My second plan was to head to Largs and get my glasses tightened… still not done that…. And head to Portencross beach but honestly just couldn’t be bothered with the drive.

I took the dogs out for a walk.

Love how Freya checks out the other two
The old gate in Spiers school grounds
The sky was lovely
A good run in the field
I love this view
The Ivy is so Green
The old Gielsland school building
I love the winter skies
Heading home
We do live in the loveliest of surroundings

I’ve had another lovely lazy day. I’ve put Abbie the camper van on charge today, plugged her into the house. Written lists of things to take away and put a gammon joint into the slow cooker.

And I had another nap….. honestly, I’ve not slept this much since I started full days at work. I’m loving the rest. Loving settling down for a sleep in the middle of the day.

Life is short. I shouldn’t waste it sleeping but at the same time I need it!

I’ve had the Crown on in the background today. Not sure if I’m loving it or not. Well I know I’m not loving it but it is interesting.

I’m not sure that I need to know all of this, some of the decisions being made make me sad. I know that sounds ridiculous. I often prefer the naive option!

I need to work harder at this!
So true!

And finally… I love this.

All to often we focus on the negative. This has been another hard year and we all need to give ourselves credit for how we’ve dealt with it.

So another lazy night in front of the tv for us….. oh that reminds me we had a lovely night with Claire and Graeme last night.

Claire made Passionfruit Gin Fizz Cocktails. Mine 0% of course!

Sooo pretty!

It was so refreshing! She also had a grazing board for us.

It was so good!! We had a good catch up and a good laugh. A great night!

Stay safe everyone 🧀🧀🧀

Day 637 a good wardrobe clear out, dog walk and a nap!

Oooh dare I say I actually feel a wee teensy tiny bit bored today?! There are so many things I could be doing but actually I can’t be bothered doing any of them.

However, in my lazy morning. I have still racked up 4,76 steps so far.

I’ve tidied out my wardrobe and chest of drawers, have clothes for charity, a couple of things to sell and a few things I’m reluctantly binning.

And just like that it’s 2pm.

I feel that funny way I get at weekends sometime where I feel like I “should” be doing more and niggle away at myself for not doing it. yet honestly, I have absolutely no intentions of doing any of it.

I wanted to go for a run when I got up this morning. I didn’t plan ahead so my stuff was all in the bedroom while Craig was having a lie in. I wanted to take my photos and measurements for the FBF challenge and couldn’t find the pad and tape measure so instead of letting it go a small child had a tantrum inside my head. By the time I found it I realised the sports gear was in the wash…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ It wasn’t the end of the world and everything was pointing towards me just having a rest.

I’ve done two washing loads and hung it up and had a good clear out so I guess that enough.

I finished watching the last episode of Suits. I’ve had that on in the background for months now as I tidy or write the blog. That’s a whole 9 seasons!! Hmmmmm what will be next?!

So I took Calaidh out for a walk and sadly left my phone at home. It’s been misty and murky for the last few days but there was a clearing in the clouds…. The sky was beautiful when I was out. Just after 3 it was very low in the sky and a huge orange ball.

So now I’ve done something I fee a bit better about doing nothing.

This is what my late lunch looks like…… a whole lot of eyes on me. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

And now it’s 6.30pm wow. Another nap. I’m watching the Crown now and maybe that’s made me fall asleep.

Going into Claire and Graeme’s in 45 minutes so better get moving!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 636 Boxing Day 2021 🎁

It actually snowed here on Christmas Day…. I could leave it there…. Poetic license…. or I could tell you the truth…. it did but was only a few flakes blowing in the wind as we drove home!!

We woke up to a sprinkling though…. ☃️ hardly snowman material!

So Boxing Day today…. And we have ZERO plans.

So I’m really pleased to say that I have honestly had THE best Christmas. I’m not sure I can remember the last time I’ve said that.

Other than not knowing what to get for anyone at the start of December, I’ve really embraced the spirit of Christmas this year, whatever that is. I’ve worn Christmas jumpers, decorated my desk and watched so many Christmas movies 🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄.

I’ve used Christmas emojis on almost every message I’ve sent, I mean that’s got to stand for something. 🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄☃️🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Most of all I have felt a whole lot of love. I’ve spent the last two days with some of those I love the most. I’ve watched them interact with each other, shared laughs, old stories, memories and I’ve loved every minute of it.

There was no pressure, no rush, no drama, only great company, lovely food and the best few days.

