I slept ok. I still feel tired but I do feel a lot brighter than I did yesterday.

I saw on FB first thing that it was a beautiful sunrise so I jumped outside… across the road in my jammies. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

There are no filters here. Honestly the colours were just breathtaking. ❤️🧡💛

Then when I turned back to the house I realised the pink and purple was equally stunning. By this time the dogs are out playing. Always about the tennis ball 🎾

So yeah… a lovely start to the day before my shower even.

I’ve felt much better today. The sadness has gone. I still feel quiet and tired but none of that gut churning panic or nerves either.

It’s a quiet relief. I can breathe freely.

It’s been a quick day. Craig had to drop me off and pick me up as his car’s in for service and MOT. Being chauffeur driven home is really nice👌

Check the packet of crisps I opened at lunchtime…… 12 crisps in the bag. No wonder they’re classed as low fat crisps 😆

I counted them out 😂😂😂

So I have kinesiology tonight. I’m already calmer as a result… I will be shattered after it but I’m excited to see what we work on. I need to deal with this new found fear of driving and reversing. Take some stress out of that, among other things.

Stay safe everyone ❤️🧡💛

It was a beautiful day today.

The sun has been shining all day but it’s been quite cold in the breeze. I chose today not to wear the long sleeved T-shirt. 🙄 I walked out to a frozen windscreen!

I’ve not felt great for the last few days.

I feel really sad. I’m fairly certain it’s hormonal as it’s been so irrational. There’s no real reason for it.

There are a few things that I’m “trying not to worry about”….. that says it all.

I spend so much of my time living in the moment but sometimes I’m whirled out of that.

I feel very off kilter. Out of balance.

I felt quite sad when I went to bed last night but fine. I was fine when I woke up, no real dread for the day ahead. Tired and couldn’t be bothered, but that was all.

By 8am the tears were burning in my eyes and the day didn’t get much better.

Anyone who spent more than 10 minutes with me today, got it! Sorry guys. I just have this overwhelming urge to sob my heart out.

I wonder where that comes from? I feel very hollow and empty. I have no oomph. I’m listless.

It wouldn’t be so bad if the tears stayed in but they have to come bubbling over when I try so hard to squeeze them in.

And yet the sun kept shining… while I sat under my heavy, dark cloud.

I had a reminder set on my phone to call the Doc for a repeat HRT prescription.

I called at 12.32pm. “I’m sorry but our prescription line is now closed” (course it bloody is!) “we are closed for lunch between 12.30 and 1.30, please try again later….” Does the prescription line not realise how much it took for me to actually remember to call them in the first place?!?! Course it doesn’t.

I’ve arrange Kinesiology for tomorrow. For the first time since October. I am nipping this in the bud before it grows arms and legs.

This next one is amazing. So very true. Somedays I feel like I move mountains but today I’ve definitely crawled through it like a caterpillar…. Or a slug. Actually that’s it, I’ve slithered through the day like a big black slug. (In my head obviously 🙄)

I’m off out for a walk with Claire now. Be nice to see some early evening sun. It’s 7pm and still sunny which is lovely.

Tomorrow is a new day and I have survived 100% of the bad days so far.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I didn’t sleep well last night. Well that’s not true really, I did, but I only got about 6 hours so I’ve been tired today. It’s 4.30pm now and I’m toying with the idea of going for a nap but it feels a bit late in the day. Can you hear how much overthinking there is in only in my first sentence?!

I’ve had a lovely wee shopping trip with mum today.

I left at 8.45am this morning and met Mum at 10am at Livingston Designer Outlet. I realised on my way home that we never got a quick pic together!!

I did have a wee photo shoot in M&S… as you do!

Loved the jeans and sweatshirt combo but not made of money just now and this would have set me back about £60.

Was really drawn to this colour of trouser….. I’ve never been able wear a Chino funnily enough. It would appear I’m still not cut out for a Chino 😂

Now everything I tried on today was a size 14 or less…. I am so chuffed with that. It’s been a long time coming. These chinos, however, cut me in half!! I tried on some 14 cargo trousers that were hanging off me.

And finally these cargo shorts! Now these were the comfiest shorts I have ever worn. Again £30 which seemed a bit steep…. But soooooo soft!

Not actually certain that they did much for me to be honest.

Then back to me!

We had a Starbucks late morning and stopped in at Krispy Kreme for a cuppa and a doughnut. Check how cute these are!

That’s a rabbit’s bottom as it burrows a hole into the ground! It was called a Burrowing Bunny 🐰😆 there was chocolate fondant inside.

I also picked up a couple of T-shirts in Primark.…. They are a lovely shape and SIZE XS …….. that’s EXTRA SMALL…….. 🥰😍🥰😍 as Mum said they must be very big made. 😳🫢😬

Remind me never to put my hands in my pockets for photos again… 🫣

I just loved the cheery colour of the next one. It’s actually pretty close to the best top I was wearing. Also it says Cali! After our Calaidh puppa. (Obviously not but I liked that too.)

I also got a lovely rain proof knee length jacket from Primark, that I forgot to get photos of. It was a SMALL!!!!! Again, yes, big made…… 🙄 but I cannot tell you how lovely it is to not have to search through the L and XL and XXL for once. All this fasting is really paying off.

I’ve just had the loveliest and simple Sunday night tea. Fried egg on sourdough. So tasty!

I’ve totally missed the fact that it’s April already.

