Day 698 maybe erase the day and start again?!

Oooooh I’m sorry as this one won’t be all smart arsed and wise cracks today… it’s not been the best day…. 😢

I had a great sleep but have just been feeling really emotional all day. I have been in tears on and off all day.

Yet today I really do think I’m bad at life.

I took the dogs out earlier and was all over the place. I put my wellies on to take them up the hill into the field, as a woman walked a horse past my front door and headed up the hill…. Well that’s my plan up the swanny… that’s my anxiety talking as I can still walk up the same hill as a woman on a horse. Today… it would appear not.

The walk was fine but I am literally scanning the roads in front and behind me looking for other dogs…. So I can be prepared in case something happens…. I am panicking. Overthinking everything.

I clamber under a fence into this field so I can let them run. Hands and knees into the mud 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

You know… as I write all this I realise how little sense it makes. I don’t need to ramble on about all this.

This next photo says it all to me today. Despite everything you can still grow.

My anxiety has been very unkind to me today. It has questioned everything.

I sat to write it all down as is recommended in the anxiety app that I use. It’s called worry time. It starts with “Jesus, god what the actual hell is wrong with you now”. Scuse the language. No one else would speak to me like that.

I don’t understand myself today. I am fighting an internal battle…. Why can’t you just be happy? Why do you have to make everything so difficult.

These are hard times to live in. Try as I might I cannot miss the dreadful situation in Ukraine. Social media is full of it just now and quite rightly so. I am devastated for these poor people.

I feel very vulnerable.

Yet compared to so many I have nothing to worry about.

I called mum this morning and she answered asking what’s wrong… she knew and and she got it all…… 🙄

Then I threw myself in to painting the kitchen cupboards…. Quite badly to be honest but hey… it helped take my mind off it.

I am very tired of always having to handle it but handle it I will. Again.

I am the only one who invalidates how I feel. My own worst enemy.

A few funnies to finish off so I don’t drag you all down….

The whole point of this daily blog is to let you all see that things may not always be what they seem when you meet someone.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️