Day 1363 feeling calm except for 3 pit-banger moments 🤦🏻‍♀️

I could not settle last night. Someone was a bit snorey but honestly I can sleep through that some nights, just not last night. I moved down to the couch about 1.30am.

My arms were jittery after crochet, I was just restless. I’m still recommending the pillow under the knee through the night. That’s made a huge difference.

I was working early this morning, making up time in advance as I’ll be late in on a Tuesday as I have blood tests for my knee at 8.50am. So that’s an hour and 15 minutes down already.

So up off my couch at 5.45am and was showered and in the car by 6.15am.

Setting up my stereo to play a podcast… and I CALLED MY DAD!!!! At 6.15am…. Panic ensues and much frantic pressing of buttons later I cancel my call to Dad, only to CALL MUM!!!! By this time I’m actually laughing… I’ve already had to wake Craig by popping back upstairs for my glasses…

If you’re reading this and I didn’t try to wake you this morning… I think you should be pretty grateful. I was trying to wake the world.

I’m at my desk for 6.45am and there’s no internet…… NO…….. I switch it all off…. And a witch it back on again and go wash the mountain of mugs that have , only one of which is mine obviously 🙄 . By the time I get back, the internet is back. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

My ego would have dined out on that in the past….. imagine going in early and the internet is down, I’d stress, get angry, be incensed that it wasn’t going my way. Today, initial jeezo man then nothing… only resolution.

I felt calm today yet two things early on sent me up on my pit banger (I don’t even know what that is or why I use that analogy but I hit orbit and come straight back down!). One thing I had been super prepared for, but not bought from the correct supplier so my smugness was wasted and the second I’d bought parts for something that hadn’t been used and different parts were needed instead.

This is my job. It’s that simple. I buy things.. among lots of other things. 😂

Both of these things mean that I need to do something else fast to allow production to keep going. No one is angry at me…. No one is even annoyed at me. Output is not stopped.

I am RAGING…. For those 30 seconds to a minute about each issue. My ego wallops straight back down to earth and it kind of furtively looks around to see if anyone noticed…. Of course they did. For a few seconds I was in orbit moaning on and on about the injustice of it all….

Overreaction much…. The injustice that you have to cancel one order and buy more parts which took me all of about 4 minutes. Hardly a problem.

I had a previous job that was a massive blame culture. People actively fought to point the blame away from them. I wore that blame like a badge when it was actually my fault and told EVERYBODY how it had come about. I thought if I could explain it fully then there would be less aggression pointed in my direction, at me and my team. I would tell anyone who was willing to listen… and even those who weren’t!

Holding up production is a huge trigger for me.

There was something else later on that was worse. I’d misunderstood something and given the wrong direction to Upholstery. again launches with the “it’s my fault” and I’m trying to explain why I did what I did and why…… expecting the aggression that used to come. Pit banger up to the ceiling, tears because I thought I was being misunderstood. Come straight back down to earth, apologise profusely and spend of the rest of the day in some calm but uncomfortable cringe.

I’d like to stop that volcanic eruption or rocket launch 🚀 as it’s unnecessary . When I think back I used to manage a team and be constantly kicking off left, right and centre, how did I ever manage?!? I am grateful that I’m not that person anymore, she just rests her ugly head at times, she’s my go-to defence mechanism.

How apt that this pops up on my feed tonight…. “The mental resistance to things which arise, and the assumption that they should not”…. Exactly what happened today.

I’m glad when home time comes. (😂 that reminds me of school!)

Toenail appointment at 5pm which was lovely… and I have nice summery, salmony orange toes, gone is the red Christmas sparkle that no-one saw anyway!

The world is full of sadness at the moment. There is so much death, illness, and so many accidents locally just now. I do feel very grateful to be alive. I still feel very positive and upbeat but those 3 events surprised me today. I won’t dwell on them though as I can’t change them, I can only learn from them.

So once again I feel so much better after writing this down….

The Scottish Dog Behaviourist is working late again tonight so I’m going to work on my self care Clever Fox journal (or Foxy journal as the Windsor Waffle calls it! 🦊) and I’m going to have an early night and do my knee exercises before I go to sleep.

