Day 1470 what a beautiful morning to be alive! ☀️🏃🏻‍♀️☀️🐕‍🦺☀️

We’re still being blasted by the arctic air so it was frosty overnight again but it’s a beautiful morning. ☀️☀️☀️

I’m sitting outside on a bench in the garden, pretending it’s warmer than it actually is… it’s 11.08am and I’ve already run 3 miles with Run Club, walked Bhru and Freya and then had a big field walk with Calaidh.

I’m contemplating how to top that 😂😂 actually I’m so tired after all that I may just sit here all day with my suntan lotion on!

It’s been pure blue skies with white fluffy clouds and I am determined to live my best life for June who sadly passed away yesterday. I want to make every moment count, even if it is just sitting around relaxing. As long as I’m present in the moment then that’s all that matters.

It’s 7am.

I cannot get over the colour of the sky… 💙

I must take more photos of the trees now than I do of the dogs 😂

Love the early morning sun creating these long shadows… 4 members of run club in action!

Spiers school grounds looking lovely in the early morning sun!

Old Geilsland House.

This morning’s run club, Lynsey, Elly, Rachel two doors down and my bright red face!!

More trees.

All done! I’m definitely the reddest!!!

I love how much we are all smiling.

Back home and straight back out with Bhruic and Freya. Never met a soul…. Just how I like it!

More shadows!

Then back for a half hour with Craig before Calaidh and I headed out with Rachel and Nacho, Jim and Muck!

We walked right up to the top of the old golf course. Views right over to Lochwinnoch and Castle Simple Loch.

The gorse is as yellow as the sky is blue.

Looking over to Beith Parish Church.

The final shadow pic of the day… it’s not even 10am. There could be more….. Jim couldn’t resist! Rachel looks scarily tall!

And yes I actually did put this stick above my head to make it look like antlers… 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

All the dogs had a blast.

I have to admit after all of that I have had the laziest of days.

I’ve done housework, pottered, hung washing out to dry but I’ve been shattered. I spent a large part of the afternoon on the couch under Craig’s crochet blanket dozing on and off. I’m so tired.

To be fair I have done 22k steps today and most of them all before 10am!!

I am very calm and it feels really good.

On our After Dry January FB group we’ve done tributes for June today. A lovely lady Sally posted this and this says it all.

Happy Saturday night.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1463 normal service has been resumed!

I’m back.

It’s such a relief to feel better.

I have a feeling that yesterday’s Rigatoni with mushroom and lentils had something to do with it but let’s say no more.

In true Julie fashion, I’m all or nothing…..

I started the day with a 3 mile run, at 7am, with Lynsey. No one else from our run club WhatsApp group was available so it was just the two of us. Last night I was determined to run today. I had enough of sitting around like a sloth. 🦥

Check the heart rate….. woomph, right up there.

Lynsey is a runner so I’m so pleased I didn’t hold her back too much. I only stopped to walk twice when I felt a wee bit sick!

It felt really good. We saw no one.

I came home and sat in the garden and thought I might be sick…. But I wasn’t.

Look at the colour of my face while I take Bhruic and Freya up the hill…. It’s still beetroot!

This wee kitten was hiding from us…. Zoom in!

Back down the hill and the sun was starting to warm up…. Nothing like Rome temperatures… but Craig and I sat out in the garden and had coffee. It was really lovely. We sat for a while.

Craig groomed Bhru, who is most likely the culprit of the moulting hair in the house!!

I have never seen anything like it!!! He got loads off her. We did some videos for Scottish Dog Behaviourist as it was so crazy!

Khaleesi had physio at 11.30 so I went with them and took Calaidh.

We walked while they were in physio.

I’ve never been up here before, we had a great view over Burnhouse.

How pretty is this old gate?!

We headed back into Beith and took the two Khal/Cals to Mocha Jacks for lunch.

I had Honey, Avocado and Pesto stack! Again!

Craig had my fried egg.

We then came back and sat in the sun all afternoon. It’s been so lovely.

I am so grateful to feel better again.

I’ve done loads of Rome posts and reels on FB and I am trying to put some on Insta too. My reels used to post from insta directly onto my FB page but not anymore….

We have Elly’s 40th birthday party from 6pm tonight… I’m so glad my 2 days of illness have left me……. with a big spot on my chin just in time.

🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂😂

Have a lovely Saturday!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1449 an amazing Saturday with a powerful message ♥️

I have a had a lovely day…. So far…. It’s only 5pm.

It’s been full of a little bit of everything. Exercise, laughter, friendship, sadness, love and of course dog walks and housework.

Before I even start I feet truly blessed to have had such a lovely day…. It’s ok, I hear myself 😂 today has been a normal Saturday but I’ve enjoyed every single minute of it, in the present moment.

It started at 6.20am…. The alarm went off after the perfect sleep. It was the hardest thing ever to get out of bed but I did as I’d arranged to go running with Rachel two doors down, her sister Lynsey and Emma.

We ran from Coldstream Mill.

We run just over 3 miles. I was so chuffed I managed to keep up until the very end when I felt a wee bit sick. 🤢

It’s the calm before the storm.

Spotted these wee lambs, obviously freshly born. 🐑

There’s lots of flood water after yesterday’s rain.

I was very red… but really proud of myself!

I drove Rachel home and we went out to walk Nacho and Calaidh.

Then I was straight back out with Bhruic and Freya!

The daffodils are out in full bloom!

More flooding…

Back home to pick up Khaleesi, it’s her turn!

She is so excited when she’s on a walk!

Love this nature with the man made…

All of this before 10am!!

When I got back home, I tackled the housework. The dogs are on the cusp of moulting session again so there’s a whole lot of hair to be hoovered up. I emptied the hoover 4 times. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

It’s been great to get the house all clean…. Woe betide any man or puppy that might mess it up 😆😘

Claire came in for a cuppa over lunch time and it was great to catch up.

I did more cleaning and decided to make some lunch. I had fasted for 21 hours without even realising.

I made Kimchi noodle soup with enoki mushrooms, silken tofu, sesame gochugaru topping and fresh coriander.

It was soooooo good!!