I should say here that two years ago I dreaded the thought of Christmas. I felt like a burden to everyone and thought they’d Al be better off without me. It was the most dreadful time and was really all in my head. My illness telling me cruel lies. So many people will have struggled this year and my heart goes out to them.

I love that in this last year I’ve had lots of days where I just did whatever I wanted. I love being able to relax and have no pressure to do anything. I also love alone time. As much as I love my friends and family I now know I need alone time. Crave it actually.

We had our Christmas Day today. We didn’t take our presents with us so woke up at 8am to do pressies! Boxing Day is Christmas Day III 🥳🎊🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄♥️

I’ve had such lovely, lovely, lovely gifts this Christmas. I’ve been so lucky.

I got a T-shirt from my favourite Christmas film!

I got a lovely hat and T-shirt from my next door neighbours.

A hat from Claire, scarf from Craig and gloves from my sis in law, Lisa which make a great combo!!

Craig and I had a £100 limit….. he is the king of gift giving so needs a limit 🤣🤣🤣

He did very well until my last gift…. He got me the Fitbit Sense which is a health smart watch. It tracks all health metrics and helps manage stress……. Well hullo…… know of anyone who might need that?!? He had a wee twinkle in his eye when he “tah-dahed” that one over!!

I love it of course and it couldn’t have come at a better time when I really want to track my workout progress and am starting to look into daily meditation practise.

I also got lots of mini alcohol free drinks with a Julie fizz glass.

Everyone has been so thoughtful and kind.

Calaidh made light work of this toy…. It was gone in 5 minutes.

We took the dogs out and it was pretty miserable and cold so came home and had showers and got into comfies for the rest of the day.

Craig watched the football while I got into bed and had a nap! Surprise!!

We watched Don’t Look Up on Netflix tonight with Leonardo di Caprio. Wow. Uncomfortably close to real life today but a great watch. We all need to take something away from that movie.

And these were just divine.

So yeah, a great few days. I’ve been very lucky and feel very loved. ♥️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 635 Merry Christmas Day 2021! 🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄🎄

Merry Christmas everyone!

I’m writing this in bed after a lovely Christmas Eve meal with my lovely in-laws. Tools loads of photos… as usual!

Cookie the Chihuahua is bored of selfies already.

How stunning does the garden look?!

Christmas is also in every room of the house!

This tree is artificial but it’s so real looking, it’s beautiful 🤩
Dining room
I love these reindeer
Posing in front of Helen and Doug’s tree
After a lovely Christmas Eve dinner ♥️
Treats Gran?!?

So… didn’t sleep that well as the dogs decided to use us as a trampoline pretty much all night, but didn’t actually get up until 8am.

We had the loveliest breakfast before we left.

And now we’re driving home for Christmas…. 🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄♥️ to my mum and dads for the day.

First things first some treats for the pups!

Mum and dad’s tree!

Presents 🎁
Mum rocking her Christmas pinny!
Then we opened pressies!
Hey d’you have treats?!?!

Mum and I took Calaidh, Bhruic and Freya for a walk. The sun came out and it was really lovely for a wee while.

Took this pic for my friend Helen as it shows her old house across the fields, the sun and shadows were lovely!

Mum had invited Nick, the Minister from their church, St James the Less, for dinner, so I drove around Penicuik to pick Nick up from church. It was a huge trip down memory lane.

I popped round to the Memorial garden at church to give my love to my Gran. my cousin Steven gave her a wee Christmas tree and some flowers.

So back to mums and we caught the Queen’s speech at 3, which always reminds me of my Gran 💜 as she always wanted to hear the speech and then we had dinner! Another amazing meal… think we’ll sleep for a week!!

Table set!
Salmon pate starter
Party hat selfie….. someone said the hat was too wee for his head…. Apparently 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️
Main course with lime pickle!!

And then I had Christmas pudding with brandy butter. I love brandy butter!!!! Love love love!

Love the candle centrepiece
Treat time now!!

I hope you’ve all had a lovely day. Christmas is a hard time for many people, it’s a memory of loved ones lost. It brings up so many memories of Christmases past.

My Grandad died 37 years ago today. I will never forget that memory. I was allowed to go to the midnight service at St James church for the first time. I was 12. I could hardly stay awake but I was so excited to be there. I wanted to be so grown up.

We came out of church and I suddenly felt very small. There was lots of chat going on at adult height. My Grandpa who never came to church was outside in the car park, as was my Great Uncle. I had no idea what was wrong.

Grandad had a massive heart attack at 12.10am on Christmas morning.