After I hang up the washing.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1362 stuck for a title 😂 another calm day 🫶🏼

😂😂 midweek blog titles are sometimes difficult when life seems a bit like Groundhog Day.

I have to say that I’ve had another good day. My head is very calm just now, my mind is focussed and I’m tackling spreadsheets like there is no tomorrow. I’m in my spreadsheet element… if there is such a thing.

I had THE best sleep last night.

No knee pain at all… no waking up that I can remember… until 6.04am… 6 minutes before the alarm. I love that. I’m so grateful for a good sleep.

I was up and at it today as it’s hair wash day. I had to get the dogs up and outside before I left as they were in bed early last night…. Only because I was. 😆

The Scottish Dog Behaviourist didn’t get home until 10.40pm…. A real late one for him and I was long gone, out for the count.

I’ve found lots of motivational quotes tonight…

I feel really different since the Christmas break and I don’t know why but I love it. I feel lots of hope and dare I say excitement for each day at the moment, even if they are spent at work. I know so many people are going through some really difficult things and it makes me extra grateful of my own peace of mind.

I had a lovely salad for lunch in my new Brabantia salad bowl.

Didn’t I just go and leave my lunch bag at work though… dammit.

Last night I said I promised I would go and look out my knee exercises…. I forgot by the end of the blog. Of course I did.

I remembered today…. Got them out my handbag and realised most of them have to be done lying in bed. Of course they do. So I couldn’t do them before I started work like I thought.

I put them in my sandwich bag………… 😂

Won’t be doing any exercises until I retrieve said sandwich bag and hit my bed tomorrow night now. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

It’s the return of the Crochet Hookers tonight so I’m off next door to the pub to get my hook on. And my alcohol free gin and slim.

Stay safe everyone 🧶🧶🧶

Day 1361 normal service of day numbering has been resumed 😆

So yesterday I randomly called the blog day 1400 because of course that follows from day 1359 🤦🏻‍♀️😆 NOT….. hey I’ve done this every night for 1361 days so sometimes the concentration might slip 😂 that’s my excuse anyway.

Thanks to an anonymous person on WordPress, for pointing it out. I laughed out loud when I read his comment. 😂

So back to day 1361 (I just typed 2361 there… one of those days!)

I had a more broken sleep last night. 7 hours 29 looks good but I felt like I was awake from 3am. My knee wasn’t agony but it kept twinging and waking me up.

As I write that I realise I STILL haven’t even opened the physio exercises yet?!? How hard is it to read a bit of paper?! I’m meant to be doing them 3 times a day.

Will do them after this. Promise.

Yesterday a dandelion wish flew out of a drawer I was clearing and floated up into the air. I thought how pretty it was and how random to see it in the middle of the office, in January…. Then my friend Isy posted this…

I messaged to tell her. Then this morning she gets this on her FB feed… I love it when there is synchronicity like this.

I also typed the name of a supplier today and before I’d finished they were calling me! I love it!

So I’ve been in a good mood today. I’ve been working on pricing spreadsheets all day so I’m a bit square eyed but I enjoyed it. Compiling data. My fav.

I’m tired tonight. Craig’s working and I was planning to get lots done but actually I’m quite comfy sitting in on the couch relaxing…. Which is all I ever do on these winter nights. It’s hard to break that habit as I enjoy the chill out time after a working day.

I love this next one.

And this is so true….

So thankfully I release just about everything that goes on in my mind these days. No chance of me suppressing anything much. 😂

Nothing much else to report. There was a lovely sky when I left work at 4… such a shame the view is from an industrial estate!

It was light all the way home, which is lovely and the first time I’ve really noticed it. There was a lovely sun setting sky from the back garden too.

The pups are asleep and I have my feet up. Early night for me I think. Mrs spreadsheet head!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1360 back to the every day… 😆

EDIT: So for some reason my brain went from day 1359 to day 1400 and thanks to “anonymous” for pointing that out. It made me laugh a bit too hard!!! title amended… blog as it was!