I then sent a voice note to my lovely friend who received the inoperable cancer diagnosis over Christmas. If you remember I’ve never met her but she’s been a friend on FB for over 5 years now. She sent me so many lovely cards, books and gifts when I was off sick and struggling with depression. She showed me a light when all I could see was darkness.

We’ve been messaging with voice notes as it’s easier for her. I told her it was very windy today as Storm Kathleen is blowing across Scotland.

She sent me a message back to say she is very weak now and her voice is failing.

She said that she wished this hadn’t happened to her so she could have met me. She thanked me for being me, for every single thing that I am. She asked me to please believe in myself because she believed in me and, if I value her opinion, then I must know that she’s right. She said I am simply the absolute best of every good thing in this world and she told me that she loved me so much.

Wow. 🥰😢

Even in her darkest moments, she has the strength to brighten other people’s lives.

I can’t tell you what this lady has done for me. She showed me that there was a way out of the depression. She showed her love for a stranger because she saw something in me that may have mirrored her own life. She’s been such an inspiration and I truly hope that I can be the same for someone else some day. I will never forget her message today and I can never repay her, I can only pay it forward.

If that’s not a reason to live life to the full then I don’t know what is.

I have her husband’s phone number now so that I can keep in touch with him.

So yeah I’m gonna end it here tonight, I’m so full of gratitude and love and a few tears but I think that’s perfectly understandable.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1443 Easter Sunday 2024 and finally some warm sunshine!

Our clocks went back last night. This made me laugh!

I have to say I’ve been neither up nor down about it. It hasn’t bothered me as much as it used to do when I hated my job. I’m looking forward to the very light evening!

Sunshine has been a long time coming. We are finally outside in the garden for the very first time this year. Out of the breeze it feels hot. It’s only 12°C but hey that’s pretty good for us!

Khaleesi is loving the sunshine! About time too, she says.

It’s so lovely to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin after so long. The last time I sat out in the sun was the start of October in Turkey with Gayle. I still remember the last embers of the sun, knowing it would be a while before we felt it again. I was pre-sad to leave!!

Yesterday was lovely but wrap up lovely. Today is sun-trap Sunday in the back garden. I say that as it clouds over, the wind picks up and it goes cool. Did I speak too soon?!?!

I’ve not stopped all day. I’ve weeded and picked up branches and leaves, I’ve swept the decking, I’ve washed all of the dog blankets and now must rinse the washing machine before anything else goes through it. It’s HAIRY!!

It’s a proper spring day. The birds have been chirping all day. There was one in particular this morning, that chirped the introduction to the Game of Thrones theme tune. I’ve been singing that all day! 😂

Since I said it was hot it’s been cloudy and cool but I’m still sitting outside.

I feel so at peace in the fresh air. Sundays aren’t always my best day and yet this one has been calm.

I took Calaidh for a walk up the hill and got her to pose next to some daffodils. She’s a good girl…

She’s so pretty!

She’s really thinking let’s get this over with!! We got up to the field at the top of the hill and I freaked as there were two deer 🦌 in the middle of it. I called her and got her on lead but we were up wind of them so she couldn’t smell them thankfully! they didn’t seem that bothered about her either.

She did chase this poor farm cat up a tree on the way home though! Poor wee thing was hanging on for deal like until I got Calaidh on the lead.

I only got a photo as I’m ready for anything when I’m out walking 😂😂😂

So that was the weekend. It’s 5.35pm and I’m sitting outside again. The breeze has picked up and is blowing stuff all over the decking I just swept!

It feels good to have done all that today.

Hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend and for those of you who get Bank Holiday Monday, enjoy your lie in. I will be mostly trying to appreciate the empty roads in the morning!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1442 dog walks, writing and a trip to Largs! ☀️☀️☀️

That’s two days in a row the forecast has said one thing and the weather has done the opposite. I’m not complaining. I’m sitting here right now….

I have my jacket off and even had my jumper off earlier. The sun has been shinging almost all day. It’s been cold but it’s beautiful now. I have fur lined boots and fleecy leggings on and I am pretty cosy.

I’ve found a new path and a new bench today. I’m in Largs but I parked at the Marina and walked from the Largs Pencil, into Largs. People have told me to do that a lot, I finally have!

The Pencil is a memorial to the Battle of Largs in 1263, between the Scots and the Norwegian Vikings.

It’s so lovely to see the sun and in between breeze gusts, feel the warmth of it. It’s been away for a LONG time! I am so ready for Spring and Summer.

I met up with Craig’s sister Lisa and my nephew and we played on the 2p machines for a wee while until I won a dolphin keyring! It’s been ages since I did that!! So serious!!

But the sun was calling. I’m like a caged lion being inside when the sun is out. I’ve also fasted for 19 hours so I’m ready for a cuppa. I sat outside in Indigo Eats Largs. It was a beautiful wee sun trap albeit, by the side of the road, it felt very European!

I haven’t washed my hair since Wednesday morning!

I could have sat there all day but the sea was calling. I walked up to the top of the promenade, turned back round and walked all the way back down to the Largs Marina where I’ve parked. I can’t bring myself to leave, it’s just so beautiful. I’m now perched on some rocks at the jetty!

Sunshine and blue sky is very good for the soul. 💙☀️💙☀️

Here are some more photos from the walk.

They are rebuilding the harbour wall up the top of the promenade. It looks like they are extending it into the sea a bit too.

Looking back down to Largs.

CalMac’s Loch Riddon seemed to stop sailing at 4pm.

My blogger friend The Windsor Waffle, thinks railings are my new thing… she might be right. It’s the shadows too!

My new favourite bench with a lovely dedication on it.

I’ve had a lovely day. I didn’t sleep that well, I tossed and turned like a tossey turney thing. If you ask Fitbit it says it was much better than it felt!

I got up at 7.30…. I’m still trying the no phone before natural sunlight but it’s hard. 😂

I took Calaidh and Bhruic for a run.

Then back to get Freya and take her up the hill. I left my phone to charge as it didn’t charge overnight.

I then really randomly sat down at my laptop and started to write…. I feel like I have a book in me. I say that and squirm because my head says not to be so ridiculous and my heart trusts that it might help some people. I wrote for about 3 hours just jotting things down.

