Healing mental health during COVID-19 times and beyond
Author: Julie
Iām healing from anxiety and depression and exploring my way through a whole new lovely world with an abundance of awareness and a new love for life⦠and travelling the world!
Well thatās come as much of a surprise to me as it has to you! Who knew I would have this much time off?!?
I wanted a break end August, start of September, as weāve not been off since June and Iād booked Monday and Tuesday.
At the start of the week I decided to add Wednesday just because the weather forecast was looking goodā¦. Then someone pointed out I was only working Thursday next week and that seemed daft so I thought Iād just book that off too. So here I am, 10 days off work without even planning it! Surprise!
As Craig said thatās long enough to go abroad but hey, I have zero plans so far. Craigās only off for the next 3 days and his car is accumulating a huge bill in the garage so weāll be staying home this weekend.
š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš
Maybe this would be a good idea during my holiday!ā¦. Get my S.H.I.T. togetherā¦. š
I feel like I got everything organised before I left but I know there will be loads that I missed. I made a few stupid mistakes again today. Iāve been much more tired today strangely, for no reason. At least I fixed the mistakes, one of them about 5 minutes after I made it šš¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš
So Craig had to come and pick me up in Abbie the camper van tonight and I had a lovely 1/2 hour massage at Harmony in Beith . Norma worked her wonders! I could sleep for Scotland now, it was so relaxing. Although a half hour is way too short.
So who knows what the next week will bring but Iām hoping for some sunshine and a continued optimism. Just living in the moment, taking each day as it comes and enjoying it to the max.
We had a workout in the rain at the Fit Body Farm this morning! It was POURING!!
We did barbell weight training inside and running around the garden in the rain in between. Itās actually lovely running around in the rain once you get going⦠I know, I hear myself?!? What has actually happened to me??!
Craig had to wait until Iād had my shower to drop me off at Tartan HQ so that he had Abbie the camper van for work today. I drove Ailsa the Tartan Camper home tonight and Craig will pick me up from work tomorrow night. All very technical being this one van family malarkey.
I had a good day at work today. I felt happy, I felt calm and I feel like I am living in the moment. Iām not worried about what is going to happen next and Iām not worrying about whatās just happened. Just thinking about what I am doing here and now. This is what Iāve dreamed of.
The days seem to go on for ever, in a good way. I donāt feel rushed, I feel like I have plenty of time for everything. Iāve done a lot this week that I donāt usually do but thatās ok. I have the time.
Iām not sure how this has clicked with me but Iām very pleased that it hasā¦. For now anyway.
Now donāt get me wrong, I made mistakes today, said a few stupid things, cut calls off by mistake and was genuinely a little bit cookie or crazy but I did laugh it off and try to rectify it all as quickly as I could. I also didnāt beat myself up for my mistakes like I used to do.
I did have a giggle this morning, I got a lovely message from Aileen about last nightā¦. I wouldnāt normally share a personal message but youāll see whyā¦.
It was soooooooooo good to see you too!!! The lasagna was fab. You were the perfect hostess. The puppers were cuddly. Your house is gorgeous. AND you look amazing!! You might not feel it all the time Jules but you look really chilled and happy – and itās so good to see. Love to you & Craig xx
Isnāt that lovely of her. The part that made me laugh was itās as if she knew exactly how I was feeling inside. She reads the blog to be fair, so she probably doesā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš
Oh jeez is the lasagne going to be hot enough, did I dry it out when I heated it back up, should I have bought more garlic bread? That wasnāt really enough. What do I offer them to drink? Jeez I forgot to see if they needed a top up, am I talking too much, I feel like itās all about me. Wish Freya would stop trying to herd everyone, the dogs are in the way, Iād better shut them in the kitchen so they donāt bother anyone. The house is a mess, that wall needs repainted, I should have dusted more, I wish Iād cleaned the fireplace, did I clean the sink in the bathroom? Why did I only put a tshirt on? Aileen looks amazing in her lovely top, I should have made more of an effortā¦. And I really did just ribbit away all night like a chatterbox, why did I say all that?!?!
I think itās safe to say she knew fine well that all of that was going on in my head. It was sooooo lovely to see her and to get that message this morning. ā„ļø
Also found this photo of myself from 2 years ago when I was still off sick with anxiety and depression.
Versus me today.
Itās nice to appreciate my progress. Iām still nowhere near my old size 12 but hey⦠Iām way more content with my body image now than I have been for a long, long time.
So Iāve been to one of my neighbours tonight to submit the village hall accounts to the Office of the Scottish Charity Regulator. we werenāt able to do that tonight but the accounts are all officially signed off so weāre good to organise a AGM.
Now Iām getting ready for crochet and a good natter with the Crochet Hookers.
Iāve got loads of very thoughtful and positive memes to share today.
Weāve just had one of those days where plans had to be rearranged at the last minute as things didnāt go quite as plannedā¦. But Iāll get to that.
A funny thought to start withā¦. I drive through a wee village called Drybridge to get to work. It has a humped back bridge that goes over the railway and despite having a large river run into it, thereās no need for a bridge over the river as itās a huge u shape⦠hence the name Drybridge. Jeez that was a long, dull story!!
So this morning when I approach the traffic lights on the bridge I saw a brush sticking up over the other side. It made me smile⦠as it seemed pretty randomā¦. simple things eh?!? Tonight when I left⦠heading the other way⦠the same, or another brush stuck up on the back of a truck. What are the chances?!?
Anywayā¦. Iāve had a good day at work, busy, focussedā¦. But Craigās car is in the garage for an ABS fault and the part has to be sent away to be reconditioned. It might take 5 days!! So weāre back to a one van family for the short term! I had to dash home from work to let Craig get out to work. I had to rearrange my plans to meet my friend tonight. We had finally arranged to meet in Gro Coffee in Irvine for the first time in agesā¦.
