I had the best sleep last night. Out for the count. No wonder after the 2.30am the day before.
So I’ve nothing much to say today….
It was very busy at work. Lots of folk coming and going and the day passed really quickly. I worked on a bit too as one of the guys at work very kindly agreed to fix the Camper van headlights so they are now working again! Some good news!
I am sooooo grateful!
Craigie had dinner ready for me coming in which was lovely, so I had dinner then walked the dogs.
It’s been a beautiful day today. Really hot at times. I’ve not seen much of it so it was lovely to get some fresh air and sunshine tonight.
They’re walking really well for me on the lead just now. Long may that continue!
I am shattered today. I woke at 2.30am and only really dozed on and off until the 5am alarm. I felt like crying when it did.
I DID NOT DO THIS TODAY…..
I fought with myself for 10 minutes….. then cancelled the Farm. I knew I’d feel better if I went and exercised but I had the whole, no headlight thing to deal with in the van so I just couldn’t face it.
I did manage to get back to sleep until 6.45am so that was something. Then ended up almost being late for work.
I’ve been really tired and tearful all day.
The Queen has been moved to St Giles Cathedral in Edinburgh and is lying at rest for 24 hours.
Mum and Dad were in Edinburgh today near St Giles Cathedral so I hope they managed to see some of the procession. I would have loved to have gone to Edinburgh today but I’ve been emotional enough 🤦🏻♀️😆
I took the dogs out after work and the clouds were so dark that I only got half way round the route. We just made it home before it started to rain.
It’s so dark!!
So nothing else from me tonight. Except this next one….
I want to start by talking about the Queen’s travel through Scotland today because it’s taken up so much of my day.
Her coffin left Balmoral Castle this morning and is making its way through our lovely country on its way to Holyrood Palace in Edinburgh.
The trip is due to take 6 hours and you’ll see from my Google maps that it should only take about 2 and a half. It looks like it will take even longer than that as they are currently south of Perth.
Here they are leaving Balmoral which must have been a very sad event for the people that live around there. The Queen leaving Balmoral for the very last time.
They accept that the Queen lives there in the summer and comes and goes more normally than she would be able to do in London.
I’m so emotional about it. It’s so poignant. I keep crying but can’t stop watching. I am blown away by the amount of people lining the sides of the roads and the amount of cars slowing or stopping on the other side of the road.
These farmers near Banchory in Aberdeenshire lined the fields beside the road in tribute.
This feels like such a historical moment that I don’t want to miss any of it and yet I’m not sure the focus on it is that good for me. (😂😂 there I go again!!)
The pageantry of the Proclamations of King Charles III, as King, by all 4 countries of the United Kingdom have also happened today.
I have been more Royal today than I have ever been….. I don’t think I’ve felt this affected by something Royal since Prince Charles married Diana….. and that was some time ago!!!
Honestly, I think it’s the reminder of my own grandparents, particularly Gran who would have followed all of this.
Anyway…. In other news, I had a lovely night away and was lucky enough to have a lovely sunset down on the beach. It amazes me that there’s a whole campsite of people and I seemed to be the only one who seemed to go down and sit and watch the sunset.
I sat here for a while and watched this wee guy!
The Isle Of Arran in the setting sun.
It was beautiful. So peaceful, so quiet, not a soul, just me. I sat for a while, wandered for a while and just kept looking for the best shot. It was a really special time.
And then the seagulls decided to move…. And boy there were millions of them.
If I could include video, then I would! It was quite apocalyptic when they all decided to fly over me at once. Go check out my Instagram page as I posted it there! Sooo loud!
I left my painted stone on the path to the beach….
So that some other lovely person can appreciate it. I was randomly sad leaving it as it’s been on our hallway for a good few weeks now!
I got up at 7am and headed out for sunrise this morning. It was equally beautiful.
Again, so beautiful….. but not silent int he slightest. This is at the end of the Prestwick Airport runway…. The noise as a plane takes off is pretty something…. I lost post that to Insta too!! check the plane just above the caravans!!!
So a lovely night and morning and a very thoughtful day watching the Queen’s cortège.
She’s just arriving in Edinburgh now. Awww I really wish I was there.
“The Queen is different. There was a respect for the Queen that the modern day monarchy doesn’t command. She transcended the institution as a whole”. People just want to say thank you. this was all from the BBC but I thought they were lovely words.
I quite honestly haven’t batted an eyelid at anything she did for most of her life…. And yet here I am… blubbing away with the dogs. That’s to Craig for taking this horrific shot but here it is… warts and all.
Sitting on my Gran’s crochet blanket. should say all these shots are from the tv….
A historical day for Scotland.
Fitting that I had a trip of sunset and sunrise…. No matter what happens in life you can rely on the fact that the sun will set on the day and rise on the next.
Check me… I have been “roped” into helping with the Gateside Horticultural Show this year with the promise of a free lunch. 🤦🏻♀️😆
I had to be here for 9.45 so I had to get up at 8 to walk the dogs.
It is a beeeeeeeeaaaaa-U-tiful morning, so still and calm and bright blue skies.
It was such a peaceful walk and the dogs were great, I love getting up and out first thing when it’s nice.
I had coffee outside In the garden when I got back then got ready to head over to the Memorial Hall where the flower show was taking place.
In the morning they set up and start judging and I was asked to help getting the results in from the judges and writing out the prize cards. I actually really enjoyed it.
The exhibits were amazing! I’ve taken a few photos to give you an idea.
Here are a couple of the team, Kenny and Jamie. Jamie is always a great supporter of the blog. I’m under strict instructions not to post any photos until after 4pm so I don’t give away any winners 😆
It’s now 5.15 so I’m gonna be fine (like anyone would read it and suss who had won?!?) 🤦🏻♀️😂😂
The flowers were really special.
We had a lovely lunch at after completing all the paperwork!
So very randomly after all that I have escaped away overnight and am in Prestwick Holiday Park…. In Prestwick, funnily enough.
