Finally it’s the shortest day of the year and these cold, dark nights can do one!

Well ok, it’s a good while until we get rid of them completely but it’s a very positive start.

Positive Sporty Spice got out of bed this morning. Who knew she was in there after Monday’s efforts which I felt so sluggish and lethargic?!?

I’ve actually being doing some intermittent fasting for the last few days. Stop eating after dinner and don’t eat again until lunch time the next day. It’s made such a difference to my lethargy. I find it really easy to do when I’m at Tartan as I just eat at lunch. I have peppermint tea and black decaf coffee through the morning, along with plenty water.

For someone who stresses out added tasks into the day… intermittent fasting is a whole lot easier than prepping hand cooked meals. Just don’t eat. Boom.

So I last ate at 6.15pm last night and didn’t eat again until 12.35pm today. I’ve had lots to drink and only started to feel hungry about an hour before lunch. It’s definitely the way to go for me just now.

This is us at 5.30am.

It’s the Twelve days of Christmas workout at the Farm this morning, when means Christmas jumpers and a whole lotta hard work!

Here are the 6am crew!

And this is the dark workout board that I took when I left at 7.30!

It’s an accumulator. I did the lap of the garden. Craig did a lap of the garden and two press-ups. I did a lap of the garden, two press-ups and 3 kettlebell shoulder presses and so on. Poor Craig has the 11 things to do just before we hit the 12 burpees!!! I got a wee rest before joining in with him on them.

I wanted to run like the wind this morning. I was buzzing and full of energy.

Check Santa in the background of this next one!! That girl did the whole workout dressed like that. Huge well done.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I could have kept going even after all that.

It’s sooooo dark this morning. Thankfully Craig went and got me the head torch (I forgot!) so I could see to get back to the van after my shower.

All that early morning excitement said and done, it’s been a miserable day today. it has just rained, and sometimes rained sideways, all day.

And it’s been sooooo dark.

Our sunrise today was 8.46am and sunset at 3.47pm.

And from tomorrow it will start to get lighter a wee bit every night. Yay! Flip flops here we come.

So I’m home now and crochet is cancelled tonight as we’re on our Christmas break… I forgot about that so I have an unexpected chill out bight. The jammies are on, the fire and candles are on and Craigie’s on dinner!

Today has been a good head day. I’m tired but not exhaustively so, I’m not sluggish or lethargic. It feels good.

And finally…. Remembering that dreadful day, 34 years ago today. 💔 I still remember exactly where I was when the news was first reported. I was 16.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’m in work a bit earlier today so thought I’d write this down as it’s in my head….

I just shared this on a FB group, After Dry January. I’m one of the admin on the page and wanted people to see that it was ok to be what you need to be over the Christmas period.

None of us HAVE to be the life and soul of everything. We have to do what’s right for us.

I am very conscious that I’m hiding just now. I’m super quiet, I’m trying to keep away from any drama, negativity and hype. I know I’m doing it. I’m retreating into myself a bit.

The fear is still there. I’m scared something runs out in front of me on the road, I’m scared something goes wrong at work…. But most of all I’ve woken up today with a clearer head.

I don’t feel fuggy and exhausted. I feel more in control. I slept on the couch from about 8pm and went through to bed at 9.30 and slept right through. Musta needed it.

Thought I should capture this moment where I could actually muster a smile…. In case I forget about it by the end of the day!!

Yup… glad I did that as I might have forgotten. 😂

I think it’s easy when your head is down to wallow in the negativity. To embrace it as if you own it. It keeps the ego, that voice inside your head happy. That voice that says your worthless….

So I need to shake out of this and embrace this week, for what it is.

I’m in jammies (what’s new!) you knew that….. I’ve had some pizza for dinner and I’m making soup for tomorrow.

Our forecasts are suggesting snow in the next few days but it keeps changing. One minute it’s inches of snow, the next minute nothing. We just need it to make its mind up so we know if it’s a white Christmas or not!!

Pink is snow!! Now it seems to be fog….

I’m going to wrap some presents tonight. Stop moaning and embrace it. 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It is ROASTING today… compared to the temperatures we’ve been having, this is positively tropical.

It’s due to hit 12°C today. Last week we had minus 10!

My head is not great today. I woke at 4.15 and could have cried at the thought of having to go to the Farm, and into work. I’m still really tired. I can’t think straight, my mind is so sleepy. I just want to stay home, sleeping, but I force myself to get up. I make breakfast and pull together some lunch and head off in the dark to the Farm. (You can tel I’m still not loving the drive…)

The gym is still freezing inside but it’s much warmer outside. We have a good workout today but it all feels like an effort to me. I have that stroppy kid inside me huffing and puffing as it doesn’t want to do any of these things.

I just want to sit in silence inside my own head. It feels safe in there.

The fear is quite predominant this morning…. What could possibly go wrong?!? Everything, if that voice in my head is to be believed.

I cried after the class when I caught Craig’s eye and he asked how I was…. One of those days.

The floodlights were on when I left, so that was a bonus… I could see.

I’ve also been trying to cheer up my low mood with food…..

The office is sweltering when I get in. Some kind soul has left the heating on, thinking it would be freezing again today. Off comes the anorak, the fleecey buff and the Christmas jumper within the first 5 minutes of being in! both heaters switched off. So different from last week 😆

I actually had a good day at work. The day went really quickly. It’s blawin’ a hoolie and raining for most of the day.

I’ve felt a lot better at work than I did earlier. As usual I seem to be better when I’m busy.

This is a particularly difficult time of year. I think many of us feel a lot of pressure to celebrate and be merry.

I am already overwhelmed with everything that needs doing. I can’t remember ANYTHING unless I write it down. We are busy now until Wednesday 28th December and I saw this and it completely resonated with me.

Anyway, I’m bored reading this back as it sounds like in whinging. It’s just a wee bit of low mood and motivation. I struggle to take anything else on board over and above my work. When I put it like that, it’s that simple.

