Yeah so that happened today…… In all my years of anxiety and depression I had not quite managed to cry at a checkout in a store. First time for everything and sincerely hoping it’s the last.

Heaven forbid anyone try to exchange something without a receipt in B&M Stores.

I should first state that I absolutely understand that shops have returns policies. I know that having the receipt is ideal but given that any trip to B&M usually means you have a receipt the length of your arm, I guess that most people, like me, just bin them rather than leave them lying around? I don’t usually buy from B&M with any intention of returning. (For my friends across the pond, I guess B&M is kinda like a Walmart where you can pick up almost everything under one roof and it’s usually pretty cheap!)

I thought this was pretty simple. I’d bought a 13.5 tog Kingsize downie (duvet) for the van a good while back. Last night I figured that was far to heavy and big so went to exchange it for a 10.5tog double. Yes that would cost me less but since I always pick up loads in B&M, I knew I’d be spending more than I’d be returning anyway. It’s a standard product while they always sell.

So…. I enter the store with the 13.5 tog downie in a big IKEA bag. Wait for ages to catch someone’s attention as I don’t have the receipt… only to be told that it’s fine, carry it through the shop, pick up what I want and they know I don’t have a receipt. Should mention here that’s it’s still all bagged up like shop bought.

A good wander round the shop later and I joined a queue.

They needed to call the manager over to authorise the return. It turned into a bit of a comedy sketch (except not remotely funny) when the surly manager seems to want to score points for saying “no receipt” as many times as he possibly can in one conversation while tapping away on the till, moving his mask down everytime he spoke to me but not really looking at me. “Take it you bought it in this store?” Eh no sorry I didn’t, I got it up Alloa way a wee while back. “Hmmmm so longer than 30 days?” Yes I think so….. sorry.

I explained that I had kept it for my camper van and only got that the other day…. I apologised and said that I’d just bought the wrong one by mistake.

“Well you really should have kept the receipt so we know that you actually bought it…” to which I replied well I can assure you I never stole it if that’s what you’re implying??? He was so p*ssed off with the whole transaction. His body language said it all. He didn’t want to take it back.

So the new me (and I’m proud of this….) “can I just say I’m a bit unhappy with the way you are speaking to me right now, I’ve done nothing wrong….”

“Well sorry but if you’d had your receipt then we would know that you paid for it, you really need to show me your bank statement….” and so it went on. By this time the bottom lip is wobbling (THANK GOD FOR MASKS!)

He goes away to speak to someone else and the tears come. The lovely lady on the till does a there, there tap of her hand. I apologised to her and said that I suffered from anxiety so I was maybe over thinking the whole exchange.

He came back and then said he couldn’t necessarily give me the £29.99 as it might not be for sale at that price anymore… despite the fact it was labelled £29.99. We had a whole exchange there where I said if that was the case I would sell it privately….. and so it went on.

Turned out that was just another thing that didn’t need saying. When another woman came over to show him how to manage the exchange she said it was easy…. she hit a few keys… set up the exchange…. no need for a credit note that he’d kept going on about…… done. He walked off and left me to it.

I phoned Craig as soon as I came out and talked it through and felt so much better.

I realise I may overreact to stuff but that whole transaction could have been dealt with so differently. We are all going through tough times just now but it’s not like I was trying to return a giant Santa statue in the middle of March!!!!! Now I could understand them not wanting to take something like that but it was a Silentnight downie which sells all year round.

Anyway, I had a lovely rest of day.

I’ve done some Christmas shopping, been back to IKEA and stopped at the Little Coffee Caravan for an oat latte. Had a lovely chat with the girls there. They are always so lovely and chatty!

Then popped into Gayle’s shop! It is UH-MAZING!!!!!

Hence the mention of a giant Santa earlier on…. imagine buying this and coming back to Gayle in March without a receipt. You just wouldn’t would you?!

Had a good chat with Gayle then back up the road. Pottered in the van all afternoon trying to find places for things.

We went to our neighbours Colin and Joyce for a socially distanced drink around the chiminea! Was so hot to sit next to it and we had to move back. Lovely to have a catch up.

Very sadly I have had to say goodbye to the couches that have been a part of my life since 2002…. I feel very emotional. These were my first big purchase for my new flat after my divorce.

This is the living room now!! We’re on camp beds until 26th when the new couches arrive…..

So in scary news we now know 4 people who have COVID-19. It feels very real where it hasn’t before now. Maybe a wake up call for us. At least 3 of the people we know have been VERY careful and yet have still caught it. I know we are all likely to get it at some point I guess but it’s still a bit real. Sending lots of love to you all.

I always end with “stay safe everyone” but tonight I want you to read it slowly and think about how much I mean it.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Slept like a log after all of yesterday’s excitement. Was out for the count.

It’s still pretty horrific weather today. Really wet and pretty windy. Great weather for enjoying your campervan…. and yet I still have!

We had a lazy morning before deciding on a trip to IKEA to look at storage options for the van.

IKEA have an automated entry system that talks to you when it’s ok to go in. We only had to wait with one person in front of us and for less than a minute.

