Today did not go at all as planned but my world did not fall apart.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I was awake for about 3 hours and ended up on the couch for a bit so I’m tired now and a bit lost for words. Doesn’t happen often eh?!

I’ve been calm most of the day. I’ve been ruffled a few times and felt the anxiety flutter but I’ve dealt with the situations as each one arose and dealt with them like a calm, normal person instead of flying off the anxiety spectrum.

That’s been such a relief. I love calm after a storm. The calm feels even better than you can imagine.

I’ve picked up some meditation to try again. Meditation has worked for me in the past and at the moment it feels like the next thing to try. I read that different things help different people at different times and that resonated with me.

My lovely in-laws were here when I got home tonight as they’d had a wee day out in Largs. Had a quick catch up with them in the village pub before heading home and getting into my comfies.

Early night for me!

Stay safe everyone 💜🧡💜

I’ve been struggling to find half my clothes in the bedroom…. Drawers have become messy and stuff seems to be hiding so I decided to do a wee spring clean and have a bag of clothes for charity to show for it!

Was really cathartic and I can be in the bedroom now without being overwhelmed by stuff being everywhere.

We store a fair bit of the camping gear in here so it can seem like a dumping ground if it’s not controlled. Jeez it’s all about the control in my world eh?!?

I had the drawers and wardrobe cleared before 11am. Pretty good going.

I hoovered the rest of the downstairs and even decided to do a wee mini service on the hoover. In a house with 3 dogs the hoover is never going to keep up…… we have the Shark and I’m sure I’ve said before that I’m I’m not impressed with it at all. However, maybe I don’t look after it….. so today I did!

The following pic is not for the faint hearted. This is the Shark Anti Wrap Hair Vacuum cleaner…..

So you’ll be pleased to know that’s all gone now and I took out all the filters and washed them, then cleaned out the inside of the hoover itself.

Craig then starts to empty out his car at the front door to…… uh oh…..yup you guessed it…. Start hoovering it out. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😂

The guts of the hoover were drying on the radiator….. 😬

I took Calaidh and Bhru up the hill for a walk but I’m feeling pretty shattered. It’s an effort. I feel exhausted but it’s been a long hard week of overthinking and I’m already pre-overthinking this week.

So yeah I need to stay in control this week and not overthink things. Everything is in place, it just needs doing and I am more than capable of doing it. I just need to remember that. I need to focus on being present in the moment and appreciating it.

Today is World Mental Health Day and I’m not quite certain what that means but at least it gets us talking about a mental health.

It’s important to talk about your feelings and not keep them bottled up. My chat overflows to anyone who will listen. 😂

So I came through to my clean and tidy and organised bedroom for a wee lie down. A wee chill. I shut the door. Bliss.

Somehow I seem to have been “sprung”…. Found out. 🐶🐶🐶

The bed is such a great vantage point for the comings and going’s from the village pub.

It’s really relaxing. 😳

So I think we all need that Sunday afternoon reminder that we’ve got what it takes to handle everything this week throws at us.

Here are some photos of the ivy from this morning that always makes me smile this time of the year. I used to sit and watch it change colour when I was off sick. It was a sign of time passing….

It’s just beautiful in the sunlight this morning.

So be like the ivy and show everyone your colours this week, be vibrant, bright and happy. True happiness is here and now. Stop and take a moment to appreciate being alive.

I know…. I hear myself. But it’s true.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Oooh I really have. ♥️

We had a lovely wee night last night. We are very quick to watch the next movie, the next TV series and binge watch of an evening and have done since lockdown began and probably long before that too.

We decided to have a cosy night in the sunroom last night. The wood burning stove has been cleaned out and it’s a lovely space to sit with the log burner on.

I didn’t finish the blog until after 8 but we sat till 11.30 listening to “heart songs”… songs that mean something on our life. We were singing away half the night. (The crazy, anxiety-ridden girl from a few days ago was just a memory….Albeit still a painful one).

I’m still emotional. There were tears through the songs but good tears, happy tears and memories and positive thoughts for the future.

I said the other day that I really need to make some peace with my anxiety. It’s easy to say when you’re not in the thick of it but I need to accept that it is a part of me and it’s what makes me me. I am passionate about anything that I do (as if you haven’t noticed…) I get obsessed by things being right…. That’s just it… it’s my version of what I think is right…. That’s not always possible and that’s not the end of the world. That is ok.

This next one is so true but at the same time if I appreciate the present moment then I have to believe that there’s no time like the present.