I’m in fresh Christmas jammies as onesie has hit the washing. These are not as warm but I could be sitting here in shorts and still be warm tonight I think….. 😂 positively tropical… 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I was in bed at 10pm last night and managed to stay in bed until 8.30am this morning. I’d snoozed on and off all evening watching trashy, but sweet, romcoms.

I was awake a good few times, through the night, but managed to doze back off, thankfully. I’m still really tired today. It’s 3.20pm and I could manage a wee nap…. I might just do that while Craig watches the World Cup Final.

I got up to walk the dogs but it was super icy again. I got my big coat on and went out into the garden and threw balls for the dogs. I then randomly started cutting back bushes. As you do on a very cold December morning, a week before Christmas!

I went to Beith Parish Church this morning as my neighbour, Holly, took the Nativity service and we went to support her.

Rachel, two doors down took the actual church selfie! I did force her into it 😂

I used to be a choir girl when I was wee. I was a member of St James the Less, Penicuik and sang in the church choir until I was about 18 before I went off to University in Edinburgh. Church is a HUGE trip down memory lane for me. I’ve not carried on my “membership”…. What does that even mean but it’s a huge reminder of my childhood. Church was a huge part of Christmas for us.

St James have their 9 Lessons and Carol Service tonight. I would love to be there but just not enough to actually go.

I seem to have developed a bit of a driving anxiety over the last few weeks. I’m reluctant to go anywhere much because I don’t want to drive. I’m sure it will pass. It might be the dark, the cold weather or just the fact that Abbie the Campervan has had her wobbles. She’s stopped wobbling but I am definitely having a driving wobble just now.

I’ve not had any more heart palpitations which is good. Just a crawling unease about driving.

Anyway, the service was lovely and Holly did very well. I got to sing “Once in Royal David’s City”, “ Away in a Manger” and “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” this morning…. A shyly as I could. I just wanted to let it rip 😂😂😂

When I came back I felt I was all dressed up, with nowhere to go….. I stood around for about 10 minutes, trying to figure out what best to do.

I got the onesie on, put Die Hard on tv…. Yes it is a Christmas movie 😂 and started wrapping presents.

Die Hard is a Christmas movie… these T-shirts from last year, say it all.

So that’s Sunday. It’s 4pm now and I’m acting like the day is over and it’s not at all. There are still another 3 Die Hard movies to watch 🎬😂 and that nap!

Oh forgot to say, still getting lots of lovely M&S advent gifts…. This morning’s was nail polish but I’ve had new perfume, an eye liner and L’Occitane hand cream which is £17 alone!!

It’s been the best gift. I might ask for an advent calendar for my birthday every year 😂

Have a lovely Sunday evening and remember, we can handle everything this week throws at us.

It’s a busy one for me, working right up until 1pm on Christmas Eve. 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Another busy day in the life…… we woke to a very light dusting of snow which had frozen over! It was like an ice rink out there!

The road was like glass.

Thankfully Craigie was driving this morning. I don’t know that I would have driven if I was going on my own.

The nervousness/anxiety hung around yesterday, to the point that I actually looked up heart palpitations. Sure enough they are a possible side effect of HRT in the first few months.

I feel a bit better about it knowing it’s just that, but it’s still a horrible feeling. I’ve had them again today but not as bad as yesterday, thankfully.

The Farm was good this morning. It was all indoors apart from one exercise. He had salted around the door so it wasn’t icy!! The temperature really picked up when we were there and when you stepped outside to do the outdoor exercise, 2°C felt positively tropical!

Craig showed me a YouTube clip of people stuck on a road in Gloucester before I went out to work today. Folk were all over the road, in their cars, vans and buses. due to the ice and snow. I started to cry as I watched it!! What’s that all about?!?

To be fair there was a black camper van involved and it could be that the whole scenario is my worst nightmare. I felt really sorry for everyone involved….

I left for the little gift shop feeling really nervous….. yet our roads were fine by that time.

Anyway, I’m waffling. Work was busy…. Lots of Christmas cards being bought today and a good few men are shopping now.

Gayle let me go as few minutes early as I had the Crochet Hookers Christmas lunch at 4pm. The waited for me to finish work.

We had a lovely meal at the Gateside Inn. Lots of great chatter and did a Secret Santa!

It’s 8.30pm and I’m just home. I’m shattered now. Had a lovely day!

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼

What a stunningly beautiful day. 💙

I took a holiday today as I could see it was the last day of freezing cold sunshine for the foreeable future. The calm before the storm.

I set the alarm for 8.30am….. I was woken by Craig’s alarm at 5.45am. 😳

He slept on.

I did not….. 😳

So, I knew I wanted to see as much of the lovely day but also wanted to pick up some Christmas presents, my head started on that plan at 5.46am. 🙄😬

Today I enjoyed the good stuff….. I decided to head up to our local Barcraig’s Reservoir, for sunrise.

Now I should say here, there was a LOT of overthinking between 5.46am and 8am when I decided to leave…. What if the single track roads are really icy? Didn’t put the windscreen cover on Abbie, what if I can’t get her clear in time? What if I can’t get parked? What if I don’t go to the right place and miss the sunrise. I’m really nervous for some reason.

I fought through all of that and was still nervous until I actually got parked and jumped out the van, without any hiccups.

This is where I parked.

And this is what I find……

All of sudden there’s a ruckus over the water…. The geese are “chattering”…. And top goose says “c’mon guys, we’re aff” (they’re Scottish geese obviously!)

That was the most amazing experience. If you’ve access to FB, pop into my page for the video clips I shared. The noise!!!

The sun is just about to rise. The only sounds are the geese and planes taking off from Glasgow Airport. (The geese were not taking off from the airport obviously!) There’s a hum of traffic from a distant Glasgow. It’s so crisp and clear that sound carries so clearly.

Wow. I can honestly feel the warmth from the sun already. My toes are numb, my fingers are almost sore. My gloves are on and off like a yo-yo, so I can take photos. 😆

It’s been so worth the wait.

I then go for a wander.

We live in a beautiful world when we actually take the time to stop and look around. I’m blown away by the beauty.

Abbie the Campervan nestled under the trees. Check the colour on the bush in the middle of the pic. The sun is just touching it.

