Afraid it had to be a quickie tonight. Despite being off work, I have totally run out of day! I have Kinesiology starting in 4 minutes!

I’ve felt a bit better again today thankfully but of course, after the self created drama of the last 3 days, I am exhausted.

It looks like Craig’s car is stuck in the garage now getting the part fixed yet so I’m spending my holiday at home and I must remember how lucky I am to actually have a holiday and stop stropping about how it’s not going my way!

I took a wee trip down to Prestwick today. As Craig’s job cancelled last minute this afternoon. Had a wander round the charity shops and then down to the beach. There was nothing particular picturesque about it today.

I then drove homeward bound through Troon. It was a weeeee bit better…. only because the sun came out!

Very dark clouds….. but no rain today. Metaphorically too!

This was about as sunny as it got today.

So I was lucky enough to be invited next door for my dinner tonight, Holly was making a lovely Indian spread and it was soooo good but I had to dash home for Kinesiology at 7.30pm.

That’s me just finished just now. Lots of great stuff to process. As usual I go in like a tornado and come out like a meandering river. I won’t even try to explain it as it’s all just processing. I love Heath Kinesiology, it is impossible to explain but it sure as hell works for me!!

It’s nearly 10pm (I certainly get my moneys worth!!) and I’m ready for a great sleep. I’m calm and relaxed. Pretty zonked actually. Long may that continue.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I didn’t write a blog yesterday. I was not in the right frame of mind at all.

When I feel like this it’s catastrophic. At least that’s how I perceive it to be.

There’s a toddler inside my head throwing the biggest tantrum because things are not as perfect as I want them to be.

It feels like everything is the end of the world. Rather than letting the small things go my head blows them up into huge, monsterous, catastrophic events as if the end of days is nigh.

My lip curled upwards very slightly at that analogy so I know I’ve explained it correctly. But I will not allow a smile. I am far too grumpy to crack a smile. Unless it’s s fake one. Here’s todays face vs my genuinely beaming face from the other day.

I feel truly miserable. The tears keep burning in my eyes. The worst I have felt in a while. Like a tornado of noise and anger and frustration and negativity raging through my mind. I can’t shake it. It weighs me down.

I’m on holiday for gods sake…. I watch every flight that flies over me and there are a lot and wonder how they can afford to be on a plane. Where are they off to? Why can’t I be up there?

We knew that when I left my old job that we would be ok and get by. I don’t seem to be handling this “getting by” very well. I can’t make peace with it. Why is that? I have way more than most.

Why all of a sudden, when it’s bad, do I focus on loss and waste, mess and all the maintenance required. I’m so overwhelmed that I’m sinking into a pit of despair. I hate it here but just not enough to climb out by myself.

I took the dogs up the hill for a run and focussed on a beautiful butterfly while they ran around in the fields.

My friend Isy later posted lots of pictures of exactly the same butterfly and it’s meaning. How synchronised is that?!?

I was blown away by that.

My poor mum is on her way over for a wee day out. I’m sure that will be fun for her…. I just want to wallow in self pity.

All the work I have done, all the positivity I have created is swept aside by a few down days. I cast a spell of misery everywhere I go. (I actually laughed out loud at that… jeez how much credit do I give myself eh?!)

Mum just arrived as I burst into tears on her.

So as you can probably imagine we’ve had a lovely wee day after I dragged myself out of my wallowing.

It didn’t start well as we took a Calaidh to Mocha Jaks, a lovely coffee shop near us, and it was closed on a Monday. We were both hungry… and poor Calaidh missed out on her puppacino!

Back home for the car and headed to Auchengree Farm Shop for lunch. We sat there until about 2pm and then headed out to Largs.

We had a wander round all the charity shops and then had an ice cream from Nardinis, coconut chip and as we walked across the road to the shore, a HUGE seagull swooped down with feet either side of my head and actually touched me before I screamed and it flew off. The more I tell this story, the bigger the seagull gets. It’ll be a pterodactyl before long…. 😆

We sat in the sun for ages and took photos of the ferries and the sea. I’m calm by now. The sea always does that to me.

I’ve managed to arrange Kinesiology for tomorrow night. That always helps me figure things out.

I’ve read back what I wrote this morning and every part of me wants to delete it. I sound manic, so over the top, so ridiculous.

