It’s 5.27pm Iceland time and we are an hour behind Scotland. We are SHATTERED but we’ve had the best day!!!

Bed at 8.30pm last night.

1.30am someone gets up for the loo. 🙄

Pre 3am I open my eyes and wonder what time it is?

It seems it’s just before 3am as the alarm shrills soon after. Jeez….. it’s time for Iceland baby!

It took me a bit longer than I hoped, to get ready this morning, but we’re on our way before 4.30am and have a great run to Edinburgh, despite several road closures and diversions along the way.

It’s a beautiful sunrise.

And quiet roads.

Craig says “you’re from Edinburgh you know, why do you need a photo?!?” ….. you’d think he knew me by now 😬🙄😆

I took this at 6.30am. A beautiful morning in Scotland.

Looking back to the Pentland Hills during take off. A wee hi to mum and dad who live just behind them. Gutted we never took off over the Forth Bridges.

Just love the blue sky! 💙

We landed just before 9.30am UK time which was only 8.30am and so we’ve had the whole day to enjoy.

Keflavik was very foggy when we landed. They announced that they we had to switch all electronics off if we were to have any chance of landing in the fog.

I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT…..

It actually wasn’t that bad and cleared pretty quickly.

We got the car rental bus to Ice Rental Cars. The young girl behind the counter was very surprised at how old Craig actually was, after seeing his date of birth, given how young he looks…… 😆 you can only imagine how he reacted to that!!! She was so lovely apart from that obvious error of judgement. 😆

The drive into Reykjavik is easier than spelling Reykjavik every time you have to type it. I say that as Craig is driving. He did really well. I think we’ve agreed though that we could have done it without the hire car but at least we are under our own steam on the days we need it.

The landscape is obviously volcanic. Can’t wait to see more of it tomorrow.

We got to the hotel Hotel Reykjavik Grand and stored our bags before heading into the city…. Walking!

And we have walked ALL day. 19,768 steps so far.

I’m so shattered I’m not gonna cover the whole day today but a snapshot of photos and then it gives me content for the days where I do nothing but work 😆

These are the highlights. The sun shone for most of the day and we found so lovely eateries.

This is Hallgrímskirkja.

The sun came out and it was taps aff… well the fleece and jacket off anyway. It was lovely and warm. It’s nothing like the expected forecast. We were so lucky!

This is Cafe Röst that we found on the harbour for lunch. It was amazing!

Iceland is not cheap!!

This is a maple and sage latte with and Iceland pancake, which has rhubarb jam and cream in it. It was £9.20 for the pancake and £6.36 for the coffee!

To be fair, that wasn’t too bad and it was amazing and we didn’t grudge it as the view and atmosphere were pretty special.

Craig’s Honey and Cinnamon Rue Toast was also £9.20!!

We then did loads more sight seeing and stopped for an early bite of dinner. Loved this photo of Craig in Einstökbar.

Here’s the handsome barman as he called himself 😆 again a lovely atmosphere an what a welcome.

We were able to order Latin food from the restaurant next door. We got ceviche – a shrimp and a duck one.

That plate was £17.94!!!!!!! Here’s me laughing when we sussed it out after we’ve eaten.

I’m on the alcohol free and I loved it.

Will finish up for now. Loads more to show you but I don’t have the energy!!

We are on a full 14 hour day trip tomorrow to the Jökulsárlón Glacier Lake so I definitely won’t get a blog out tomorrow. I know that none of you mind. I can’t keep enough phone battery for photos and blog writing. The photos have to take precedence 😆

I haven’t taken the antidepressants yet and I’ve been remarkably calm today despite being so far away from my comfort zone.

I also think I’ve managed the day without being a jerk. 🤷🏻‍♀️

There’s still time I guess 😂

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿✈️🇮🇸

What a lovely Sunday and so nice to get ready late afternoon to head out.

I can’t tell you how much I felt out my comfort zone at the thought of a gig in the Glasgow Hydro…… with all of those people….. and yet when the day came I was looking forward to it and actually really enjoyed being in the centre of Glasgow (almost) for a night.

The clouds were so ominous last night! The hydro is directly behind the Armadillo but you can’t see it in this photo.

I was too nervous to drive in. It was all around the parking etc…. I have never been THAT person, yet here I am now. More than happy to drive out of the parking space that Craig selected and drive home… not an issue at all.

Here’s my favourite Paddle Steamer Waverley moored at the Glasgow Science Centre. A bit moody in the direct sunlight.

It was a lovely evening.

Here’s the Hydro.

Now Tom Segura, that we went to see is really strict on mobile phones at the show. They tell you in the queue to get in. There are signs everywhere when you’re in and announcements made to put your phone away.

We probably had about an hour and half ish to wait for the support to come on. There was something really nice about not delving straight into your phone, though not gonna lie…. Did get a bit boring just watching the auditorium fill up.

Tom was only on stage for just over an hour. It went very quickly and I thought it fell a bit flat in an auditorium of that size. I think he is usually WAY funnier than that. Craig commented that he thought we were a bit short changed. (At £7.85 a pint, he wasn’t wrong!)

A few photos on the way back to the car. It’s still not completely dark about 9.50pm.

And yet today is has rained and rained and rained.

I’ve been super over reactive today. I should say here, in my defence, I didn’t think so at the time, but on reflection…. Yup.

The roads were empty on the way to Tartan today. Don’t think many other businesses were opened.