******************

Wow, I wished I’d had a more exciting day for day 1400 but sadly not…. Days 1358 and 1359 have blown everything this week out the water 😁 still, I’m focussing on enejoykng the present moment so I didn’t wish the day away.

The pillow under my leg in bed is still working a treat. No sore knee overnight, I’m soooooo pleased about that. Even after that run and two walks yesterday, it’s ok sleeping. It’s sorer sitting at my desk than anything else.

So another frosty day but a lot less sunshine today. It was bitter.

This is Craig’s windscreen this morning., his car hadn’t been out since Saturday lunch.

Mine wasn’t as bad as we’d been at Gro Coffee last night.

I love this…. my friend Isy posted on FB today. She shares a lot of amazing things and I very rarely give her credit.

It’s beautiful.

It’s been soooo lovely to see the blue sky and sunshine…. Especially the fact there is no wind and rain…. It does feel like quiet time.

So work, stop for diesel and food shopping on the way home. This made me laugh.

So I’m just gonna share some more photos from the wonderful weekend.

Awwww precious memories, I just loved it.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1359 sleep, jog, dog walk, housework, dinner out!

Another great day in the life…. Though some random anxiety mid day… 🤷🏻‍♀️

I slept like a log last night…. Not surprising I guess after 10.7k in a kayak and all that sea air… but I did have my knee up on a big pillow at the physio’s advice. That seems to have made a difference, though tonight will be the real test as I’ve used my knee a lot today.

I went for a walk/jog/run with Rachel two doors down…. And we actually ran for most of the route, it’s so good to be back out there ~~running~~ jogging!

We did Tough Mudder together in 2022 and ran at a really similar pace. We stopped when either of us needed to and we both felt tired at different times. Neither of us actually like running, which is half the battle!

So at 10am today in the freezing cold thick frost, we gingerly set off. Baby jog steps!!

Selfie in motion!

It’s another stunningly beautiful day.

The roads were slippy!

We walked down the two slippy hills just to be on the safe side but did run most of the way.

Don’t think either of us expected that. Just plodding along at the same speed makes all the difference. We both don’t like to hold anyone up if we’re running with someone faster. It makes it less enjoyable.

So it wasn’t much, it ended up being 23 minutes but I think that’s a really good start.

It’s way more than I managed during the Christmas holidays. All in all today, 15,877 steps so far!

When I got in, I was still quite fired up so took Calaidh up the hill…..

Everything is so pretty in the frost.

Then who suddenly appeared?!? Nacho with Rachel!! He’s off to catch Calaidh!

The Garnock valley looks stunning with the the fog over Kilbirnie loch.

I came home and did housework before Criag and I took the dogs over to the field across the road. This is where my anxiety arose…..

I’m overwhelmed walking four dogs… it’s just completely above my pay grade. I imagined sooooo many things going on. I felt really anxious but instead of holding it all in, I did tell Craig. I didn’t want to spoil the walk and I knew I would if I held it all inside.

He wanted to take them down to Irvine beach park but I was worried there would be too many dogs down there.

When we were in the field I was upset by Khaleesi barking so much, which she does as she has fun…. I thought the dogs might get out the field, was worried someone else would come in the field and we shouldn’t be there. You name it… floods of anxiety.

Here’s the Scottish Dog Behaviourist sitting on a tree stump, calling a client who had some questions, while we were in the field.

The dogs had a blast!

I didn’t actually relax until we got home.

I need to do some work on that.

Here’s Leesi in her new coat. Bless her.

We decided to head to Gro Coffee in Irvine as I got vouchers from Craig’s mum and stepdad for my Christmas.

The sun was just starting to set when we arrived….not a breathe.

Love the way these flats are lit up by the sun.

You can’t book in Gro and they said it would be a 45 minute wait…. So I dragged Craig towards the sunset.

Look at the reflections! My friend Helen will be so proud of me for looking at the reflections.

TEN MINUTES later Gro called and we had to rush back!! There’s a bank of cloud running along the base of Arran so I think the actual sunset would have been stunning but we had to head back.

