Another amazing out-for-the-count sleep last night. No midnight toilet trips 🙄😆

I decided to have a wee day out today as Abbie the camper goes into the garage tomorrow and……since we have a history of nothing ever taking one day… I thought I’d try and get last minute Christmas bits and bobs while I could.

I had to jump start her first thing…. obviously. I have stopped and started the van 7 times today. I managed to restart her with the turn of the key, a deep breath, a please God, please God and pump the accelerator every time….. until I stopped outside the front door to unload the shopping. Nada…. not even a wee “cough” from the engine. Guess I can’t complain but it’s funny how the starting has become such a ritual.

I headed down to the charity shop with some Christmas decorations and other bags. They can’t touch anything for 3 days to ensure any COVID-19 traces are gone, so I told them specifically that the Christmas bag was full of Christmas stuff just so they knew to empty that one faster.

Then went to my friend Gayle’s shop. The little gift shop in Beith is the best!

I should mention too that “she who is not Christmassy” is wearing a sparkly reindeer jumper hence the reason for the photo. Yet you can’t see any of it. Gayle’s shop is amazing (as most of you will know as I talk about it lots!) but even she has a sanitisation stand at the door, a one way system and only 3 customers allowed in at any one time. Folk have got used to learning to queue outside shops rather than barging in.

Was lovely to get a good catch up and have a wee shop. Got lots of wee bits and bobs for people today.

Then headed round to see my favourite 80 year old. She was almost in tears when I arrived as she’d just had a Christmas gift delivered by the Beith Trust from Garnock Valley Youth. She was over the moon with it and so excited to show me what she had. she said there is lots of information in the parcel about looking after herself too and she seemed really touched by that. I love how “old school” she is…. if she calls my mobile and I can’t answer, she’s fine with that as she just assumes I was out….. bless. Craig phoned today while I was there to say he was home for lunch and she wanted me to head up the road so I could make my man’s lunch. I just smiled sweetly while inwardly laughing and thinking eh naw…. 😆

So back up the road specifically to watch him make him own lunch and then I headed down to Irvine Tesco.

My observations today…. it still amazes me that this time last year no one would ever have worn a mask. Everyone you see is donning their masks as they walk across the car park and into the store. Everyone uses hand sanitiser before you go in and most people were wiping down the trolleys. The shop is no longer directional but there are floor signs everywhere to keep a 2m distance. Not many people do anymore.

The clothes for Christmas wee jaw dropping. Pretty much everything on sale were what I would class as comfies. Jeans and jumpers, joggies and hoodies… the emphasis is on comfort as no one can go out and everything is closed. There were about 3 sparkly tops and that was it. Comfort is the fashion for our first COVID-19 Christmas! Actually as I write that…. I do need to remember is was in a Tesco Extra in Irvine, North Ayrshire rather than the designer shops in London but there was comfort everywhere!! My kind of clothes store.

Driving home through school closing time is as busy as rush hour gets these days.

If you stop to think about things for any length of time we realise just how strange our world has become.

We never had to think about touching anything. We could hug and kiss people without the threat of any virus. These are very strange times but hey…. you all know that just as well as me.

In an effort to remain positive as I try to be as often as possible…. yay to comfy clothes in shops!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

If I could bottle this feeling up I sooooo would and use it at the more difficult times. It’s such a wonderful and freeing feeling to be relaxed, calm, focussed and organised.

I had the most amazing sleep last night, out for the count all night…. no head whirring, no getting up to the loo. Just fast asleep. Wonderful to wake up to.

That’s reminded me of a very funny story that I “forgot” to share yesterday….. Sunday night when I was up and down like a yo-yo for the loo….. the first time I got up. The seat was down. 😳l

Midnight bathroom clean. Moving on swiftly…. 🙄

Took the dogs down to Gielsland estate and got a photo of the old house. The dogs stuck their tongues out!!!

Met a good few villagers out walking this morning which was lovely as we don’t get to meet up much these covid days.

The rest of the day was taking up with puppy training. We’re doing an online training course for trainers and covered a good few modules this afternoon. Time well spent.

I had planned a food shop this afternoon so didn’t get to Tesco until after 5.

Of course I had to jump start Abbie before I could go anywhere….. I got into Tesco and started having a wander round when I realised I didn’t have my phone with me. I needed it for the Tesco club card which would save me a fortune on the new club card rules where loads of stuff is half price.

And this is where it all went wrong. It’s not as dramatic as it sounds and it can be quite funny but I was all over the place. Couldn’t find it in the van so started retracing my steps… back into the store… nothing. Asked if it had been handed in. The girl called it and it rang but not on me….. back out to the van, retracing my steps again, all over the car park….. turned the van upside down then remembered a loud noise on the way to Tesco. Something had fallen. Yep you guessed it, my phone. Under the seat.