I’m not going to as that’s how I actually felt, as dramatic as it sounds…

Cringe. Here goes…

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Jeez…. It’s 6.14pm and it’s safe to say I have not outdone my first day of holiday. In fact I seem to have needed the day to recover from it.

I woke really early and couldn’t get back to sleep and I felt that really tired, grumpy way this morning.

It was really misty first thing but with a promise of sunshine. The mist cleared to a beautiful day. I had no plans but wasn’t willing to allow myself a day of nothing.

I actually lay down on the bed at one point this morning thinking I’d just go back to sleep to try to brighten my mood. I know that boredom breeds creativity and I am very bored. Instead of sleeping, I had a brainwave that I’d go upstairs and I opened the big window right out so that I felt like I was outside and look for positive things to do up there. It started well but ended badly.

I get totally overwhelmed with the stuff that we have amassed over the years. I feel like the house is full of things we’ve bought and no longer used. Things that I just move around the house and don’t actually get any pleasure from any more. I was also aware of windows that need replaced, decorating needing done, all the bad stuff jumped out and whapped me between the eyes.

The cost of living has sky rocketed. I’m earning a third of what I did before I went off sick. I can’t do everything I might have wanted to do before. We would have away on holiday for this week, instead I’m wandering around the house feeling angry and sad. The tears have started as I write this. It all feels so unfair. My head is thumping. I guess that time of the month is somewhere around the corner as this self pity and lethargy is not me anymore.

I’ve had a great few weeks. Been focussing on the positives and really felt properly happy and content in the present moment. Of course I’m beating myself up as I’m not sure where the negativity came from today.

I spoke to mum earlier and she said “oh dear, what’s not going your way?” And I realised that she’d hit the nail on the head. I feel like a huffy child who wasn’t getting her way.

I had gone upstairs to look at new ways of making money. I’m looking into trying to sell some of my photos and also looking at self publishing some of the blog into a book. I say that and my inner critic laughs at my ridiculous optimism.

I’ve spent a bit of time over the last few weeks, looking at getting photos onto some selling websites. I feel demoralised by the length of time that it takes to load them up and think how to allow them to come up on a search function. I feel the quality of my photos diminish with each passing minute. Who do I think I am? Why do I even remotely think they are good enough?

So instead of doing the thing that sparked excitement in me this morning, I start clearing out and moving stuff around the house again…. And get angrier by the minute. I’m avoiding the hard work because I’m scared whatever I do won’t be good enough.

I went next door to have a cuppa with Claire and I even sat in a physical slump when I was there. The sunshine annoyed me and that never happens to me! It usually brightens me from the lowest of moods.

So this afternoon I went to bed. I was in there from 2.30 to 5.30 and I reckon I slept for about 2 hours of that. I woke with a headache and the tears haven’t been far since.

I have to write this down as a bad day and take as many positives as I can from it. I have to learn from this pain. I can’t drown it with wine anymore, I have to sit with it and listen to what it’s telling me.

And use what I learn to move on from it.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’ve had THE best first day of holiday!

Like everything else I do just now this wasn’t planned and was soooo last minute but I’ve been wanting to try paddle boarding again since that first session we had when the Fit Body Farm introduced us to it.

Charlene at The Ayrshire Paddleboard Co was one of the instructors that trained us back then so I’ve followed her on FB since. Click the link above if you want to check her out!

So first things first…. I went to the Fit Body Farm at 6am, as I do!

It was dark when the alarm went off at 5am and he-who-has-been-driving-Abbie-the-camper-van in our one van family had used up all the fuel! I tried to stop at the Esso garage in Stewarton on the way there, but they had a tanker in refuelling 😱 I crossed my fingers and drove to the Farm!

It was a great session today. There weren’t many of us this morning as FBF are hosting a Hyrox event tomorrow so folk are resting in time for tomorrow. I’m not doing the Hyrox as I just didn’t feel fit enough this time but I had a great class this morning.

We were tyre flipping, mini assault coursing, weight plate pinching, pushing and pulling sleds. There were some photos taken this morning… here I am at the start of the mini assault course.

It was a good laugh but hard work out. You can see the size of the tyres in the background! They were huge and really heavy to lift. 🛞 We did each exercise for a minute before we moved around the circuit but it really sets you up for the day.