All of these were taken while walking very fast!!

Our food was the usual Gro standard…. Lovely! meat feast pizza, chicken tenders, halloumi fries and skin on fries.

So all in all, minus this afternoon’s anxiety, I’ve had THE best weekend.

It looks like it will be frosty and sunny most of the week. Long may it continue.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1358 kayaking in the Firth of Clyde from the Largs Pencil to Hunterston Pier and back! 🛶🛶

What an amazing day. Oh my word…. Just out of this world.

I am SHATTERED writing this but that could be because I had to sleep on the couch again last night due to my bad knee…. And the fact that Lindsay and I have kayaked 10.7K today from the Largs Pencil to Fairlie Pier, Fairlie, Hunterston Pier and beyond… then back.

It’s been a beautiful day, wall to wall sunshine and a real warmth to the sun, time spent with the best mentor and great chat!!

Now I’d like you to take the time to read this and remember that it’s only a few years since I sat in Gran’s chair and could barely manage to shower, clean my teeth or walk the dogs.

Here I am this morning in my dry suit! (This was gifted to me by a random lady we met in Castle Semple car park in Lochwinnoch, saving me about £300!)

We parked at Largs Marina and got the kayaks all ready to go. That’s the Largs Pencil in the distance, with the Largs ferry a tiny dot on the horizon!

The sun was so low we couldn’t see a thing to take this photo but apart from a lot of teeth, it work out fine! 😂

The sea was like a millpond.

I’ve missed this beautiful weather so much over the last few months.

It was actually quite warm in the sun.

Following Lindsay! She’s a great teacher and has all the safety equipment to keep me safe. This is my first time in the sea and the sea is not to be taken lightly.

We kayaked carefully, past the entrance to Largs Marina and carried on down to the Fairlie Pier.

And went right under it!

And out the other side!

We stopped for lunch on Fairlie Beach.

It was just beautiful.

Had to get the obligatory kayak photo in the water! That’s the isle of Great Cumbrae in the foreground to the right, Little Cumbrae to the left and Arran in the background.

Looking back to Fairlie as we leave.

We watched two tugs move this massive barge, full of large rocks, over to Great Cumbrae, to help build its flood defences.

Now heading to the Hunterston Pier.

Lindsay got some photos of me, just to prove I did it!

How beautiful is this?!?!? The view…. Not me 😂

We came back under both piers.

Honestly I have another million photos but these were some of the best.

I have had THE most amazing day. It’s not lost on me that for so long I thought life, as I knew it, was over.

My life is SO much better than it ever was. I have ALWAYS wanted to kayak out in the sea. We never knew Lindsay and Euan back then. Now we do, and they are so kind to lend us their equipment and help teach me.

Lindsay was so patient and safety conscious…. There’s not need to be scared. I was slighly anxious last night but absolutely buzzing ALL day today.

Life changes in ways you will never believe it possible.

It’s important to keep believing that.

If it’s bad for you just now, just be patient and try to be as grateful as you can, for all that you currently have.

Stay safe everyone 🛶♥️🛶

Day 1357 a self care kinda day and an afternoon with Gayle!

Wait till you hear about my morning… honestly, even I don’t believe what I spent the morning doing!

I had an amazing night’s sleep, out for the count all night. I’m so grateful for that.

I felt super refreshed.

I got up at 8, let the dogs out, fed the dogs, poop scooped the garden, took all the recycling to the bins and I felt so good after it all. I know how crazy that sounds. I get an amazing sense of calm when things are in order.

It’s a beautiful morning. It’s cold but no wind or rain and the sky is a lovely colour. Not good enough for photos but lovely nonetheless.

I made freshly ground, steaming hot, black coffee…. I write that and smile as it’s all about how you describe it. It was just a pot of black coffee but as I poured it, I thought of that wonderful description. It was a new bag of coffee beans that I’d bought from Curiosity coffee shop.

It was the nicely freshly ground coffee we’ve tried.

