Another restful day in the house trying to get some strength back.
I woke with the alarm at 6.10am and text all the necessary people. I went back to sleep until 8am.
I got up and had breakfast again… Check me, 5 days in a row. I had coffee mid morning (DECAF!) and a lovely salad for lunch.
It’s 6.30pm and my head is finally clearing. I still feel really tired but I feel more awake, if that makes sense.
I spent the day on the couch or outside throwing balls for the dogs. I hung out some washing and then had to sit down for a rest. It just takes your body a bit to get moving again.
I stayed off social media and didn’t watch tv all day.
I’ve blood tests on Thursday but I’m popping vitamin supplements like they’re going out of fashion and really thinking about what I eat.
It doesn’t come that easily to me… but I’m trying.
There is a Mini Eggs Easter Egg talking to me from the kitchen. I’m not never going to eat it, I’m just trying to give myself the best chance just now.
I’ll miss my sidekicks.
Keek!
So onwards and upwards… back to work tomorrow. Lunch made. Clothes ready. All to give myself the best chance of least stress in the morning. Planning to the nth degree 😆
Isn’t it funny how the world is so much smaller now that I feel the need to say Mother’s Day UK as my title…. 😆 I know how much I panic when I see the worldwide Mother’s Day and think I’ve missed it!!
Our clocks went back last night so I woke at 6.30 which was actually 7.30am. We will do this for months now, won’t we?!
I’m nnot going to see Mum today. We cancelled yesterday as I hadn’t been well.
I have to be honest and say my poor, lovely Mum had to invite me in the first place. I’ve been so low in energy that I’d bought a card and a gift, weeks back, but I hadn’t finalised my plans to go through. I’d had a busy weekend planned and I knew I’d stress having to commit to the Sunday as well. It feels so very selfish. I had planned to get up early and go through for church, to surprise Mum, as I’ve done before, but I hadn’t committed it fully, even in my own head. I felt like the worst daughter when she asked me to come over. How awful after everything she does for me, to have to ask me to come. Maybe me just looking for another stick to hit myself with.
Truth is, I’ve been exhausted for weeks.
Running on empty.
I do what I have to do.
The bare minimum.
I have no drive or enthusiasm. I actually feel as zoned out as I did when I was on a high dose of Setroline antidepressants.
So one way or another I’m going to get to the bottom of this as I need to wake up and get my energy back.
Anyway back to Mother’s Day. I’ve said here before we were never able to have kids… for no real reason. We tried for a long time. I had 6 sessions of IUI which was incredibly hard alongside the most stressful job. Imagine leaving a meeting where you are being shouted and screamed at, to inject your tummy, in the toilets, bang on midday… with hindsight it was never going to happen. We made peace with that a long time ago.
Hence the millions of dogs we have collected 😆
These are my babies!
Craig did a lovely post on Scottish Dog Behaviourist today. Click the link to see it. He is very good with words.
So back to my Mum. She puts up with everything and listens to it all. I’m really enjoying our mini adventures that we’ve been having over the last few years. Making lovely memories.
So here’s to many more of these. The smiles say it all.
Thinking of the lovely ladies in my life, who are no longer with us.
This is my lovely Nana. ♥️
And my lovely Gran. 💜
And my lovely mother in law, Helen.
She’ll kill me for this photo but I love it and it will always make me smile!!! Can you hear the sound of the sea in a glass?!?!
There are so many women in my life that have helped shape me. I am grateful for them all.
Thinking of everyone who is sad today… it’s a tough one to navigate for lots of reasons.
The sun is shining here. I’m alternating between sitting on the couch and going outside to throw balls for the dogs.
Craig is away with Calaidh and Khaleesi to see his Mum today. Rumour has it there may be a wee food parcel coming my way when he comes home.
So back to dull sickness chat after all the anniversary excitement of yesterday.
I do t have much to say about my day. I woke with really bad acid reflux again this morning, despite being a good girl and eating 3 healthy meals yesterday.
Under doctor’s orders, nothing spicy, no fizzy drinks.
It’s so very strange for me to eat breakfast.
Chia seed pudding
I had a lovely coffee as well. Decaf of course.
I went straight back up to bed and lay and read for a few hours. I had a nap for an hour over lunch time.
Mum and Dad FaceTimed to check up on me!
I got lots of love from the puppers but Bhruic was ready for me to get up.
I moved down into the sunroom and under my crochet blanket.
I still have no energy, I feel exhausted but am not sleeping much through the day, I am weak and dizzy and my stomach is just really off.
Kisses from Khaleesi this time.
And now Calaidh….. not a minutes peace 😆
We’re now on the 2nd season of Bridgerton.
I’m wrapped under my crochet blanket cuddling Calaidh.
I’m warm and cosy…
I still don’t really know what this is, but my body seems to need it, so I am listening.
I’m even making Freya yawn!! it’s like the dogs are taking turns to look after me.
I have to say that some of the dog selfies are pretty shocking, I’ve got skin hanging off my face in places I’ve never noticed it before….. 🫣
I have spent some of my time today ordering multivitamins and collagen. I’ve been drinking lots of water.
