Yay no tears today, things are looking up!

I didn’t sleep well last night, was awake at 3am then 5.30am and didn’t sleep much before the alarm went off at 6.30am.

Yesterday was such a strange day…. Mourning for someone you never knew, regaled by all the pomp and circumstance of such a historical event.

We don’t live like that any more, it must have cost a fortune. I know many people are upset by that but I was over-awed by the ceremony of it all. I think I felt very proud but slightly embarrassed by some of it at the same time. I’m still very glad I watched it.

So the end of an era, however, like every other day the sun still sets and rises on a new day.

It was a really busy day at work. At one point I was trying to juggle two customers at once without letting them think they were being juggled!! Then as soon as I got sat down and everyone else finished at 3pm, the phone rang off the hook until 4 😂 it’s good to be busy!

I got home and we made dinner. Fish and cheesy broccoli… I need more greens! I feel really bloated and sluggish eating all this bread, cake, pizza and pasta.

So tonight I went to an exercise class in the village hall, about 20 steps across the road from my house. My friend Gayle recommended it as the girl who takes it is so lovely and super infectious, you can’t help but smile all the way through.

It was a slow stretching start, to low impact aerobic and just up to high impact when she took it down to some yoga stretching at the end.

I loved it! I loved that I could keep up with the aerobic part but I have so much work to do on the core strength. It’s been a long time since I did any yoga type core work and I have a lot more boob and belly than I did the last time I did it. 😬 Hugging my knees right in was no mean feat!! I had to try and find somewhere to move the belly….. ot has to go!

I’ve had a shower and I’m buzzing. Home just in time to head to bed and get up in 9 hours and head to the Fit Body Farm! Who the hell am I?

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

There’s an lovely silence in our streets today as most have us have been given the day off for the Queen’s funeral. It’s a reminder of life during COVID when everyone stayed home.

I got up at 5am for the Fit Body Farm and it was surprisingly busy. It was a good, fun workout this morning, in teams, which always means you work a wee bit harder than normal.

I started watching the BBC at 9.30am and it’s 1pm and I’m still sitting here. What a moment in history.

It proudly starts with matching pipe bands from all around the world. I should say that all photos are courtesy of the BBC, photographed from the TV.

I just think this is so special. They march in their pipe band vertically (if that makes sense) so you see all the different bands from the front. Wow.

The Queen’s coffin sits on a 123 year old gun carriage and is pulled by 98 Royal Navy Sailors with a further 40 Sailors marching behind to act as the brake.

The tradition was started after Queen Victoria’s funeral in 1901 where some horses were spooked and almost toppled her carriage. I thought that was fascinating. The carriage was set aside in 1901 and was used for her Father’s funeral… King George VI.

The procession assembled at the Palace of Westminster where the coffin has been as the Queen lay in State for the last 4 days and was moved to the gun carriage.

King Charles III apparently had a say in the flowers that were chosen for the top of then coffin. They are lovely.

The Queen is then taken to Westminster Abbey for her state funeral.

It was a very dramatic, religious service. Very moving and I’m sure the Queen would have loved it. I used to be in a church choir and I’ve sung most of those hymns and anthems before so it’s a huge trip down memory lane for me.

There wasn’t a single foot put wrong all day. The choreography of the day was amazing to someone who hadn’t watched any of this kind of thing before.

After the service they had a mile long funeral procession. Solemn but not gloomy as many people clapped for her life of service and achievement. I can’t believe that so many members of the Royal Family walked behind her coffin all of that way. I doubt the King and his family have ever been able to walk the streets like that before.

Here she is passing the Senotaph where she attended Remembrance Sunday so many times.

Passing Buckingham Palace for the very last time. So many occasions she spent up on that balcony over most of her life.

Finally passing through Marble Arch.

And finally being transferred from the carriage to the car to be taken back home to Windsor Castle where she will be interred in St George’s Chapel.

I’ve been so affected by the death of our Queen. Ive found it really sad and really loving. I

’ve spoken to so many people who start the conversation with “I’m not a Royalist, but……” I couldn’t agree more.

I said before, the Queen gave us a respect in the world that I fear we might not see again. It is time for change. Let’s see what that holds.

Stay safe everyone 👑👑👑

Thankfully some respite from the noise in my head today. Nothing has fundamentally changed but my head has stopped screaming at me that the end of the world is nigh. Honest to god, what a drama…. 🫣

I’m not sure I can explain how bad it feels when I’m in it. It’s honestly like there is no hope…..There’s no way out. it’s very loud, very uncomfortable, actually quite painful and overwhelming.

Like it’s the end of the world and and there’s no middle ground.

I just have to sit in it and feel it all. I can’t drown it in drink like I used to….. though I did smother it in chocolate yesterday. 🤭

And sure enough it doesn’t go away until I learn the lesson from it.

It is easier in my head to forget everything and run. I need to resolve to reject harmful energies and draw a deep line in the sand between me and what no longer serves me. I need to work at breaking all the old habits and patterns that don’t do me any good.

And that takes time.

Today is the first day in 9 days that I’ve not been in tears at some point during the day… usually at the most inopportune time. I tried to hide it from everyone. I didn’t do a great job of that.

