Not many people can say that…. Well 21 folk can that were at the Fit Body Farm.

We had a great challenge this morning. One half of the team scores as many baskets as possible while the other team reaches 100m on the rowing machine, the ski-erg and 2500m on the assault bike.

There’s a great spirit to get through the metres as fast as possible so the other team score the fewer number of baskets. Who said I’m not competitive?!

I really enjoyed it. I still don’t feel the best but the anxiety has gone. I think the routine through the week helps as I can’t do anything other than the Farm and work. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Sunrise over Tartan HQ….

I spotted a CHRISTMAS TREE tonight on my way home….. I thought there was a law that said you have to have your Christmas lights down by 6th January?!?

I guess they have the right idea as lights are nice and make you smile on dark winter days.

Not much else to report from here….. ooh other than Craig made a lovely veggie curry. Super healthy and super tasty. how could I forget that. Just what I needed.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Well I slept the sleep of kings…. I don’t even know what that means but it sounds dramatic. 🤣🤣 I was out for the count until 9am! Was in one of those really deep sleeps you don’t ever want to wake up from. That’s a whole lot of sleep I’ve had this weekend. I’m trying not to have a nap today otherwise I’ll want one tomorrow too. 🤣🤣

I knew my head wasn’t good again. It felt better just to keep on sleeping. As least then I can try to control the chatter. It’s been incessant again all day today.

I feel really sad. The tears are never far away and honestly there is no reason that I can put my finger on. My head is calm now but it’s questioned my every waking move today.

I know that I do this to myself and no have all the tools to get me out of it yet sometimes I just really struggle to move on from it.

I drove to Largs to finally get my glasses tightened. They’ve been hanging off my nose for months!

Now in all the time I’ve visited Largs I have NEVER noticed this wall was a Viking ship.

One of our neighbours posted photos a while back with her kids on it!! Who knew?!?! I hunted it out today…. 🤣

I went into the pound shop to look for red wool as the Crochet Hookers are aiming to crochet poppies for Remembrance Day this year…. This bucket made me laugh.

I stopped for a Coconut Milk Latte and Vegan Breakfast in Costa Coffee. I’m not even feeling like eating meat just now either.

I guess looking back I didn’t really appreciate being in Largs. I didn’t relax like I usually do. I felt uncomfortable as if everyone was watching me. Abbie the campervan felt huge. Where would I park? (The usual place) I had my new hiking boots on… they felt huge, I questioned whether I should be driving in them…. (course I could) just a tiny wee snippet of some of the things going on in my mind.

I headed for Morrisons for a food shop. (Never been to this shop, can’t find anything, should have gone to one you know)

I tried not to buy meat and just wittered away to myself all the way round. Stupid idea trying not to eat meat. How would I get protein? What would I eat? Craig would take one look and wonder where all the real food was (he didn’t).

So I decided to head back home as I was too… nervous (?!?!?!) to drive down to Portencross Beach for some photos…..

Had a wee play with the dogs in the garden when I got back.

I decided to take Calaidh for a walk as I couldn’t cope with all 3 dogs at once. (I’m useless don’t you know…)

Sunshine over Gateside.

It’s a beautiful day today. I try to breathe in the fresh air. Appreciate the beauty.

It’s amazing the way the light changes in the winter sun. Bright with the sun behind me and dark when you take photos into the sun.

I may or may not have given the pups some treats when I got home. Safe to say they were all up for it!

So that was my weekend. I’ve had a nice big rest again… but my overthinking has been out of control. I feel nervous, jittery, like I’m waiting for the worst to happen.

I have Kinesiology on Tuesday I think (I hope) so maybe get to the root cause of it all. I usually write this and have some eureka moment but not this weekend.

I’m looking forward to some exercise tomorrow morning back at FBF. I know that will help.

So yeah… Sunday night again.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Awake at 7.30 this morning… almost a lie in! We’ve been watching The Handmaids Tale… Rachel tow doors down has been telling us to watch it for ages and we finally got to it! She’s right!

I’ve had bad anxiety today. I’ve felt really tearful and overwhelmed for absolutely no reason as all other than my head is lying to me.

I was about to say here that I’m sure you’re as sick of reading it as I am of writing it but that’s my head telling me I’m not good enough. This is not enough….

In an effort to calm the noise I went out with the dogs. It’s a funny day, not a breath of wind but super cloudy. Very still.

Claire came in for a cuppa late morning and she got it all….. it’s hard for me when there really is nothing bothering me other than all this noise in my head. I seem to put real pressure on myself to “perform” at weekends and I only relax when I finally let myself believe that it’s ok to rest.