I saw quite a few April Fools that I thought I would share with you. The first from the Scottish Dog Behaviourist…. Obviously 😂🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🐶

A few funnies to end with. Hope you all have a great week!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Boom…. My day in one sentence. I slept really well but woke to a barking pupper about 6am. Of course they went back to sleep.

I randomly started my day with a trip to IKEA! I was picking up new shelves for the Little gift shop, Beith store.

The delivery costs were so high that I offered to go and pick up the shelves in the van….. all macho like and zero concept that they may be heavy…… they were awfy heavy!!

This is where the fun began. 😆

The first box was heavy but easy enough…. The second was sooooo heavy. By the time I got to the fourth and last box I had to ask for help. I was knackered. 😆

I got back down to Beith by 10.30 and we had a busy morning in the shop. I was working with Lindsay today as Gayle was in Lochwinnoch.

Big shop news today is that Gayle is going back down to 2 shops and is letting Dalry go. Elaine, who’s been working there is going to take it on by herself. Exciting times! Also can’t wait to see the space we have in Beith with the new shelves. Could have stayed today , built them and filled them all up 😂😂 I know, I need to get out more.

Speaking of getting out I met my lovely friend, Shelagh, for coffee after work. We went to the new Lochshore coffee shop which was really lovely. We had scones with butter and jam.

It was so great to catch up. Those of you who’ve been with me from the early days, might remember Shelagh as the lovely lady I went to for Health Kinesiology. She’s not been well but just looked so bright and fresh today. She was like a breath of fresh air. It was so lovely to see her and catch up on our news.

The Lochshore hub has sprung up from nowhere. It’s great to have a wee coffee shop down next to Kilbirnie Loch. No photos dammit!

I met Gayle afterwards, at the Beith shop and we unloaded the shelving units. So much easier with her muscles as well!

Popped into the Co-op on the way home to get some food for dinner and spotted this jar of coffee…. £9.35 a jar. I swear I bought this for £3.99 in Home Bargains less than a year ago.

That photo makes it look in like a big jar but it was just the 200g jar…. The normal size. I am horrified at a jar of coffee can be £9.35. Again you can tell I don’t get out much! 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I’ve had a lovely day but I’m tired now. Had wise all good though. Cam and relaxed.

I’m wrapped up in a crochet blanket with wee Freya right next to me.

Happy Saturday night!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I woke up at 6 and managed a dog jog today. It was tough going, I wasn’t feeling it but I did it and I ran a fair bit of the way.

(On reflection there are a lot of photos…. 😂)

I hunkered down on the road here, to get this shot and then all of a sudden realised there was a car coming up behind me 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 felt a weeeee bit daft 😂😂

Love this next one…. It was windy but a lovely start to the morning.

I had a really good day at The little gift shop. The day went really fast and I really enjoyed it.

I put out a lot of the new Easter gifts for sale. Now, I’m not particularly creative so I did struggle setting it out but I think it actually looks ok.

Also put out lots of new Gisella Graham candles and candle jars.

Gayle and I then cleaned and redecorated the shelves behind the till. I think they look lovely.

The stock is just so pretty just now. Very springlike.

I was home for about 5.30 and we popped into the pub next door for a couple of drinks before dinner. I had 0% Whitely Neil Raspberry Gin. It was really nice to catch up with everyone for a bit… and the gin wasnae half bad too!!

Hope you have a great Friday night. Feet up now!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I needed a sea fix again. I’ve had a rough few days inside my own head so it’s great to be back down by the sea in Portencross.

It’s definitely a monthly cycle thing. There really is nothing wrong…. Guess I just wanted my holiday to be longer! Anyway, it’s been a short week this week, it’s Thursday already!! Could get used to that… 😆

I’m sitting right here. I’m so lucky to be able to get to the coast any time I want really. It’s only a half hour home.

Just the smell of the sea is enough to relax the tension I’ve been carrying these last few days. I’ve been awake since 4am overthinking. Trying so hard to present in the moment. You shouldn’t really have to try as hard as I was!

The Scottish Dog Behaviourist was up at 5am…. I lay in bed desperately trying to sleep. I actually pounded my temples with my fists and one point and shouted “for gods sake you’re better than this!!”… I am by far my harshest critic.

It’s lovely to feel the warmth of the sun. It’s 5pm and I’m trying to figure out whether the tide is coming in or going out as I write this.

It’s been warmer today. I usually wear a long sleeved top under my Tartan T… I managed to sneakily wangle that off in the office today as I was getting war. Even turned the heater off. Then the heavens opened!

It’s lovely now though. Windy but there’s a warmth to the sun.

Portencross Castle in the background. Definitely must visit that this year. (May have said that last year too….)

It would be nice to stay until sunset but I think that’s a few hours off now that the clocks have gone forward.

What is it about the see that seems to wash off all the negative energy I’ve been collecting?!?

Think you can just about make out Arran in the distance. It’s quite hazy today. Visibility isn’t great…. That and I left my sunnies in the car so I can’t actually see a thing as the sun is so sparkly!

The water is so clear!

The rocks are very green after the winter tides.

I love the rock formations here. They are so west coast!

I’m back in the van now. Abbie is still a bit of a man van these days… no cuddly toys or plaques like she used to have. Buts that’s ok…. I still have my crochet blanket!