And still it rained and rained and rained and rained, so I was glad I didn’t take it as a holiday.

I noticed Abbie the camper van has something hanging down underneath on one soggy trip to the toilet!

Happy days.

I can’t pull it off and it’s not touching the ground like it looks here. I brought it in to the yard and got some cardboard out the bin, so I could lie down under the van to get a good look…. Still raining!

Driving back home I had a great phone catch up with Gayle after her holidays! That really helped to take me out of my funk.

Back home I decided to take the dogs for a walk after work….the rain had almost stopped so I just went in my work gear.

Everything looks so green and fresh after the rain. About 3 minutes after this photo was taken the heavens opened and it just lashed down.

It was sooooo lovely getting absolutely and uncontrollably soaked. It put a smile on my grumpy face today.

I could barely open my eyes the rain was so heavy and just pouring into them.

All dogs into dog robes when we got home and I had to wring everything out!!!

Wet dogs are everywhere!!

I made dinner… and it was healthy… check me and I’m about to start finalising my packing for Iceland 🇮🇸

It’s difficult when you’ve not been away for so long and we are squeezing into hand luggage…. But I better go and get on with it now. I’ve put it off for long enough!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Turns out I do not self combust when I go out out for dinner and drinks. I also did not crumble with waves of stomach churning anxiety… guess what?!? I actually had a really great time!

Who’d a actually thunk it?!?

I think we’ve all established that I’m exceptionally hard on myself and I am always very serious when it comes to my rules and boundaries. That’s a full time job in itself!! It’s no wonder I’m knackered half the time.

I know I need to have more “fun” but that word fills me with dread somehow.

My rules don’t allow fun into the equation. There are too many to be followed.

So…. I stand corrected.

We literally just laughed all night. Craig went to the Fit Body Farm with Lindsay back before I started.

Turns out her partner Ewen/Ewan/Euan (really should have clarified that…) used to work in the same company as me back in the early 2000’s. He knew loads of the same people I did though we didn’t know each other. What a small world. (Just stalked him on FB…. Euan! 😂)

We went to the Canny Man in Lugton. It’s changed name and hands a few times since we’ve lived here.

The service was exceptional. So relaxed and friendly. Great banter and great pub food. Highly recommended!

I had garlic prawns to start and Craig had cheesy mushrooms.

I had the black and blue burger for mains and Craig had a salt and chilli chicken burger. Scoffed before I realised I hadn’t taken photos. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Then Lindsay and I both had the rocky road sundae. Yum!!

What blew me away was the bottle of alcohol free prosecco that I got with dinner. I was so chuffed. I didn’t feel the odd one out but drinking Diet Coke when the others were drinking. So many places only do alcohol free beer these days.

It’s the simple things.

So I’ve had a lovely day today.

I can honestly say that I have spent the day present in the moment neither worrying about my meltdown last week, or stressing about things to come.

Just here and now.

Calm.

We were up early as usual and I got all the hoovering done. I wanted to clean before our lovely in-laws came to stay next week. Also to eradicate the moulting dog hair as it’s that time again.

Claire and I went a walk with all 3 puppers and watched them play in the burn for a while. Loving life!

I love Freya’s cheeky look!

We then walked to Mocha Jak’s coffee shop and Claire very kindly bought me a DECAF coffee and a brownie!

The dogs were great and sat quietly while we ate. So proud of them.

Look what this little monkey did to my leggings!!!

That’s how bad it is!

So I should say it’s been a lovely day and warm. Not always sunny but it’s so nice to feel the warmth on your skin…. Really for the first time this year. I have actual shorts on!!

Since we came home I’ve hung washings out, put the dishwasher on and mostly lounged about…. Inside and out. I did lie down on a clean dog bed for a bit out the back (as you do when you are desperate!) until I crawled into the spare bed in an effort to sleep. I haven’t slept but I have rested and just “been”.

We are out tonight again!! A school night too. Breaks ALL the rules that does.

A comedy gig in the Glasgow Hydro. Tom Segura. Last week I was terrified at the thought.

Today I am looking forward to another good giggle and if I’m tired tomorrow, that is ok, I can sleep tomorrow night. It’s not the end of the world.

Long may this new found flippancy continue. Actually I say that like it’s a bad thing but I mean in a good way. Mrs tightly wound up is nowhere to be seen right now.

And breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Turns out I do not self combust when I go out out for dinner and drinks. I also did not crumble with waves of stomach churning anxiety… guess what?!? I actually had a really great time!

Who’d a actually thunk it?!?

I think we’ve all established that I’m exceptionally hard on myself and I am always very serious when it comes to my rules and boundaries. That’s a full time job in itself!! It’s no wonder I’m knackered half the time.

I know I need to have more “fun” but that word fills me with dread somehow.

My rules don’t allow fun into the equation. There are too many to be followed.

So…. I stand corrected.

We literally just laughed all night. Craig went to the Fit Body Farm with Lindsay back before I started.

Turns out her partner Ewen/Ewan/Euan (really should have clarified that…) used to work in the same company as me back in the early 2000’s. He knew loads of the same people I did though we didn’t know each other. What a small world. (Just stalked him on FB…. Euan! 😂)

We went to the Canny Man in Lugton. It’s changed name and hands a few times since we’ve lived here.

The service was exceptional. So relaxed and friendly. Great banter and great pub food. Highly recommended!

I had garlic prawns to start and Craig had cheesy mushrooms.

