Day 687 the calm before the storm

I’m gonna have to rename this The Rambling Forecast…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 today is definitely the calm before the storm.

Storm Dudley is headed in our direction and hits at lunch tomorrow. I just double checked the forecast and now it’s hitting us at 3am. How quickly it all changes. We’re expecting winds of up to 68mph, which is nothing compared to Northern Scotland, but it’s windier than we’ve seen over the last few weeks of storms. Hold onto your roof tiles…. That’s a wee joke from us very old house owners. 🏡

It was beautiful last night when I went out with the dogs for their late night wee. The moon was so bright, the stars were visible and it was super cold. The moon was huge on the way to work this morning but I couldn’t stop for a photo.

Today has been 4 seasons in one day. Also in my head.

I went on to LinkedIn this morning for the first time in almost a year. I was looking for something but It wasn’t a great experience as my LinkedIn is still set up with newsfeed for my old job. A whole wooooooooosh of triggers and negative thoughts that it’s all still going on without me and I failed at it.

Now I do know… deep down somewhere, that is not true. I worked there for 12 years and was lucky enough to be promoted on a regular basis…. But it broke me.

It was like being showered by a hail of archer arrows…. Like loads of stabs… I felt pummelled by memories. Memories of who I was, what I did, friendships I had but also seeing all the new people that seem to work there that I will never know and it knocked me for 6.

For the first few hours of the day I was really unsettled. What did I give up? What have I done? What if… I should have…. what if….

It made me feel less than…. And yet I know that I am a million times happier now than I was then. It’s still just hard. It’s very much out of sight out of mind for me until today.

So moving on the day was really busy and I ended up having a great day. I am finally feeling better despite the odd hacking cough.

We got an email from the guy who runs the Fit Body Farm. He’s encouraged us to revisit the goals we set at the start of the year and to think about how where we want to be at the end of March. I had decided I wanted to lose a stone.

Wow. I needed to see that. It made me realise where that my head has gone since we’ve been sick. I feel a “threat” to my goals and I’ve jumped into the survival part of my brain. I feel frustration, anger and overwhelm at my eating just now. I am overwhelmed at the thought of food prep and cooking and so I just don’t want to do it… but in true “me” fashion, I’m annoyed at myself for it.

He encourages us to make a change and starting by MOVING instead of turning to food….

When I came home tonight I felt tired and sluggish but I didn’t give in to it. Instead I tidied out the inside of the Abbie the camper van and then did some housework. I’m really proud of it as I feel like I achieved something other than just lounging around. Simple things but a change from the last lazy, few weeks.

Craig cooked a lovely dinner and I really enjoyed it. Good healthy food.

And finally….. the thing I keep seeing all the time……

A good day with a lot of deep thinking. I’ve struggled to put this into words tonight so I hope some of it makes sense.

Tomorrow we could be blown away!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️