Humans naturally wait for the next “hit” of happiness. The next purchase, the next holiday, the next house etc… if we keep searching for the next thing then we will never be truly happy with what we already have.

I’m reading a new book…. just in case you wondered where all this wisdom was coming from?!? 🤣🤣

I was listening to Fearne Cotton’s Happy Place podcast and she interviewed Gelong Thubten. I got to work on Thursday and ordered his book straight away as he talks about how happiness is here and now in the present. Very like the Eckhart Tolle teachings I’ve been listening to.

Focus on the now. The present moment.

Check my new jammies for lounging around the house.

So back to the book…..

This is so true and I’ve never thought of that before now.

So my day so far…. Dog walk with Calaidh and Freya. Then dog walk with Bhru. It’s very wet!!!

I actually got stuck in a ditch walking Bhru… I threw the frisbee into a deep ditch and she looked at me with that look like she had no idea what I meant…. She was not going for it. I had to…….

Could I get back out?! Honestly where are all your dog walking buddies when you need them. I couldn’t find anything to pull up on to give me the humph out…. Ended up having to get both feet down in the ditch and crawl up and out on my hands and knees 🤦🏻‍♀️. Classy.

Claire popped in for a cuppa after I had my shower and then I took a wee drive down to Irvine for a wander round the shops… hence the newly purchased jammies.

I was only there for an hour or so. It was pretty busy and queued to get in and out the car park.

It’s still raining.

I’m gonna settle down for a nap now I think. Poor Craig’s working all day today so I reckon I have an hour and a half. Just enough time.

He called……. At 16.54….. woke me up… I booked back off and he is now home. Full of admiration for my new purple jammies…… 🤣🤣🤣 I’d only I could replicate his face when he saw me. I’m still giggling…. 🤷🏻‍♀️😂🤣

He says I look like blind Al from Deadpool….. nowI’m not gonna lie…. Even the back of the seat is the same as the new blanket I have on Grans chair….

I’m still sleepy. I’d normally be grumpy but I’m laughing. He says I need some big gold chains. 🤣🤣🤣

I’ve had another lovely wee day. I’m content. Happy on the moment. Still giggling at my jammies….

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Not gonna lie… the mood wasn’t the best this morning. My stomach cramps were sore so I took paracetamol. The good thing is I feel really calm though projected into orbit by random questions and discussions. For no reason. Totally me, my head and I. 🤯

However, I had a lovely wee day today.

The girl that used to paint my toes has been on maternity leave since October last year! She came back to work this week and I booked my toenails in as soon as I knew! It’s the only real beauty thing that I do. There’s something lovely about having your toes painted. I have a lovely plummy red colour today. I’ve tried and decided you don’t need the pic….. 💅🏼🤣

That only took a half hour so I headed up to Linwood as I was meeting an old friend for lunch. She’s not old…. Before you start… I’ve known her since we worked together in 2001-2002. I was very early so popped into Asda to pick up dinner while I waited.

I met Carol-ann at 12 at the Linwood Farm. Wait until you see the cakes…… oh my actual word.

So we had the loveliest lunch which Carol-ann stated was her shout before I even had a chance to say hello! Should say here that Carol-Ann made the lovely Lucky Teddy that she gave me last year because she thought I would love it. And I did and I do! Lucky lives in the living room on top of the drinks cabinet…. Well out the way of puppy jaws!

Anyway…. We’ve probably not met up since about 2016 I reckon so there was loads to catch up on!!!

Now for the cakes….

I want you to take some time to zoom in on these…. They are honestly about 30cm high. I have never seen cake like it.

We have a slice of the Mars Attack to share tonight…. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

After lunch I drove up to Braehead Shopping centre. I had an appointment for a free facial in Boots…. Not gonna lie, I thought it was a makeover but it was a facial. Now you’re in the middle of the shop… at the No7 stand…. But I had an hours worth of facial (stop it for those of you sniggering at that word… I know who you are)

For free.

So you would think… it’s gonna cost you. They’ll get you to buy everything they used. That was my fear.

Actually the girl gave me wee sample tubs of most of the things she used. One of the serums was £34.95 and I reckon she must have given me at least a £6 sample of it. I’m so impressed. I have it all to try at home.

For free!

Bumped into my neighbours mum and dad. So lovely to see them and have a wee chat. Within minutes we both messaged Claire to tell her we’d met each other and how lovely it was. I love that!

So back home and popped into the pub for a 0% Tanquery Gin and pink soda before dinner.

