I’ve had a headache since Sunday night. It’s never gone away. I was drinking plenty water… tablets didn’t touch it. At 5.50pm tonight it just went away…..

Of course I was at Kinesiology and Shelagh put her healing hands on my head to help me balance and it was gone within minutes. Honestly Kinesiology is addictive.

I’m so much more in tune with energies now that I know when something is out of balance and I need some work done to fix it.

I didn’t sleep that well last night, my headache was keeping me awake… my head was full of noise. My throat was sore.

There were a few tears of frustration at work today.

To manage my anxiety I have been determined to try and stay in control. That means that all my ducks need to be in a perfect row…. The planets need to be aligned….. and anything the interrupts my idea of perfection, which is pretty much absolutely everything, is a huge stress to me. My inner anxious person throws her hands up in the air and you’d think the world was ending. 🤷🏻‍♀️😤

No one else is bothered. Only me. I should have done better, should have remembered to do that, should have, should have…. What if…. What if… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s no wonder my head hurts.

I then get upset at my upset at the situation. When will I ever be able not to stress and worry about the day I never saw.

So kinesiology tonight was all about my fear of the future and control… surprise, surprise. 😬

I’ve mentioned my fear of the future before. I’m trying the big 5…0 this year and I’m terrified that life is passing me by. I see so many things telling me that life is short and I must live it to the full.

On the other hand I know I should be truly grateful to have made it to this age when so many others have not.

There are still so many places I want to visit. I want to travel and write about it while taking beautiful pictures. (I may blow up my iCloud storage if that were actually the case!!)

So we worked tonight to take the stress out of those feelings. Mine is not to reason what my future holds, merely to believe that whatever it is will be right for me. The present moment is contributing to any future I will have. To be grateful for the present is the best way to attract a grateful future.

Then onto control…. I believe that I need to be in full control of everything in order to remain calm. This control means I can’t have any excitement in my life as excitement can be synonymous with anxiety… that’s s big word…. Not even sure I used it in the right context. I’m sticking with it though. 😂

I’m looking forward to seeing how this pans out over the next few days as it’s always lovely to see the changes that this energy work brings. I know how off the wall this all sounds. But trust me, it’s the best.

The calm after anxiety is always such a welcome relief. It’s only 8.30pm and I’m watching Pride and Prejudice on Netflix. That’s not usually my cup of tea but I’m enjoying the fanciful nature of it.

I want to watch The Handmaid’s Tale on Plex but Craig’s laptop needs to be working for that and I don’t know the password. He’s at work. Plex is hard work in our house. Or that might be me that’s hard work. 😬🤣

Yes that is more likely. 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow….. it’s still as wild as yesterday. I know I harp on about it but this must be worse than the storms with names…. Yet no name given?! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

We drove down to Ayr today and back up the coast. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the sea so stormy.

How beautiful though?!

What you can’t see is that it’s so windy I couldn’t keep my woolly hat on! The wind was determined to blow it off my head. Also the sand is blasting at you.

So in other news our big girl, Calaidh, turns 7 today!

It seems like no time at all that she was a puppy.

She had no idea when we moved here that she would be joined by another 2 crazy puppers! To be fair… neither did we. Oh how life has changed. 🐶🐶🐶🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾 that’s exactly how many paws we have wandering round our house at any one time. No wonder it’s never clean!

I got some new flowers yesterday from my brother and sis-in-law. They are lovely.

The one’s mum and dad sent me are still going strong minus the tulips 🌷 🌷

And the tulips from the Crochet Hookers.

Beautiful! 🌷🌺🌷🌸🌷🌺🌷🌸🌷🌺🌷🌸🌷

Well that was the weekend.. seems a quick one but can’t complain after a week of lolling about from the bed to the couch. It feels so good to feel better again. Back to the Farm in the morning. Bet that’s a killer. The 5am start will certainly be…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Ooooh I’ve have the loveliest day today. A TWO hour massage at Harmony in Beith. Thanks so much to my in-laws for my Christmas pressie.