Will see how it goes. I may never mention it again…. I feel drawn to help people but I’m not sure gallivanting around the world, with anxiety, is the best kind of business plan. 😂

On the way back from Largs I stopped at he Hailey Brae roadside view point. Wow.

The gorse bush is almost in full bloom with the Isle of Arran on the horizon.

Largs is just down in the foreground here.

I had the lookout to myself. It was so peaceful.

I love the calm. I love the peace. I love the sun. I love the blue sky.

I am very happy.

Stay safe everyone ☀️💙☀️

Day 1441 something nice about that number.. Good Friday 2024

It’s my day off today and I have zero plans for the next 3 days… nada, diddly squat, nowt.

That usually just opens up before me like a big hole in the ground but despite saying I’ve been freaking out, I’m actually looking forward to the relaxation. It’s been a busy few weeks.

We had a lovely meal last night at The Ship in Irvine. Our table was booked for 6pm coz that’s how we roll these days. It’s a lovely place.

Craig had Cullen Skink for starter and I had garlic mushrooms. Both were lovely.

Craig had fish and chips and I had vegetable pie…. In keeping with my random not eating meat thing.. it was really good.

Pinch my sundae and I’ll punch you. Not quite sure how I captured this random shot but it’s a good one… the dessert is mine.

This is a Tunnocks Ice Cream Sundae.

Tunnocks are a famous Scottish biscuit/cake brand and I have to say it tasted like a Tunnocks Teacake and a snowball all rolled into one!

It’s 1.30pm and I’ve been for a run with Rachel, walked Bhru by myself and walked Khaleesi and Freya with Claire… had a cuppa, tidied the house, hoovered, cleaned, put away washing, marvelled at the sunshine, put two new washings on and had a shower. Then I sat down in the silence and have almost fallen asleep.

The silence is lovely. I’ve only 3 dogs and they are fast asleep.

Showcasing my crochet here. 😂

Rachel and I headed out at 7.30am. It’s a beautiful morning. Here we are running!!

It’s such a lovely morning.

It’s all about the puddle reflections this morning. It must have rained heavily overnight.

There is a tiny reflection in this puddle!

This huge puddle shows how much it’s rained.

Love seeing the sun like this.

Bhru enjoying some one on one!

I headed back home and picked up Claire, Khaleesi & Freya!

We went into Spiers old school grounds and this huge tree has fallen over. As we walked towards it, it looked like a new, muddy pond… then I realised the tree was down and the water is the root bed filling up after the rain.

Freya having a wee chat with Khaleesi.

Freya getting cuddles from her Auntie Claire.

More reflections on the way back.

Claire came in for a cuppa and got kisses from Khaleesi!

So the weather went from warm in the lovely sunshine to torrential rain pretty quickly.

My in-laws came down this afternoon with our nephew this afternoon… to deliver Easter eggs!! We had a lovely catch up.

We also had a guy come out to fix our French doors at the back of the house. For over an hour we had 4 adults and a teenager AND 5 dogs all in one room…. So the guy had free rein to come in and out the house.!

So yeah that’s my Friday. Been a good day.

Hope you all have a great weekend. No Easter break for me as we work Monday but I’m looking forward to the next 2 days to chill.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1437 a very wet Monday! ☔️

I sat at work today thinking, jeez what on earth will I write about today?!?

It rained a lot. I was at work. I got my period. The End.

😂😂

There’s so much more to say… of course there is…

I started the day with some gusto. As it was a non hair wash day, I had lots of time to spare so I cleaned the kitchen, put on a washing and loaded the dishwasher.

We are being really lazy not doing this at night. I came down annoyed at the mess. By the time I left for work, all that needed doing was the clean dishes out the dishwasher needed put away.

The messy kitchen monster ran about all over the kitchen today at some point and I came home to do it all again. I have proudly, clearly communicated my desire for things to be left a bit tidier moving forward.

By the time I came home some mild stomach cramps had kicked in and I felt really irritable.

I’m angry at the weather for being so cold, wet and miserable again. Yesterday’s sunshine was so lovely. It really helps my mood. I feel like I am sitting in front of series after series on TV just now, I don’t want to do that but I also can’t not do that just now. I don’t drink, I’m trying to fast, I only do decaf and I’m pretty much veggie/vegan just now so there’s not much enjoyment in life… I need some escapism.

As soon as I write that I realise how dreadful that sounds. I get lots of enjoyment in life… I haven’t stopped this weekend. I have a cheek to think life is dull. I just mean that the day to day life is a bit monotonous at the moment.

My boss made a great point today… it’s still winter, it is still cold, all of that will change with the lighter nights and some sunshine.

I was excited to get my next Planthood food delivery….. which, of course, did not arrive.

Seems I have ordered for a monthly delivery and not weekly… I have virtually nothing to eat in the house but I’m not going back out. I have a real aversion to going out in the evenings these days. Don’t want to watch tv but don’t want to do anything else!!

So I made some cauliflower cheese with plant based spread and tofu. Who actually am I? Why am I doing this? Why can’t I eat meat? Soooo strange. I was angry at Planthood but it’s not their fault I can’t seem to work their app.

So I felt grumpy and sludgy… amazed that is actually a word…. I put my anorak on and took Bhruic and Freya out for a walk in the rain. I knew that would make me feel better!

What a difference the weather makes. Yesterday compared to today!

The pups did a lot of sniffing…. Honestly felt like they stopped at every blade of grass! It’s great mental stimulation for them though.

Very spooky, old tree.

We got a bit damp and soggy but I feel all the better for the fresh air. I’m so glad I did it.

One of the lovely ladies that I used to sea swim with has just published a book. How amazing is that?!

The sad, untimely passing of her husband, lead her to honour his memory by raising awareness and reducing the stigma of those struggling with. Their mental health and addiction.

She started working towards a swim challenge where she swam from Holy Isle to Lamlash on Arran. She completed this on 4th September 2021.

She’s such an inspiration writing a book about it too!

That’s all from me tonight. I’m off to sit with my grumpy assed emotions. 😂😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1429 1900 days without booze!

I honestly can’t believe that I have gone 5 years and 2.5 months without alcohol.

Look at the stats…. I have not consumed 820,000 alcohol calories. Wow!