Home passed the petrol station where Kirstin, the girl I’d been working out with, was just finishing filling her car. I was stuck in a bit of a queue to get in and she shouted did I want a coffee?! How lovely, she got me a coffee just as I went in to pay!

So back home after enjoying my Costa Coffee latte all the way and ironically into the shower, despite having booked a paddle boarding beginners session for this morning . You have to shower after FBF!

So I’d seen yesterday that The Ayrshire Paddleboard Co had some cancellations for today so I messaged and booked in for the session today at 11am. I went on my own and it was lovely to see that the 3 other lovely women that joined me, were on their own too. It was a lovely wee group of like minded people.

It was a workout in itself getting in to the wetsuit but I’m so lucky I had the space in the van to stretch into it. I was knackered but glad I’d arrived half and hour early to get this done before I blew up the board 😂

Charlene supplies everything you will need. The paddle board, oar and wetsuit. The session started in the rain but hey it’s quite refreshing as you know you’re only going to get wetter.

She shows us how to inflate the board properly, another workout to get it to the correct inflation and then takes us over to the pond near the Booker Cash and Carry in Irvine.

While we’re still on dry land she shows us how to go from kneeling to standing as safely as possible and she talks us through all the potential dangers we could face.

Here we all are posing before we head out…. I’m far left. Should say these photos are all courtesy of Charlene!

The pond is an old landfill site that’s been flooded but the water is tested every year as it’s used for triathlons so they know that is good quality. I am very pleased to report I spent a lot more time ON the water than in it, this time!

Yet here we are getting acclimatised before we head out…. Theory is this makes falling in less of a shock.

The water really is pretty warm once you’re fully immersed in a wetsuit.

This next shot gives you an idea of the size of the boards.

Pretty soon we are out on the boards and getting used to paddling.

I actually managed to stay on my feet for a large part of the session today. I’m really chuffed as that was a big fear of mine the last time.

My legs were like jelly trying to balance, it gets easier the longer you stay up and then I got a wobble again, but on the whole I was a lot more stable than the last session.

The pond is beautiful as the breeze dies down and the water is flat calm at times.

I’m sure someone said let’s get our paddles up for a photo!

I went for it!!

Check me… standing AND chatting… 😂

The sky is dark and moody but soon clears to beautiful sunshine.

We even carefully paddled through some reeds at one point. I’m just out through them here.

And this… is my rear end, maybe the first and last time that will be in the blog. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

We were attempting a caterpillar to show how to help rescue someone if they had lost their oar or were unable to paddle back to safety for some reason. I’m trying to get the board behind me up on mine so the girl at the front can paddle off with us all attached!

The sun feels hot and the pond sparkles in the sun. It’s really a randomly beautiful location. I must go up there sometime and take some photos. My phone was locked away in the van!

In this next one I’m having a wee lie down as we get towed around in our caterpillar!

We stayed out for a bit longer than the 2 hour session and I had a wee float in the water at the end just because I could. As you do!

The van was lovely and warm in the sun when we got back and let the air out of the boards. Charlene even had some snacks for us, I mean come on…. That’s the icing on the cake!

I really had the best time. I’m so chuffed that I stood up for longer and really enjoyed our time on the water. I was buzzing by the time I left to drive home.

I had my second shower of the day and then had a 2 hour nap! I think I deserved it.

We’re having Chinese takeaway for dinner tonight with movies so all in all a great day.

I felt no anxiety or fear today and the coached sessions really help allay any fears you might have. Charlene is fully trained and has had to rescue some beginners in the pond who were there by themselves, over the last few months.

If you’re interested in paddle boarding I’d really recommend booking a session to learn about it before you just jump on in!

So here’s to a great weekend!

Stay safe everyone 🏄🏻‍♀️🏄🏻‍♀️🏄🏻‍♀️

Well that’s come as much of a surprise to me as it has to you! Who knew I would have this much time off?!?

I wanted a break end August, start of September, as we’ve not been off since June and I’d booked Monday and Tuesday.

At the start of the week I decided to add Wednesday just because the weather forecast was looking good…. Then someone pointed out I was only working Thursday next week and that seemed daft so I thought I’d just book that off too. So here I am, 10 days off work without even planning it! Surprise!

As Craig said that’s long enough to go abroad but hey, I have zero plans so far. Craig’s only off for the next 3 days and his car is accumulating a huge bill in the garage so we’ll be staying home this weekend.