Back into the store and thanked the girl but from that point on I was breathless, hot, sweaty and genuinely flummoxed.

I have come home with £100+ worth of the most random selection of food. There is NOTHING that goes with anything!

Luckily we’ve had a good laugh about it….. I ate the leftovers of last nights dinner instead of some of the random selection. Of nothing much!

The words were said “well that’s the last time you do the shopping!”

Ok then. Thank you. I gratefully resign.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

So yes, upon reflection I’ve had a calm, straightforward and successful day.

The end. 🤣

Playing in the field instead of a big walk has really helped my knee but not helped Calaidh’s hips. We were told by the vet a while back that it’s not good for her hip joints to be running after frisbees and balls and coming to a dead stop. So back to a walk tomorrow I think.

Had a call with the doctor about the pain in my knee. She’s sending me for an X-ray as apparently that needs doing before I would get a scan… not sure what the difference is but I know the X-ray will be clear. She did ask about my weight………….. was always going to happen. She did say I’d have to lose weight and think of my knees and my health carrying all that weight. Yeah ok… what weight are you hen?!?! 😆

Folded up all the dry washing in a huff afterwards went upstairs to the “office” to start my Pawsitive Solutions calls.

Booked 4 jobs today which is the most in a few weeks. Spoke to some lovely people and wasn’t on the phone for too long which is a good thing!

Managed to get all my Christmas cards written this afternoon, first time in about 3 years I’ve done cards. Still to be posted.

In an effort to stay healthy I made a low fat chickpea curry for dinner.

I’m quite alert and clear headed today and have enjoyed the functionality of it.

I’m sitting writing this on Grans chair with Bhruic and Freya at my feet. The wonky Christmas tree twinkling away in the background. It’s a part of the family now.

It’s been a good day.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

So this happened today….

Check out the teeny tiny Christmas tree!! The dogs are bigger than the tree…..

We can’t have a tree in the living room this year as we are getting the floors sanded on 23rd so we went for a a potted tree in the sunroom.

Craig was wood cutting with the village wood cutters this morning and they are just outside the Gateside Plant Centre. They only had one potted tree left and I’m not gonna lie… I walked into the room when he brought it home and thought that’s the most awful tree I’ve ever seen. But it’s grown on me….

So while Craig was chopping wood I took the dogs out for a play in the field. It’s really helping my knee not to walk long distances.

I decided to go to Largs for a coffee and a wee drive in the sun. I had to jump start Abbie and then sit for ages while everything defrosted. Not to self for when I’m working in winter…. leave the house an hour in advance!!

This afternoon has been all things festive decorating the tiny tree and deciding how much of our Christmas stuff to give to charity. A huge bag will be leaving tomorrow morning in the next clear out stage.

We have our reindeer head inside our small window. No one will see it apart from us as it’s at the back of the house but it looks lovely. 🦌

We’re now watching Christmas movies in an attempt to be festive. We do find we have to “try” to be festive in this house… but we are on it….

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎄🎄

Have read a few things recently that have got me thinking about Christmas approaching. Our first Christmas with this random virus that’s changed our world.

Now I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again…. Christmas lost its sparkle for me a good while back and it’s been something that I just had to get through for a good few years. That’s not that it wasn’t a lovely day but the thoughts inside my head were very negative and ate away at me while I smiled on the outside. Yet this year I am so much more relaxed knowing that I have no pressure on me to do things that I don’t want to do. As I write that, I appreciate how sad that might sound to some but it’s just where I am at the moment. The meds I’m on for depression stop the very negative thoughts but they also numb excitement for me and these days I can kinda take or leave anything. This year I have no pressure other than to buy gifts for family and friends and write cards to people to send a wee minding from our house to theirs and visit those nearest and dearest.

How would I have felt before? When I lived for the rat race and Christmas nights out were planned months in advance and we were counting down the days until time off work. How would I feel if that had been taken away from me by a virus?!?!? I have just realised how utterly sad and depressing this must feel to have had “normality” put on hold indefinitely.

I don’t know where I’m going with this but it’s just something that’s been mulling round in my head today.

Love this Christmas cushion too. Spotted it in a charity shop in Auchterarder last year. It was the “A VERY” that drew me too it!!!!

So it’s early and I’m going to put this out today as I’m tired. We have takeaway from the Gateside Inn tonight which is lovely. Craigs been back at work today and is feeling better. He’ll be knackered when he gets in.

I might just coorie in and have a nap.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

So yeah it’s 6.40pm and I haven’t really stopped all day. Well I have… I’ve just been asleep on the couch as the house is now so super cosy… but I’ll get to that.