We’re having a lovely chilled out evening in the sunroom. Candles on, twinkly lights twinkling. We decided this morning we’d have a different night. I feel like I’ve spent most of it writing this so I gonna go and enjoy it. Time without tv. Priceless.

Time without anxiety. Absolute bliss. Heaven.

I need to learn to accept that sometimes I suffer from overwhelming anxiety. It skews my view of things. It’s on overreaction. It’s not the end of the world.

It’s just who I am.

Now I’m off to eat lots of cake and drink Nozeco!

Stay safe everyone 🥰🥰🥰

Wow…. She who avoids all kinds of drama has created some amount herself today. Apologies to everyone who got in the way. Wow.

It all went fine until about 11.30 then stand back world and watch out… the Tasmanian devil whirlwind was in full flow.

Jeez…. I really don’t want to be this person. Why do I have to overreact when things don’t go my way. The overwhelm really feels like it’s the end of the world. I drag everyone else down too.

I found this and honestly it explains my life almost word for word.

Now in my defence…. Sorry boys… girls stuff again but my period started today. Now I have always said it’s the one day of the month that I think I should stay curled up in bed. My already crazy emotions are WAY over the top today. Funny that kicked in around 11.30am too.

Leaving this here and hoping that I make tomorrow a better day. Focusing on the present moment and appreciating everything I have.

Stay safe everyone (out my way is probably safest 😆😘)

First of all I have to start by saying day 555…. Not sure if you ever noticed…. But in movies, when phone numbers are giving out they always have a “555” in them. Watch out for it… 🤣

So I managed a bit of a lie in today. I have to say the anxiety is canned thankfully and today I am calm. It’s like flicking a switch. I slept well…. Woke up to the sheets absolutely soaking in sweat at one point through the night. That’s a joy of getting older. I got up to the loo and by the time I came back it was like I was getting into a wet bed. 🤢🤮

Thankfully normal temperature was resumed but the time the alarm went off.

I didn’t go to the Fit Body Farm as I had been so tired last night. I was due to head into work before the hospital at 9.35, but I’d worked it all back and figured I’d manage about a half hour of work before I had to leave again. Made the decision to do some work here first and then head straight from home to the hospital. Didn’t get out of bed till 7.30am….. oooooh.

Just yesterday I looked at our Ivy and thought… I never get to see that in the sunlight these days….. ta dah.

I had to attend Ayrshire Central Hospital this morning.

It’s a beautiful morning and I feel so much better. Despite the fact I’m headed to get my lump checked out….

I mean listen to me….. the anxiety devil that’s been dwelling in me these last few days is a distant memory.

My appointment was at 9.35 and in true Julie fashion I arrive suitably early…. Parking was a nightmare so just as well I did. By 9.45 my initial examination was complete with a big pen circle ⭕️ drawn on right boob….

Dressed and back to the waiting room.

Then it’s off for the Mammogram. Oh joy, bliss, rapture. It’s a horrible contraption and I often think must be designed by a man. For those of you men with other halves, I’m sure you will have heard this already but they literally whap it out on a plastic shelf and being another plastic shelf down on top of it and squeeze it flat. “It might nip” she says…… “oooh this is the nippy bit” she says….. oh my actual god. It’s so painful.

I should say here that through every step today the nurses have been wonderful. They explain every single step of the way. Every touch and movement is talked through before they touch or move you. But wow. Each boob flattened top to bottom then as if that’s not enough then from side to side. For that one you have to stand at an angle with an arm up and holding onto the machine. A bit like this….

🤣🤣🤣🤣it looked nothing like that… I caught sight of myself at this point in a tv on the wall that was switched off…. Oh my word. I said “jeez I can see everything in that tv…. Wow… that’s some sight” they all laughed. You got to.

The nurse said the tv is usually on and shows stills of Scottish countryside…. She said like the Glenfinnan viaduct….. I WAS THERE ON SUNDAY. Something else to focus on.

Pretty quickly dignity is restored. But the pain lives on for most of the day to be honest… I’m still tender now.

So back out to the waiting room and in for the Ultrasound before the hour is up. A bit like this…..

🤣🤣🤣🤣 again nothing like it but you get the drift.

Ultrasound lady is quiet for a while but then more than happy. I have a lot of cysts… which some people just do have. She called it Swiss cheese. She said the new lump I’d found seems to have gone down a lot on it’s own and they don’t feel they need to do anything else. The aspiration of a cyst can be pretty straightforward but with the amount I have the pain of aspiration would outweigh the benefit. This is my third visit to a clinic since 2010. I’m getting an old hand at it but it’s always a relief to know it’s nothing more sinister.