Will make this a quick one tonight so I’m not on my phone all evening.
Today is our 15th wedding anniversary which is crystal I believe.
I can’t believe that we have been married for 15 years, the last few years have just flown by.
Craig, the gift giver extraordinaire has excelled himself again….
He listened to the remit which is either, we’re not doing gifts, are we or if we are please don’t spend a fortune!
He really should start a business on how to prepare the most excellent gifts, the thought that he went into just actually totally shut me up for once.
He bought everything on Vinted, so didn’t spend an absolute fortune.
I am now the proud owner of a Pandora charm bracelet, with a charm for every year of our marriage….
BUT…. He didn’t just give me a bracelet….. I got the individual pieces wrapped up one by one with lovely words explaining what that anniversary meant…..
♥️
♥️
♥️
He bought the little blue pouches.
He bought stencils and gold pens so he could mark each pouch with the year. The first sunshine pouch is the actual bracelet.
He cut out individual business card sized inserts to explain the thought behind the year.
He bought little glue dots to attach the charm to the card and to keep the pouches shut.
He chose a charm for every single year we have been together.
How lovely is that?
How caring?
How thoughtful?
I am very lucky.
It makes for a very full bracelet. He says we can only be married for a max of 5-6 years more as there’s no more space in it. He even said I don’t have to wear it every day as it’s more of a memento.
I love it.
I’m wearing it!
Think he’s a keeper?!?
Yeah this is actually the same guy 😆
You know I can’t let you all believe it’s always hearts and flowers, because you know it’s not.
Marriage is difficult and you have to work at it… sometimes you have to work at it every single day.
We’ve worked through our fair share of stuff but we are still here working on it together.
He will always win at gifts. 😆
(I got him our wedding whisky Old Pultney. Yes, that is all.)
Thanks to everyone for our anniversary wishes.
Just getting a takeaway tonight as I’m still not feeling great but I’m wearing my lovely bracelet!
I could feel it lying in my throat and as I rolled over it swirled around. 🤮
I got up for a bit and drank some water in the hope that would help, but it’s been there all day.
I went back to bed and got up about 11.30am but I didn’t sleep again despite being so tired.
I called the doctor as I started to think that I may need to go back on anti depressants as I’ve been so low and tearful.
I can’t seem to shake this.
I have built a life for myself that controls all my anxieties and has eliminated stress as much as possible.
I have very little stress in my life now… compared to life before depression.
I don’t drink.
I avoid caffeine.
I run over 5k twice a week.
I fast every single day to control my weight.
So the doctor’s appointment is made and I start looking into how I can create my own serotonin.
I feel like I’ve been down for a large part of this year… I feel like such a failure as it says to me, that I can’t cope with my stress free, new controlled life either.
I am the first person to recommend antidepressants to everyone. I just know that this is different.
So by chance the Crochet Hookers had been talking about breakfasts last night and started sharing some food chat on our Hooker WhatsApp….. it got me thinking….
90-95% of our seratonin comes from our gut.
My gut is subjected to anywhere between 16-20 hours of fasting a day (I love it!!!) but when I’m tired, the eating window is taken up with fairly fast food.
I love, love, love, love, love fasting.
But, after 16-20 hours I fill my stomach with ultra processed, starchy carbohydrates and my stomach acid goes nuts. Hence the acid reflux.
I also get zero nutrition.
Is it possible that I have no energy at all because I’m not giving myself enough?!?!
By the time the doctor calls, I have self diagnosed. 🫣😆
I’ve got an appointment for bloods next Thursday, I’ve to stop fasting and to try and go back to 3 meals a day.
I have never been a fan of breakfast.
But I will try.
She did also say that it could be down to menopause or a viral infection but she didn’t like the sound of my fasting and junk food diet.
I have had another very lazy, or restful day. I haven’t slept at all but I have tried to eat cleaner.
Claire sent me in some lovely soup.
She’s been trying to encourage me to meal plan for years, bless her.
It just doesn’t interest me or excite me but, if I have to try it to improve my current state of mind, then I will give it my best shot.
I also had counselling with Better Help at 4pm.
I was going to cancel but this is one of the sessions I had paid for in advance. I’m not sure I’m getting much out of it this time. It’s still good to talk.
I made some oat milk in my oat milk making machine 😆 and then some overnight chia puddings… just using up stuff in the house.
I still feel totally shattered but I had to make the effort. This will do me for breakfast for the next few days. Though I will need to get some protein as well.
I had some for my dinner as everything else I have is processed.
I feel like I make everything quite hard work.
I feel like others sail through life while I’ve got to control so much to keep me feeling well (jeez the stomach acid took a jump there!)
It is what it is.
I need to make peace with that.
I either bore the pants off you all or keep you entertained and relieved that your life doesn’t seem to be as hard.
I’ve said it before but I maybe really need to just calm the F down. 🙊
We’ve just had the heaviest rain shower…. The garden flooded really quickly.
I’m also having a Bhruic keeping the ball from Calaidh evening 😆 she’s such a cheeky pup.