This would make a great campsite. It really has turned into a beautiful afternoon…. Jeez 5.30 already. Better get home and get some dinner. My stomach is rumbling. I fasted for 18.5 hours again overnight and into this morning. Still loving it. That’s me done 102 consecutive fasts now.

I so enjoyed my trip to the sea. It did the trick!

Stay safe everyone 💙🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💙

Back to work today. I slept well and woke about 5.30am but couldn’t go on a dog jog as it was way too dark this morning.

It’s a shame as I’ve been enjoying it but I’m not going to be daft and go out in the dark on my own. (Remember she who was scared of the dark in Glencoe?!?)

Work was so fast today. I had lots to do and catch up with so it just flew by.

I managed a huge fast after our big lunch yesterday.

I was so busy I didn’t have time to feel hungry at all. That’s the longest I’ve managed in a long time. Yesterday, I was hungry after 15 hours yet today was easy.

I’ve replayed some broken scenarios from the past today. I need to let them go. Some things take me out of the present moment…. Despite my healing, I’m still able to be knocked down by some things. My ego acts like an evil voice inside my head and beats me up for it… I can almost hear it sneering at me. “Yeah, that’ll teach you for thinking you’ve got it all sussed”. It’s not a pleasant feeling.

I need to get those kind of thoughts out of my head. There’re not good for me.

So back to my lovely trip on Monday. A few more sunny photos to remind us Spring really is coming.

Coming into Glencoe. Buachaille Etive Mor.

At the Meeting of three Waters… and the main road into the Glen.

One of the Three Sisters.

Lovely light on the campsite.

Looking over to the Pap of Glencoe.

The view from the campsite at low tide.

An old building in Glencoe village.

Glencoe Lochan.

The golden glow of sunset on the campsite.

Some more to follow tomorrow!

They’ve made me smile 😁

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💙🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Happy anniversary to us!

It’s been a miserable day and it has poured with rain ALL day. What a difference to the blue skies of yesterday.

They day started off with a lot of unusual activity….

A smashed up car appeared in the village overnight….

Now I swear I heard a spaceship swoosh through the village about 9.30pm last night. It “could” technically have been a car running on its rims. I guess…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ I was woken by voices about 6 am… with 4 police officers walking around it chatting away. On my day off. They put police tape around it and left.

Then our neighbour Holly phoned to say her back tyre was flat and she needed a run to the garage. We pumped it up and Craig drove her there… we had to stop once to re inflate but by they time they got there it was almost on the rim. I followed them and we p*ssed some guy off when we stopped as he couldn’t get past us for the some total of about a minute and half…. People really do need to learn a bit of compassion and a bit more patience. My anxiety sky rocketed as he hand gestured his impatience.

Anyway, about 20 minutes after that, a giant rock was dropped on the main road, right in the middle of the bit of road next to the dumped car.

I mean you couldn’t make that up?!?!

Here’s Holly and I, on the pub CCTV, trying to move it…

An Artic truck driver stopped and managed to get it to the side of the road by rolling it.

Then Iain from the Plant Centre saved the day by moving it with his forklift, thanks to Elly for calling him.

She also told us the truck has dumped mud all over the roads on the way out the village.

So much drama before 10am!! It was pouring…. Obviously…. So we just took the dogs out as we were soaking already.

The daffodils have come out in force since yesterday.

There’s a house just at the blue wheelie bin…. I’d messaged the lady who lives there last week with a lovely photo of daffies with her house in the background. She says she’d planted the daffodils years ago to make people smile as they walked past, to let them see spring was coming. How lovely!! She also watched a woman pick loads of them recently….. 🙊🙈

Anyway, I digress. Bhru was being a cheeky pup when we got home, hiding the ball from Calaidh!

Calaidh is telling me here that Bhru has the ball.

Craig made a lovely breakfast.

We booked lunch in the Waterside Hotel in West Kilbride for 1pm.

We had vouchers for my 50th birthday! We had 3 courses and now might sleep for a week!!!

I had mussels in a smoked cider, bacon, tomato and chill sauce and Craig had the traditional Cullen Skink.

For mains I had hot smoked salmon and prawn salad and Craig had the Scottish beef burger and chips. I order chilli fries on the side but ate about 5 of them! This is the most I’ve eaten in ages.

Of course I had dessert after a wee break. A teeny Maltesers cheesecake for me and a mahooooosive Lemon Meringue pie for Craig.

The food was amazing and we were so grateful that it was free!! Thanks to Craig’s sis Lisa and our friend Elly for the vouchers!!

I had to run next door back to the garage to pick up the car but I’m shattered now. Comfies on and Craig is in the process of lighting our tea light village. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 it takes a while.

Cheeky Bhru is at it again…… she knows fine well Calaidh wants the ball!

Oh I forgot to say I got beautiful flowers this morning and a lovely card from Craig!

I’ve said before that we’ve had our ups and downs…. As I imagine every marriage has. Craig has stood by me through some pretty difficult times and he drives me round the twist and back a fair bit. I feel like we’ve got it more together these days. I’ll take the credit that it’s my new calmer demeanour 😂😘😂 but honestly, we get on so much better these days. I’m super proud of him with his Scottish Dog Behaviourist venture. It’s lovely to see him so focussed on his work. Here’s to many more years Craigie 😘 then and now.

Back to work tomorrow…. 😢 hols never long enough.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Check our little photoshoot this morning!

We got the 3 of them lined up with our backwards clock so Craig could do a FB post for his business page. Freya just didn’t get the sit straight up memo!