I had a full body, legs, back, neck and shoulders followed by a facial.

I was pre-sad before it started as I knew it was going to be over soon. How ridiculous is that? i never want a massage to end!

Norma from Harmony is so good and I swear she has healing hands. Her fingers are cold and her palms are burning hot so the sensations are amazing… especially during the facial. (Stop it sniggerers 😂)

I was super chilled when I left and popped into my lovely friend Gayle’s shop next door. the little gift shop in Beith has been there 3 years now and the shop gets better every time I go in. Super proud of everything she has achieved….wait till you see the Valentines window that she had decorated today…..

Isn’t that just stunning. I watched the girl painting from the inside. She kept popping out to check it.

This was done by EmzArt. Have a look at her on FB or Insta. Wow. Her work is incredible.

Just beautiful! ♥️🌸♥️🌸

So home and did a wee bit of work but enjoyed it and then out with the puppers… straight into sideways sleety snow. Another face exfoliation!!

Then the sun came out and dried up all the rain…. (Plagiarism 🤣🤣)

So I came home and spent some time preparing for tomorrow. It would have been my Gran’s 100th birthday and we are meeting for lunch. My cousin Steven has a radio segment on SAM Radio (The Scottish Autistic Network) and he is going to do a show on Gran to celebrate her birthday.

He wants to record us all talking about our memories…. I’ve kinda cheated and written tomorrows blog and will read that. Blog writing comes very naturally to me. Sitting down to compose a piece on my Gran did not. Write it as the blog… job done!

I then went into Claire’s for a cup of Turkish Apple Tea. Haven’t seen her since pre- Norovirus so we had so much to catch up on. So lovely!

Quiet night for us tonight… might be having takeaway pizza to celebrate eating. 🍕

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Irene May Bowles was born on 5th February 1922 and she was my Gran.

She used to tell me it was the same year Howard Carter found Tutankhamen’s tomb. I was fascinated by that fact.

We were very close to Gran and Grandpa. She was mum’s mum so we spent a lot of time there.

Gran was always baking. Cheese scones were her speciality. She managed to get them to go all crispy on top. I can almost taste them even now.

She was always in the kitchen rustling up something from tray bakes to marshmallow top hats and lovely wee marzipan fruits. There was always something tasty at Grans. Her Roast Beef and Yorkshire puds were legendary.

Gran grew up in London and worked in the Cherry Blossom shoe polish factory at one point. She had been a cook in the war and met my Grandpa, Charlie, (Jock as he known at the time being from Scotland) when he was stationed down south.

She moved up to Scotland to be married. She always kept her English accent and the highlight of Christmas for her was watching the Queens speech. She used to call her the Queeg…. If s funny post voice dragging out the eeeeee’s. We still joke about that. 🤣🤣🤣

Grandpa used to own a garage in Penicuik called Lawmar Garage. I used to got here for my lunch from school and Gran would make lovely sandwiches and quite often buy us some Yumyum cakes for lunch. She was always eating salad. Celery dipped in salt on the side of her plate. She always had ripening tomatoes on the window ledge in the kitchen. Funny the memories you have.

We used to stay over at their house when we were wee and they had electric blankets on the bed. One night she forgot to switch mine off and I woke up drenched in sweat. She always cooked us the crispiest streaky bacon for breakfast so it was super exciting to stay over.

She was an amazing crocheter and the Queen of the Granny Square. She made me this lovely blanket when I was young and I’ve had it on every bed in every house I’ve owned. I will always treasure it.

She made the double crochet stitch one too. I really inspect them at times. I have favourite squares and colours and least favourite squares but most of all I imagine her working on it for me. I hope she’d be proud that I finally mastered the art.

We celebrated every birthday with her. This is the last birthday we had with her, 96. The blanket round her knees was one I gave her. She always used all the gifts I gave her but she was so easy to buy for. 💜💜💜

Mum read this for me at Gran’s funeral. She was so brave and her eulogy was amazing. I could never have done it.