I felt quite refreshed and seem to have cast off the sluggish shroud I’ve been carrying.
Up, showered, Donna Ashworth Words to Live By journalling….. and then all of a sudden, trampled by a herd of wildebeest let out of their room….. 😆😆😆 ok I exaggerate but 4 very excited puppers can create some pace!
It was a busy day again at work.
Things have changed a fair bit at work and we’re now building our own vans for sale. The first one sold today so that was good news.
I’d also been selling off old parts on eBay and I sold 2 things today too. one day I’ll clear the shelves of everything we no longer need!
The only negative was lack of WiFi, it’s been off all week, funny off the back of having no internet in the house last week. So I’ve been trying to work from a personal hotspot that keeps being kicked out when WiFi tries to kick back in. I think I did every job 2 or 3 times today!!
Ellison and I sat out at lunch and had the loveliest homemade cheesecake that one of the guys brought in. Sooo good.
By the afternoon I was back to exhausted and feeling really low. My bones ache and even bread hurts the sores in my mouth.
Claire, next door, very kindly offered to cook me dinner in case I was eating ice cream again, how lovely is that?! I was a good girl though and I’d had a roll with ham and cheese.
Anyway, still feeling rough.
No reason behind it, nothing I’m not saying. Nothing I’m not admitting to myself.
Just need some new batteries and I’ll be right as rain.
I’ve had a lemsip and I’m off to watch Bridgerton on Netflix, because it makes me smile and bed at 8.
We had a really busy day at work today and the sun shone until about 4pm… just in time for finishing work.
So.
I find it really hard to write the blog when I feel a bit low. Yet I always promised I’d be honest.
I’ve not been the best version of myself this last wee while.
Again as I woke, I knew I didn’t feel great. I’ve had a dodgy stomach and felt really queasy all morning.
Thankfully the queasiness passed and I had ice cream for dinner. That helped a bit but I still don’t feel right.
I’m just so tired and sad just now. For no reason. There is no big bad thing I’m hiding.
I turn every negative into a positive.
I’m empathetic to others.
I’m working on the Let Them theory.
I’m a completely different person from the one who went off sick with anxiety and depression all those years ago, and still I have times where I can’t lift my mood.
I’m 52 and going through menopause and honestly it could just be that. Hormone fluctuations.
Whatever it is, I don’t like it.
This deep seated exhaustion or fog that I can’t think through. At times I feel that all I want to focus on is sleep.
Soulosophy333 and Simply Anxious
Isn’t this next one lovely.
Soul Words – Eve Fylan (a great follow!)
I’ve been through a lot worse and survived 100% of my days so far.
I didn’t feel great as soon as I opened my eyes this morning.
I’d had a straight 8/9 hour sleep and woke up feeling exhausted.
I can’t think straight.
My head feels full of cotton wool.
It feels like nothing else matters except rest.
I feel so bad because Craig is so busy with work right now I feel like I should be more alert.
It’s ridiculous but I’m so tired. I’ve actually taken to dictating this through voice notes. Who knew that was a thing?!? I suppose smiling at that!
The dogs were great this morning and let us sleep and it was about 830 before I got up.
I came downstairs, let them outside and started to build a fire in the wood burner. I got the coffee on. I had the room all cosy for Craig getting up.
We have coffee and lots of puppy cuddles. All 4 of them get a check to come up and sit in between us.
Calaidh is particularly happy about her turn 😆
There are lots of tennis balls 🎾 and then the fun ends when Bhruic steals the ball that Calaidh wants.
It’s under Bhru’s chin… don’t let her little sweetness and light look fool you.
Meanwhile Calaidh is sitting on Khaleesi as she gives Bhru the death stare.
I didn’t move until 10.45 when I started the dog walks.
I listened to the sound of the birds. I watch the single deer 🦌 try to decide which way to go, to get away from us.
It’s cloudy and overcast but it’s a lovely morning. Very peaceful.
I’m really sorry that I feel like I’m moaning all the time these days. There is no real reason for it, there is nothing particularly bad happening.
I just can’t seem to be content.
Speaking of tents…. See what I did there?!
We have a small 4 man tent that we keep as a spare that I’d like to use it to go away camping…. It’s got a broken zip so I thought I’d escape my head and go and fix it.
I get the tent up in the back garden and I fix the zip…. It takes some time but I get it back on the runners.
I am so pleased.
It’s not running perfectly so I get the zip wax.
I wax the zip.
I go for the pliers to tighten the actual zip head.
There’s a satisfying SNIP.
I didn’t want a satisfying snip.
My pliers are snips.
It sliced through the zip.
Right in the middle.
And it gets so much worse.
It was the outside zip that was broken.
I snipped the inside zip.
That was the one that still worked.
I cried for our lovely tent.
Never try to fix a tent zip when your heads not the best.
Follow me for more great advice.
I stuff the tent back in the bag.
And sat down to face Donna Ashworth’s question today…. 5 ways in which you are beautiful written from the point of view of your fiercest admirer. I’d run a mile when I saw it this morning.
I opened up Donna’s book To The Women, at this page.
I put Spotify on, got my pen ready and James blunt belted out You’re Beautiful.