Funnily enough the backwards clock was already at the right time without moving it forward…. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 shows how much we try to read that eh?!? Been an hour out for the whole of winter! It is very difficult to figure out, it seemed like a good idea when we first saw it in someone else’s house. It’s now the most pointless thing as we have to discuss the time we think it is, after we’ve looked at it! 😂

So after a lot of thinking I’ve finally decided to head away overnight. Craig has loads to do over the next few days and I know I’d be climbing the walls stuck at home with no real plans. Since I only work 4 days a week at Tartan, I only get 13 floating days to pick from over the year. I need to make the most of them.

Current view at time of writing. Very dramatic. Waiting on snow that’s forecast.

I don’t think there’s enough signal to get a huge amount of photos loading tonight.

I’m on the Invercoe campsite on the banks of Loch Leven in Glencoe. I’m all the way up here!

I cleaned out the van this morning, just emptied all the drawers and cupboards and put a fair bit of it back in 😂 and set off about 10.30am.

I’ve honestly been really excited and nervous in equal measures today. I didn’t have to come this far, could have stayed somewhere more local but honestly, if you’re going to do Scotland in a mini trip, it’s Loch Lomond, Glencoe and Oban for me, every time. It’s just a bit out my comfort zone these days after everything that’s gone wrong with the van recently.

I was going to make so many stops along the way but actually only stopped to “spend a penny” as Gran would say. Turns out that spending a penny costs you 50p these days in Luss…. And you flash your bank card at the turnstile now. Who knew?!? It was a 20p coin in a slot last time I popped past. Guess the new machine cost more… and they’ll have charges for card payments to cover.

The drive up the side of Loch Lomond is just out of this world. Ben Lomond is covered in snow. I have no photos as I was driving, obviously. It really has to be seen to be believed.

It’s a really narrow, windy road that does give me the odd fright every now and then. The “what if” anxiety runs away with me at times.

I say all that and I’ve been totally fine all day. Hardly a car on the road in front of me, or behind me and any point in time. It’s a great time to travel. Most people are heading south on a Sunday.

Then finally heading across the Rannoch Moor.

Here she is at Buachaille Etive Mor, the mountain at the head of Glen Etive.

I stopped again at Glencoe Falls also known as the Meeting of Three Waters. These waters form the River Coe.

This is the road into the Glen. It’s so narrow and windy and yet once you’re in the Glen it opens into a huge expanse with high mountains all around you.

The next photos are Aonach Dubh, Beinn Fhada and Gearr Aonach, the Three Sisters or Bidean nam Bian of Glencoe.

I then drove round to the campsite. We’ve stayed in Glencoe on and off for years and yet never knew this one existed until my friend Evelyn recommended it. I am in a spot right on the water front.

I set up and walked straight into Glencoe. I picked the wee craft, gift and coffee shop and had a scone with butter and homemade jam and a decaf oat milk latte. I sat outside as it was quite mild in the sun.

I walked into Glencoe village and popped into the local shop to pick up some food for dinner.

The Pap of Glencoe (Sgorr na Ciche) reaches a height of 2,434 feet (742 meters). It can be seen from all around Glencoe.

I walked up to the Glencoe Lochan. Wow. It was beautiful today. So calm and peaceful and the perfect mirror image.

I’ve done 15,000 steps today. Been back at the van for the last few hours trying to get photos to load. One of the three sisters just doesn’t want to be published at all 😂😂😂

It’s been pretty windy despite a really calm forecast. It’s tried to snow and it seems to be calming down now. I’m expecting a brighter sunset if the forecast comes true.

I’ve also had an amber alert for Aurora Borealis… how good would that be?!? If I can stay awake long enough for it to get dark!

It 6.45pm and the sun isn’t due to set for another hour yet. LOVE the lighter nights.

Will leave you with me at the Lochan. Got a couple to take my photo after I’d taken one of them.

And current view, taken from inside the van!! I am so very lucky to be able to do this.

Wow.

Stay safe everyone 🚐🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿♥️

No work for 3.5 days…. Well technically only 3 days left now but hey… 3 whole days in a row off . Woooo hooo!

Now. you all know me by now, I’ll be climbing the walls trying to decide what to do with myself for the best.

I really want to go away in the van but haven’t planned anything yet. Also the 5 of us away in the van is no mean feat and it’s been pointed out to me that I’m not always the most relaxed in that situation . 🤔 Moi?!?!

Anyway, back to today….. started with a dog jog today. Now, I could have soooooo easily not gone out today. I was tired and only woke as the dogs barked at 6am. It was 7.30 before I took them out… but I did it.

It was actually a lovely morning. It was really still and calm. That’s the reason I went out with them. It seemed too nice to sit around and do nothing.

The daffies are out in full force! I love this time of year. Everything seems so fresh and full of promise. Things beginning to grow, the possibility of spring just around the corner.

It’s just the yellow ones that are out just now, the white ones and white and orange ones come later. Smiling there at my technical terminology of the daffodils… they may have official names, I go by colour 😆💛🧡🤍

I’ve decided that Sunday will be a day of rest on the dog jog front 😂 bet the dogs are pleased about that!

I have had the loveliest wee day at The little gift shop. I was on my own for the whole shift for the first time. I opened and closed up all by myself. I know you all know I can do it but sometimes it still surprises me. I expect my anxiety might take over and send everything into a huge spiral but it didn’t.