The frost is so thick.

Now two suns!

Now almost 3… with a plane flying directly overhead. What a view they must have!

I finally dragged myself away about 9.30am.

I can’t tell you how good that makes me feel. The calm, the peace, the solitude and the beauty just blows me away. I’m so proud of myself for fighting the doubt and so grateful that it was just that special.

I head to Starbucks for a Caramel Waffle Coconut Latte… with whipped cream. Yeah, I get the irony… 😆

I forget to order decaf…..

I spent the next few hours wandering around the shops. I didn’t get much but even the car park was lovely in that frosty sun!

I came home for a bite of lunch with Craig and then we headed down to Portencross for sunset.

I am so nervous it’s unreal. My stomach is churning and the nerves create a pain in my chest. Why do I feel so bad? It’s like I’ve lost confidence in my driving completely. Have I lost confidence in Abbie the Campervan, who’s running better than she has all year?

I struggle to see in the low sun glare, the windscreen gets covered in salt spray pretty quickly and the windscreen washers are too icy to work. When it’s darker the headlights dazzle me, I just feel a bit out of my depth.

It could be the double shot of caffeine from Starbucks, but I was nervous when I woke up too so that’s maybe only exacerbated it.

Strange. A new one to be explored.

Anyway, we had a lovely time once I got us there.

We walked out to my usual bit in the rocks.

Craigie took over the photography for a minute 😂

When I suddenly realised the tide was coming up between my legs!!!

Time to move back!

All too quickly the sun was down.

Thought this cloud looks like a mushroom or jellyfish?! 🍄

My sun rose at 8.53am and set at 3.32pm. A quick day!

Then I went to get my nails done…. Yup I’m knackered writing it!

I’ve had a lovely time. I don’t understand the nerves (which are still churning!) but I’m sure they will pass as soon as I get my Christmas onesie on and settle down for the night…. (Yes the Christmas onesie needs washed soon!!)

Stay safe everyone 🌅❄️☀️

Minus 10°C this morning. It is another level of cold from the last few days.

Craig started both cars before we left for the Farm at 5.30am. I say this as this is perfectly normal… it’s a horrific carbon footprint for us both to drive separately, but I go straight into work after the workout and a shower, so don’t head back home.

We were awake at 4.25am but I had turned the lights out at 8.30pm last night. I slept like a log all night again. The bedroom is freezing but the bed is toasty. I wish I was there now.

Since we were pretty sharp this morning, I decided to stop at the cheap diesel garage in Stewarton again.

This time the pump started to pour diesel over the forecourt as it loaded the van. I put my finger under it to check it wasn’t water. Nope. Diesel. Like it was ever going to be anything else. 😂

I popped in to say to the lady, then had to move pumps. Then tried to pay with a card that didn’t have enough in the account.

By this time we were late for the Farm. 😂😂

It was baltic….. normally you heat up when you’re moving but I was very aware of the biting cold every time I waved a limb around the gym. My face and teeth (random!) were sore with the cold.

We did a Spartan 300 workout this morning.

The challenge is to do all of that in 11 minutes. I mean all of that before the 50 burpees at the end…. Even that was gonna be hard. I managed it in 15 minutes 40 seconds. It was tough going. One guy managed it in 9.5 mins. Amazing!

The shower was very cold, then blistering hot, then very cold as if the temperature was playing havoc with the water flow.

All worth while in the silence when I pull down the shutter and leave for work (without the head torch today dammit!!)

Painfully cold 🥶 but incredibly peaceful.

Unfortunately, the guy who puts my wee heater on, forgot today. 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄😬 he does it religiously… forgets when it’s -10°C 😂😂

The wee fan heaters took an hour to heat the room so I kept my coat on until 9.30am. Everyone is cold today.

So we’ve had a burning smell since yesterday morning…. We’ve sniffed and touched everything and not found the source of it… until today.

Of course it’s the plug in the wall where everything runs out of. Of course we never actually moved the desk to get behind it to check that plug. Until today.

We were very lucky the smell was so strong that we didn’t let it go. So we spent 3 hours today rewiring and moving the office around!

So I’m actually taking a holiday tomorrow and was frantically trying to get my ducks in a row today… 3 hours of office move was not in my plan. 😂 Still we moved it around, had a clean and a clear out and it looks much better.

I’ve brought the Christmas lights home with me though, as I reckon the limited sockets could do without a set of Christmas lights to power.

I followed Craig up the road home tonight…. Pointing out our horrific carbon footprint again… he had a client south of my work and just so happened we left at almost exactly the same time. It’s funny when that happens.

So crochet is cancelled tonight as we have our Christmas lunch on Friday so I have a dog behaviour enquiry call to make tonight at 7.30pm. My first in about a year and a half. Then feet up and relax in between hanging washing and doing the dishes. 😂

Stay warm and safe everyone ❄️❄️❄️

I had the best sleep last night. I slept all night and could hardly wake at the alarm. I felt really refreshed.

I saw this on FB and shared it first thing. Read it slowly.

I’ve thought about this all day.

I would never have taken the time to read this or even digest it, in the past.

I wore my “busyness” as a badge of honour. I was so proud of the fact I never stopped…I left the house at 6.15am and got home by 6.30pm at the very earliest. I was actually really proud of myself for being the last to leave some nights. I’d still be looking at my phone and answering emails after work.

I was a very busy fool.

I am so grateful that I got to stop, look around and listen for a few years.

This moment right here… this is your life. This is it.

It’s not the holiday you are looking forward to. Not the regrets that you have about the past. But here. Now. Right now. This is your life and it’s up to you to choose what you make of it.

You chose how you react to difficult situations in your life. You take control of your present moment and make it what you want it to be.

Stop. Breathe in that freezing cold air outside and be present. (put a coat on!!)

This is one of the nicest times of the year. Marvel at all the twinkling lights, the festivities and the buzz that people have before Christmas, because all too soon it will be 2023 and we will wonder where 2022 went. We never get another shot at the 13th December 2022.