Now I’m not naive enough to realise that those of you who are quite happy with your drinking, just won’t get this at all.

Not drinking is still considered a bit weird. Alcohol is used to celebrate EVERY life event, in fact it’s fundamental to every life event.

The world revolves around it. It’s not a holiday until you’ve had a drink at the airport, not a holiday without a cocktails, not a wedding without a toast, not a birthday without a boozy party…. If you don’t drink then you don’t really fit in.

I chose to stop drinking as I didn’t like the person I became when I drank. I felt out of control. My life revolved around it. I couldn’t wait for it to be socially acceptable to have a drink on day off work. I was always ready for the next glass of wine. It would calm me and relax me and take away the fact that I was incredibly unhappy at work. I was a burnt out people pleaser who had no people pleasing left in me.

The only time I was happy was when I had a drink as it numbed it all.

I’d been on anti depressants for years. All the while drinking away…. Managing hangover, shame, regret and trying to please everyone the next day. No one would ever have known how unhappy I was. I was the life and soul of the party.

And then I started to cry and didn’t really stop.

It took me 3 months of being off sick from work, before I decided to do something about it and started Dry January 2019.

In the middle of February I was asked to become admin of the FB group After Dry January and that group of people were fundamental in keeping me going. They made it all ok. I’ve never even met these people.

I’ve only had two slip ups… once when the pubs closed for lockdown and the second when they reopened…. I drank as fast as I always did and felt awful the next day on both occasions.

It’s not for me.

Apart from being socially awkward these days and feeling a bit uncomfortable in my own skin at times…. It’s THE best thing I have ever done. For someone who desperately tried to fit in, I’ve finally chosen to stand out.

I am finally free.

The early mornings are my favourite time. When I feel fresh and bright and ready to take on anything before everyone else gets up.

By the afternoon I’m quite happy with my feet up writing down what is going on in my head.

How my life has changed.

How funny that I’m celebrating 1,900 days on the day that so many people round the world are partying on St Patrick’s Day.

The Scottish Dog Behaviourist did a play on this today.

We got up early this morning and went for a family walk.

It was beautiful sunshine but the sky was so dark in front of us. The power lines add to it…

I had a super productive morning. I’ve done a washing and filled the dishwasher. We’ve been to the garage and filled my tyres with air, hoovered the car, done a quick food shop as I’ve run out of Planthood meals. All of this before 11am. (unfortunately still have a tyre warning light on my dash but that’s for tomorrow!)

I had an early lunch as I was hungry and then had a bath.

I’ve decided to have an early afternoon and chill out and relax. I’m really tired after the excitement and exercise of the last few days. It’s been a great weekend.

My mind is still all over the travel thing and make the most of life every day.

Long may this continue.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1427 walked 11 miles today!

Helen will be so proud of me. I spent the morning walking, walking and walking!!

I had the best sleep. All night until 6.30am.

As usual… facing a weekend with no plans, I’m never quite sure what to do with myself.

I got up after 7 and put a washing on and decided to get out with some of the many dogs, first thing 😂😂

The torrential rain has stopped but left a low lying fog.

It was so peaceful, so still and so calm…. Not a breath and barely a noise apart from birds tweeting.

We’ve all been a bit depressed by the weather recently and yet this morning, it felt really lovely, very misty and mysterious. I had a really lovely walk.

Huge puddles.

Bhru checking out the high burn… it’s flowing fast after all the rain recently.

They went in to play!

I say that and Freya always sits on the bank!

On the way back I played with some reflections in puddles. This one wasn’t the best…

Like the spooky tree reflection.

When I got home I decided to take Calaidh out for a LONG walk.

We went through Spiers School Grounds. It’s beautiful but very wet.

These wee daffies were lovely….

Some of them flattened by the rain.

It really feels like everything is starting to grow now.

How random is this?!?! A road sign in the middle of a field near Kilbirnie Loch? I stood for a while trying to figure out where the road might have been? Hope some of the locals can tell me why this is here?!?

Calaidh thinks she can take on this branch!!

Calaidh is living her best life.

By this time it’s been raining for a while but I’m loving being out in it.

She loves a wee pose does our Cal!!

Here’s the random road sign on the way back… so weird!

Calaidh loves a paddle!

Not sure this does the rain justice…. But it was heavy by the time we headed home.

Someone needed a shower!

It’s the first good wash she’s had in a long time and she is super fluffy now!!

I’ve walked 11.37 miles today and I’m feeling it. I had such a lovely morning though… out in the rain, appreciating the beauty in the mist. It felt very good to be alive.

When Craig came home from work we headed to Mocha Jak’s for a bite of lunch. I had Honey and Walnut avocado stack.

I gave Craig the fried egg but I did have the halloumi. I’ve been almost fully vegan this week, it’s not through choice but I just don’t fancy meat.

I may also have had an oat milk hot chocolate (with cream yup I get the irony!) but I felt it was well deserved after my 11 miles today.

It was really very lovely.

I’ve been home since 3.30 and all of a sudden it’s 5.40?! Time really disappears when I write this blog.

I am really tired but it’s been a great day.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1423 a crazy busy day with dog walk AND cooking 😂

A wonderful, wonderful sleep last night. I never heard Craig come up to bed, never heard a thing all night.

I’m using deep sleeps earplugs from Amazon. Snoring?!? I hear nothing but yeah rumour has it I am….. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😬 oops sorry…. I can’t hear a thing 🎧😂

I woke at 5.15am and snuggled back down for another hour. I felt so refreshed when I got up.

Once I’d had my shower I felt really stiff….. I haven’t walked the length of myself all weekend. Last weekend I walk 35 miles, this weekend less than 10,000 steps. I’m sure I feel more stiff when I exercise less.

I hobbled out to the car.

By the time I got to work I couldn’t walk properly. I couldn’t put any weight on my left leg. When I did I got an excruciating pain and my left gave way. I hobbled into the office. It was so painful.

I sat about for a bit but as sore as it was, I realised the more I walked, the more it eased off. I went for a jog around the car park… as you do at 8.10am. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂. It totally eased it off and I’ve been fine for the rest of the day.

Work was beyond busy today.