It started…… Gran,

Cheers Gran, happy heavenly 100th birthday. I wish you were here to celebrate with us.

This next pic is just my favourite ever. With my nephew when he was tiny. His so on her head backwards.

I was very lucky to have my Gran for 46 years of my life. Not many people can say that. She lived until she was 96.

Today I’m meeting my family to celebrate her 100th birthday on 5th February 2022. I wish she was here to see it!

It’s been horrific weather today. Not sure this storm has a name but it was atrocious driving conditions and I had to go all the way to Edinburgh.

I took the dogs out first….. absolutely drookit!

Came home and got ready then suddenly remembered I hadn’t done my lateral flow so did that on the way out the door. The weather took its toll on the journey and I ended up being 20 minutes late.

We met in Swanston Golf Club Brasserie at the foot of the Pentland Hills in Edinburgh

Here we all are! Poor Craigie had to work.

My Auntie Marion had a board of photos with her so it was lovely to look through all the memories.

I loved this next one. Gran with my wee brother and I. Check that cheesy grin. 😬

I chickened out of doing the recording for SAM radio but my cousin Steven has this and is going to read it out on air.

We had a lovely lunch. I’ve not seen my Auntie Marion since before lockdown so it was lovely to all be together.

This little duck billed platypus used to be Grans. My brother bought it for her. Was lovely to have a cuddle of it!

So a lovely day. Lots of memories and lovely new ones.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Wow… I feel sooooo much better than yesterday. What a difference. No stomach cramps, almost awake. It’s such a relief.

I did not sleep well last night… not at all. It would appear that a bottle of Lucozade after 7pm is not the most conducive move to a good nights sleep. 🤣🤣🤣

It never even crossed my mind. I don’t drink caffeine at all now but I was so excited at the Lucozade trip down memory lane, that I knocked it back!

I was switched on for the rest of the night. Like an old tv on the white noise screen.

I got up early and was in work for 7.30! Glad I did that as I was there until 6.30pm as well…. 11 hours in my wee portacabin!

I’m not complaining. We had late customers collecting today and they were super lovely so got chatting and the time flew in. I’ve enjoyed work again today. I’ve enjoyed the sense of purpose and the getting things done.

I am very tired though. It’s half 7 and dinner is on… thanks to Craigie.

I have a strange conundrum at the moment in that I don’t know what to eat. I don’t want meat at all just now. I don’t know why. It doesn’t appeal to me, I want to be healthy and I want to eat lots of protein for the Fit Body Farm but I don’t know what else to make. I’m not ready to start following recipes so I want it to be ”off the shelf” so I don’t know what to eat.

I’m actually thinking that protein shakes from breakfast and lunch might be easy. They are full of vitamins and minerals. Not sure. Welcome to my head.

My feet are up, the fire is on, I’m wrapped in my blanket again.

And this one means a lot to me just now.

So happy weekend everyone as this is my Friday night. I have a lovely massage booked for tomorrow morning so can’t wait. Perfect timing after a very rough week. Thanks to my in laws for the vouchers for Christmas!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It was like my first day back at school after the holidays. I had everything ready to go.

Even driving was weird. My eyes have only moved at a snails pace for over a week… I drove like Miss Daisy all the way.

There’s a dog missing around by us just now…. I heard about her before we went to bed last night and she was my first thought when I woke. I checked the back garden. She ran away from a walk with her dog boarder as she got spooked by yesterday’s strong winds. I am devastated for everyone involved. The boarder who would never ever want something like that to happen. The owners who are devastated she is losing. The poor dog, to whom I’ve now given human emotions… is terrified, scared and has no idea where to go or what to do, in the most horrific weather. My mind is whirring it about like a mad wummin…..

I searched everywhere for her while trying to drive this morning. Not the brightest idea.

I seem to be determined to drag myself down and wallow in misery anywhere I can find it. Need to slap that out myself.

So work was very good today. I really enjoyed being back and I had a lovely cheery welcome.