I tried breathing exercises…. Breathe in for 3, hold for 4 and out for 5 but I couldn’t do it. I could only manage to breathe in for one, hold for one and out for almost 2 at a push. It’s been like that for days. (I should say even that is still better than nothing but at Kinesiology on Thursday she asked me to breathe out for 7!! That was just not happening!)

So, thankfully and unsurprisingly, it would appear it’s not the end of the world just yet 🥴

I do find that these “mountains” that are out in my way seem harder to climb, they seem so much bigger than anything in the past and yet I always get over them and look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.

My friend Ruth always says We have survived 100% of days so far and will continue to do so. Wise words!

So today has been filled with dog walks. First, the usual one!

Uh oh what’s wrong with this next picture?!?! A retriever?!?

I walked handsome Mucky pup for our neighbours! He’s a big boy but a “walk in the park” after walking 3 at once.

We had a wee play in the garden.

I’ve spent the rest of the day relaxing… I know, I’ve done a lot of that these last few days but it’s such a relief just to have silence and to be able to breathe.

Sat outside and threw balls for the pups!

We have the day off in the UK for the Queen’s funeral tomorrow so no need to rush to bed early tonight… oh that’s unless we do the 6am Fit Body Farm of course.

I’ve eaten shockingly this last week. My nighttime weight loss meditations have gone out the window. Normal service must be resumed again soon!

The fire and candles are lit. I was going to go to the sea for sunset tonight but I’m too tired.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Ok so I’m still a misery guts. The noise in my head is incessant so other than dog walk, I’ve taken the day off. (I had the day off anyway but I’ve taken the day off to actually do nothing….. I’ve sat and journaled old school stylee with pen and paper to try and dump some of the noise rumbling round in my head. I’ve cried. Yeah there I go again. The tears have never been very far away this whole week.

We had a nice wee evening last night while we made pizza dough in the bread maker and then made pizzas and a nice morning having coffee before Craig went to work.

But…. Never start a sentence with but…. I felt very off. Very out of sorts.

I had pains in my stomach this morning which felt like bad stomach cramps but was most likely trapped wind. 😬 guess that’s a by product of eating cake, bread and pizza. 🤦🏻‍♀️ it passed after an hour or so. My jaw is clenched and my head is sore. I just need to ride it out and listen to what it’s telling me.

I took the pups out at 10 for a walk and it’s a nice day though cool again. The sun looks huge in this photo but it’s fighting the clouds all day.

Freya always knows when the camera is coming out!!

Poop scoop when I came home then sat in the garden journaling while the working tennis balls for these 3. I love this next photo! (Where is my mother in law when I need her?!? Throw the ball Gran?!!!)

So today’s excitement was Graeme next door cutting down a tree that had grown out of control.

Over the years it had blocked so much light into our sun room….. saying nothing of the 6ft fence we had to install as a result of the previous neighbours’ kid inviting a Bhruic over the 3ft fence at the time and then his dad complaining that angry was always in their garden…. It blocks out a lot of light and took a big strip of our land. (Ooooh check the bitter tone from she who normally breathes sweetness and light… and distinct lack of punctuation!)

Keep an eye on the tree in these shots as it disappears!

Bhru had so much fun running around and now she’s saying “where d’it go?!?”

The bushes need a good trim too but I’ll wait until Craig’s back and that can be a tomorrow job.

So he’s at Ibrox this afternoon, home of Rangers FC, as he got the chance of someone’s season ticket to go to the game. It’s been so nice to see him looking forward to something as we don’t do much these days.

He went to find his brick on the wall!

And this is where he’s sitting!

They’ve had a shocking run these last few games that I hope this is a good outcome for him.

Meanwhile I’ve been having a nap in Grans chair, under Grans’s crocheted blanket, with the wood burning stove on in our newly re-sunned sun room! I woke up with the reddest face! 🥵

This next one made me laugh out loud…. It’s so true!

So in other news…… I’m gonna share something that I can’t un- hear so I feel everyone else needs to share my horror. Ever seems this before….

Wee black spots that appear from time to time?!?! Always wondered what they were…… I saw on Mrs Hinch cleaning FB page…. Spider poop 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

So not only do I have 3 dogs and a husband to clean up after, I now have to deal with this as well?!? How many times have I scraped at these with a nail wondering what they were or why they were there?!??!!

So I have spent a good half hour today eradicating the spider poop from my home. Yuck, yuck, yuck…… see there is still some humour in the old girl yet.

That’s got to be a good sign.

The noise is quiet for now. Thank the Lord.

Have a great Saturday night and….. I do apologise for the above if you didn’t already know….. 😬

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Ok so not gonna lie….. the mood is low this weather. Didn’t write yesterdays blog as I figured no-one would interested in what little I had to say.

But here I am today. I’ve had a nice wee day off work.

It started with the dentist…. 🦷 For the first time in over 3 years.

We obviously haven’t been able to go the dentist due to COVID-19 and I had to wear a mask today which actually felt quite strange.

I look a bit spooky with my off centre blue halo too. 😂

You wear the mask until you get onto the chair and then take it off. They also made me use hand gel so they’re being very careful.