I then headed upstairs and sat with my Self Care Journal and filled out the first lot of pages. My main purpose in life… the things I enjoy, the things that make me happy and the things that get in the way of that happiness.

How do I feel emotionally, spiritually, in my friendships and relationships, environmentally, socially and then some.

What do I want to focus on this month?

I loved every minute of it.

I used a nice pen… why does that matter…. But it did.

I used some nice stickers! One that said today was a big day as I started to work in the journal.

I hear myself right now. I have NEVER done anything like this before and in fact I was scoff at those who did. Probably only because I was envious of their clarity of mind and vision that they wanted to do so much work on themselves… when I was barely holding it together.

It feels like time. It’s time to take back control of my life. No more boredom, feeling life is passing me by…. I’m going out to get it.

I did take this photo and send it to Craig. One is the bed made by a man and one is the bed made by a woman. 🤔

He replied with “which one did I do?!? Love you xxx” I laughed out loud!!

Khaleesi and Freya had a good snooze while I did all the hard work.

I then went for a shower and found a playlist…. 100 most uplifting songs ever…. And played that and sang along to it as I showered.

I was buzzing and I felt so alive.

I had physio for my knee at 12.40. It was an NHS appointment and the nurse was lovely. She asked so many questions about the pain, about family history of arthritis, about my psoriasis and she gave both knees a good workout to see what the issue was. She’s scheduled me for blood tests on 16th January to look for inflammatory disease and has given me exercises to do up to 3 times a day. She’ll call once the blood test results come back.

I then picked up Gayle and we headed to Curiosity coffee shop in Beith. I had a mint oat milk latte with Rocky road and Gayle had a hot chocolate with Cookies and Cream cake.

It was a lovely catch up, chat, coffee and cake!! We just joined 3 other folk at the table and chatted away.

We then went to Gayle’s wholesaler in Glasgow for SALE stickers for her Christmas sale when she opens back up in January.

When we left I drove on the wrong side of the road!!!!!

I couldn’t think what side of the street to on and chose the wrong one?!?! Thankfully it was a quiet street. Gayle kept me right!!

We headed to Silverburn shopping centre but I didn’t feel quite right after that. I was a bit dizzy and lightheaded. not sure if it was too much caffeine, dehydration or not enough food. It could have been any of them…. I felt very fuzzy headed.

We had a good wonder around the shops but the feeling never really left.

Home now and I do feel better after having had dinner. Comfies on and feet up. It’s been a busy day after so long doing nothing.

A very purposeful day.

I’m so surprised that I wanted to do this. So proud that I have and excited to see what it brings.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1356 that was a quick two day week!

I slept much better last night yet felt exhausted when the alarm went off.

When I finally got out of bed I actually managed to wake up pretty fast to face the day!

The dogs barked so I got them up too…. Here are Cal and Khal when I left for work. Khaleesi is a big dog but she can curl up into the smallest ball.

Work was good. I got all the 2024 spreadsheets pulled together, cleared out drawers and my samples box. I cleaned my desk and files. It feels great to refresh everything.

So I’m still in the positive mental attitude for now and I’ve got a whole host of things to share. My FB feed is full of positivity.

Read this one slowly.

I love the meaning in that. Your life is now.

I will definitely be doing this with my new self care journal.

So really that’s all for today. Not much doing. No plans this evening but pretty pleased with the short working week!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1355 first working day of 2024

Hi ho hi ho it’s off to work we go!

I was not quite that cheerful at 6.10am when the alarm went off this morning.

I couldn’t get to sleep last night at all… I came down to the couch, finished Matthew Perry’s book and then fell asleep for a few hours.

Of course I felt shattered when the alarm went off…. But bright at the same time.

Everything was ready to go, I just needed a shower.

It was torrential rain when I left. not sure the photos do it justice.

If you click on the photo and zoom into the street light it shows how bad it was!

Of course nothing goes according to the plan in your head… expecting a great first day with great progress and there were two guys on holiday and one off sick and then…. Time of the month rears its ugly head 😂 of course it does. May explain my maudlin mood these last few days. I would have found that all overwhelming in the past but none of it affected me. I just had a wry smile to myself.