I had the black and blue burger for mains and Craig had a salt and chilli chicken burger. Scoffed before I realised I hadn’t taken photos. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Then Lindsay and I both had the rocky road sundae. Yum!!

What blew me away was the bottle of alcohol free prosecco that I got with dinner. I was so chuffed. I didn’t feel the odd one out but drinking Diet Coke when the others were drinking. So many places only do alcohol free beer these days.

It’s the simple things.

So I’ve had a lovely day today.

I can honestly say that I have spent the day present in the moment neither worrying about my meltdown last week, or stressing about things to come.

Just here and now.

Calm.

We were up early as usual and I got all the hoovering done. I wanted to clean before our lovely in-laws came to stay next week. Also to eradicate the moulting dog hair as it’s that time again.

Claire and I went a walk with all 3 puppers and watched them play in the burn for a while. Loving life!

I love Freya’s cheeky look!

We then walked to Mocha Jak’s coffee shop and Claire very kindly bought me a DECAF coffee and a brownie!

The dogs were great and sat quietly while we ate. So proud of them.

Look what this little monkey did to my leggings!!!

That’s how bad it is!

So I should say it’s been a lovely day and warm. Not always sunny but it’s so nice to feel the warmth on your skin…. Really for the first time this year. I have actual shorts on!!

Since we came home I’ve hung washings out, put the dishwasher on and mostly lounged about…. Inside and out. I did lie down on a clean dog bed for a bit out the back (as you do when you are desperate!) until I crawled into the spare bed in an effort to sleep. I haven’t slept but I have rested and just “been”.

We are out tonight again!! A school night too. Breaks ALL the rules that does.

A comedy gig in the Glasgow Hydro. Tom Segura. Last week I was terrified at the thought.

Today I am looking forward to another good giggle and if I’m tired tomorrow, that is ok, I can sleep tomorrow night. It’s not the end of the world.

Long may this new found flippancy continue. Actually I say that like it’s a bad thing but I mean in a good way. Mrs tightly wound up is nowhere to be seen right now.

And breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

This historic day sees the Coronation of the 62nd British monarch and the 40th to be crowned in Westminster Abbey in London.

All of these photos have been snapshot from live BBC tv today.

The programme started about 7am I think, and I watched some of it before I left at 9.10am. Finally got a quick catch up with Gayle today as she’s back from holiday. She’s looking all suntanned but didn’t land until 11pm in Glasgow last night, so she much be shattered. We got a new delivery of lua bags today too.

Now of course I loved every single one of these as they are exactly my colour.

The scarves are lovely too. Such good quality.

So we were busy in the shop today. I didn’t expect to be but apparently lots of people either not watching the coronation live or not watching it at all.

I had it on my phone so I could see the actual coronation and managed to snap a few photos.

The whole ceremony took about 2 hours. We really are the masters of pomp and circumstance in the UK. This ceremony was steeped in tradition. even being the 40th monarch to be crowned in the Abbey is really something. Especially considering that we had the last queen for 70 years!!

There had been a lot of speculation recently that the service would ask everyone to pledge allegiance to the King, which seems a bit antiquated in this day and age. The wording was amended to give people the right not to say it which I thought was very well put. Just to be clear here.

Even if I thought the pledge seemed a bit old fashioned, if I’d been at the coronation, I’m sure I’d have said it! 😆

So I’m home and sitting down for an hour or so. We’re heading out for dinner at 4.30 to the new restaurant, The Canny Man along the road, with friends. Will update on that tomorrow!!

Stay safe everyone 🤴🏻👑🇬🇧

A lovely wee catch up with Lea last night. Check me being out late and not in my jammies until after 9pm. That’s a theme for this weekend…. 😬

So yesterday wasn’t without its issues. I may have said but I was very dizzy walking around the shopping centre. I’m hoping it’s just the anxiety. I could feel waves of panic rising every now and then. It’s a very physical feeling, it’s not just in my head while it may actually be created IN my head.

I’ve a very busy weekend coming up and I’m already anxious that I don’t have time for rest. That said, we’re doing some lovely normal person things which will be tonic in their own way. I know that, I say that and yet the physical manifestation inside of me feels very different.

I called the doctor this morning, got through AND got an appointment. The receptionist said the doc would call between 8.30 and 9.30.

Something must have come up…. She didn’t call.

Though this has given me a lot of food for thought…

This life is 100% my responsibility and yet I seem to have times when I have to fight this evil twin in my head who tells me otherwise.

Only I can fix this. Only I can find the ways to fight this. The key is to use the tools when the physical feelings wash over you. That adrenaline rush you should only experience when something really bad happens.

I feel like I’m starting to be consumed by worry again rather than focussing on the positive of the present moment.

I’ve done lots of box breathing since Kinesiology on Tuesday. In for a count of 4, hold for 4, out for 4 and hold for 4. It works to a certain extent but I feel breathless sometimes.

Anyway, I’m back in The little gift shop today and that’s always food for my soul.

Look at the lovely Coronation window the Lindsay did through the week! We’ve sold so many of the wee gifts that we got in.

Looks like only 3 mugs left!

I have to admit that King Charles’ Coronation is completely passing me by. The shop will be open tomorrow and Tartan is open Monday. Just another weekend really. I am conscious that this is an historic occasion and I would like to watch it. Craig said there may be the odd highlight on TV so it’s not like I’ll miss it completely. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

The doctor finally calls me at 12 and I have a customer in. I ring straight back when I’m free. Too late. I have another call on Tuesday afternoon less than 12 hours before we fly to Iceland 🇮🇸. I’m not angry as there is no sense in that.