She brought me these lovely flowers as she knew I wasn’t feeling full of the joys.

They’re so lovely and so lovely of her to do that 💐

It’s 2pm and I’m in bed writing this. I’ve tried to concentrate on other things, I got showered to go out then figured that the shops would be too busy so best wait until tomorrow. I went upstairs to sort through stuff to put up for sale and took some photos then decided no one would want to buy it.

Jeezo…. Will it just stop already.

I managed a good 2 hours. Me and the puppers…. We woke up just in time for Craig coming home.

Thats been me today. I feel soooooo much better after a sleep. My mind is calm.

We’ve ordered Chinese for tonight and I’m trying a veggie Satay for a change. Could be a hit or a miss but we’ll see.

A wee Scottish funny to end with…. I remember people saying this!! To be fair… they probably still do.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

FBF was amazing this morning. I was really tired. Not often do I wake up with the alarm, I’m usually awake earlier. I felt drugged and the first half of the session felt really tough.

Everyone is so friendly and it’s great to get a good bit of banter at 6am!

I always seem to find more energy towards the end of the session. Almost as if my body settles into it.

This was the view that met us when we got back… some sneaky puppies somehow got out of their bedroom while we were away.

I had to put ice on my shins when we got back. Enjoyed the ice with a lovely coffee.

I spent the morning clearing out the spare room. It’s not finished by any matter of means but I have about 5 bags for charity already.

I do find it difficult as I’m overwhelmed by stuff…. Even despite our huge clearout a few years back… I feel we have stuff everywhere and not all of it can go to charity or be sold.

As a society we create so much rubbish on a daily basis that I hate to add to it with things that just don’t have a use for anymore.

In this day and age it just feels so wrong to be throwing things out.

I kept going until about 11.30 until I needed another coffee 😬

We had lunch booked in the pub next door at 2pm…. My stomach was rumbling before we end in and it’s certainly not after that meal we had.

I was desperate to have Macaroni Cheese 🧀 but I know that the portions are huge and I still wanted to have my protein and veg 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 the best part was they brought me out a tiny ramekin of Mac n’cheese!! I scoffed the lot and then wondered why I couldn’t finish my salad 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Holly had bought me this to try….

It’s lovely! I’m so lucky that they get different alcohol free drinks for me to try. I even recommended it to a guy who came in later who was driving and he had one too. I

And then back home, electric blanket on and into bed for a few hours. My legs are sore…. I needed recuperation.

This wee face when I woke up….

Love it when her wee tongue sticks out!

So a quiet night for me in front of the tv. Might have an alcohol free gin and caffeine free Diet Coke. It makes me laugh to type that. When did life get so specific…. 😆🥳

Yet thankfully so full of peace.

Stay safe everyone ♥️🧡💜

Wow it’s 8.49pm and I am just home. Check me, gallivanting. She who couldn’t lift her backside off the couch last night, full of beans to meet my friend Lea for coffee tonight!

I woke at 4.45am with anxiety bubbling away. I tried every breathing exercise I could think of to stop it…. Then I picked up my phone. Not ideal but it does divert the attention. I felt like I had drunk about 4 cups of coffee.

I just got up and got lunch ready and headed into work early. Ended up not getting there very early as I faffed about leaving the house. Nothing came easily.

I could not remember the code to get into our portacabin….. which I use almost on a daily basis. I tried everything apart from THE actual code….. I had to ask one of the boys to remind me. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Work was really busy again and passed by quickly. I reckon by mid day the anxiety had passed and I settle back down but I’m not really aware of when it faded away. I felt more in control this afternoon than I have all week.

I had to come home straight after work tonight to let the dogs out and feed them as Craig was working. Then I headed up to Silverburn Shopping Centre.

Doesn’t matter how tired I am, the time passed in a flash and we’d been talking in Starbucks for over two hours!!

Had a Five cheese toastie as a treat…. Well there’s a contradiction in terms…. Not sure it has ever seen real cheese. There was a thin layer of what looked like a cheesey butter. It was rotten. The vegan brownie was deeeelicious though.

Was so great to catch up.

It’s funny as the drive there and home actually scared me a bit in the dark! I don’t drive much in the dark and that’s a long, winding road. I have these visions of someone jumping out in front of me or peaking out through the trees… active imagination or what?!?

And now I’m home…. And I sit down and realise I’ve been wearing my leggings inside out the whole time….

The best of it is the label sticking out at the back… thank god I wore a long top.

Growing older gracefully….