Straight into the market place. The hot news is that WE DID NOT buy any candles or tea lights which is unheard of for a trip to IKEA.

So I did pick up a whole lot of storage bags for the van! You can never have too many storage bags… there’s a bag for the duvet, smaller bags for toiletries, bags for other stuff and other bags for other stuff!! You get the gist. 💼 🛍

Other than that it’s been a really quiet day. I made a cuppa in the van this afternoon with the JetBoil. It took me bloody ages but now that I’ve done it the second time will be way faster!!

I feel a bit flat today. I was overwhelmed by the love yesterday but I did need a day just to chill and breathe and play with my new toys! 🤭😆

Among loads of other things, Craig got me the most amazing noise cancelling headphones so I can make calls and listen to my podcasts in peace. got them charged overnight and paired them up this morning. Perfect for chilling!

We are having a lovely wee evening out in the van. Crochet, alcohol free Rosé Bees Knees (fizz!) and snack. Craig has wine don’t panic!!

Stay safe everyone ❤️🧡💜

I have honestly had THE loveliest day!

The day started with a slobbery kiss from all the gorgeous pups!

Freya didn’t sit still long enough to let me get a photo!!

Craig made croissants with raspberry jam, coffee and alcohol free Buck’s Fizz for breakfast! Nosecco with fresh orange…. I may have had some more Nosecco before we went out!

I’ve had the loveliest presents from the loveliest people. Had lots of chats and a FaceTime with mum and dad! I feel very loved.

Off we got to Tartan Campers to pick up Abbie the newly converted camper van!!

I did almost drive off. I couldn’t adjust the seat height and had to ask the guys to show me how…. the radio was blaring out “I need a hero” (honestly you couldn’t make this up!) then I waved and boom stalled!!!!! And started the van and boom stalled again. Honestly talk about cringeworthy!!!! I’m so used to the high biting point of the Citroeney thing I’d forgotten how to drive my own van!!?!?? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️. By the time I got out of Tartan Campers yard I was hysterically laughing and bright red!

We went to Gro Coffee in Irvine for lunch.

I had a mac’n’cheese toastie with Arran chilli cheddar, jalapeños and gherkin. Craig has ham, black pudding, Arran Smokey cheese with onion and chutney. No need for dinner tonight… we also both had the most amazing Oat Lattes.

I realise there were big announcements today where the Avery side of the family move to COVID-19 level 4 from Friday which means more like a lockdown, we stay at level 3 and my mum and dad move to level 2 on Tuesday next week. They must be good over in Midlothian!

We live in North Ayrshire and will stay at level 3 where all around us East and South Ayrshire move up to level 4.

I’m sure there’s so much more I could write but I’ve not stopped all day and I’m gonna spend the evening with Craig, eating lots of cake and drinking Nosecco.

I would like to thank everyone for their amazing support in my journey so far. The birthday wishes are out of this world and I promise I will get to the personal messages one by one. Writing this blog has become a way of life for me. I hope it helps one or two of you as much as it helps me to write it.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Didn’t have the best nights sleep…. too much information but between sore ear and stomach cramp I tossed and turned a bit!

We’ve been having bother with our heating control and it was a full whacking 20degC in the middle of the night which did not help!!

So I dragged poor Craigie to the shops today! Nothing special just a wee wander around Dunelm Mill (that place I cannot say!) B&Q and Morrison’s. Just to get out! We both agree that the whole, shopping with a mask is hard work. I know how important it is and that loads of people have to wear them for a full time job but it’s taken my already increasing body temperature, due to my excess weight and increasing age and just lumped on top! Who needs a jacket when you have inner central heating?!?

So I ended up having some work to do today as someone forgot I was on holiday. Would never have seen them stuck but realise that I need a break as well. All done now, one client booked and the rest to be sent to someone else to manage.

Then I get the message that I’ve been waiting for…. Abbie the van is almost finished and Abbie the camper van will be ready to be collected by about 10am tomorrow morning!!!!! I am over the moon. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I thought we might get it late on or early Wednesday so I’m really chuffed they pulled out all the stops to have it ready.

Cannot wait to see her with my own eyes. This looks like someone else’s van. Mine was an empty shell and this looks like a tardis.

Looks like we’re getting her just in time for North Ayrshire heading into COVID-19 level 4 which brings a whole new level of lockdown. We’ll just leave that till it comes and try and enjoy her as much as we can just now.

One more sleep until I’m older. Not gonna get to see anyone which is sad but will make the most of a great day with my boy and the pups!!

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Well it was an unusual start to the day at 6.30am soon after I woke up. I got a WhatsApp from Claire next door asking if her Carbon Monoxide detector woke me…… in my sleepy state I think how the hell does she know I’m awake? Im kinda looking around in the dark! As soon as I ask the question I realise I just liked a photo she posted on Instagram…. of course I’m awake.

Never heard their alarm and am now more worried about that than anything else….. but it all good as it’s just the batteries.

I then reply to my friend Tracey in Canada and have a chat with her about what really woke me, my sore ear. She recommended olive oil and I said “way aheada you there, already using that!”