It’s a static caravan site with space for tourers. The pitches are quite small but I’m lucky I only have someone on one side of me so a big space to the left of me. I’m facing on to this lovely house which I think may double as the bar area. 😳
First thing I did after getting set up was to head for the beach which is about a 6 minute walk away.
It’s a lovely path down the edge of Royal Troon golf course. Signs everywhere saying that there’s a risk of injury!
This lovely estuary leads down to the sea.
You can actually see the caravan park in this photo.
The Isle of Arran at the end of this path!
Tide wise it’s not the best time to be here as low tide is at 6pm so the beach seems huge at the moment and the sea is really far away. That tiny island on the horizon is Ailsa Craig.
This next one looking back over to Arran again.
Keek! I should say Craig has a get together with friends this afternoon so I took my chance as he’ll not have time to miss me!
I also sent him that photo in case he does… miss me…. 😂
There are loads of sand banks on this part of the coast. My feet sunk in deep here so it was a good trudge to get back on to solid ground!
Zoomed in on Ailsa Craig.
Heading back up to the van.
The clouds are so dramatic.
I’ve just had pasta and salad for dinner and I’m planning to head back to the beach for sunset. We’re actually at the end of Prestwick airport runway here and the noise when a plane takes off is something else. It’s not enough to stop you staying here, just enough to realise that you’re at the end of the runway.
Other than that it’s quiet…. Well that is… apart from the lady who just called her daughter on loud speaker. Everyone else is quiet. Seems the big holiday parks are way quieter than I would expect. now she’s just phoned to order a chippy….. g’oan yersel hen.
I’m very tired and can hardly keep my eyes open so it’s going to be a very early night tonight after sunset. here’s the sun out again through the wee wall behind the van.
It was the sweatiest of workouts this morning. 🥵🥵🥵 we worked really hard at the Farm this morning and if it’s possible I seemed to wear the thickest leggings and T-shirt I own. Bad move with so much running this morning. 🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️
I took Craig’s car as Abbie the camper van still has super glare full beam lights so I had a wee luxury drive there and back without dazzling anyone! I have bought the part I need, just need to get it fitted and she she should be back to normal soon.
As soon as I got back home, I took my sweaty ass out with the dogs.
It was threatening rain but we managed to stay dry. I had a shower as soon as I got home!
I made the best smoothie for breakfast… an Alpro Protein Yoghurt, mixed with banana and oat milk. It was so good and great idea after a work out. I’ll make that again.
So… I decided to call the AA this morning to renew my breakdown cover this morning….
That’s a few hours of my life I’ll never get back.
(I should just say here for my stateside sober friends the AA is the Automobile Association and not Alcoholics Anonymous 😂)
Why is this kind of stuff so hard?!?! I’m an intelligent person (hey…. Shut it 😆) and jeezo that call was hard work. Every single year I have to phone them to remind them that we get some cover through the bank and to reduce the renewal they give me.
Finally went from £42.40 a month to £22.64 and THEN a one off payment of £70.19 and that’s us got the same breakdown cover we had this year. Done. Dusted. Why hours on the phone for that?!? Worth it though I guess!
So I met my friend Carol-ann for lunch today. Now we don’t meet up very often, the last time was a year ago but we’ve decided to make it a quarterly event!
We went to the Linwood Farm and had a THREE course weekday lunch for £9.50. A huge portion of garlic bread, a carvery main course and brownie with ice cream for dessert.
And we talked the hind legs off of several million donkeys. 😆
We put the world to rights in a big way. And what a giggle!! It was honestly the most refreshing 3 and a half hours spent with a lovely lady!!
A lovely way to spend an afternoon!
It’s still been a bit surreal after the Queen dying yesterday. We now have a King. That’s the strangest thing to say. The UK is a bit crazy just now and I just think losing the Queen is another huge change that we weren’t really ready for. She was a constant in an ever changing world and commanded a unique respect in the world. When you said the Queen, the world thought of her.
Here’s a selection of what I’ve seen today. Lovely tributes.
This is the flag on the Waverley paddle steamer
I have my feet up now, may never eat again and will no doubt have a super early night.
I’m really sad to hear that members of the Royal family have been called to the Queen’s Scottish residence, Balmoral, this afternoon, as she has been placed under medical supervision.
Oh my god as I write this I went to check the time of that press release and it’s been updated…. To show our Queen has died. 💔
I can’t believe it. It’s a real shock as she doesn’t seem to have been ill, not that we know of. It seems like the family may not have made it in time. So very sad.
Elizabeth II held the longest reign in British history, for 70 years. She was just 25 when she came to the throne in 1952.
She was the Queen of 15 nations and head of the Commonwealth of 54 countries.
What a lovely photo. It makes me miss my Gran and Nana 💜💜
She has been one constant in an ever changing world. It’s the end of one of the most remarkable reigns in the British monarchy.
I’m trying to type as they speak on the BBC and they said that she said this at the start of her reign and again at her Platinum Jubilee.
Throughout all of my life with all of my heart, I will try to be worthy of your service.
What lovely and powerful words. I’ve often thought how hard her life must have been constantly in the public eye.
Flags are being lowered. I took a photo of the tv to show this lovely rainbow as this flag was lowered on BBC News.
Charles is now our King and head of state and Camilla is Queen Consort.
I wanted to go on and talk about an 85 year old man I met at work today. He really inspired me and I told him that he was an inspiration. It’s doesn’t seem the place to talk about him just now.
I’ve never been a massive royal but this is the end of an era and a very sad moment and huge change for our country.
The BBC have advised we will receive a statement shortly from our new King. Even saying those words are so surreal. We’ve only ever had a Queen.
Jeez I could just go to bed and sleep and it’s only 6.22pm and I have crochet tonight at 7pm.
I woke at 3.24am this morning and then tossed and turned until the alarm at 5am.
My headlights are stuck on main beam at the moment so I need a new indicator and headlight stalk…. It seems to be a common fault with Transporters so I had to drive very tentatively this morning. There’s a sweet spot you can hold the stalk and get the full beam off but it’s a very fine line between that and flashing your headlights so either way someone gets a blast of light if my hand slips or I drive over a bump. I talked my way through it this morning and congratulated myself when I got it right and passed someone without dazzling or blinding them! Hard work though!