This Christmas we have people isolating through COVID-19 just to add to everything.

I’ve really struggled with Christmas in past years but this year I’ve been the most relaxed by far. Good things come to those who work really hard at it to keep on going.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 634 Christmas Eve 2021🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄

Happy Christmas Eve everyone!

I took a photo of our houses at 5.30am this morning on the way to the Fit Body Farm and sent it to Claire, it looked very festive.

She sent this back!!!!!

It’s nearly 3 pm and I’ve just tracked Santa on the NORAD tracker and he’s currently in China and delivered 1,290,835,571 presents… isn’t that amazing?!?


So back to my day… FBF was a killer session. Certainly no ease us in gently to Christmas Eve. Wham…. Hard work! It was great though and I came home buzzing.

Home, let the dogs out the office door, shower and then went through to the sun room and love that they are all waiting for me… Calaidh barks in case I don’t know where they are…. As if?!?

I was off out to my Christmas nail appointment for 8.30, toes and hands done in a lovely deep wine/purple with the lightest hint of sparkle.

I’ve also filled the van with diesel and run it through the car wash. Check me.

I came home and watched the end of my movie from last night and then popped into Claire’s for our Christmas Eve cups and pressies. Her house is so very festive.

This is the artificial tree, the real one is in the other living room…. Forgot to get a pic of that. Claire is Mrs Christmas. Her presents are beautifully wrapped and there’s always a theme.

Bruce is rocking his Christmas bandana

I, on the other hand… gave her presents wrapped in one paper, in a gift bag that doesn’t match with a gift tag that matched neither of them!

How can we even be friends?!?!🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 🤣

I got a lovely new hat that I’m super chuffed with and a very interesting book which I’ll be quoting in future blogs. Forgot to take a pic of it.

And then I got into bed and had a nap. I needed it…. I was getting crotchety and that doesn’t mean I wanted to crochet. 🙄🤣🤣

We dropped pressies into the pub next door and are now on our way to Craig’s mum and stepdad’s all lateral flow clear.

Hope Gran and Gramps are ready for the tennis ball throwing.

It’s been so long since we’ve been together. Last Christmas none of us could go anywhere. That will make this year even more special. ♥️

Merry Christmas Eve to you all!

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎄🎄

Day 633 Christmas clean, wrapping, quick food shop then movie night in jammies 🎬🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄

First day of my holidays…. Due a lie in… 5.07am…. 😳

Wide awake!

So….. why not get up and at it and blitz the house. Now it’s been a weeeeeeee while since we’ve done a big clean. I don’t do one and not write about it. 🤣🤣

Christmas clean doesn’t have the same ring to it as spring clean does it?! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I left the dogs in their room and started on the bedroom.

Now when you have 3 Border Collies… this….. is my idea of heaven.

A spotless bedroom, all excess dog hair obliterated…. There will always be some so I’m not gonna say there’s none, but it’s so lovely to have it all clean and tidy and everything in the right place.

So just wondering if anyone could take the dogs for the next few weeks while I enjoy our form of spotlessness?!? With a few dog hairs to remind me of their love 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😊🤣🥳

Craig was at the gym so we had coffee when he came home and then I did the bathrooms, the dogs room, the stairs and the hallway.

He took the dogs out so I could wash the floors and then moved I moved onto the sunroom and kitchen.

Craig took over when he came back and blitzed the fire, the living room and the rest of the kitchen while I wrapped the last of the Christmas presents. I set up a wrapping table in my clean bedroom. It’s the only clutter I will allow… 😬

The house is sparkling but we can’t have any visitors to stay over as everything is upstairs in the spare room. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

We headed out to Tesco early afternoon to pick up some supplies for Boxing Day when we are due back home. It’s been a miserable day up here today. My friend Helen, down in Exeter, had been posting stunning photos to their sunshine. I tried to tae a photo outside at 3pm today and it was so depressingly dark and grey I deleted it!

So we’re heading to Craig’s mums tomorrow for Christmas Eve, staying overnight, then to my mum for Christmas Day.

So my jammies are on and we’re in front of the fire watching Christmas movies.

Yup that’s me!

And I am currently watching Die Hard as it most definitely IS a Christmas movie!

Just like Craig’s T-shirt says. ♥️

Happy Christmas Eve Eve to you all.

Stay safe everyone 🎅🏼🎄🧑🏼‍🎄

Day 632 let the Christmas holidays be(0%)gin (see what I did there) 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄

Ooooh I’m late tonight but I’ve had a lovely dinner and watched a movie before I got round to writing!