Life has a way of throwing you off what you expect to happen but it’s all ok if you just let it be what it is. None of it is the end of the world.

I bet you all read that thinking course it’s not the end of the world…. But I would have made that all a big stress and drama in the past.

So a good day. Got lots done. Refreshed my befuddled head. Reminded myself what it is we do and how.

I had a lovely salad for lunch…. Followed by hot chocolate and choccie biscuits and pizza but hey…. The salad was genuinely the best part.

It was almost light the whole drive home!

I got my self care journal from Clever Fox today.

It has 90 days of mindful wellness planning. I’ve yet to get a good look at it but initial inspection is really interesting.

And I found the stickers! I’m going to spend a bit of time with it at the weekend.

I’ve never done anything like this before and I’m excited to see what it brings.

I’m not gonna sit back and be overwhelmed by a dark and moody January. This is the first time I don’t feel dread for the month of January. I feel hope and excitement for everything that it might bring. A very good friend told me just today that we have to live and love every moment.

I hear myself, I know it’s cheesy but I mean it. No more lounging around bored.

We also get an extra day this year as it’s a leap year…. 366 new pages!

I hope to write a beautiful story this year. I want to explore as much as possible and enjoy every minute as much as I can.

I am not going to write “what could possibly go wrong?” as I usually do…. I’m going to say bring on 2024.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1354 last day of the Christmas holiday & 5 years without drink!!

Another lazy day for me.

I really have to write down a list of things I could do when it’s raining and I can’t think of anything else to do!

I woke at 5 when someone’s alarm went off…. Randomly…. I was awake for an hour and went back to sleep until 10.20am!!!

10.20am. Unheard of.

I couldn’t wake up.

I was dreaming I was on my friend, Helen’s, roof down in Exmouth. I was with Cillian Murphy of Peaky Blinders fame and we were watching for the Aurora Borealis. I was showing him how he could view it through the phone…. Go figure. 🤦🏻‍♀️

No wonder I didn’t want to wake up. 😂

I have been a bit aimless again today but I’ve embraced it. I’ve enjoyed reading some more of Matthew Perry’s book.

Craig and I took all the dogs out for a walk and the heavens opened! I seem to have forgotten to take photos. It was really grey and damp looking.

I ordered a self care journal, recommended to me by my blogger Buddy The Windsor Waffle.

I feel I do need a bit of direction and I hope this will help. I wanted it in the bright sunshine yellow but it was sold out so I went for the rose gold.

I was happy not to set New Year’s resolutions but I don’t want to feel this rudderless again any time soon. I’ve not embraced it.

I’m excited to think about what I want from the coming months. I am not going to give in to January blues.

Today I also celebrate my 5 years without alcohol.

Have a good look at this. I used to be embarrassed by it but not now. I have saved £14,000 by not drinking. I have not consumed 787,800 calories that I might have consumed in alcohol!!!!

With hindsight it would have been nice to have that £14k sitting around to spend.

Actually as I think about that…. Maybe that money helped allow us to keep the house when I left the big job. That’s pretty fair to say I think.

I’ve found being alcohol free this Christmas, pretty hard. It’s felt a bit of a lonely place to be apart from New Year’s Day where I drank Coke Zero and didn’t bat an eyelid.

I still make such a big thing about it in my head. I feel hard done to that I have chosen this path…. But have chosen this for all the right reasons.

I need to make some peace with my sobriety and accept it as my way of life and stop banging on about it…. It’s become a bit all consuming. Except to celebrate my increasing years obviously!!

When I read that through… maybe that’s why I’ve been bored? We’re so used to drinking through the holidays that I’ve actually not been sure what else to do with myself…. Even after all this time. Maybe the self care journal will help with that. I’m so excited to get it… there are stickers!!! 🥳😊🥳

We’ve had a lovely steak pie dinner tonight.

A mahoosive plateful…. Calaidh’s eyes say it all! When there’s two of you, you share a steak pie…. I’m not sure how it would be enough for 4 people. It was super tasty but way too much pastry.