Made me smile that I’d had two lovely conversations while Craig was still snoring like a train, sorry, sweetly beside me!

After putting some more drops in my ear and deafening myself, I feel asleep to the sound of my breathing and awake again at 9am as I felt the need to set an alarm for the weekends?!? Why??

Coffee, Christmas present online shopping with the hubby and then out for a lovely walk in the rain.

I was listening to the Happy Place podcast again and just really enjoyed my walk today. The fresh air did me good. When I got back I did a quick poo pick and took all the recycling and rubbish down to the bins. I like to do all that when I’m outside and already soaked otherwise I’d never do it. Brought wood in for the fires too. Craig had blitzed the kitchen so that was lovely to come home to.

I then “sharked” the kitchen and sunroom and out the dog beds in the machine to wash.

Feeling motivated but chilled and it’s a lovely way to be.

Decided to put some stuff up for sale today! Craigs MacBook, my AirPods, a Furbo dog camera and flip flops…. who wouldn’t want flip flops in November?! already sold the AirPods to a lovely girl I know!

So the pic below is me now. Feet up on my desk, the candles lit, the wee sparkly lights up temporarily. I brought up the electric fire from our bedroom so that’s on and Freya and I are chilling. She doesn’t have to think of blog content but she’s always there with me while I do.

I love my little space. Craig was up for a bit too. He is allowed in for those of you who are worried!!

Heading down now, we did say earlier we might have a games night tonight. Now anyone who knows me will know that I HATE board games but I am actually that bored(board!) with lockdown evenings that I’ve decided it would be an acceptable way to spend the evening.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

I didn’t get out of bed until about 9.30am today. Slept until 8 and then read for a hour and a half!!! Craig kept the dogs away and I just enjoyed some me time.

Got up and had a lovely coffee then started on the spare room again!! Needed a bit of a rearrange and a sort out as it wasn’t quite working for me. I was pottering and enjoying it. Got a Pawsitive Solutions call and ended up almost being late for our lunch booking at the pub next door at 12.30.

Our neighbours Jim and Fiona had a table right next to us. Our neighbours Kenny and Louise were serving (Holly was obviously cooking!) and Harry from round the corner was at a wee table in the corner all by himself. All COVID-19 driven. No one is allowed to drink alcohol at the moment so I love it as we all had juice and I didn’t feel left out. We all ate and finished and went home. Normally we would have sat about for the afternoon as everyone got into rounds so I do see a difference and understand why alcohol is banned at the moment.

It was so lovely to see everyone and eat Steak Pie 🥧 obviously! May have had a Caramel Apple Pie too and I really didn’t need that but it had to be done.

I’m listening to Fearne Cotton’s Happy Place podcast just now and a few of the interviews have really made me think about where I’ve come from and where I’m going.

I’ve also just cleared through the laptop bag I brought home when I had to empty my office at end end of January this year. It’s the first time I’ve looked at everything and it’s like it’s all from another world.

I used to be a senior manager with a team of staff. I used to manage Customers and know everything there was to know about them. I used to be the expert on one of our largest customers. I thrived on that at one time. I’ve found work polo shirts from training days. I remember the amazing feeling of being someone and being involved in major decisions.

Until it broke me.

I will never be that person again and that is the best decision for me. It does still hurt at times. I guess it’s just emptying the bag was like opening up a can of worms.

I’m not going to let it fester. It was what it was and it now is what it is and I wouldn’t be where I am now without it. I guess I’m grateful for the learning curve.

I’m so grateful that I am where I am now. It’s tough. Some days are worse than others but I’m more alive than I ever was.

I’m lying on the day bed writing this while Freya, my new shadow, cooried in. (In an effort to change cookies to cooried I just dropped the phone on her back!!!! Oops!)

It’s been a lovely day. Calm, quiet with lovely food and good friends.

Nap now?!?

Stay safe everyone 💕💕💕

So today has been a day of lists and ticking boxes which actually feels quite good though I think I feel a bit meh today… neither up nor down.

So first things first dogs out and home by 9am! I remembered my hat…. but only wore a hoodie…… it rained. Of course it did 🤣

I came home and headed out in the wee Citroeney thing to drop clothes at the charity shop and then up to the Little Coffee Caravan (yes again!) for an oat latte and a raspberry and white chocolate muffin!

Back home at the very large desk to make some Pawsitive Solutions calls and then I took part in a Market Research call! 1.5 hours of questions on buying furniture for £50. This was recommended to me by a friend and I really enjoyed it. The call was run by two guys in Spain 🇪🇸 and it was obviously driven by IKEA.

I had no idea that 60% of the products they sell are sustainable and they aim to be at 100% by 2020. Who knew that air purifying curtains were a thing???!

I found it fascinating. We have a new couch to be delivered next week and sustainability did not come into our purchase choice at all. I have huge concerns about the disposal of our old couch and that it will be destined for landfill. That horrifies me. However it did not factor into our new purchase at all. Lots of food for thought there.