So the big surprise today was that we got our last van delivered this afternoon so we get tomorrow off. For nothing. Not a holiday. Not to be made back. What a difference a new job makes. Christmas is actually a thing rather than a hindrance to business.

So the day started with the Fit Body Farm and I even tinselled my pole!

The workout was the 12 days of Christmas and the soundtrack was jazzed up Christmas tunes to give us a decent beat to work to.

I was tired but I really enjoyed the runs round the garden…. Which is the bit I usually hate. The atmosphere was buzzing.

This guy had by far the best costume!

He did most of the workout with it all on as well 🎅🏼

I gave the Coach my phone to get some photos… they’re no braw though?!?

Work was good again today. Ended up being really busy.

Got a lovely bottle of 0% Tanqueray Gin and a Christmas bonus…. And the extra day off!

So a lovely lazy evening. There’s loads we need to do in the next few days but it can wait.

Right now… it is what it is!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 631 the longest day of the year… winter solstice ❄️🥶❄️

I still remember where I was when this happened. Dad was a Scout Leader and we were out delivering Christmas orders from the Webb Ivory catalogue that helps raise money for charity. 25% of all sales went to the charity that ordered the gifts… anyway that’s a side step.

I was sitting in the car with my dad outside Kevin O’Reilly’s house as my dad was delivering Webb Ivory to them. Kevin was in my year at school so I was hiding in case he saw me…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 we listened on the car radio as the first reports came through.

We watched in horror over the coming days as the true extent of what had happened unfolded.

Dad had friends from Lockerbie. We found out quite quickly that their family was ok. It still didn’t take the sting out of the fact that this had happened less than 58 miles from where we lived.

270 people lost their lives just before Christmas. It’s shocking at any time of the year but always seems s much worse around Christmas.

The emergency services worked tirelessly to ensure all the bodies were found. I can’t begin to imagine how they dealt with all that. I’m sure my uncle was involved.

Just horrifying all round. These are the events that shape your life. At the mere mention of the event you are transported back to the second you heard.

As an aside, I should also say that Kevin O’Reilly has also since died which really shocked me when I heard that. i think it was quite a while ago.

Moving on….

I love this, it’s very special and so very true. Never believe it… I did believe it as my darkest times. You are never truly alone, there is always someone who will listen.

So not much to say about my day other than I got steadily colder as the day went on. I was outside with a customer for about 45 minutes this afternoon and I haven’t been warm since. The van was freezing when I left work!!!

It was dark so early today. It seemed so much darker than yesterday, which is obviously ridiculous.

So I’m home now, in jammies already and it’s only just turned 5pm…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🥳 the fire is on and I’m starting to thaw.

There has been a new COVID announcement in Scotland today. Christmas and Boxing Day can go ahead as planned but there are limits, from Boxing Day, in pubs and events with attendees capped for 3 weeks. We have to limit the amount of households we mix with and we’re being asked to stay at home as much as possible to stop the spread of the highly infectious Omicrom variant.

This would be funny if it wasn’t true 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😳

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 630 FBF, work and dinner with Auntie Jac! ♥️

It’s 8.05pm and I’ve not stopped since 4.45am! Until now obviously… Jammies on and feet up!

Busy day after all the drama and excitement at the weekend. Back to FBF this morning and we did a great stretching session which I really badly needed. There was one side plank with alternating feet that I couldn’t even remotely do… I got the giggles instead!

We ended with shuttle runs just to get the heart pumping!

Work was great today… I was on a roll matching invoices to the system and I couldn’t stop. I didn’t get breakfast till 11.30 and so never ate lunch! I realised at one point I was slightly addicted to the process…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

But at 4pm I was outta there to go to Silverburn Shopping Centre to meet Auntie Jac who had driven all the way over.

Silverburn was heaving when I got there after 5pm so we went straight to Nando’s and ordered a super healthy spicy chicken salad and a spicy chicken wrap to share between us. It was lovely!!

The decoration in Silverburn was beautiful.

Santa was right out in the middle of the mall…. Check me… mall… I sound American. 🤣 guess it must be due to COVID, Santa has to be in an open space?!

We went from Nando’s to Tom Horton’s for a decaf latte. May have had half an Apple fritter doughnut too. Was soooo good!

I have more mask than face!

Was so lovely to catch up as it’s been way too long! ♥️

Think I might be asleep pretty sharpish…. 🤣

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 629 I only went and won the Fit Body Farm Transformation of the Year AND the 6 week challenge 😲♥️🏋🏻‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️

I am so humbled to say that I won 2 awards last night at the Fit Body Farm Christmas outside party!