I’ve tried to get an eye test and they’re all full until Monday so I won’t get one before we go.

I am certain that this is all in my head and the fact that nothing’s working out appointment wise, is because I know that I can fix this on my own.

I did a post on a FB group called Menopause Warriors Scotland to talk about how I was feeling and one lady said “the one thing we need to accept is that we cannot control the menopause, once we are acceptance of that, we will manage it better”

That actually gives me some peace.

When the feelings get bad, I always scramble to make sense of it. To try to fix it. I very rarely just let it be.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

So in some other good news, I’ve made £152 for my selling spree on Vinted last weekend.

Also randomly, as this blog started out all about Covid-19… the World Health Organisation have officially declared it over.

So what was that? Just over 3 years? Who’d a thunk it at the time?!

I’m sitting on the couch, comfies on and I’m knackered. It’s been a good day in the shop! I just a bit fragile.

This too shall pass.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Oooh another late one. It’s 8.35 and I’m sitting in the car park at Silverburn shopping centre!

Just met my pal Lea for coffee (DECAF!!!) and a bit of shopping. I’ve had an ok ish day but have felt really dizzy today, particularly on the shops.

We’ve had a lovely time, a great catch up and a good giggle.

I was sitting on a little munchkin seat! she messaged me at work today to tell me that her hair was a mess. I walked out a changing room in tkmaxx expecting some monster… and there she was sitting outside the changing room looking all smart , thin and lovely!!

We had a wee try on and giggle in New Look!

Models own T-shirt….. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😂

I LOVE these next trousers…. I actually bought them as they are so different but comfy!

It’s great to have a good catch up. We met in 1999 I reckon and have been great friends ever since. Lea’s been there every step of the way with way wiser words for me than I have in my own head.

She’s a keeper. It was so good to laugh!

Sorry it’s a quickie. Least I’m not moaning…. 😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Oooh I did not sleep well last night. So many thoughts buzzing round in my head. Up at 12 for the loo. Craig asked me if I’d slept well…. He had no concept it was midnight!

Finally awake at 4.15am.

Kinesiology was great last night. I was pretty upset but we worked on…

“Manifesting problems are crippling me”

My heightened anxiety means that I make everything harder than it needs to be. I’m catastrophising all the time. Assuming the worst, hearing the worst, picking up on negative vibes from everywhere.

Health Kinesiology is almost impossible to explain. It’s a little bit off the wall and cookie at times so hey, it suits me just fine.

We worked on my anxiety to improve my quality of life.

I believe I don’t deserve happiness in relation to anxiety… that hit me between the eyes. I see it as such a da ilure.

My fight or flight response is on high alert. I need to try to think of this as rest and digest instead…. Tone it right back down.

Health Kinesiology takes the stress out of the anxiety for me and I have LOADS of homework to do!

I’ve been ok today. I feel very tired and quiet, a bit shell shocked at how bad I felt yesterday. There were a few wobbles first thing but I’ve written down everything I did at work today and how long it took me, in an attempt to see where my time goes. I’ve enjoyed doing it. Not sure I’ll be able to do it everyday but it is interesting to see.

After work, Rachel two doors down, popped in and we finalised the Village Hall Accounts for this year.

I told her it’s amazing for me to watch her doing everything without second guessing it and worrying she can’t find stuff…. 😆🤗

Of to meet the Crochet Hookers now and I’m late!!

Stay safe everyone 🧶🧶🧶

This is exactly how I felt this morning…. My head all over the place again, nervous about facing my day.

I am not gonna lie down to this. I’ve worked far too hard to get back from it. I had a few quiet tears before I headed off to work.

The only saving grace about working a bank holiday is the traffic. The roads were lovely and quiet. I made the most of the present moment and concentrated on enjoying the drive in.

I see the same cars most mornings, there are three that I’ve made names from their number plates. Gwiigan must have had bank holiday Monday off as I didn’t see him today!

Can you believe it’s May already? Craig and I fly to Iceland in 9 days!!!! It seemed like an eternity away when we booked it in November. Really need to think about what on earth we are taking with us in hand luggage!!! Wearing the same clothes for 3 days methinks…. We have not been abroad since…… gonna have to go away and ponder this and get back to you.

I’ve actually had a really good day considering my wobbly start.

I fasted for 22 hours!!! I started yesterday afternoon at 3pm after a huge lunch…. And just kept going. Not been hungry today at all.

It will do me good after my dreadful eating this last week or so. Stuffing my face with chocolate and cakes because I’ve felt so low.

I’m late with writing this as I’ve been a busy bee around the house! I had to sort out the kitchen and sunroom as they had become a dumping round in order to have a lovely dining room.

It is just a case of moving stuff around just now until it finally falls into the right places. The camping stuff in the dogs room needs sorted out so it can be stored properly and let us make space for the other displaced things. We basically had a whole office full of things that don’t really have a place anymore. I really enjoyed getting it all clean. It really helps my head though I do admit to being grumpy that we let it get into that state in the first place…. Hey I’m no angel 😂😘

We are both loving the new house layout. It really feels like such a change.

Craig’s mum sent this today…. Made me giggle.

So yeah I’ve actually had a good day today. I don’t feel tired. I’ve been focussed and driven to do stuff after work which I haven’t felt like all of last week.