So nowā¦. Aileen is winging her way to my house instead, with her daughter Kirsty, and Craig has rustled up a vegan lasagne, (K is vegan) heās a good lad!
Iāve had to run round like a maddie since I got home to try and bring the house up to presentable.
I definitely stressed at all of that and yet sitting here now, Iām as cool as a cucumber.
It took a couple of hours but I got there!
Oh in between all that I realised the home insurance was due up tonight and renewal was extortionate so we had to sort that between us before Craig left. He cancelled the old one while I found a new one. Been meaning to do that for AGESā¦.. obviously!
Iām also not an entertainerā¦. I have realised this on my journey through lifeā¦. It brings a level of anxiety as I have to be on my game. I rarely feel in control enough to be on my game. I can write this because Aileen will totally understand. Sheās one of my oldest friends⦠in years⦠not age ššš„° we donāt see much of each other these days but I always know that sheās there and I hope that she knows that about me too. We always enjoy each otherās company so much and will say after this that we should do it way more often. Yet life catches up with us.
So we deserve a round of applause for getting our shit together enough to organise tonight!! Craig deserves a HUGE round of applause for coming to the rescue with vegan lasagne!
Itās 9.30pm and I have had the loveliest evening.
The lasagne was great! We had vegan desserts from the Co-op and Nosecco.
It was so good to see them both and have a good catch up. Kirsty heads off to Australia next week for a year and Iām so pleased that sheās doing that. Itās such an amazing experience and one that she will remember for the rest of her life.
It just shows you that you donāt need to see people often to know that they are there and appreciate them being a part of your life.
I managed to smash my lovely engraved āJulieā Nosecco glass (its a champagne flute style but it feels wrong for me to call it thatā¦.š) while I was tidying up but hey⦠thatās just life keeping me grounded. Dammit.
So nothing new here todayā¦.. the Fit Body Farm at 6am was a team challenge but involved a whole lot of running! It was actually okā¦. Which always surprises me.
We collect points for every 250m run round the garden and for every basketball basket we throw. We have to stop every minute and do a bunch of exercises! All before 7am.
Work was quick today, lots of customers in which always keeps me busy.
So yeah⦠Iām still feeling good. I feel calm and in control. Iām appreciating every moment for what it is.
Iāll be honest that Iāve had waves of anxiety for various different things but Iāve managed to think beyond it. Almost chuckling to myself slightly for being aware of how ridiculous my thoughts can be.
So long may this continue. As long as the wind doesnāt pick up I should be ok š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøšš
After the noise of the wind yesterday, it was lovely and calm last night.
The sky was lovely after the sun went down.
There were loads of midgies around last night. We had to light our Smokin Midge last night.
This is really good! Super basic but seems to do the job. Itās just a wee tin with holes in it and Clava cones which you light up and smoke the wee bās out!!! I just ordered some more cones for the next time we are away.
I see questions on lots of Scottish travel pages asking what the midges are like.
Lots of folk get really terrified of them but we have been really lucky and rarely get bothered by them.
So this little baby slept with me last night. I had to move her to get into bed!
I woke up to thisā¦. Itās so calm and just truly beautiful.
The dogs leads hanging from the wing mirror look really pretty. They are very rarely fanned out like that and usually in a total tangle š
A lovely set up!
How funny that I should see this todayā¦. That wind was really talking to me yesterday and winding me up something chronic!
I loved the silence after the noise of the windā¦ā¦ and this next oneā¦.. Iāve seen so much since I stopped working my ass off and I started looking around.
I really am learning to live for the moment, in the moment and appreciate everything for what it is. This moment⦠right now⦠is life.
Itās not the stuff we buy, the clothes we wearā¦.
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Itās not the job we hold or the amount of money we have.
Itās how we choose to live our lives and the memories that we make.
Itās the memories that we take with us.
We only get one shot at this soā¦. do you. Do what works for you. Do what makes you happy and think outside the rat race. Think outside of stuff.
I never had any boundaries and now I have so many Iāve almost built walls around meā¦. But thatās what works for me. Itās what keeps me happy.
We were home by 11.30am, lucky that beautiful campsite is so close to home.
Abbie is all hoovered and cleaned out. I love that bit too and will be all chuffed when I got out to the Farm at 5.30am tomorrow and sheās all tidy and smelling lovely.
And then I showered and then collapsed in a heap on the couch for a few hours and had the best nap. Itās been a while but I musta needed it!
Hereās to having a lovely week and appreciating every minute of every day.
The pups have been great this weekend but they are very happy to be home.
The rain was torrential overnight last night. We were forecast to get 15mm and considering Iām already parked in a puddle, I did go to bed a wee bit anxious š¬
Thankfully my body didnāt listen to my head and I was out for the count until 8am. I heard the rain on and off but managed to keep falling back to sleep. Was super comfy!
I only stayed up until 10pm as I couldnāt stop yawning after a busy day of doing precious little!
Visiting my neighbour Craigie last night š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš
We had croissants and coffee for breakfast.
Then headed across to Milarrochy Bay for a dog walk. Itās a beautiful morning and the forecast is for sun all day. Its really windy though!
I was going for a photo of the stones with the mountains when it was dive bombed by a passing Freya! I caught it perfectly.
The burns are all swollen from last nights rain.
The famous tree I got at sunset the other night.
Loved this next shot though they are all a bit far away. This was a beautiful beach and we spent some time letting them play around here.
Here come the girlsā¦.