The Transformation of the Year and the 6 week challenge!

I got the cup for the transformation and £200 for winning the 6 week challenge. I can’t believe that I won one of them let alone both.

I’m using last night as a reason to keep on going.

I have worked very hard these last 8 weeks. I’ve really tried to change my nutrition as well as the exercise. The exercise comes easier now… the nutrition still doesn’t… especially around Christmas when there are so many temptations everywhere!

So a few photos from last night…

The moon rising in the mist… it’s actually dark!
Our first view of the bonfire
Canapés were exquisite
I love this 🔥
Craig in the glow of the huge fire 🔥
It was originally a pile of pallets
The triangle at the top is a digger bucket loading up the fire 🔥
The bucket is schmokin’
It was a freezing cold night but so hot next to the fire 🔥
I was mesmerised!!
Craig collecting his axe during axe throwing 🪓
I hit a bullseye 🎯 my hat malfunction means my shadow looks like Shrek!
The moon was stunning in the fog
The fire had stunning blue and green flames at one point. I took a million photos!
The second best one!
Hair all over the place!
Not the best pic but here’s me getting award!
And finally a cake pop!!

So after all of yesterdays excitement I’ve had a mare of a morning… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

We had the dogs in with us last night… until about 3am. Bhruic wouldn’t settle… so I was tired when we got up about 8.30am. We had coffee and then I went to get ready for church. I’m going to see the nativity this morning as we next door neighbour Holly, is taking the service.

I walk into the kitchen and decide to have a scoosh of our vitamin D spray. Not had it for a few days. …

It didn’t scoosh like it usually does… it’s usually a big scoosh all round your mouth. This was more of a straight line squirt. (stop it!!)

So I did another two…. Only then did I taste vanilla 😱😱😱😱😱

Scent Bomb right into my mouth…. Straight to the sink. 🤪 oh my actual god……

Craig took this……. He was laughing soooo hard. The only plus point here is my jammies match the towel. 🤷🏻‍♀️🙄🤣

So back to the point of the story. Church. I’m ready to go… I’ve given Craig a vanilla kiss…. And I hear an advert on tv…. Get your COVID booster as soon as possible…….


Quick call to Holly… drop her daughter at church and straight out to the Galleon Centre in Kilmarnock. how could we have forgotten?!?

There seem to be two queues so we join the shorter one. The other queue is massive. It snakes all the way around the building. There’s lots of confusion as to which queue is for bookings and which is for drop ins. After 5 minutes of standing in the wrong queue… we realise that the huge queue is for bookings.

What we can’t understand is why the drop ins queue was even allowed when the bookings queue was so massive. They were taking one drop in for every 10 bookings.

We were almost a whole hour from start to finish but we’ve got out booster jag so really that’s all that matters!

I’m done and Craigie’s still in the middle of the hall!
Sneaky vaccination pic!

So after a morning of drama… everything finally calmed down.

We did a super expensive food shop, came home and I walked the dogs while Craig put everything away.

It’s freezing in the fog…..

My fingers and chin were so cold!

There were spooky crows in spooky trees everywhere today!

It’s almost like a crow owns every tree… maybe they do?!

I’ve got my comfies on and have had my feet up ever since. It’s taken me an hour and a half to write this.

I’ve had a very tough 3 years…. Longer probably. I still have some difficult days but on the whole I feel like I might just have this thing sussed. ♥️

I’m 1.081 days alcohol free.

I’m 129 days anti depressant free and that means more to me than anything.

I’ve had so much support from so many amazing people. I couldn’t have done this alone. I appreciate everyone who reads this. Everyone who’s listened and everyone who’s there for me.

I am truly blessed. Thank you all ♥️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 628 Christmas wrapping 🎁in front of the fire, pup photo shoot and off to Axe 🪓 throwing at the Fit Body Farm

Let’s start with last night… the Gateside Woodcutters Christmas Night in the Gateside Inn.

We had a lovely wee night with the neighbours. It’s an annual tradition and we’re so lucky that we got to do it this year. We all took lateral flows in advance.

Waiting for dinner!
Smoked salmon and prawn cocktail… this is just the starter 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣
Me and my boy…. Sooooo not looking at the camera 📸 😆
Claire and Graeme
Claire and I having a wee pose under the Christmas tree 🎄

I forgot to take my Turkey dinner photos but it was very, very good!