I am very calm today. Calm and clear in my head which is always lovely. Up at 7, showered and house tidied in time for the heating engineer arriving at 8.30am. He was coming to service the Gateside Hall boiler but I asked him to look at our heating which hadn’t been working for about 3 weeks. 14.5 deg is very cold when it’s inside your house in autumn/winter.

He worked for a few hours replacing the pump and headed over to the hall for the boiler service. Our heating never warmed up so when he popped back to say he was away he had to go back up and see what was wrong. He said it must be an electrical fault so we had to call and electrician.

In the meantime we had a Pawsitive Solutions meeting where we all took some pretty big actions. Moving forward in the new year!

About 1.30 I headed down to Irvine to get my leather bag from Timpsons… yes the one that Calaidh chewed. I walked up to the store and the guy said “nope…. sold it!!” I love that attitude from folk as it makes me laugh!

I had a quick wonder around Irvine just because I’d driven that way… you understand how it is?!?

Back home and the electrician has been already!!!!!!!!! Didn’t charge us anything but fixed the electrical fault…. we had dinner at 4.30pm. Craig is finally feeling better and has eaten his first meal and it’s not been rejected…… 😳😬🤫🙄😷

We have started watching the Queens Gambit on Netflix and so have watched 3 episodes since dinner…. and I crashed out. The house is sooooo cosy and warm. It’s the first time I’ve fallen asleep on the new couch. Gutted I missed half of the last episode though!

So a busy and functional day doth not a beautiful and magical blog make…. but I feel calm. That’s such a wonderful feeling.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Ok so we’re not skiing or snowboarding but prepare for a squillion photos today.

Craig was up sharp this morning (turns out there’s a reason for that…) and shouted that there was snow as loads of people were posting pictures (as they do!) He was due to drive a long distance this morning to a park to meet a couple for some dog behavioural training. Usually when we have snow the main roads are fine.

Craig, however, is not fine, poor soul. It’s after 2 and he’s lying on the couch with a VERY dodgy tum and can’t eat anything. He’s a very pale shade of grey. I’m staying away. 😷

THE dog walk had to be split into 3 today due to the compacted ice everywhere. I’m not daft!

Had calls to make for Pawsitive Solutions so did them until after 12 then off out with Calaidh.

I came back and confirmed that Craig is still pretty grey and had another call to make them had our monthly tapping group. So lovely to see the ladies all together again. We worked on areas of pain in the body and what the discomfort was trying to tell us. That reminds me that I’ve had to book a doc appointment for my knee as it’s too sore now. However tapping told me that I don’t drink enough or nourish my body properly which won’t be helping.

Today’s blog was overtaken by snow. It was meant to be about my 700 days of sobriety!! So out of the last 703 days… I haven’t drunk alcohol for 700 of them!

And you know what. I am pretty damn proud of that. Way to go me!!!

Next to tackle… food. Sometime. Soon maybe. After Christmas. See what I did there?!?

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Wow as much as I love it… my windows look dreadful in the low sun today. Now I’m not gonna lie, life with 3 border collies does not for a clean window make…. that said. They don’t look anything like that bad until the sun shines. It only seems like a few weeks since I cleaned them. So I thought I’d write this. Concentrate on the blog and not in the windows. The sun will pass…. (it has already… windows back to acceptable standard).

I woke up really stiff in the middle of the night. Now I have to say…. ok guys… not that funny…. I can hear the sniggering now. Sore joints, clenched muscles etc. it could be the standing out in the cold yesterday or maybe a lack of water as I hardly drank anything yesterday. Needless to say I had a lovely wee lie in until the back of 9 and I’m a bit looser now. Not sure why I even started this paragraph…. 😬😆

I had a look on The Rambling Sloth Instagram and FB pages as they always give me a positive news feed so a good way to start the day. I stumbled on a Glennon Doyle clip that for some reason I was drawn to. I very rarely watch things on Instagram but this called me to open it.

She was answering a question that she most gets asked……. “how do you know if you’re a writer”……. I felt like she was talking just to me. Click the link below if you want to watch it. There are subtitles so you don’t need sound. Wow…..

How do I know if I’m a writer??

No let’s get this clear, I hated English at school and yet I love writing this blog. There are days where it’s tougher than others but I feel a real connection putting “pen to paper”…. funny how we still say that.

So food for thought. I have notes from all over the place during my journey and maybe how’s the time to go back and write it all up and see what comes out?! who knows?

The kitchen had been fully cleaned and tidied, the washing machine run on a clean the washing machine cycle and its time for a walk with the dogs. The weather is so changeable today it’s like a cold April!

While I remember… a major breakthrough today in terms of COVID-19.