Just another manic Monday! A throwback from my 80’s singsong in the car yesterday.

By the time I got lunch I had fasted for 22.5 hours. It was just the fastest day.

When I got home I literally dragged myself out in a dog walk. I know I need to keep moving and exercise more.

It would have been so easy to come in and sit down.

I took Freya and Calaidh and despite the meh weather, we had a good walk. Exercise is good for the soul.

Check Freya with her wee bunch of cut grass in her mouth 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂

If you zoom in she has a mouthful!!!

I got another food delivery, this time from Planthood…. Only because I got a voucher for money off.

I decided to have Crispy Mushroom Shawarma With Garlic Tahini Sauce, Pickled Radish & Fresh Mint In Soft Flatbread. Sounds awfy fancy eh?!?

Here are the ingredients.

It’s so easily packaged and easy to make. It took less than 20 minutes.

This is what it turned out like and I can honestly say it was out of this world.

I wrapped it and it tasted so good and I feel really full after it.

I’ve had at least 4 of my 5 a day today and that feels good.

It’s been a good day. life is for living…. Let’s do it!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1401 who’d a thunk it and a roundup of stats!

On day 1359 I put out my blog as usual… the next day I called it day 1400 and only a few people noticed… I had NO idea why I had just jumped 40 days. Thanks to clever Rachel two doors down for making me realise I wasn’t crazy… on the 24 hour clock 1400hours comes straight after 1359!! Duh…. 🙄 😂

I usually do a stats roundup on the significant days of the blog. There was way too much to talk about yesterday. I still can’t get my head around the fact that I have written this for almost every single one of these 1401 days… give or take.

It helps my head so much.

It challenges my head on the days I can’t talk about something that’s really bothering me.

But most of all, it’s a blessing to be able to think through my day and make sense of it.

I’m feeling so much calmer after Kinesiology last week. We have taken the sting out of the urgency for change. I am back in alignment for now.

I have a great life. I have a lovely husband and 4 lovely dogs. We have a lovely house and live in a lovely village and I have the luxury of only working 4 days a week. I used to dream of that kind of freedom.

I used to dream of the job I would have and now I have it.

There are days when all of that implodes on me and creates so much stress that I just want to run and hide.

I expect FAR too much of myself and yet I’m proud of that as that is what makes me, me.

I have done all of this with the help of counselling and Kinesiology and the support of everyone around me.

And most of all because I refuse to give into it.

1,871 days without alcohol
1,271 days without anti depressants although always consider them when it gets bad
467 on HRT, not really sure what this has done for me but hey, I’ll keep on.
413 fasting, my newest fad ( I say that and I recognise I’m pretty committed when I settle on something 😂)

So why have I learned in the last 100 days… hmmmm I’ve had some tough days but still nothing like I experienced before. I think there’s always the fear that I will head back down there. Maybe I’m really not a fan of winter.

I’m not missing the van at all, that surprises me but also helps me to know I made the right decision selling her. I’m super excited to explore again in 2024 and I’m so looking forward to some sunshine.

I will miss campsites randomly…. There’s a lovely camaraderie between campers. I will miss that, just not enough to keep running a van. Sure I can get a wee tent if I miss it too much. 😂

I’m feeling really good today. Positive about the future. Grateful for everything that I have and grateful to finally be calm and not want to head for the hills.

I want to explore the whole world and experience the cultures everywhere. I know that I will get to do this and will enjoy every minute of it… it just doesn’t have to happen tomorrow.

So back to today… a run with Calaidh this morning in my new trainers. DRY FEET!!! Yay. Calaidh approves.

When I got home we went to Mocha Jak’s for brunch.

I had the Honey, Pesto & Walnut Avocado Stack which is new! It was really lovely.

Back home and Craig watched the football while I had a wee rest and watched some episodes of Manifest on the iPad, lying on the bed.

I then took Freya out a walk. She’s chuffed with the trainers too.

I did some training with her, she’s a good girl.

It’s been a lovely sunny day. It started to rain when I walked Freya but it’s the first day I’ve been out with a sweatshirt and a bodywarmer and not felt frozen. ☀️

So yeah, 1.401 days…. Bring it on the rest.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1396 a slightly better day ☀️

I’m so grateful to be sleeping despite all this anxiety. Another good night.

I had a really lovely evening it myself last night and even drank a WHOLE bottle of alcohol free Rosé! Decadent huh?! It was super chill and relaxed. It helped my head.

I woke feeling brighter this morning, a sliver of hope that the worst may have passed. I spend a bit of time on my phone looking for positivity and I got hit between the eyes with it…. Here are a few to share.

I hear ya…

If there’s no joy then time is covering up the present moment. That’s exactly what I’m doing just now, I’m panicking about time passing me by… not focussing on the moment st hand.

All I am focussing on are the problems, I can’t see beyond them to the possibilities but I can see that today….

And this…… this will be the year.

I had an ok day today. The sun shone outside and it was cold but lovely. I came home and walked Calaidh and Freya… it was a lovely end to the day… I chatted to mum.

then… I made dinner… another Green Chef vegan delivery… mushroom “shepherds” pie.

It was really super tasty.

So it’s late before I sit down but I’ve emptied and refilled the dishwasher too. It’s the first time I’ve felt like doing anything in the evening and it feels good.

Just one step at a time.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1395 a lovely evening chilling

I slept so well last night until 4am and then had work swirling round in my head for the next 2 hours.

I’ll get an early night tonight.

My anxiety was sky high this morning. Head spinning, stomach churning, chaos.

It passes mid morning and I settle into a calmer day with a few irritable flare ups.

It was a lovely day…. The sun was shining and it got windy and wet just before I left work at 4.

I went for diesel and bought some chilli heatwave Doritos and some mini eggs. I came home and had a spinach and ricotta pizza with a lovely glass of alcohol free rosé. Not the healthiest of diets but I’ve really enjoyed it.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that Khaleesi is missing out on this, she lying by my right elbow!!

The rosé is lovely.

I’m watching Manifest on Netflix. I’m really enjoying it.

I’m not out of this strange spell yet but I’m still focussing on gratitude while I go through it. That is so unlike the person I used to be. I’m proud of myself when I am aware of things like this.