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Fit Body Farm was great this morning. It was busy too! Shot some basketball hoops, getting better at that and managed some other exercises that I’ve not been able to do before now… the side plank raising one knee towards your chest then the other. The first time I tried that a few weeks ago, I crumpled into a giggling heap on the ground!

The shower I was in flooded right around the toilet and almost out the door and this time I managed to remove the cap over the top of the plug and remove the (let’s face it… mostly my…) hair. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 Water flowed freely. Job well done!

So you can tell I’m faffing around a story. I’m super tired tonight. It’s 8.28pm and my creative juices are not flowing at all. I cancelled meeting the Crochet Hookers tonight as the minute I sat down on the couch, I felt I couldn’t move.

My anxiety bubbled over this morning as if I had drunk some strong caffeine…. My head emptied and I couldn’t think straight at all. I became breathless and antsy.

Works been a challenge this week and on the grand scheme of things, for very simple reasons. I feel I have lost my control.

We moved the office around to accommodate a new desk for the new girl and I got a new laptop. Very simple things. Yet nothing I go to do has been that easy this week. Everything’s moved, new passwords for everything I try to log into, files to be moved from the old laptop and trying to determine the best training plan. All the while the day job is still needing done.

In my old life I’d have moaned the face off everyone but got on with it… now I seem to fall apart a bit more easily. Panic maybe that it’s all going to come back and spoil my good run.

That panic sentence finally brought the tears. I hit the nail on the head again. The fear that I might let everyone down by not being in control.

That’s the other reason I write this blog, to make sense of everyday things in my head.

When you suffer from anxiety you need all sorts of fail safes so you can fall back on something if your mind empties. I’ve not been able to manage these fail safe mechanisms properly as I’ve not had the same access to them.

So I was able to quietly explain to my boss that the anxiety wasn’t great, no tears, no breakdown, just the facts. Got back to my desk and got on with the list of things that need doing. By lunchtime I was back feeling more in control again.

I didn’t want to face a blog about negative chat tonight yet actually I need to take the positives from it. I now know what todays trigger was and maybe next time I’ll be able to stop it happening.

I’ve eaten a wee bit more junk than normal, comfort junk to try and make myself feel better…. 8 Quality Street are about 400 calories and they weren’t even that nice!!

There was a lovely sky outside tonight when I left… I dragged the boss man out to see it. I told him not to roll his eyes 🤣🤣

So early night for me. I’ve not moved off the couch wrapped in a blanket.

Tomorrow is another day and I will keep on going as I always do. Oooh more tears there. Big softie.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Not much to say about my day today other than it was busy. I finally managed to read my emails which I haven’t done since we went back on 5th January though so that’s something!

It’s also been so lovely to leave work in the daylight again. So much hope for some warmth of summer… hey still a long way to go for that mind you. Ahhhh flip flops…. 🩴

So….I’ve been wanting to watch My Octopus Teacher for a while now and never quite got round to it. i think you make time for something when you know that you need it. so I’ve watched it tonight as poor Craig is working late.

What a beautiful story. 🐙 Its a film about about a guy who suffered from burnout and couldn’t function at his job anymore. He started cold water swimming in the sea next to his house and he starts filming this octopus that he comes across. He decides to go back down there every day to watch her progress.

Wow.

It’s such a calming and heartwarming story to follow. A naturally sad ending but Bhruic was lying on my leg and she turned to give me extra cuddles when the tears fell at the end.

I would never have slowed down enough in the past to watch something like this. Nature is overwhelmingly beautiful and amazing. He learned so much from the Octopus in the ocean. I’ve learned so much from watching it.

She (the octopus!) taught him that everyone is very important and to sense how vulnerable all our lives on this planet. She taught him that we are part of this place and not just a visitor.

I’ve just had a big cuddle with Freya and really felt present when I cuddled her. I know how crazy I sound but it’s really calmed my head.

I was a bit frazzled today… I knew I needed something to calm that completely.

We got this lovely pot of hyacinths when Lorna came for a meeting with Craig a week or so back. They are starting to bloom and I was so pleased to see there are mini daffodils in there!

I’m never that fussed about cooking when Craig’s not here yet tonight I made green lentil and cauliflower curry. From scratch, without planning it and using food we had in the house.

What is the world coming to?

Check me!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Ooooh I’ve just had one of those days where all things electronic seemed too much like hard work….. 🤬🤬🤬

I have been in password looping hell 🤣 got a new laptop at work which asked WAY too many questions at startup….. we are a small business, it’s a business laptop…. But we don’t have an IT department or help desk. The laptop set up could not compute that.