Apparently wearing my hat was not cool….. I really was just checking to see how daft it looked…. and hey I think I’m actually rocking the look!

I came home at 11pm but couldn’t go to bed as the band were still playing and our bedroom is attached to the village pub. The band were playing just behind the headboard….. 😂

So I slept till 7am this morning and it felt like a huge lie in. I’ve had a lazy morning but set up the camping table in front of the fire and got wrapping!

The very first time in my life I have ever wrapped a spade

My reluctance to plan and shop for Christmas means that I have far too much for so many people. However, that’s a good problem to have. I’m wrapping them all up and it just is what it is. It feels good to have more than rather than less than. I love giving gifts. I love watching people open presents that I bought them.

I’ve gone from can’t do this, don’t want to do this, this is too hard, this is a nightmare… to oh….. surprise, have too much. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I don’t know why Christmas causes me so much stress. I think it’s the pressure to “perform” when I just about manage that at work and not much else. Then all of a sudden you have to do presents and cards and guess what everyone else wants….. nightmare!

When I emerge from wrapping I realise it’s a beautiful day. We’re so lucky it is as we’re outside tonight for the Fit Body Farm Christmas axe throwing and awards ceremony.

I decided to do a wee photoshoot with the girls.

Bhruic ♥️
Calaidh…. Just throw the goddam ball already 🎾
Freya ♥️

Now this next picture really makes me laugh. Calaidh is proudly sitting there showing off her scarf and the other two sum up the whole event….

They’re actually really good and know that the get to play as soon as we’re done.

Come get us Dad, we need rescued!

Least I had fun!

So we have to be at the Farm for 4.30pm. We have to send photos of our lateral flows before we go so I’m doing another one at 3pm before my shower!

So we’re both clear and good to go. The sunset on the way here was breathtaking. There’s low lying mist everywhere as it’s so clear but cold. The Isle of Arran looks stunning on the horizon and SO close. Makes me think of the lovely Anne again.

I took this photo over Craig while he was driving and out the window of the car. Imagine what you could capture if we had time to stop. We don’t… we’re running a weeeee bit late!

So I’m gonna stop this here tonight. I want to relax and enjoy the axe throwing without worrying about finishing the blog.

Transformation of the year will be announced tonight too. There’s very stiff competition so if I don’t win it will be very rightly deserved by someone who has lost way more than me.

The difference is that I have gained…. I have gained so much joining the Fit Body Farm.

I’ve gained a new level of self respect for myself. I’ve made some lovely friends who are all super supportive of each other and I’ve gained something that Craig and I can enjoy together and it’s not sitting in a pub drinking.

And that’s priceless.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 627 Fit Body Farm, dog walk, shopping & HUGE nap 🏋🏻‍♀️🐶🐶🐶🚶🏽‍♀️🛍🛌💤

I have just had THE longest nap. 2.5 hours. Wow. I needed it. Was shattered after this week and fighting with my evil twin most of yesterday.

I’m still really tired. Interesting that I drowned my sorrows in sugar yesterday. Wonder how much of an effect that has?

More updates on the Covid front…

I found the Farm REALLY hard this morning. My shins were sore, my legs heavy and I felt like I was dragging myself round the track. Everything was heavy and leaden. it got easier on the last run funnily enough. Like everything has loosened off.

I should say here that I’m actually in a good headspace today despite the previous few paragraphs…. I just knew I needed to rest.

I decided to go to Kilmarnock with Craig while he went to a job so I had an hour to shower and walk the dogs. We went on a super fast walk! I was really surprised to see that our village suddenly has road signs after all the years it managed without.

Who knew?!? Seems no-one!

Loved this cow face through the hedge

So… fast walk then off to Kilmarnock. I had an hour and a half to wander round some shops and I needed up having a coffee in The Range.

Despite the Costa signs they only had decaf instant so I had to have that. Can’t risk the caffeine buzzing!! Wasn’t quite the same as it’s the same as I could have in the house but hey, it passed some time in shops that don’t have much to offer.

Social distancing is back. Tables in the coffee shop were taped off, 2m spacing at the till queues again, announcements about staying 2m apart. It’s funny how quickly we’ve forgotten what that was like.

We met up after his job and went to B&Q to get paint for the kitchen. It soooo badly needs painted. With an open fire, a wood burning stove and the hob & oven all in close vicinity, it doesn’t stand a chance. 3 dogs haring past every cupboard every minute of every day doesn’t help either.

So we picked our paint, headed home, had a bite of lunch as was in bed just after 1pm.