I was really busy and the time flew by. I did a FB post, priced up loads of new things and took loads of photos… wait until you see the Easter stuff in the back shop waiting to come out. Pic a bit blurry for some reason.

Loving the bunnies!

I love these by Rosie made a thing….. Go wild – you only live once! but always use a coaster 😆😂😂😂 obviously!!

I was buzzing at work again today. Some lovely neighbours came in, Anne and Brian and I shouted across the shop that he was the most handsome customer I’d had all day. 😆 I love that part of working in the shop. The banter, the chat…. It’s always bright and breezy. You can cheer people up with a bit of chat about the weather, the nice things in the shop. It just makes me feel so happy.

I was about to leave when 2 customers came in at 1pm! Instead of being annoyed they were holding me back, I was excited to see what they bought.

Finally finished up and headed straight to Home Bargains as we were in dire need of all things cleaning wise and I find that Home Bargains and B&M Stores are by far the cheapest. I even got food again today. It’s not the best selection but it definitely did the job.

I’ve been sitting on the couch with the candles on since about 3.30pm. It’s darker now that it’s raining. The fire is lit. My feet are up and I’m watching a series called The Fall on Netflix.

Hope you have a great Saturday night. Dinner’s ready. Check me. Cooking. Whatever next?!?

Stay safe everyone 🧡💛🤍

The Scottish Dog Behaviourist was up at 5am this morning to work on content for FB posts. I lay and tried to get back to sleep but my brain wouldn’t let me. I eventually gave in after 6 and got up to take the puppers out for a dog jog again.

It was dry surprisingly, as it had been really wet through the night. It’s windy again though.

Back home for cuddles with Bhru…. I swear she’s smiling.

This was the scene as I dried my hair. 😂

Bhru has a tennis ball… Calaidh is fixated on it…. Freya is fixated on the hair dryer. 😂

I was working all day at The little gift shop today. It say that but it doesn’t feel like work.

There’s load of new things in again this week. It fascinates me! I love unpacking the boxes and seeing what’s coming in.

Love these wee tiny houses… no Craig, we can’t have them. 😂

I priced all these cards…. If you can, zoom in on the ones in the front rows… they’re all Scottish.

The words are amazing. They’re by a company called Pink Pig. 🐷 it’s such a great brand. The cards say it all.

Also love these wee houses.

My legs and feet are gowping tonight (tired, achey, sore) and I’m sure I’ll sleep tonight! look how dramatic the sky was when I came home. It’s been sunny and wet on and off all day!

When I came home I popped into the pub next door and had a 0% Whitley Neil Raspberry gin with slimline tonic.

Then back in the house and had 0% red wine….. apart from the fact that it’s pretty rotten, it seemed all kind of wrong.

It’s been a very long time since I held a large wine glass like that. I felt like I was actually drinking…. Until I tasted it 😂 funny how the action of holding that glass triggers all the memories.

Feet up now chilling for the rest of the evening.

She is me.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

3 years ago today the word lockdown came into our vocabulary. Until then, it was rarely used, certainly not by us.

This is t the best graph but is shows the dates mentioned above.

Lockdown. What does it mean to you?

For me, it was terrifying to start off with, as I had just been made redundant on 28th February due to my anxiety and depression. Sorry, of course, the official line is that my position was made redundant due to a restructuring of the department. I’ve always been very bitter about this, but let’s be fair…. I’d been off sick for 10 weeks from Sep-Dec 2018 and then again from June 2019 to the February of 2020 so I shouldn’t have expected it to be waiting for me with open arms.

I felt a deep shame at being made redundant.

I had completely failed at my job. I wasn’t hard enough. Wasn’t strong enough. Wasn’t good enough.

Other people could manage, just not me.

I was a daft wee lassie in a hard man’s world.

I had tried so hard to please everyone. Came in as early as I could and left later than everyone , just to be seen. I tried to keep the peace in a political business. I had to pull my big girl pants up for almost EVERY confrontation…. And there were A LOT.

My big girl pants weren’t big enough.

Anyway, I digress, as usual. You get the picture. I’m feeling really fragile, without my high flyer job that, to me, completely defined who I was.

Boom. Lockdown. Everything is closed. You can’t even begin to start looking for another job.

I’m another way I really quite liked it. It was the excuse I used to allow me more time to recover. Truth be told, I wasn’t ready to look for another job let alone sell myself to anyone.

Suddenly the rest of the world joined my new “stay at home” life. Craig was there every day. We didn’t need to worry too much about money as I had my redundancy.

We had no idea what to expect. We weren’t allowed to mix with anyone outwith our own household. I remember back thinking we followed most, if not all of the rules to the letter. I’m not sure I remember much of those first few months other than the lovely sunshine we had.

We got loads done in the garden and the house. We made a point of doing somethin every day and got up and got on with the task at hand.

We’ll never have that kind of time again in our lives I don’t think. I doubt people would adhere to a lockdown as much if it happened again.

3 years ago eh? How time flies. In such a short space of time we do now wonder why someone might be wearing a mask now that it’s no longer required in most places.

We painted all the sheds.

We had zoom campfires with members of Overland Bound.

We also had zoom meetings with our family and friends… my poor mum had a zoom 70th birthday.

I took a lot of photos of the dogs!! Nothing new there then…. 😆

We planted things, we baked, we got creative. I crocheted hearts for our local Funeral Directors. I crocheted a lot.