This is also something for us women to think about whenever anyone takes a photo over Christmas…. 📸

Craig had an amazing day today…. He had an unexpected day off and I came home to the fire on, all the candles lit, dinner ready, all the wood stores filled with freshly chopped wood and a happy smiling boy. He could have lazed about all day but he chose to make it worthwhile.

Anyway…. Check me waxing lyrical like some kind of zen master. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 (For those of you who know me well…. Do as I say, not as I do. 😂😂)

Here are some of our lights..

We’re not having a tree this year in an effort to save money but we’re enjoying the lights and candles instead.

I wore so many layers to work today! It was -6°C when I left for work. A real heavy frost.

I love walking out to this Christmassy scene.

Just been out the back with the dogs and the cold takes your breathe away. Wish us luck for the Fit Body Farm in the morning…. ❄️❄️❄️

Stay warm and safe everyone ❄️❄️❄️

We’ve had a high of 0°C today (32°F). It’s been breathtaking outside.

It’s still so beautiful. The early morning frost is very thick and not a cloud in the sky at sunrise this morning.

We left the Christmas lights on overnight, by mistake… you’d think we had money to burn?!? 😂

The Fit Body Farm had gritted yesterday, but the paths had turned to ice by this morning. We got to work out indoors today but don’t reckon the temperature was much higher than outside.

It was a great workout but a few too many core holds for my minor stomach cramps’ liking. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Amazing colours when I left but I was so grateful to Craig for running back into the farm to leave me his head torch. It’s really dark when I leave and it really helps to see the ice before you slip on it!

As I stand here, there’s no sound. Nothing. Only peace and tranquility. It’s bitterly cold. I don’t my jacket or gloves on… but I could stand her all day and soak up the peace and those amazing colours.

I could have so easily stayed in bed today and missed this. I was almost begging Craig (in my on head!) to say he didn’t want to go… I had every excuse thought out. That I owed myself the rest.

Yet I went…. Had a good workout and saw all this. All before work!!

Work was busy as usual and actually passed in a flash. It’s almost dark again but the time I leave.

I went straight to Sports Direct to try and get my wetsuit changed. (remember the zip had burst last Sunday after only being worn once?!)

Craig’s been dealing with them online and getting nowhere so I thought a face to face would help.

It would appear not.

The retail outlet can’t take an online return.

The agreed the zip shouldn’t have broken so early on, agree that dealing with online is a nightmare, they gave me a phone number and wished me luck. 🍀

I think I might go straight to Trading Standards. 😂 a bit dramatic but hey I’m hormonal, it’s allowed.

I called mum on the way home from work and felt like I just moaned at her for ages. I actually ended the call by apologising and telling her I wasn’t feeling anywhere near as bad as I sounded!! 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 I was just in a right mumph… whatever that even is. I’m tired and hungry. 🙄

So I am home cooking leek and pesto pasta for dinner as I type this. Multitasking at its best. (There were times at work today when I couldn’t remember anything… it was comical… I looking up a customer in our system to find an invoice but… was actually going a google search….. 😳 it made me laugh!)

I’m going to be taking on some dog behavioural calls again for the next wee while to help out. Julie 3 jobs 😳 the blog might be a wee bit short on those days! Shame writing the blog doesn’t pay the bills 😆

Stay warm and safe everyone ❄️❄️❄️

Yup it’s here. My wonderful monthly cycle has arrived about a week or two late but hey, explains the tearfulness and the winter nesting.

I woke up a niggling cramp first thing this morning. It went away once I got up and started on the housework.

It’s another beautiful day and the sun is shining. I got most rooms cleared out and all the “junk” put back to where it belongs. It felt really good to be cleaning in my Christmas onesie. 😂

I cleaned the windows in the low winter sun. They were filthy! We can see out again!

Of all the flowers I got for my birthday, the white roses are still going strong. Thats 3 weeks now.

I had one bouquet of only white roses and some in another white and pink bouquet. The pink ones have died but I’ve joined the white ones together. They are beautiful.

I also finally disposed of my 50th birthday balloons.

At about 2pm I took Calaidh a walk up the hill. The sun is stunning.

She’s running around up there while I take photos and suddenly Rachel, two doors down, appears at wound the bend.

Calaidh and Nacho had lots of fun running around.

Calaidh always does this… jumps the wall and is waiting for basically…. nothing! She obviously expects me to throw something…. S’no happenin’ 😂

I stopped back in the house and picked up Freya. We went for another walk around the Gateside loop.

The setting sun was stunning.

I wanted to go to the beach for sunset but just not enough to actually do it. Plus the dogs needed walked.

As we headed home we saw Craig walking towards us with Bhruic! We got a wee pic!

I started typing…. So, if that was the weekend then we’ve had it….. what a negative thing to say, I’ve had a lovely relaxing weekend.

It may not have been what it was meant to be but it was lovely nonetheless. I missed the Tartan Christmas night out on Friday and the Fit Body Farm Christmas night out yesterday.

Both of them were at Golf Fang in Glasgow and I never got there yet. It was my choice. I’m not over the moon with my choice but it felt right at the time.

So here’s to a lovely week for you all…. Oh and Craig put our outside lights up!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I fell asleep on the couch last night at 7.30pm and woke up after 9pm. Couldn’t keep my eyes open. I drifted off again and finally went through to bed about 9.35pm. Rock n’ roll huh!

I am still sad that I missed out but I glad that I did what felt right at the time.

I slept like a log u til 5.18am.

I was up, showered and out with Calaidh by 8am.

There was a super heavy frost overnight and it was bitterly cold… again!

The sun wasn’t due to rise until 8.37am.

Here comes my girl. I love waking her on her own. She’s so good, has a good run around but always comes back when I call her.

The farm looks lovely in the morning sky and frost… this is not THE farm. Just A farm. 😂

It’s so peaceful. Not a sound. I’m so glad I came out.

The moon is still huge in the sky.

Here she comes again.

There’s a really heavy frost but it’s beautiful.

Here’s Calaidh with Beith in the background, and Goat Fell on the Isle of Arran peaking up over the hills in the distance.