I had a check up, two x-rays and a clean and polish, all in under 15 minutes! Of course, I’ve not been able to keep my tongue off my bottom front teeth ALL day …. They feel sharp edged and so different!

I popped in to see my friend Gayle at the little gift shop in Beith and had a lovely chat. It was so good to catch up. She’s recommended a good exercise class for me to try that actually in the village hall so I might just try that.

Back home and I did some housework until Claire messaged to say she was heading to B&M Stores if I fancied the trip? I did!

We ended up in Irvine and went to Gro Coffee but it was heaving so walked down the road to Small Talk.

It’s a lovely wee place! Check out her lovely smile!

I had that lovely peppermint slice.

Claire’s just back from New York so it was great to have a catch up. It feels like ages since we’ve had a wee day out. 💜

Check this new feature I’ve found on WordPress…… insert Gallery…. Oooooooh!!

It’s a lovely day but a real cool breeze in the shade. It really feels like autumn is coming. It’s the first time I’ve felt cold in ages. I had to put the heating on last night. 😳😱

We then headed into Irvine and went to the shops for a wander. It feels like ages since I’ve been shopping. I bought deodorant, toothpaste, kitchen roll and crisps. Check me. Mrs life in the fast lane. 😂

I took the dogs out when I got back. The sky looks lovely.

They’re great on the lead for me again. I’m proud of them and the gallery function 😂😂😂

That last photo they all want to go into that field. Please mum, can we?!?

So yeah…. I need a wee spring in my step but I’ll find it again. I also need to keep my tongue off the back of my teeth as my tongue hurts now!!

Happy weekend to you all!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Well who knew this was a thing?!?

It’s a good time to give a quick update on my sober count. It’s also nice that it’s a round number today too.

1,350 days since I started my sober journey. 2 slips where I drank but other than that nada….. diddly squat…. just sitting through all my raw emotion and having to handle it head on without any way of dulling it.

That’s huge.

If you’d told me that 4 years ago I would have NEVER believed you. I would have scoffed big time. I was nervous of non drinkers, didn’t trust them as they made me question my own drinking. It was easier to think they were the weird ones.

Yet here I am.

Sobriety is not always an easy path… hey I put on 4 stone by eating everything in sight to try and compensate for it.

I slipped into a deep depression and had to negotiate my way through it but I’m so proud that I’ve done all of that without drowning it in wine.

There are days when I still think I’m missing out. I feel jealous of the holiday drink pics, the airport drink pics, the party drink pics, the I’ve had a hard day I deserve this drink pics….. Then I wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed, without the dreaded hangover and realise I’m on the right path for me just now. I see a whole new world out there that is not dictated by where and when my next glass of wine is coming from. I’m no longer under its control and constant spell.

I know to some of you it’s weird but it’s the new me.

I should also say that apparently I’ve saved £10,400 by stopping drinking so if someone knows where that is then please let me know?? I’m lucky if I can find 10p at the moment.

Here endeth. 😆😘

In other news….. Well this is gonna take a bit of getting used to….. crochet is meeting from 6-8 now instead of 7-9 and it feels really strange.

I obviously LOVE the idea of heading home for 8 pm as it means I can get an early night but it just feels really strange.

I was late away from work tonight and by the time I was home and had dinner I was already late for crochet!!

The pub is closing at 8pm now so this is our new normal and I’m sure we’ll get used to it. As I settle into bed with the electric blanket on, Craig is watching the Champions League football….. I am very glad of it. Early night for me after a great catch up and crochet!

Stay safe everyone 🧶🧶🧶

I had the best sleep last night. Out for the count. No wonder after the 2.30am the day before.

So I’ve nothing much to say today….

It was very busy at work. Lots of folk coming and going and the day passed really quickly. I worked on a bit too as one of the guys at work very kindly agreed to fix the Camper van headlights so they are now working again! Some good news!

I am sooooo grateful!

Craigie had dinner ready for me coming in which was lovely, so I had dinner then walked the dogs.

It’s been a beautiful day today. Really hot at times. I’ve not seen much of it so it was lovely to get some fresh air and sunshine tonight.

They’re walking really well for me on the lead just now. Long may that continue!

Stay safe everyone ☀️☀️☀️

I am shattered today. I woke at 2.30am and only really dozed on and off until the 5am alarm. I felt like crying when it did.

I fought with myself for 10 minutes….. then cancelled the Farm. I knew I’d feel better if I went and exercised but I had the whole, no headlight thing to deal with in the van so I just couldn’t face it.

I did manage to get back to sleep until 6.45am so that was something. Then ended up almost being late for work.

I’ve been really tired and tearful all day.

The Queen has been moved to St Giles Cathedral in Edinburgh and is lying at rest for 24 hours.

Mum and Dad were in Edinburgh today near St Giles Cathedral so I hope they managed to see some of the procession. I would have loved to have gone to Edinburgh today but I’ve been emotional enough 🤦🏻‍♀️😆

I took the dogs out after work and the clouds were so dark that I only got half way round the route. We just made it home before it started to rain.

So nothing else from me tonight. Except this next one….

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜

I want to start by talking about the Queen’s travel through Scotland today because it’s taken up so much of my day.