As always I will tell the truth on here. I am scared of being vaccinated. What if they’ve got it wrong and mass vaccination 💉 gives us other huge issues? I am fairly certain I will get it when the finally get to my age group but it does gnaw away at me and this is the next thing that everyone is fighting about.

Regular readers (😂) might be aware of my recent low mood and this next one sums it up perfectly. I have Kinesiology booked for this afternoon so that I can lose some of the anger that’s building up inside me.

Anyway it’s now 8.30pm! I’ve had to have the van’s front tyres blown up before I went out today, then had to jump start it… went to the supermarket and then kinesiology.

It was amazing as ever. I went in like a raging storm and came out like a calm breeze. Life would be so easy if I could get myself into that relaxed state by myself but I still need help with it for now. Was lovely to be out in the real world for an appointment… almost like normal.

I got back home at 7 and Claire and I went for a walk around Beith to look at Christmas lights. Sadly it was pretty wet and hardly anyone has their lights up yet which was surprising. Was still lovely to have a good gab and a wander in the dark for a change!

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

It’s been a day and a half. I might resort to bullet points in the interests of brevity. I am super tired after a full on day but mood wise it’s all good. I’ve been too busy to think about anything else….. maybe a good thing?!

8.50am Abbie the wonderful camper van wouldn’t start. Lucky I got a jump starter kit for my birthday from Craig. Don’t even need another vehicle. Lucky Craigs in the house to show me how to work it.

9am Abbie is running and I’m off the morning puppy job in Ayr

10-1 puppy training with a gorgeous 14 wk Australian Labradoodle. Even got a cuddle.

1-3.30 Ayr to Irvine to drop my leather bag into Timpsons to get the strap stitched. (Calaidh chewed!) Grabbed a Costa but you can’t drink a takeaway in the shopping centre now as you’re wearing a mask. It’s cold by the time I get it then home.

Craig is leaving as soon as I get in so I head back out to the post office to post a jigsaw to mum and dad.

3.40pm-5.15pm driving home from the post office I saw a man on the ground who had fallen and there were a few women with him. I don’t know why I stopped but I think it was because I had the van. I thought I could help. I ended up being the only one with a phone so had to call 999 for the first time in my life. He had a bad gash above and below his eye and his glasses were annihilated which is a sign of how hard he fell. We waited for 55 minutes until a paramedic called and I had to allow him to access my phone camera so I could show the wounds. It was still bleeding really badly so the ambulance then arrived in about 10 minutes. He’s away to Crosshouse Hospital. He is going to have a sore one but it felt really good to be able to help. I went to move the van…. battery flat again. Had to use my new jump starter and do it all by myself. The ladies were impressed. So was I!

5.15-7.30 Pawsitive solution calls

7.30 HOUSE IS ONLY 14.5 DEGREES!!!!!!!!!!!! Started both fires without kindling. Running between the two to try and keep them going. Brought an electric fire in to the living room to help. Baked potatoes in the microwave then oven… extra heat!!

Now it’s nearly 9 and we’ve just eaten.

I might have a day off tmro….. 😬

In all honesty I’m good. Maybe busy is a good thing.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Felt like I was up and down all night then switched the 7am alarm off and slept right through until 9! Had planned to walk the dogs before 9… change of plan. Craig walked the dogs!

So I’ve had a pretty good day for organising my stuff and I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been directed at almost every turn… that’s what I needed and it’s the only way it was going to get done.

Craig and I went through bags of Christmas stuff to see what we had for everyone. There are piles of presents in the office floor now just waiting to be wrapped. I can cope with presents lying around rather than bags of stuff.

I keep using that word… stuff…. but I’ve been overwhelmed by my belongings recently. Having been really successful in selling things last year, I was aware of the amount of money that I was sitting on. You can sell everything these days. However, I was never getting round to selling things and it would have been a huge job so I was stressing about being surrounded but never doing anything about it.

Yesterday morning I realised that it just had to go. I wasn’t going to get it sold anytime soon and getting it out of the house is half the battle.

So yesterday I made a pact with Claire next door that I would have a huge clear out this afternoon. If it didn’t fit me…. it went to charity. If it was done it got binned. End off.

So…. I did it. About 6 or 7 huge bags of clothes and a box for charity AND 4 large bags for the bin. I have been without Ruth 🤣🤣 (can’t think who used to say this for ruthless but it still makes me giggle!!) and it did get easier towards the end as things that I’d moved house with for years and years and years got cleared out.

I feel like a weight has been lifted and lovely Claire is going to take it all to charity for me. We filled her car when I had the bags ready.

I can’t ever thank her enough for this kind of support. She didn’t get anything out of it and it was all to help me out.

I am not gonna lie…. there is a chance that I might lob a brick through her car window overnight to take back some things that I’m freaking out about…. that’s the reason it’s in her car though 😬 if it was in here I’d have the bags half emptied by tomorrow.

