It’s another BEAUTIFUL day! I have so many photos to share I may finally blow up the blog.

I did do some work this morning. Made calls etc…. Sat outside for some of it. Shorts on again. It was nippy first thing but despite the forecast it was a better day than yesterday. I’d expected dark clouds today but not one.

We went to Portencross this afternoon.

I have a million more photos but I hope this is the best selection. Honestly we have had a breathtaking afternoon. It was so calm, sunny and beautiful. There is nothing on earth like it…. for me anyway. I could have stayed there for sunset too!

I made toasties in my new Ridgemonkey Sandwich Toaster and we had coffee.

Honestly just the best day.

I hope you all had a great day too and have a lovely Friday night and weekend.

The dogs have crashed out and so will we!

Stay safe everyone ☀️🌊☀️

What another beautiful day!! Himself was up and away out the door to the gym by 6.30am and I did the whole…. should get up, could walk the dogs, could do this that and the next, could lie here….

Stayed in bed until just after 8am, wide awake, resting and thinking of everything I could of or should have done….

Then, out of nowhere I took the housework by storm….. after coffee of course. I was already on a roll by the time Craig came home but he took the dogs out and I got all the hoovering done, cleaned the bathrooms, got the sheets into a wash and hung them out. A very productive start to the day. Not at all what I had planned but hey… I do my best housework when I sneak up on it!

Just remembered this pic!

Holly had messaged about a walk while was wummin possessed with housework…. now heading up the hill with Calaidh and Leo.

It is lovely today. I had another salad for lunch and sat out in the garden.

This is sooooo funny but so very true of Central Scotland. As soon as the sun shines there will be a guy walking through the streets with his T-shirt or shirt in his hand or tucked in his waste-band…. it doesn’t even have to be that sunny. You will be pleased to know I kept my vest top on 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆🤣

Had the loveliest day in the sun and have to admit to having a teensy bit of sunburn today. I truly love the outdoors… it’s 6.30pm and I’m still out.

Was home by 6.45pm…. into the shower, washed hair, dried hair and was ready for my 7pm zoom call with the Finding Calm within the Storm group run by Shelagh the Health Kinesiologist. We learnt how to muscle test tonight. Lovely to spend time chatting to likeminded ladies!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️🌅

Yesterday’s big announcement from Nicola Sturgeon as follows!!!!!!!

The 26th April is the key date. Travel across Scotland is relaxed so I can meet mum and dad finally!!!!! It still seems so long away but at least there is an end in sight.

So I had a puppy call at 9am this morning, nice and early. Would much rather that than wait until evening. All went well.

After the puppy call I had about another hour and a half of calls to make. Spoke to some lovely people having lots of problem with their dogs.

Then…… this appears……. 😋

I asked if he was going for the best husband ever award…. he said “No, I’ve got that already, I’m just trying to maintain it”…… 😆😆😆

Of course I brought it outside as 11C in the shade means us Scots are outside wherever possible remember.it was soooo tasty!

This is vest top weather. Beautiful. I am so grateful for the warmth of the sun. The smell of it on my skin.

Less grateful to the roofer a few doors down… Bhruic has made it her life mission to bound around the garden and bark with over exuberant energy every time he uses the blow torch. Cue the Glasgow fish wife (me…. screaming at her) trying to get her to shut up instead of employing my calm and collected dog behavioural training. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ I am my own worst enemy.

Despite a fairly upbeat work ethic today…. I am now tired. I’m sitting outside in the sun, in recommended vest top just breathing in the sunshine rays and it feels good. The warmth is lovely. (Sunbathing is my only vice…. I know the negatives… I just love it a bit too much!)

I sat about in the sun until about 3.30pm and Leo came in from next door for a visit!

Craig had been washing the Jeep and always uses the last of the water to cool the pups off. This is Bhruic drying herself off!!

I finally decided to take Freya for a walk as I was tired but a wee bit bored and didn’t want to do anything else.

Everything is starting to come through now. Spring is really springing in Scotland finally…. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🌸🌺🌻🌼

A good day. I’ve spent the whole day wanting to head to the coast for sunset in the van. Been talking about it since lunchtime but in all honesty I am tired. (Yes, again…..)

There’s always tomorrow.

Right now I have my feet up and I’m contemplating a wee 40 winks before dinner. Prawn noodle stir fry tonight. Check me.

I would like to think that I share my woundedness on a daily basis so that others may realise they are not alone. This is a very tough time for us all and we need to remember how had it has been. Our way of life has changed.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Another great sleep but when I opened one eye this morning I do that assessment of how I think I might be feeling….. hmmmm sadly not great but also not as bad as yesterday morning so that’s a real bonus. There are no tears. Thank you!!

So… up, head screwed on facing forwards and first coffee of the day.

It’s only 11C but it feels warm enough to sit out. One thing any of my international followers may not be aware of… if the sun shines in Scotland, we down tools and head outside. Now obviously this is not always possible but if it is… we do it. Everything changes for the weather. Maybe I’m only talking for our household, my parents, my in laws, my friends… you get the picture…. we head outside.

So I have poo picked, swept the artificial grass (yup…..) hung out 2 washings. We very rarely give ourselves the luxury of sitting still in the sunshine as there are things to be done. Sitting out tends to come when we have a consistent run on good weather. In mid March this cannot be guaranteed!!!

Forgot to say yesterday we had a Happy Birthday goody bag at the door for Calaidh, Bhruic and Freya!! It was doggy birthday cake from Muck, our friends Golden Retriever.

They loved it! I have so many photos of licking tongues….

So I’m now up at my desk making dog behaviour enquiry calls. Window wide open, sun streaming in…… if alcohol free Carlsberg did offices……. 🥰

Booked another puppy call for tomorrow!!

I received an emergency text from one of the lovely Gateside Crochet Hookers who I haven’t seen in like forever……

I mean who could ignore such an urgent plea for help! So the afternoon was spent drinking coffee and talking through how to do a granny square with Anne. Lovely to catch up after all this time.

Is there a limit to the number of coffees you should have in a day? Thinking when you suffer from anxiety that 6 might be a bit much?!?!?? #shakes

Back home in time for dinner and (drum roll please!!!!!!!) I made Chickpea curry and ate it in under 45 minutes. (who actually am I?!?) I forgot to take a photo of it as I genuinely wolfed it down. Only one thing missing (and don’t shout MEAT….) flavour…. yip. Maybe made it with too much haste and skipped an ingredient. It smells lovely but tastes bland.

Now out for a walk with Claire . It’s been a beautiful day. It’s cooler now but a real sign of brighter days to come.

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

I knew this morning it would be one of these days. I didn’t want to open my eyes… couldn’t open my eyes. A real deep seated exhaustion type of sleep the feels very lovely when you’re in it but very hard to wake up from.

Then along come the tears. Streaming for no real reason. I guess an anger at my lethargy and tears helps fuel it. Why can’t I pull myself together, why can’t I just be normal.

Then some clarity. Lockdown is bloody hard. I’ve hardly seen anyone in a year. There are no hugs and kisses… life is a strange distanced dance that we now do round about anyone we meet.

I need to listen to my body telling me it needs to rest… instead of being angry and upset at it. It takes me until about 11.30 to realise this though.

I have a headache and stomach cramp so today was always going to be a yucky kind of day.

It’s a lovely morning and my lovely neighbour is off today so messaged suggesting a cuppa or a walk. So we set off out with Bhruic and Freya.

I know I’m getting nothing done today and I have to accept it. I have some breakfast, message the few enquiries from over the weekend and advise them I’ll call tomorrow as I know a day of rest will clear my head.

Claire took Calaidh out for a walk later on as she was going anyway. So lovely of her. I haven’t slept yet but I have rested, no phone, no book, no crochet, just eyes shut resting.

Stay safe everyone 😴😴😴

Happy Mother’s Day Mum!! Gutted we can’t see you this year.

Really miss Gran and Nana. Lovely to see some photos of them this morning. ♥️♥️♥️

I could not wake up today. I got up at 8 then went back to bed until 10. I felt super antsy so did a Suzanne Robichaud Meditation for Empaths. It made me relax enough to fall back to sleep.

Meditation for Empaths

I just love the sound of Suzanne’s voice. She practices in North Vancouver. My friend from primary one who lives there recommended her!

So back up at 10, showered and then over to help with the local pub’s Mother’s Day cream tea prep!!

We got everything ready and packed into bags for either delivery or collection.

Here it is all set up in Claire’s garden! She really kindly invited me to share hers since I couldn’t see my mum today.

She had such a beautiful set up. Had lots of cake and Nosecco, what’s not to love. We sat outside until just before 5pm!

She had the gazebo set up, a wee hot water bottle, hand warmer and blanket so while it rained for a bit it was warm enough being outside. At the end of the afternoon she picked up leftovers to take them into the house and the sun came out…… typical Scottish weather. The forecast has been so much worse than it ended up being! We were so lucky!

I got home after 5 and had a FaceTime with Mum. I’d wanted to catch up earlier but time totally disappeared. I’d got really upset earlier on that I’d missed her. She opened her present and we had a quick chat.

Then….. I did it all again!!! Cream tea and Nosecco with Craig this time. Wow!!

So this little pupper turned 4 today.

This was the photo that led to us getting a third dog…. little Runtie pup.

She was super tiny and hardly had any ears!

Hope all you lovely mothers out there had a lovely day. Thinking of those of you who don’t have your mums any more. I feel awful that I didn’t dedicate much time to mum today but will get a good phone catch up this week.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Who’d a thunk it, as my Gran would say?!?!

On the 2nd January 2019 when I decided to try Dry January I had no idea and actually would have scoffed, at the idea of giving up for good. Not me, never in a million years.

I was sooooo sick of it. That period after Christmas and New Year when you’ve eaten so much and drank so many different tipples that you stand at the bar (we live next door to a pub…) and can’t even decide what to drink. You WILL drink alcohol as not to drink it is just…. well…. a bit weird…. but the thought of it gives you the boak.

Desperately searching for something a bit different to still give you the kick but not taste the same as all the stuff you drank over the last few weeks.

I didn’t have a healthy relationship with alcohol. You would never have known… I don’t think I drank any more or any less than anyone else. Not remembering the night before is something to be praised, high fived, check you, you were fun. What they didn’t know was that I was actually blacking out. If I drank too fast, keeping up with rounds or on an empty stomach I seemed to absorb it faster than anyone else. Again you wouldn’t have known…. but I had ZERO recollection of so many nights. Not even a hint. I could hear the story of the night and not remember ANY of it after a certain point.

I think my life revolved around it. I got in the car after leaving work and couldn’t wait for that glass in my hand. I wanted to make sure I had my fair share of a bottle and didn’t want to lose out…. heaven forbid someone would get more out of a bottle than I would.

I turned nasty the minute I got in the door and would call Craig everything under the sun. I’d wake up the morning with the shame and fear wash over…. what had I said, what had I done, where had I fallen asleep?! Dogs room floor ✅ hall way on the cold stone floor ✅ pub ✅ to name but a few.