The sunrise was beautiful as we ran around the Farm this morning. No photos as we working out at the time but I was so tempted to go and get my phone, it was a really deep red. The above photos were taken closer to 7.30am.
On the way home tonight a wee family of stoats crossed the road in front of me, one after the other as if in a conga chain!
I obviously couldn’t take a photo but it was the cutest thing ever….. their wee legs all running like crazy to cross the busy road… thankfully they made it!
Took the pups out for a walk after work and the clouds were lovely.
I want to see something in this next cloud but I’m not sure 🤔 a mouse maybe?!
So that’s all from me. I’m off into crochet tonight as I said with my wee baby cardigan that I’ve been crocheting. I am not a fan of any thing baby but it’s the first pattern I’ve followed so I’ve enjoyed the concentration required to make it.
It reads like is says on the label, I don’t have much to say today. Check me.
This keeping busy at work malarkey silences my noisy brain and keeps it focussed.
I didn’t sleep well last night as Snorey McSnoreson made a rare appearance… and managed to fall asleep before me so I was doomed….
That said, I have been doing lots of word searches and sudoku and maybe doing that as you’re trying to sleep it isn’t the best wind down?? Ok so yeah some of it’s on me.
A good day at work… then home and out with hoddit, doddit and ploddit.
Lots of sniffing going on!
Bhru checking out the big bull! 🐂
It doesn’t look that big in the photo but he’s a big lad with a ring in his nose.
I’ve cooked a healthy dinner and made lunch for tomorrow and it’s 7.30pm and I’ve just sat down.
Nothing else to report. Hope you’ve all had a calm day.
Well it’s not that I’ve run out of money…. As I didn’t have it before the holiday….. But it was definitely back to normal today.
FIVE AM ALARM 😱
That was a shock to the system.
It was torrential rain when I woke up, so much so, the thought crossed my mind just to stay in bed. I sat up before I was even fully awake, it’s now or never.
The drive to the Farm was pretty hairy. The roads were really badly flooded and I had to drive up the centre of the road to stay out of the rivers that had formed at either side!
My main beam headlights got stuck on half way there and if I put my lights on, I have main beam now. Joy. We’ve not even paid for the other car yet let alone having to fork out some maintenance on the van?!? I reckon that stuck on main beam is better than no lights at all. 🤨😆
I felt really energised this morning and thought the workout was hard, I enjoyed it.
By the time the session finished the sun was shining and it’s been glorious and up to 20°C for most of the day… not a hint of rain since!
I was determined not to feel awful about going back to work today. I used to DREAD going back to my last place. With every ounce of my being. Yet today I was looking forward to getting back to a bit of routine.
I did say to myself that I would not be in control at all today as I don’t know what’s happened for the last week, and that is ok. i thought about that a few times today.
So it was a great day. Paperwork tidied up, back on track fitness wise, food shopping done and put away after work and about to go to the village meeting about speeding traffic… the one I thought I was going to mid August! 🤦🏻♀️😂
I did actually shop very differently today and I feel like I made some sacrifices with my purchases to try and keep costs down. I bought turkey instead of chicken, beef frying steak instead of steaks, salad tomatoes instead of vine tomatoes…. That kind of thing. I got almost a full weeks’ shopping for only £63. I felt like there were a lot of people standing around staring at prices today. I couldn’t get into the pork steaks for one wifie checking prices for ages! 😆
So that’s all from me today. Good to be back and despite the drama I caused during my holiday, I feel refreshed and relaxed so can’t ask for anything more.
Not kidding…. As I typed afternoon tea there, predictive text just changed it to tears!! What does that say about my life?!? 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😂
Anyway…. Whilst hoping there are no afternoon tears, this has very much been a day of two halves for me.
I didn’t sleep that well, was up to the loo at least 3 times which is quite unusual for me and I went to bed and woke, with a thumping headache.
It was so dark last night we had candles burning… maybe it was just that.
We dozed on and off until just after 9 when I finally got up and had a shower to see if that would shake the headache. Trying not to pop pills for nothing these days.
This is my last day of holiday and safe to say it went nothing like the romantic image I had of 10 days off work….
I’ve spent a large part of the week being in a state of…… you know I have no idea how to describe it so let’s just leave it as I’ve spent much of the time off in a state.
Even after my shower I still felt awful.
I tried to write it all down. Just be very grateful that I wrote it down on paper and not here, for you all to read as it’s some jumbled up nonsense.
I think the jist of it is that I struggle to know how best to fill my days when I genuinely have nothing to do.
Now I realise that most people would kill for a day with nothing to do. This has been a week with a whole lot of nothing to do and I’m BORED.
All around me I see things that I “should” be doing but do not want to do. My inner child has a tantrum when I even think about doing some of that stuff.
Yet I have absolutely NO idea about what I’d rather be doing and a holiday abroad in the sun is not an option as I’ve said before. 🤷🏻♀️🤨😆
As I write I see a book lying on my desk. It was given to me by my lovely friend June, AGES ago and I’ve never read it. Always meant to but never actually got into it.
Yet today it’s screaming for me to pick it up.
I have the Jonathan Livingston Seagull too and thought I should read that first but my gut says no…… the first few pages talk about someone how works in automobiles. ✅
It goes on to say that there was a village of creatures that live in the river bed and are all clinging on watching the river flow by.
Wow. As dramatic as it sounds I have been so overwhelmed by boredom. If I stop thinking that there’s something wrong with me then maybe I will start to live my life again?
My headache is gone.
I deliberately make no plans for the weekend as plans can be overwhelming. I deliberately wait until the last minute to do anything so that I can see how I feel first. I obsessively need to know that the weekend is mine to do as I choose. Maybe now I am ready to start living again and stop hiding?
♥️
I’m almost finished the book already but I firmly believe I was meant to read it when I felt ready to hear what it told me.
I was out putting things away in the van and thought to myself I must take something for lunch tomorrow that I can heat up in the van.