I have never really been a hoarder but I am a weight fluctuator (that is not a word!!) so I have clothes for every size from 8-18. I only kept a very small amount of what I went through today and I’m sure there will be more to come. This time I may be able to take it to charity myself.

So I feel good tonight. Calm. Clear headed. So truly grateful for that kind of support and strict rules to adhere to.

Trying not to think about what’s in her car…. still 😬🤣

Stay safe everyone 😬😬😬

I could rename this blog with Calaidh chewed my leather handbag strap but I won’t… I will focus on the positive and take the bag to Timpsons to have it stitched. Just like my Grandad would have done when he had his shoe shop.

We were very lucky in the village this year when Holly who owns the pub decided to try and get a big Christmas tree die outside the memorial hall. She started asking some questions and next thing you know the Gateside Plant Centre had donated a 10ft tree and some neighbours Guy & Heather donated and fitted the lights. Such a lovely guesture.

Claire and I went shopping within North Ayrshire this morning to pick up some lights for the windows of the hall. We wanted nets of lights but couldn’t get anything like that.

Home for a bite of lunch then Claire, Rachel and I decorated the hall.

It even cheered little old bah humbug me. I felt pretty low this morning but as the days gone on I have focussed on the tasks at hand and my head has been kept busy.

So let’s be clear here. I am not a particularly festive person these days. In fact almost the opposite. This year I might just about manage it. Maybe a teeny weeny little bit festive.

Those who know me will be shocked to know that I actually wrapped presents and wrote some cards today…… it’s November. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess I needed the distraction and it’s working.

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎄🎄

What a stunningly beautiful day today. Crisp, clear and fresh. Yes you guessed it a lot of photos to come!

Despite this I’m still having to work to lift my mood a bit. I feel really sad and I guess it’s most like COVID-19 that’s causing it although for me it’s hard to separate out. When I woke up this morning my first thought was a sense of dread that I had another whole day with nothing to do. All the years I would have killed for this moment. Yet it’s more than just being bored…. it’s a confusion and stress that I can’t think where best to focus my efforts. It’s an exhaustion that doesn’t end.

Anyway enough of the negative…. here are some photos of the day!

We need 2 frisbees in our house. One for Calaidh and one between Bhruic & Freya. Guaranteed which ever one you first through for Calaidh will NOT be the one she spends the rest of the time with. She just will not let it go and is happy to walk about the field shaking it and growling with it!

So back home with the dogs, shower, hair wash and up to the Little Coffee Caravan!

Drove for a good wee while round some back roads to…. yip you guessed it… Largs!

Had to reverse again at one point as the grass verges were too soft to use as a passing place. I’m getting quite used to that now.

I have another million pictures of the sun glistening on the water. I was trying to get the different movements of it through the waves but the best ones are when it’s almost straight.

There a clarity about the air today that’s sadly lacking inside my head. It was so beautiful. Truly magical. Ok you get that I liked it huh?!?!

Drove home about 1ish and have done nothing much for the rest of the day. I’ve had a good nap on the new couch which is amazing for a nap. I lit the candles and the fire was already on.

We’ve watched a film and had oven fish and chips for tea that were way better than any chippy!

I just need to try and get to the bottom of what’s eating away at me just now. Is it because we can’t go anywhere? Though I think I quite like that. Is it because this new life is really strange? Maybe? Is it because I’m not fully working that I’m scared when anything goes “wrong” and my default position is to not be well again?!?

Not sure but I don’t like it and it needs to do one. Positive mental attitude please!!

Stay safe everyone 🔆🔆🔆

When I woke up at 7 after another dream free sleep, Craig was still out for the count. I did an initial mood assessment on a trip to the loo and surmised that I was calm but still pretty sad. And quiet. (Yes I know miracles will never cease!)

One good thing about having the Rambling Sloth Fb page is that the news feed is very similar to the kinds of things I write about. So I decided to start the day with a look through the Rambling Sloth news feed. it was a good idea….

So a good start to the day thinking positively. It’s not even 7.30am yet. Don’t worry I’m not gonna write about every minute of my day!

I sat and read my book in Grans chair for an hour or so.

I keep forgetting to say that we have no heating just now. The thermostat is looking for heat and it’s not getting it. One of my FB friends had no heating last week and described it like walking out a door into the Arctic tundra! Made me laugh as the wall of cold is intense.

So I stoked up the stove and the fire to build up some heat for the day. Craig made breakfast when he got up and I went over to Largs to pick up my glasses from Specsavers.

Way back in the early days of my blog, the leg fell off my good glasses. Today about 240+ days later I have them back!