As soon as I was off that it was time to get the lovely wee Citroen back to Green Motion car hire!!! The Jeep is still running and Craig is one happy boy.

He said this morning….. “you do realise you are nearly 3 years older than me again….?!”

Oh how I love the period in our lives between November to July where he throws this at me on a regular basis. He’s one lucky toy boy I reckon….. on some days he may disagree 🤣🤣

I see a lot of motivational stuff during the day while I’m looking for content for the blog and I also see a lot of negative which I try to stay away from.

I prefer to deal with my motivation in a positive way. Rather than stay away from negative people…. chose to be with positive people. I don’t know if that makes sense or where I’m even going with this but it struck me today that there are things I don’t post on here because the focus on the negative and not the positive. I have had a life time of negative. No more.

So Craig and I are now off for a weeks’ holiday!! Out of the office… doesn’t feel the same for me as it used to but I guess I need to remember I’m only part-part-time at the moment. Craig needs a rest and time to chill. Who knows what the next week will bring but I’m looking forward to a change in my wee routine. Just to mix up this COVID-19 tier 3 malarkey.

So happy Friday night and enjoy your weekend.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Well I slept like a log last night. That day of anxiety has taken its toll but actually in a good way. I love that feeling of not being able to wake up.

I did however dream like a crazy person last night. Wow. It was so fast and surreal that I couldn’t even begin to explain it. Don’t have a clue what it means but that’s fine too as I slept!

So off out with the dogs and forgot my hat! It’s chilly today. It was the wrong day to forget. I had to put my hoody up and tie it under my neck….. there will be no photo of that coming next…. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Forgot to mention Remembrance Day yesterday, we usually do a post with the pups with their poppies on. I had a 2 mins silence in Home Bargains yesterday which is really strange to me as I always had the silence at work. as if the world isn’t strange enough right now, we’re wearing masks, trying to stay out of each other’s way and we all stop where we are on the shop and don’t move for 2 mins. It was actually really special. There was, of course, the obligatory family who thought it was a two minute stand still but keep talking about the make up on the shelf…. other than them it was a lovely moment to share with strangers.

I was actually a little sad this morning at the lack of leaves on the trees. Everything looked a little bare.

In shock news that we almost can’t actually believe… the Jeep is fixed!!! I mean like wow. We can take the hire car back tomorrow finally. £500+ for the pleasure. Makes you truly appreciate what you have.

I’ve spent the afternoon clearing out my wardrobe which is a task that I love the outcome of but hate the being in the middle of it!! I know have a bad for charity, a bag to go upstairs and a bag for the bin. A clear closet is a clear mind somebody once said. I think it will be when I get over the stress of where to put everything that came out of it!!

More good news in that Abbie’s transformation is coming along really well! She has rear windows and curtains and her floor and furniture are all in!

So after all that excitement I’m tired now. I have a wheels tonight while Craigs working and yet I’ve decided on a coorie up with Freya while I write the blog and maybe have a wee nap. It’s been a while. Freya seems to love my new room as much as I do. She’s here whenever I am. Never pesters me just sleeps while I work. It’s precious.

Added a wee funny that will appeal to Craig at the end!!

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

So the anxious maniac from yesterday had gone replaced by a happy go lucky, it is what it is kinda gal…. so grateful.

I’ve had the loveliest day today just pottering around. It started with a dog walk with the puppers and their Auntie Claire!

As Craig had a job cancel….. I HAD A CAR!!!! So I drove up to Linwood and hit Home Bargains, B&M Stores, TK Maxx, Matalan & Cancer Research. Last of the big spenders me eh?!! Wandered around for about 2.5 hours until the whole hat, mask and glasses got a bit overwhelming. I got really tired all of a sudden.

Back down the road to the Little Coffee Caravan for an Oat Latte. Had a lovely chat with the guys there. They are always so friendly and lovely. Always brightens my day to chat to them.

Then onto the Co-op and then to Vivs Nails to get, yip you guessed it… my nails done!!

I took a picture…. yeah you don’t need to see them. They are lovely but nothing makes a toe pic look great?!?

So we have a La Dolce Vita pizza delivery tonight, very much looking forward to that. It will be here in precisely….. one hour and 45 mins approximately. Yes I’m aware that precisely and approximately contradict each other.

It’s only 4.15pm and the rain is torrential so the candles and twinkly lights will be on. Celebrate the darkness rather than dread it.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

It started with a 3.30am wide awake mulling things round and round and over and over.

My head is gowping….. my head is the sore body part 😬

My jaw is tense, my face is red and burning.

Ok enough with the moaning. I’ve said before and I’ll say again that I don’t write this for sympathy. I just want to share my experiences in the hope that people really how crazy a relatively normal looking person can be. I slightly smiled at that….

So yesterday, wonderful and lovely.

Today, angry, frustrated, anxious, defensive.

Drama number 1… the part for the Jeep arrived this morning and it wasn’t the right part…. AGAIN !!!! Poor Craig had to jump in the citroen and head to the garage to photograph the Jeep (which he used to be able to drive) and head back down to Pirtek to get them to make something up that would fit the connections in the photos. That part is now at the garage and they are trying to fit it on the Jeep. Fingers, toes and everything crossed.