I tried the personal set up route… wouldn’t have that.

Anyway I’m not gonna bore you with that, tomorrow is a new day and I’m going tackle it with a fresh head. I do now have a number to call so hope someone can help me and maybe the same password will work twice?!? Too much to ask?!

The printer ran out of toner last week…. I never allow that to happen… until now…. Makes everything a nightmare as you suddenly need to print everything to be able to function…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Turns out the toner is not due until next Thursday…. How is that even possible on Amazon Prime?!? (Ok I know it’s possible… i just don’t want it to be!)

So I manage to source it elsewhere for delivery tomorrow… not having another day faffing about. Two minutes later, next Thursday’s toner arrives!!!! I mean…. Come on…. Give a girl a break. Actually so chuffed to have it I’m not even angry!

We’ve been busy at work but it’s been a great buzz…. All things computer and printer related aside. 🤣

The Fit Body Farm was hard work this morning. Loads of running as we hadn’t managed any with the snow on Friday. All good though, I managed it and even felt like I kept up!

I feel so much better for working out. I’m really enjoying my meals and no craving junk food at all… it’s taken me so long to get back to this.

So that’s all for Monday… as Mondays go it was no half bad.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It rained all day until about 3pm and even then there have been showers. It’s funny how snow creates so much beauty where the rain after the snow makes everything look so soggy and dirty.

I’m not sure where the day has disappeared to. I’m tired today… I feel exhausted and sooooo ready for a Nana nap. Maybe I just need a wee bit more weekend recuperation after working so hard at the Fit Body Farm these days. Maybe it’s the weather.

The dogs were barking on and off from 6am do I got up at 8 and let them out. Settled into Gran’s chair and put the wood stove on. It was so super toasty it’s no wonder I’d felt tired. I sat and read a book for the first time in ages.

I’m back in Grans chair just now writing this. I’m in recline. What’s not to love. 💕

We finished the Netflix Stay Close last night, it was really good. I think I called it Stay Calm in my blog yesterday. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 Freudian slip?!?

The dogs were posing in pairs yesterday.

I’ve been to Tesco for a super healthy food shop today… got soaked even just to and from the van. When I got back I thought it had stopped so headed out with the dogs. Still managed to get soaked.

I even saw the sun in the sky!

The sun was really bright when it came out. Had a real glare and warmth to it.

Actually now I come to think of it…. I took the same photo on Friday in the snow.

I got chatting to a lady who lives just past the tree and was there for about 45 minutes! Craig wondered what had happened to me… not enough to send out a search party though… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

So feet up…. And not moving for the rest of the day. I managed to get nothing up for sale but hey… I’m tired and that takes priority.

When I think about how I used to fly through life…. Never stopping to breathe, always on the go.

Now I take all the time I need… when I can. Some days it feels like I should do more but it’s not happening today.

Day 650 of the blog feels like another milestone. 650 days of doing anything daily is a commitment and a half. 😆 ooooh I almost forgot my Clean Company “Rum”…. I treated myself!!

I’ve bought Caffeine Free Diet Coke to have with this tonight and I’m really looking forward to it!

Life can be tough when you don’t drink AND try to avoid caffeine…. But needs must to keep the anxiety wobbles at bay.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Soooo after yesterdays snow excitement I have literally nothing to talk about today… but you know me… I will try my best.

We went out to the Run 4 It again yesterday afternoon as Craig was getting new running trainers so I managed to get a pic of the set up in the shop.

There he is on the treadmill getting his gait analysis. He has straight legs unlike mine so his choice was pretty straightforward, unlike mine the other day. 😬🤣

We popped into a Sainbury’s Local in Glasgow and they had lots of food reduced. They are city centre, business district based so I guess a Saturday is quite quiet for them so we picked up loads that goes off on the 8th….. we’ve eaten most of it already to be fair! A real bargain.

Back home for dinner and had Gyoza 🥟 and noodles 🍜 which is super tasty and like a takeaway but without the cost and the calories. Craig popped into the pub after dinner while I watched more of the Crown.

Still not sure about it but still watching.

You don’t get much peace in this house…. But instead you get lots of lovely puppy cuddles… Freya was laying into me big time. She’s great for evening cuddles.

Didn’t get to bed until almost 12!! That’s unheard of these days. We’re watching Stay Calm on a Netflix and it’s pretty obsessive. Highly recommended!

So today has been all about the housework again…. I got a bit disheartened this morning as I felt like we were just no wind stuff around but I have to appreciate what we actually did.