I didn’t even have the energy to wander today. The rain came on and I was there and gone within half an hour. Didn’t even get a coffee!!! Unheard of….

I’ve spent most of the afternoon moving “stuff” from room to room again while poor Craigie’s been dealing with Mighty Mouse in the shed! Much rather have my job than his. I’ve decided when we tackle the loft we need to start with clothes. Go through all our old stuff and get rid of it once and for all and make space.

We have a takeaway coming from the Gateside Inn tonight so I don’t have to cook. All good. I’m lying on the day bed with Freya drinking 0% Leffe which is lovely!

Hope you all have a good Friday night, in the house as there’s nothing else to do through COVID-19!

Stay safe everyone 🧡🧡🧡

It’s a late one tonight and I’m actually quite lost for words today. Check me. I feel the need to be quiet…. bout time I know.

Again, I’m ok and don’t want anyone worrying, just writing about another day in the life….

Up early today to prepare the living room for the new couches!

As Craig said… in 12 years this is our first new couch together!! Not a dog hair in sight!!!

Decided to carry on hoovering (sharking!) the hallway and Calaidh came running as she hates the hoover. I thought she was behind a closed door. She knocked the shelves in the hall and mixed berries scented oil went all over the wall, new floor tiles, the wooden shelving unit, an antler that the dogs chew… so had all that to clean up.

Then found that the Furbo I’d sold on eBay wasn’t working properly…. the guy had just received it…. well I went into orbit at that. He said it was faulty and it had been used. It hasn’t been used at all, not touched but could be faulty because I hadn’t tested it… why wouldn’t I test it before I sent… why did I bother trying to sell it… why… why… why. Mood set for rest of day.

So I’m pleased to say the dogs have stayed off the couches for the most part. A bit of dog behavioural skill working in our house today.

I’ve pottered, tidied, cleaned but I’m sad and quiet. Bliss for some 🤣 I’ve read a couple of sad news’s stories on FB about border collies I follow and I guess when you’re a bit down you attract more down stuff.

Stay safe everyone 🧡🧡🧡

I’ve had a lovely day today, just calm and relaxed with no stress and no pressure.

I’d been having pretty nasty dreams where I was torturing myself for decisions I’ve made in the past, blaming myself for everything. Last night NOTHING. Just sleep. It’s such a relief and means you don’t wake up in a stressful mess in the morning. Thanks to kinesiology yesterday. Cannot thank Shelagh enough. 💜

I feel very quiet. Very calm and still pretty tired, but I will take the calm any day.

A neighbour stopped me this morning to give me some hi vis stuff for the dogs. You can only see Bhru’s but how lovely.

So this morning I was going with my neighbour Holly to the cash and carry them a wee trip for brunch to Gro Coffee in Irvine.

Craig reckons this top of this had Donald Trump hair. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Think it was candy floss so I brought that top one home for him. I managed 2 and a quarter! I sound like my gran when I say “I mean it really didn’t have to be quite that big….” 🤦🏻‍♀️😆🤣

Back home before 12 and have done all sorts today…. booked the boiler service for the Village Hall being the most significant. Another thing off the list!

I got a belated birthday present the other day…. well I’ve had two recently (both from Craig!) but the first was a jigsaw of one of Hope Blamire’s paintings which I love!

I have stopped to write the blog as I was getting a it overwhelmed by it all…. 😆

When Craig came home from work last night I had my noise cancelling headphones in and was singing along to Faurés Requiem!! For those of you who don’t know I was in the church choir when I was younger and this is one of the most significant pieces that I remember us doing and I know a lot of it off by heart.

It was a wonderful trip down memory lane as an alto part kicks in and I think of my Auntie Marion and Brigitte singing alto and think I can hear their voices (should not I am listening to a TOTALLY different choir!!!)

Such a special moment until I sensed Freya sensing something going on at the door. Craig was home! I got the giggles 🤭

He must come home and wonder which wife he’s getting most nights?!

In covid news yesterday was sadly the highest number of deaths since May.

We got note of new rules over Christmas.

I’m not sure what difference this will make as everyone will want different people in their bubbles. If I have mum and dad and Craigs mum and stepdad then the 4 of them can’t see anyone else. Mum & dad would want my brother and Craigs mum would want her other kids. Difficult.

These are really sad times. While I love the chance to be a home bird, I miss the chance to visit people like I used to.

Just have to take the good days when they come and be grateful for everyone we love.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Another early start and start out with the pups. It’s a miserable day again, it hardly even got light but I’m writing this on my day bed in the spare room… now my office… with candles, twinkly lights and my Freya shadow by my side.

Someone asked me how I could be so happy at that ridiculous time of day when I shouted “morning!”…. I said…. “it’s all put on…. I’m lying, I really mean ugh morning (grumpy voice!)” she laughed!!