So while Craig was doing that, I took the dogs out and had a wander round a field while the Open Reach guy worked to fix the super fast broadband which was super slow….

So I’m home and the guy has fixed the broadband.

It’s not quite the same in my new office upstairs. Still a lot better than it was.

The doorbell went when I got back in and it was the lovely Eleanor and her wee girl from Elly’s Cakes delivering some lovely poppy cookies that I’d ordered. She’s based in Gateside and I only found out in the last few months that she has a FB page where she advertises her cakes! Click on the link!! Elly’s Cakes 🎂 🍰 🧁

She asked how I was doing….. bet she wished she hadn’t?!?!?! 🤯🤬😂🤣

So the next drama was the new desk that I bought from FB buy and sell overnight. So I had messaged a few folk about desks, figured the cost of delivery was too high so was happy with the camping table as a desk instead. I’d seen one desk that was £40. The guy messaged last night and said he could give me it for £30 if I was still interested? Did I like it enough? Did I really want that one? Ah but he’s close to home. He’s now offering to deliver it for £40. He can bring it today. Ok it will be great it’s meant to be….. did I really like it???

So my darling husband hits the nail on the head again saying that I only went for it because it was £40. He is right. I’m not over the moon with it. It’s not perfect. It’s a bit bigger than I would have liked, it takes over the room. Not sure. Honestly though with the mood I’m in I’m not sure anything would have worked today….

So Craigs off out to work and I have calls to make but I thought I’d write this first to get my head straight. Mum also called and got it between the eyes. Poor woman was only out for a nice walk thinking she’d have a wee chat. Wham!

In some good news Abbie the camper is coming on in leaps and bounds at Tartan Campers!

So there have been lots of good things today and I am calmer as a result of spelling it out. If you’ve read this far there will be a medal at the end…..

I’ve spent some time with candles on, crocheting and listening to Fearne Cotton’s podcast Happy Place .

I do feel calmer. Honestly the anxiety I’ve had today is totally out of control. It’s a Tasmanian devil whirlwind that sucks everything into it. It’s irrational but overwhelming when you’re in it.

Thanks for listening…

Stay safe everyone 💜❤️💜

I have had the loveliest of days today. Just pottering around quite the thing. It was a lovely morning so I got the dogs out for a good run first thing.

Yeah I only managed about 50 stitches before I had to head back in to the warmth.

I moved the camping table upstairs along with a camping chair so was all set with this lovely view. The window has been open all day.

I made calls and did some Gateside Memorial Hall work. I sorted through paperwork and bills. Worked on my to do list. I moved stuff around, kind of tidied up a bit but I really enjoyed doing it all.

I put a washing on and hung it up, loaded the dishwasher.

THEN……. drumroll……. Open Reach arrived to install our super fast fibre broadband!!!!! AND….. it’s not working.

It was……. then it wasn’t and now it isn’t.

They’ll be back between 8.30-9 tomorrow morning to resolve.

So the big news this evening is the first vaccine has been developed that prevents 90% of people from contracting COVID-19.

In other good news the president-elect Joe Biden has finally been able to announce that wearing masks in the US should not be a political statement. This is great for the States as it will stop the spread of the virus.

Stay safe everyone ❤️💜❤️

Had the weirdest dream again last night. Think I understand this one though…..

I’m at university at falling behind in ALL my subjects. My friend Evelyn (who didn’t go to Uni with me but is bloody good at crochet!) is on level 9 subjects (whatever that means?!) and I’m only at level 4. I am so far behind and have so much to catch up on. I can’t concentrate, my mind is all over the place. Evelyn has everything filed on her laptop, perfectly. Mine is a mess, I can’t find anything, there’s no order.

I’ve had a similar dream before (without Evelyn!) and have also woken up panicked that I won’t get my degree. Surely this is down to my huge change of direction in life and that it doesn’t conform to the life plan I had mapped out. I’m worried I’ll fall behind. So you know what?!? I have fallen behind my life plan. Way behind and I did the day I walked out of the office in floods of tears.

Claire invited me out for breakfast this morning and we went to the Corner House in Kilwinning. It was so lovely. The food was amazing and the company was even better!

I had the veggie breakfast and Claire had the pancakes. I also talked the hind leg off a donkey! (Where does that saying even come from!) So lovely just to get a some time out somewhere together for a change!

So back home and I’m not sure what I’ve achieved this afternoon. I think I’m a bit meh if I’m honest. I feel the weekends need to be something different from the week and there’s loads to do and I can’t be bothered doing any of it. I’m sitting crocheting in from of the fire while Craig snores like a train on the couch!

I think maybe we’re all the same just now. We need to learn that it’s ok to do “nothing”… it’s ok to relax. There is genuinely nothing that really needs done.

I did brush down the dogs. That was worthwhile. 😆

Stay safe everyone 🧶 ❤️🧶

I had to go and get my glasses fixed in Specsavers. Nearest branch?!? Largs. Boom…. see what I did there??