I’m frantically trying to get the duvet cover dry so we get clean bed tonight too!!

The snow is almost all gone. It’s that yucky wet way where it looks really dirty outside. Craig walked the dogs and they came back in and shook mud up the walls of the hallway and all over the floor. I’d just hoovered. I tried to keep calm. Craig said he thought I needed to eat something…. Turns out he was right. After a bite of lunch all was calm again and the dirty hallway forgotten. Well it’s not…. But you know what I mean. On the grand scheme of things, it’s not the end of the world. After a fried egg Warburtons thin… all is good!

I popped into Claire’s for a cup of Turkish Tea and had some Salted Caramel Lindt chocolates for the first time. They’re really very lovely.

Feel like we hadn’t had a natter in ages. Was great to catch up. I took her some books and she gave me the same quantity in return…. Damn this trying to clear out malarkey 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣

Back home now and sitting in Grans chair while Nana’s stove is roaring away.

I lit a candle (Mulled Wine scented which will either be lovely or will mess with my non drinking head!) and I’m enjoying the peace. The pups are sleeping as the heat had knocked them out!

I love the silence. There’s a clock ticking. I can hear and feel my breathing. Every now and then there is a huge clatter from the other side of the house….. Craig’s clearing out the office. 🤷🏻‍♀️😊🤣

A wee Scottish funny to end with. Happy Saturday night!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow it’s blawin’ a hoolie out there today. It’s bitterly cold and the rain’s been torrential for a large part of the day. Makes going to the loo, from our cosy portacabin, a real thought! Obviously at my age… still a necessity!

My Auntie Jac took some amazing photos on her walk this morning so I’ll share one that she sent me.

Isn’t that beautiful? I can only imagine what it was like to see for real. Was lovely to see when I was stuck in a portacabin in the hammering rain!

So another busy day today. We have a new girl started to work in the office with me so I’ve been trying to train her while dealing with everything that comes up on a daily basis. Not always easy but will be worth it in the long run. She’s fitted in so well which is great!

The house was freezing when I got home. The wonders of owning an old house. When the wind blows strong it finds gaps that no one knew existed. The heating is ramped up and I’m wrapped up waiting for Craig to come home for dinner.

We had heavy snow forecast for overnight tonight but the forecast has changed and looks like it might be about 3 or 4 flakes. So disappointing!! I thought the Farm might be fun in the snow tomorrow.

And suddenly it’s my weekend again…. Yay!! A whole two days at work and off again. We’ve no plans for the weekend but I think it might be to have a big clear out. A pre-Spring clean. It so badly needs doing.

Decluttering is such a great thing today. I’m actually looking forward to it. Or…. There’s always the possibility that I might just sleep for most of the weekend! 🤩🤣🥳

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Oooooh the 4.45am alarm was rough. To be honest it’s the thought of getting up and going back to normal which is way worse than actually doing it.

So I was up straight away as I had a weigh in and 5.45am…. And it was super cold and frosty. Thankfully Abbie had her windscreen wrap on. Even taking it off and getting in the van meant I had to sit for a few minutes to demist.

So weigh in news was all good…. I have maintained my weight through Christmas with no gain. Now while some would look for a loss, she who eats anything she can get her hands on…. Is actually pretty impressed with a maintain. I usually put on about half a stone or more over Christmas.

Th Farm was great this morning. Hard work out in the bitter cold but soon we were all whisking our hats and jackets off!

It was beautiful when I left.

It’s so lovely to see almost daylight leaving the Farm and heading to work. It’s a sign that the nights are getting shorter.

Abbie was looking spooky in the morning light.

It’s so still and calm and very, very cold.

So work was good today. Passed in a flash!

I’d looked at my work phone at 5am and spent the next few hours worrying about things I had or hadn’t done. My head chattered away until I actually got in and for on with it.

I had nothing to worry about. Anything that caused me concern was dealt with early on.

I was home at 4.30pm and it was still almost light then too.

My dinner was rotten…. Craig’s working tonight so will be so thankful he missed it….. cod fillet and cauliflower…. With a bit of cheese sprinkled over it. No photos as it was all white. 🤣🤣🤣 and bland… very bland. 🤣

Even Bhru is sticking her tongue out at it. 🤣🤣

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Ooooh back to the Fit Body Farm and work tomorrow. No big deal as we’ve had a really great chill out break but it’s the first time I’ve said “back to work…” after Christmas since 2019. Thankfully it doesn’t feel anywhere near as bad as it did in 2019 or many of the years before. Not gonna lie, I’m still not over the moon with the idea…. But it will be good to get some routine going.