The Loch is so inviting. Iād love to do cold water swimming sometime. Just not enough to actually get in the water and get cold! Iām sure it will be my next thing though!
Thereās a lovely heat to the sun.
The dogs had a blast. Freya never actually goes in the water, just runs around like a maddie while the others do!
Leave no trace! Itās sad to see the amount of bottles that are left lying around after someoneās night out. Would have cleared it up if Iād had bags with us. This next pic shows where we were and now gone!
The walk back to the campsite.
Love the rock formation heading into the water.
There are loads of trees with exposed roots around here.
So I am now sitting here writing this. I wish I could say it was peaceful but the wind is blawinā a hoolie.
The noise is raising my anxiety levels. Calaidh keeps barking and trying to get down to the water, she keeps tangling round my seat. Then she got hold of a bramble branch, covered in thorns and proceeded to chew it cutting her gums and then wouldnāt let it go⦠for me, that is… truth be told my anxiety takes over and I donāt even think that a small piece of food would change her focus. Only get carried away by the drama of her cutting the inside of her mouthā¦. Iām not going inside the van as Craig is watching the football and the noise of that has the same effect as the wind at times. Iāve been so calm this time and yet I feel myself getting properly wound up. By noise. Go figure.
I know it sounds ridiculous but I swear itās a thing.
Iāve actually just put my hood up and that has helped a wee bit. I also put Calaidh and Freya in the tent for a bit to have a sleep. I know I need to calm down.
I almost had a nap with my hood up, it really did help. Thankfully the wind has died down to a gentle breeze and Iām back down to earth again.
I am usually very stressed camping with the 3 dogs and worry about every eventuality. Iāve not felt like that this time as I have done some work on it through Health Kinesiology. Iām not sitting here with dread that the worst case scenario might happen and that feels really good. Yet with every small gain something else rears itās head that needs some working on. I still donāt like not being fully in control of everything I do. When Iām on my own I can control that. When you have 3 wet, muddy dogs, things arenāt always as perfect as I might want them to be. I know that dirty things will clean but the noise of the wind just blew it all out of proportion for me.
This makes me smile thoughā¦. Craigās away to the toilet block. They have not moved since he left.
I like this waiting game we are playing.
I am crocheting.
I am calm.
Just created a few hours of drama to get to this stage.
Itās 11.30am and Iām sitting right here, right now, writing this.
I didnāt have the best sleep but then I left the 5am alarm switched on so Iāve been up since then. Itās different having a dog with me. I have to be a little less selfish and a bit more responsible.
Last night I got a notification on my phone that Aurora Borealis was on Red Alert šØ at 20.53ā¦. I was already in bed and actually hummed and hawed but had to get out of bed to check. Wasnāt lucky enough to see anything but itās the closest Iāve been to somewhere without light pollution when there was a red alert!
So this morning, We lay and read⦠well one of us did, until 6.30 then I got ready to take her out. The heavens openedā¦. But only for a minute. Think we woke the ducks! Just wait till Calaidh and Freya get here!!
We managed a lovely walk along a stretch of the West Highland Way, turning left out of the campsite instead of turning right down ti Milarrochy Bay.
Itās sad that since COVID, signs like this are necessary to stop people āwild campingā wherever they feel like it.
Scotland introduced the āright to roamā back in 2003 and the way things are going I fear this could be taken away from us.
So many people quote āfreedom of accessā but everyone and their auntie are trying to camp everywhere just now. Locals are up in arms at hoards of camper-vans outside their houses at local beauty spots⦠there are people pitching tents along our beaches and think itās wild camping.
Now as you know, she who cannot upset anyone intentionally gets very bent out of shape at this. I canāt believe where some people stop and park their van, get their awning out and think itās ok.
There were 2 vans in Portpatrick last Saturday that were parked right next to the no overnight parking sign! I just couldnāt!
They were both at great access paths to the sea and I sooooo wanted to walk into their āpitchā and head down to the sea right in front of them. If they can stop where they like then I can walk where I like.
Ooooooh now where did all that come from?!?!? Iām envious of their lack of concern where my mind would work beyond overtime on that. Itās exactly that. I am way too considerate of others, maybe at the detriment of myself?
Anyway, back to our walk!
I spotted some flowering Scottish Heather for the first time in ages. Just this one tiny patch.
Loved this old bridge. Bhru stopped to have a play in the water!
Then back into the campsite with Abbie the Campervan in the distance!
So weāve had a very lazy morning since we got back. Iāve read some more, had a nap, it rained on and off and then the sun came out so weāre out at the side of the Loch soaking up the atmosphere.
I did my first voiceover Instagram post today. I rambled all over the beauty and sounds of the water lapping at my feet. I may do a few more, who knows.
Ok so some early afternoon drama. Was sitting reading wondering why so many caravans seem to be driving out of the site at midday up to one oāclock. Wondered if they had late check out?! Is that even a thing? It would appear notā¦.. so I watched a guy drive out of the site and turn left earlier onā¦. Seemed strange as left takes you up to Rowardennan and a dead end. I wouldnāt want to be driving a caravan up thereā¦.
Then I watched another one turn up left to Rowardennan but he didnāt take the corner wide enough and I heard a sickening crack as he scraped along the gate post to the the left hand side of the entrance.
My anxiety goes into full overdriveā¦. I feel a gulp of emotion welling up inside me. I struggle to swallow it down. I am almost in tears for them. My mind races around every scenarioā¦. How can I possibly get them out of their predicament. The man is angry. He is raging when he sees what he has done and shouts out loud.
I sit for a bit and then think Iāll go and offer some morale support. Let them see theyāre not alone⦠I would like someone to do that for me in that situation.