So I should point out here there is absolutely nothing wrong with the Citroeney thing we are hiring just now. It’s actually a lovely drive… it’s a Citroen C3 Aircross, black with a white roof. Perfectly lovely. Just been pointed out that I may have been taking out my Jeep frustrations on the poor hire car. So scene set. It’s good!

There was hardly a breath. I’d driven through most and beautiful sunshine, past reservoirs and hills. What a stunning drive in the lovely Citroen!

So specsavers have kept a pair of glasses to see what they can do to fix them… the leg fell off on about day 2 of lockdown! They tightened my second pair which I now wear all the time so all good.

Unsurprisingly I had a wander around the charity shops and picked up a few things. then off to Costa to pick up a coffee for the drive home!

And I ate dessert too quickly to remember to take a photo!!!

It was lovely to be out. The pub can’t serve alcohol under the current guidelines which suits me! We did have a giggle when Gemma asked what soft drink would you like….. the answers took ages and even when they picked something it sounded like a “if I have to…..”

So back home with a full tummy to sit crocheting.

I’ve had a lovely day and honestly Largs this morning was so special. The calm, the peacefulness and the way it felt like everything was just waking up. The tourist season is over now so it just feels nice to be a local.

So in other news the Democrat Joe Biden has just been called as the President-elect for the USA 🇺🇸 along with Kamala Harris who’s the first female and first coloured woman of Indian descent to be in office.

I have good friends that are Republican and voted for Trump and while I feel sad for them I truly believe the world breathes a sigh of relief tonight. This insanity needs to end and I truly believe a dictator in the making has been shown the door.

On that note…. we’re gonna have another movie night as that’s how we roll in these covid times…

Stay safe everyone 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇺🇸🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Can you tell I don’t get out much?!?! There are a few reasons…

• COVID-19
• Abbie the van is in for conversion to Abbie the camper van
• THE JEEP IS STILL BROKEN AND IS THE HARDEST CAR IN THE WORKS TO ACTUALLY GET PARTS FOR!!!!!

So I started writing this while I was sitting outside out 5th option for Jeep parts. Craig had been in Pritek for at least 10 mins and the elation I felt was such a relief……

Nope. They were just busy. Time for another list.

• Hydraulink say they can’t make a pipe with those connectors on the end.
• Hydrafit said “we shut at half four” in a very loud voice when I went in at 4.24pm the other day. Then said it’s imperial and they can only do metric.
• Jeepey say that the physical part we need will not fit our car based on the ref and VIN nimber
• Jeep Linwood ordered the wrong part first. Then once we compared them they ordered what they think might be the right part. In some fishy issue with the courier, it didn’t arrive Tuesday as planned, didn’t arrive Wednesday and is now having to be reordered but this time from Italy?!?!?!?!
• Pirtek Kilmarnock said they could do it but add on a different end and make the pipe a different shape. Couldn’t keep it the same.

So I do apologise for the rant but we are already down £500 on a hire car and no further forward with the Jeep. Can you just write off a car because you can’t get a part for it?!? Asking for a friend…………

In other news poor Kilmarnock town centre today is looking pretty sorry for itself. So many shops now closed and boarded up. We went to Costa for coffee and kind of regretted that too.

I meant to say that I had a lovely wee evening in my room last night. Craig watched football when he came home from work and I sat upstairs with Fearne Cotton’s Happy Place podcast on and crocheted to my hearts content. Freya joined me and slept on the floor. It was just a lovely time. Me, myself and I. We both agreed that while we want each other’s company we both had a great night. That’s polite communication for you eh?! 🤣🤣🤣 can I do it again tomorrow !?!

I’m up here again now sitting on the bed which is my makeshift desk making calls and booking more for January 2021!!! I’ve found a second hand desk I love but it’s in Balgreen in Edinburgh and it won’t fit in the wee Citroeney thing…… I’ve got quotes of £74 to collect and drop off which I’m considering . Hmmmm we’ll see. Maybe a better one will appear over this way!!

Finally we’re outside now at the fire pit. I have a lovely alcohol free cider that I picked up in Tesco today. It’s only 50 calories and is super tasty!

Relaxed and chilled. Still no US President that I’m aware of. But I have spicy Nik Naks. That’s all I need right now.

Stay safe everyone 🔥🔥🔥

I did not sleep that well last night. I have a tickle cough that has been lingering for a few days and last night I got up at 2.30am to get some paracetamol which knocked me out until 6.30am. Yeah that time again…. 😬

So I feel tired today and a bit lethargic… in fact a bit sloth like.

I had a zoom call this morning on the remainder of the Pawsitive Solutions puppy manual which was great. I actually think some of it is starting to stick in the old napper…

We tried Skype first but I had the no camera symbol. While all the settings showed that the camera was working fine… it really wasn’t. I faded about with it then tried zoom with the same issue. So while we went through the training I kept looking up why my camera might not work and found a button on the laptop. Hey presto, finally got a picture!!!

Then half way through there was some incessant buzzing noise where Lorna could here me and I couldn’t hear her. Then vice versa. Took me about 10 mins to resolve that one.