Wonderful synchronicity.
We have to take the small moments. The small wins, the small joys.
They all build up into something bigger and one day sadness will be gone.
It’s 3.23pm and it’s actually been a surprisingly nice day. the forecast was for rain all day.
I woke just before 6am and it had rained overnight. It was raining on and off.
Coffee & Quotes
Rachel, Caryn and I ran at 8am. It was pouring just before we went out but, we were so lucky that we hardly had any rain while we rain.
It was actually the perfect weather for a run. Misty and cloudy with the odd, cool shower.
We ran 6.4kms this morning and it felt really good. It was Caryn’s first run back after having a baby and she did so well…. I was breathing way harder than she was!
It’s the first run in a T-shirt for a long time.
Back home and straight out with Calaidh and Khaleesi, with Rachel and Nacho. Forgot to take photos.
Then I picked up the other 2 Borders and walked all 3 of them. Calaidh getting a second walk again!
Calaidh having a wee head shake!
So, not gonna lie, I am tired….. hardly surprising after all that exertion. I’d planned to gut the house today but actually only did the sunroom, kitchen and dining room before I went for a shower. It’s always strange washing shorter hair for the first time. My wet hair used to be 5 hands lengths and now it’s only 2!
I have sat on the couch in the sunroom and watched Running Point on Netflix.
I’ve crocheted while I watched and had a really lovely, quiet afternoon.
I’m so tired just now and I don’t really know why.
Donna Ashworth’s question today was to write about something that was not sitting right with us. I’ve not done anything on Her Travel Circle recently and it’s really bothering me…. Just not enough to actually do anything just yet. I posted this on Donna’s post this morning and got so many lovely comments from women telling me it was ok. It’s just not the right time and it will come. It’s such a supportive group.
I’m so grateful to be able to have the time to sit and relax. I feel like I do it a lot just now but it really is my favourite thing to do.
Serenity and Spirit
I try so hard to be upbeat and positive as that’s the message I want to share….. but tonight I’m sharing that allowed myself to do nothing and to relax…. Yes, again…. I have switched off and zoned out and had a lovely day.
I didn’t feel particularly rested after last nights’ sleep. I woke with a clenched jaw and still a bit irritable.
It’s really hard when you do everything you can to not feel like this but some days it’s hard.
I’m finding I have a few days a month where everything irritates me. I am on a very short fuse but I’m trying very hard to be aware of it and trying not to snap. When I feel overwhelmed.
That doesn’t mean there’s anything bad happening just that I am way more irritated than usual.
I was straight out on the dog walks by 8am. It’s much milder but still a cold breeze. It’s good to be out in the fresh air.
I take Calaidh, Bhru and Freya up the hill first and give them a good run around. I forgot to take my phone so there are no photos!
2nd walk with Khaleesi and I take Calaidh with me again.
Khaleesi sniffing the daffies.
The sun has finally made an appearance.
She’s stopped to take photos again…..
I love this tree with the wee gap for cows to come and say hello.
I love this row of daffodils. They are there every year. So pretty and always my first real sign of spring.
Never work with animals!!!
Calaidh always knows how to pose like a lady.
The deck is covered in leaves and twigs again so I swept it all, I forgot to take an after photo but I enjoyed being out in the garden.
I also repotted a house plant. The root bed was soooo dense I broke the pot trying to get it out.
It was bloody hard work.
Then across the road to the hairdressers…. Got to love village life when your hairdresser is directly over the street from you. Before and after shots.
I didn’t get it coloured but it looks completely different! The blond ends are all gone.
I’m so pleased with it. It will be so much easier to manage in the summer.
So I was just about to leave for a wee afternoon in Largs, when Craig came home between jobs and I marched him out to Mocha JaK’s for lunch. (Again! Second Friday in a row…. 🥴😬)
That is Crème Egg Cookie…. 🍪 🫣🥴😆🫶🏼
Needless to say, we won’t be having dinner tonight!
When I got back I helped my neighbour, Kenny, plant onions… as you do! He’s giving me a bed to plant some of my own as we can’t really grow onions in the garden as they are toxic to dogs.
I thought I’d do a Spot the Collie on this next photo taken from the sunroom window!!
Freya loves to be outside, keeping her eye on everything. 😆
I also planted my Valentine’s Day Irish Oak tree today. Not looking very exciting for now but it’s a start….. 😆
It is in this pot… honest!
So here’s the answer to Spot the Collie!!
So yeah, that’s my day today.
I’ve been ok, I still feel very tired and drained but hey, I have the fire on and candles lit and will search for something on the tv now that we finally have internet! Though my book might just do me. 😆
First of all I have always thought that 20th March 2020 was the night that the Scottish Government announced that all pubs, restaurants etc were to close for a COVID-19 lockdown.
I may be a few days out, as I looked it up and goggle suggests that lockdown started on 24th March 2020…. But either way, can any of you believe that was 5 years ago?!?
Our lives changed completely and most of us stayed home.
I had already been home since then end of June 2019.
Off sick for the 2nd time with anxiety and depression. The rest of the world just joined my new stay at home life.