I had Gavin from Smith Sounds coming to the house, before work, to fix the reversing camera in Abbie the camper van.

So another £188 thrown at her and I can now reverse without hitting lampposts…. Ok correct that… I can still hit lampposts but at least I might see them before I hit them. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Craig had to drop me at work so Gavin could work on the van.

Work was really busy which is always lovely. That shop really is therapy for my soul. I love chatting away to the customers.

Then it happened…. I don’t know why we make such a big thing about it…. But it snowed!!! Like about 10 flakes… but we all got a wee bit excited! 😂

Mum and dad live an hour and half away, and they have snow already.

Ours literally lasted like 5 minutes, if that!

So Gayle very kindly gave me a lift home.

No rest for the wicked… back out with the gruesome twosome!

It’s much cloudier now and raining.

And then finally I can relax. It’s my weekend… it used to be 3 full days and now it’s 1 and a half but I think I’m so much better for it. Keeping busy has really helped me and yet there are times when I just know I need to rest. This weekend is one of them.

There have been no tears today which is a huge bonus. I’m calm, relaxed and have sat in front of the fire watching movies… 17 Dresses and I’m now on The Wedding Daye…. Cheesy love films. ♥️

I can’t find anything Christmassy so have gone with cheese instead!

Craig’s out with the village woodcutters and I’m going to start looking through my meagre purchases to see what I have and start thinking about what I actually need.

I’m hearing joyful shouts all over from those who have “finished their wrapping and are ✅“…. You know who you are. 😆😘 I’m nowhere near done but that’s ok. I still have a whole lot of days to get organised and plenty time for wrapping.

NO NEED TO PANIC!!!!!! 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I fell asleep on the couch last night at 7.30pm and woke up after 9pm. Couldn’t keep my eyes open. I drifted off again and finally went through to bed about 9.35pm. Rock n’ roll huh!

I am still sad that I missed out but I glad that I did what felt right at the time.

I slept like a log u til 5.18am.

I was up, showered and out with Calaidh by 8am.

There was a super heavy frost overnight and it was bitterly cold… again!

The sun wasn’t due to rise until 8.37am.

Here comes my girl. I love waking her on her own. She’s so good, has a good run around but always comes back when I call her.

The farm looks lovely in the morning sky and frost… this is not THE farm. Just A farm. 😂

It’s so peaceful. Not a sound. I’m so glad I came out.

The moon is still huge in the sky.

Here she comes again.

There’s a really heavy frost but it’s beautiful.

Here’s Calaidh with Beith in the background, and Goat Fell on the Isle of Arran peaking up over the hills in the distance.

I had Gavin from Smith Sounds coming to the house, before work, to fix the reversing camera in Abbie the camper van.

So another £188 thrown at her and I can now reverse without hitting lampposts…. Ok correct that… I can still hit lampposts but at least I might see them before I hit them. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Craig had to drop me at work so Gavin could work on the van.

Work was really busy which is always lovely. That shop really is therapy for my soul. I love chatting away to the customers.

Then it happened…. I don’t know why we make such a big thing about it…. But it snowed!!! Like about 10 flakes… but we all got a wee bit excited! 😂

Mum and dad live an hour and half away, and they have snow already.

Ours literally lasted like 5 minutes, if that!

So Gayle very kindly gave me a lift home.

No rest for the wicked… back out with the gruesome twosome!

It’s much cloudier now and raining.

And then finally I can relax. It’s my weekend… it used to be 3 full days and now it’s 1 and a half but I think I’m so much better for it. Keeping busy has really helped me and yet there are times when I just know I need to rest. This weekend is one of them.

There have been no tears today which is a huge bonus. I’m calm, relaxed and have sat in front of the fire watching movies… 17 Dresses and I’m now on The Wedding Daye…. Cheesy love films. ♥️

I can’t find anything Christmassy so have gone with cheese instead!

Craig’s out with the village woodcutters and I’m going to start looking through my meagre purchases to see what I have and start thinking about what I actually need.

I’m hearing joyful shouts all over from those who have “finished their wrapping and are ✅“…. You know who you are. 😆😘 I’m nowhere near done but that’s ok. I still have a whole lot of days to get organised and plenty time for wrapping.

NO NEED TO PANIC!!!!!! 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow it’s 9.43am and I feel I may have peaked already. I woke at 4am so only had 6 hours sleep.

This was the first thing I saw…

I needed to see that. Did as I was told. 😬😂

It’s a beautiful day now the sun is up. It feels like we never get a run of blue skies and sun like this in the summer! I guess we do. We just forget.

I had 4 layers on at the Farm and we were outside for a lot of it…. Running. 😳

Hat on, hat off, gloves on, gloves off.

There was no sunrise by the time I left, it was still dark.

I was fighting a negative head. My inner voice was trying to belittle me, make me nervous of driving in the dark, listening for every noise in the van, squinting in the poor headlights…. I felt a bit of a wobble.

At the same time I watched a bird fly across the road in front of me. A bird of prey. Wow. As it landed on a fence post by the side of the road it turned its big white OWL head towards me!!! I have never seen an owl in the wild.

I exclaimed all kinds of gratitude to anyone that would listen. 😂 That’ll teach you inner voice. You put me down, I give you an owl.

Yeah ok…. That made no sense but you know what I’m getting at!

When I got home I had to sit around for a bit before dog walk as it was still dark then too. Sadly we’ve had reports of a guy walking around our local area, taking photos of folk walking their dogs, so I didn’t want to go in the dark as I might have done last week.

As soon as it started getting light, I headed up the hill with Bhruic and Freya.

By this time I have 5 layers on as I’ve put by Dry Robe on on top of everything else. I look massive and it’s still freezing!

I got some beautiful shots though. the colours were amazing.

If you zoom in on this next one you’ll see Freya is a tiny dot on the horizon!

Back home to swap for Calaidh and by this time the sun has risen.

Check the shadow of me in my dry robe! I actually met one of my neighbours as he came round the bed at the top! Hope he never saw my ridiculous posing. 😂

Calaidh pupper posing in the sun.