I enjoyed having some purpose instead of lolling about from my bed to the couch and back. It feels good to be back in control.

I didn’t reckon on feeling so bad though. My stomach was really sore all day. It feels really gripey… what does that even mean?!?

I have hiccuped and burped all day too. Classy burd huh?!

I guess whatever’s in there is still working away…. I am hungry but I don’t fancy anything to eat…. A plate of chips for dinner tonight, I’m not sure they even tasted of anything.

So I’m staying home tonight (instead of crochet!) wrapped up in a blanket and the lovely Crochet Hookers have dropped off a lovely wee care package.

I’m on the Lucozade already. What is it about Lucozade?!?

When we were kids it was our go to whenever we were sick.

We could not get better without it! the yellow crinkly wrapper…. Takes me back!

So I’m on it now and hopefully it does the trick!

Stay safe everyone 💐💐💐

I got up to go to work today. In my head I was just going to do it…. That walk to the bathroom told me I still wasn’t ready. Dizzy head, stomach cramps…. I got back into bed and slept for another few hours.

My neighbour Holly offered to walk the dogs but I suggested I could just walk with her and take Calaidh as it’s the only fresh air and exercise I’ve been getting, albeit at a snail’s pace.

It is very, very stormy up here. The good thing about walking with someone is that you don’t focus on every single step analysing how you feel. However, any chat was carried away on the wind for most of it. Calaidh had a blast running with Leo and Nacho off lead. She’s pretty much slept since! Forgot to get photos… too busy trying to stand up straight in that wind.

As we came back down the hill she said about taking Bhruic and Freya round the loop through Geilsland and Spiers school (no hills!) so we did that too. Just a leisurely walk and all cobwebs blown well and truly away.

I was back home by the back of 10 and back in bed by 11am. I was shattered.

I think it did me good though.

I had a good wee nap.

The stomach cramps are still there but they are bearable… uncomfortable but not painful. I also feel a bit like I’m waking out of a foggy slumber. My mind is clearing a bit. I’ve tried to drink lots of water in case I’m still dehydrated… well I’m sure I am. I’m having it hot and cold. 😋 nothing but the best. 😵‍💫🤣

I’ve had oat milk porridge for breakfast and a filled roll for lunch. I still don’t fancy eating anything much but I know it’s building strength back up. Everything I’m having is bland to be on the safe side.

I’m still shattered but hey… when am I not always shattered.

I’ve been out and started Abbie the Campervan. You can never be too sure where that one’s concerned. All went well 👍🏼. I didn’t drive anywhere but if she starts she’ll drive. I have that much faith in her 🥴🤣

So yeah… I am terrified to admit it but I think that I might just be feeling a wee bit more human again. Craig is too. He has decided he’s no longer keen to try Vegetarian food for a while since our last meal (chickpea & black bean curry) is still going to be forever blamed for the onslaught that ensued. 🥴🤣

So February 1st brings memories of 1992 when my then boyfriend was killed in a car accident outside Peterhead on his way to visit me. Such a defining moment in my life and that was 20 years ago tonight.

To be fair that feels like someone else’s story but it’s my first real dice with death and made me realise just how fragile and precious life is.

I’ve said “drive carefully” to Craig since I’ve met him. That’s very important to me.

I keep seeing posts like the one above. I said it last night… telling me to live life to the full. I am attracting tv shows about travel, reigniting the spark to see every inch of this amazing world that we live in. While avoiding people of course…. The new me doesn’t do lots of people. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Meanwhile back in my current world I’ve had a shower, detangled the dreadlocks, moisturised lots of super dry skin. My hands are like sandpaper in the shower. Dry from the inside.

I hope that this is the end of the sick talk. Thanks for sticking with me. Who knows what the next drama might be but for now I’m in clean jammies, my work clothes are ready for my pending return all going well tonight and I’m wrapped up on the couch watching Dirty Dancing.

“Nobody puts Baby in the corner”

And just like that… I burp and get little bit sick in my mouth. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️