I’ve just noticed our window is still looking Christmassy as the village hall still has its outdoor lights on.

These last few days have been lovely in the village as the road has been really quiet. Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 has an extra holiday at New Year which always feels really lovely. We miss out on one of the English bank holidays later in the year which always feels not so lovely 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣.

Just realised our back window looks way more festive as the coloured lights need unplugged. We always have the bright bulbs up throughout the year but you appreciate them way more on the winter.

So… nothing that exciting today. A tidy, a food shopping and a defrosting of Abbie the Campervan so I could get the windscreen shield on so I don’t have to sit with the engine running for half an hour at 5.30am and wake up all of the neighbours.

I’ve had another 2 hour nap this afternoon. I was tired and getting a bit nippy. 🤣 I got the electric blanket on and got into bed. Sooooo good but it was 5.36pm by the time I woke up. Maybe it was a 3 hour nap?!?! 😴💤😴💤

So I have honestly had the best Christmas break. We’ve not done a lot and I’ve felt the blog had sometimes been difficult as a result. It doesn’t make for riveting reading when nothing much has happened. To be fair though that also means my mood has been under control.

It’s the most Christmassy I can remember feeling for a very long time. We had some lovely quality time with family at Christmas and then with friends at New Year. I also haven’t eaten any where near the amount of junk I would usually have. My calorie intake and nutrition portions have been fairly in control all the way through. There haven’t been a lot of veggies this last week but hey… any improvement is an improvement.

Most of all… we have rested. It’s been a great recuperation ready to get back to it.

Check the potato I’ve just found… a heat or a tick….. either way. A positive potato! ♥️✅

Stay safe everyone ♥️✅♥️

Wide awake at 4am this morning… thankfully managed to fall back asleep again. My knee’s been sore again so it woke me.

It was about 8.30 but the time I got moving and I decided to take Calaidh out for a run…. Yes an actual run. Check me.

It was pouring and I got totally soaked!

Calaidh went from trailing behind me wondering what on earth was going on… to trotting at a fast paced walk by my side while I was blowin’….. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣 she made it look easy. My new running hat was more of a swimming cap this morning!

It was hard but I really enjoyed it too.

We headed into Glasgow to the Tiso Outsoor Experience store as I’ve been looking for new hiking boots and new trainers for the Fit Body Farm. Obviously the hiking boots are not for the Farm. 🥾🥾🤣

It was really nice to be out and about for a change. We used to go here years ago and obviously haven’t been for ages.

So I finally got a pair of Meindl Bhutan’s that I’ve had my eye on for ages. I used my Christmas bonus from work. Our neighbour Keith recommended I get these a long time ago and yet always went for a cheaper option.

When you try boots on in Tiso they get you to walk around on their rugged path and up over their stone bridge to test them out.

They were properly fitted and the girl gave me small heel insoles to allow them to fit more snuggly at the heel. Very impressive.

Tiso is such a cool shop!

We went upstairs and had lunch in the Summit Café. I chose a healthy roast squash and pepper salad and pea and mint soup! It was soooooo good!!

I had a coconut milk, decaf latte too….. I may have over ordered but it was so good.

Tiso no longer have a Run 4 It franchise so we went into Bothwell Street in Glasgow. Been so long since we’ve been in a Glasgow.! It was really quiet as most of the businesses are shut.

Run 4 It ask what you are planning to use the shoes for and then get you on a treadmill and record your run.

My right leg is rolling at the ankle when I walk or run so the trainers need some extra structure to help compensate for that.

The first pair stop the rolling at the ankle completely but give me shooting pains up my left shin…. So they’re no good.

The second pair are better but still sore on my left shin. I think by the time we get to the 4th pair we have finally got it. I needed support but not as much as the first few pairs gave me.

New Hoka trainers. I hope this will help my knee. Hopefully give me some more support. I bought these with my FBF 6 week challenge winnings as that seemed like a good use of that prize!

So yeah a good shopping day for me!

We got back home after 2pm having totally forgotten to have gone for the food shopping. That will have to wait until tomorrow 🤣🤣 there’s plenty more cheese and biscuits to be scoffed.

Only one more day of holiday left…… 😱😱😱

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It’s 8.21pm already…. Today has flown by!

We were up at 8am but had a great sleep, was out for the count all night. Amazing.

Decided this morning that we’d get the Christmas tree and decorations all boxed away for another year.

So naturally we had to clean everything that came in contact with the tree on the way out. The needles were everywhere! Probably be finding them for months. The house looks so bare without it.