We worked on Craig’s Jeep transforming the back of it into a camping vehicle.

We washed and painted the house.

Our hair grew out of control, at least Craig’s did…. And most of all we relaxed and enjoyed each others company.

It seems like such a distant memory yet so many people are still catching Covid now. And the glorious sun kept shining!

Of course the lockdown was the reason I started my blog. Our local Beith Trust asked people to keep a diary during lockdown and it grew from there. I think I started on the 8th day of lockdown… so that’s almost 3 years of my daily blog…. Minus a few on the really bad days. I never thought I’d still be writing!

Also a year ago today I finally caught Covid-19 for the first time. Couldn’t believe it was on the 2 year anniversary. I had no idea how I caught it.

So this year, I started the day with another run with the dogs. Bhruic joined our morning jog today.

It was lovely and calm after the strong winds of yesterday…. And no rain.

It was like the sky was on fire.

It’s been a really busy day at work but I’ve finished up Tartan for a few days, back on Wednesday. Looking forward to a wee mini break.

A lot of memories stirred up today. I’ve enjoyed the wee trip down memory lane.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Craig and Bhru are back from their mini adventure!

I came home from work, raced in the door, shouting my hellos and screaming that I was desperate for the loo… only to find later that he was on a call… on speaker phone. 😳 classy.

The seem to have had a great time and I am determined to keep looking for things to do around the house. She says sitting on her backside writing this at 5.45 😂

I’ve already had dinner and washed the dishes, that’s a good start.

He’s also cleaned the van, washed the dog marrow bone sheepskin rug 😳🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️washed all the blankets. if I’m really honest there is t any sign that he’s been away. I have to admit to taking photos of the hall and the kitchen this morning before I left for work… in case of comparison. Oh me of little faith. That’ll teach me!!

Anyway, we went out for a run this morning again. The forecast was awful, but it was actually dry but very windy.

Come on mum says Freya!

Check them bounding along. They’re loving it.

I actually had to stop a few times to catch my breath as the wind was so strong. A good excuse that!

The sky was lovely and the clouds were moving so fast.

Huge puddle in the road!

Spotted these little beauties on my run…. They are lit up by the head torch.

So home, fed the dogs, put away all the dry washing, shower and out to work…. Super productive all before 7.30. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy to get up, I could just roll over and not bother, but I force myself for the sake of the dogs. Once I’m outside I’m totally fine. It’s just getting there takes the effort.

Work was super busy again today and the day flew in.

I’m still fasting and doing really well at it this week. I’m doing more of an 18 hours fasting, 6 eating…. And I’m not giorging myself when I do eat… says Mrs 8 Custard Creams today… believe me, there’s been a lot worse. 😂

I really enjoy it. I love eating dinner, feeling full and setting the clock. After that I know I won’t eat anything else. I’m meeting the Crochet Hookers in the pub tonight and I will just drink soda water.

Love this next one. I’m really finding the appreciation of the present moment. I say this a lot but life is right here, right now with my feet up on the couch writing this. It’s not waiting for crochet or living for days off like we have this weekend. It’s right now. Calaidh is sitting next to me. The tennis ball is on my legs. Her eyes keep looking at the ball and then looking up into mine…. I can type this and still watch her and not make many mistakes. Check me!

It feels like there is so much extra time in a day when you appreciate it all.

I also love to examine how I’m really feeling, and why…. You’d never have guessed that would you?!? 😂

Anyway I’m rambling now so I’ll finish up.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

The Scottish Dog Behaviourist is still up north with Bhruic and Abbie the camper van.

They’ve been to the Glenfinnan Monument and Glenfinnan viaduct (made famous in the Harry Potter films) today.

I cannot tell you how proud I am that Craig is off on his own in the van…. Taking some alone time and sitting watching the Loch flow by when I spoke to him earlier. He NEVER does that. He very rarely has silence. I’m so proud of him for doing something different and I love that it’s totally my vibe.

I’ve also been so envious of his trip but I am equally loving the home alone time.

I have a nice wee routine going now. I’m doing way more around the house, looking after it and tidying as I use things like I used to do when I lived by myself. I’m not sure why I stopped, why I’m more lazy when we’re both here. I’m going to try and be more aware of that in future.

I am way more mindful of the dogs…. I’m not irritated by having to walk them early snd , I’m enjoying spending time with them. it sounds daft but I feel more responsible for them. Also 2 of them are way quieter than 3….. it took Sherlock to figure that out. 😆

We were up and out before 6am this morning, it was still quite dark. Had the head torch on the whole way.

And it was raining… got this head torch lit daffodil shot!

Work was really busy again today and the day passes by so quickly.

When I came home from work the dogs were in their dog robes!! Holly had put them on when they came back from their afternoon dog walk! So sweet to come home to them all wrapped up.

I brought the wheelie bin back in, did a quick poop scoop around the garden, fed the dogs and had some pub Mac n’cheese for dinner! It was soooooo good!!

We had a kick about in the garden.

And then we played with tennis balls inside…. While Calaidh gives the ball the manic stare.

Look at her wee floofy paws…. Bless.

They’re both fast asleep now. Silence again. Candles lit. Fire not on as I don’t have enough kindling and it keeps going out… but hey…. I need a man to start a fire 🔥 😆😘that’s just a standing joke between us 😂

A lovely evening.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

That’s me that was bright and breezy this morning. Not the weather…. It was pretty miserable. That fine rain that soaks you as Gran would have said! It’s been misty and murky all day.