Isn’t it funny how we can be down one day and up the next for no apparent reason?!

I’ll take it any day of the week….

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I had a really great sleep in Abbie the Campervan. I don’t always on my first night camping in a while, but I was so tired, I was out like a light about 9pm.

I had gone for an early evening walk last night. It’s really mild despite being cloudy and misty.

There’s Abbie up on the hill!

There were some guys from the campsite walking their dogs off lead. They had already spooked one of the horses in the field and sent it charging across the field.

Next thing I hear crazy barking down in the forest. Incessant barking and these two wee bambi guys head straight towards me!

As soon as they spotted me they about turned and careered in the opposite direction… almost back towards the dogs. They were really spooked.

Now I am a dog owner as you know. I am also Craig’s worst client but I would never be cocky enough to walk the dogs off lead if I thought they could create this much havoc.

To be fair to the owners, next time I saw them all, the dogs were on the lead.

I sent this to Craig. Maybe a good idea for a Scottish Dog Behaviourist post?!

When I got back, the lights were on!

The house looks very pretty!

There was only one incident through the night at 2.45am. I woke up to the sound of folk shouting but I think they were just drunk. I hadn’t heard a peep up until then… then a car left.

I fell back to sleep, woke at 6 and lay till after 8. It’s so peaceful apart from one dog barking…. A lot. Again not sure why the owners don’t stop that.

I headed off for a run about 9am. It’s really misty and damp but not raining, like it was forecast which is good. Everything looks really green after the rain through the early hours.

This next one is very blurry… trying to catch a bounding bunny while jogging!!

There were loads of them but this was the best shot I got. It was lovely to see them all hopping around.

Zoomed back up to the campsite.

I thought this was really beautiful. So old and mossy….

Back to the van for some peppermint tea, been fasting since 6pm last night and still going well. I sat about for a bit and watched the comings and goings on the campsite then got packed up and ready to head.

My plan was to go to the Devil’s Pulpit but there were no parking spaces. It’s one of those locations that has double yellow parking lines for at least 2 miles in every direction so there is no way you can stop. I was gutted as I’ve seen so many photos and I could only drive over the top of it.

I set the satnav for home and came to a huge car park which turned out to be the Queen’s View and the Whangie…. The most unusual name ever!

I donned the hikies at set off up the hill into the mist.

I’m not sure whether they had a fire here or whether it was controlled burning or not? It it was…. They did manage to burn the fence which you would think they shouldn’t have done!

There’s a stunning view from up here! Honestly!

I still had a lovely walk. It was so calm and quiet. You couldn’t see anyone coming until they appeared out of the mist.

I didn’t do the whole Whangie (?!?!?) as it would have taken about 2.5 hours. I just had a half hour climb up and back down.

I have pinched this photo from Google. This is what I should have been seeing!

Time for lunch!

I sat around in the car park for a while and then headed for home… via Asda for the food shop!

When I got home, the dining room is done!!

I turned the table around!

Craig’s also filled loads of Kilner jars and put them on the shelf. It’s turning into a dining room and larder, and extension to the kitchen. I love it!

So does Bhru!

I do not feel right today. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I’m feeling a lot of fear. I was nervous driving, angry at the parking situation at the Devil’s pulpit, nervous in Asda… my heart is beating out of my chest on a day when I should feeling really choked and relaxed. People scare me. I was so antsy in the supermarket. I’ve not felt anxiety like this for a while.

I don’t know why. I feel sad and tired. I feel like I don’t want to type any of this but I have to get it out. Down on “paper”.

So despite all of that. I still did what I did this weekend. I think I’m sad because I found some of it difficult. I spend my whole life wanting to go away and when I do it’s not as easy or “romantic” as I expect it to be.

Sorry. I don’t like it when I’m not buzzing with joy in the blog…. But some days are just a wee bit harder than others.

I might just go for a nap.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Slept like a log again. Awake as the Scottish Dog Behaviourist’s alarm went off at 6am… on a Saturday. 🤦🏻‍♀️😆

I’m sooooo tired today. I’m thinking of going away overnight but can’t decide one way or the other. I have so many rules…. It has to be near the sea, quiet, not too far a drive as it’s only one night, preferably the west of Scotland and preferably North, not sure I fancy doing the side of Loch Lomond drive again…. Jeez… no wonder I can’t pick anywhere. Every campsite I find doesn’t tick one of my boxes…. I just need to decide which one is able to give.

I had to try and get to a bank this week to pay a cheque in, so I decided to head before work and be in Johnstone for the Bank of Scotland opening at 9am.

Honestly, the anxiety this morning has been overwhelming. I had a huge list of what if’s…. All of them ridiculous… all of them with a “but I know that won’t happen”…. I also had Craig’s car as he was using Abbie the Campervan to pick up a dining table this morning. (More about that when the room it’s going to be in, is tidier 😆)

Concerns were mainly centred on not getting back to the shop in time but so many more. What if I couldn’t get parked? I did. What if I didn’t take the right documentation with me? I only needed my bank card and I had it. What if I’d gone all that way and they wouldn’t accept the cheque? They did. What if I did the wrong thing in the bank? LIKE WHAT?!?!?!???!

Added to that driving his car….. 😳🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I stood outside the bank front door for precisely 6 minutes before they opened the door. I blithered a whole diatribe of giggly, nervous words to the lady who opened the door (I am actually laughing at that now!) and I just rabbited my way through the whole process.

