Day 460 a lovely relax after a busy few days and a pretty deep think today ♥️

I say a relax….. We didn’t get home until 11.30pm last night and I was up at 6.45am for the Fit Body Farm. On a Saturday… 😆

I didn’t want to go, was a bit nervous that I wouldn’t know any of the Saturday crew, was feeling the weight of all the pizza and crisps etc of the last few days.

But I did it…… I knew at least 4 people and got paired up with a fellow Julie and it’s turns out she’s the Captain of Team Courage which we are a part of.

She taught me technique and cheered me on when she could see I was flagging. Having that personal cheer leader helps me big time. We were also recording our scores on a leader board so I didn’t want to let her down. On a 4th lap running round the garden I started to say “don’t let Jools down” in a rhythm to keep my feet moving. Mid run I actually smiled and laughed to myself. “Don’t let Jules down”…. Do it for me… not for anyone else. ♥️

So I’ve been listening to a really good podcast again…. This time it’s Dr Rongan Chatterjee – Feel Better, Live More and the latest one is all about relationships. It talks about how we should be more honest with how people make us feel without assuming we know how they feel and why they are doing it.

About 1hr in they start discussing about how we wear masks with different people. (I’m sure I have a million of them stored away somewhere!!)

“It’s very important for humans to have solitude and when we can’t be with ourselves to really understand ourselves then we have a fragile sense of who we are. We carry that insecurity into our relationships with other people to allow them to prop up our sense of ourselves”.

WOW.

“As soon as that network is not supporting that view you have of yourself you start to get really emotional and upset and it can start to cause friction….”

WOW.

Backtrack a few years and this is exactly what happened to me.

I made NO time for myself at all. None. I worked all the hours god sent and also kept a million people happy when it was actually hurting me. I spent hours being nice to people that treated me dreadfully… bullied me even. I worked my socks off to get a smile from the bully and that would actually make my day. To have that person on side was the last piece of the puzzle…. Or so I thought.

Actually every bit of effort put into everyone else was chipping away at me.

I was the golden girl at work for a while and could do no wrong. Promotions handed on a plate, wage rises, a seat at the management table, a real voice in that business world. As I worked so hard at keeping everyone happy, the cracks started to show and as Rongan Chatterjee says… I got “really emotional and upset”. All of the time. And it lasted for almost years. I spent whole years of my life crying at everything.

I want everyone reading this to think about taking time for some solitude. Reflect on how you feel and why you are feeling, think about your worth and your importance in life. You can’t give when you have nothing for yourself.

We reward people for saying they are “too busy”…. We wear it like a badge of honour. It’s not something to be celebrating…. We should celebrate the time we take to stop and just be and to appreciate every minute of every day. We get one shot at this so let’s not waste it on making ourselves miserable.

What do you want…. For you?

Know YOUR worth…. It’s taken me a long time to find mine and it ain’t letting it go now.

So….. that was a bit deep for a relaxing Saturday….. I’ve had the nicest few days. Caught up with family that we’ve not seen in so long. Almost feels like this COVID thing never happened and yet it’s still there lurking.

Cases are sky rocketing but we’re not seeing the same spike in hospital admissions this time thanks to the vaccination.

So back to my day. I did a food shop on the way home from the gym in my sweatiness with a beetroot face.

I cleaned the fridge and stocked it back up and wrote a list of all the food and dates so I don’t miss things that need eaten. We cross off the list when somethings used. Check me. I’m pretty proud of that neat little idea.

Then took the puppers up into the fields although it was VERY hot and almost too hot for them. They are zonked right now so it did the trick! It’s so close today!

Back home for lunch in the hot garden!

I had a cool shower and washed my hair and then I had the best nap…… awww it was such a good nap. On the bed and out for the count for 2 hours. Bliss!

So yeah I had not planned such introspection today but I love learning more about who I was and who I am now. I know I was always me but it’s nice to be me for me and not for anyone’s idea of who me should be.

Except Craig’s obviously….. I mean that goes without saying… right?!? 😉😘

Here endeth…… 🥰☺️😉

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️