I am hoping that we get similar weather this year as we were so lucky with the weather in lockdown.
It was lockdown that triggered my blog.
The first one was published under Overland and Borders, which was our overlanding instagram name…. I think the first 145 or so blogs came out before I changed to The Rambling Sloth. I can’t find the first ever one. I can’t believe I’ve been rambling since then!!
Anyway I digress, spring equinox really gave us some lovely warmth today.
Eleanor Brownn with 2 N’s
The day when the light is the same length of time as the dark.
From tomorrow the light takes over!
Ellison and I sat out at lunch AND had to take hoodies off…. It was that warm.
Too warm for the fleece trousers and fur lined boots!
I went to the shops after work and was so hot!!
I should make it clear that I am not complaining. It was lovely to feel a bit of warmth.
So for International Day of Happiness I thought this was very appropriate.
Donna Ashworth asked us all about sadness in her journal today. She said we have to allow sadness in, to allow it to pass to make way for happiness.
I am not good with letting sadness in…. I resist it every step of the way until I’m exhausted. I would like to learn to accept that it’s there, listen to what it’s telling me and to let it move on when it’s ready.
I downloaded Mel Robbins The Let Them Theory today.
I joined Audible for 99p a month for the next 3 months and I just have to remember to cancel my subscription before it jumps to £7.99. I’m on chapter 3 already. I like listening to a self help book!
And finally that reminds me….. a word to the wise on Better Help Therapy.
I was so impressed with the process when I joined. Impressed with the thorough and detailed questionnaires to get you started.
I did say that there was no mention of the time that I was available for counselling and that the therapist who is allocated to me can only see me once or twice a week if I’m lucky enough to be able to get an appointment with her.
I’ve had 3 sessions so far and thought I’d hold off for a bit and see how I get on…… I just realised today that I must have signed up to a weekly subscription and the onus is on me to make sure I get an appointment in that time. I honestly had no idea.
I can change therapist at any time but since the timing of appointments is not part of the questioning, I’ll be lucky to find someone who does evenings.
They have just replied to say they have extended my credit to allow me to book two further sessions. With hindsight, I’d prefer a refund but the money has gone now and it might do me good.
You live and learn.
It’s been so lovely to feel a bit of warmth today. To shed the crochet blanket I’ve been hiding under for the last few weeks. It’s another lovely day tomorrow, so I’m looking forward to that AND haircut!!
It’s been a beautiful day all day today, albeit pretty cold to start off with.
I love this time of year when the car defrosts itself as the sun comes up.
I woke at 2.30am and again a few minutes before the 5.25 alarm.
Claire, Lynsey and I were running at 5.45.
This is me in the middle of the road waiting on Lynsey to drive around the bend, those are her headlights!!
As we ran through Beith our memorial bear 🐻, Woody, has been knocked down in an accident last week. I don’t think anyone was hurt thankfully…. Except for poor Woody knocked off his plinth.
The sunrise is so lovely.
It was fast and I ran out of steam towards the end!
Here we are, all done. I think this was my fastest 5k to date as it was 6:56/km and I’m usually way over 7:00.
I was pretty pleased with that but I look like I’m walking past this photo!!
So this is the last hair wash before I get my hair cut on Friday…. I thought I’d take a photo to remind me how long it was! I think my eyes look really tired and heavy. Ok… I have just run 5.4kms but I have no energy at all just now.
My words for the month are FAITH and TRUST… I like this next one.
We’ve not been able to do much on Her Travel Circle recently as Craig’s been really busy, which is great and I’ve been such a home bird since I came home. I’m sure it will come. I have to trust the journey.
Ellison and I sat outside for lunch today and it was actually quite nice.
We even got the Tartan Campers logo over our shoulders 😆
So yeah I am hanging at the moment. Just have no welly at all…. 😆 my get up and go has got up and went!!
I’m off to meet the Crochet Hookers in 10 and I have cancelled in my head so many times but I am going…. I have to finish my latest blanket!
I was asleep on the couch between 7 and 8.20pm when Craig came in from work. Up to bed after 9 and slept right through until 4.50am.
I should have just got up then but I went back to sleep and then felt drugged but the time the alarm went off. 😆
It was a beautiful morning with thick frost on the car. Thankfully it melted in the sunlight, before I had to scrape the windscreen. Only had to scrape the passenger window! Result!
The day passed quickly. It was warm then it was cold, I kept singing Katie Perry’s Hot N Cold. 😆
Oh how I amuse myself ☀️🥶
I’ve just put that on Spotify as I write this!
We still have no internet which basically means no TV….. this is ok…. I will survive.
I have another good book, which Mum got me for Christmas (not lunch… as I just typed and had to delete!!)
So that’s my reading again for tonight.
Oh I also got a Vinted delivery with another pair of Gazelle Bold trainers!! I got these for half price and they’ve never been worn.
These are my summery trainers. I just love the colours. 🩵🧡
So I am sorted for footwear this year. I need to sell some of the boots I’ve not been wearing this year…. It’s time to move them on. Although in hindsight, not the best time to sell boots 😆
I also treated myself to pair of Powder socks in the little gift shop this weekend…. As I knew the trainers were coming.