Maybe this would be a good idea during my holiday!…. Get my S.H.I.T. together…. 😂

I feel like I got everything organised before I left but I know there will be loads that I missed. I made a few stupid mistakes again today. I’ve been much more tired today strangely, for no reason. At least I fixed the mistakes, one of them about 5 minutes after I made it 😂🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

So Craig had to come and pick me up in Abbie the camper van tonight and I had a lovely 1/2 hour massage at Harmony in Beith . Norma worked her wonders! I could sleep for Scotland now, it was so relaxing. Although a half hour is way too short.

So who knows what the next week will bring but I’m hoping for some sunshine and a continued optimism. Just living in the moment, taking each day as it comes and enjoying it to the max.

Stay safe everyone ♥️🥰♥️

We had a workout in the rain at the Fit Body Farm this morning! It was POURING!!

We did barbell weight training inside and running around the garden in the rain in between. It’s actually lovely running around in the rain once you get going… I know, I hear myself?!? What has actually happened to me??!

Craig had to wait until I’d had my shower to drop me off at Tartan HQ so that he had Abbie the camper van for work today. I drove Ailsa the Tartan Camper home tonight and Craig will pick me up from work tomorrow night. All very technical being this one van family malarkey.

I had a good day at work today. I felt happy, I felt calm and I feel like I am living in the moment. I’m not worried about what is going to happen next and I’m not worrying about what’s just happened. Just thinking about what I am doing here and now. This is what I’ve dreamed of.

The days seem to go on for ever, in a good way. I don’t feel rushed, I feel like I have plenty of time for everything. I’ve done a lot this week that I don’t usually do but that’s ok. I have the time.

I’m not sure how this has clicked with me but I’m very pleased that it has…. For now anyway.

Now don’t get me wrong, I made mistakes today, said a few stupid things, cut calls off by mistake and was genuinely a little bit cookie or crazy but I did laugh it off and try to rectify it all as quickly as I could. I also didn’t beat myself up for my mistakes like I used to do.

I did have a giggle this morning, I got a lovely message from Aileen about last night…. I wouldn’t normally share a personal message but you’ll see why….

It was soooooooooo good to see you too!!! The lasagna was fab. You were the perfect hostess. The puppers were cuddly. Your house is gorgeous. AND you look amazing!! You might not feel it all the time Jules but you look really chilled and happy – and it’s so good to see. Love to you & Craig xx

Isn’t that lovely of her. The part that made me laugh was it’s as if she knew exactly how I was feeling inside. She reads the blog to be fair, so she probably does…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😆

Oh jeez is the lasagne going to be hot enough, did I dry it out when I heated it back up, should I have bought more garlic bread? That wasn’t really enough. What do I offer them to drink? Jeez I forgot to see if they needed a top up, am I talking too much, I feel like it’s all about me. Wish Freya would stop trying to herd everyone, the dogs are in the way, I’d better shut them in the kitchen so they don’t bother anyone. The house is a mess, that wall needs repainted, I should have dusted more, I wish I’d cleaned the fireplace, did I clean the sink in the bathroom? Why did I only put a tshirt on? Aileen looks amazing in her lovely top, I should have made more of an effort…. And I really did just ribbit away all night like a chatterbox, why did I say all that?!?!

I think it’s safe to say she knew fine well that all of that was going on in my head. It was sooooo lovely to see her and to get that message this morning. ♥️

Also found this photo of myself from 2 years ago when I was still off sick with anxiety and depression.

Versus me today.

It’s nice to appreciate my progress. I’m still nowhere near my old size 12 but hey… I’m way more content with my body image now than I have been for a long, long time.

So I’ve been to one of my neighbours tonight to submit the village hall accounts to the Office of the Scottish Charity Regulator. we weren’t able to do that tonight but the accounts are all officially signed off so we’re good to organise a AGM.

Now I’m getting ready for crochet and a good natter with the Crochet Hookers.

Another good day!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’ve got loads of very thoughtful and positive memes to share today.

We’ve just had one of those days where plans had to be rearranged at the last minute as things didn’t go quite as planned…. But I’ll get to that.

A funny thought to start with…. I drive through a wee village called Drybridge to get to work. It has a humped back bridge that goes over the railway and despite having a large river run into it, there’s no need for a bridge over the river as it’s a huge u shape… hence the name Drybridge. Jeez that was a long, dull story!!