Loved the next dew frosty scenes.

And these next two were taken on separate dog walks!

By the time I got back home, I had an hour to get ready for the little gift shop… AND I had to pack for my Christmas night out with Tartan Campers. No pressure. Finally figured out what I was going to wear, had my shower, did my hair and extra make up and set off.

I’ve been pretty tearful today. My eyes have been welling up on and off all day.

The shop was really busy, which was great…. But I knew deep down that I wasn’t feeling up to a night out.

They were all meeting at 2.45 and I wouldn’t have got there until 5. I’d have to drive into Glasgow. I’d not be drinking. Then we’d move from the first place into the city and what would I do with the van (with no reversing camera?) I was upset at the bought of going and I was more upset at the thought of cancelling.

We were so busy that Gayle said I’d I wasn’t going she could use me to stay on for the last hour. Decision made.

So I’m back home in a very cosy Christmas onesie. I feel sad that everyone’s out enjoying themselves and I’m not there. But, I am very cosy and tired sitting here now. I’m glad I did what felt right.

So to end with a smile. Scotland’s gritters are out in force tonight. They are all named. You can follow them on a map to see where they all are!!

Only in Scotland 😂😂😂

Stay safe everyone 🥶☀️🥶

Day 975 feels like a bit of a milestone. Only 25 days to the big 1000. 😳

Who’d a thunk it?!

It was -1.5°c when I got out to Abbie the camper van this morning. The guys at work said it was -5°C when they left the house. It’s super cold but the days are stunning. I’m looking forward to a sunny Sunday as the forecast is lovely for the next few weeks at the moment. I say lovely…. Very cold and crisp but sunny!

I slept right through to 6.19am which felt really good. I’m off the progesterone for the next fortnight now. I have reminders in my phone but I’m surprising myself with the clarity of it. I still have brain fog and forgetfulness but it’s definitely improving. I feel way more in control of the terror I used to find myself in.

All of that said….. I opened number 9 on my M&S Advent Calendar this morning.

Today is only the 8th. 😳

Ellison had asked if I could keep the boxes for her sister to use at school next year, but I knew I’d already burned some in the fire. Never thought to keep it and make an advent for someone next year.

This morning I went to retrieve some boxes to see what I could salvage.

Lo and behold I find empty box number 13. 😳 It’s still only the 8th…. Goodness only knows what I thought I was opening when I picked up 13?!?!? So far I’ve had some lovely gifts.

I guess day 13 must have been the exceptional mini Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturiser mini… today I also got a lovely Autograph lip tint. (none of these are in the pic!)

I’ve decided to try and up my fluid intake at work but drinking some flavoured teas. Now I’m not a fan of a herbal tea but it’s too cold to drink lots of cold water and I only have caffeine coffee in the office just now. I took Super Green Tea and Peppermint out the cupboard this morning. Also a Pukka Chai Tea bag.

They kept me warm and stopped me feeling hungry.

So I wrote this as lunchtime and since then I’ve have a couple of great van handovers today AND finally started my Christmas shopping. Check me. It felt right.

Now don’t get me wrong…. I’ve done Tesco, Primark and Aldi…. For those of you in the UK you will realise it wasn’t the most salubrious and expensive Christmas shopping but things are tight this year so I am going to adapt. I love a Christmas gift made up of bits and bobs.

The cashier in Tesco told me she would be totally panicking if she hadn’t started her shopping until today. No need to panic… 😆

It’s still very cold, so the windscreen washers on the van are frozen….. so I’m trying to peer through a salted up windscreen. It’s dark, the headlights are all glaring and I’m trying hard to see….. snd then there’s the reversing camera not working…. It works when I least need it and doesn’t work when I do need it the most.

I really enjoyed my wee trip… despite all that.

Until I tried to reverse in the Aldi car park…. The camera screen completely black and someone desperately waiting to get past me.

I felt the bump and my heart plummeted. I pulled forward and looked around. The guy next to me had his window down and didn’t even look at me, so I figured I hadn’t hit a car. … it was a lamppost.

The adrenaline left me shaking like a leaf. That must have been about 6pm. It’s now 8.10pm and I just don’t feel right. My heart is racing and I’m tearful as soon as I write these words. I feel so very overwhelmed. Tears spilled over now.

What the hell is wrong with me. I’m very hard on myself, I know.

I got a fright. A big fright. I thought I’d hit someone’s car and someone was gonna go nuts at me. I thought it was gonna cost me a fortune. Catastrphizing at its best.

As I drove home, I hear a few noises that I think are dogs barking outside the van, I feel like I’m skidding in the road. I’m already going slow but I slow down even more. I hear the noise again. It still sounds like dogs barking in the distance. By the time I get home I’m feel all over the place.

It’s actually a physical pain. My heart is beating out my chest and I feel very sad.

Watch this space, I’ll wake up in the morning and my period will have started…. And all will be well with the world 😆

Anyway… I’ll head to bed soon as sleep it off!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

What an amazing start to the day. The FBF Workout of the year. It encourages people back to the Farm, across today and tomorrow, to take part in this challenge.

I cannot stress this enough. I LOVE these team workouts. I felt on top of the world at the end of it. Helped out by the fact that me shooting a basket, literally 2 seconds before the lovely Linda next to me, meant my team won this morning!

The other guys had done all the hard work. Cathy was amazing on the battle ropes just before me. The teams were neck and neck all the way. That feeling of everyone watching you, your team routing for you and you hit your basket, is amazing. ♥️

I should also point out that there are icy puddles outside and we’re outside shooting hoops before 7am. I hear myself, it’s crazy.

I’m must admit that I don’t really feel that kind of excitement much in my new, calm and chilled out life.

Even after my amazing 50th birthday I reckon the last time I had that much fun was the day out on the Waverley Paddle Steamer. The high is addictive.

That’s not to belittle my birthday at all. I think there’s a different pressure there, not wanting to turn 50 and being a nervous centre of attention is very different.

I don’t drink anymore so I don’t have that longing for a night out like I used to have.

Snapshot this nugget from a video clip!