You’ll not miss me on a dark night in these…. I am the girl who bought every pair of shoes in black so they went with everything!!
Oh how times have changed. 🥳
So the fire is on, tunes are playing, I will light the candles…. And relax.
I have been really tired this last week. While, I know, the more I sleep, the more I want to sleep, but I must need it.
I’m running with the girls at 5.45 so will be a super early night tonight…. It’s getting earlier every night 😆 there is nothing better than getting the electric blanket on, in our cold bedroom and getting cooried in bed. Heaven.
I’m getting old 😆
Peace Compassion Love
So really when I think about it, I’ve been pretty clam these last few days, there’s no anxiety, just peace. Maybe that’s why I’m so tired, I’m finally letting myself just ‘be’.
Live a happy life
Huge happy birthday to my friend Lea. She’s the kind of friend every girl should have. 🫶🏼😘she’s been there through it all, always says the right things and is always there. She’s a keeper!!
I didn’t wake before 4am but it felt great not to have to get up until after 6pm.
I opened Donna Ashworth’s To the Women this morning at a random page. I love this. 🫶🏼
I’m staying back after work to write this tonight as we have no internet 🛜 at home just now as someone (most likely not Craig…) has nibbled the internet cable 😆😆😆
It would be awful not to be able to post the blog tonight as a result.
I did see a few red flashing lights this morning as I left the house, but I didn’t think anything of it.
Come to think of it… I hope it WAS a dog and not anything else 😆😆
So yeah, I don’t have much to say tonight.
I have a cheek to be tired after my relaxing day and great sleep, but I’m looking forward to reading a new book tonight…. Since I can’t watch tv. 😆
I have sat under my crochet blanket for 90% of the day so far.
I’ve been so cold this weekend, it’s just been so lovely to snuggle and be at peace.
We got up at 7 and got under our respective crochets asap with Khaleesi in between.
We realised how old and worn looking, Craig’s crochet blanket has become. It’s been requested I make him a new one. 😆
Other than walking the dogs, and eating, I have literally done nothing!!
It’s been really lovely to have a day to just read a book. I never really do that.
There are still photos… of course!
We took the dogs for a walk around 10.45am.
It hasn’t really got sunny here all day today. It’s been milder but I’ve still been freezing. today I was a vision in khaki and sage green.
We got back home just before the Glasgow old firm football match and I sat in the sunroom, with the fire on, under my crochet blanket and read My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Piccoult.
Wow. I cried at the end. Did not see that coming.
I have had many puppy cuddles through the day!
This face says give me your lunch Mumma but I know I’m not allowed to get too close where you’re eating….
Please gimme some…. I did move a bit closer
Whatcha eating?!? I pinched Calaidh’s place.
I just need cuddles Khaleesi says.
Now I need cuddles, Calaidh says…..
It’s been all go cuddling and tickling dogs while reading a book.
What a lovely relax. It’s just after 4pm and I could do with my bed for a nap!
Help me I’m falling off my perch….
We’ve just played Outsmarted which we thought was a board game. We did it all online on our phones. I actually quite enjoyed it.
I was indeed, outsmarted, but that was hardly up for debate although I did start off better than expected.
I can’t remember the exact date I started but it was around the end of March 2020…. About 8 days after we went in Covid-19 lockdown in Scotland.
I’ve not written on a handful of days due to no signal or very low mood and I’ve duplicated a couple of days until I realised how easy it was to check the day number the day before 😆
I always do a wee stats recap on the significant number days…. Just to let new readers know a bit about me.
2,263 days without alcohol since January 2019. I had begun to use alcohol as a crutch to cope with my anxiety snd depression. It didn’t help that I was threatened with the sack every other week at work, trying to please management and please my team was an impossible task. I woke up with the fear all the time, I was miserable and sad, I shouldn’t have been drinking on antidepressants anyway. I was never any worse than the next “man” but I felt full of shame and knew I had to stop. I was blacking out. It wasn’t good. I drank twice in lockdown, the day the pubs announced they were closing and the night before they reopened. I felt AWFUL the days after. I haven’t touched a drop since. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done (living next door to the village pub) but it’s only one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given myself.
1,671 days without antidepressants. This is HUGE…. I was on antidepressants for YEARS. Maybe 25 or more. I felt suicidal in the December of 2019 and as a result of the daily blog journalling and no alcohol to make it worse, I was able to come off antidepressants.
867 days since I started on HRT. I did a lot of investigation into HRT and I believe it’s right for me. I upped the dose recently only to feel exhausted and down so I’m back on my standard dose and feeling back to normal.
813 days ago I decided to start fasting for 16 hours a day. I started on 20th December…. Right before Christmas… and I’ve fasted every day since. I just love it. It’s not for everyone but it’s completely controlled my bloating. I was always puffy and bloated. Turns out being a little bit hungry really works for me.
So that’s a quick recap on my life choices these last few years.
Turns out I’m a control freak. I try to control everything to give me the best chance of a good mood.