So this morning when I approach the traffic lights on the bridge I saw a brush sticking up over the other side. It made me smile… as it seemed pretty random…. simple things eh?!? Tonight when I left… heading the other way… the same, or another brush stuck up on the back of a truck. What are the chances?!?

Anyway…. I’ve had a good day at work, busy, focussed…. But Craig’s car is in the garage for an ABS fault and the part has to be sent away to be reconditioned. It might take 5 days!! So we’re back to a one van family for the short term! I had to dash home from work to let Craig get out to work. I had to rearrange my plans to meet my friend tonight. We had finally arranged to meet in Gro Coffee in Irvine for the first time in ages….

So now…. Aileen is winging her way to my house instead, with her daughter Kirsty, and Craig has rustled up a vegan lasagne, (K is vegan) he’s a good lad!

I’ve had to run round like a maddie since I got home to try and bring the house up to presentable.

I definitely stressed at all of that and yet sitting here now, I’m as cool as a cucumber.

Oh in between all that I realised the home insurance was due up tonight and renewal was extortionate so we had to sort that between us before Craig left. He cancelled the old one while I found a new one. Been meaning to do that for AGES….. obviously!

I’m also not an entertainer…. I have realised this on my journey through life…. It brings a level of anxiety as I have to be on my game. I rarely feel in control enough to be on my game. I can write this because Aileen will totally understand. She’s one of my oldest friends… in years… not age 😆😘🥰 we don’t see much of each other these days but I always know that she’s there and I hope that she knows that about me too. We always enjoy each other’s company so much and will say after this that we should do it way more often. Yet life catches up with us.

So we deserve a round of applause for getting our shit together enough to organise tonight!! Craig deserves a HUGE round of applause for coming to the rescue with vegan lasagne!

It’s 9.30pm and I have had the loveliest evening.

The lasagne was great! We had vegan desserts from the Co-op and Nosecco.

It was so good to see them both and have a good catch up. Kirsty heads off to Australia next week for a year and I’m so pleased that she’s doing that. It’s such an amazing experience and one that she will remember for the rest of her life.

It just shows you that you don’t need to see people often to know that they are there and appreciate them being a part of your life.

I managed to smash my lovely engraved “Julie” Nosecco glass (its a champagne flute style but it feels wrong for me to call it that….😆) while I was tidying up but hey… that’s just life keeping me grounded. Dammit.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

After the noise of the wind yesterday, it was lovely and calm last night.

The sky was lovely after the sun went down.

There were loads of midgies around last night. We had to light our Smokin Midge last night.

This is really good! Super basic but seems to do the job. It’s just a wee tin with holes in it and Clava cones which you light up and smoke the wee b’s out!!! I just ordered some more cones for the next time we are away.

I see questions on lots of Scottish travel pages asking what the midges are like.

Lots of folk get really terrified of them but we have been really lucky and rarely get bothered by them.

So this little baby slept with me last night. I had to move her to get into bed!

I woke up to this…. It’s so calm and just truly beautiful.

The dogs leads hanging from the wing mirror look really pretty. They are very rarely fanned out like that and usually in a total tangle 😆

A lovely set up!

How funny that I should see this today…. That wind was really talking to me yesterday and winding me up something chronic!

I loved the silence after the noise of the wind…… and this next one….. I’ve seen so much since I stopped working my ass off and I started looking around.

I really am learning to live for the moment, in the moment and appreciate everything for what it is. This moment… right now… is life.

It’s not the stuff we buy, the clothes we wear….

It’s not the job we hold or the amount of money we have.

It’s how we choose to live our lives and the memories that we make.

It’s the memories that we take with us.

We only get one shot at this so…. do you. Do what works for you. Do what makes you happy and think outside the rat race. Think outside of stuff.

I never had any boundaries and now I have so many I’ve almost built walls around me…. But that’s what works for me. It’s what keeps me happy.

We were home by 11.30am, lucky that beautiful campsite is so close to home.

Abbie is all hoovered and cleaned out. I love that bit too and will be all chuffed when I got out to the Farm at 5.30am tomorrow and she’s all tidy and smelling lovely.

And then I showered and then collapsed in a heap on the couch for a few hours and had the best nap. It’s been a while but I musta needed it!

Here’s to having a lovely week and appreciating every minute of every day.