An hour later the doorbell went and it was Holly from the pub next door with some soup to be eaten up. ✅ that will do me nicely and is far tastier than anything else I would have taken with me from our cupboards.
I’d been saying to Craig about us going out for coffee and cake as we never do that together so Craig booked a wee afternoon tea at the Bowfield Hotel near us. ✅
It has been pouring with rain all morning so I’d been putting summer clothes away that I hadn’t worn this year. I had literally just touched a skirt and top and thought (sadly) how I’d never got the chance to wear them this summer. Out comes the sun and it’s scorching and I wear the clothes I just thought about wearing. I’d have been soaked and freezing wearing them this morning! ✅
We had a really lovely wee afternoon tea. We don’t go out much these days, we both made an effort and there was perfume and aftershave involved! Just like old times. ✅
The food was lovely and we cleared the plates and it was lovely to spend time out together and not just in the pub next door. A wee date Sunday!
So lots of food for thought today. It’s no wonder I’m constantly knackered with all this intense thinking but my head screams at me when something isn’t right and I need to figure out what it’s telling me.
🦹🏻♀️
So it’s Sunday night again. Back to 5am alarm, Fit Body Farm and work. Back to weight loss meditations and healthy eating plans as I’ve got about 10 weeks until I turn the big 50. 🤨
I’ve had a really lovely day today but it doesn’t make for exciting reading.
It’s a dull and overcast day today so I fell my activities have matched the weather. It’s been so dark at time and rain is coming but it doesn’t seem to have come to much.
We tag teamed the housework this morning which is always great. Done in jig time.
Craig went out into the garden and picked these flowers and I was very impressed with the composition!
He even cleaned the windows before sticking them in a vase on the window ledge. Everything feels clean.
I took the dogs out for a walk as the countdown to the Rangers-Celtic Old Firm derby began.
Mean and moody skies Freya and Bhru had their usual crazy run The coos giving us the stare out!!
Since then I’ve been upstairs in my bedroom office and I’ve done all kinds of positive things. Energy toning movements, meditation for weight loss (not been doing that for the last week so been shovelling junk again), word searches and puzzles and crochet…. Following an actual pattern and not just going round and round in circles making a square (ok, you know what I mean!!)
It’s a baby cardigan with wee sleeve holes!
I’ve had a self care Saturday and it was really lovely.
I couldn’t stay awake and needed up in the spare bed having way over a two hour nap!! Was bliss.
I have chicken Fajitas on for dinner with all the trimmings. That’s the benefit of the weight loss meditation, it stops me just calling a takeaway.
And then this….. this is going to take some mulling over big time….
Let go of the idea that something is wrong with me?
My life is based on the premise. I am less than….
Yet I am just me. Super sensitive, overthinking but that’s what makes me, me. Hmmmmmm…
Wow.
Ok so that’s all from me tonight, Mr A’s team lost today but he says the best team won by far so can’t argue with that.
Happy Saturday night y’all. oh and this just went racing past the window….
Random 🤨
Kinda feel for the horse the speed they had it going at… anyway…
Craig was off work today so I took a wee jaunt with him to Kilmarnock while he went for an eye test.
I’ve not been there in ages and the town centre has really sadly lost most of its shops. I had a wee wander then sat on a bench outside waiting for him. It’s another nice day today but not as sunny as yesterday.
We decided to go for brunch at a new place called the Duke, on John Finnie Street.
It was really lovely. Kilmarnock doesn’t seem to have a lot of investment anymore and yet this place is stunning inside, very plush. It turns out it’s a Buzzworks pub.
I had pancakes, bacon and maple syrup which Craig had hollandaise eggs. Their Oat milk cappuccino was lovely too. A really nice surprise and better than the Costa we used to go to when we lived in Kilmarnock.
Finally Craig’s car is ready for collection. On the last day of my holiday (naturally!) AND it’s not fixed despite being off the road for over a week. Happy days. Needs more investigation. 🤦🏻♀️
So Abbie the camper van and I drove to Dalry this afternoon to take a very special lady down to Portencross beach for the afternoon.
Shelagh, who helped me navigate through my first 3.5 years of Kinesiology is going through treatment for cancer. She’s finished chemo last week and felt strong enough to go for a walk down at the beach.
I cannot tell you how lovely it was to see her. She reckoned I was her last client at the start of February. It’s been too long!
She’s tackling this head on with every positive treatment she can think of.
It was so lovely to talk to her today and hear about her journey over this year.
She’s a real inspiration to me. 💕
We went for a walk down the coast towards Hunterston.
Portencross pier looking over to the Isle of ArranThe road to Hunterston Looking back on Portencross Castle
We went for a paddle in the wee harbour.
I wore my long shorts today incidentally.. 😆 just as well as it turned cooler as the day went on. We probably stood in the sea for about half an hour paddling around. it was really lovely and grounding.
We had to dodge all the jellyfish as there were quite a few. The conversation flows freely, no need to fill every gap…. just spending time out in nature enjoying every minute of the peace.
Portencross Castle
We had another wander around. The sky is pretty cloudy now but really atmospheric.
I could stay here all day just watching the sea. There’s so much to look at, gannets diving for fish, yachts sailing past and clouds swirling.
The rocks here are fascinating too.
Portencross is such a special place and it was so lovely to share it with Shelagh today.
The views more special because I was over on Arran yesterday.
It was lovely to spend time with her today and meant a lot to me.
I dropped Shelagh back home and made her promise to ask anytime she fancied another trip out.
Willing her on for the next stage of recovery ❤️🩹
I popped into the pub next door when I got home and stayed for a couple of Coke Zeros. And caught up on village news!
What a difference a day makes. I know, I know… how many times have I said that before?!? I cannot tell you the relief that comes with that last wee episode being over.
I woke up calm and relaxed and determined to make the best of the rest of my holiday. So here I am on the Isle of Arran, sitting directly across the bay from Brodick harbour watching CalMac’s Isle of Arran head back out to Ardrossan.
So here’s a snapshot of my trip today.
It is a beautiful day. The forecast is for sunshine and thankfully my head is finally calm and able to enjoy it.