I LOVE a hangover free early morning. That never gets old. I feel like I have so many more hours in my day rather than losing evenings left, right and centre.
It turns out I’m nowhere near as outgoing as I thought I was. Mrs extrovert obviously needed a few sweet sherbets to keep her going.
I would say now that I’m only extrovert around the right people.
I love nothing more than alone time either in the house or away travelling somewhere.
This is the bit that needs work on next…. I need to get back into the world and not worry that I don’t drink. It is hard though. I choose this but I do feel left out when others are drinking and I’m not.
If I’m honest I think it smells disgusting now so I suppose that’s something 😆
So back to my day today. It’s another beautiful day in west, central Scotland.
Claire and I ran for 6.7kms this morning and I hit my 2 mile personal best!
My average pace wasn’t my fastest but we set it hard and then I was knackered for the second half 😆
How pretty was Spiers Old School Grounds at 7.15am?!?
I love these mini daffies that grow every year.
It’s really cold and frosty but just so beautiful.
My favourite gate.
And we’re done. My headband is covered in mildew… that sounds so much nicer than sweat….
My new favourite view… again….
I took Calaidh, Bhruic and Freya into the field to play before our walk and Calaidh knew this branch was down on the ground, from the last time we’d been in. She went straight for it!
Look at Beith from up the hill. Wow.
And this is our wee Gateside.
Back down the hill to pick up Khaleesi and I took Calaidh back out again… she needs to lose a few pounds, bless her.
I’ve been running and walking for over 2 hours so I have a seat outside before my shower. Just throw the ball 🎾 Calaidh says…
I headed down to see Gayle in the little gift shop. She’s done a lovely renovation with new floor and she’s painted the walls a dark pink. It looks lovely. I didn’t take any photos dammit!
I ended up being there for an hour and half. I served a customer when she had a queue and had to clean dog poop from the front pavement 😆😆 as you do. I’m so used to that it doesn’t phase me.
Round the corner to Curiosity coffee shop and had an Oat Mint Latte with a lemon meringue blondie. Yum. Lots of lovely chat in there as usual.
Then I’m back home and scrubbed the kitchen from top to bottom…. Well from worktop to bottom, as the sun was shining in all the wrong places and showing up way too many dirty marks.
I’ve said before, you can’t live with 4 dogs and expect a clean house 😆 but it feels better now that I’ve done it!
I sat outside for a bit with lady Khaleesi on her bed. It’s really nice when the sun shines, but still too cold to sit out for any length of time.
So I’m back indoors, writing this and will crochet until Craig comes home.
He’s been away up north for a job today (did I say that already?!) it’s been a lovely day for the drive though.
It’s going to be a very big baby blanket…. I should have made two smaller ones but it is what it is!
I was in bed for 8pm last night and lights out at 8.30…. I did wake up when someone screamed at the tv as someone’s football team won and went through to the next round….. 😬😆
I woke again at 4am.
I knew the lunar eclipse would be starting so I looked outside, saw cloud and decided to go back to bed. By 4.30 the moon brightened the sky and I figured I’d be raging if I missed it…
So up, dressed in all the warm clothes I laid out last night, made a flask up and headed out.
Not exactly certain of my final destination but I set off in pursuit of the moon.
It peeked out from behind a cloud so I pulled it a lay-by.
This would be the best moon shot I got. Period. 😆
I never saw it again.
Determined not to give up I drove out to Largs and went in to the marina.
Again I thought it might be busy.
Nope.
I used my SkyView Lite app to search for the moon.
It was still very cloudy.
The app told me the moon was here 😆
So I decided to drive down to Portencross.
There were two cars in the car park… again I’d thought it might be busier.
The sky is getting lighter on the horizon, to the East, behind me.
I went for a walk round to Portencross Castle.
I walked out onto the rocks and the sky was lightening behind me.
The moon was here….
Still nothing!
It was really lovely to be up and about so early. It’s been a really long day.
The Isle of Arran in the distance.
The Blood Moon and Lunar Eclipse should have been right in front of me.
One last look for the moon that has finally set… now that the sky is clear 😆
I headed home as the sun came up. It was a beautiful drive.
I took the 3 Borders straight out.
They were like a box of frogs this morning . Super excited and skittish.
Look at the sky and the view. Wow.
It is still very cold… I’m well wrapped up.
Gate!!
And the farmers’ beautiful daffies are fully in bloom. So pretty.
Once home, I sat outside for a bit as I did my Donna Ashworth journal but I had to head in as I got too cold.
At 9am….. yup all that and it’s only 9am… I had my third counselling session.
We spent some time talking about how it’s ok not to be ok. I talk about that a lot and yet….. I never really forgive myself when I’m not ok.
Revelation.
I get upset when I’m not perfect, when I make mistakes.
I catastrophize when things don’t go my way.
My mind never stops flitting from one thing to the next and to the next.
She says my self esteem is very low and I should work on that.
I spend my life controlling every situation so as to avoid confrontation. To avoid the uncomfortable. I write this blog so you will know when times are tough and you will cut me some slack.