Then there was a muddy van to clear out. We had all the fun today! It’s all cleaned and smelling lovely…. And most of our stuff is washed. I love cleaning the van to be honest and getting it all ready for going away again. Funny how the minute we are back I want to go away again.

While I was doing that Craig went to move his car only to find out the battery was dead.

We then took it for a good long drive down to Irvine and back just to boost the battery back up again but will have to get it booked into the garage as it must need a new battery.

So that was our morning and early afternoon.

I honestly don’t know where the rest of the day went?! Well I do but it was fast….

We did a quick food shop for our lovely neighbours who are in Covid isolation and then I took the dogs out. Didn’t take my phone as it was charging and it was just as well as it was such a miserable looking day. We all wanted it to be over fast.

I managed to sit down for a bit in front of the fire with Freya cuddles. I’m back watching the Crown again. Craig was having a drink in the pub and then I went in after 5.

Now it’s 9pm. Time flies when you’re cleaning.

It’s been a funny day. The street has been so quiet as no one really had anywhere to go. Not only is it the 2nd January but a Sunday too. It’s been nice to have zero plans and get things done.

A doing day!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

What a lovely night we had in our field in Blairgowrie! It was so mild which was great and didn’t rain until just after 2am.

There were 6 of us for the bells…. Dave and Angela and Aaron and Charley.

These guys are all members of a group called Overland Bound and we’ve met them all in the last few years.

We had lots of lovely cheesey snacks in time for the bells…. Melted Camembert on an campfire… is the way forward. Angela brought the best homemade soup and sausage rolls… and Christmas cake as well. Her Christmas cake was soooo good!

We’d also had fillet steak with Parma ham wrapped asparagus for dinner. A feast of champions!

I finally gave in just after 2 and went to join the dogs in bed!

We had a lovely lie in this morning as the dogs were exhausted. They had loads of fun playing with Dave and Angela’s grandson. He was the best pup sitter ever.

The weather has been so good… the sun came out. It was a really windy morning. I got up at 7 to wind the awning back in as the wind kept catching it. But we had some lovely sunshine.

Stew and Eva joined us this morning too. They only live 40 minutes away but couldn’t make it last night. Group photo before they left.

We took the dogs out for a walk.

So we decided that we would head home tonight. The thought of a shower, fresh clothes and steak pie beckoned. Not gonna lie… being home and not having to watch the dogs 24/7 is also a bonus.

Check the mess I made trying to get out of the pitch… coulda been worse I guess. The boys had to push me!

We have a lovely time with people who have now become good friends and it was great to be able to meet up this year.

The drive home was wild!!! It was so wet and windy…. Just had to take it slowly.

I’ve now had my shower but am still rocking Eau de Campfire…. 🔥

Here’s to a happy 2022 for us all!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Well here we are again. Another year done. Can anyone else believe we are headed into 2022?!?!

I remember freaking out about Hogmanay 2000 and thinking all computers would shut down and planes would drop from the sky…. That’s 22 years ago?!? No way…..

It was not the best nights sleep in the world… if I’m honest. First of all…. Too hot. 🥵 go figure. Secondly, maybe the van at a bit of an angle so felt like I was rolling sideways. Thirdly, 5 of us in a van….. kinda says it all!!

Lovely breakfast and then dog walk. The campsite has a one way, mile round walk, so you don’t bump into other dogs… they think of everything.

I took Freya a bit further… trying to get steps up as I’m gutted we had to miss FBF this morning. Should say here that I’m struggling to walk from Wednesdays class…. 😆

So….. I’m writing this at 12.30pm as so that I can relax and enjoy the rest of the day. We have friends arriving this afternoon and I will of course, need a nap. Haven’t had one in like two whole days?!?!?! How will I cope back at work??

First things first…..

It’s still not always easy but it’s 100% the best thing I have ever done. Taken back control of my life.

139 days without anti-depressants. This still blows my mind. I never thought I would see this day. I have to sit with that thought for a while as that’s still huge. After 25-30 years of daily medication and the last 15 years or so with a whole lotta booze I’m now facing everything head on.

This next one will be controversial but hey….

Without all of that there was nowhere to hide, nowhere to get away from it all…. Except maybe through food. Now I’ve taken the next step to try to control that too.

I have changed so much in 2021. At the start of the year I was reluctantly making dog behavioural calls. Plucking up the courage to call each enquiry I was given. Some days were hard… other days it came naturally.