The universe is trying to tell me something and I just need to stop screaming at myself long enough to listen.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1392 a day of two halves 🥳🥹 I know I’ve used this title before 🙄

I had the best sleep. I woke at 6am, no tension and felt really happy. I was soooo looking forward to my day off. When Craig’s alarm went off at 7.30am, I ruffled his hair, said “guess who’s feeling better today?” And started to fill him in on Iceland’s latest eruption. I was buzzing. Poor Craig had barely opened his eyes and I’m shoving my phone into his face. 😆

I didn’t realise that it started yesterday. Thankfully it seems everyone was evacuated safely but this lava has moved faster than the last couple of eruptions and has covered the road junction for the Blue Lagoon. It’s awful for everyone involved as I’m sure the Blue Lagoon was heaving every day and it’s had to close a lot these last few months. Now it will need a new road. (I might have this all wrong but that’s my afternoon caffeine induced anxiety talking…)

I had a lovely morning. I went a run with Rachel two doors down. we ran for over 2 miles. I found it hard but I was so glad we did it.

I came back in to this…. The dog master.

I sat and had a coffee with Craig. Didn’t go for decaf…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

Then back out for a much slower jog with Freya and Calaidh. Love how Freya always looks back at me when I take the camera out! (Phone… obvs 🙄)

I had my shower and set off for my appointment at Viv’s Nails and Beauty to get my toes and eyebrows done. I wittered away like a budgie to Viv. I told her I felt quite hyper today. 😆

I then went to the little gift shop for some birthday presents and spent AGES choosing what I wanted. Lovely to see Gayle but I’m meeting her tomorrow so I said we couldn’t talk about anything of any importance 😂😂

By that time it was around 1pm so I headed to Curiosity coffee shop and had an oat milk latte with a lovely bit of cake. What a way to break my fast.

It was soooo good, super tasty. The cake is like something Gran would make with marshmallows, glacé cherries 🍒 and coconut.

I have been churned up ever since. On the way home I felt the butterflies in my stomach so badly I felt sick. Really squeamish. In no way, shape or form was it anything to do with what I ate but I think the caffeine and sugar has hit me the wrong way.

I cleared out the kitchen, moving things around as it had become really cluttered, and put lots of things away in cupboards, but I can’t shake the squeam. I’ve sat down on the couch to watch tv to take my mind off it but I can’t find the tv remote anywhere…. It’s bright orange and not easily missed.

Tracey in Canada just sent me this… she has no idea that I spent the afternoon on looking for a remote!!

I literally just want to cry. I think I am creating a panic attack… oh there are the tears. It might take me a while but I can usually get to the bottom of things writing this.

I think the cheeriness from this morning came from a misplaced anxiety. I can’t seem to shake it this last few weeks. I think maybe I need to consider medication again. I don’t want to but can’t cope with this level of fear. Can’t see to type let alone find the orange telly buttons… I’ve just gone through to the bathroom to try to be sick. Nothings coming up but I’m retching. What a state to get into.

I used to live on coffee to get me through the day… and now 2 have given me heart palpitations.

I’ve had some work stuff to do today which has generated a bit of anxiety…. I’m making it bigger than it is and haven’t switched off to work like I usually do.

It’s been a jittery few weeks on and off.

Craig just called and it really helped to speak to him.

He has the orange tv remote in his pocket!!

That made me laugh…… I was going mad looking for it!

So yeah… honest blog again. Anxiety doesn’t want me to put it out but I will cause that’s what I do. I’ll just not be able to look anyone in the eye ever again 😂😂😂

How lovely is this card I found in the little gift shop.?

The tv remote is now home. My life is complete.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1389 Happy 9th Birthday Calaidh! 🥳🥳🥳

Not gonna lie I was sitting with the blog completely stuck about what to say today…. Then I remembered it was Calaidh’s 9th birthday! Craig said he’s been wishing her happy birthday all day. Bad dog mumma forgetting.

He’s our puppy Calaidh!

In the famous tartan bed with her polar bear! It’s only famous as it had been in Craig’s family for years until either her or Bhruic completely destroyed it. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I can’t believe she is 9 already. We got her for Craig’s 40th. Here’s a few of her best pics… she’s a poser.

This next one makes me laugh as it feels like a withering look….. here she goes again… other photo….

Just throw the ball already!!

Here have it back… story of our lives 🎾🎾🎾

She’s a funny wee soul… obsessed with tennis balls, runs a mile of someone coughs or sneezes, annihilates any toy that comes near here but she’s the most cuddly girl.

Tried to get a selfie with her but it’s not working. Getting lots of cuddles though.

Anyhoo…. It saved me from talking about my day. 😂

Compared to how I felt yesterday, I have been really good. I’ve been focussed on the present moment.

I’ve not been fighting reality. That’s always helps. I’ve been a bit foggy minded but that’s ok, it’s been a busy few days. Gonna get a super early night tonight again.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1380 this too shall pass… ♥️

So yeah, not the best of days today but I’ve still been for a dog jog AND a long dog walk so that’s gotta count for something…. AND I’ve tidied the house and gone to Tesco for a food shopping.

I’m gonna make this quick because I know this will pass. I’m not giving it power over me by writing about how I feel today. I will share some of my photos though…. Even though it’s been a very grey and windy day.

Calaidh and Freya have their jog on this morning 🏃🏻‍♀️🐕‍🦺🦮

When they start off they are actually running with excitement…. Woah woah woah woah woah puppers… mumma can’t keep up 😂

I’m wearing old trainers as my feet get so wet outdoors in my current trainers, yet these old ones make both knees hurt almost immediately. I limped the last stretch home.

Changed into my walking shoes for a long walk with Bhruic and had no pain AT ALL. This knee pain is so strange…. Since we started sleeping at the bottom of the bed (like crazy people!) I’ve had no real knee pain at night, I’m not even having to use the pillow for elevation. Who knows what’s happening there?!

Bhru and I walked a way I haven’t gone for ages. I wanted to spend some one on one time with her. We passed the trees I used to see on my way to counselling every week. I think of them as my therapy trees.

Bhru’s not impressed!

I let her off lead and work on recall. She’s really good.

She’s loving the freedom.