Her coffin left Balmoral Castle this morning and is making its way through our lovely country on its way to Holyrood Palace in Edinburgh.

The trip is due to take 6 hours and you’ll see from my Google maps that it should only take about 2 and a half. It looks like it will take even longer than that as they are currently south of Perth.

Here they are leaving Balmoral which must have been a very sad event for the people that live around there. The Queen leaving Balmoral for the very last time.

They accept that the Queen lives there in the summer and comes and goes more normally than she would be able to do in London.

I’m so emotional about it. It’s so poignant. I keep crying but can’t stop watching. I am blown away by the amount of people lining the sides of the roads and the amount of cars slowing or stopping on the other side of the road.

These farmers near Banchory in Aberdeenshire lined the fields beside the road in tribute.

This feels like such a historical moment that I don’t want to miss any of it and yet I’m not sure the focus on it is that good for me. (😂😂 there I go again!!)

The pageantry of the Proclamations of King Charles III, as King, by all 4 countries of the United Kingdom have also happened today.

I have been more Royal today than I have ever been….. I don’t think I’ve felt this affected by something Royal since Prince Charles married Diana….. and that was some time ago!!!

Honestly, I think it’s the reminder of my own grandparents, particularly Gran who would have followed all of this.

Anyway…. In other news, I had a lovely night away and was lucky enough to have a lovely sunset down on the beach. It amazes me that there’s a whole campsite of people and I seemed to be the only one who seemed to go down and sit and watch the sunset.

I sat here for a while and watched this wee guy!

The Isle Of Arran in the setting sun.

It was beautiful. So peaceful, so quiet, not a soul, just me. I sat for a while, wandered for a while and just kept looking for the best shot. It was a really special time.

And then the seagulls decided to move…. And boy there were millions of them.

If I could include video, then I would! It was quite apocalyptic when they all decided to fly over me at once. Go check out my Instagram page as I posted it there! Sooo loud!

I left my painted stone on the path to the beach….

So that some other lovely person can appreciate it. I was randomly sad leaving it as it’s been on our hallway for a good few weeks now!

I got up at 7am and headed out for sunrise this morning. It was equally beautiful.

Again, so beautiful….. but not silent int he slightest. This is at the end of the Prestwick Airport runway…. The noise as a plane takes off is pretty something…. I lost post that to Insta too!! check the plane just above the caravans!!!

So a lovely night and morning and a very thoughtful day watching the Queen’s cortège.

She’s just arriving in Edinburgh now. Awww I really wish I was there.

“The Queen is different. There was a respect for the Queen that the modern day monarchy doesn’t command. She transcended the institution as a whole”. People just want to say thank you. this was all from the BBC but I thought they were lovely words.

I quite honestly haven’t batted an eyelid at anything she did for most of her life…. And yet here I am… blubbing away with the dogs. That’s to Craig for taking this horrific shot but here it is… warts and all.

Sitting on my Gran’s crochet blanket. should say all these shots are from the tv….

A historical day for Scotland.

Fitting that I had a trip of sunset and sunrise…. No matter what happens in life you can rely on the fact that the sun will set on the day and rise on the next.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Check me… I have been “roped” into helping with the Gateside Horticultural Show this year with the promise of a free lunch. 🤦🏻‍♀️😆

I had to be here for 9.45 so I had to get up at 8 to walk the dogs.

It is a beeeeeeeeaaaaa-U-tiful morning, so still and calm and bright blue skies.

It was such a peaceful walk and the dogs were great, I love getting up and out first thing when it’s nice.

I had coffee outside In the garden when I got back then got ready to head over to the Memorial Hall where the flower show was taking place.

In the morning they set up and start judging and I was asked to help getting the results in from the judges and writing out the prize cards. I actually really enjoyed it.

The exhibits were amazing! I’ve taken a few photos to give you an idea.

Here are a couple of the team, Kenny and Jamie. Jamie is always a great supporter of the blog. I’m under strict instructions not to post any photos until after 4pm so I don’t give away any winners 😆

It’s now 5.15 so I’m gonna be fine (like anyone would read it and suss who had won?!?) 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂

The flowers were really special.

We had a lovely lunch at after completing all the paperwork!

So very randomly after all that I have escaped away overnight and am in Prestwick Holiday Park…. In Prestwick, funnily enough.

It’s a static caravan site with space for tourers. The pitches are quite small but I’m lucky I only have someone on one side of me so a big space to the left of me. I’m facing on to this lovely house which I think may double as the bar area. 😳

First thing I did after getting set up was to head for the beach which is about a 6 minute walk away.

It’s a lovely path down the edge of Royal Troon golf course. Signs everywhere saying that there’s a risk of injury!

This lovely estuary leads down to the sea.

You can actually see the caravan park in this photo.

The Isle of Arran at the end of this path!

Tide wise it’s not the best time to be here as low tide is at 6pm so the beach seems huge at the moment and the sea is really far away. That tiny island on the horizon is Ailsa Craig.

This next one looking back over to Arran again.

Keek! I should say Craig has a get together with friends this afternoon so I took my chance as he’ll not have time to miss me!

I also sent him that photo in case he does… miss me…. 😂

There are loads of sand banks on this part of the coast. My feet sunk in deep here so it was a good trudge to get back on to solid ground!