These days most things come naturally to me. I am so grateful for that. ♥️♥️♥️

I’m now gainfully employed again as Tartan Campers gave me a great opportunity and still offered it when I told them I was worried I wouldn’t get an afternoon sleep…. (I mean they really should have run a mile!) I have the Fit Body Farm 3 times a week and was so proud to win transformation of the year.

I still have my moments when anxiety blows up in my face (yesterday…..) but I know why, I understand my triggers. I try to plan around them and the lovely Shelagh helps me manage it all through health kinesiology.

I have a wonderful network of friends and family who support me and look out for me. They always say the right things at the right time. 💜

Craig has stood by me through all of this and we’ve grown together learning as we go. We can laugh at some of it now. (Not so much yesterday…🤷🏻‍♀️🤣)

And…. I have 641 days of The Rambling Sloth under my belt. I truly the believe the blog has helped me understand all of this. Make some sense of the over reactions, help me understand the triggers.

Thanks to everyone who reads, comments, sends or tags me in content.

It means the world to me. ♥️💜

Happy 2022 to you all. ♥️

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Well, you may not be surprised to know that anxiety reared it’s ugly head this morning.

The plus side of that is that I identified a HUGE trigger…. Being completely out of control with what’s happening in my day.

So….. I will try to keep this brief but I may fail. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 my head loves a good drama you know…..

We were “meant” to be going away for a Hogmanay/New Years Day meet with the Overland Bound guys.

There were 10 vehicles attending when it was first mentioned and we booked GG & Belles campsite in Blairgowrie.

(This is the campsite with the fences around the pitch for the dogs to be off lead).

Sadly over the last week one by one people have dropped out for various reasons, COVID included. Yesterday when we were finally down to 2 or maybe 3 vehicles we decided to cancel it. The campsite were only opening up for us because we had asked and they were making some money off season. They were also selling us bags of wood that they were preparing.

So from yesterday lunchtime it was off…..

I cancelled my Thursday 7am at FBF and booked for Friday at 6am. I put my lists away, didn’t go food shopping, didn’t pack, nothing.

I woke up at 7am and lay in until 9. I was planning to go buy some new running trainers with my winnings from the FBF Transformation award… then lunch in Tiso’s in Glasgow. Lovely wee day.

Then the words…. “I was thinking we should just go…” we’re uttered….. and I think my head emptied, anxiety took over and had a rampage….. pretty much up until the minute we drove off…. At 1.20pm!!!!

So you can imagine my morning. I just couldn’t shake out of it at all. I was humphing and sighing and complaining and panicking and not thinking straight AT ALL. Generally causing havoc and making everything take so much longer than it should have. It’s almost as if I relish being in that moment again proving to myself that there’s something simple that I still can’t handle.

As soon as I sit in the van to drive off I am completely calm.

My trusty co pilot got this stunning pic of the River Tay while I drove.

Then we turn left and pass this…

It’s not as dramatic in winter but still very impressive when you drive under it.

In just over 2 hours we’re here!

We got set up really quickly and I got dinner on as Craig got the fire going.

Calaidh posed as I cooked!

Then her and Bhru feel asleep!

So we’re here now. My anxiety a distant memory. There’s barely a sound apart from the wood sizzling in the fire. I’m drinking a Clean Co Cuba Libre which is an alcoholic free rum. It’s really lovely though the Coke has caffeine so I could be partying into the night. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣

Enjoy your warm cosy bed tonight. We’ll be looking at the stars every time we need a wee. 😂😆😂😆

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow, we were like machines this morning AND I’d like point out that I did not have a nap today…. Check me.

We were back at the FBF at 6am and that was a baptism of fire! I’ve been having wee lazy lie ins since Christmas Day. the 5am alarm was not that welcome!

I found it really hard this morning but still. We did it!

Back home and out with the dogs while it was still dark. We had hi via vests and head torches…. It started to rain then and it never stopped until about 4pm!

So back home in the shower at 9am and it’s still pitch black outside. It was sooooo dark today. And the rain poured down!

We had Craig’s business parter, Lorna, in for a meeting today. It was so good to catch up as I’ve not seen much of her since I stopped working with Pawsitive Solutions. She brought us a lovely Hyacinth plant which are may favourite! Can’t wait to watch it grow!

We had a cuppa and I let them get on while I hung washing up and put washing away and other housey stuff.

When she left we had lunch and headed into the pub next door and ended up there till 6.30! We got chatting to a lovely couple sitting next to us. Really good chat and banter. It’s nice to connect with people like that. Time flew by and I never thought about having a sleep!

Course I’m tired now though. I don’t know where today has gone!

So a wee quickie today! (Stop it!)

Time flies when you’re having fun!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️