As I walked away from my 4 minute transaction, adrenaline flooded through me and I felt really dizzy, like I would faint and I started to cry as I walked out onto the street. My heart was pounding.

I’m sorry but what the actual ****?!?!?!?!

There are days when I do really despair at my reaction to simple, everyday life. Now on the list… fear of banking transactions?!?! Said no one ever!!

I got to The little gift shop at 9.20 and a lady asked me about our bag sale as I was opening the shutter door…. and said she’d come back…. No, no, no, don’t be daft, in you come and I’ll get the lights on. Not turning anyone away because a light isn’t on!

The shop hasn’t stopped ALL day. I am buzzing with the excitement of seeing my total at the end of the shift. I want Gayle to be lying on her sun lounger really proud of what we’ve done.

And I’ve come close to my best Saturday morning. Easily!

By the time I get home I am shattered. I decide not to go away. I’ve lost Craig and the dogs so I sit down on the couch and breathe. I am certain I’ll end up having a nap this afternoon.

Of course it turns out he is walking them. I tell him I’m planning to just stay home when he comes back.

Then I had a thought and I asked him what he had been planning to do if I’d gone away….. he had such a nice wee evening planned that I decided I was going to head away and chill out in the van so he could have a wee evening without me being tired and moany and I could have a quiet night crocheting in the van.

Where to go…….. 🤪😂😂😂😂😂😂

I finally booked the Mountain View & Retreat only 38 minutes from the house. The sea had to give to allow me a shorter drive.

They called me straight away to say the campsite wasn’t open yet 😳 and I was to come to the West Highland Way campsite. So after finally choosing one, I’m on a completely different one! But that is ok….

So here I am.

The guy made a big fuss of me and said I was his first booking on the new site and he hugged me for that… 😬

Unfortunately it’s waterlogged. Earlier he’d said it was not quite open yet. Not sure which is true but he’s given me the best pitch on the site, so I can’t complain… not that I would anyway. 😬😆

It’s a surprisingly busy site with lots of cars coming and going. I’ve been here since 4ish and was going to go for a big walk but crawled into the van an hour or so ago and just sat curled up in a blanket. It will be a super early night!!

This is the reception area… spot the gorgeous chocolate lab.

The Aurora Borealis is likely to kick off tonight but it’s super cloudy which is a shame.

I’m at a bit of an angle so will have to turn the bed around the opposite way tonight so my feet are below my head 😆 I’m as snug as a bug in a rug and very colourful, it would seem.

I also have my running gear for the morning but it’s meant to be pouring so we’ll see how that goes. (I have my running gear?!? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂)

After all my weird anxieties I am at peace…..

Oh my god red alert for Aurora just came through!!!!!

Nope still daylight. Back to being at peace…. Electric hook up spoiling my pic!

Then all of a sudden I have horses… lovely!

Stay safe everyone 🚐🏕️🌲

I have the Conn…. as they say in Star Trek. (I think it’s an old naval term but I’m sticking with Star Trek…. 😂)

Gayle is on holiday this week and I’m in charge at The little gift shop Beith. It’s been a good day with lots of lovely customers!

Lots of new stock came in today and is already priced and out on the shelves!

New James and Co diffusers…. We have one of these behind the till when I started back in September…. It’s still smelling lovely though no oil left. That’s nearly 8 months. Not bad for £11.

Gin and whisky merch!

These are lovely just in time for King Charles’ coronation.

I’d kinda forgotten we had a King now…. Still sounds very strange to say that!

I had a great sleep…. First night off the progesterone…. It should have been the second night off but I’d done one too many. But hey…. Woke up just after 5.30 and had a generally lazy morning until I got ready for the shop.

It’s been smirry rain all day and everyone has complained about the weather. It’s a very British thing to do. 😂

I’ve had some LOVELY chats with customers today. really lovely. One lady has the busiest weekend and I’m actually stressed out for her… as I write this, sitting with my feet up, waiting for a takeaway to arrive. 😆

My head’s been good today. Long may that continue.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I have a lot more patience with myself today.

I realised this morning that I get completely overwhelmed when I don’t feel right. I guess it’s maybe a fear that the bad days are coming back.

I don’t feel like I’m worrying about that at the time, but upon reflection, I do have a fair amount of anxiety about not feeling well.

That’s one of the main reasons for writing this blog…. Journalling really helps you understand your emotions. It helps you see some sense in a fuddled mind.

I am much more patient with myself today. (You’ve already said that…. 😆)

I manage to write a list first thing this morning and work through it with clarity. There are things I want to get finished before bank holiday Monday when most of our suppliers will be off work. I tick lots of it off the list even before 9am.

It’s a good day in my head.

I’m still dizzy at times but my head isn’t sore today. Craig’s is though. Oops. 😬🙄

Oh I got a mention from Butterflies and Pebbles who wrote this next one!! She said she loved The Rambling Sloth name. I felt a wee bit proud 🥹

I feel like she writes everything that I need to see! Isn’t that another lovely one she’s a fresh follow on FB and has just brought out a book called The Power of Mess.

Home via my Nail Chick tonight (😆 that’s what she called herself and I like it!) toes painted and straight back into my thick black socks and boots…. They’re a lovely, bright orangey red.

So Christmas onesie on now (coz that soooo goes with summer toes)…. Dinner’s in the oven and I’ll be wrapped up in my blanket straight after it.