Zoomed in on Ailsa Craig.

Heading back up to the van.

The clouds are so dramatic.

I’ve just had pasta and salad for dinner and I’m planning to head back to the beach for sunset. We’re actually at the end of Prestwick airport runway here and the noise when a plane takes off is something else. It’s not enough to stop you staying here, just enough to realise that you’re at the end of the runway.

Other than that it’s quiet…. Well that is… apart from the lady who just called her daughter on loud speaker. Everyone else is quiet. Seems the big holiday parks are way quieter than I would expect. now she’s just phoned to order a chippy….. g’oan yersel hen.

I’m very tired and can hardly keep my eyes open so it’s going to be a very early night tonight after sunset. here’s the sun out again through the wee wall behind the van.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It was the sweatiest of workouts this morning. 🥵🥵🥵 we worked really hard at the Farm this morning and if it’s possible I seemed to wear the thickest leggings and T-shirt I own. Bad move with so much running this morning. 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

I took Craig’s car as Abbie the camper van still has super glare full beam lights so I had a wee luxury drive there and back without dazzling anyone! I have bought the part I need, just need to get it fitted and she she should be back to normal soon.

As soon as I got back home, I took my sweaty ass out with the dogs.

It was threatening rain but we managed to stay dry. I had a shower as soon as I got home!

I made the best smoothie for breakfast… an Alpro Protein Yoghurt, mixed with banana and oat milk. It was so good and great idea after a work out. I’ll make that again.

So… I decided to call the AA this morning to renew my breakdown cover this morning….

That’s a few hours of my life I’ll never get back.

(I should just say here for my stateside sober friends the AA is the Automobile Association and not Alcoholics Anonymous 😂)

Why is this kind of stuff so hard?!?! I’m an intelligent person (hey…. Shut it 😆) and jeezo that call was hard work. Every single year I have to phone them to remind them that we get some cover through the bank and to reduce the renewal they give me.

Finally went from £42.40 a month to £22.64 and THEN a one off payment of £70.19 and that’s us got the same breakdown cover we had this year. Done. Dusted. Why hours on the phone for that?!? Worth it though I guess!

So I met my friend Carol-ann for lunch today. Now we don’t meet up very often, the last time was a year ago but we’ve decided to make it a quarterly event!

We went to the Linwood Farm and had a THREE course weekday lunch for £9.50. A huge portion of garlic bread, a carvery main course and brownie with ice cream for dessert.

And we talked the hind legs off of several million donkeys. 😆

We put the world to rights in a big way. And what a giggle!! It was honestly the most refreshing 3 and a half hours spent with a lovely lady!!

A lovely way to spend an afternoon!

It’s still been a bit surreal after the Queen dying yesterday. We now have a King. That’s the strangest thing to say. The UK is a bit crazy just now and I just think losing the Queen is another huge change that we weren’t really ready for. She was a constant in an ever changing world and commanded a unique respect in the world. When you said the Queen, the world thought of her.

Here’s a selection of what I’ve seen today. Lovely tributes.

I have my feet up now, may never eat again and will no doubt have a super early night.

Here’s to a great weekend!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’m really sad to hear that members of the Royal family have been called to the Queen’s Scottish residence, Balmoral, this afternoon, as she has been placed under medical supervision.

Oh my god as I write this I went to check the time of that press release and it’s been updated…. To show our Queen has died. 💔

I can’t believe it. It’s a real shock as she doesn’t seem to have been ill, not that we know of. It seems like the family may not have made it in time. So very sad.

Elizabeth II held the longest reign in British history, for 70 years. She was just 25 when she came to the throne in 1952.

She was the Queen of 15 nations and head of the Commonwealth of 54 countries.

She has been one constant in an ever changing world. It’s the end of one of the most remarkable reigns in the British monarchy.

I’m trying to type as they speak on the BBC and they said that she said this at the start of her reign and again at her Platinum Jubilee.

Throughout all of my life with all of my heart, I will try to be worthy of your service.

What lovely and powerful words. I’ve often thought how hard her life must have been constantly in the public eye.

Flags are being lowered. I took a photo of the tv to show this lovely rainbow as this flag was lowered on BBC News.

Charles is now our King and head of state and Camilla is Queen Consort.

I wanted to go on and talk about an 85 year old man I met at work today. He really inspired me and I told him that he was an inspiration. It’s doesn’t seem the place to talk about him just now.

I’ve never been a massive royal but this is the end of an era and a very sad moment and huge change for our country.

The BBC have advised we will receive a statement shortly from our new King. Even saying those words are so surreal. We’ve only ever had a Queen.

Stay very safe everyone ♥️🇬🇧♥️

Jeez I could just go to bed and sleep and it’s only 6.22pm and I have crochet tonight at 7pm.

I woke at 3.24am this morning and then tossed and turned until the alarm at 5am.

My headlights are stuck on main beam at the moment so I need a new indicator and headlight stalk…. It seems to be a common fault with Transporters so I had to drive very tentatively this morning. There’s a sweet spot you can hold the stalk and get the full beam off but it’s a very fine line between that and flashing your headlights so either way someone gets a blast of light if my hand slips or I drive over a bump. I talked my way through it this morning and congratulated myself when I got it right and passed someone without dazzling or blinding them! Hard work though!

The sunrise was beautiful as we ran around the Farm this morning. No photos as we working out at the time but I was so tempted to go and get my phone, it was a really deep red. The above photos were taken closer to 7.30am.

On the way home tonight a wee family of stoats crossed the road in front of me, one after the other as if in a conga chain!

I obviously couldn’t take a photo but it was the cutest thing ever….. their wee legs all running like crazy to cross the busy road… thankfully they made it!

Took the pups out for a walk after work and the clouds were lovely.

I want to see something in this next cloud but I’m not sure 🤔 a mouse maybe?!

So that’s all from me. I’m off into crochet tonight as I said with my wee baby cardigan that I’ve been crocheting. I am not a fan of any thing baby but it’s the first pattern I’ve followed so I’ve enjoyed the concentration required to make it.

A change is as good as a rest!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

It reads like is says on the label, I don’t have much to say today. Check me.

This keeping busy at work malarkey silences my noisy brain and keeps it focussed.

I didn’t sleep well last night as Snorey McSnoreson made a rare appearance… and managed to fall asleep before me so I was doomed….

That said, I have been doing lots of word searches and sudoku and maybe doing that as you’re trying to sleep it isn’t the best wind down?? Ok so yeah some of it’s on me.

A good day at work… then home and out with hoddit, doddit and ploddit.

Lots of sniffing going on!

Bhru checking out the big bull! 🐂

It doesn’t look that big in the photo but he’s a big lad with a ring in his nose.

I’ve cooked a healthy dinner and made lunch for tomorrow and it’s 7.30pm and I’ve just sat down.

Nothing else to report. Hope you’ve all had a calm day.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Well it’s not that I’ve run out of money…. As I didn’t have it before the holiday….. But it was definitely back to normal today.

FIVE AM ALARM 😱

That was a shock to the system.

It was torrential rain when I woke up, so much so, the thought crossed my mind just to stay in bed. I sat up before I was even fully awake, it’s now or never.

The drive to the Farm was pretty hairy. The roads were really badly flooded and I had to drive up the centre of the road to stay out of the rivers that had formed at either side!

My main beam headlights got stuck on half way there and if I put my lights on, I have main beam now. Joy. We’ve not even paid for the other car yet let alone having to fork out some maintenance on the van?!? I reckon that stuck on main beam is better than no lights at all. 🤨😆

I felt really energised this morning and thought the workout was hard, I enjoyed it.

By the time the session finished the sun was shining and it’s been glorious and up to 20°C for most of the day… not a hint of rain since!

I was determined not to feel awful about going back to work today. I used to DREAD going back to my last place. With every ounce of my being. Yet today I was looking forward to getting back to a bit of routine.

I did say to myself that I would not be in control at all today as I don’t know what’s happened for the last week, and that is ok. i thought about that a few times today.

So it was a great day. Paperwork tidied up, back on track fitness wise, food shopping done and put away after work and about to go to the village meeting about speeding traffic… the one I thought I was going to mid August! 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I did actually shop very differently today and I feel like I made some sacrifices with my purchases to try and keep costs down. I bought turkey instead of chicken, beef frying steak instead of steaks, salad tomatoes instead of vine tomatoes…. That kind of thing. I got almost a full weeks’ shopping for only £63. I felt like there were a lot of people standing around staring at prices today. I couldn’t get into the pork steaks for one wifie checking prices for ages! 😆

So that’s all from me today. Good to be back and despite the drama I caused during my holiday, I feel refreshed and relaxed so can’t ask for anything more.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Not kidding…. As I typed afternoon tea there, predictive text just changed it to tears!! What does that say about my life?!? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😂

Anyway…. Whilst hoping there are no afternoon tears, this has very much been a day of two halves for me.

I didn’t sleep that well, was up to the loo at least 3 times which is quite unusual for me and I went to bed and woke, with a thumping headache.

It was so dark last night we had candles burning… maybe it was just that.

We dozed on and off until just after 9 when I finally got up and had a shower to see if that would shake the headache. Trying not to pop pills for nothing these days.

This is my last day of holiday and safe to say it went nothing like the romantic image I had of 10 days off work….

I’ve spent a large part of the week being in a state of…… you know I have no idea how to describe it so let’s just leave it as I’ve spent much of the time off in a state.

Even after my shower I still felt awful.

I tried to write it all down. Just be very grateful that I wrote it down on paper and not here, for you all to read as it’s some jumbled up nonsense.

I think the jist of it is that I struggle to know how best to fill my days when I genuinely have nothing to do.

Now I realise that most people would kill for a day with nothing to do. This has been a week with a whole lot of nothing to do and I’m BORED.

All around me I see things that I “should” be doing but do not want to do. My inner child has a tantrum when I even think about doing some of that stuff.

Yet I have absolutely NO idea about what I’d rather be doing and a holiday abroad in the sun is not an option as I’ve said before. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤨😆

As I write I see a book lying on my desk. It was given to me by my lovely friend June, AGES ago and I’ve never read it. Always meant to but never actually got into it.

Yet today it’s screaming for me to pick it up.

I have the Jonathan Livingston Seagull too and thought I should read that first but my gut says no…… the first few pages talk about someone how works in automobiles. ✅

It goes on to say that there was a village of creatures that live in the river bed and are all clinging on watching the river flow by.

Wow. As dramatic as it sounds I have been so overwhelmed by boredom. If I stop thinking that there’s something wrong with me then maybe I will start to live my life again?

My headache is gone.

I deliberately make no plans for the weekend as plans can be overwhelming. I deliberately wait until the last minute to do anything so that I can see how I feel first. I obsessively need to know that the weekend is mine to do as I choose. Maybe now I am ready to start living again and stop hiding?

I’m almost finished the book already but I firmly believe I was meant to read it when I felt ready to hear what it told me.

I was out putting things away in the van and thought to myself I must take something for lunch tomorrow that I can heat up in the van.

An hour later the doorbell went and it was Holly from the pub next door with some soup to be eaten up. ✅ that will do me nicely and is far tastier than anything else I would have taken with me from our cupboards.

I’d been saying to Craig about us going out for coffee and cake as we never do that together so Craig booked a wee afternoon tea at the Bowfield Hotel near us. ✅

It has been pouring with rain all morning so I’d been putting summer clothes away that I hadn’t worn this year. I had literally just touched a skirt and top and thought (sadly) how I’d never got the chance to wear them this summer. Out comes the sun and it’s scorching and I wear the clothes I just thought about wearing. I’d have been soaked and freezing wearing them this morning! ✅

We had a really lovely wee afternoon tea. We don’t go out much these days, we both made an effort and there was perfume and aftershave involved! Just like old times. ✅

The food was lovely and we cleared the plates and it was lovely to spend time out together and not just in the pub next door. A wee date Sunday!

So lots of food for thought today. It’s no wonder I’m constantly knackered with all this intense thinking but my head screams at me when something isn’t right and I need to figure out what it’s telling me.

So it’s Sunday night again. Back to 5am alarm, Fit Body Farm and work. Back to weight loss meditations and healthy eating plans as I’ve got about 10 weeks until I turn the big 50. 🤨

Here’s to a great week ahead for you all.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

I’ve had a really lovely day today but it doesn’t make for exciting reading.

It’s a dull and overcast day today so I fell my activities have matched the weather. It’s been so dark at time and rain is coming but it doesn’t seem to have come to much.

We tag teamed the housework this morning which is always great. Done in jig time.

Craig went out into the garden and picked these flowers and I was very impressed with the composition!

He even cleaned the windows before sticking them in a vase on the window ledge. Everything feels clean.

I took the dogs out for a walk as the countdown to the Rangers-Celtic Old Firm derby began.

Since then I’ve been upstairs in my bedroom office and I’ve done all kinds of positive things. Energy toning movements, meditation for weight loss (not been doing that for the last week so been shovelling junk again), word searches and puzzles and crochet…. Following an actual pattern and not just going round and round in circles making a square (ok, you know what I mean!!)

I’ve had a self care Saturday and it was really lovely.

I couldn’t stay awake and needed up in the spare bed having way over a two hour nap!! Was bliss.

I have chicken Fajitas on for dinner with all the trimmings. That’s the benefit of the weight loss meditation, it stops me just calling a takeaway.

And then this….. this is going to take some mulling over big time….

Let go of the idea that something is wrong with me?

My life is based on the premise. I am less than….

Yet I am just me. Super sensitive, overthinking but that’s what makes me, me. Hmmmmmm…

Wow.

Ok so that’s all from me tonight, Mr A’s team lost today but he says the best team won by far so can’t argue with that.

Happy Saturday night y’all. oh and this just went racing past the window….

Random 🤨

Kinda feel for the horse the speed they had it going at… anyway…

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Craig was off work today so I took a wee jaunt with him to Kilmarnock while he went for an eye test.

I’ve not been there in ages and the town centre has really sadly lost most of its shops. I had a wee wander then sat on a bench outside waiting for him. It’s another nice day today but not as sunny as yesterday.

We decided to go for brunch at a new place called the Duke, on John Finnie Street.

It was really lovely. Kilmarnock doesn’t seem to have a lot of investment anymore and yet this place is stunning inside, very plush. It turns out it’s a Buzzworks pub.

I had pancakes, bacon and maple syrup which Craig had hollandaise eggs. Their Oat milk cappuccino was lovely too. A really nice surprise and better than the Costa we used to go to when we lived in Kilmarnock.

Finally Craig’s car is ready for collection. On the last day of my holiday (naturally!) AND it’s not fixed despite being off the road for over a week. Happy days. Needs more investigation. 🤦🏻‍♀️

So Abbie the camper van and I drove to Dalry this afternoon to take a very special lady down to Portencross beach for the afternoon.

Shelagh, who helped me navigate through my first 3.5 years of Kinesiology is going through treatment for cancer. She’s finished chemo last week and felt strong enough to go for a walk down at the beach.

I cannot tell you how lovely it was to see her. She reckoned I was her last client at the start of February. It’s been too long!

She’s tackling this head on with every positive treatment she can think of.

It was so lovely to talk to her today and hear about her journey over this year.

She’s a real inspiration to me. 💕

We went for a walk down the coast towards Hunterston.

We went for a paddle in the wee harbour.

I wore my long shorts today incidentally.. 😆 just as well as it turned cooler as the day went on. We probably stood in the sea for about half an hour paddling around. it was really lovely and grounding.

We had to dodge all the jellyfish as there were quite a few. The conversation flows freely, no need to fill every gap…. just spending time out in nature enjoying every minute of the peace.

We had another wander around. The sky is pretty cloudy now but really atmospheric.

I could stay here all day just watching the sea. There’s so much to look at, gannets diving for fish, yachts sailing past and clouds swirling.

The rocks here are fascinating too.

Portencross is such a special place and it was so lovely to share it with Shelagh today.

The views more special because I was over on Arran yesterday.

It was lovely to spend time with her today and meant a lot to me.

I dropped Shelagh back home and made her promise to ask anytime she fancied another trip out.

Willing her on for the next stage of recovery ❤️‍🩹

I popped into the pub next door when I got home and stayed for a couple of Coke Zeros. And caught up on village news!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

What a difference a day makes. I know, I know… how many times have I said that before?!? I cannot tell you the relief that comes with that last wee episode being over.

I woke up calm and relaxed and determined to make the best of the rest of my holiday. So here I am on the Isle of Arran, sitting directly across the bay from Brodick harbour watching CalMac’s Isle of Arran head back out to Ardrossan.

So here’s a snapshot of my trip today.

It is a beautiful day. The forecast is for sunshine and thankfully my head is finally calm and able to enjoy it.

I feel way more grounded than I did yesterday. That antsy, unsettled feeling has gone.

There’s hardly a sound.

That’s why I walked all the way around the bay…. To be as far from other people as I could.

That sums it up. The universe whacked me with its 2 by 4 this week. I went to Kinesiology, got help and now I’m back on track.

The bad stuff that had me worried hasn’t changed. I still need to review my options to allow us to do better than to just (financially) “get by”…. But I’m not screaming like some spoiled toddler at the thought of looking into it. I’m able to accept I couldn’t get abroad for a holiday or away in the van. None of that matters just the here and now and knowing everything will work out the way it’s meant to.

There is always a bright side.

I can’t see that when I have a bad day. The noise in my head is incessant. I am all over the place. Completely irrational.

I couldn’t have come over to Arran by ferry yesterday as I knew I still felt bad yet here I am today like Heidi the mountain goat, skipping around the place, relaxed, calm and revelling in the present moment. what a relief to be back.

I set off around 8.30am and drove to Ardrossan harbour where I parked in the long stay car park. The CalMac ferry costs £8.60 to get over to Arran and back. We can’t even get to Glasgow from home for that amount. I couldn’t believe how cheap it was.

They’re doing work on Ardrossan pier so you do have to walk onto the car deck.

Arran was in the middle of a lovely cloud inversion.

The sailing was lovely. So calm and beautiful in the sunshine.

I couldn’t believe this butterfly photobombed my zoomed in shot. I thought it was a bird and looked up from my phone only to find it was a butterfly right in front of my face! I’m attracting them from everywhere just now!

CalMac’s famous red funnel looks amazing against the blue sky.

So todays funny Julie story is all about my denim shorts. 🩳 I have two pairs, one long which I don’t really like and one short which I really love. The short shorts do not leave the house…..they are not obscenely short but they are short. i really wanted to wear them and Craig said they looked great but I felt like I was too old to walk about in them. I set off wearing them but packed my leggings at the last minute.

When I got to Ardrossan I changed into the leggings…. There, that feels better…. First woman I see is older than me and wearing way shorter shorts than my short shorts. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🥴😂

Now to be fair, it was cold on the ferry over at times so I was glad of the warmth but first thing I did when we docked was get out of the leggings and back into the shorts.

I am leading my legs around for all to see and it’s ok…. I am surviving.

Anyway I digress, again, what’s new. (Just thinking when you read this, you never really know which version of me you are going to get… least that way it’s never dull…🥴😆)

Goat Fell dominates Brodick bay. It’s called that as it’s shaped like the head of a goat and stands at 874m and is one of 4 Corbetts on Arran.

I took a walk around the bay, into a couple of shops but was heading right across from where this photo is taken so I can look back at the town.

One of my favourite Arran photos from years ago is on the right and a similar shot taken today!! How sad….

Love the cloud reflections in this next one.

Beautiful bright red berries against the blue sky!

And finally down onto the beach.

The tide is coming in and I love sitting here writing and watching it. Here comes the Caledonian Isles again so I guess I’ll be on the Isle of Arran ferry heading back… getting my toenails done at 5.15 and didn’t want to cancel and wait another few weeks.

So here’s todays way happier face in comparison….almost as bright as the first one last week and WAY happier than that one I took on Monday morning. It will come.

Stick with the bad times and always see them through. You may not know it but better times are ahead of you.

I’m going to stop this for now and enjoy the rest of my day. I’m sure there will be a million more photos to share but they can wait.

Thanks for all the words of encouragement through the tough times. It means a lot.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️