The pups have been great this weekend but they are very happy to be home.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

The rain was torrential overnight last night. We were forecast to get 15mm and considering I’m already parked in a puddle, I did go to bed a wee bit anxious 😬

Thankfully my body didn’t listen to my head and I was out for the count until 8am. I heard the rain on and off but managed to keep falling back to sleep. Was super comfy!

I only stayed up until 10pm as I couldn’t stop yawning after a busy day of doing precious little!

We had croissants and coffee for breakfast.

Then headed across to Milarrochy Bay for a dog walk. It’s a beautiful morning and the forecast is for sun all day. Its really windy though!

I was going for a photo of the stones with the mountains when it was dive bombed by a passing Freya! I caught it perfectly.

The burns are all swollen from last nights rain.

The famous tree I got at sunset the other night.

Loved this next shot though they are all a bit far away. This was a beautiful beach and we spent some time letting them play around here.

Here come the girls….

The Loch is so inviting. I’d love to do cold water swimming sometime. Just not enough to actually get in the water and get cold! I’m sure it will be my next thing though!

There’s a lovely heat to the sun.

The dogs had a blast. Freya never actually goes in the water, just runs around like a maddie while the others do!

Leave no trace! It’s sad to see the amount of bottles that are left lying around after someone’s night out. Would have cleared it up if I’d had bags with us. This next pic shows where we were and now gone!

The walk back to the campsite.

Love the rock formation heading into the water.

There are loads of trees with exposed roots around here.

So I am now sitting here writing this. I wish I could say it was peaceful but the wind is blawin’ a hoolie.

The noise is raising my anxiety levels. Calaidh keeps barking and trying to get down to the water, she keeps tangling round my seat. Then she got hold of a bramble branch, covered in thorns and proceeded to chew it cutting her gums and then wouldn’t let it go… for me, that is… truth be told my anxiety takes over and I don’t even think that a small piece of food would change her focus. Only get carried away by the drama of her cutting the inside of her mouth…. I’m not going inside the van as Craig is watching the football and the noise of that has the same effect as the wind at times. I’ve been so calm this time and yet I feel myself getting properly wound up. By noise. Go figure.

I know it sounds ridiculous but I swear it’s a thing.

I’ve actually just put my hood up and that has helped a wee bit. I also put Calaidh and Freya in the tent for a bit to have a sleep. I know I need to calm down.

I almost had a nap with my hood up, it really did help. Thankfully the wind has died down to a gentle breeze and I’m back down to earth again.

I am usually very stressed camping with the 3 dogs and worry about every eventuality. I’ve not felt like that this time as I have done some work on it through Health Kinesiology. I’m not sitting here with dread that the worst case scenario might happen and that feels really good. Yet with every small gain something else rears it’s head that needs some working on. I still don’t like not being fully in control of everything I do. When I’m on my own I can control that. When you have 3 wet, muddy dogs, things aren’t always as perfect as I might want them to be. I know that dirty things will clean but the noise of the wind just blew it all out of proportion for me.

This makes me smile though…. Craig’s away to the toilet block. They have not moved since he left.

I like this waiting game we are playing.

I am crocheting.

I am calm.

Just created a few hours of drama to get to this stage.

Happy Saturday!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I must start by saying I did not have a meeting in the village hall last night…. Everyone who is more grown up than me and actually keeps a diary, knew it was Monday 5th September. She who just can’t seem to do that really needs to take a leaf out of their book. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I knew the minute I issued the blog…. But hey…

So I use Google Calendar for reminders but it was so cluttered with info that I couldn’t see what was actually in it! I can see Craig’s work calendar and I also had my work logged in it… like I didn’t know I was meant to be there 4 days a week from 8-4 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I’ve cleared it all out and just left the things I need to see.

So who knows if it will make a difference but I already know I’ve two things after work next week…. I mean check me, that’s progress 😆

So back to my day…. I should start by saying I’ve been a bit bored by the mundane recently. I must say that this is in no way a slight on anyone or anything in my life but I don’t drink so there’s no “ahhhhh that’s better moments” and I’m not stuffing my face full of sweets anymore so I don’t get any excitement from that… I’ve just been a bit meh with the day to day.

I wasn’t looking forward to my day today and so did a meditation before work and I tried really hard to focus on the positives and things to be grateful for and found myself with a spring in my step.