Here’s the team photo Gavin from FBF shared on FB , a good turnout from the 6am crew!!

I’m rambling now but you get the drift.

I was awfy happy after that workout 🏋🏻‍♀️ 😂

The sunrise was amazing again this morning. I know you just be sick of seeing it by now. 😂

Love the reflections in the van.

I’ve said it before but will never stop being grateful for the beautiful surroundings that we get to work out in. I love that it’s all over before I’ve even had time to think about it!

It was still lovely when I got to Tartan HQ. The vans were all super frosty.

It’s been another good day at work. Cold, but I was ready for it!

Ellison brought me in lentil soup for lunch! How lovely was that. I heated it up in the van.

Unfortunately the diesel heater didn’t work so I was freezing, apart from the soup! It was 9°C inside the van today as there was no sun. I’m back on the diesel heater FB forum to see what else I can do with it.

Was a weeeeeee bit miffed that my new found diesel heater knowledge was no damn use to me today!!

Anyway, it’s another chance to learn something else about them, she says, through gritted teeth.

I’m home having dinner before the Crochet Hookers meet at 6.30. I have the back door open for the dogs and the cold is really creeping into my bones. It’s a full moon tonight. It was huge in the sky when I left work.

Todays been another good day. I’m off out to try the diesel heater again. Wish me luck.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I set about everything with a much warmer outlook today. 😆

I wore a thicker jumper, a hat, scarf and gloves from the outset and it seems to have done the trick. I was ready for anything the cold threw at me.

I set my alarm for 15 minutes earlier today, so I could drive to a cheap petrol station on the way to work. I realise the irony of that. Drive further to save a few pence….

I had to scrape Abbie the Campervan for the first time this year.

Now remembering I am only 5ft 4 inches, this is about as much of the windscreen as I can clear.

Did I remember Craig had given me a homemade de-icer to try??

No, I did not… I whapped my lunch bag down on top of it and completely forgot it was on my passenger seat.

Just as well I got up early. I had to sit for about 10 minutes until I could see enough to drive.

So ALL the way to the petrol station and the nice lady said I had enough Nectar points to save 5p a litre. Thank you very much lovely lady. (Yes I know probably still not worth the extra 10 mile drive but hey….)

The office was warmer as boss man left the heating on low last night which took the edge off the metal portacabin chill… and of course I was dressed like Nanook of the North (whoever that is?!)

I headed out to Abbie for lunch today as the sun was splitting the cold skies. Abbie was toasty warm in the sun, so I made soup and toasted my wrap.

By 3.50pm the sun was almost down.

As I ooohed and aaahed at the sunset, boss man sarcastically pointed out how lovely the moon was…. Methinks he was making fun of me 🤣🤣🤣 little does he realise I took s photo of it as it was stunning! Full moon tomorrow!

The van was all misted up again, when I left work, so I decided to try and fix my diesel heater as the boys are so busy, I am determined to get it going.

I tried to get the top off it to change the temperature sensor and it didn’t work. Only because I couldn’t actually get the top off, of course. 🤣

So I took this photo and posted on a FB forum where they gave me options to try and it worked straight away!!!!

I am soooo chuffed. The forum is great and has loads of experts on it… I may be using them again. I’ve been sitting outside the house in my jammies, hat, gloves and jacket and the diesel heater is pumping away nicely!!

I also came home to a lovely 50th birthday gift from my friend Aileen. We met about 1995 when we worked in Panasonic together. That’s nearly 30 years…. Wow!

I tried to take a photo, it’s the middle one! I love having a couple of necklaces on at once and these sit perfectly together.

So I’ve had a really good day today. I’m feeling quite excitable for some reason, which is quite rare. I did have a caffeine coffee at about 10.30am. Could be that 😂😂

It’s so nice to feel confident and happy. No tears on the progesterone this month and I stop it again tomorrow for 2 weeks.

Back in the house now. Fire on, candles lit and the puppers looking for a tennis ball to be thrown, as usual. Watching The Handmaid’s Tale again.

All is well.

AND MY DIESEL HEATER IS WORKING!!!!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’ve been soooooo cold today, I’ve not been able to get a heat.

I say that, all wrapped up in Christmas jammies and a crochet blanket and I feel pretty cosy now.

Its only been about 5°C which is not as cold as it’s going to be for the rest of this week. I just had such a chill that my 4 layers of clothes didn’t touch it. Must look out my thermals for tomorrow and see if that helps. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

It was very dark when I left the Farm this morning but still really atmospheric.

This is a selfie I took…..

That’s how dark it was!!

Ellison and I were both dressed in Christmas penguin jumpers today.

I put my hat on about 10.30 and it made such a difference. I wore it the rest of the day!

It’s 5th December already. I have lovely foamy face wash, hair volumising shampoo, nail varnish and a couple of other things from my lovely birthday gift advent calendar.

I used the foamy face wash at the Farm this morning. I didn’t take my shower gel with me. As the foamy face wash foamed up like a foamy thing, I gave it a quick wheech round in place of shower gel.

It is Eucalyptus and Pine. 😳

Eucalyptus is minty. 😳

Never washed anything off so fast!!!! what a fright! 🤣

On a lighter note, Wonder Doodles is a lovely page on FB. They are posting lovely advent messages, I don’t often see them until I’ve already published the blog.

It was a lovely night when I left Tartan but dark by the time I got home.

I’ve been a machine since I got home… I say that, a machine by own on terms, not anyone else’s. I put together lasagne that Craig had started.

Then I hoovered the house. Been meaning to do it for a few days now and it felt good to get it down.

I’ve sat down and got wrapped up, and am watching The Handmaid’s Tale. I never got through season 5 so I’m starting it again, now that my heads in a better place. It’s very intense! 😂

So I know it’s early days, about 6 weeks since I’ve been on HRT, but I have to say that I am feeling pretty good these days.

Other then the overeating (which I’m very aware of, and trying to stop) I really have no adverse reactions to it.