We walked to this wee burn and back. Not been here in so long. She wanted to go and run in the field but there are sheep in the back right field and I wasn’t convinced that it was secure enough… taking no chances.

This is the level we’re at today… I love the deep tyre treads a tractor makes.

I’m fascinated but the shapes…. Big circles on the top and hexagons, under the weight at the bottom.

I saw my first snowdrops of the year! So pretty.

I came home and ran about doing random housework and tidied up some things in the garden that had blown over in the wind.

I headed down to Tesco for a food shop and diesel ready for my 11 days of work ahead.

So yeah, inwards and upwards as they say. (oh Freudian slip there!! I’m leaving that in)

It’s pretty dull outside so I have my new Sand + Paws candle burning. I got this from Craig’s sister along with my Joma bracelet.

I wuf you 🐾

The business was set up by girls in California to get rid of the smell of wet dog after being down at the beach. Just wet mud here today!

I’m at 21 hours fasting which I’m really pleased about. I can only do this at weekends… I can’t manage a long fast through the week. I never set out to do a long one, it just happens some times . Craig’s made his amazing rice pudding so I’ll be having some of that shortly 😋 then I’m gonna have a nap!

Here’s wishing you all a great week ahead.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1378 the day of 800* dog walks prone to exaggeration

It’s 5.15pm and I’m over 20k steps already…. Some days I can barely scrape 2k so that’s not bad going.

I had a great sleep and met Rachel two doors down at 8.20am for our weekly run. (Forgot to write about it last week but we have done it every week in January!)

We ran a bit further this week so I was really pleased. It’s “only” 2 miles but that’s 2 miles more than I did in the last 6 months!! how red do I look?!?

We had to take Craig’s car to the garage for its service and then I started walking the millions* of dogs we now own.

It was actually a lovely morning. Cold but dry and sunny.

First up Calaidh and Bhruic.

The burn’s quite full after all the rain.

Bhru is checking it out.

Back home and swapped them for Freya. Did a bit of recall training with her.

She’s really good when she’s on her own with no distractions.

Wee sweetie… she’s still my baby!

The low winter sun makes everything look lovely. Only downside is my big shadow in the photo.

Back home and swapped for Khaleesi.

She had a lovely walk.

We caught this lovely rainbow as the rain was heading over, thankfully I missed the shower!

The cloud was low hanging with only a little bit of blue on the horizon as it came over.

Still no rest for the wicked 😂 when I got home I tidied the kitchen, put on a washing and filled the dishwasher.

I found one of my favourite socks…… this is it on my hand with the culprit… showing her what she has done!! Mum can you darn it?!?!? 😂 that’s me asking my mum, not Calaidh asking me…. Standing joke some of the socks we’ve asked mum to darn!!

When Craig came home from work we picked his car back up and headed to Mocha Jak’s for lunch. I had the avocado stack!

I then went down the little gift shop and spent about an hour chatting to Gayle. As you do. It’s looking soooo lovely just now.

Back home and into the pub and we’re both on alcohol free! Craig’s done so well with Dry January. He’s made it look so easy.

So home now…. I’ve been a bit antsy today. A lot of my day has felt like a chore and at times I’ve stopped myself and thought, be in the present moment and enjoy what you are doing right now. That’s really helped. I feel like I need “NOW” tattooed on my hand to remind me.

My knees have been great since last Friday. They’re ok ish today so will see how they are tonight after all those steps. They are not stopping me from doing anything which is the main thing!

So happy Friday night and enjoy your weekend!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1364 a lovely Friday off work

5am.

I repeat… 5am.

On my day off.

His alarm goes off at 5am.

Oops sorry baby…… reads for a bit and back to sleep. out for the count.

Me 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

I didn’t sleep great last night as my knee was uncomfortable when I turned but I was FAST ASLEEP at 5am. Course I was.

You’ll be pleased to know I finally did my knee physio exercises at 6.30am. My leg has no power at all and it shakes doing these simple exercises! That’s good though as it’s building strength.

I went for another run with Rachel two doors down. My legs are stiff, my knees are sore but it’s not excruciating. It’s not as sore as it can be in bed.

We ran for 1.58 miles and knocked a minute off our time from Sunday. I don’t notice it when we plod in line and chat.

We then took the dogs up the hill for a walk. I took Calaidh. It’s meant to be wall to wall sunshine this morning. Not so…..

I then went back down the hill and took Bhruic up….

Look at the stick she ended up playing with… dogs should never play with sticks but I caught this crazy photo of her throwing it up in the air. (Could have been very dangerous…. 🙊)

Then she jumped in a burn and came out with the muddiest nose!

I finally saw something that might resemble blue sky but it never came to anything.

So by 10am I had done a run, 2 dog walks, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen and fed the dogs!

I’m not sure where the rest of the day went 😂 (just remembered and will end with that!)

I cleared out my wardrobe and drawers again. I seem to do that a lot these days but it feels good. I had a shower and got ready and we went out for lunch to Auchengree farm shop near us. Check these cute goats they have running around!

They’re tiny!

I’d fasted for 19 hours and 22 minutes and I don’t think I made the best choice… I had chicken tempura and pulled pork loaded fries. I should have ordered the salad after all my healthy exercise! It sounds great but I just wanted to sleep afterward…. That remind me I was awake at 5am.

Guess where I had been sitting…. Right on the middle of the mob of dogs 😂

So yeah…. I am randomly heading off tomorrow, on a wee solo trip to Oban for the night. Literally booked this morning.

You might think it would be easier if I still had the van, but I am getting the train up leaving here at 7.10am tomorrow morning. In all the trips I’ve had to Oban I have never gone on the train and I can’t wait to see where it goes. I will see bits of Scotland I’ve never seen before. I am SO excited and I don’t have to drive, I can relax and be chauffeured!

I got a single room in a basic hotel for £39.60… only £9.60 more than I’d spend on a campsite and I get my own bathroom! It’s right on the sea front but I will most likely not have a sea view for that price.

So that’s me for the next few days. Craig’s working and watching football tomorrow afternoon so won’t even notice I’m gone 😂 he says it’s ok… he’ll watch the dogs. I said thank you 🙏🏼😂🙄

Have a great Friday night!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1359 sleep, jog, dog walk, housework, dinner out!

