First of all I have to start by saying day 555…. Not sure if you ever noticed…. But in movies, when phone numbers are giving out they always have a “555” in them. Watch out for it… 🤣

So I managed a bit of a lie in today. I have to say the anxiety is canned thankfully and today I am calm. It’s like flicking a switch. I slept well…. Woke up to the sheets absolutely soaking in sweat at one point through the night. That’s a joy of getting older. I got up to the loo and by the time I came back it was like I was getting into a wet bed. 🤢🤮

Thankfully normal temperature was resumed but the time the alarm went off.

I didn’t go to the Fit Body Farm as I had been so tired last night. I was due to head into work before the hospital at 9.35, but I’d worked it all back and figured I’d manage about a half hour of work before I had to leave again. Made the decision to do some work here first and then head straight from home to the hospital. Didn’t get out of bed till 7.30am….. oooooh.

Just yesterday I looked at our Ivy and thought… I never get to see that in the sunlight these days….. ta dah.

I had to attend Ayrshire Central Hospital this morning.

It’s a beautiful morning and I feel so much better. Despite the fact I’m headed to get my lump checked out….

I mean listen to me….. the anxiety devil that’s been dwelling in me these last few days is a distant memory.

My appointment was at 9.35 and in true Julie fashion I arrive suitably early…. Parking was a nightmare so just as well I did. By 9.45 my initial examination was complete with a big pen circle ⭕️ drawn on right boob….

Dressed and back to the waiting room.

Then it’s off for the Mammogram. Oh joy, bliss, rapture. It’s a horrible contraption and I often think must be designed by a man. For those of you men with other halves, I’m sure you will have heard this already but they literally whap it out on a plastic shelf and being another plastic shelf down on top of it and squeeze it flat. “It might nip” she says…… “oooh this is the nippy bit” she says….. oh my actual god. It’s so painful.

I should say here that through every step today the nurses have been wonderful. They explain every single step of the way. Every touch and movement is talked through before they touch or move you. But wow. Each boob flattened top to bottom then as if that’s not enough then from side to side. For that one you have to stand at an angle with an arm up and holding onto the machine. A bit like this….

🤣🤣🤣🤣it looked nothing like that… I caught sight of myself at this point in a tv on the wall that was switched off…. Oh my word. I said “jeez I can see everything in that tv…. Wow… that’s some sight” they all laughed. You got to.

The nurse said the tv is usually on and shows stills of Scottish countryside…. She said like the Glenfinnan viaduct….. I WAS THERE ON SUNDAY. Something else to focus on.

Pretty quickly dignity is restored. But the pain lives on for most of the day to be honest… I’m still tender now.

So back out to the waiting room and in for the Ultrasound before the hour is up. A bit like this…..

🤣🤣🤣🤣 again nothing like it but you get the drift.

Ultrasound lady is quiet for a while but then more than happy. I have a lot of cysts… which some people just do have. She called it Swiss cheese. She said the new lump I’d found seems to have gone down a lot on it’s own and they don’t feel they need to do anything else. The aspiration of a cyst can be pretty straightforward but with the amount I have the pain of aspiration would outweigh the benefit. This is my third visit to a clinic since 2010. I’m getting an old hand at it but it’s always a relief to know it’s nothing more sinister.

I’m free to go!

Back to work.

Craig had made me a lovely lunch so I ate super healthy today.

Someone said to me today that maybe I think too much. You know… that’s bang on… I do. It’s hard to switch that off. Constantly analysing why things feel so bad as I guess by know I know that they shouldn’t.

I say this all the time but the calm after bad anxiety feels amazing.

I’m in my jammies with my feet up. I’ve cancelled my Crochet Hookers for tonight as I’m tired and Craig and I are having dinner together.

We’re cooking pizza… kind of from scratch. We’ll see how it goes!

Stay safe everyone 🍕🍕🍕