Wow, 1040, feels like about 5 minutes since day 1000…. Life is passing by at a great rate of knots.

Awake at 5am today and it’s now 6 and I’m still lying in bed so thought I’d start this early. I’ve dosed up on positivity from my The Rambling Sloth FB feed. No nasties on there.

I found this. I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2018 when I first went off sick from work. But this…. Got me right in the feels.

100%. My body wouldn’t let me do that to myself for one more day….. well it let me go back for 5 months but they were the most pointless 5 months ever…. I was there because I felt I “should”. That word again…. Think about every time you feel you “should” do something. Does that not mean that we really don’t want to do it? It becomes a chore… how does your body make you feel when you force yourself to do something that you feel you “should” do?

Mine has a stroppy child inside that huffs and puffs and waves angry arms around… seriously. She’s totally in her element when I feel I “should” do something.

I think I’m pretty selfish these days. Selfish seems a very negative word…. Actually I know what works for me and what doesn’t. I need to listen to my body and it knows what’s right for me and what’s not. If something raises that stroppy child then it’s not really something I should be doing.

I feel a detachment from people at times. I don’t have s hectic social life, I don’t see lots of people because I have to build downtime into my week. I’m ok with that but I do feel I “should” make more of an effort at times.

I’ve been really stuck by 2 people who have died recently and by how much their deaths have affected me. For those who don’t know who they are, I will say that neither of them were close friends. Jeez that sounds awful but I’m trying to say that saying sorry for my loss seems wrong as the loss is felt WAY more by others…. But I’ve been profoundly affected by both lovely ladies and they will never know the impact they had on my recovery. Oooh a wee tear escaping there.

Both of these women, who hardly knew me, took time out of their busy lives to connect with me when I was ill. One was absolutely determined to get me out of the job that had broken me and the other always with a wink and a hug and the right words at the sad times.

Where am I going with this? I guess it’s to tell you all how much we do impact other people’s lives. Someone will remember you for the smallest things… a song, a smile, a memory, a wise word, a hug, some love….

And sadly on the flip side, there will be those that we remember for the wrong reasons. If someone doesn’t feel right to you then YOU are right. Your gut instinct is right. Someone who doesn’t treat you well, makes you feel bad every time you connect with them, gives you a dog, a back handed snide remark, those are not your people.

I read recently in the Happiful Magazine. Worth a follow by the way…. You should not be scared of not being liked…… eek!

Well I have a long, long, long way to go with that one. I’m not sure how to get my head around it.

I have hurt people on my journey…. I know there are people out there who don’t like me….. but that thought could eat you up from the inside out. That is not a pleasant feeling. I’ve attached a link to the article though so you can all feel as uncomfortable as me 😳😬😘

Happiful Mag -Overcome your fear of not being liked

As an aside, I must say here that I find fasting incredibly easy…. But when hubby is up super early and the smell of bacon wafts it’s way under your bedroom door…. A girl could be forgiven for falling off the fasting wagon.

Anyway, I think I’ll get up now and change the bed…. Put my time to better use. Be nice to have clean bed tonight.

I just went back to the top of the blog to add a title and call it “early morning feels” ……… then realised I can’t do that!!!!!! 😂😂😂

Oh haha a dog barked… they can smell the bacon too…. Right, I’m up!!!

The days seems so long when you get up that early.

It was The little gift shop’s 4th birthday today. I was the first ever customer when Gayle opened. I took a video when I walked into the shop. It looks soooo different today! She’s done so well and I’m so proud of her. She just goes after what she wants and does it. A great role model.

I had my Valentine’ Day sweatshirt on with a heart patterned scarf…. I’m not taking it off as I may never wear it again. It was only £5.99 and is not the best shape or quality.

So yeah, it’s 2.15pm and I’m in comfies on the couch between Freya and Bhruic. I’ve finished my 13 day stint of work and have 1.5 days off work. I’m not doing anything for the rest of the day.

And relax….

Have a great rest of weekend!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️