Was back home for 9, quick coffee and back out for kinesiology. I can feel the tears burning in my eyes on the way there. I feel bad again today. Very sad, very tired, despite a deep but dream filled sleep and I woke with a thumper of a headache.

As usual Shelagh calms my whirling mind. The session always starts with a chat then a balance. I love a balance. I can literally feel my whittering mind emptying. I’ve said before I go in like a tornado and come out like a calm breeze.

This week we dealt with self blame and how I blame myself for everything in my life. Shelagh with me to clear that once and for all. That’s what I like about kinesiology. It clears all these fears and beliefs for good.

I am so much more calm when I leave 💜

I then popped in past my lovely 80 year old friend and got a lovely birthday present from her. I’m sorry to say I had 4 cards to drop off for her 80th in October and she was over the moon with them all. She thanked everyone again for their kindness.

She had bought me a cream cookie which is essentially a bit like a roll with cream inside it. It’s not sickly sweet, it was heaven on a roll. No photos. It was scoffed way too fast!!

So ending these days on a positive note. I’m still sad and tired but it’s coming from a place of calm, a place of healing.

This is a bloody tough journey at times. Wow that brought the tears, but it’s my journey and I’m fighting on every step of the way. I would like a rest and to not have to fight but it is what it is. That day will come. This too will pass.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Listen to me for a day…. 🥱🤐

Jeezo… not sure what’s hit me today but it’s another very sad and tired day in the life of…

It’s actually been a very productive day. By 10am and I had walked the dogs, poop scooped the garden, put the recycling in the bins, emptied and refilled the dishwasher, parcelled up some items I’d sold on eBay, taken them to the post office AND been to the co-op for a mini shop. (Breathe!!)

Very productive. Yet I feel like a lead brick. Tired, exhausted and very sad. As soon as I tell someone I feel sad… the tears start and then they flow for a while.

I had 9 Pawsitive Solutions calls to make so sent them all emails to advise we are fully booked until January… that bought me a bit of time until I felt strong enough to talk to people.

It’s amazing how you can put yourself down so easily.

How will I ever manage the puppy jobs if I have a day I feel like this?

Why am I still feeling rotten after all this time, why can’t I just be “normal”? (Yeah I know…. what even is that?!)

My head spins with all sorts of negativity. I’m not good enough, how hard to I have to make it, I have so much that I want to do that it swirls round in my head yet I can’t be bothered doing any of it. But I will stress about not doing it and then add to it.

I tried to do a Suzanne Robichaud hypnotherapy session again. It’s to stop you reacting to triggers. I conked out. I remember breathing at the start of it then the phone ringing….. it’s Craig and he says “I’m home!!”…. he was standing at the bedroom door, saw me with headphones on and thought I’d be slightly less terrified if he called me rather than tried to wake me up. Took me a while to figure out who and where I was and why he was home. I’d slept for an hour.

I’ve mentioned naps a lot recently but this is the first time I’ve actually slept in the middle of the day. I am just tired of being tired.

We had soup and rolls for lunch and a wee chat about Craigs day then I came back up to follow up some calls. Now felt able to speak to people.

Also organised my van insurance since it’s been converted.

So all in all a successful day, albeit a bit miserable. I have kinesiology in the morning so I can’t wait for that to help me straighten out my head.

Sorry for the moan today.

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Ok so I know I don’t exactly have the stressful working life that I used to have but it has been really nice to have a week off from the day-to-day.

I’m antsy today. My head is running at 100 miles an hour and despite attempts to calm it, I’ve not quite managed it through the day.

My head has a million things running round it. I dreamt very heavily, woke up with a headache and have been irritated for a lot of the day. I have so many things that I want to do that I’m spending time stressing about not doing them rather than accepting what will be done and what won’t be done.

I see stuff everywhere, everything is cluttered, surfaces covered, things out of place. Honestly nothing is even that bad, it’s my head that’s telling me it is.

I even struggled to talk without being breathless today as my head is running ahead of my mouth. Must be a bad day if my mouth can’t keep up. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

Craig went out to fix a drawer in the van than had collapsed a bit and when I went out he told me my hat was hanging over the near side mirror. Someone must have found it near the van. It was soaking so I left it there to dry……. no prizes for guessing what happened next?!?!? I pottered about and decided to go for a drive.

Heading out the village and I see something fly past the window behind me…. yip… Hat. Of course it was! Slams on brakes, u-turn, back for hat… still soaking…. u-turn… back on my way again.

Headed up to Barcraigs Reservoir.

This was a pretty cool view but kind of in a passing place which wasn’t ideal.

Decided to take a scenic route home. Just put gone into the sat nav and turned a few times against the quickest route.

