Day 905 the calm before the storm tomorrow but enough of a storm in my head today!

I’ve come to the sea tonight.

I am all over the place today. I burst into tears at work at 8am when I realised hadn’t ordered some parts for a van. I couldn’t stop crying…… it was not about the parts.

Sitting here now, I wonder what all the fuss is about.

There’s less noise down here than there has been in my head all day…. I couldn’t shift it.

Writing the blog has become a chore on these days. It’s as uncomfortable as hell. I am so tired of writing about the drama on the bad days and yet I need to get it out. I don’t want to write it and I can’t imagine anyone wants to listen to it.

I took a huge stick and walloped myself with it all day. The voice in my head tells me that I’m useless…. the mistake is yet another thing to prove that. How could I miss something so simple?

No one else seems bothered by it… it’ll be here tomorrow….

It’s not about the part…. I know that.

Something is shifting inside of me and I can’t drown it in wine…. I can’t go out and buy loads of stuff to try and cheer myself up. I just have to sit in the yucky stomach churning discomfort of it all and try to figure out what it all means.

Or maybe I’m so intensely reading up on everything that I actually just need to rest. I am exhausted by the frenzy in my head. I am exhausted trying to fix all the jumbled up thoughts I’m having.

I’ve been listening to an audio book called A Shift to Love, Zen Stories and Lessons by Alex Mill and there’s a chance it might just be a bit too much for might right now.

He’s spent 14 years in a Monastery mastering the art of meditation and he still has the voices in his head trying to belittle him and put him down all the time, what chance do I have cause I ain’t doing that!!!

The noise is calming right down sitting here. The sea always has this effect on me. Just sitting in nature. Nowhere to be. Nowhere to go. Just be.

Spot the birdies 😆

And just like that my day is made complete…. A yacht is sailing straight for the sunset. Wow. It’s the simple things in life.

It didn’t make the best photo as it was too close to the horizon so I took a photo way past the setting sun…

Its clouding over. It’s quite dramatic.

This fishing boat just passed and create a lovely light ripple.

Just spotted a seal too! Wow!

The sun has gone behind the clouds above Arran now.

The sky is a lovely colour.

The Julie that spent the day at work is a distant memory now. I can’t believe that I can let it get that bad looking back. The sheer drama of it all.

We have the remnants of the Florida storm hitting us tomorrow morning. We get nothing compared to what they have had. My heart goes out to everyone that’s been caught in it’s path.

It’s hard to imagine, sitting here just now.

Look how far the tide went out as I sat here!

I’m gonna head home now and get an early night. I’m shattered. I’m calm and that all that matters for now.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️