I found lots of great positive things on FB today too. I feel like I’m manifesting lots of good thoughts if that’s possible?

This time 4 years ago my world was unravelling.

I was pretty much in tears all day at work back then. My careful spinning of a million plates was coming to an end. My incessant people pleasing was finally taking its toll. In a few weeks time I would head into work on that Monday morning, 3rd September 2018 and start to cry and never be able to stop. I would drive home around midday unable to see the road in front of me and that was the start of my sick leave.

When I think back to that time I remember just how afraid I was… of absolutely everything.

I was living my life on the edge, I was exhausted, I felt like I was failing everyone around me…. Oooh that brought the tears….

It’s painful but important for me to see how far I have come. I felt I was letting everyone down, I could no longer be everything to everyone. I couldn’t keep anyone happy anymore and it felt like my whole life was falling apart before my eyes.

I was slowly slipping into the most terrifying phase of my life so far.

And look at me now (never start a sentence with “and”…. let alone a paragraph!!) I might be at the other extreme where I put myself before everything else. There may need to be some happy medium. 😆

I have learned how important it is for me to relax, to take time out and to make decisions that protect my mental health. I have to stay away from drama at all costs!!

So yeah, it’s been a lovely day. Chatted to lots of lovely customers at work, enjoyed the other work that I did and feel really grateful for such a good day.

This is a perfect example of my manifesting things today…. I was listening to an old “Julie” mix on Spotify and every song really hit me in the gut. The swell of emotion with each turn, the memories stirred, my life flashed before my eyes in that one playlist…. And then I see this!

I have always envied people who could listen to music all the time…. I can’t always take the emotions that music stirs up for me.

So who knows what’s next in my journey…. Jeez, I’m very philosophical tonight.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Ok so this is definitely Scottish summer…. All plans go out the window as we rush outside in case it’s the last sunshine we see this year. It’s been 25°C here which doesn’t happen very often.

And yes I have been known to do an ironing in the back garden before… just because it was sunny!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😂

So we’ve been out in the garden since about 8am. We started by tackling the weeds that have taken over the world this year. I guess it means that we haven’t stayed on top of them as we should.

I also moved some plants… maybe not the best move but hey we couldn’t see them where they were anyway!

I then spent most of the day pressure washing the grass….. we are very lucky not to have the quagmire that we used to have when we had real grass but now have to wash the artificial grass. With three dogs, winter played havoc without beautiful lawn and the dogs were trawling mud through the house ever time it rained. This shows how bad out grass got….

And today before cleaning….

And after!!

It’s like we hoovered the garden and it feels great. So many weeds in the bin and so much garden rubbish tidied up.

By 2pm we were both pretty narky and in need of food but it was a job well done.

This weekend has been wonderful. The hot weather has made it feel like a real holiday and a break from work. When you stop waiting for the next best thing to come and start appreciating every day for what it is, then life feels so much better.

The girls have been warned…. No mess on my clean grass!!!

I did knock one of my lovely roses off the rose bush… such a shame but it looks beautiful in this bud vase.

Oh and the bed is stripped and washed and another two washing loads done! You know you’re getting older when a sunny day means a good washing day.

So here’s to a great week. Let’s try and break the cycle of thinking Monday to Wednesday are the drudge and appreciate them for what they are… I might need to remind myself of that 😂😂

Stay safe everyone ☀️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿☀️

I am having the most amazing time!

Last nights sunset was amazing and I took a trillion photos. My favourite was catching the setting sun in the old fashioned lamp on the campsite.

I was really chuffed with that.

I took my deckchair down to the water and soaked up every minute of the quiet setting sun. I didn’t even read my book, there was too much to see!

I met a lovely lady who loved the campsite so much that her and her husband sold up and moved into a static van. She told me that there were Alpacas and baby goats on the campsite too…. Why wouldn’t there be so I took a dusk walk to have a nosey around the site and find them.

Some of the static vans look a bit shanty town like but the majority are beautifully kept. I found a whole menagerie of animals including the cutest black cat!

The sunset continued to wow.

And then the last super moon of 2022 started to rise.

Have to say that I didn’t sleep that well…. There’s a lot of traffic noise from the road and I was a bit cold from 3am so I got the blankets out, ear plugs in and slept until 7.20am. It’s another beautiful day.