I was awake at 5.30 and up soon after as I had to get Calaidh and Freya out for a walk before work.

I had the head torch and hi vis vest on!

I took them for a run/walk…. First time in weeks since we left the Fit Body Farm. I felt tired and clunky but I did it…. And actually enjoyed it!

Here they are in their goonies to dry off after the walk. Wee cuties.

All of this before 6.30am. I also cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom and did a washing and hung it up AND had a shower and got lunch ready, all before I left for work at 7.25am. I mean, come on, machine or what?!?! I only say that because I’m surprised at myself. I was on a roll!!

It’s now 6.50pm and I’m absolutely shattered, yawning my head off on the couch. I peaked early!

I’ve had a really good day at work. It flew in. I honestly don’t know where the day went.

The puppers had another great walk through the day as Holly (next door) took them out for a run up the hill. Great to see them getting that while I’m at work.

I played out the back with them when I got home too.

So yeah, I’ve had a really good day. I’m sitting in complete silence and all I can hear is a clock ticking and the light tap of my fingers on the keys. Bliss.

Craig is having a lovely time. He’s sent through some amazing photos of his location and Bhru. He’ll be sharing some of them on his Scottish Dog Behaviourist FB page (click the link to see the!)

I’m so proud of him for doing this. For taking Abbie the camper who is being a man’s van these few days, and going away by himself for some rest and catch up on work.

All cuddly toys are removed in Abz the man van….. one of my fake sheepskin floor rugs was popped outside the van, on the ground, so that Bhru could eat her marrowbone on it 😳

😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

Is it any wonder why we argue while we’re away camping?!?!? 😂. I need to seriously lower my standards for future family camping trips. I’m always so worried about things getting dirty and wet with muddy paws….. I can feel my insides squirming at the very thought. You can only imagine what my insides do at the thought of marrowbone smeared rug………clenches fists and digs nails into palms… while grinding teeth.

Think Calaidh is broken….. 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

So yes, today is Mother’s Day in the UK. Here are some photos of my lovely Mum.

I’m not going over to see her today but we’re meeting for a shopping expedition in a few weeks.

I was really sad and tearful this morning.

First of all I was just tired. I stayed up until 11.20pm last night watching Line of Duty…. Only to find it wasn’t the last episode as I thought it had been. I couldn’t keep my eyes open by then!! Then wide awake at 5.30am. So only 6 hours sleep on the one day a week I can actually get a lie in. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😂

I feel really bad I’m not going over to see Mum today but there was too much going on this weekend for me to think straight and organise anything.

Also I was never able to become a mum…. Now in all honesty, let’s not pretend that it isn’t by far the best outcome for us. We often look at each other and say how glad we are that life turned out the way that it did, but that doesn’t erase the years of trying, knowing there was nothing wrong with either of us. It just wasn’t meant to be.

Instead we have the Three Amigos and Craig has his wonderful business as a result. Here they are today….

So we took them out for a walk really early on today.

It’s actually a really lovely mild morning.

We headed up to Craig’s Mum’s for 11am and had this amazing spread!!!

French toast with crispy bacon, fruit and maple syrup, was amazing!

It was lovely to see them both and Douglas’ sister and son who were over visiting. A lovely brunch and catch up.

So the Scottish Dog Behaviourist has found himself with a couple of days off work, unexpectedly, so is making the most of it and heading up north of Fort William, with Bhruic, to have some much needed R&R but also to start filming some training videos in some stunning Scottish locations. That was a very long sentence. 🙊

Here’s Bhru all secure in her harness ready for the journey north.

I feel like this next one needs a caption. We were just having a last minute cuddle. 😆

Her eyes 👀 😂

And here he is all set for the off. Eventually. After he’d gone back into the house about 3 times. 🤦🏻‍♀️ why can men never leave the house once?!? Sorry broad brush generalisation there!

So I have an “empty” as we say in Scotland.

You do know my “party” means lots is silence, a tidy bathroom and kitchen and a whole lot of SILENCE….. bliss!

Of course you also know I do miss them both a wee bit already. 😂

Calaidh, Freya and I settled down in the sun for a coffee and a tennis ball throwing session.

The sun didn’t last long sadly. So back indoors to clean said kitchen and bathroom (how can he leave such a mess in the bathroom?!? Hopes he has so signal to read this?!?!) I’ve hung a washing, cooked a chicken (thanks to my lovely mother-in-law… affectionately known as maw law!), got the fire going (finally) and lit the candles for a cosy evening in.

Sadly there is no one to bring me snacks tonight….. but we do have CLEAN BED to look forward to!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Ok…. I hear myself so don’t shoot me down. Those of you who have been here through some of the worst days will know this doesn’t happen very often….

I’ve woken up so full of gratitude for everything. I’m bursting with joy and excitement inside. It’s such a lovely, calming feeling.

I got up early to take the dogs out before work.

The girls were great today. Actually I know fine well it’s because I was great today. We had a lovely peaceful walk at 7am and only saw 2 cars. No one else.

Calaidh sussed there’s a puddle ahead and is already body swerving it! 😂

There was a tiny bit of sunshine on the horizon!

It’s super mild after the last few days.

The dogs swap around all the time! I laughed that they are in different places in these photos.