The moral of the story…………..

Stop using the laptop as a desk and pressing random buttons while writing notes on a pad. 🙄

Then the doorbell went and the postie wanted to chat… but we got there in the end!

When I got back I came upstairs to the spare room now officially known as MY room. Sorted the bed though didn’t think the first pic looked right so put my Grans crochet blanket over it and I’ve been sitting here making calls, then crocheting , then chatting to mum, then blogging.

The important thing is that I’m sitting here and I like it. I’m away from any “things that need done”. It’s a new space and I’m enjoying being in it.

The US election is still bumbling along with Biden at 253 and Trump at 214 from memory. The first to get to 270 wins. Trumpet is contesting the legality of the postal vote so I guess there is some testing times to come over the next few days.

England went back into lockdown today while Scotland’s pubs reopened this week for food only. The number of deaths yesterday was the highest since May this year.

I felt quite antsy this afternoon, I was tired and needed to rest but felt like I shouldn’t. I missed my tapping group that was scheduled for 3pm because I had no concept of time today. Remembered this morning and then it went right out of my head as the day progressed. It’s almost as if I just can’t quite manage everything at once just now. But that is ok. I need to accept what is and by writing this blog I see that every day is different. Some days are better than others. One things for sure, crochet sure calms my mind!!

Stay safe everyone 🧶 🧶 🧶

It’s 11am and I’ve changed the bed, washed the sheets and had the loveliest long walk up on the old golf course with the dogs. So yeah there are a million photos to come…. 😬

Whilst embracing the darkness and enjoying the long nights, I cannot lie that the sun shine brings me an inner joy that cannot be beaten. (You know as I write that I think what a lot of tosh….. that’s the old me speaking!! The new me bloody loves it!)

I have so many pictures I have no idea how I will narrow them down 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I’ve just had the most lovely and relaxing time. I have switched off to the election in the US 🇺🇸. I’ve switched off to all my stressors.

I’m listening to a podcast called “How to you cope” with Elis & John. It can be pretty deep, dealing with huge life issues and I’ve listened to 2 episodes already this morning but their voices are calming and it’s hugely interesting. I did wonder last week if this podcast was causing my negative emotions and it quite possibly was. During kinesiology on Saturday, Shelagh said that this would most likely be the case but it would bring things to the surface in order for me to deal with them. Makes a lot of sense.

In other news I sat on my glasses and now they are really squint… oops.

I’ve been upstairs in the spare room trying to tidy up the mess I’ve made over the last few days. I can currently report that I’m lying on the new day bed trying really hard not to just fall asleep. After all the fresh air and then humphing stuff around fir the last 2 days it’s no wonder I feel tired.

I love it. Craig if you’re looking for me I am likely to be up here!!

I’m avoiding all things politics but am aware the votes are not all counted despite President Trump telling the world he has won due to voter fraud. He’s lying…. again. Just have to wait and see if he gets back into power. Nuff said.

Nana nap is on the cards now.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

This is the first day in a long time that I’ve not had to look back on what day number this was… I’m quite proud of myself. I remembered yesterday’s 3 little ducks 🦆 🦆 🦆.

I had a great sleep last night but have been waking at 6.30am for a good few days now and I did again. This gives me a chance to check up on the news, social media etc. I can’t read my book in the dark and I don’t want to get up. However…. I know this hasn’t helped me today.

With everything going on just now I find the news a bit overwhelming. Craig is really into all things political right now and I have to say that I firmly share his views and just can’t understand how things in the US 🇺🇸 are going how they’re going right now. Well I fully understand why they are how they are but that’s my political opinion and not for this blog to share. It’s terrifying that people who have voted one way all their lives will still do so because they hear all the scare-mongering on their side about the other.

I know that I cannot change any of that but I have to change how I choose to react to it. It’s terrifying to think what the world is coming to…

So all of that aside I went for a lovely dog walk and I think that really helped. I had some lovely chats with some other villagers while I was out and the sun was starting to push through the clouds.

In more ways than one…. the wind and rain have died down but so has the crazy inside my head…. I had a day of clearing out our bedroom in between making Pawsitive Solutions calls. I feel so much calmer than I even did this morning. I’ve had a day where I chose what I wanted to do and when I did it rather than being dictated by other events and I’ve really enjoyed it.

While it started off shaky I have turned today around and I feel really blessed to have this life right now. I can’t explain the relief when the storm passes.

Another learning curve climbed and riding the wave until the next one.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

So I know that those who know me well will fully believe in my ability to talk all day but I just did not stop all day. Given that I’ve been off sick for so long there is usually a time in the day where I will read, nap, crochet etc but this move towards reality means there is less time for that.

7am alarm

7.30am dropped Abbie the van down into Tartan Campers for her renovations into Abbie the camper van!!!

9am-12.30pm getting my hair done by our lovely hairdresser literally across the road.

Elaine has a lovely wee salon in the back of her house now. Built during lockdown. Got a balayage.

Anyway, love my hair and great to have a good chat with Elaine!