It was THE best nap!

I heard some sad news yesterday about a lady I’ve never actually met but felt like I knew.

Anne Curtis joined a zoom call I was on through lockdown. It was run by Shelagh who most of you know I go to for my health kinesiology.

She was always smiled and was very friendly on the call so I warmed to her immediately.

She lived on Arran and maybe that’s what made me feel connected to her. I never knew anyone that lived on Arran before. Every time I saw Arran I thought of her. She would never have known that.

Back in March I sent her a photo of Arran that I took from a dog walk… 34 miles away. She loved it.

So the moral of this story is…

You never know the impact that you might have on other people. Always be kind and you may be that person to someone.

Annie was only 55.

Life is short.

I think this next one is important too…. No one person is ever right all of the time.

This made me laugh… sure Craig might have something to say about it 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

My works Christmas night out was cancelled as we didn’t think it was a great idea to be out and about in Glasgow, in a big group with the new COVID regulations in place.

Our Christmas

So we are off to the pub next door for the village woodcutters Christmas meal. I was originally going to miss it.

We’ve all to lateral flow before we go.

I’ve ordered smoked salmon and turkey with all the trimmings. Can’t wait. 😋

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 626 Another wee learning curve today… ♥️

It’s 8pm already and the day has raced away!

I had a wee blip at work this morning where something went wrong and I got upset as a result. Then I got upset at my getting upset. Go figure….

If you imagine my anxiety as an alter ego… it actually seems to relish when something goes wrong. It folds its arms, smiles a nasty, know-it-all smile and says “yep, you’re still rubbish, you think you have it all under control but you you don’t, huh that showed you”…. It’s evil.

Then I can’t seem to shake it.

I try to look at the thing objectively…. To learn the lesson it teaches me…. but anxiety snears and tries to drag me down further. It wallows in the bad feelings. “You should have done better, you should have done it this way, you shouldn’t have said that, you should have said this instead….” On and on and on.

This happened about 9.30 so it’s been a long day of hearing how awful I am from the devil inside my head. As a result I’ve eaten two huge chocolate chip cookies 🍪, a huge filled roll at lunch, about 8 Quality Street and 3 0% gins in the pub. Uneaten are my healthy eating plan breakfast and lunch. Self sabotage at its best.

So I’ve made it a tough day for myself. No-one else had an issue with it. Just me and my evil twin.

Least I can say I never repress my emotion these days eh?!?

So…. Moving on. Scotland’s Covid regulations are changing again as a result of the Omicron variant spreading so quickly.

When we were in the pub, the news came on announcing that pubs have to put screens back up from midnight tonight. The rules are changing so fast that we really do have to try to keep up with what’s happening. Craig ran to get his electric screwdriver 🪛

I put a post out on the pub FB page to let everyone know. We sat at the bar for the last time for a while.

These are difficult times again as restrictions tighten so my closing line is even more important.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 625 another day in the life 🥰

Jeez that was an inspiring title.🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 NOT!

I do find it difficult to wax lyrical on days where I feel like not much has happened.

I got up at 5am. Left for the Fit Body Farm at 5.30am and worked very hard from 6-7am! Halfway round on my run I did think how ridiculous it was to be running like a crazy wummin at 6.30am when most folks were in bed! It was PITCH BLACK when I left.

It really was as dark as the foreground shows
Looking over to Kilmaurs

I tried to be very brave and not to get scared expecting the boogey man to jump out on me…. 🤦🏻‍♀️😬😳🤣

Work was good, we got loads done.

I had a huge stomach cramp late morning. I was with customers and it came on suddenly. I felt like I couldn’t stand up straight. By the time they left I was bent over double for about 20 minutes.

I took some paracetamol. Literally in 5 minutes it was gone. So strange. I was genuinely thinking I’d have to head home as the pain was so bad. Been fine the rest of the day.

How lovely is the next one… my friend In Canada sent it to me. I’m gonna try this.

I’m on dinner tonight.. just waiting on Craig to get home. I prefer nights when he’s in charge…. I’m still trying to be good. A lot less sugar than I’ve had before.

Customers brought cakes in yesterday and I’ve not eaten one two days in a row. I also avoided the chocolates! I don’t need them.

So there’s nothing more from me today. It feels a bit boring and I apologise. I would much prefer galavanting around taking lots of lovely photos of the countryside.