I feel way more grounded than I did yesterday. That antsy, unsettled feeling has gone.
There’s hardly a sound.
That’s why I walked all the way around the bay…. To be as far from other people as I could.
That sums it up. The universe whacked me with its 2 by 4 this week. I went to Kinesiology, got help and now I’m back on track.
The bad stuff that had me worried hasn’t changed. I still need to review my options to allow us to do better than to just (financially) “get by”…. But I’m not screaming like some spoiled toddler at the thought of looking into it. I’m able to accept I couldn’t get abroad for a holiday or away in the van. None of that matters just the here and now and knowing everything will work out the way it’s meant to.
There is always a bright side.
I can’t see that when I have a bad day. The noise in my head is incessant. I am all over the place. Completely irrational.
I couldn’t have come over to Arran by ferry yesterday as I knew I still felt bad yet here I am today like Heidi the mountain goat, skipping around the place, relaxed, calm and revelling in the present moment. what a relief to be back.
I set off around 8.30am and drove to Ardrossan harbour where I parked in the long stay car park. The CalMac ferry costs £8.60 to get over to Arran and back. We can’t even get to Glasgow from home for that amount. I couldn’t believe how cheap it was.
They’re doing work on Ardrossan pier so you do have to walk onto the car deck.
Arran was in the middle of a lovely cloud inversion.
The sailing was lovely. So calm and beautiful in the sunshine.
I couldn’t believe this butterfly photobombed my zoomed in shot. I thought it was a bird and looked up from my phone only to find it was a butterfly right in front of my face! I’m attracting them from everywhere just now!
🦋
CalMac’s famous red funnel looks amazing against the blue sky.
So todays funny Julie story is all about my denim shorts. 🩳 I have two pairs, one long which I don’t really like and one short which I really love. The short shorts do not leave the house…..they are not obscenely short but they are short. i really wanted to wear them and Craig said they looked great but I felt like I was too old to walk about in them. I set off wearing them but packed my leggings at the last minute.
When I got to Ardrossan I changed into the leggings…. There, that feels better…. First woman I see is older than me and wearing way shorter shorts than my short shorts. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🥴😂
Now to be fair, it was cold on the ferry over at times so I was glad of the warmth but first thing I did when we docked was get out of the leggings and back into the shorts.
I am leading my legs around for all to see and it’s ok…. I am surviving.
Anyway I digress, again, what’s new. (Just thinking when you read this, you never really know which version of me you are going to get… least that way it’s never dull…🥴😆)
Goat Fell dominates Brodick bay. It’s called that as it’s shaped like the head of a goat and stands at 874m and is one of 4 Corbetts on Arran.
I took a walk around the bay, into a couple of shops but was heading right across from where this photo is taken so I can look back at the town.
One of my favourite Arran photos from years ago is on the right and a similar shot taken today!! How sad….
Love the cloud reflections in this next one.
Beautiful bright red berries against the blue sky!
And finally down onto the beach.
The tide is coming in and I love sitting here writing and watching it. Here comes the Caledonian Isles again so I guess I’ll be on the Isle of Arran ferry heading back… getting my toenails done at 5.15 and didn’t want to cancel and wait another few weeks.
So here’s todays way happier face in comparison….almost as bright as the first one last week and WAY happier than that one I took on Monday morning. It will come.
Stick with the bad times and always see them through. You may not know it but better times are ahead of you.
I’m going to stop this for now and enjoy the rest of my day. I’m sure there will be a million more photos to share but they can wait.
Thanks for all the words of encouragement through the tough times. It means a lot.
Is unsettlement even a word? It seems a bit cumbersome to me…. Anyway, I’m using it as it describes how I feel today.
So yeah, another day’s holiday, another day where Craig’s car doesn’t come out of the garage and another day where I feel ridiculously ungrateful for having a lovely holiday from work AND it’s sunny and not truly appreciating it because it’s not the way I expected it to be.
I am super antsy. Nervous even. My stomach is churning a fair bit today. Now that could be the Indian meal last night but I know it’s not that. I feel uncertain. At a loose end. Bored, yet unable to fill the time with anything useful. I seem to get pleasure in the uncomfortableness. Jeez I’m just making up words now!!
I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. Remind me that next week when I’m back at work and would kill for some time off. Some people are just never happy eh?!?
Kinesiology was good last night and I thought it would make me feel calmer today but I’m not sure if it has. Normally I see instant changes but I think this time it’s more subtle. We covered some new stuff…. My life balance over the last 6 weeks has been at 71%. To be fair I think that is pretty good. That covers spiritual, emotional, mental and physical well-being. I need to look at lifting this by 20% over the next 4 weeks with some mental stimulation.
Don’t know if you remember but I LOVED the puzzles in the magazines I was given when I had COVID that’s second time. So I’ve homework to spend 10 minutes a day for the next 6 weeks doing some puzzles. I’ve don’t it today and I enjoyed it. Use it or lose it as they say!
My general immune system was 7/10, my energy immunity was only 6/10 which means I allow intrusive energies to change how I feel in a day. I do that…. I pick up on so many energies around me and I inhale them right in. My physiological age was 54 (too old!) and my emotional stress index was 51%.
Now I don’t really know what all of that means but the most important thing was my emotional stress index went back up to 88% as a result of the work that we did last night. Oh, that and my physiological age went down to 51. Now there’s still a LONG way to go to get my physiological age to my real age….. ok, like a WHOLE two years… 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😆 that’s gotta take some work? Right?! 🥴😂
So all in all it’s a positive to work on your mental health. No bad can come of it.
I decided I was going to go to Arran on the ferry today yet when I woke up, I knew I wasn’t in the mood. I figured a lazy day would be just the ticket.
My neighbour Holly asked me out for breakfast and we went to Mocha Jaks (sorry you missed it Mum!). I had Avocado smashed toast with tattie scones.
We took Calaidh and Leo with us. They had doggy sausages!
We had a lovely wee breakfast and bumped into 2 other neighbours, Anne and Brian. Had a lovely wee chat!
We came home and I took Bhruic and Freya out for a good run in the fields. I appreciate how green this is when much of southern England is burnt from the relentless summer sun this year.