BIG MISTAKE!!

You have to squint to see this but up ahead there’s a Council van filling potholes. They did not close the road and they refused to move. They were also slinging tar stuff in holes like they didn’t give a damn.

So there I am with the mini in front of me stuck on a single track road with nowhere to go but backwards. The verges were too soft to turn in so I had to reverse all the way back down the hill until I found a turning point. Good old reverse camera and a bit of nifty reversing!

Went back to the reservoir on the way home and got more photos!

When I got back I blackened the floor of the van where the twin seats had been removed. Pottered some more, ate lots of pizza, crocheted but all the while there is an irritation. That antsyness that needs to go.

Stay safe everyone 💕💕💕

Had a lovely wee early morning walk with Claire this morning!

So I decided to have a wee day out to myself.

Here I am in Abbie the campervan in Largs, appreciating stillness. I’ve had a Little Coffee Caravan oat latte and a large bit of Victoria Sponge.

I have the heater on and I’m working on my crochet blanket that had sprung some holes. I’ve been meaning to do this for ages. Stressing about the holes growing bigger and not fixing them after I’d put all the work into crocheting it.

This is what my van was for. A chance to chill, a chance to relax and reflect. I have had the loveliest time. I’ve put stuff up for sale, I’ve taken a whole lot of photos. “No?!?!?” You say… “surely not….” 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

I’m listening to Fearne Cotton’s Happy Place podcast and she’s interviewing Deepak Chopra. They are talking about how in the western world we don’t appreciate stillness.

We all spend so much of our time running around with work, clubs, deadlines etc that I don’t know that we ever really take the time just to stop and be still. I am loving every minute of this. A chance to do nothing but catch up on my crochet and watch the tide come in. I can’t bring myself to leave 😆

It’s funny…. the only slight negative today was that I had nothing to drink and I got thirsty. I had bottles of Diet Coke in the fridge with no bottle opener…. I had water but it wasn’t fresh enough to drink, only to boil and I couldn’t be bothered boiling it….. and yes there were shops, but I stayed in the van! It’s probably the thirst that drove me home. Gets home and finds can of juice in handbag. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 oh how I laughed!

So today I’ve taken some time to reflect, recharge, rest and relax. I’m home now with Craigie and the monster pups and the fire’s roaring and the candles are on

I’ve not seen any covid news today or any other news for that matter. just watched the sea do it’s thing and that’s good enough for me.

Stay safe everyone 🔥🔥🔥

I was a little bit grumpy when I woke up this morning…. not entirely certain why. Last working day of our holidays and it feels like it’s over in a flash.

I was meant to be meeting the Gateside Hookers (the crochet ladies!) foe lunch today but we had to cancel because of the latest restrictions.

So this morning we headed back down to Tartan Campers so that Mr A could have a chat about the possibility of improving the storage in the back of the Jeep. Even got a wee coffee while we were there.

Came home and got the dogs out and then headed up to see the in-laws outdoors before they head into level 4 lockdown at 6pm tonight. It was a quick flying visit but I got a wee drive in Abbie, they got to see her and we all wore masks to be careful. Was so lovely to see them but we have to do the merry COVID-19 dance and try not to be too close… it’s all just a wee bit sad.

We also got a wee cuddle with Cookie which was lovely!! Cu-cu-cook-cook-cook-cook-cook-cook-cookie is what we both call her!! Give you a laugh, I said that out load just now just to make sure I got enough cook-cook’s in and Calaidh, Bhruic and Freya went nuts and jumped all over me while Bhru decided to lick my face….. yeuch!!! I’m gonna try it again for a laugh!!!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 only Bhru this time… the other 2 realised she’s not actually here 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s the simple things in life eh?!

Yes Helen was wearing a Christmas jumper and we could see that the house was festooned with Chrissy decs from the window!!! 🎄🤶🏼🎅🏼. We left with shouts of see you in 3 weeks but I don’t know if this level change will be any different in 3 weeks. We need to wait and see.

I would like to head over to my mum and dads too but they are just that bit further away…. they’re heading up to level 2 on Tuesday but I can’t take my level 3 and drive through level 4 to get to their lovely rosey level 2!! Dad did say he thinks he can drink alcohol outside a pub now. That’s about all that level 2 gives.

I think I’m feeling a bit covid sad today. It’s been a lovely day but we can’t leave North Ayrshire now….. I guess I’m more aware of the restrictions given we now know people who are catching it.

It’s already 8pm so this is a wee short one tonight. I’m sitting on my camp bed as the couches have gone to the big dust bin in the ground. Oh I really struggled seeing them out in the rain this morning. But anyway, move on, get over it, only another 5 more nights in front of the tv on camp beds!!!

Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️