I’m free to go!

Back to work.

Craig had made me a lovely lunch so I ate super healthy today.

Someone said to me today that maybe I think too much. You know… that’s bang on… I do. It’s hard to switch that off. Constantly analysing why things feel so bad as I guess by know I know that they shouldn’t.

I say this all the time but the calm after bad anxiety feels amazing.

I’m in my jammies with my feet up. I’ve cancelled my Crochet Hookers for tonight as I’m tired and Craig and I are having dinner together.

We’re cooking pizza… kind of from scratch. We’ll see how it goes!

Stay safe everyone 🍕🍕🍕

Jeeeeez I am soooooo tired. It’s that tiredness where you drag your knuckles around on the ground behind you and just moan about all the time about being tired. I am so tired I could hardly be bothered driving home. I’m too tired to put the bin bag out, funny how that’s the first thing that springs to mind.

So I’m home from work and jumped into bed to write this. Ahhhh that’s better.

Yesterday’s blog fell on deaf ears given the FB outage for the evening. Just as well as it was one of those…. I’m tired, I’ve been busy and I haven’t done anything exciting. 🤣🤣sounds just like today to be honest!

I’ve got loads of motivational things to share though which will help boost my mood just by looking at them!

My anxiety is really high at the moment. I’m chattering away to myself in my head all the time. It’s exhausting. I wake up in the early morning and start thinking and it doesn’t stop until I write the blog at night.

I tried some meditation last night to help me get to sleep and I honestly “chattered” all the way through it. There’s a bubbling under the surface. It’s like a breathlessness. Hard to describe. Its a anxiety that I just can’t seem to calm down. It’s been there since Sunday night.

So yeah everything above. I still doubt myself. So much. Over everything.

Yep that’s me hit the nail on the head. The tears are burning in ku eyes as I write this.

I’m so scared I let everyone down.

That’s what anxiety does. It tells you that you’re not good enough. It tells you that you’re gonna fail. That you can’t do anything right. That it’s only a matter of time before I let everyone down.

I know that I’m better than that but somehow wallowing in the anxiety is easier than moving on from it.

I just need to find some way to stop it. The rest and relaxation helps. Writing about it helps.

No exciting adventures today and no stunning photos. Just finally feeling calm and relaxed and long may that continue.

Craigs home for dinner tonight for the first time in almost 2 weeks.

I’m cooking. Check me.

Poor Craig 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆🤣

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Awwwww there are no pretty photos from today. Not one. Just a factory in an industrial estate…. no beaches!

Now we never quite saw this colour this weekend but we would have if the sea had been calmer. I love turquoise sea and white sand.

I’m really tired today and don’t seem to be full of chat…. Check me…. That makes a change eh?!

I didn’t go to the Fit Body Farm this morning as I knew that I needed some more extra rest. I was up and in work for 7.45am.

We had a really busy day today. It was good though.

I actually ate lunch and dinner today. I had salad for lunch and I made a chicken tikka for dinner tonight. Auntie Jac brought it away this weekend and had a pack left over. Super tasty… though I’m sure the first one she made was way tastier!!! 🤣

So a busy day. Not much to say… and just a one last beach pic I think.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow what a trip! The forecast was pretty horrific and we’ve had some fairly shocking weather but we’ve also been so lucky with the beautiful weather we had. It threw up so many stunning and vibrant rainbows… the darkest skies, honestly jaw dropping a lot of the time.

This is a stunning part of Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 and we will be back!

I didn’t sleep as well last night but I did always roll over and get back to sleep. There was heavy rain and wind which wasn’t forecast but we were cosy.

We left before 9am and headed through Arisaig to take some pics. The tide was quite far out.

Auntie Jac was driving as I was really tired and it meant I could jump out for photos. Plan!

We stopped in a lay-by at the side of Lochailort on the way to Fort William. Stunning.

The drive down was so atmospheric. It’s raining on and off and autumn seems to have arrived since we drove up on Friday afternoon.

Not gonna lie. I had no intentions of walking this far in the pouring rain this morning…. But this is Harry Potter viaduct.

When we were kids I remember this being visible from the road but the trees have grown so much in all those years… I realise how obvious that sounds. It still surprises me.

I drove the rest of the way as I felt so much more awake after the wee break. Jac took some pics on the way down

The rest of the journey took us down through Crianlarich to Callander. I never get to drive this road anymore as we usually take the Glasgow route from Crianlarich down past Loch Lomond. It was lovely to see the route we would have taken as kids from the Edinburgh side of the country.