Another great day in the life…. Though some random anxiety mid day… 🤷🏻‍♀️

I slept like a log last night…. Not surprising I guess after 10.7k in a kayak and all that sea air… but I did have my knee up on a big pillow at the physio’s advice. That seems to have made a difference, though tonight will be the real test as I’ve used my knee a lot today.

I went for a walk/jog/run with Rachel two doors down…. And we actually ran for most of the route, it’s so good to be back out there ~~running~~ jogging!

We did Tough Mudder together in 2022 and ran at a really similar pace. We stopped when either of us needed to and we both felt tired at different times. Neither of us actually like running, which is half the battle!

So at 10am today in the freezing cold thick frost, we gingerly set off. Baby jog steps!!

Selfie in motion!

It’s another stunningly beautiful day.

The roads were slippy!

We walked down the two slippy hills just to be on the safe side but did run most of the way.

Don’t think either of us expected that. Just plodding along at the same speed makes all the difference. We both don’t like to hold anyone up if we’re running with someone faster. It makes it less enjoyable.

So it wasn’t much, it ended up being 23 minutes but I think that’s a really good start.

It’s way more than I managed during the Christmas holidays. All in all today, 15,877 steps so far!

When I got in, I was still quite fired up so took Calaidh up the hill…..

Everything is so pretty in the frost.

Then who suddenly appeared?!? Nacho with Rachel!! He’s off to catch Calaidh!

The Garnock valley looks stunning with the the fog over Kilbirnie loch.

I came home and did housework before Criag and I took the dogs over to the field across the road. This is where my anxiety arose…..

I’m overwhelmed walking four dogs… it’s just completely above my pay grade. I imagined sooooo many things going on. I felt really anxious but instead of holding it all in, I did tell Craig. I didn’t want to spoil the walk and I knew I would if I held it all inside.

He wanted to take them down to Irvine beach park but I was worried there would be too many dogs down there.

When we were in the field I was upset by Khaleesi barking so much, which she does as she has fun…. I thought the dogs might get out the field, was worried someone else would come in the field and we shouldn’t be there. You name it… floods of anxiety.

Here’s the Scottish Dog Behaviourist sitting on a tree stump, calling a client who had some questions, while we were in the field.

The dogs had a blast!

I didn’t actually relax until we got home.

I need to do some work on that.

Here’s Leesi in her new coat. Bless her.

We decided to head to Gro Coffee in Irvine as I got vouchers from Craig’s mum and stepdad for my Christmas.

The sun was just starting to set when we arrived….not a breathe.

Love the way these flats are lit up by the sun.

You can’t book in Gro and they said it would be a 45 minute wait…. So I dragged Craig towards the sunset.

Look at the reflections! My friend Helen will be so proud of me for looking at the reflections.

TEN MINUTES later Gro called and we had to rush back!! There’s a bank of cloud running along the base of Arran so I think the actual sunset would have been stunning but we had to head back.

All of these were taken while walking very fast!!

Our food was the usual Gro standard…. Lovely! meat feast pizza, chicken tenders, halloumi fries and skin on fries.

So all in all, minus this afternoon’s anxiety, I’ve had THE best weekend.

It looks like it will be frosty and sunny most of the week. Long may it continue.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1369 torrential rain all day but I’m full of love ♥️

I mean where did that title even come from?!? I say it… I cringe but it’s actually very true.

It has not stopped raining all day. Not just a little bit… proper torrential thundering down rain. The sky is grey and pretty much, still seems dark. It never really got light today. It’s fully dark by 4pm if it wasn’t already.

Sooo… where to start…. I slept on the couch last night. Don’t worry there is nothing wrong other than Craig’s cold.

I was desperately trying to get to sleep before him last night.

I think I tried too hard.

I was almost panicking that I got to sleep before him. Nope too late, he’s off. I lay until 11.30 then came downstairs, read some of a book, and settled down by the light of the tree.

I slept from 12 until just before 7. Quite the thing. 🎄

We went to Lidl this morning TOGETHER…. to do a food shop. I could not tell you the last time we did that together. I wanted to go to Aldi but Craig said Lidl was closer. I like the fact both of those shops do more unusual food.

£125 later we head home and of course I have to clean out the fridges (we have two!) before I can put anything away. Another job done….and it feels good.

I’ll let you into a wee secret… we had a carton of Coconut Milk in the fridge that went off on 12th August!!! 😱😱😱

I am still loving the fact that the house is clean. I feel proud of living here rather than being stressed about the mess.

We watched Violent Night and had coffee with scones with cream and jam… or jam and cream?!? How do you do you do yours?!?

I tried it both ways… jam on first and cream on first. They tasted very different. I’m not sure I had a preference… they were all very good and it was far too much!

Violent Night is a great movie. VERY gory but still really Christmassy.

It’s the Scottish League Cup Final today and Rangers are playing Aberdeen and Rangers have just won the game. Craig is cheering, the dogs are barking… it’s all happening.

While he watched, I wrapped more presents and kept popping in and out to see what was going on.

My friend Anne was Mrs Claus across in the village hall this afternoon! She had already stared in the window and scared Craig as he had no idea who it was!! She popped in to say hello on the way home.

My friend Evelyn said she’d have called the polis 😂😂😂 (police!) I laughed out loud at that.

Calaidh’s been on good form today… lots of smiles 🫶🏼

Craig has his Christmas village all lit up.

Here are all my Christmas cuddly toys… Rudolph and Little Ted are my favourites!

Please ignore the mess on the dining table. This used to be our living room until we moved everything around… we still have the lights up on the ceiling. It looks super festive.

Once the football excitement is over I think we’ll have another Christmas movie.

Oh and the Aurora is likely to be visible all around the UK tonight but we’ve not seen the sky all day.

You need to be able to see the stars. Look North. Be in the dark and try to look through your camera on your phone as that’s how I saw it the last time.

Get Aurora spotting.

I only have 2.5 days of work left before the Christmas break. Woo hoo. Holidays are coming!

I may sleep on the couch again tonight. The Christmas tree lights shed a lovely light…. And you can hear a pin drop.

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎄🎄