Healing mental health during COVID-19 times and beyond
Author: Julie
I’m healing from anxiety and depression and exploring my way through a whole new lovely world with an abundance of awareness and a new love for life… and travelling the world!
I went to visit Beith’s remembrance memorial this morning. I took my breath away.
A lovely lady in Beith made all of these. I can’t tell you how lovely it is to spend some time among them and I probably thought more of Remembrance Day than I ever have. It made everything seem so much more real.
I think this one is my favourite out of them all.
Sadly one of them is no longer there. Either stolen by people or I prefer to think, foxes.
It’s a super frosty and cold morning but as the sun rises, it’s calm and there’s a warmth in the sun. It’s a very poignant tribute.
Beith Auld Kirk as a beautiful building in its own right.
I had already been out with the 3 OG puppers as soon as it got light this morning.
It’s still quite icy at this time of the morning, I don’t know if you can see it in the photo. The sky was stunning and full of promise for a sunny day.
I went to the little gift shop today to help Gayle plan for some of the Christmas events she’s doing this year. She’s changed the shop since last week!
It just smells so lovely.
By the time I got home it was about 1.30 and I’d planned loads of housework.
The sun is so lovely I felt like I should do something outside and yet i don’t want to shut the dogs back in again…. So I’m outside and lit my very own fire pit… I’m sitting here by myself… if you are ever by yourself with 4 dog….. and I’m enjoying the sunshine with the extra heat of a wee bonfire. It’s just bliss.
It was a wee bit smokey to start with but only because the stuff in the bottom is still wet…. Note from Craig for future reference.
Oh I must see if I can link the Scottish Dog Behaviourist YouTube page as he’s posted a video of Khaleesi on a lovely walk the other day. It’s so cute. He’s so good at creating video content. I could watch this for days… here goes. Khaleesi at Loch Shore.
Fingers crossed that works!
I’m just sitting here listening to old tunes on Spotify, adding wood to the fire as we go.
Had a lovely chat with my mother in law there and now Craig’s home!
A super frosty, foggy early start this morning, catching the train to Edinburgh to meet Mum and Dad for the day.
It’s 8.51pm and I’m already north of Glasgow on the train. The freezing fog still hasn’t lifted. It’s like pea soup. 😂
I’m half an hour early I think, but I booked my ticket through Trainline. Last time I travelled to Edinburgh it was £41. This time it was £25.90 because I booked in advance. I also upgraded to allow me to take any train today. I think that was an extra £3 or so. It was well worth it… hence the being half an hour early.
And just like that the sun burns through the fog just outside Falkirk. If you zoom in you can see a bank of fog in the distance. It’s going to be a beautiful day… didn’t bring sunglasses either. 😎
You can see the heavy frost in the foreground of this photo.
Crossing the viaduct.
I have arrived!
I went for a wander as I was a half hour early. It’s the most beautiful day now.
I met Mum and Dad up the top of Cockburn Street.
We decided to head straight up to the castle.
It’s so nice to see it without the Edinburgh Tattoo scaffolding on the Esplanade.
Edinburgh is so much quieter than the last time mum and I were here during the Festival.
I say that and there were a LOT of people I the Castle during the middle of the day.
Looking down to the east end of Princes Street and the Wallace Monument.
The one o’clock gun!
St Margaret’s Chapel.
Mons Meg.
When we were wee this was kept inside. It’s obviously been preserved enough to bring it back outside.
We stood up here to watch Edinburgh’s 1o’clock gun go off. Even when you know it’s coming, you still get a fright.
This is fired every day except Sundays, Good Friday and Christmas Day, to let ships in the Firth of Forth know what time it is.
Here is Arthur’s Seat and Salisbury Crags… the crags aren’t particularly visible due to the sun but if you zoom in you might see them.
I’m sorry but does this gold roof not remind you of something?!? 💩
You can see they are setting up for the Christmas Markets down in Princes Street Gardens. Think it opens next weekend.
I have so many more photos but I think I might break WordPress. 😂
I love this shot of us leaving the castle… the longest legs in the shadows!
We were SO lucky with the weather. It’s been very cold but a beautiful day. It’s so lovely to make these memories together, rather than sitting around inside a house.
I even got a nice shot in Edinburgh Waverley.
It’s dark now and I’m just north of Glasgow again where the blog started.
I woke up to torrential rain pummelling the window pane this morning. 5.30am.
By the time I left for work, the heavy rain cloud was moving on.
I suddenly noticed the bright star next to the moon…. I believe it was actually Venus.
I’ve never seen anything that bright, that close to the moon.
It was a lovely drive in this morning, no rain and pretty skies.
I was in work early again and got loads done. I love feeing organised when I finish on a Thursday.
It’s my weekend!
I rushed home to get my haircut in the garden room straight across the road from the house. It’s so cool to have your hairdresser over the road.
There are no pics as I just sat and watched the last episode of House season 4 and I cried….. 😂😂😂
The sunset was pretty too.
I saw this earlier and I really liked the sentiment of it. I’ve read it through a lot.
I’ve spent so long raging at the river that I am honestly say acceptance and being present in the moment if so freeing.
I’m listening the Diary of a CEO podcast at the moment. It’s fascinating me. Todays episode said we wear busy-ness like a badge of honour. We expect to be saluted for working all the hours god sends, for having the busiest social life and actually we all need to reward each other for taking time out and looking after ourselves. That needs to become the new norm.
I used to go in early and work late. I thought that’s what was expected of me.
I carried on doing it for most of my career… I began to resent it.
I told everyone how busy I was, how stressed I was, how hard I worked, I was proud of it all while despising it.
I LOVED my job title. It defined me.
I was never happy with what I had. I always wanted more.
I earned a lot of money and yet it was never enough.
When I finally broke and went off sick I felt like a failure. I felt like that for a very long time.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get the occasional pang of failure at times when I left my mind overthink…. But mostly I am truly grateful at having the chance to really think about what it is important in my life. Sadly too many people only experience this after some kind of trauma. If you have felt experienced this without having rock bottom then bottle whatever that is and sell it.
I finally don’t worry about what people think of me (but if you don’t like me please don’t EVER tell me as I would carry that about for years… 😳😆) I don’t care about the job title, about the money, about the things. I just have to do what’s right for me now. Instead of putting everything else first.
I’m back. I feel so much better today. Phew. It’s such a relief.
I’d go as far as to say I felt no anger or irritability today. Well…. not too much. 🤷🏻♀️😌 There’s always a little 😬 but nothing like yesterday.
I drove to work in atrocious weather conditions this morning. The rain was so heavy that I actually couldn’t see the road. I had to switch off the stereo so I could concentrate. How crazy does that sound?!
There was an accident on the A736 at the Barmill/Burnhouse crossroads. A white van and a Mill’s Milk Luton van had hit each other. Mill’s Milk coming off WAY worse.
The Police had turned their car to shine their headlights up my lane. With the amount of water on the road, you couldn’t see anything with the bright shine of the headlights on water. I had to approach at about 10 miles an hour. I suppose that’s the plan… 🤷🏻♀️
When I drive past something like that, I always have a huge gulp of emotion ride up that brings tears… didn’t help to have water in my eyes when I already couldn’t see the road! I hope no one was hurt.
I forgot to say yesterday that I have finally started Collagen and Tumeric supplements in the hope that might help my joint stiffness.
My friend Helen did a lot of research into Collagen so I just copied her rather than doing my own. This shakes into a drink. The mandarin flavour is lovely. The tumeric is just a capsule. I’m also taking Magnesium and have been for a few months now. Surely some of it will help?!
Forgot I took this photo earlier. Here are all the Tartan Campers parked up for the winter…. I put a sign on each of them saying that so no one drives one.
We were on Channel 4 at lunchtime today… hopefully that’s some great advertising.
I’m jumping around all over the place today….
When I got home, Craig had a lady in the living room!!!! 😳
She was from the Office for National Statistics and she asked us lots of questions about our working lives. We’ve had a few letters from them and I replied last week but she just turned up on spec. It took about an hour between us to answer all the questions. I quite like stuff like that. Not sure why?!
Anyhoo…. It’s been good to feel calm and in control today. The National Statistics lady asked how happy I was with my life and I was able to answer 9/10. 😌
I think that’s pretty damn good for anyone to be able to say. 💜
I’ve found some peace and realise that happiness is what you make it. Happiness isn’t living for the next holiday. It’s in the sunshine and the heavy rain, in the wind and in the leaves falling from the trees. It’s in every day.
Happiness is knowing that the bad days will pass. When you lower your expectations in life then you have a greater chance of happiness.
I’m tracking the Aurora again and toying with the idea of heading out later. Will see….
She who lives in the present moment, appreciates the smaller things in life, is calm and chilled out these days, showed a whole lot of ugly today…
I woke with the alarm at 6.15 which is unusual… but I was aware of feeling strange before the alarm went off. I know how ridiculous that sounds…. I felt breathless and antsy… nervous…. There is nothing to be nervous of today.
I just felt off.
I got up and found that wonderful time of the month had arrived. I believe this was on account of me missing 3 progesterone pills this month…. I forgot to take them one night and yesterday I found one floating at the bottom of my water bottle. To my terror. I thought it was a wasp?! Go figure.
Anyway…. I have a reason for my grouchiness….. but I’m like a volcano of irritability…. Sparking off at anything and everything…. Not actually keeping it inside. Even my boss mentioned how I piled on the heat firing questions at him before he even got into work.
I was incensed and yet nothing was any different today than it was yesterday. Except my reactions.
We can choose how we respond to day to day life. I wasn’t present enough in the moment to respond properly today. I was kicking off as if everyone was out to get me.
I heard myself say… “everything is going wrong”… “everything needs done 2 or 3 times”… “this is too hard”. I gave myself a difficult day. My inner child threw her tantrum arms up in the air all day.
The truth was it was a beautiful day. I took these photos at 7am out in the garden with the dogs.
The moon was a perfect crescent although it’s more of a dot in this photo. 😬
My lilies are beautiful.
And, despite having a thumping angry headache all day, I came home and went over to the hall for Kinisi-flow and I loved it. It would have been so easy not to bother.
I worked hard, I felt strong and the headache finally left.
I love it when the calm finally breaks through the noise.
It was SO dark this afternoon… torrential rain when I left work. I really had to concentrate on driving home. There was flooding everywhere.
The photo doesn’t do it justice… it looks brighter than it actually was. It was so gloomy!
On the plus side there was a lot of cake today. I fasted for 20 hours and then had a lovely lentil soup for lunch followed by CAKE. I’d taken the remnants of the Macmillan Tea into work. Then ate too much of it. 🤦🏻♀️😂 I binned what was left as it was starting to turn and I’d have still kept eating it. 😂
Poor Khaleesi and Bhru were very unhappy with last nights fireworks… I know friends’ dogs were the same.
They were panting for hours. It’s so sad to watch. We wrapped Khaleesi in a blanket to try to calm her down. Bhru just hid down beside a seat.
I’m also GUTTED to see how beautiful the Aurora was at Kilbirnie Loch last night…. This is where I went and got spooked and couldn’t stay. This photo was taken by FrankBoyd Photography . He got such an amazing shot. I’m so impressed. It’s exactly what I wanted to see!!
Well done to Frank for capturing it so well. Please take a look at his photos on FB.
So yeah, not much else to report. I’ve had dinner and back on to fasting already. It’s the only way I can stop myself eating. 😂
My head is still pretty good just now. Fairly organised at work…. Trying not to overreact when things don’t go the way that I hoped. I am pretty calm.
Let’s start by saying that the Aurora is kicking off big time tonight and I drove down to Kilbirnie Loch to try to see it…. And was TERRIFIED by myself in the dark!! 😂😂 literally switched the headlights off and thought nope… no can do!! Headlights back on.
How funny eh? The darkness was overwhelming…. I immediately felt like there was someone in the back seat of the car 🤦🏻♀️😂
So if there’s Aurora to be had tonight, I ain’t seeing it.
They say it could actually be visible in the South of England. It’s off the charts!
There were some stunning shots from last night. Just out of this world.
I’m so annoyed with myself but I just couldn’t do it. 😂😂
Back to today… we had the Macmillan Afternoon Tea in the village hall today. Holly has just announced that it raised £1,005 , isn’t that amazing!
A few pics from today.
I was on the raffle today. Really enjoyed it…. We made £345.50 on the raffle table, with guess the cuddly toys age, among other things. Pretty amazing eh?!
I’ve consumed way more sugar that I should have done. A whole lotta cake!
I ended up having to call the raffle and having to do the closing thank you address. I only found out about that when we had about 5 raffle prizes to go 😬😳 but I did it.
Now shattered, full of sugar, sitting on the couch… wishing I was braver to be out in the dark waiting on the Aurora. 😂
Oh I also go apple car play installed in my car today. The stereo that was fitted, wasn’t great and I always listen to podcasts while I’m driving. I’ve not been able to do that properly since I got the car. I’m so pleased with it.
And finally a TV show recommendation if you have Netflix… “All the light we cannot see”…. Is really good. We watched all 4 episodes last night and highly recommend it!
I woke at 5.53 with a sore knee… actually it was a Calaidh bark that woke me and sore knee kicked back in again. Still not bought Tumeric or Collagen which I’ve been meaning to do. Should add that to my to do list and then it might get done. 😂
I got up to the loo and just never went back to bed. I tidied the kitchen, put another washing on and then headed out with Calaidh, Bhruic & Freya.
It’s a lovely calm morning and the three degrees are all very well behaved.
Gayle had messaged me last night to see if I could pop down to the little gift shop as she’d been doing her Christmas displays and she needed a bit of extra help clearing up….. was I free?!?! I’d move heaven and earth to be free!! (I only moved housework so it wasn’t that dramatic!!)
The shop is such a magical place to be. I love it!! It was great to catch up with Gayle and see some lovely customers that I haven’t seen in ages! I took some photos… of course I did!
I had such a lovely morning! Coffee and chocolate too…. What’s not to love.
So back home for soup and then I got on with the housework. More things pulled together for charity… you’d think there’d be nothing left by now but I’m being so ruthless. I am literally walking past ornaments and thinking that I don’t need that anymore and someone else could have some joy from it…. I did all the hoovering another load of washing and cleaned the dogs room.
By that time Craig had a fire going in the fire pit outside. It’s a lovely peaceful evening. It’s cold but not next to the fire.
We sat out for about an hour. I love being outside. It’s been too long since we did that.
Back in for dinner and look at Khaleesi sleeping on the couch.
Bless her.
Have a lovely Saturday night!
If you’re near Gateside we have a Macmillan Afternoon Tea in the village hall from 2-4pm tomorrow. Please come along!
Awwwwww have had the wee best day to myself….. I t’s 4.51pm and just getting dark.
It’s a lovely sky.
It’s been nice all day today. Calm and quiet after all the wind and rain we’ve been having. It’s cold but not freezing.
I woke at 4am with a really sore knee. I took ibuprofen and paracetmol and went back to sleep, until 7.15am! A long lie!
I made a pot of soup, in the slow cooker, before 8.30am… Ellison’s lentil soup again!
I headed straight to the Post Office to get some change for Sunday’s Macmillan Afternoon Tea in the Village Hall. Then onto Lidl for a “cheap” weekly shop…. It was still over £100!
I came back and unpacked the shopping, stirred the soup and headed off out with Bhruic and Freya.
Checking up on mumma! They look like a two headed dog.
The trees are a lovely colour.
One of the really old gates has disappeared…. That’s so sad!
It looked a bit like this one. I hope they didn’t bin it. To be fair, they are so old they’re not much use these days but they are relics.
Back to drop Bhru & Freya off and pick up the two Cal’s…. Calaidh and Khaleesi.
I let Khaleesi off the lead for the first time and she had a great run around. I have to limit it so she doesn’t run too far in her sore paws.
She followed Calaidh around and it was so lovely to watch.
Safe to say someone had a lot of fun this morning. She’s out for the count now.
Back on lead to calm down a wee bit.
There’s a lovely warmth to the sun when it comes out.
When I got home Khaleesi jumped up into the centre of the wee couch. I shouted the other 3 and suddenly got this amazing photo, without even really trying. It’s nice to have a lovely one of the 4 of them.
I did a poo pick in the garden 🤮… then spent the afternoon doing a washing, emptying and filling the dishwasher, cleaning the cutlery drawer, collecting things for charity, cleaning ALL the windows and generally pottering.
I have honestly had the loveliest day. Apart from a fasting panic yesterday, I’ve felt really good these last few days.
I’ve been in control, clear headed, ticking things off lists,. I feel content with my life. I’m trying to appreciate every moment, the days seem longer than usual, I’m getting more done.
I have no idea what was wrong but I knew by about 11am, that I wouldn’t manage any prolonged fast today.
I regularly manage 16-19 hour fasts on a daily basis. I love the feeling of being hungry and knowing that I’m not gorging myself on food unnecessarily. I am eating less in between meals now as I am fuller for longer.
I woke at 5.49am this morning and felt instantly hungry. That’s unheard of.
I packed plenty water, peppermint tea bags and lemon and ginger tea bags and set off confidently into my day. My head was in a good place… I’d done lots of research, I knew what to expect and I was ready.
I don’t know what changed but today clearly wasn’t the right day. I felt really bad by the back of 11. I was dizzy, lightheaded and shaky. It ended up being 1pm when I finally got the chance to eat and I felt an instant relief.
Did my mind talk me out of it? Maybe…. I had no set target in mind. I wanted to try 4 days but was going to take it one day at a time and none of that was possible.
I had to order lunch from work and didn’t even enjoy what I ate.
I actually think it was the wrong time of the month for me. I’m mid way through the Progesterone which usually means the week of the month where I’m more likely to feast than fast.
I was upset, there were tears in my eyes but I just didn’t feel right. So I did the right thing.
It was a cold and frosty morning today.
Work was really busy again. I’ve been in early every day this week and still not getting through everything I need to do…. But I’ve really enjoyed the challenge this week. We had a great meeting last week and have made some changes and there’s a right good buzz about the place and I love it! I’m happy. (Check me!)
The sunset was brief but stunning this evening. I stopped in a layby on the way home from work.
The photos don’t actually do it justice.
I only live about 5 minutes drive from here and it was already gone by the time I got home.
It made it a lovely journey home.
Got my toes painted a lovely autumnal auburn red tonight at Viv’s Nails and Beauty ….not that anyone will be seeing my feet for at least another 5 months! 😂
Soooo tired tonight. Looking forward to a weekend without too much planned except a McMillan coffee afternoon on Sunday. that would have been interesting on an fast. 😂😂
I actually drove home through a perfect autumn storm.
All the trees have really turned in the last few days. The roads home were avenues of red, orange and yellow. ♥️🧡💛
It’s been an awful weather day today. It’s rained so much and the wind picked up as the day went on. Bertie Beetle was slapped with orange, red and yellow leaves all the way home. It was raining and swirling autumnal leaves. 🍁 🍂🍁🍂🍁
It was really dramatic. The sky was dark navy blue, heavy with rain but there was light that highlighted the colours of the leaves… jeez who even am I these days?!? I have no photos so I have to be descriptive!
I can’t believe it’s November already…. Where has the year gone?!?
I’ve been awake since 4.52am and went into work early as I still have so much to do. I got a fair chunk of it started today which is something. It was a another blast of a day that disappeared in a heartbeat.
So some of the many dogs that we seem to have, seem to be moulting again… Craig’s just brushed Freya….
How can she even have that much extra hair?! I don’t remember two winter moults before but hey… they seem to come as a surprise to me every time they start moulting. 😂
So…. I’ve made a lovely dinner and scoffed it all up and am seriously thinking of trying an extended fast this weekend…. I’m putting it out here and I may not manage it. I feel super positive about it. I’ve read up on it, watched YouTube videos and am well aware of what to expect…. And I’m still going to try it.
Today I was asked why….. I’m not sure I have any idea, really. I just want to. It feels right. I usually want to shove everything in my mouth 24 hours a day. Time limiting it means that I can take control of my calorie intake. I have a lot of willpower when I put my mind to something. I don’t give in easily.
So who knows what this might bring. I might say all of this and cave at lunchtime tomorrow.
Please don’t worry about me as this is very good for your body. My body can cope, it knows how to manage this. Our bodies were built for periods of famine and feast..
It’s just my head that will hurt. It’s the brain that tries to tell you otherwise.
I promise if it gets too much I will stop.
I have a very quiet weekend planned with a list of things that I can catch up with in the house so I’m not putting myself through too much.
I have no idea where today went… it’s been an absolute whirlwind of a day! I woke at 4.17am but did get back to sleep for a change.
Work just flew by. We had lots of customers in which kept me really busy. I don’t think I looked at my to do list once but it was a good day.
I think I’ve said before that I’m one of the admin on a FB group called After Dry January? One of the guys in the group had hired a Tartan Campervan and I got to meet him today.
It was lovely to put a face to the name and get a right good hug from someone who’s been there from the start of After Dry January in February 2019.
I made soup in the slow cooker overnight. I stirred it at 4.19am!!
I took some into work today and was able to take Ellison lunch in for a change. She has brought soup in for lunch so many times and it’s SO good! Mine was actually really nice.. not as good as the last batch but I’d used broth mix inside of lentils this time. Back to lentils next time.
When I got home I took some photos of the crochet poppies in the Village Hall.
It’s hard to get photos without the reflection.
I threw together a quick salad for dinner and headed over to the earlier Kinisi-flow class at 5.15pm. I took photos inside the hall.
Aren’t they beautiful! ♥️💜
I’d like to say that our crochet group did all of these but actually it was really only Jane! She was very good at them. The rest of us just spurred her on and Anne came up with the concept of attaching them to the wreath. It’s a a lovely tribute. ♥️💜♥️💜
The Kinisi-flow class was amazing! I was able to do almost every move for once and I really felt the flow. I got a lovely Pukka tea bag at the end… called JOY. I came home and made the tea in my favourite mug.
Oh and happy Halloween… you can tell it’s not a big thing in our house…. But I like the emojis! 🎃👻💀👻🎃
I didn’t get a chance to say yesterday, but, for those of us in the UK, who’s clocks went back an hour yesterday, was it not just THE longest day ever?!? That was very poor grammar but you get the gist…. It was such a long day, in a good way. It just never stopped ! Craig was ready to head to bed at 7.30pm before he realised!! It’s amazing how one extra hour can make such a difference.
It was a lovely day today. Cold, but the sun shone for most of the day. Ellison and I decided to sit outside for lunch!!
Check us!
I was cold but it’s so lovely to get fresh air at lunchtime and to get away from my desk.
I’ve been a strange mix of in control and spirally anxious today. Ali, at work, did a really good job of talking me down as soon as my anxiety kicked off. I recognised it was happening and managed to see the true picture, if that makes sense. Adding something new into my job totally panicked me, he explained how it would work and straight away I realised I was only anxious of the unknown and once I work through it… it will soon be the normal day to day.
I quickly catch thoughts that don’t serve me. It’s ok that a part of me feels this way. I joyfully release the thoughts and embrace the positive.
I’m still saying this every morning and today has been a prime example of that happening.
Since I’ve come home work I’ve made dinner, been to Tesco for a food shop AND made soup!!
I never go to the supermarket in the evening and yet it only took me an hour and I actually enjoyed it. I love it when I forcefully break one of my self imposed rules, and it actually works out being a great idea. 😂
Since the end of March 2020 I’ve written an almost daily blog. I know I’ve missed a few but I never would have thought this would become such a big thing for me.
Writing helps me make sense of my day to day moods and thoughts. If it helps any one of you at the same time then it makes it even more worthwhile.
For some reason I feel compelled to talk about my life. I have no idea why but I will keep going for as long as it feels right.
So let’s start with a wee stat catch up… love me a good stat!
1,760 days without alcohol (look at how much money I have apparently saved?!?!)
1,171 days without antidepressants
367 days on HRT
313 days fasting
It’s amazing how the days add up.
No longer self medicating with alcohol is the best gift I have ever given myself.
I know that so many of you will not understand this. I’m not sure I ever really understood a non drinker when I actually drank.
Sadly alcohol is still the only socially acceptable drug where people will try to force you to take it.
“go on just have a drink”
It’s only socially acceptable when your drunken actions are considered cool or funny. The minute you overstep any of the unwritten rules, big drinkers will drop their own like a hot potato.
Sadly today saw the death of Matthew Perry, Chandler, of Friends fame.
He struggled with addiction. In recent years he’s said that he can’t watch himself on Friends without seeing the time when he was on opiates, struggling with alcohol or high on cocaine. He wrote this…
I would like to think that we remember his legacy of trying to help others with addiction, while struggling with his own.
I never thought I was addicted and certainly was nowhere near, what we would consider, an alcoholic. I hated the person that alcohol made me become. I hated the things I did. It was not good for me.
I was an extroverted extrovert. Who knew that stopping drinking would reveal that I’m actually pretty introverted. I am still an extrovert with the right people and the right chat…. But most of the time I am happy in a quiet room with my words.
I have changed SO much. I am no longer motivated by possessions.
If I’m honest I think I spent most of my life being what I thought I was meant to be. So let’s think that through slowly… I didn’t have the self worth that being me, was enough.
I wanted whatever YOU wanted, I listened to the music that YOU listened to. I bought the things that YOU bought. I had no likes and dislikes of my own. I’ve realised I have very simple tastes but I was embarrassed by that.
I also NEVER wanted the big job. I left school and went to Uni because all my friends did. I picked Business Studies because I never had a “thing” or a passion for anything.
I guess I do regret some of my life decisions but I am so grateful that I got to see the true meaning of life, in my lifetime.
Taking each day as it comes… appreciating the beauty in every moment of every day.
Being kind to others as often as possible.
I try not to think badly of people…. If I do, I at least try to realise why they are acting as they do. I refuse to believe that anyone upsets or hurts anyone deliberately. I try not to judge others. We all have our own hardships and lives to live.
Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow.
I always try to see things from other people’s point of view.
Anyway, I’ve done lots of clearing out today again. I’ve chucked out another 3 bags of rubbish or things for charity.
I also met Gayle at Mocha JaKs for a long awaited catch up. We had a lovely cake and coffee/tea and talked the hind legs off a donkey. 2 hours of non stop chat! It was great to meet up.
And finally, thanks to everyone who reads this! Friends, family and friends that I have never even met. Thanks for all of your comments and kind words and thanks to those silent readers too. Occasionally I realise that you are there.!
To be fair I’d keep writing this to an empty house but the comments keep me spurned on. You help me on the bad days and you celebrate the good day.s (oooh that brought a wee tear!) thank you from the bottom of my heart.
It’s a beautiful morning. The Scottish Dog Behaviourist’s alarm went off at 6am 😳 so I’m wide awake. As soon as it gets light I’m away off up the hill with Bhruic and Freya.
It’s not warm…. That or I’m just a bit underdressed.
The sky is beautiful and there are some really strange clouds that I take a million photos of.
As cloudy as it is, they haven’t come to anything and it’s been beautiful sunshine all morning.
Just a girl leaning on a gate while the dogs run.
It’s very autumnal today.
I mean does that cloud not look like it’s taking over the world?!?
It reminds me of the movie The Fog…. 😳
Back home to put on WAY warmer clothes and I’m off to Lochwinnoch with Calaidh, while Craig is at work. He dropped us off and will pick us back up again.
We have had a lovely walk in the woods! We’ve said hello to so many lovely people and met Border Collies called Angus and Breagha.
I could have stayed home and done all the housework. I’m so glad that I thought to do this.
I’m sitting here on a throne and this is my current view!
I had my headband, buff and gloves on…. But the end of the walk I am very toasty and it’s all off!
These may have been ice houses where food was stored and kept cold, on the Castle Semple estate.
Craig gave me directions to the Collegiate Church ruin.
There are graves inside it.
We then found ourselves in the rhododendron maze!
Thankfully we got out… there was a point where I was secretly hoping the path would lead us out! 😂
Just look at these colours. Wow.
It’s lovely to see Calaidh doing so much exploring. It’s good for her to get such a good walk. I should do this more often.
Isn’t nature just stunning.
I was in my element just walking around taking photos and Calaidh was loving it. I’m so glad I went.
We used to walk the dogs here all the time when we first moved in, and I’ve not been back in years.
Craig picked me up at 12 and we headed to Gro Coffee for lunch. My favourite!
Craig had Stornoway black pudding with chorizo and 2 poached eggs with siracha mayo. It’s was amazing.
Mine not so much. I had the Katsu curry and sadly the sauce was as gelatinous as it looks.
It’s the first time I’ve ever eaten in Gro and it’s not been out of this world with spectacular flavours. I’d fasted for 20 hours and I’d hoped for something super tasty. I took photos of the cakes but we didn’t bring any home.
They really are as big as they look!!
So it’s 4.15pm, the sun has gone and I’m shattered! I’m super stiff from all the walking. I feel about 102 when I get up from a seat.
I’ve got my feet up on the couch now and that might be me for the evening.
I’m on the train heading into our big smoke, Glasgow. I’m off to meet Mum’s cousin, Joyce, for lunch. Something we’ve talked about doing so often but actually never quite get around to planning… yet here we are! She’s waiting for her train in Edinburgh and I’m almost in Glasgow so I can walk from Central Station to Queen Street Station and meet her.
I didn’t get to bed until 11pm last night after the Beith Young Farmers concert. Louise next door was amazing in it. She did so well, I don’t know where the years have gone but she’s grown up into such a lovely girl and it’s amazing to watch her up there.
I was awake at 6am… as usual and heading out with Calaidh, Bhruic and Freya before it even got light. (Sorry, Evelyn!). I did have my hi vis vest on and a head torch though so I was very visible. It got light pretty quickly as I walked. I forgot to pick up my phone but the sunrise was lovely and red.
I dropped them home and got Khaleesi and the phone and headed back out again.
We met Rachel two doors down, with Nacho, so once again it was great to have company on the dog walk.
Khaleesi is still fascinated by the cows! This big bull was staring at her too but the moment had passed by the time I got my phone out!
Showered and off to catch the 10.12 train to Glasgow Central.
Glengarnock Station was looking really quiet this morning on the Glasgow bound side.
I loved the colours on this mild autumn morning.
😂 I’ll take a photo of anything!
My trip with Helen from Exmouth into Exter made me appreciate the beauty of our journey into Glasgow. The colours are amazing this morning, I’m sure it’s going to rain at some point.
It was much colder in Glasgow than I was back home, yet it’s only half and hour away. I wish I’d worn a proper coat instead of my denim jacket. I also took a cosy black dress off as I thought I’d be too hot. Nope, freezing! 😂
I’m early to meet Joyce so took a wander around to take some photos of Glasgow… of course I did!
This is Central Station.
This is the Citizen where we are going for lunch.
I have to say that it strikes me that Glasgow is pretty quiet traffic wise but that’s the first time I’ve been in since the Low Emission Zone came into force. It’s definitely easier to cross the roads!
This is George Square. The heart of Glasgow city. It’s pedestrianised at two sides now, such a difference. It seems more European if that’s possible.
Here’s our famous Duke of Wellington statue with its traffic cone! A symbol of the humour of Glasgow. Every time they take it down, someone else puts it back up so I think it’s finally here to stay! (Shame about the scaffolding!)
Maybe as I’m more keen to travel and appreciate the present moment, I am much more aware of my actual surroundings. I used to fly through here and barely look up.
The city was the draw for everything when we were younger. Every night out, every celebration. I feel like it’s moved on and left me behind and now I can look at it as a tourist which is really quite nice.
In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. 🥰
I love this. I’m standing in Queen Street Station waiting on Joyce writing all this.
There’s a guy playing the customer piano in the station and he’s great! I’m nearly in tears with the emotion and memories that his music stirs up…. Anyway gotta go waltzing over to meet Joyce while he blasts Abba’s Mama Mia!
We have had such a lovely time! It’s been great to catch up and have such a good chat.
The Citizen is beautiful inside.
Even the toilets are lovely! (Uh huh…. I took photos inside the toilets 🚻)
The food was so good. We had drunken prawns with bread and olives to start followed by Grilled Halloumi Salad for mains. I’d love to know how they made that as it was so tasty.
It doesn’t look it in this picture but it was huge. There was a lot going on underneath the halloumi!
Lots of chat later and a quick wander around the shops and I’m back in Central Station ready for the 4.15 home.
I’ve done 15.5K steps so far and my legs and bunion joint are really sore. I need to do something about that. I don’t know why I’m so stiff. It does all seem to be muscular. Joyce did ask me today if I needed new knees?!?! 😳 I seriously hope I just need to loosen up the ones that I have 😂😘
I went in to work early today as it’s financial year end and I need to have all invoices reconciled by Tuesday. Was in for about 7.20 and didn’t get away until 4.20pm…. Did I get my reconciliation finished?!? Eh, naw! of course I didn’t.
I have to say, the old me would have stayed until yon time tonight to get it all finished. The new me might still do that on Monday night but I have two days to get it finished.
I love doing the reconciliation but I put EVERYTHING else before it today… then got really antsy that I couldn’t get to it.
I quickly catch thoughts that don’t serve me. It’s ok that a part of me feels this way. I joyfully release the thoughts and embrace the positive.
Anyway, I’ll get it done… because I have to. 😂
I have been ravenous for food today. My fasting really tested me today…. I’d drank a lot more water than usual and none of it was ever enough. I caved 15 minutes before lunch and then I was sooooo lucky as Ellison brought soup and a buttered roll, for lunch, again. I loved it!! I was still trying to get my hands on as much food for the rest of the day. Funny how some days are like that.
Check the colour of the sky when I left work tonight. It was SO dark!! It hasn’t rained yet but it really looked like it was going to.
I’ve been listening to an amazing podcast that Angela, my Health Kinesiologist, recommended. I’ll post a link to it. It’s called Diary of a CEO (which is not a pleasant thought for me as it’s a kick back to the old world) but, Steven Bartlett talks to Dr Tara Swart about how stress is contagious and can cause belly fat!! I could listen to Dr Tara Swart for hours as she has a lovely voice with clear explanations.
It’s really eye opening and shows how much we need human contact and how we sync in with each other. I’m fascinated by it. It’s a long one but well worth a listen.
So nothing much else to report. Still feeling a bit meh with no real words of wisdom. I think everyone is feeling the change of season as the nights start to draw in.
Oh I did order some lovely new bedding as a wee treat.
I usually spend £20 on our duvet covers as we have soooo many dogs, it’s impossible to keep anything good…. But these are GOOD ONES… as my Nana would say. Such a difference to sleep in a quality duvet. I also got a new actual duvet at the same time as ours was a good few years old. It was in desperate need of replacement!!
So I’m off to Largs tonight to see Beith Young Farmers Show. Louise next door is in it. I need to get up off the couch and get moving shortly!
A day that starts off with THE bat 🦇 signal isn’t usually going to be a good one… but when you’re driving to work and witness a wee one for real, it is really pretty cool.
A bat flew out of a hedge in the early morning light (just looked like a bird) and in my headlight showed an almost perfect bat signal. It was a very precious moment where you realise how beautiful nature can really be.
You can tell someone is feeling a bit brighter, waxing lyrical about random things like that. 🙄😆
Kinesiology was really good last night. Angela said that’s it’s good to approach a session when not in crisis mode. It allows you to tackle some genuine issues before they hit that fight or flight mode.
I have homework as well… an affirmation, which I thought was a good one.
I quickly catch thoughts that don’t serve me. It’s ok that a part of me feels this way. I joyfully release the thoughts and embrace the positive.
I do need to get my head around it being ok to feel a bit low some days….. These feelings are still very valid.
My friend Isy sent me this yesterday, which summed up exactly how I was feeling.
Today has been different altogether. I’ve been clear headed and focussed. I’ve not been anxious or paranoid.
We had a great Tartan management meeting today and I love a good meeting, a good communication session, a good discussion on the future. Can’t beat it!
It’s been a really good day.
Did I mention I bloody love driving a beetle. What a difference a car makes.
Hmmm I don’t have much to say today…. Yeah I know…. Doesn’t happen that often.
I had a very productive morning and cleaned out drawers of clothes BEFORE I went to work. I washed up last nights dinner dishes too. I was on a roll…
I love this.
I had another great sleep but I’m tired today. I couldn’t think as clearly as I have been. I was a bit more fuzzy headed.
I have Kinesiology tonight at 7.30pm and for once I don’t have some big burning issue to discuss. I’m sure I’ll come up with something once we start talking…. Hmmm maybe a bit of a meh day I guess.
I’m fine just no words of wisdom, no drama, no stress, no anxieties! As I write that I maybe think today sounds like a pretty good day!
I think I’ll share some photos that I haven’t shared for a while.
I left my work phone at home today. I spent 15 minutes wandering around work thinking that should be able to manage without it… I message Craig to see if he’d be near Tartan HQ today… nope. Then realised that I can’t even log on to the Xero accounting system so would be as well driving home to get it.
It was a beautiful morning. It was freezing cold and Bertie Beetle was very frosty.
The sky was absolutely stunning on the way to work…. I only have a photo when I left….
And when I arrived…
But the colours I saw in between were just something else. It was bright red at one point. I just wanted to stop and take lots of photos along the way. It was a stunning start to the day.
So it wasn’t the end of the world to drive home and back again all before 9am. I called ahead and had Craig get the phone ready and a black coffee in a takeaway cup!!
So another laugh today was my new fleecy leggings…. I put them out without seeing a dog this morning… zero hair until I had to come back for my work phone of course!
They are a bit thicker than the ones I had last year so I want sure if it was cold enough… when I saw the frost I deduced that it was.
After my homemade soup for lunch I was ROASTING!!!!
This is not the best photo but I had bright red cheeks all afternoon until I finally took my long sleeved T-shirt off from under my T-shirt.
I sat outside for a bit after my soup as I clearly thought it was warm enough. Anything to try and calm the heat down in my face 😂😂 so I can highly recommend the leggings but I might have to wait a few weeks to really appreciate their warmth. To be fair it turned into a lovely sunny day.
After work I took another 3 bags to the charity shop and this time really struggled to leave some of the stuff. I’m at the point now where I’m giving away things that really do mean something to me but I just don’t have the space for anymore.
My sloth cushion was up for sale before I even left the shop… I wanted to buy it back!!
Here it is in Abbie the Campervan when I first got it converted….
It’s a lovely cushion but I just don’t have space for it in my life anymore. I was sad to let it go though.
Anyway that’s my day today. Sitting in front of the wood burning stove in our newly cleaned sunroom.
The kitchen and sunroom feel so good since they’ve been blitzed. I walk into the room and can breathe. I know that sounds daft but I say it like it is.
The Rambling Sloth 🦥 