I was actually hiding how desperately unhappy I had become. I was a square peg fitting into that round hole. I was forever to be a person I didn’t want to be at work, I lived to work, weekends were for drinking to drown out how much I hated it then back into that weekly cycle. Holidays were about that first drink… ahhhhh that’s better. Now you can relax.

Through Dry Jan 2019 I connected with a few people and shared stories and seemed we were on the same path. One guy, Darren Mitchell had decided to set up a FB group called After Dry January as he didn’t know what to do after January…… it went from there. After a short time he asked me to be admin of the group along with him and these guys have become the structure of my sober life. They were there every step of the way. Even through my mental health journey, long before I started the blog, they were there with support.

Craig has been amazing too. Like me, he expected me to take a short break and life would “get back to normal”. It just didn’t happen. We have settled into an easy way of life. I moan if I have to buy it for him but it doesn’t bother me.

I have had to face this anxiety and depression without that crutch. there is no hiding from it, not getting away from the pain. It’s right there in your face. Guess you see why I put on 4 stone now?!? 🍫🍫🍫

I did drink twice in the last 802 days. Once the day the pubs shut for lockdown 1.0 and again when the pubs opened at the end of it. I drank what had been my favourite Rosè wine in the pub. I hated the taste, hated the way it made me feel and yet knew I would keep going. Both times about 4 glasses. I wanted to “fit in”, wanted to be “normal”.

Those 2 instances showed me that nothing had changed and it’s just not for me. I can’t moderate. I chose to control my life rather than give the control to the drink.

It’s been hard, I’ve been questioned about it so many times, people scoff, people laugh but most folk now accept it.

Alcohol free options are also getting better and better.

So now that I’ve lost half my readers…… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣 I just wanted to say that it’s such a huge part of my journey that I can’t not mention it. It’s an awkward subject, a bit taboo…. must have been issues…. it didn’t suit me, I wish it did but it didn’t so here I am counting teacups on Try Dry!!!

Oh wow… so….another weekend. Nothing to do except stay at home.

I had a puppy zoom call with a client this morning that went really well. Was finished for 12. Craig was down clearing the shed so I went to have a look at that and have been in front of the computer ever since. Oh must show you last nights Gateside Inn Cajun chicken burger….

We have to cook our own dinner tonight. Boo…. Not sure what I’ll do with the rest of today. I’m thinking movie….. crochet or read?!?! Or nap……. yeah yeah yeah… Decisions of lockdown.

Head wise I’m not the best today. a little lack of confidence. A little antsy. A little tired. But that’s ok.

Stay safe everyone ☕️☕️☕️

It has literally been windy and pouring or blue sky today which is weather very typical of Scottish April. Yep… no matter how lockdown seems it’s still only March. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😳😬😆

I woke at 4am to torrential rain and couldn’t get back to sleep. My mind was racing just about “stuff”…. I must have fallen back to sleep as woke again just after 8am. Claire was on holiday today so we’d agreed to look for a dry slot for a walk in the day…. she messaged at 8.15 and said it was dry so I asked if she wanted to go now?!? She said she’d be 5 minutes. I told her I may have needed 6 😬😆 was still in bed and had the dogs to get ready too!

The heavens opened not far from the house and it was a biting cold wind. I had a very cold face 🥶

Freya was with us but never seemed to make it into any photos.

It rained a lot after our walk though too, it’s just been really dark and then bright sunlight all day.

I had the wee one for home schooling for an hour and watched her draw the most amazing pic of her super mum!!

I then kind of faffed about until 2pm. Shelagh from Kinesiology asked me to do record a video about my journey with her alternative therapy. How did I feel before I started seeing her and what had been the change in my life since?

I got myself all worked up and overthought every bit of it and was really nervous. Of course the minute I speak to Shelagh I relax and it all flowed fine. I’ll share a link to it when I get it.

We have Gateside Inn takeaway tonight as it’s Friday. It’s 3.30pm and I’m already on the couch. It’s a coorie in kind of day…

Keep warm everyone, spring is just around the corner… honest.

Stay safe everyone 🌺🌸🌻

I am quite chuffed with the name of today’s blog…. because I have taken a fair few photos of reflections in puddles today and also I’m reflecting on the puddles of tears I was in yesterday. I think if I have to explain it it maybe loses some of its coolness but hey…. didn’t want you to miss that connection. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😬😆

I went to bed in tears last night and woke up in tears this morning.

A FB memory of mum and I on Mother’s Day 2018 set me off. We were side by side, touching…. all those things we took for granted. This year I can’t see her let alone hug her. That makes me sad.

This was back in my drinking days where that was real Prosecco too. Back in the days where I couldn’t get enough and would have wanted more when I got home. These days it’s Nosecco all the way!

We were up early today and Craig made garlic mushrooms on toast with coffee for breakie. Was lovely but be very glad you can’t be near me today. I can still taste it.

I took Freya and Calaidh out for a walk and we were so lucky to get a walk in between showers. Not only did March not come in like a lion…. it’s now giving us April showers?!?

Freya is constantly looking for something to pick up in her mouth to run about with and I was just lucky that I clicked just before she bent down to get the stick!! It really took my bad mood away. 😆😆😆

I had wee Rachel for homeschooling today and she had to wear her old clothes to come here as Freya is moulting so badly.

When she left to go into actual school, I ran down to the Post Office in the van not actual running….. obviously…. 😆

I’ve spent the afternoon doing the Pawsitive Solutions actions I took on our call yesterday. I’ve now got my Pawsitive Solutions email set up. Finalised my bio for the web page and reviewed the Pawsitive Puppies packages that I want to offer. I also reviewed the questions that we ask on our FB community page.

An afternoon well spent.

It’s 5.30pm already and I feel the day went quite quickly for a change.

I’ve got a FaceTime call with Claire later as Craig will be watching Rangers play Slavia Prague tonight. I get to watch the first hour of it….. yay…… love football….. actually I don’t mind it in lockdown to be honest.

The relief to be out of the downward spiral of yesterday is immense. I felt a lack of control in so many ways. I felt like I’d just announced how good I felt then wham, right back down again. Tears, puddles of tears…..

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow yeah my mind just slapped me in the face this morning. Obviously I was just too cool with the new zen like and chilled out me.

I’m on the major defensive, overreaction and tears at nothing…. just when I thought everything was getting on track… whine, whine, whine (that’s my head by the way…..) Everything is triggering me.

I’ve done some Kinesiology balancing to being my wazoo mood back down to ground level.

Now this is way too dramatic, I am not close to drowning today… far from it but the picture made me smile. It does sometimes feel that jo matter how hard I try something tries to pull me back under…. but that dear friends, is all me… all in my own mind. Just chill the f*** out 😬

I did some work on Craig’s spreadsheet this morning… nothing like a good spreadsheet to calm the mind… also made some calls, had a Zoom chat with Lorna and had a puppy zoom with a client at 12.30.

All went well!

I had mushroom bolognese for lunch… there’s been a mushroom thing going on these last few days 🍄 😆🍄

I decided the best way to try to turn the afternoon around was to do a Suzanne Robichaud guided Meditation.

Clearing Negative/Trauma Energy from the Body

I remember getting as far as a countdown from 10 down to 1….. I do remember getting to 1….. I remember hearing Suzanne stop talking and then it was half an hour later. another lovely nap. A healing nap.

So I’m back downstairs, it’s only 5pm but we’re gonna watch a movie. I’m going draw a line under today and start again in the morning.

Stay safe everyone 🍄🍄🍄

Another great sleep though dreamt Claire and I were in a steep mountainside village where cars kept sliding all the way back down the hill on the ice covered roads and hitting other cars. Eh hullo?!? Where did that come from.

So last night I stayed up late to watch the Meghan and Prince Harry interview with Oprah Winfrey. Now regardless of that you think of it….. we all need to think before we speak.

Meghan does not follow social media and god love her as I think she’s right to do that. For some reason she can’t do right for people thinking she’s doing wrong. So I choose to take the interview last night at face value. She did not want to live anymore. She felt so bad she thought the world would be better off without her.

I took the following photos as I wanted a reminder of how I felt inside vs how the photo looked back in summer 2019.

I sat here for over an hour until Craig came to check up on me. We were away for the weekend with the loveliest group of people from Overland Bound and made some very good friends that weekend.

I was barely holding it together and as I sat next to the fast flowing river, I wondered if it would do the job. Would it take me away from the pain. Would it hurt? Would it look like an accident so everyone would be able to make sense of it? Surely everyone would be better off without me. I felt like such a burden. I was so depressed yet so anxious. Despite having such wonderful support I kept thinking I had nowhere to turn. I couldn’t be that burden any longer. Yet I was scared…. too scared. Thank god.

Yet look at that smile and see what you see. A lovely picture of us.

I cannot tell you how very hard that time was. Those very dark thoughts came and went until December 2019 when a doctor finally changed my meds. ♥️

This is the reason I write this blog and will keep shouting about mental health. On the outside I had it all but on the inside I was broken.

So…. taking a deep breath and moving on to much better times. In my head that is. The Covid times suck. I miss my mum and dad, family and friends. However, I would love, love, love to be back in the Galloway Forest with Overland Bound. That would be the icing on the cake right now.

Back to this morning…..up, shower, hair wash and coffee AND a spreadsheet…. all beige Kinesiology at 10am.

I’m making a spreadsheet of all the clients Craig needs to see and where they are in their “journey” with Pawsitive Solutions…. which is an awfy fancy way of saying how many people need 1 visits, 2 visits, 3 visits etc…. trying to get an idea of the amount of work he needs to do for people who have already paid. As you know I love a good spreadsheet….. 🧐

So online Kinesiology with Shelagh Cumming at 10am was amazing…. as usual.

Enhanced Wellbeing

I felt very calm and relaxed at the start….. huge change from the whirling Tasmanian devil that usually approaches a session….. AND I WAS PERFECTLY IN BALANCE BEFORE WE EVEN STARTED. Check me!!!!!

Shelagh reads the blog so started by saying she is aware that I seem to have shifted recently and I fully agree. I am so grateful for everything right now. Craig and I are laughing at things we used to argue about. I am calmer, more in control and way more understanding of my emotions.

We start with thinking of a focus to work on, something that is giving me stress. I can’t really think of anything right now other than my reaction to my current weight situation…. I have always felt fat. In ANY photo taken of me over the years I can tell you how fat I felt at the time. Unless I’d been on a strict diet prior to any event. I was only happy when I was in control of my weight.

Today we worked on my acceptance of the current situation….I have felt so bad about my body image for a long, long time….. but I am not fat, it’s ok to eat what I eat right now as long as I’m eating and it is what it is. If I don’t do steps every day that’s ok. I need to tolerate my perceived laziness with lack of planning and that “should always do better”. When I take the stress out of it a lot of that will come naturally.

Homework is to write a meal plan for this week. Using food we have but instead of that last minute scramble in the kitchen and feeling bad about what I choose. Decide in advance and just eat what’s there.

I really enjoyed the session today but came off the zoom feeling really tired. Again… as usual.

We drove up to some car showrooms after Kinesiology so Craig can get a look at what he might fancy next. They are not open but that didn’t stop us having a wander around. It only took about half and hour and yet we both hoped it would be a wee day out! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Back home via Morrisons and I had a lovely lunch. Mushroom Stoganoff. I knew there was a nap brewing….

Settled down at 2pm and woke to the doorbell at 3.30pm. I would have slept longer but the guy was here to install the Hive heating thermostat. Soon we will be back to a normal life temperature, no longer living in Club Tropicana!!! He also fixed two light fittings that had broken… the dogs room now has light…….. he made it look so easy I wonder why we’ve lived without that light for so long. 😆😆😆

Thank you for following my ramblings. It means so much to me. I’m truly grateful for all the support throughout my journey and here’s to the next phase where I don’t use the word FAT in every second sentence. 😆

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Wow…. this time last year we could do anything we wanted to do. Go anywhere, see anyone, hug and kiss anyone. Our options were endless. Yet we were driven by status and possessions, being seen to have all the latest “stuff”.

We used to greet family and friends with a hug and a kiss…. now we don’t even see them. What a difference a year makes.

I was thinking about this on my dog walk this morning…. now first of all we cannot ignore the devastating facts.

2.59 million people in the world have died from COVID-19 so far. 11.7million cases have been reported.

Scotland have seen 205,000 cars with 7,421 deaths. I remember last year when our deaths sat at 2,482 for a good wee while as we came out of lockdown 1.0. A group of people tidied up rubbish left by people in a park in Edinburgh and set the 2482 number out in bin bags… now here we are at 7,421.

You have to zoom in on this graphic and it’s a bit blurry but the COVID-19 ball at the bottom is now way bigger than the recent pandemics yet still goes a long way before it competes with HIV/AIDS.

Again zoom in (still blurry) but COVID-19 is almost half way up the list on death toll too.

I had no concept that something like this could affect us in life. Yet as we stand today I am still very lucky to have not caught it myself. Also for those I know, who have caught it, to have been unwell at the time but seem to have recovered fairly quickly.

There is no doubt about it that life as we knew it will change. Gone will be the random handshakes, the polite hugs with people that you didn’t really know but are introduced to. It is now fully acceptable just to smile, nod and say hi. I am sad about that.

Despite these statistics in some ways our generation will be the envy of many to come. They will talk about the years that people were forced to stop working and stay at home. All of those who are furloughed or unable to work would have killed for x amount of months off work until it became a reality. How do you fill your time when you have all the time in the world?

Then there are those key workers who have had to work harder so the rest of us could survive. They must be exhausted by now.

Most people I speak to are fed up with the monotony of it all but also nervous of everything starting back up again. We’re becoming so used to this disconnected lifestyle as the days tick by.

Strange, strange times.

I’ve said it before, I am going to try and make the most of the days we have left in lockdown before the country re-opens and we get back to the new normal.

Early morning dog walk with Bhruic and Freya today.

Another very productive day. Dog behaviour calls made ✅ all tasks on my task list done ✅ crocheting ✅ blog ✅ sold the air fryer that was up for sale ✅ and it’s only 2.20pm.

I’m going to use the rest of the day to relax. These have been good days. We’ve got lots done. Now for some more ME time.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

Awake at 7am this morning and did my usual Sunday motivational search on social media.

Now the following made me laugh out loud!!

It took me a while to figure the second word out but it sums life up just now. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I don’t know why this touched me so much but it really did….

Of all the leaders in the world it really hit me to see the Dalia Lama getting his COVID-19 vaccine. Wow. This really is a worldwide pandemic. (I know that I know that it is but I’ve never really thought of it…)

This really made me think how hard times actually are just now. I haven’t seen Mum and Dad or my in-laws Christmas Eve. I haven’t seen my brother and his family for over a year, same with Craigs brother and sister. We’ve stuck to the every rule as much as possible and it’s been really hard.

So my motivational search was not going quite so well….. however, I am grateful that we are all healthy though and still know very few people who have actually caught COVID-19.

So another productive morning for Team Avery. Up at 8am and chores split and off we went. After a coffee and dog portrait photography of course!

By 11.30am the house was spotless again. Even the dogs room was done. It really does clear your head when your house is clean.

I had to empty the Shark vacuum 3 times… I am soooo not impressed with the Shark. It does everything it’s not meant to do. Hairs wrap around the anti-hair wrap bar. It seems to do it more than any other hoover iI have ever owned. It’s maybe upset because I still cal it a hoover. 🙄😬😆

Anyway, I jumped in the shower and was ready for a walk with Claire and Calaidh to Nosh in Barmill.

We only took Calaidh with us so we could get a takeaway lunch and take it to the Barmill Community Park and don’t have to watch all 3 dogs at once….

By the end of our walk I already knew that Rangers had won the league as Craig had text. I’m not a football fan to be honest but even I got goosebumps watching the end of the game that led them to win.

It’s been 10 years since Rangers last won the league. In 2012 they dropped down into the bottom division due to a debt crisis and have had to work their way back up.

A very proud moment for so many fans yet due to COVID-19 no-one attends the games and no one should be mixing for celebrations. I’m hearing there are a large number of fans heading into Glasgow which isn’t great but this win has been a long time coming.

Stay safe everyone 🏆⚽️🥂

Wait until you hear the amount of things I have achieved today!! I actually think this day has had extra hours added to it. It’s not even 4pm….

So we did wake at 6 (yeah ok there’s the extra hours…. I know!) I always want a lie in on a Saturday and yet I wake up so much earlier than normal.

To be fair this was a packaging burn but it was super toasty while it burned.

We then took the dogs out for a walk to Spiers School Grounds.

It’s cold today so I wore my new ski jacket. Yes I know I have barely ever skied in my puff but I can recommend buying a ski jacket just now. Was £199.99 reduced to £64.99…. AND…. (and this is the real unexpected bonus….) it has something in it that allows me to be found in an avalanche. What more does a girl need?!?

I have a pocket for my ski pass….. 😳 maybe bus pass?!? Ok not that old! Pockets for my phone and a wee skirt to stop the snow getting under it 😳. As you may be able to tell I have never worn a ski jacket ever before but it’s super toasty so I’ve worn it ALL day… even in the house as a cardy 😬

When we got home I swept the decking at the bottom of the garden and also…. wait for it… swept the artificial grass….. yes…. swept up all the leaves and a large amount of sticks.

Stopped for coffee….

Craig then chopped some branches off one of our trees that was affecting a phone cable going to next door. 4 big branches hacked down and cleared away to dry for future kindling.

Then as I stopped for a wee over the fence chat with my lovely neighbour, Claire, Craig starting moving things around in the kitchen. I then found myself with the mouse sander, sanding down a breadboard that looked a bit worse for wear, as you do…. 🤷🏻‍♀️😆

Then…. I fully understand you may just be knackered reading this but we were on a roll…. we got the second tent up for sale.

Craig had commented before we started that we needed to have the divorce papers ready. Honestly we may have argued every time we have put this up in the past.

Not today. Team Avery were in complete control. It was quite possibly the easiest ever tent erection ever. (Enough…..😁)

We did comment that it helps there were not other campers sitting around watching us. 😆 if I’m honest I think that all the hard work I’m putting in at Kinesiology. I have calmed the hell right down. How huge is that?

While I’d been having coffee, Craig had varnished our wooden garden furniture.

We then took the tent back down and it was also the calmest that we have ever dismantled it and packed it away. Everything fits into its bag. unheard of….. and not a cross word spoken. Check us.

He came inside to watch his team, Rangers, get another step closer to winning the Scottish Premier League. I hung up two washings and put the sleeping bags in for a wash.

Then I went upstairs and did a tapping meditation on learning to love your body. I need to focus on this as it’s still something I have a big issue with.

I then sold the Awning that we put up for sale last week and the guy came to collect it. So chuffed. Chatted to him for a bit.

It’s only 5pm. I have also written this. I have had THE best day so far.

Today I am happy.

I will quit while I’m ahead 😬

Stay safe everyone 😁😁😁

I do like a day with a bit of a routine. A planed routine, one that I can’t get out of.

I sat down last night to eat some Fair Trade chocolate cake, made by our wee neighbour Rachel and a tsunami of panic came waving over me, as I realised the Friday morning consisted of the following:

1. 9am Osteopath
2. 9.45am home schooling with the wee one
3. 10am Puppy Zoom with clients and I’d booked Craig to attend too based on the issues they were having

To someone who suffers from anxiety, this is anxiety heaven…. the perfect storm… call it what you will but it’s the perfect excuse to PANIC!!!!!!

Now on Wednesday night I realised I had the clash with the Osteopath and the puppy call so I’d contacted the clients and pushed them out by half an hour….. I couldn’t possibly push them out again which meant we would need to leave the wee one to home school herself till her mum was home. Which to be fair was only for half an hour. I felt sooooo bad though.

It’s almost an amazing experience to have that excuse to bash yourself around the head… confirming all the negative things you think about yourself.

None of this was the end of the world.

It all went by without a hiccup.

So Osteo went well this morning he is happy with my shoulder and not certain why my knee pain is intermittent but genuinely all good. He did try to sneakily break my neck again… which is never pleasant but feels pretty damn good now. There was a sneaky back manipulation thrown in for good measure. I guessed it was coming…. you have to hug yourself… uh oh…. a hug is a prerequisite to a spinal crack…. seems a very sneaky thing to do. Get you all comfy in a hug then wham….

Back up the road about 10 minutes after Craig had started homeschooling. He was looking for a plastic bottle that we could use to make something for climate change week. 🌍 of course he came up with a poo bag dispenser….. 💩

Got her set up in Craigs office while we started the call up in mine. Her mum text when she was home and we never heard her leave.

The call went really well. It was a long one but I’m learning loads and learning to bow to my husbands superior dog behavioural knowledge. Though it sticks in ma craw at times 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

I actually am joking at that. He’s great to work with. Spins his finger when he wants me to move things along…. 😉

So after our work for the day, I was full of big ideas on what I was going to do and where I was going to go. I changed into my jammie bottoms and am safely wrapped up on the couch. I might read, I might crochet but most of all I will not talk to anyone about puppies…..

Have a lovely weekend!

Stay safe everyone 🧡🧡🧡

It’s now the 4th March and this has been bugging me since the 1st.

Every February I wait intently and smile when it comes in like a lion…. safe in the knowledge that the better weather is coming and we will be going out like a lamb.

Sadly this is something that usually keeps me going throughout the month of March. Now for as long as I can remember…. I have no recollection of March coming in like a lamb as it did this year.

I am unsettled….. does this mean we were just lucky? Does it mean that climate change has sadly rid the start of March of its lion status? Or……. more worryingly…. does it mean…..

I did all of this overthinking before 7am again…… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😬😆

I have a puppy zoom call with clients at 10am this morning so I am antsy. I feel more awake than yesterday (thankfully) but still not right. I feel a bit sick. I realise though that when you have things to do and you’re feeling a bit rotten, you do just bundle it up into a ball and kind of park it somewhere. On a day where I have nothing to do it washes over me and I listen to it and act accordingly.

There so nothing better than the high of finishing a puppy call with clients. I feel like I have really helped them, I have confidence in my own abilities, I am on a high. I did something worthwhile. Boom!!!

So it’s been a busy day. I wrote up my bio for Pawsitive Solutions website and spent gages hunting through the 11,300 puppy photos on my phone. Obviously not through them all but that’s how many I have…. anyone has any photos of me with one of my own or your pups, please send them to me!!

I had my monthly tapping session at 3pm with Shelagh Cumming and the girls. Always good to catch up and this week we worked on “I will succeed” which made me smile as I had already written the blog with the bit about success above.

4-5 was nap time and 5-5.45 was a lovely quick walk with Claire.

So a busy day. I’ve been up and down mood wise but it’s all packaged away in time for my calls… here goes round 2 for the day!

Stay safe everyone 🌅🌅🌅

Craig fell asleep on the couch last night and I didn’t hear him come to bed or get up this morning. That’s how soundly I was sleeping…. he of course tried to pretend he’d sat up all night but it turns out we even spoke when he came through… no recollection whatsoever.

Now I have to be honest and say that I don’t feel bad enough to be worrying about being a burden though I’ve been there in the past, but I am ticking the rest of those boxes today.

The medication I take has wiped out the really dark thoughts….. thankfully…. but it just sometimes weighs me down like a brick. This tiredness today feels like a medication slump. A bone tiredness.

That actually made me snort quietly to myself. I mean honestly how many ways can I describe tiredness in this blog…… 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😬🤔

Here’s a new one… my vessel is empty. 🙄😆

I will move on…….

I decided to head out to the shops to get some storage boxes for my kitchen cupboards this morning and found this wee guy in Home Bargains…

Bless….. he only has one arm and on closer inspection it really doesn’t look like the other has ever been attached. You sooo know that I wanted to buy him. I did not. I feel like him today…. not even a whole sloth 🦥 😆

Unfortunately in our house he’d be torn limb from limb within 5 minutes of bringing him home as Calaidh the destroyer would strike.

I came home and tidied the kitchen…. I fail to see how 2 people can create such a kitchen mess every day but then I also realise that there is an element of laziness that creeps in…

Decided to take the dogs to the field across the road with their frisbees. No real exercise foe me but seriously out for the count puppers afterwards as a result!

I had Claire’s home made bolognese for lunch as she is very good at making it. She may have surpassed herself today as it was soooo good! Really super tomatoey and rich.

I know have my feet up and the dogs are sparko … Craig is working.

So I dragged myself off the seat and came upstairs to do some Pawsitive Solutions bookings. That cleared the fog a bit which was good.

My lovely friend Evelyn came to the door to deliver a book for me to read. I wanted to drag her into the house and kidnap her but it’s amazing how something a bit different can lift your mood. so nice to see her and have a “normal” chat… the the freezing cold 🥶 it’s very cold again today.

It’s just a after 3 and I am going to try to have a nap or crochet for the rest of the day and let that be enough.

Stay safe everyone ♥️💜♥️

I would not have believed this if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes…. wow!

It really was that colour. If anything the photo doesn’t do it justice.

I don’t like I’ve ever seen a sunset like that. Thanks to some lovely neighbours for letting me know it was happening! Neighbourhood sunset watch! 🌅

Seemed to sleep ok last night and woke up without that deep seated sadness but I’m also not bounding around like Heidi the mountain goat either.

I’m tired…. oh my god… beat a different drum pet. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😴

I finally made it to the Post Office this morning to send my parcels and also had to head to Lochwinnoch to our closest Hermes drop off. I have been known in the past to refer to this the Herpes drop off…. 😳😬 so I have to be very careful when I say it now.

Lochwinnoch means I have to pass the Little Coffe Caravan…. so needs must!

I had a coconut milk latte this time. I was a very lovely wife and brought Craig a bacon roll too. 💗

After devouring half of each cake I sat down to make more dog behaviour calls. The enquiries are picking up a bit now. The. Went to walk Bhruic and Freya.

It was meant to be sunny all day today but the mist has been hanging around a bit. It’s super cold too so big jumper is on unlike yesterday when I could sit out in a T-shirt.

Feel like I’ve been working almost all day (yes like a normal person!) but I’m all set up to go with a puppy zoom call. I’ve booked another job for Craig today too. It’s been a successful business day.

I am going to miss the sunset tonight so I hope it gives a good display at my office bedroom window albeit south facing….

Puppy call done and just booked another one. I’m on a roll. But I need to sit down and rest now!!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

We did not move off the couch yesterday…. we watched 15 episodes of Superstore season 3. When we went to bed at 11 I read one of the four books I’m reading until it was finished (thank you Evelyn!)

I think I went to sleep very highly strung, living in a world of make believe…. more so than usual. 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄😆

I don’t feel like I slept the best so I couldn’t open my eyes this morning. It wasn’t a nice feeling though. It was a proper slump. Feeling very drained, exhausted, fed up and very sorry for myself. Craig got up and let the dogs out and I lay there and wallowed.

Claire sent me the loveliest photo….

And she told me I was going to have a lovely day. How lovely is that?! She also sent me this which did make me laugh….

Holly my other next door neighbour messaged about going on a dog walk at 9.30 and I knew then that I could do that and it would really help get me motivated for the day.

Just goes to show that you have no idea how a simple suggestion can make a difference to someone’s day…

I walked in to the kitchen, burst into tears and told Craig I was just so tired of feeling rotten. I had my shower and came back through and said “ok let’s start the day again….. Morning husband!!” 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

By the time we got home the mist had come down but cleared within an hour or so. It’s been a glorious day.

I had a good few dog behaviour calls today so got on with that as Craig got the camper van awning out so we can sell it.

In the meantime I booked him 2 jobs for this week and and puppy for myself. I ended up working for quite a while today. I felt totally confident until I got tired…..

I also got the camper booked in to Tartan Campers for the reversing camera…. finally answered my 4th text, so it’s off in w/c 23rd March. I haven’t tackled the wheel issue today but it will still be there tomorrow.

I washed blankets, got the awning up for sale and then Claire popped in for a garden cuppa as she’s off work today.

So in chatting right Claire I realise I have had very productive day. I don’t feel great… the tears are not far away but the main thing is there is no real reason for it. There is nothing bad or upsetting. It’s just general low mood. Spending time in the sun really helped. Actually sitting out with a T-shirt on at one point when the upstairs office got too hot! That’s gonna be a sweat box in the real heat if I can’t cope on the 1st March. 🥵😆

Stay safe everyone 🧶🍊🧶

It’s a year to the day since I was let go from full time employment.

I was bloody good at my job. I’m very driven, I gave my life to my work and still believe it’s probably the reason we never had kids. It was all or nothing for me. I wanted to change the world. As a people pleaser it was probably not the best industry for me to be in. I fell into manufacturing during my year out in industry at University. Every job thereafter follows the same path as that’s where your experience lies. You don’t realise that anything else is possible.

I like to think I made a difference to manufacturing but it made a huge difference to me and changed my life.

On Monday 4th September 2018 I fell apart. Honestly I’d been in pieces for a long time before that but on this particular day the tears would not stop.

I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t put on the mask. I couldn’t pretend it was ok. I worked for management that demanded results and I managed a team of people that struggled daily with everything that was thrown at us. New computer systems causing more errors than not, customers demanding new variants in lead times that were impossible to achieve.

I suppose looking back it was always going to happen. Trying to please everyone. Everyone except myself. I came last.

Sadly when you are off with mental health, very few people contact you. I guess they are scared to say the wrong thing. It’s not like breaking a leg. There’d be cards, flowers, banter. Going off sick with anxiety and depression is hush-hush. People disappear of the face of the earth. People you spoke to every day, people you thought were good friends. Nothing. Society drives this nervous, uncomfortable approach to anyone that “has bother with their nerves”. I don’t believe it’s out of badness.

When a message does come through it’s the best feeling ever. Someone had thought of you, remembered you. You must count after all but the feeling doesn’t last long.

I quickly realised that I had to drive my own recovery. I’ve said before that’s the hardest thing ever when you’re at the lowest point in your life. Without that drive to get better, nothing would have changed. I was letting everyone down…. or so I thought.

After counselling and Kinesiology sessions, I found the strength to return after 14 weeks. I was no longer the golden girl. I dropped right off the radar and was no longer eligible to attend the Senior Management Conference. The biggest kick in the teeth ever. Announced on a conference call like it was nothing.

I lasted until the end of May 2019. I tried, I really did. By now I was convinced I was no-one. Nothing made me think otherwise. I always knew that time off sick would ruin my career and it did.

My post became redundant in January 2020 and my contract terminated on 28th February 2021.

And what a year it has been…… none of us amines what was coming. How could we ever have guessed??

Claire and I had a lovely evening at the fire pit last night. I made a cheese toastie for dinner in my Ridge Monkey toastie maker and some apple turnover type thing. That didn’t quite work and came out a bit of a mess but tasted good!

Craig went to a gig last night lockdown styley… The Bluetones played online and he said it was really good…. and I didn’t have to go and pick him up!!

So here I am today. Still beating myself up for everything, still my worst critic, still not appreciating how far I’ve actually come.

I’m lying on the couch on a crocheted blankets covered by a 2nd crochet blanket and it does make me laugh at how colourful my life has become.

This morning we finally decided to put Jeepey McJeepface up for sale. We pulled together the details of all the extras and got it up on Autotrader. Tick in the box!

We then “attended” the virtual Camping and Caravanning show. For the last few years we’ve gone to the SECC with our neighbours Jim and Fiona and it’s been a great excuse to have a lovely wee lunch out. Not today…. the virtual show was a good idea but mainly links to websites of the companies that chose to be involved. So we kinda “did” the show in about 20 minutes.

I’ve not moved off the couch since.

I think it’s pretty simple. I’m really tired. I feel exhausted. I don’t have any real reason to be…. but I am.

As an aside… Craig just brought through some Manchego Cheese, Sundried Tomato and Green Olive pitta chips….. I reached out to take one and he says “now… one at a time and breathe in between them”…. he knows me too well 😆🤦🏻‍♀️🙄🤣

I am so frustrated in my exhaustion as I think I should be making better use of my time. I should be walking, should be eating healthy, should be, should be.

It’s only 1.30pm and I’m going to publish the blog early today. I don’t plan on doing to much else. I am going to accept that this is enough.

I’ve already eaten 10 pitta chips.

He’s not looking so won’t know.

I did breathe in between them.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️