I cannot control anyone other than myself. I can try really hard to but that’s where I get the biggest kick back down when one of my controlling tactics, doesn’t work, or backfires.
The big question today is… am I always as positive as I might come across in the blog or I am forcing the gratitude to try to make myself feel better.
Huge food for thought.
Speaking of food… check this Biscoff Millionaries Shortbread.
It is as big as it looks!!!
Craig and I headed to Mochas JaK’s after I’d gone to bed for an hour for a nap. I felt way better after that.
We had a lovely lunch and came home to sit outside.
I was cold. 😆
I’m now cosy in the living room, wrapped in several layers and covered in my crochet blanket, with Calaidh at my feet.
A lovely day but if I’m honest a sadness brought out in the counselling that needs some work.
There, that’s better, the actual truth 😬🥴😆
Have a lovely Friday night… this day is going on forever and ever!
Don’t laugh but I took the earlier as I went out to see where the moon set….
I am planning a possible early morning excursion to watch the Lunar Eclipse tomorrow morning.
This is the information local to me…. Stephen and the night sky is a great follow .
I have to think about it and plan it tonight. I can’t be waking all the dogs trying to get ready. I just need to plan an escape and be off.
If I am going…… I’m looking at the forecast now and it might be cloudy…. Dammit 😆
So this happened today….. FB have finally relaxed their “we will not recommend The Rambling Sloth” to anyone.
That feels like good news. I was working hard to grow the page myself but 530 followers in 5 years does feel a bit slow 😆😘
I’ve a new find…. Spectrum Sloth!
Spectrum Sloth on FB – Love it!!
I am shattered today but I’m putting that down to the large Cajun mac n’cheese and chips I had for lunch!
I did say to Ellison that I’m way more envious when other people order them than I actually enjoy them myself. That doesn’t seem to be English but you know what I mean 😆
Work when really fast, it’s been a fast week and here I am at the weekend again. I’m so grateful for the weekend with no plans.
Craig was home before me tonight, first time I’ve seen him this week! Poor love was sat out in the garden in the cloud… it clouded over just as I left work.
So we’re watching a movie while I crochet. I’ll get a photo of the crochet in the sunlight this weekend.
There’s football on later so I will be having a nice early night.
Kristen Butler
And finally….. it feels like everyone needs to see this these days.
I woke twice through the night…. The second time was 3.45am.
I tossed and turned until the alarm at 5.25am.
Not sure why… it felt like caffeine pumping through my veins but I wasn’t aware of having had any.
It was getting light as we set out for our run this morning!!
Coffee & Quotes 💛💛💛
The moon was just about to go down and was very bright. This is 2 days before the full moon.
Of course I had to stop for photos along the way!!
That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it 😆
This felt like a fast one today.
It was super cold so I struggled to breathe and keep up. It does make for some great photos though.
I didn’t think my head was in the game today but it’s much faster than I’ve run for months, so I’m pleased about that.
And thank goodness we are done. I was beetroot and the sweat was pouring down my face when I got in.
It was another lovely, clear sky all the way to work… I did have to defrost the car this morning.
This morning passed quickly and I had my outpatients appointment for my breast lump this afternoon.
It’s about 6 weeks since my initial Doctor’s appointment.
I have to say the NHS outpatients appointment was a very well oiled machine.
You check in to reception and I sat in the waiting room for about 20 minutes.
I then got taken in to the Doctor who did a very thorough investigation and examination. He said that he was convinced there was nothing sinister and it was either lumpy breast tissue or one big cyst or a collection of smaller cysts. He drew pen around the worst of the lump.
I suspected as much as they are full of cysts, but it’s always a relief to hear.
I’ve no sooner sat back down in the waiting room, texted Craig and Mum, then I’m off again for Mammogram…. another round of quick fire questions.
The mammogram was sore. Guys this will be too much information but you also need to know what we go through!
It’s always uncomfortable… standing at a funny angle with your boob squashed flat between two plastic plates…. But try doing that when you’re pumped full of oestrogen due to the HRT increase and they’ve been sore for weeks anyway. It was always going to hurt. It would have been so much worse if I’d had it down about 4 weeks ago, so I took solace in that.
Sit back down in the waiting room only to be called again for Ultrasound!
So impressive.
Quick fire questions again in Ultrasound…..
Then she finds it and says what do you want me to do?!?
She says it’s only about 2cms big but she can aspirate….. she vests a huge big needle out and drains it right there and then. She gets just over a half a syringe full of fluid.
Bish. Bash. Bosh.
Done and dusted in about an hour and a half.
(I secretly hope I have gone down a bra size as a result…. 😆)
I’m sore just now but it’s just with all the poking and prodding. I’m very relieved that’s all there is to it.
So back at my desk by 2.45pm.
So many women don’t get that news. I felt very aware of that today. No one looks happy sitting in that waiting room, everyone looks a little tense. I hope everyone today got off as easily as I did.
I came home from work and made chickpea and tomato curry.
It was really tasty!!
So I’m just off to meet the Crochet Hookers now! Looking forward to carrying on with my baby blanket!
The Rambling Sloth 🦥 