Instead I find a couple very angry at the campsite!!!! For turning them away as itās not 1pm yet⦠āI donāt know what this campsite is coming toā¦.. itās been going downhill for the last 3 years⦠not like it used to beā¦. Rules keep changing and no-one tells usāā¦. Like wow mateā¦. You drove out of here angry because they wouldnāt let you on siteā¦. youāre here before 1pm. You didnāt take the turning properly and thatās all the campsitesā fault?!?
I ran to reception to get someone to help and he got it both barrels.
I heard myself say⦠āIām sorry but thatās not fair, the boy just works here and follows the rules as they are laid out, he came straight away when I asked for helpāā¦. I stopped short of saying you drove away angry and caused all of this yourself.
They both then started on about how they were turned away at reception and quite frankly, I can understand why they may have been met with a frosty reception the way they were speaking. It was so entitled.
So I guess the moral of my story isā¦. That couple are going to go away mouthing about the campsite and how itās gone down hill⦠blah blah and making up a huge dramatic story to cover up the fact that he drove away angry and didnāt take the corner properly. End of.
Itās left a horrible taste in my mouth. I only went to help. The poor lad says they get that all the time from people. What a shame eh?
The ducks here are not shy at all⦠they donāt even disappear when the dogs are around!
Mid afternoon Craigie arrived so heās all set up now and itās lovely to have some companyā¦. Other than Bhruic and ducksā¦
While he was setting up itās started pouring againā¦. it made for a lovely pic in the rain!
The colours are amazing!
So Iāve done very little todayā¦. Lots of reading and moving inside and outside the van weather dependent. Weāre sitting outside now in the evening sun and just had fish fajitas for dinner.
The rain is to be pretty epic early doors tomorrow but hoping for a bright day from about 10am. We might be swimming by then but hey⦠the joys of Scottish camping!
So work today as usual then headed straight up to Loch Lomond as quickly as I could!
Donāt panic, Craig is joining me this time but Iāve come away tonight as he had a meeting tomorrow that he canāt miss. I only got here at 6.30pm as I popped home to pick up a pupper.
Check Lady Bhruic acting as if butter wouldnāt melt!
We have an Overland and Borders Instagram account hence the logo on the seats. Prior to COVID we managed to get away a lot and used to post our adventures on the @overlandandborders Insta page. These days itās fallen by the wayside and we really should get back to it. For those early blog followers you may remember the blog started out as Overland and Borders but it didnāt really feel right to me and after much musing and rumination, The Rambling Sloth was born! I do have an insta for that too but itās mostly video clips of the places I go! Feel free to follow! @theramblingsloth
Anyway I digress!
So I got here at 6.30pm and the heavens opened as soon as I parked up and had a quick wander round.
Thisā¦. Is Loch Lomond and itās about 30 steps away from Abbie the camper van!
Calm
It was torrential! Stotting down!
I made dinner for myself and Bhru while it rained and as soon as it stopped we were off out for a big walk along Milarrochy Bay.
Love this wee lane (when we came back that puddle had gone!)Reflections in a big puddle Very dark rainy skiesFinally the sun! One of the famous Milarrochy Bay treesā¦. Bhru says ākeek!āThe sun makes the mountains look all moodyVery heavy clouds Lovely rock formation Pretty viewSuns almost setting
Was so lucky to get the sunset! Iād have missed it if Iād been 10 minutes later! I have always wanted to get a shot like this.
The famous Milarrochy Bay sunset pic! More giant rocks!
I love this next photo as the clouds look like they are following the shape of the beach.
Heavy sunset clouds
Back at the van. We have a prime spot on the water front right next to the pier. Wish we had paddle boards with us as it would be amazing for that! Ok so we donāt have paddle boards but thatās a minor issueā¦.
Iāve had another really good day. Iāve been calm and in control. I only got a real fear when I had to climb a 10% incline hill in the van just outside Balmaha.
I hate that hillā¦. Hate is a strong word but I have to go down to first gear to get up itā¦. It just gives me the fear. š±š
Craig will be up after his meeting tomorrow with Calaidh and Freya. The forecast is not great but weāll be outside the minute the sun shines⦠making hayā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš
Bhru and I are going to settle down early for the night!
Some days I feel like a lead brick and when we do the 5 minute warm up run and yet today I settled into it quite easily. šš»āāļø
We did some more barbell weights which I really enjoyed. Then we run for 3 minutes in between each weights session and I really loved the running. Every time!! Thatās so not like me! It felt really good. ā„ļø
So Iāve had another good day. Iāve been really focussed and got loads done.
When I came home I met my neighbour Jane outside the house. She was heading off for a walk so I popped into the house to get Calaidh and went for a walk with her. I knew if I came into the house Iād have slumped down on the couch and not moved.
It was good to get moving and blow off some cobwebs after a busy day and Calaidh loved it!
My evening visualisation says that I have to imagine Iām out walking along a beach and I start to runā¦. And soon Iām running like the wind⦠just because I can. It just felt so good today to run without being absolutely exhausted.
Nothing is more important to me than living in peace.
Iām meeting the Crochet Hookers tonight so there wonāt be much peace tonight š but itās great to catch up on the newsā¦. And maybe manage to get another couple of granny squares under my belt!
I must start by saying I did not have a meeting in the village hall last nightā¦. Everyone who is more grown up than me and actually keeps a diary, knew it was Monday 5th September. She who just canāt seem to do that really needs to take a leaf out of their book. š¤¦š»āāļøš
I knew the minute I issued the blogā¦. But heyā¦
So I use Google Calendar for reminders but it was so cluttered with info that I couldnāt see what was actually in it! I can see Craigās work calendar and I also had my work logged in it⦠like I didnāt know I was meant to be there 4 days a week from 8-4 š¤¦š»āāļøš
Iāve cleared it all out and just left the things I need to see.