This little monkey got stuck in a field and took her ages to figure out she could get through this gap!
The changing faces of Bhruic as she munches on grass!
Then I spotted some more lovely butterflies again.
She who used to be terrified of bees and wasps spent ages trying to get a decent shot of this bee!
Actually I’ve just realised that I’m the most relaxed I’ve been as I sit here and write this as I have some purpose. Honestly I could scream at how difficult I make everything.
This next one is the story of my life….
I have actually done a lot today. As I sit here I’m angry that I’ve not achieved much but I have started a lot. I’ve tried to look into a logo for The Rambling Sloth. Didn’t get very far but it’s a start. I’ve tried to load more photos onto Shutterstock this time. Over half of them wouldn’t load as they weren’t the correct size and now the other half are sitting waiting on tags to allow people to find them in a search.
I’ve tried to start copying the blog over into word with a view to writing it up as a book to sell on Amazon Kindle Digital Printing. It was hard going, I managed 4 days but none of the photos copied over so I might need to rethink that. Take the positives rather than seeing what didn’t go right.
It’s all a start.
And then I get a text….. my Health Kinesiologist has been on a training course today and has been “using” me as a surrogate. She wants to speak to me as she has some updates from where we left it last night…. I have a half hour call with her and everything calms right down and I suddenly feel SOOOO MUCH BETTER.
I know you might think this sounds crazy but it works for me and I trust it. What a relief. I’ll sleep tonight.
Afraid it had to be a quickie tonight. Despite being off work, I have totally run out of day! I have Kinesiology starting in 4 minutes!
It’s that butterfly again!
I’ve felt a bit better again today thankfully but of course, after the self created drama of the last 3 days, I am exhausted.
It looks like Craig’s car is stuck in the garage now getting the part fixed yet so I’m spending my holiday at home and I must remember how lucky I am to actually have a holiday and stop stropping about how it’s not going my way!
I took a wee trip down to Prestwick today. As Craig’s job cancelled last minute this afternoon. Had a wander round the charity shops and then down to the beach. There was nothing particular picturesque about it today.
I then drove homeward bound through Troon. It was a weeeee bit better…. only because the sun came out!
Very dark clouds….. but no rain today. Metaphorically too!
This was about as sunny as it got today.
So true!
So I was lucky enough to be invited next door for my dinner tonight, Holly was making a lovely Indian spread and it was soooo good but I had to dash home for Kinesiology at 7.30pm.
That’s me just finished just now. Lots of great stuff to process. As usual I go in like a tornado and come out like a meandering river. I won’t even try to explain it as it’s all just processing. I love Heath Kinesiology, it is impossible to explain but it sure as hell works for me!!
It’s nearly 10pm (I certainly get my moneys worth!!) and I’m ready for a great sleep. I’m calm and relaxed. Pretty zonked actually. Long may that continue.
I didn’t write a blog yesterday. I was not in the right frame of mind at all.
When I feel like this it’s catastrophic. At least that’s how I perceive it to be.
There’s a toddler inside my head throwing the biggest tantrum because things are not as perfect as I want them to be.
It feels like everything is the end of the world. Rather than letting the small things go my head blows them up into huge, monsterous, catastrophic events as if the end of days is nigh.
My lip curled upwards very slightly at that analogy so I know I’ve explained it correctly. But I will not allow a smile. I am far too grumpy to crack a smile. Unless it’s s fake one. Here’s todays face vs my genuinely beaming face from the other day.
Todays face versus last weeks genuinely smiley face
I feel truly miserable. The tears keep burning in my eyes. The worst I have felt in a while. Like a tornado of noise and anger and frustration and negativity raging through my mind. I can’t shake it. It weighs me down.
I’m on holiday for gods sake…. I watch every flight that flies over me and there are a lot and wonder how they can afford to be on a plane. Where are they off to? Why can’t I be up there?
We knew that when I left my old job that we would be ok and get by. I don’t seem to be handling this “getting by” very well. I can’t make peace with it. Why is that? I have way more than most.
Why all of a sudden, when it’s bad, do I focus on loss and waste, mess and all the maintenance required. I’m so overwhelmed that I’m sinking into a pit of despair. I hate it here but just not enough to climb out by myself.
I took the dogs up the hill for a run and focussed on a beautiful butterfly while they ran around in the fields.
My friend Isy later posted lots of pictures of exactly the same butterfly and it’s meaning. How synchronised is that?!?
I was blown away by that.
My poor mum is on her way over for a wee day out. I’m sure that will be fun for her…. I just want to wallow in self pity.
All the work I have done, all the positivity I have created is swept aside by a few down days. I cast a spell of misery everywhere I go. (I actually laughed out loud at that… jeez how much credit do I give myself eh?!)
Mum just arrived as I burst into tears on her.
So as you can probably imagine we’ve had a lovely wee day after I dragged myself out of my wallowing.
It didn’t start well as we took a Calaidh to Mocha Jaks, a lovely coffee shop near us, and it was closed on a Monday. We were both hungry… and poor Calaidh missed out on her puppacino!
Back home for the car and headed to Auchengree Farm Shop for lunch. We sat there until about 2pm and then headed out to Largs.
We had a wander round all the charity shops and then had an ice cream from Nardinis, coconut chip and as we walked across the road to the shore, a HUGE seagull swooped down with feet either side of my head and actually touched me before I screamed and it flew off. The more I tell this story, the bigger the seagull gets. It’ll be a pterodactyl before long…. 😆
We sat in the sun for ages and took photos of the ferries and the sea. I’m calm by now. The sea always does that to me.
I’ve managed to arrange Kinesiology for tomorrow night. That always helps me figure things out.
I’ve read back what I wrote this morning and every part of me wants to delete it. I sound manic, so over the top, so ridiculous.
I’m not going to as that’s how I actually felt, as dramatic as it sounds…
Jeez…. It’s 6.14pm and it’s safe to say I have not outdone my first day of holiday. In fact I seem to have needed the day to recover from it.