Love that they all settle down just before I head out to work.

So I’m now writing the rest of this at 3pm now and I am shattered.

We had another very busy day at The little gift shop. The last shopping day before Mother’s Day.

It’s lovely to see so many guys popping in with their kids. The quote of the day…. “You know for guys who hate shopping, wee places like this are a godsend!” That’s exactly why Gayle does what she does.

We couldn’t get out at 1pm. We had a couple come in at 12.59 and then another 2 folk after that…. We put the lights back on for one guy!!!

I then took a wee run up to The little gift shop Lochwinnoch branch! Ooooh check us. It was torrential rain outside but really lovely to get a wee look inside the shop, and to catch up with Gayle quickly. She did have lots of customers in,

So yeah, this mornings buzz has been replaced by a headache and I’m really tired. I’m just gonna get into bed and have a wee nap.

It is hard working 5 and half days a week every week but I do love my weekends at the shop. It’s good therapy!

Love this next one!

Happy Saturday to you all!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow.

I have had the best day. I am buzzing!!!

I’m on a high like Tartan Campers at the Motorhome Show high!!! I am using so many exclamation marks.

We have been so busy in The little gift shop. I just love it!!!

So many lovely people in for Mother’s Day….. met another lovely reader today too, so lovely to put a face to the name… the day just flew in. I didn’t even get time to eat cake!

I was working with Lindsay for the first time today as Gayle is in her new shop in Lochwinnoch.

Lindsay told me about the self catering holiday home she has in Anstruther called Ainster House. Wait till you see it! I’ll post the link to her website below. It is stunning!

Ainster House – Anstruther

Wow, I’m blown away but how beautiful it is inside. Keep it in mind if you fancy a wee holiday to the east coast. Anstruther is beautiful.

So, in other news obviously Abbie the camper van was back in the garage today for a rear wheel bearing. The only reason she didn’t get that last week was that another garage had done her wheel bearings in November and they felt it should be a warranty repair to that other garage. Other garage said “no way wi’ they big wheels” so I took it back to my normal garage to do it.

I work in The little gift shop to fund my aging Camper van it would appear…. I say that and Craig paid today…. Thank you kind and wonderful husband 😂😘🥰

So many people say that I should get rid of her now but in all honesty it is as 2009 plate van so I don’t really think it’s out of the ordinary for it’s age. I guess if I could afford it, I’d take “they big wheels” off and lower her back to normal height but that ain’t gonna happen any time soon….

I am very grateful for my beautiful camper van. She says. Reminding herself.

I had this tag on FB today from the lovely Isy….

How beautiful is that?!?

I have always felt like I was never good enough. Never thin enough, smart enough, trendy enough, rich enough, cool enough, fun enough, pretty enough…. This list comes really easily to me. I can rhyme these off. I have always been disappointed in myself for something.

You know what?!?

I have finally realised I am good enough for me.

I am enough. I’m actually in tears typing this. Sometimes these wee revelations come out of the blue, I certainly never saw this coming until I typed these words. I am enough.

I’m really aware of my gratitude, my ability to be present in the moment and appreciate each day for what it is. Some are still tougher than others. I’m honestly so grateful that I got the chance to see all this. I never would have without all those years of anxiety and depression.

I am enough.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

The printer wouldn’t talk to me today…. I didn’t really notice the cold shoulder this morning, but by 12 I was trying everything to get the laptop and printer to connect. I ran troubleshooting software…. Bossman printed just to prove the printer WAS still talking to him…… 😤

I spent a good half hour before lunch. I switched everything off and had Ellison’s lovely lentil soup and a buttered roll…. Life felt so much better until I sat back down at my desk and remembered we weren’t talking. At least another hour of faffing about. I still have no idea how I fixed it, but its working now. Printing it’s little head off….

It’s funny how something so simple can totally knock you off track. It’s like I couldn’t function because I couldn’t follow the set process I have in my head….. how would my job actually work if I couldn’t print out that bit of paper I needed.

I have yet to achieve a paperless desk although the printer sure tried hard to get me to, today!!! Smiling but still secretly a wee bit raging…. 😡

I also feel my wifi was playing up as the phone wouldn’t do exactly what I wanted to do either…. Grrrr 🐯

So last night was my first of 2 weeks back on the progesterone….. I woke up with such a start as I had been dead to the world. Such a deep sleep until 5.20am. It’s a really lovely feeling but also a bit disconcerting as my fist thought was “where am I?” …. I am ALWAYS in the same place 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂😂

I did another Suzanne Robichaud meditation. This one for stress and anxiety… I did feel a wee bit off when I woke.

It was a lovely meditation. With headphones on it really relaxed me. I wanted to go back to sleep but had to get up. I’ll pop the link below in case you fancy trying it. I love Suzanne’s Canadian accent….

Meditation to relive stress and anxiety

It was torrential rain for a lot of the morning. Absolutely stotting down. It was pretty dark, misty and foggy. Not the nicest day. That said, it’s way milder tonight than it’s been in a long time.

Had to dash out of work at 4 as I had a 50th birthday massage with Norma in Harmony in Beith!! It was a lovely chat and massage. Didn’t realise how tense I was. I’m very lucky I still have more vouchers to use up, so booked back in for April.

So that was Thursday. I’m tired but we have some more Line of Duty to watch tonight. Finally catching up with the show that everyone in the UK seemed to be talking about, back in the day.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️