So who knows if it will make a difference but I already know Iāve two things after work next weekā¦. I mean check me, thatās progress š
So back to my dayā¦. I should start by saying Iāve been a bit bored by the mundane recently. I must say that this is in no way a slight on anyone or anything in my life but I donāt drink so thereās no āahhhhh thatās better momentsā and Iām not stuffing my face full of sweets anymore so I donāt get any excitement from that⦠Iāve just been a bit meh with the day to day.
I wasnāt looking forward to my day today and so did a meditation before work and I tried really hard to focus on the positives and things to be grateful for and found myself with a spring in my step.
I found lots of great positive things on FB today too. I feel like Iām manifesting lots of good thoughts if thatās possible?
This time 4 years ago my world was unravelling.
I was pretty much in tears all day at work back then. My careful spinning of a million plates was coming to an end. My incessant people pleasing was finally taking its toll. In a few weeks time I would head into work on that Monday morning, 3rd September 2018 and start to cry and never be able to stop. I would drive home around midday unable to see the road in front of me and that was the start of my sick leave.
When I think back to that time I remember just how afraid I was⦠of absolutely everything.
I was living my life on the edge, I was exhausted, I felt like I was failing everyone around meā¦. Oooh that brought the tearsā¦.
Itās painful but important for me to see how far I have come. I felt I was letting everyone down, I could no longer be everything to everyone. I couldnāt keep anyone happy anymore and it felt like my whole life was falling apart before my eyes.
I was slowly slipping into the most terrifying phase of my life so far.
And look at me now (never start a sentence with āandāā¦. let alone a paragraph!!) I might be at the other extreme where I put myself before everything else. There may need to be some happy medium. š
I have learned how important it is for me to relax, to take time out and to make decisions that protect my mental health. I have to stay away from drama at all costs!!
So yeah, itās been a lovely day. Chatted to lots of lovely customers at work, enjoyed the other work that I did and feel really grateful for such a good day.
This is a perfect example of my manifesting things todayā¦. I was listening to an old āJulieā mix on Spotify and every song really hit me in the gut. The swell of emotion with each turn, the memories stirred, my life flashed before my eyes in that one playlistā¦. And then I see this!
I have always envied people who could listen to music all the timeā¦. I canāt always take the emotions that music stirs up for me.
So who knows whatās next in my journeyā¦. Jeez, Iām very philosophical tonight.
It was so difficult to get out of bed this morningā¦.. will we go? should we go? are we going? All these thoughts ringing around my head. But we got out of bed and we went to the Fit Body Farm. I was really chuffed I did it.
We were also lucky to get a dry session at the farm this morning. It was 19°C when we left the house which is positively roasting. There were apparently loud thunder storms overnight but I didnāt hear any of them. Donāt know if it hit us or not but the temperature has dropped a fair few degrees through the day.
And since about 7.45am it has not stopped raining. Itās good for the grass and half of England is crying out for rain, we should be very grateful. Iām not sure I am that much, if Iām really honest š¤¦š»āāļøš¤£š
I made some lovely fajitas for dinner and we have a meeting in the village hall tonight at 7pm about speeding traffic through our village. Weāre meeting a local councillor to voice our concerns.
Itās been a quiet, calm day and long may that continue.
Ok so this is definitely Scottish summerā¦. All plans go out the window as we rush outside in case itās the last sunshine we see this year. Itās been 25°C here which doesnāt happen very often.
And yes I have been known to do an ironing in the back garden before⦠just because it was sunny!! š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš
So weāve been out in the garden since about 8am. We started by tackling the weeds that have taken over the world this year. I guess it means that we havenāt stayed on top of them as we should.
I also moved some plants⦠maybe not the best move but hey we couldnāt see them where they were anyway!
I then spent most of the day pressure washing the grassā¦.. we are very lucky not to have the quagmire that we used to have when we had real grass but now have to wash the artificial grass. With three dogs, winter played havoc without beautiful lawn and the dogs were trawling mud through the house ever time it rained. This shows how bad out grass gotā¦.
And today before cleaningā¦.
And after!!
Itās like we hoovered the garden and it feels great. So many weeds in the bin and so much garden rubbish tidied up.
By 2pm we were both pretty narky and in need of food but it was a job well done.
This weekend has been wonderful. The hot weather has made it feel like a real holiday and a break from work. When you stop waiting for the next best thing to come and start appreciating every day for what it is, then life feels so much better.
The girls have been warnedā¦. No mess on my clean grass!!!
I did knock one of my lovely roses off the rose bush⦠such a shame but it looks beautiful in this bud vase.
Oh and the bed is stripped and washed and another two washing loads done! You know youāre getting older when a sunny day means a good washing day.
So hereās to a great week. Letās try and break the cycle of thinking Monday to Wednesday are the drudge and appreciate them for what they are⦠I might need to remind myself of that šš
Wow I slept like a log last night, almost 12 hours! Out for the count. I think I racked up about 15k steps yesterday so musta needed it!
She who never breaks the rules is actually willingly rule breaking todayā¦. Check me. š I say that and youāll realise itās like hardly the biggest rule in the world to be brokenā¦. Weāre meant to be off the campsite by 10am. Itās 12.22pm and Iām still sitting here!!!
Now⦠to be fair, I did ask the manā¦. Love that my idea of breaking the rules is to ask if itās ok to break it first š¤£
Thereās a lovely breeze here taking off the worst of the heat and Iām right out on the edge of the grass banking looking over her sea as I crochet ⦠Iām like some 80 year old in her element!
I had this strange desire to sit and watch the tide come right in. Itās not a very pretty beach here when the tide is out. Very rocky, stony and it look more like debris than anything else⦠however when the tide is in, itās beautiful. I wanted to see how high up it actually came and watch it start going back out again. Where do these ideas come come?!?
This is what it looked like first thing over morning coffee.
Craig said it was overcast at home and heās working this morning so whereās the rush?!?
This solitude is addictive. The more I grow in confidence the more I just want silence. I realise thatās not particularly healthy and need to strike a happy balance. I have spoken to Craig loads while Iāve been away so itās not as if weāve not been in touch.
I just got everything that I wanted from this trip.
Iām right next to the sea and there isnāt another soul anywhere near me. This is the quietest campsite ever. Lots of folk in their static vans seem to be indoors.
Thereās no one else on the grass at all. Itās just perfect. The tide is up high and looking pretty!
There are some high level clouds today. Itās very hot but the cool breeze of the sea is just perfect.
I caught both the P&O and Stena Line ferries racing each other into Cairnryan. I had no idea how busy that port was having never been to Northern Ireland. Stena Line runs 5 ferries a day to Belfast, it takes 2 hours and 15 minutes and P&O run 6 to Larne which only takes 2 hours.
Itās on 10X zoom so not the best!
Every time I look round thereās another ferry driving or leaving, or so it seems!
I packed Abbie up and swept everything out, aired the bedding, itās amazing what a difference sunshine can make. I literally just have to take the bags out when I get home.
The sun just went behind a cloud for the first time in days!
This is my wee spot for the morning and I sat here until 12.30 when the need for a wee gets me moving!
And thisā¦ā¦ just hit the mark when my friend Carol-Ann shared this today!
I am so proud of how far I have come and how much I am able to enjoy life now. For anyone feeling really low temper that the good days will come back. You just have to take one day at a time, be present in the current moment and appreciate all that you have as simple as it may seem.
I may have gone a bit crazy with this lamppostā¦.. š
Normal day time, once with sunset, after sunset and with sunrise in it! Obsessed much?! Maybe need to get back to gates??! š
So I left my little peace of heaven at 1pm and had a lovely drive with my newly found aircon working all the way home. Also love the fact Iāve had her since June 2020 and only now realise the aircon actually does workā¦.. šš
Took 2 hours as there was a 5 car pile up on the A78. Looked really bad considering it was just before a roundabout when folk should have been slowing down.
Now I know fine well that you can love anywhere that the sun shines⦠it has a habit of making everything look so stunningly beautiful. I have a feeling that Portpatrick can do that whatever the weather.
I donāt feel awkward travelling alone anymore. I do wonder if they clock the wummin in orange dungaree shorts going here, there and everywhere but I guess that all visitors do that!
After a walk round the town I head up the steps of the cliff to the aptly named Portpatrick Hotel. Itās huge!
The steps take you right up onto the cliff beside it. Itās actually part of the Southern Upland Way.
Even the steps are beautiful with the wild flowers against the deep blue of the sky and the sea. There are stunning views from the top of the cliff.
Showing Portpatrick in all its glory.
Thereās a diversion in the path due to corrosion around a disused radio station and then you come to North Witch Rock. The coastline is really dramatic with steep cliffs and lots of stacks like this.
I carried on towards Sandeel Beach Bay. I stopped when I could see it rather than when I got to it! It was very hot for a big walk!
Itās a beautiful day and once again Iām fully present in the moment. Iām not worrying about anything, overthinking anything, regretting anything. Itās a welcome relief from the bad anxiety days.
I head back down to earth 𤣠and potter about for a bit.
I head back to the van and get some breakfast. Itās still only 11am. I sit for a while out on the rocks but have to move sadly due to the overwhelming smell of urineā¦. Itās a perfect place for people to jump over and have a quick pee without anyone looking. Itās sadly disgusting and spoils a beautiful spot. I guess everyone who does that will not realise they are not the first and wonāt be the last.
Fed and watered and with Claireās directions I set off up the other cliff to explore Dunskey Castle ruins. She called this killer hill in her text⦠I can see why!!
But look at the viewā¦
In the distance I spot the ruined Dunskey Castle, itās pretty dramatic up on the edge of the cliff.
Thereās a sign saying private property and a gate across the entrance. There are fences at either side to stop you getting around it but theyāre all torn down and thereās a family in the castle up at one of the windows, half hanging out posing for photos!
Nothing will allow me to go in there. Another one of my rules⦠but it seems everyone passing is torn too. As we watch the adults scramble round the broken fence and the kids climb through a hole in the gate I hear a lady say⦠thatās some example to set your kids. Any thoughts I may have had about heading in are blown away againā¦. š
Another random dandelion doing itās bit for Scottish tourism. Itās was such a vibrant yellow against the blue sea.
So heading back down the way I came I decided to find some lunch. The Crown had been recommended but it was heaving so I popped into the Boardwalk Cafe⦠only to find if only did pizza and kebabs etc⦠I wanted to be healthier than that. I headed into a wee village shop which had a very limited selection so I picked up some morning rolls and some corned beef. I should have been better prepared than that but it did the job and on a budget too!
Last nights sunset was amazing and I took a trillion photos. My favourite was catching the setting sun in the old fashioned lamp on the campsite.
I was really chuffed with that.
I took my deckchair down to the water and soaked up every minute of the quiet setting sun. I didnāt even read my book, there was too much to see!
Check the wee birdie flying too a close to the sun!
I met a lovely lady who loved the campsite so much that her and her husband sold up and moved into a static van. She told me that there were Alpacas and baby goats on the campsite tooā¦. Why wouldnāt there be so I took a dusk walk to have a nosey around the site and find them.
Some of the static vans look a bit shanty town like but the majority are beautifully kept. I found a whole menagerie of animals including the cutest black cat!
The sunset continued to wow.
And then the last super moon of 2022 started to rise.
Have to say that I didnāt sleep that wellā¦. Thereās a lot of traffic noise from the road and I was a bit cold from 3am so I got the blankets out, ear plugs in and slept until 7.20am. Itās another beautiful day.
The view from my bed! I sat here and had some breakfast
I headed up to the shower block which arenāt the best but did the job⦠then hit the road to Portpatrick.
This is my neighbour, Claireās, favourite place ever and it did not disappoint.
Itās a beautiful harbour village. It was a lovely drive to get here too.
Iām sitting here writing this just now.
I took a lovely walk through the village. The breeze is lovely and cool and when it stops itās pretty damn hot for Scotland!
WordPress is struggling so I guess Iām making the blog too big too fast so Iāll write a second blog for the rest of the day. š¤¦š»āāļøā„ļøš
Well this is a bit of a surprise. Even I didnāt know where I might end up tonight. I only decided last night that I might come away for a few nights as Craig is working Friday and Saturday.
So if Iām honest, Iām here by default. Iām in Ryanbay Holiday Park just on the outskirts of Stranraer in Dumfries and Galloway.
I looked all over within a 4 hour drive of the house and this is only 1.5 hours away from work and is the only site I could see that was near the sea.
Itās also not cheapā¦. At Ā£33 a night!! I could have done without that but Iām not ready to solo camp in a lay-by at the side of the road. There were so many on the way down but I think Iād be scared.
I have to say that really this isnāt much different as I am right on the main road into Stranraer but it just feels different on a paying site.
Itās been a scorching hot day at work and I was counting the hours until I could get away. Iād been watching the weather and knew it was going to be lovely and wanted to take the day off but Iām some kind of crazy martyr to the cause and couldnāt ask for a day off at such short notice. So I sit and champ at the bit instead!! To be fair I got loads done so it was productive and yes I know I am weird!
So 4pm and give Abbie the camper van a quick wash before I set off. I hate sitting next to a dirty van š¤¦š»āāļøš (jeez I really have so many weird and wonderful rules that I love by eh?!?)
The drive down is just breathtaking.
This is a beautiful road that skirts the south west coast of Scotland most of the way down. The sea is like a millpond. Itās misty on the horizon with the islands and land in the distance, rising out of the heat haze.
To give you a better perspectiveā¦
The first half hour is excruciatingly hot. The van registers 33.6°C inside. Iām chatting to Craig on the phone so need to have the windows up to have any chance of hearing him. Iām melting. He says that he guesses my aircon really isnāt working then. I say nahā¦. It needs a new condenser, it doesnāt blow cold but hey Iāll try it one more timeā¦.
And lo and behold, the gods are on my side. It slowly starts to being the internal temperature down!!! Who knewā¦. š¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš Abbie is a 2009 registered van so itās not a super chill by any manner of means, but it slowly gets me back to a gentle perspiration rather than a full on sweat!
The campsite is situated just south of the port of Cairnryan where the Belfast and Larne ferries run from, and just a mile or so out of the town of Stranraer. Iām really only hear for one full day so need to decide what where best to investigate tomorrow.
The campsite is a holiday park with static vans. The touring area is set behind 2 staggered rows of static caravans with little view of the sea. Reception is pretty and the site is very cleanā¦. And the campsite is VERY quiet.
Again I offer up a quick thank you to the Universe for giving me some silence!
I can hardly hear a thing apart from the traffic behind me and even that is sporadic. We live on a main road anyway so Iām used to it.
The first pitch I find has only one static van in front of itā¦. With an empty space where the second one should be and I can see the sea.
You should see the speed with which I get moving on dinner.
I brought food from the house and quickly rustle up some pork steaks with a giant mushroom filled with cream cheese and fried spring onions. I think itās safe to say I would never have bothered to make that back home!!
I wolfed it down! Then I went for a walkā¦..
Itās not a pretty beach but the tide is quite far out. Itās a beautiful sky though.
Looking up to Cairnryan, both Larne and Belfast ferries are docked.
This is the view over to Stranraer.
Itās beautiful. Thereās a lovely breeze too.
I had my eye on another pitch so I went to check it out. Itās much more private though closer to the road but I decide to move.
Itās a bit more rickety and at an angle but the view is out of this worldā¦.
And relaxā¦ā¦
Iām trying out this new Coke Zero I found ages ago thatās been in the fridge and I never drank it⦠watermelon and strawberry flavour. Itās lovely.
So cheers to the weekend folks.
Itās 8.10pm and the sun is about to disappear behind a mobile home š¤¦š»āāļø I am going to shimmy to the left a bit to watch the real sunset then get an early night!
The dogs are sleeping in the living room just now as itās too hot for them upstairs. Go sunny Scotland!
This means they were up and about before we hit the Farm this morning. Theyāre happy on the bed but sad to be left behindā¦
Itās a beautiful sunrise. Honestly just takes my breath away every time.
As I took this photo I found this lovely stone.
I almost think someone put it there for me to find. What a lovely start to the day.
The Farm is great, itās barbell weights day again and I love it.
I recognise a guy whoās not normally there but assume heās from a later classā¦. but at the very end he asks if Iām still at my old workā¦. Ahhhh so thatās where I know you fromā¦.
I canāt tell you what a trigger it is. Had a lovely chat with a lovely guy but hearing about everyone whoās still there (of course I askedā¦. I quick-fired questions at himā¦) realising it goes on without me, so many people are not in touch. I am the kind of person that used to make my work my life. It hurt that I never mattered that much to them. Thatās feeling like I must have failed because I couldnāt handle the cultureā¦. Blah blah blah⦠beats self up with very big stick. Itās very hard not to feel like a failure and feel a bit lost as Iām no longer a part of that world.
The lovely Isy tagged me in this today⦠I swear she sometimes knows my thoughts and yet weāve never even met!
Yet I realise now how much more there is to life than death by work.
As I drive to work I drive over the River Irvine outside Dreghorn. Every morning I want to stop and take a photo but I canāt as there is nowhere to stop.
Itās beautiful. This morning itās so still in the low sun. The wide river is barely flowing. So atmospheric.
Then I remember driving on the motorway to the last place wondering if I had an accident would that get me off work? Would that get me off the hook enough to not have to be there and deal with my day? How much of an accident would it need to be to not really hurt me but be enough. š³
Horrifying.
Iāll stick with the River Irvine commute and my new life any day. I am so grateful for everything I have now.
I used to spend my life at my old job wishing I worked for somewhere like Tartan Campers.
Ta-dah!!!
And then I drive into the car park at work and there he isā¦. puppy Peanut!!!
So itās been a good day at work, hot this afternoon!
Iām sitting outside now looking for campsites for a wee 2 night away and nothing I want is available. Iām being quite strict with location though, must be near the sea. That limits things a bit. I might just have to do a couple of day trips. Itās a lengthy process going through their respective booking forms only to find that theyāre full!
Itās 6.22pm and itās still scorching hot! I have crochet tonight and we might get to sit outside in the sun if the beer garden is still in the shade. Hereās hoping!
Now I should say I was not here so this is not really my story to tell but heyā¦.. Iāve had another calm and in control day, the sunās been shining all day so I have little else to say. š¤·š»āāļøš¤£
Soā¦.. we had a shed⦠well we had 3 but now we only have 2.
It was here.
It no longer is there.
My house stinks of smoke. We woke one neighbour who was sleeping after night shift. We set off anotherās smoke detectors and two neighbours pretty much came running to see what was wrong.
The morale of the storyā¦.
Donāt try to burn down your rat infested shed where it stands. Break the tinder box down into pieces and burn them separate sections. Here endethā¦..
Judging by the look on his face when he says he would NEVER do that again, I think itās safe to say it was pretty dramatic. He had to put the flames out, break it down and burn it all separately.
The outcome is as we hoped though. Infested shed is no more. Thankfully he is still in one piece and everything else is too.
Safe to say we donāt have the kind of temperatures they have done south. Nowhere near. We still have very green grass and the ground isnāt bone dry. Just as well really!
So thatās todays excitement. There really has been nothing elseā¦.. my anxiety free life doth not an exciting blog make.
Saying all that Iāve had a lovely evening sitting out in the sun next door celebrating lovely Louiseās amazing exam results with her family and friends. She did soooo well. Sheās such a lovely girl and weāre all so very proud of her.
Itās been a lovely evening. Itās 8.35pm and Iām still in shorts!
I donāt get to say that very often but itās such a great feeling to be completely calm, get things done, cook dinner and get a chance to chill of an evening. All in one day.
He who answers all my questions is back at work today and boy did I have a mahoosive list! I got lots cleared through though and my head loves that.
Itās going to be lovely weather this week and itās warm outside even after 7pm. Itās been a lovely day and I sat outside at lunch with a mahoosive salad.
I made dinner tonight. A lovely bologneseā¦. My portions are a lot smaller these days (except for my salads!!)
Iāve done a washing and emptied and filled the dishwasher since I got home from work.
My head has been calm all day. I didnāt want to get upā¦. I didnāt want to go to the Farm but I did it and worked really hard.
Jeez I read that back and it bores the pants off me.
I had zero plans today. I slept like a log last night and had a good lie in.
Calaidh has a new place to hide these days. We always sit in the sun room with coffee at the weekend.
Then she gives you the eye with the ballā¦.
Itās all about the ballā¦.
So I ended up sneaking up on the housework this morning. Love it when that happens. None of the dread of āhaving to do houseworkā just deciding to do it and getting it done. Easy.
We had a spider in the living room last night that gave me such a fright. It was enormous. I caught Bhru watching something and wondered what it was⦠mountaineering up the wall! š± of course it snuck behind the whiskey cabinetā¦. š³š±
Iāve approached the living room with fear and trepidation today. š¤£
There is no sign of it.
I have to stop manifesting spiders.
Speaking of that Iām still doing a nightly visualisation for weight loss. Iām sure itās helping my anxiety by meditating every night before I go to sleep.
I took the dogs for a walk this afternoon and this made me laugh.
I post loads of photos like this but have you ever realised just how often they swap around on a walkā¦. Itās incessant! These are all taken within about 5 minutes.
Cheeky!
Found some thistles.
And a wee thatās defying the odds and growing up through a parking cone!
Weāre watching From on Sky SciFi and itās pretty addictive. I told Craig I was making diner tonight and he was to remind me of that when I said I couldnāt be botheredā¦. Itās lucky I did as when the time came, I couldnāt be bothered. But we did it and had feta and salami stuffed chicken with Aspargus wrapped in Parma ham and potatoes. Would have been so easy not to cook that but Iām glad we did.
Iāve finished my next crochet blanket, just got the ends to tie in and then Iāll take some photos. Iāve felt bored today, as if Iām not making the day count and yet actually writing this I see that I have had a pretty damn good day.
Thatās what itās all about.
So hereās your Sunday evening reminder that you can face everything that life throws at you this week as we have done 100% of the time so far.
Thereās a chance that we might actually get some sunshine here this week. That will do very nicely. āļøāļøāļø