I woke really early and couldn’t get back to sleep and I felt that really tired, grumpy way this morning.
It was really misty first thing but with a promise of sunshine. The mist cleared to a beautiful day. I had no plans but wasn’t willing to allow myself a day of nothing.
I actually lay down on the bed at one point this morning thinking I’d just go back to sleep to try to brighten my mood. I know that boredom breeds creativity and I am very bored. Instead of sleeping, I had a brainwave that I’d go upstairs and I opened the big window right out so that I felt like I was outside and look for positive things to do up there. It started well but ended badly.
I get totally overwhelmed with the stuff that we have amassed over the years. I feel like the house is full of things we’ve bought and no longer used. Things that I just move around the house and don’t actually get any pleasure from any more. I was also aware of windows that need replaced, decorating needing done, all the bad stuff jumped out and whapped me between the eyes.
The cost of living has sky rocketed. I’m earning a third of what I did before I went off sick. I can’t do everything I might have wanted to do before. We would have away on holiday for this week, instead I’m wandering around the house feeling angry and sad. The tears have started as I write this. It all feels so unfair. My head is thumping. I guess that time of the month is somewhere around the corner as this self pity and lethargy is not me anymore.
I’ve had a great few weeks. Been focussing on the positives and really felt properly happy and content in the present moment. Of course I’m beating myself up as I’m not sure where the negativity came from today.
I spoke to mum earlier and she said “oh dear, what’s not going your way?” And I realised that she’d hit the nail on the head. I feel like a huffy child who wasn’t getting her way.
I had gone upstairs to look at new ways of making money. I’m looking into trying to sell some of my photos and also looking at self publishing some of the blog into a book. I say that and my inner critic laughs at my ridiculous optimism.
I’ve spent a bit of time over the last few weeks, looking at getting photos onto some selling websites. I feel demoralised by the length of time that it takes to load them up and think how to allow them to come up on a search function. I feel the quality of my photos diminish with each passing minute. Who do I think I am? Why do I even remotely think they are good enough?
So instead of doing the thing that sparked excitement in me this morning, I start clearing out and moving stuff around the house again…. And get angrier by the minute. I’m avoiding the hard work because I’m scared whatever I do won’t be good enough.
I went next door to have a cuppa with Claire and I even sat in a physical slump when I was there. The sunshine annoyed me and that never happens to me! It usually brightens me from the lowest of moods.
So this afternoon I went to bed. I was in there from 2.30 to 5.30 and I reckon I slept for about 2 hours of that. I woke with a headache and the tears haven’t been far since.
I have to write this down as a bad day and take as many positives as I can from it. I have to learn from this pain. I can’t drown it with wine anymore, I have to sit with it and listen to what it’s telling me.
Thanks to Anne for sending me this. Today was the bad. Tomorrow I hope there will be more good in the bad.
Like everything else I do just now this wasn’t planned and was soooo last minute but I’ve been wanting to try paddle boarding again since that first session we had when the Fit Body Farm introduced us to it.
Charlene at The Ayrshire Paddleboard Co was one of the instructors that trained us back then so I’ve followed her on FB since. Click the link above if you want to check her out!
So first things first…. I went to the Fit Body Farm at 6am, as I do!
It was dark when the alarm went off at 5am and he-who-has-been-driving-Abbie-the-camper-van in our one van family had used up all the fuel! I tried to stop at the Esso garage in Stewarton on the way there, but they had a tanker in refuelling 😱 I crossed my fingers and drove to the Farm!
It was a great session today. There weren’t many of us this morning as FBF are hosting a Hyrox event tomorrow so folk are resting in time for tomorrow. I’m not doing the Hyrox as I just didn’t feel fit enough this time but I had a great class this morning.
We were tyre flipping, mini assault coursing, weight plate pinching, pushing and pulling sleds. There were some photos taken this morning… here I am at the start of the mini assault course.
It was a good laugh but hard work out. You can see the size of the tyres in the background! They were huge and really heavy to lift. 🛞 We did each exercise for a minute before we moved around the circuit but it really sets you up for the day.
Home passed the petrol station where Kirstin, the girl I’d been working out with, was just finishing filling her car. I was stuck in a bit of a queue to get in and she shouted did I want a coffee?! How lovely, she got me a coffee just as I went in to pay!
So back home after enjoying my Costa Coffee latte all the way and ironically into the shower, despite having booked a paddle boarding beginners session for this morning . You have to shower after FBF!
So I’d seen yesterday that The Ayrshire Paddleboard Co had some cancellations for today so I messaged and booked in for the session today at 11am. I went on my own and it was lovely to see that the 3 other lovely women that joined me, were on their own too. It was a lovely wee group of like minded people.
It was a workout in itself getting in to the wetsuit but I’m so lucky I had the space in the van to stretch into it. I was knackered but glad I’d arrived half and hour early to get this done before I blew up the board 😂
Charlene supplies everything you will need. The paddle board, oar and wetsuit. The session started in the rain but hey it’s quite refreshing as you know you’re only going to get wetter.
She shows us how to inflate the board properly, another workout to get it to the correct inflation and then takes us over to the pond near the Booker Cash and Carry in Irvine.
While we’re still on dry land she shows us how to go from kneeling to standing as safely as possible and she talks us through all the potential dangers we could face.
Here we all are posing before we head out…. I’m far left. Should say these photos are all courtesy of Charlene!
The pond is an old landfill site that’s been flooded but the water is tested every year as it’s used for triathlons so they know that is good quality. I am very pleased to report I spent a lot more time ON the water than in it, this time!
Yet here we are getting acclimatised before we head out…. Theory is this makes falling in less of a shock.
The water really is pretty warm once you’re fully immersed in a wetsuit.
This next shot gives you an idea of the size of the boards.
Pretty soon we are out on the boards and getting used to paddling.
I actually managed to stay on my feet for a large part of the session today. I’m really chuffed as that was a big fear of mine the last time.
My legs were like jelly trying to balance, it gets easier the longer you stay up and then I got a wobble again, but on the whole I was a lot more stable than the last session.
The pond is beautiful as the breeze dies down and the water is flat calm at times.