I’m on my own in The little gift shop for the next two days as Gayle is on holiday. Got to be refreshed and ready for that!

Oh and it poured with rain all day today. Just in case you were missing my weather forecast!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’m writing this wrapped in a blanket in my “Christmas” onesie…. Totally out of season but it’s the first time I’ve been warm since I got home.

And we just had a mini explosion in the house as Craig moved his laptop! I screamed. A loud pop and a flash….. 💥💥💥

That did nothing for my nervous disposition today!

What a day….. I went to bed with a headache and woke with a headache. I haven’t been able to shift it all day.

I’ve felt dizzy on and off all day. I’ve thought my vision has been blurred at times. I’ve had brain fog and almost want to shake my head to clear the cotton wool feeling.

I came home to a plate of sandwiches from Holly next door, left over from something in the pub. I nearly cried with relief that I didn’t have to cook dinner. Total overreaction but soooooo grateful for them!

Now I should say here. I did a bit of reminiscing to my old working life today and I can honestly say that todays bad day is NOTHING compared to the bad days I have had. I am absolutely fine.

It’s been lovely weather. Beautiful sunshine, though cold. I also noticed that everything is really starting to bud now. The trees are growing greener every day.

(Laptop update, it was the charging cable that’s blown…. New one plugged in and all good! )

I listened to Eckhart Tolle on the way home. He always calms me down. My ego has been caught up in the drama of feeling rotten today. How funny that his podcast said that today. It released all the tension as soon as I realised that was true.

So hey, it’s nothing that a massage and a good sleep won’t fix…. So it’ll have to just be the sleep… and the Christmas onesie obviously 🙄😂😘

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

The best sleep last night. Woke at 5am, when the Scottish Dog Behaviourist got up and felt like I wouldn’t get back to sleep.

My mind was racing with all the thoughts of the coming day. I tried to pull myself back into the present moment and appreciate that I could still lie in bed for another hour or so.

I actually thought how it would feel if I jumped in to bed on a Saturday afternoon for a nap. I am aware of a completely different feeling wash over me. Rather than the Monday morning stress of desperately trying to sleep when you know you have to get up in an hour, I snuggled down and appreciated an afternoon cozy nap.

I had to fight the Monday morning feeling a few times but I ultimately relaxed more than I was.

I went into work early to get my Vinted sales ready for posting. I’ve order shipping bags but they won’t come until tomorrow and two of the girls who bought from me wanted the parcels really quickly.

I found my anxiety really mounting.

What if I send the wrong thing to the wrong person, what if they are not clean enough, what if there are too many dog hairs when the parcel arrives, what if, what if, what if?!?!

I had some bags from the house and cut a big one up in work to make the other two. What if I’m not wrapping them properly? What if they rip? What if? What if? What if?

They have to be sent with Evri and we have an Evri depot across from work. The guy who delivers from us has always said if we have anything then just to pop over with it.

I cannot tell you how hard I find that….. walking out the yard and over their car park. Even writing this at 7.20pm I feel the anxiety welling up inside of me.

I know it is ridiculous. I feel everyone is watching me as I walk across their huge car park…. Which stretches for miles as I start to cross it. It keeps getting longer. Folk in the warehouse are looking at me wondering what on earth I am doing.

The welcome from our normal Evri man seems like a figment of my imagination….

The guy I speak to looks at me like I have three heads. He has never heard of the concept of someone dropping off parcels for onward delivery… 🤦🏻‍♀️

He takes my bag out of my hand, extremely reluctantly. He walks across to a big bin-like crate, and dumps them in, walks back to me, hands me my bag and his work is done.

I, on the other hand, dissolve inside like the world is about to end. My precious parcels are dumped in a tub and as far as I know, they might never be seen again!!!!

I know…… I hear myself but honestly I cannot tell you how bad it feels at the time.

It’s like a panic attack. The anxiety ripples and waves through me.

I called Craig on the way back to talk me down.

After all this time I still need someone else to tell me it will be ok….. even if I have to tell them that they just have to tell me it will be ok!! (Read that again if you have to…. It does make sense eventually!!)

A few things in work continue this new anxiety thing but eventually I settle down into the rhythm of the day.

Around 11am I get 4 notifications that my parcels have been scanned. I actually laugh out loud!!

Work was good, but busy with visitors so I didn’t touch much of what I needed to do.

I didn’t finish up until 4.30 but I met some lovely people today. One woman and I are convinced we’ve met before but neither of us could place it…. Funny when that happens.

I stayed on to wash Abbie the camper van as she was soooo dirty.

Just noticed the reflection of the Tartan Campers logo!

Home for some lovely Craigie venison lasagne and garlic bread. Very grateful to come home to such a lovely dinner. He’s awright sometimes really. 🙄😂😘

Now doing a face mask that randomly matches my hoodie.

And relax!

Stay safe everyone 💙💙💙

Well I had no idea that day 1111 was just around the corner. You’d think I’d have sussed it eh?!? Not…. a…. clue…. 😂

So on a day with a memorable number, I usually like to do a wee stat recap… so that I can find it when I look back. It seems appropriate to a bit of reflection on day 1111.

Having had to leave work in a puddle of tears in September 2018, and being made redundant in February 2020, I’ve managed to achieve the following…

• 1,571 days without alcohol
• 1,111 days writing a daily blog
• 755 days since I started working in Tartan Campers
• 617 days without any form of antidepressants
• 178 days on HRT
• 1 day since my first drag show 😂

I don’t give myself much credit but the bit that really gets me is the amount of time off the anti-depressants. I can’t get my head around that as I relied on them so heavily for so much of my adult life.