Callander was so sunny but absolutely heaving with people. We got there at 12.35… peak time I guess. It’s a lovely town with lots of coffee shops, woollen mills and outdoor shops. My kinda place to be honest! We could have stopped and taken so many photos but, I was just ready to be home.

Got stuck in the Rangers football traffic coming back through Glasgow and got home just in time for the game at 3. Yay….. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Unpacked, put everything into the washing basket and had a long shower.

We had the best weekend! We managed to see so much, some stunning scenery, beautiful sunrise and sunsets, rainbows, sea, sand, dunes, coos, ferries…. everything Scotland has to offer.

Yet again I’m home and so proud of our beautiful country. I took so many photos I’m going to leave you with some more from the last few days. Special memories in the making. Thanks to Auntie Jac for showing me round this special place!

Wow.

So Sunday evening…. Just like that. Not gonna lie, could have another few days off…. Easy. But hey… we can all take whatever this week throws at us. Every day is precious. Love it to the full!

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🌈🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Here I forgot to say when we drove onto the campsite yesterday there was a huge fork of lightning ⚡️ out towards the Isle of Rhum. I was driving so didn’t get a photo of it but that would have be a stunning shot. There were a few flashes and claps of thunder but it never came to anything more.

The weather overnight was wild we kept the pop top down all night and the van rocked in the strong wind off the sea. There were moments of torrential rain which woke me up but I cooried in and fell back to sleep. Everytime.

We took a wee walk around the beach as the tide was out and it looks so different from last night.

We decided to take the van out for an explore. It seems a shame to come this far and not visit the places I came when I was wee. I have to say I don’t really remember any of it.

The forecast today was for high winds and heavy rain but we were so lucky that it stayed dry until later in the afternoon.

We then drove up to Mallaig which is at the very end of the Road to the Isles.

We decided to take a drive round the side of Loch Morar. It was an amazing track!

We drove back round to the coast again and decided to explore Camusdarach Beach where they filmed Local Hero. It was stunning! At one point we were the only people on it.

We headed back to the campsite after all our beach visits. My legs are really sore from the Fit Body Farm yesterday!

Had a lovely wee nap though to be honest I spent a fair bit of time lying watching the tide come in. It’s fascinating to watch it edge in… surprisingly quickly. I looked out the other window and spotted this!!

Jumped out and ran down the beach like a maddie….

So we’re back inside all cosied up now as it gets dark. We’ve seen so many different weathers and colours today. Everything Scotland has to offer. We didn’t get snow mind you.

Can highly recommend this stunning part of Scotland. The only sound just now is the click of our diesel heater. It’s like a heart beat.

I’ve missed my boy but I’ve had the best time exploring with Auntie Jac! And she’s been the best chef…. There’s a theme here eh?! I go travelling and get fed by everyone I travel with?!?!? 🤣🤣

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

1.30am…. Honestly wide awake. God knows why but I could barely open my eyes at 5am when the alarm went off for the Fit Body Farm. I stood like a wee kid with a petted lip not wanting to go.…. But I did…. And boy was it hard work.

Lots of cardio today and an “active recovery” after each activity which is basically running sprints. My body doesn’t actively recover… it actively is still knackered!

It was a good one though!

So back home for 7.30am, shower and packed and ready to go by 9am.

I took this photo of our ivy as I drank my morning coffee. Stunning colours.

So I was on the road for 9am ish which is way later than I had planned to be but I had grossly underestimated the amount I still had to do. But hey there’s no rush.

So I did the following drive today.

It’s another stunning drive this time from south of Glasgow to Stirling to pick up Auntie Jac and then on up through Callander, over to Crianlarich, up through Glencoe, on to Fort William and finally out to Back of Keppoch which is just outside Arisaig. Wow what a drive. We had torrential rain, pure blue skies and sunshine and lots of rainbows! 🌈

At one point the sea and sand was been blown up on the grass… it was crazy….

A caravan that looks like it’s permanently on the site, had its awning come loose and blow right up over the top of their van. It’s still attached but covering the roof! We contacted the site owner and she said the owners are on their way up tonight. She’s had 5 folk text her to tell her…

And then this happened…..

Auntie Jac came out and took these stunning pics!

So hopefully we’re not blown away overnight…. The pop top is down as it’s too windy and I can have my Fiamma awning out. But it’s super cosy in here.

Dinner was pasta with a bottle of Nozeco.

Bed will not be far away….. the wind buffeting the van is strangely comforting. Until I need the loo. Will try not to think about that!!!

Stay safe everyone 🌅🌅🌅