I’m sure someone said let’s get our paddles up for a photo!
I went for it!!
Check me… standing AND chatting… 😂
The sky is dark and moody but soon clears to beautiful sunshine.
We even carefully paddled through some reeds at one point. I’m just out through them here.
And this… is my rear end, maybe the first and last time that will be in the blog. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😆
We were attempting a caterpillar to show how to help rescue someone if they had lost their oar or were unable to paddle back to safety for some reason. I’m trying to get the board behind me up on mine so the girl at the front can paddle off with us all attached!
The sun feels hot and the pond sparkles in the sun. It’s really a randomly beautiful location. I must go up there sometime and take some photos. My phone was locked away in the van!
In this next one I’m having a wee lie down as we get towed around in our caterpillar!
We stayed out for a bit longer than the 2 hour session and I had a wee float in the water at the end just because I could. As you do!
The van was lovely and warm in the sun when we got back and let the air out of the boards. Charlene even had some snacks for us, I mean come on…. That’s the icing on the cake!
I really had the best time. I’m so chuffed that I stood up for longer and really enjoyed our time on the water. I was buzzing by the time I left to drive home.
I had my second shower of the day and then had a 2 hour nap! I think I deserved it.
We’re having Chinese takeaway for dinner tonight with movies so all in all a great day.
I felt no anxiety or fear today and the coached sessions really help allay any fears you might have. Charlene is fully trained and has had to rescue some beginners in the pond who were there by themselves, over the last few months.
If you’re interested in paddle boarding I’d really recommend booking a session to learn about it before you just jump on in!
Well that’s come as much of a surprise to me as it has to you! Who knew I would have this much time off?!?
I wanted a break end August, start of September, as we’ve not been off since June and I’d booked Monday and Tuesday.
At the start of the week I decided to add Wednesday just because the weather forecast was looking good…. Then someone pointed out I was only working Thursday next week and that seemed daft so I thought I’d just book that off too. So here I am, 10 days off work without even planning it! Surprise!
As Craig said that’s long enough to go abroad but hey, I have zero plans so far. Craig’s only off for the next 3 days and his car is accumulating a huge bill in the garage so we’ll be staying home this weekend.
🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😂
Maybe this would be a good idea during my holiday!…. Get my S.H.I.T. together…. 😂
I feel like I got everything organised before I left but I know there will be loads that I missed. I made a few stupid mistakes again today. I’ve been much more tired today strangely, for no reason. At least I fixed the mistakes, one of them about 5 minutes after I made it 😂🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😆
So Craig had to come and pick me up in Abbie the camper van tonight and I had a lovely 1/2 hour massage at Harmony in Beith . Norma worked her wonders! I could sleep for Scotland now, it was so relaxing. Although a half hour is way too short.
So who knows what the next week will bring but I’m hoping for some sunshine and a continued optimism. Just living in the moment, taking each day as it comes and enjoying it to the max.
We had a workout in the rain at the Fit Body Farm this morning! It was POURING!!
We did barbell weight training inside and running around the garden in the rain in between. It’s actually lovely running around in the rain once you get going… I know, I hear myself?!? What has actually happened to me??!
Craig had to wait until I’d had my shower to drop me off at Tartan HQ so that he had Abbie the camper van for work today. I drove Ailsa the Tartan Camper home tonight and Craig will pick me up from work tomorrow night. All very technical being this one van family malarkey.
I had a good day at work today. I felt happy, I felt calm and I feel like I am living in the moment. I’m not worried about what is going to happen next and I’m not worrying about what’s just happened. Just thinking about what I am doing here and now. This is what I’ve dreamed of.
The days seem to go on for ever, in a good way. I don’t feel rushed, I feel like I have plenty of time for everything. I’ve done a lot this week that I don’t usually do but that’s ok. I have the time.
I’m not sure how this has clicked with me but I’m very pleased that it has…. For now anyway.
Now don’t get me wrong, I made mistakes today, said a few stupid things, cut calls off by mistake and was genuinely a little bit cookie or crazy but I did laugh it off and try to rectify it all as quickly as I could. I also didn’t beat myself up for my mistakes like I used to do.
I did have a giggle this morning, I got a lovely message from Aileen about last night…. I wouldn’t normally share a personal message but you’ll see why….
It was soooooooooo good to see you too!!! The lasagna was fab. You were the perfect hostess. The puppers were cuddly. Your house is gorgeous. AND you look amazing!! You might not feel it all the time Jules but you look really chilled and happy – and it’s so good to see. Love to you & Craig xx
Isn’t that lovely of her. The part that made me laugh was it’s as if she knew exactly how I was feeling inside. She reads the blog to be fair, so she probably does…. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😆
Oh jeez is the lasagne going to be hot enough, did I dry it out when I heated it back up, should I have bought more garlic bread? That wasn’t really enough. What do I offer them to drink? Jeez I forgot to see if they needed a top up, am I talking too much, I feel like it’s all about me. Wish Freya would stop trying to herd everyone, the dogs are in the way, I’d better shut them in the kitchen so they don’t bother anyone. The house is a mess, that wall needs repainted, I should have dusted more, I wish I’d cleaned the fireplace, did I clean the sink in the bathroom? Why did I only put a tshirt on? Aileen looks amazing in her lovely top, I should have made more of an effort…. And I really did just ribbit away all night like a chatterbox, why did I say all that?!?!
I think it’s safe to say she knew fine well that all of that was going on in my head. It was sooooo lovely to see her and to get that message this morning. ♥️
Also found this photo of myself from 2 years ago when I was still off sick with anxiety and depression.
Versus me today.
It’s nice to appreciate my progress. I’m still nowhere near my old size 12 but hey… I’m way more content with my body image now than I have been for a long, long time.
So I’ve been to one of my neighbours tonight to submit the village hall accounts to the Office of the Scottish Charity Regulator. we weren’t able to do that tonight but the accounts are all officially signed off so we’re good to organise a AGM.
Now I’m getting ready for crochet and a good natter with the Crochet Hookers.
The Rambling Sloth 🦥 