Craig made his own roasties, with goose fat. They were really good.

I also managed 25 out of 26 fasts 12 hour fasts in December. I’d signed up to do 12 lots of 12 hours! Yesterday I had to hit the button at 11 hours and 57 minutes…. I should have waited those 3 minutes but I forgot about the challenge. 😂😂

So back to work tomorrow. Always hate the end of a holiday but I’ve learned a lot about myself while I’ve been off. I’m looking forward to some routine again.

The salad is made already, in my new salad tub, ready to go. My clothes are all ready to go. My head is ready.

2024 here we come.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1353 New Year’s Day 2024!!

I did type 2023 there. Course I did…. 😂

Happy New Year!

I started off the year with a rotten sleep and “woke” feeling really tearful and a bit down.

We went to bed at 2am and I woke at 4am with a throbbing knee and came downstairs to lie by the light of the tree one last time.

I lay there thinking what I heard on a podcast yesterday.

Why don’t I choose to be happier?

Why do I choose to be sad?

Ellison had messaged me yesterday and said she hoped I was enjoying the break from work…. I actually cringed when I thought jeez… some people are just never happy (meaning myself…. Not her!!)

I realised that I’ve been miserable doing nothing, while it’s actually been valuable time off work. Time that I would kill for when I’m actually AT work. Why can’t I appreciate what I have when I have it?

I spent yesterday’s blog telling everyone to appreciate the present moment, yet I seem to have been in a proper humph about everything this holiday.

I have NOT been choosing to be happy.

I’ve been choosing to be sad.

I tried to go back to bed after I’d let the dogs out and fed them this morning.

I just lay there being unkind to myself.

Talking down to myself.

The voice in my head was incessant. Until….

Today I’m going to choose to be happy.

I smiled when I thought that.

Life is what you make it…. I said that only yesterday.

I got up and went outside with the dogs. The sky was lovely.

Trying to get a photo of the puppers and here comes Khaleesi the photobomb!!

She was having a blast.

I then wandered down the bottom of the garden in my jammies and turned around to see this lovely rainbow over our houses.

Khaleesi is still careering around 😂😂

It started to rain but I stayed out in it to appreciate the moment.

I can almost see two rainbows in this next picture.

I sent some of the neighbours some photos as I thought it was really lovely right over our houses.

I then headed back in and had a good chat with Craig about how I’d been feeling and what I thought I needed to change. It was good for me. I felt better after it.

We had a good tidy and clean and sadly took down the Christmas tree. I’ve lost my lovely twinkly lights. I say that but the house is all fresh and clean and ready for going back to work.

The pub was open for New Year’s Day from 1pm so we headed in for about 2. I made a point of putting on a dress and putting makeup on as I wanted to make an effort.

New Year’s Day is a big day in our village life. We see lots of the villagers we don’t always see.

Rachel two doors down was my New Year’s Day “drinking” buddy!

I’ve had a lovely afternoon. I switched from 0% pink gin and slimline tonic, to Coke Zero pretty early on as I think the tonic was giving me a headache. I was totally fine drinking Coke Zero and didn’t feel strange for once.

I didn’t take my new favourite scarf off! The pub was cold!

We had lots of good chat. I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. The chat just flowed.

We came home and ordered a takeaway from the new Indian in Beith. It was super fast delivery, HUGE portions and really good.

We have steak pie for today but thought we would cook that tomorrow when we have more time during the day.

So after a shaky start, I’ve had a lovely day. I’ve turned my head around.

Rachel and I have agreed to start a weekly run…. Even if we just start walking.

We ran together in Tough Mudder last year and ran at a similar pace. I want to do some more cardio and know I’m not likely to stick to it by myself.

So first step taken to making some changes.

She who doesn’t do New Year’s resolutions…. 😂

So on the eve of my last day off, I realise I really appreciate the time I’ve had off work. Even if I did just rest, read and watch movies… I musta needed it.

It’s 8.20pm and we have 364 more days of this new year to go and 364 more chances to be happy.

It’s our choice.

Stay safe everyone ♥️🫶🏼♥️