But it’s dark when I start work and dark when I leave. In the bleak midwinter 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 624 dinner was ready when I got home! 😋

Wow… I walked in the door and the most amazing smell reached my nostrils… it smelled like some warm apple pie sprinkled with cinnamon…. Actually it was the three candles we have… gingerbread, mint mojito and caramel apple…. So that’s the wonderful smell. Wow. It was honestly mouth watering!

So despite there not being apple pie.. there was a lovely dinner on.

I was late tonight. I had kinesiology after work… for the first time in 5 weeks and it feels like forever!

So as busy but great day at Tartan HQ…. It rained so hard today but I hardly saw any of it. the day passed quickly but I enjoyed it.

I left just after 4 and headed to Irvine as I had things to get from the shops. Got none of it…. Then had to leave after an hour to get to kinesiology.

It was so great to see Shelagh today and get a big hug! We did lots of good work today as usual I left very calm and ready for a good sleep. One of the things we worked on was my desire to please people. ALL. THE. TIME….. it causes me stress to peoples everyone all of the time and yet I’m conditioned by generations of my family to do that. Fascinating when you look into it all.

So home, dinner, write blog and it’s 20.28 already…. I’ve got to get my lunch prepared for tomorrow and I’ve just had my bedtime reminder…. Got the early 5am start tomorrow so that’s all folks…. That was plagiarism 🤣🤣

Stay safe everyone♥️♥️♥️

Day 623 stunning sunset tonight 🌅 and village Christmas tree looking festive 🎄

Honestly when I left work the sky was amazing. It was a deep vibrant red. ♥️

I have been known to head to the coast when the sunset looks that’s great but by the time I get there it’s gone…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 So tonight I decided just to head home.

So of course tonight….. the sky was stunning all the way and I couldn’t get a photo of it! Here’s the best I managed leaving work…

The photos don’t do the colour justice as it was a deep pinky red and not orange as it looks here.

Sadly sunset over and industrial estate doesn’t make for the best photo.

So it was a busy day. The Fit Body Farm was a good workout. It was PITCH BLACK when I left.

I had the fear this morning… convinced someone was gonna jump out and scare me. Convinced there was someone in the dark watching me. A horrible imagination!!

Work was really crazy first thing… a whole host of things being thrown at me. But hey… it’s just a question of working through it all and getting it done.

The village Christmas tree is all lit up! The Gateside Plant Centre donated it and Rachel two doors down decorated it. It looks amazing.

This is the view from my front door…. We’re very lucky. It’s so beautiful!

So not much else to say today. I’ve been calm-ish…. No dramas so I’ll take that any day.

Stay safe everyone 🌅🌅🌅

Day 622 roast chicken dinner cooking, candles on… ignoring the rain!

Can’t believe it’s 4pm already and the weekend is almost over. I’ve been up since 7.30am as woofy mcwooferson was woofing and grumbling away for hours… or so it seemed! 🐶🐶🐶

By the time I got them up and out I realised it might have been the owl hooting out the back that was keeping them awake. 🦉

I was out early to Asda, did the food shop and then had a wander around some of the other shops. Check these guys…. Full size Christmas gnomes!

I did wonder who buys these….. as much as I would love one. 🤣 £135!!!

And then I decided to treat myself to a Christmas Starbucks! Craig and I used to go to Starbucks all the time and I loved it when the Christmas red cups were released.

I had a…. Wait for it…… grande decaf coconut milk toffee nut latte with vegan whip. Wow…. I really had to think that through when I ordered it! I have become THAT person….. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

And it was soooo good!

Back home, shopping away, washing away and Claire messaged to see if I fancied a cuppa…. Did I?!? Damn right! Had a lovely Turkish Apple Tea.

So back home and had some more presents to wrap.

Of course I’ve realised that there so many things I don’t have for people…. I’ve not had the brain power to dedicate to shopping this Christmas. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s been really bad as I stress about it but can’t actually think straight enough to fix it. Craig is picking up the slack….

I’ve decided to donate to charity this year instead of sending Christmas cards. In all honestly it’s another thing off the list and helps manage my anxiety and all for a good cause. We’ve donated up to 4 Christmas meals for the homeless.

Social Bute – Donate Now

I also shared this…. It’s a touchy subject as when I drank I never understood a non drinker.

When you don’t drink you do feel a bit like an outsider in certain situations. It’s my choice and I’m sticking to it as I believe I’m a much better person without alcohol. It doesn’t mean it’s easy all the time but difficult decisions never are. It’s so much better when people just accept it.

So that’s my weekend. Very quiet, lots of chores but also lots of chill time.

Here’s hoping this is a good week for you all!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️