12.45 until about 5.30pm I just talked on the phone to customers, family, friends… the phone just didn’t stop. I missed calls when I was speaking to one person and then missed more calls when I called them back.

Anyway it’s been lovely to talk to everyone but in my new found self loving world I do need a lot of silence too. I am sitting in front of the fire with my mouth firmly shut!!

Funny I would always have said I was an extrovert but these last few years have showed me just how introverted I actually am. I need some time every day just to be otherwise I meet myself coming backwards. So many sayings that we use just do not look right written down!!

Will sleep tonight.

Stay safe everyone ❤️💜🖤

Thanks to all who new that our Storm is called Aiden. I know an Aiden and if he’s causing this then I’m not happy with him…. 🙄😆

I have to say that I am experiencing all of these just now except reckless behaviour and thought of suicide… (thank god!) but yeah it’s amazing how an anxiety episode seems to throw all the good work out the window.

On the plus side my head is much calmer today. I’ve had a good day and it’s been very successful without actually planning it that way.

So I’ve been looking at the IKEA Hemnes day bed to replace the double bed I sold yesterday. A few of our visitors panicked that they would have nowhere to sleep in case they were ever allowed to stay over again!! Now when you read this you’re going to realise just how random it is….

All the second hand day beds are white. Our compromise (as Craig didn’t like the day bed) was that I got the grey one…. the grey one only comes up second hand down south and precisely 345 miles away!! Some were 359, some 378 but you get the picture… too far.

The day before Abbie the camper goes in for her transformation, I wanted to go to Largs. You know how I love a wee trip to Largs. For some reason it just hits the spot. Charity shops…. coffee shops…. and the sea and a ferry…

So yip you guessed it…. this morning a white one appears up for sale on Largs, priced a lot less than any I’ve seen and it’s still for sale and I can go get it today…. and Craig realises that white is fine or we’re gonna have to pay about £400 for a new grey one… and he was going to have to come to IKEA with me. 🤷🏻‍♀️😆

It all fitted in the van perfectly. It’s like it was meant to be. See that just proves that good things come to those who panic and worry and have hissy fits…. 🥴

Largs did not disappoint either.

As England goes into another COVID-19 lockdown I felt the need to do a wee bit of shopping just in case and I actually got some stuff for Christmas. Check me who never says the C word until after my birthday….

I started on the lighter coloured Irish cream latte…. when someone appeared with the second…. apparently the first one didn’t have any coffee in it!!? Who knew?!? I’d have drank that without realising I think.

Storm Aiden was playing havoc with high tide and I took 852 photos of which I will try and narrow down slightly.

Right… enough. The rest will just had to the 50,000+ photos I have on the iCloud!

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

It’s been horrific weather today. Surprised this storm doesn’t have a name or maybe I’ve just missed it. It’s been way worse here than some of the named storms we’ve had that have come to nothing.

So up and out with the dogs sharp today. Was walking by 8am which is kinda unheard of for me on a Saturday but it’s nice to be out before anyone else. It’s just dull….

So as I said the cloud was just hanging over us and I’m afraid that summed up exactly how I was feeling. I’ve been totally overwhelmed the last few days and my anxiety has been at fever pitch.

With hindsight it’s been building up for a few weeks and I’ve felt out of control this week. I’m back to not eating properly, no meals just snacks, can’t think straight and catastrophising everything. Tears. A whole lotta tears. My confidence is back to a “lack of” and I’ve just been in a tailspin. It’s like a tornado in the brain. Everything short circuits and sparks and nothing makes sense.

The wee Citroeney thing was not happy in the driving rain and cross winds on the way to Dalry this morning but we got there!

The start of a kinesiology session is a catch up on how I’ve been for the last month. Poor Shelagh got a garbled blurb thrown at her from all angles. You get up onto the bed and lie down while we start the session and already I can see myself from the outside and how bad I was. I sounded like a maniac.

I’m already calmer. Her session starts with balancing your body chakras. With her hands on my head I felt everything calming and unravelling.

This is exactly how it feels. I can see the tailspin I was in and also understand that when it gets that bad I do struggle to get myself out of it. That will come.

I’ve just been so upset that I’ve felt bad again as I feel like I’ve had enough learning curve!! Why does my mind melt in difficult situations? Why do I give up, why do I think I’m not worthy when I know that I am. It’s all just triggers. I know that I’m very lucky to be finding out about all these so they can be fixed but I would really just like a break where I can feel “normal”…. whatever that is.

So in other less self indulgent and moaning news I have sold the double bed frame upstairs! It’s gone and so are all the mattresses that we’ve been storing for so long! I am decluttering!!! (This morning you’d think I’d been asked to climb Everest when the guy messaged to see if he could get it today!!)

So in true Norwegian style, the fire is on, the candles are lit and I have my comfies on. (Hmmmm I always have comfies on these days but hey…)

I’m having an alcohol free Punk IPA from BrewDog. That was some Saturday but it’s over now. Cannot recommend Shelagh Cumming’s kinesiology enough.

Onwards and upwards

Stay safe everyone ❤️🧡❤️