I headed up to the shower block which aren’t the best but did the job… then hit the road to Portpatrick.

This is my neighbour, Claire’s, favourite place ever and it did not disappoint.

It’s a beautiful harbour village. It was a lovely drive to get here too.

I’m sitting here writing this just now.

I took a lovely walk through the village. The breeze is lovely and cool and when it stops it’s pretty damn hot for Scotland!

WordPress is struggling so I guess I’m making the blog too big too fast so I’ll write a second blog for the rest of the day. 🤦🏻‍♀️♥️😂

Stay safe everyone ☀️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿☀️

Well this is a bit of a surprise. Even I didn’t know where I might end up tonight. I only decided last night that I might come away for a few nights as Craig is working Friday and Saturday.

So if I’m honest, I’m here by default. I’m in Ryanbay Holiday Park just on the outskirts of Stranraer in Dumfries and Galloway.

I looked all over within a 4 hour drive of the house and this is only 1.5 hours away from work and is the only site I could see that was near the sea.

It’s also not cheap…. At £33 a night!! I could have done without that but I’m not ready to solo camp in a lay-by at the side of the road. There were so many on the way down but I think I’d be scared.

I have to say that really this isn’t much different as I am right on the main road into Stranraer but it just feels different on a paying site.

It’s been a scorching hot day at work and I was counting the hours until I could get away. I’d been watching the weather and knew it was going to be lovely and wanted to take the day off but I’m some kind of crazy martyr to the cause and couldn’t ask for a day off at such short notice. So I sit and champ at the bit instead!! To be fair I got loads done so it was productive and yes I know I am weird!

So 4pm and give Abbie the camper van a quick wash before I set off. I hate sitting next to a dirty van 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 (jeez I really have so many weird and wonderful rules that I love by eh?!?)

The drive down is just breathtaking.

This is a beautiful road that skirts the south west coast of Scotland most of the way down. The sea is like a millpond. It’s misty on the horizon with the islands and land in the distance, rising out of the heat haze.

To give you a better perspective…

The first half hour is excruciatingly hot. The van registers 33.6°C inside. I’m chatting to Craig on the phone so need to have the windows up to have any chance of hearing him. I’m melting. He says that he guesses my aircon really isn’t working then. I say nah…. It needs a new condenser, it doesn’t blow cold but hey I’ll try it one more time….

And lo and behold, the gods are on my side. It slowly starts to being the internal temperature down!!! Who knew…. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😂 Abbie is a 2009 registered van so it’s not a super chill by any manner of means, but it slowly gets me back to a gentle perspiration rather than a full on sweat!

The campsite is situated just south of the port of Cairnryan where the Belfast and Larne ferries run from, and just a mile or so out of the town of Stranraer. I’m really only hear for one full day so need to decide what where best to investigate tomorrow.

The campsite is a holiday park with static vans. The touring area is set behind 2 staggered rows of static caravans with little view of the sea. Reception is pretty and the site is very clean…. And the campsite is VERY quiet.

Again I offer up a quick thank you to the Universe for giving me some silence!

I can hardly hear a thing apart from the traffic behind me and even that is sporadic. We live on a main road anyway so I’m used to it.

The first pitch I find has only one static van in front of it…. With an empty space where the second one should be and I can see the sea.

You should see the speed with which I get moving on dinner.

I brought food from the house and quickly rustle up some pork steaks with a giant mushroom filled with cream cheese and fried spring onions. I think it’s safe to say I would never have bothered to make that back home!!

I wolfed it down! Then I went for a walk…..

It’s not a pretty beach but the tide is quite far out. It’s a beautiful sky though.

Looking up to Cairnryan, both Larne and Belfast ferries are docked.

This is the view over to Stranraer.

It’s beautiful. There’s a lovely breeze too.

I had my eye on another pitch so I went to check it out. It’s much more private though closer to the road but I decide to move.

It’s a bit more rickety and at an angle but the view is out of this world….

And relax……

I’m trying out this new Coke Zero I found ages ago that’s been in the fridge and I never drank it… watermelon and strawberry flavour. It’s lovely.

So cheers to the weekend folks.

It’s 8.10pm and the sun is about to disappear behind a mobile home 🤦🏻‍♀️ I am going to shimmy to the left a bit to watch the real sunset then get an early night!

I have shimmied to the left a bit…

Stay safe everyone ☀️🚐☀️