I’m not going to count my chickens just yet but it feels good to be finding my way back.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

First things first…. Wild sea swimming this morning with Ellison and Eileen…. Did not happen because my wetsuit zip burst only 2nd time of wearing!!! I was gutted…

I took it all off again… no mean feat, and tried everything I could to get it zipped back up. Short of cutting the material and stitching it back up, there was nothing I could do.

There’s no way I could go in without it, remembering the freezing cold feet on Tuesday.

I sat about in my swimming costume for about 5 or 10 minutes trying to decide what to do. My alarm had gone off at 7.15am and I had read this when I woke up…..

Seriously… people often ask me how I can manage to write a blog on a daily basis…. The content just throws itself at me. As upset as I am at not being able to go swimming, it doesn’t need to ruin my day. I could have gone and sat with a coffee and watched them, but I though I might find that harder. I jumped back into bed for a bit… and put the electric blanket on as I had just been sitting around in a swimming cozzie and it’s very cold and frosty today! 😂

We finally got up and had coffee. We decided to use some of my birthday vouchers and head out to Mocha Jak’s, a coffee shop near us for breakfast. Thanks to Claire’s mum and dad for them! We took Calaidh.

I had Avocado Toast with tattie scones, halloumi and a fried egg with siracha sauce and Craig had the Mama Mocha breakfast.

Calaidh was a good girl.

She had doggy sausages. She then posed perfectly while I was paying at the till.

We both noticed that the staff were not very welcoming this morning. There weren’t many smiles which seemed a bit sad but maybe they were just tired after a very busy day yesterday. There was a Craft Fayre that may have had the run off their feet…. Then FB threw me this….

So very true. I thanked them profusely for lovely food with big smiles!!

We went for a walk around Spiers Old School Grounds, having been there in ages. Got a photo of my favourite gate.

The better photo is really the wall next to my favourite gate 😂

Back home and dropped Calaidh off and picked up Bhru and Freya and took the for a good run.

There are no photos, other than this lovely sky.

It’s really cold out there today so I’m in leggings and a Christmas jumper wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. I may have a nap.

Just have to tell you about our wreath making last night. The little gift shop girls went wreath making at McConnells florist in Beith.

I love my wreath…. it’s on the front door already!

The girls all made stunning wreaths.

Aren’t they beautiful?!?

I found it surprisingly easy to do and I really enjoyed it. We had a lovely wee snack in the middle too with sandwiches and cakes.

I left the florist about 9pm to drive back to Kilmarnock to pick Craig up… saved me going home first.

I really don’t like driving in the dark anymore. I used to hear people say that and couldn’t understand it. I do now.

Other than not being able to see well , I was even scared waiting for him in the van. It’s ridiculous really.

We were home by about 10.15 and I went straight to bed as ho early for sea swimming…. Aka fighting with a wetsuit.

Rachel two doors down is working on the village Christmas tree today. It’s such a beautiful tree from the Gateside Plant Centre, but sadly a huge section of the lights are not working. She’s having to order new lights…. It still looks lovely.

So not much else to report from here. Other than putting the washing away I will be ignoring the rest of the housework needing done.

It’s not long now until more holidays. Woop woop!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It’s only 3.30pm and I’m having a lovely day. I had an amazing sleep. Woke up just after 4am and hadn’t even moved since 10pm. Managed to get back to sleep until 7.30am. Bliss.

I got stress get up andninto dog walking gear to walking the terrible trio before work.

It’s a lovely morning, it’s cool but not cold and dry. This is the sky at the bottom of the garden when we headed out.

The street was really quiet. I love being up and out when everyone else is still asleep.

It just got better.

The colours were just out of this world. I felt so lucky to be out there instead of stressing about waking all three dogs at once.

I never met a soul. Just me and the three degrees. 😂 These markings in the sky were really interesting. Wondered what caused it?

The road was really super muddy for some reason, so the dogs were filthy. I let them have a paddle in the burn. No meant dear down a hill on their leads. I did stay standing up straight 😂

The photos look fake but honestly there was no filter used. A morning like this fills me with so much joy. I feel bursting with excitement just looking at the sky.

I “think” this one shows the moon and two plane trails which seemed very close together.

Now in true Julie fashion, I bring you back down to earth with a bump, to tell you that through all this beauty the pups were pooping like no tomorrow and my poo bags kept splitting… I had to try and wrap each one as best I could, an honestly I do think I do pretty well in the circumstances. So many people seem to leave them out on the country roads. I ended up having to put them wrapped up in my pocket… 🤦🏻‍♀️😆 I was lucky that no poop escaped but still… brings some reality to the beautiful moment 💩😆

The little gift shop was great today…. Super busy. I love it when it’s so busy. So many lovely people buying Christmas cards and gifts. Lots of chat which you know I love.

There was also cake! (Bought from Gro Coffee last night!)

Back up the road and had to take Craig to Kilmarnock as he had an afternoon/night out with the boys.

I made him take this photo as I drove. It doesn’t do it justice. The clouds looked like they were pouring down out of that circle shape. Unusual.

As I drove home there were loads of sheep on the road in front of me! The sound of Abbie grumbling along the road sent them charging back into the field any way they could. It felt quite powerful to watch them all find their way. 🐏🐏🐏😂

I’m now sitting watching The Grinch as I write this. Bhruic is watching the tv!

I had a lovely time at Gro with the Menopause Mates group, now aptly renamed as the menopause maniacs!

I picked up Kirstin, who lives nearby so at least we weren’t arriving alone, but there was no need to worry. It was so lovely to meet everyone we’ve been chatting to on Messenger. We all go to the Fit Body Farm, but different classes, so might not ever meet up. It was so lovely to meet with girls who are all going through the same things and have a good old chat about the menopause.

I had a huge peppermint slice. It was exquisite!

We sat next to this beautiful tree.

I only have about 2 hours before I head back out Christmas Wreath making with the little gift shop girls! Really looking forward to it.

I have to go back and retrieve Craigie (or Merlin the happy pig 🙄) whenever he’s ready for collection…. after my wreath making. He’s under strict instructions not to be too late as I have wild sea swimming at 9am tomorrow!

It’s all go but I am smiling. A lot!

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎅🏼🤶🏼