I’m so proud of that. I have fought so very hard to get better, even on the days where I felt like I couldn’t go on.

Also the giving up drink living next door to the village pub… that’s taken some sheer grit, determination and willpower.

I could have a drink now if I wanted but I finally realised that I am choosing not to. I much prefer the me that isn’t always looking for the next glass of wine.

Mental Health is a difficult one… if you really want to fix it you have to find a treatment yourself, and pay for it, despite us having the NHS and work bloody hard, when every bit of you just wants to give up. You have to take control when you are at your lowest ebb. I put on 4 stone and am thankfully slowly losing it now. Jeez it was such a rough time and I’m so grateful for how I feel now. It’s such a relief to be in a good place mentally.

I’m getting through all of this on chocolate alone 😆🙄 and I ain’t giving that up anytime soon!!! (obviously there’s the free therapy at The little gift shop too 🤗💜♥️)

So, back to my day, well yesterday to start… a quick photo of the Village Hall Committee with our drag Queen!

We were up at 6am this morning and I decided to start putting things up for sale on Vinted.

I had a lovely wee surprise when I realised it had £67 in my Vinted account from the last time I sold things.

Who knew?!?! I did wonder where the money went when I sold stuff before but never really checked up properly…. Julie half a job, I know…. I know Claire next door has just rolled her eyes and laughed hard at this 🙄😆😘💜

I’ve already sold 2 pairs of hiking boots, a pair of Converse and a pair of Montane walking trousers. Some of it sold within minutes of putting them up for sale. People have been messaging all day.

We’ve tidied and cleaned but the house, after our room move but it’s still very much a work in progress.

We finally sat down for a lovely coffee and chocolate at 2pm.

I took the dogs out on two separate walks this afternoon. Calaidh first…. With her frisbee….. which she only let go of once, the whole walk!!

Craig snapped us from the living room window! The frisbee is now very muddy and a lot less red!

Then it was Bhruic and Freya’s turn and I took a tennis ball up into the field.

I love that they take it turn about and know they have to wait.

So that’s been my Sunday… oh we had the loveliest dinner… leftovers from the village pub again. We are soooo lucky!

So that’s the weekend almost over. It’s been a good one.

Oh and we didn’t get the big UK alert… after all that excitement…. we are with 3 mobile….

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I didn’t feel good when I first opened my eyes this morning. I felt very tired and sad. My head felt really foggy again.

I put my eye mask back on (these things are a godsend!) and rolled over.

All I kept thinking about was a lack of time….

I have so many things that I want to do but I am working all the time (not true!) and when I’m not working I am very carefully planning my rest time. I’m tired.

I’m already thinking it’s Saturday morning and by tomorrow night it’s time for work again on Monday.

No gratitude for, what is, a lovely time of the week for me.

I fought the “to dog jog or not to dog jog” this morning and figured that I did actually need the rest. I had a quick look at The Rambling Sloth FB feed.

This ♥️

I lay there and thought this over and over in my head. I tried to silently meditate and push all negative thought away.

I don’t think I slept again but when I did get up I felt completely different. My head is clear, I feel a little buzz of excitement for the day ahead.

I stripped the bed and got it in the machine…. it’s washed and hung up to dry before I head to The little gift shop.

I enjoyed getting ready for work. A bit extra makeup as I’m out this afternoon.

Always amazes me how my Fb is set up… “quit complaining and count your blessings. Exactly what I needed to see!!

I took this lovely photo the other night but forgot to post it yesterday. There was a lovely sunset sky outside, Craig had an old paraffin lantern, that’s he’s cleaned up, burning away on the window ledge. With the birth light of the tv… He’s relaxing back watching tv under his crochet blanket. I love how a photo builds up like that.

This is my new view 😂

So this afternoon’s entertainment was something else!! A drag act in the village hall.

Well….. my ears are ringing…. I’ve felt a huge wave of different emotions today but most of all I am really glad that I stepped right out of my comfort zone.

Sat in the village hall with most folk drinking and a drag act stripping off in front of us…. Honestly is my idea of hell. I went from cringing to the point of building abs as my stomach was pulled in so tight, to laughing and singing and then cringing all over again.

Honestly, his sound system really let him down and we couldn’t hear much of what he said….. and he wasn’t the best (not that I have any comparison) but…. The sound of so many women singing along to his songs was pretty special. I love everyone joining in. I got loads of videos to share with the girls.

Here are my “dates” for the day, Evelyn and Shelagh. I’m so grateful to them for coming with me.

Here’s our table.

3 of the girls were great and got up with him. That really made it. They were brilliant!!

We had a lovely lunch provided by the Gateside Inn. I had pate and oatcakes to start and chicken in peppercorn sauce with rice. Super tasty!

I’ve had a laugh, I’ve had a giggle, I’ve cringed, I’ve sung my wee heart out. I don’t do stuff like that anymore. I’m super proud of myself for going and I’m sure my stomach will hurt tomorrow with all that cringing 😂😂😂

And finally….

Don’t forget that in the UK our phones are going to blast out an emergency alert at 3pm tomorrow. (23rd April).

Also so grateful that I totally turned my mood around. ♥️

Happy Saturday night.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️