Day 1343 a busy Monday in December (with yet more reflections!)

Wow I really had to stretch for that title… what else can I say on a regular working day.

I had THE best sleep again… woke up 4 minutes before the alarm…. We’d been in bed from 9.30 too.

Rachel two doors down, has decorated the village hall tree and it looks lovely!

Actually it’s a tinny blip on the horizon in this photo of the village hall looking festive. it’s a lot bigger than it looks here!

There was a lovely sunrise once I got to work.

It’s really strange driving to and from work in total darkness just now.

It’s 6°C today which should be positively tropical compared to the cold spell we’ve had… yet it was cold. I didn’t have all my thermal gear on. I had to take a tin of soup for lunch today and boy, was it rough after all my homemade soup!

I was meant to be off on holiday today for Christmas shopping but have a lovely lady’s funeral on Thursday 21st so had to hold my holiday for that. It’s fine as the day passed quickly with no drama from the Julesie for a change. 😂

The above is so true. It’s just about remembering to change your natural reactions when you respond to something. It’s not always easy but being aware of it is half the battle.

I went to the Aldi after work tonight and it was HEAVING….. I helped a wee lady find the Aldi alternative to Bisto gravy granules and she was so pleased with me. She said she knew she was right to ask me…. She made me smile all the way around the shop. I then looked for her when I found actual Bisto on one of the centre aisles, but I couldn’t see her. I love making those small connections with people I don’t know. Something simple, something nice and we both have a wee smile.

Christmas is a difficult time for so many people.

I’ll tell you I hate Christmas and New Year… but really I don’t have the evidence to back that up anymore. I just think I do.

Please know that any of these numbers are available to you in the UK.

Early December 2019, I was at my lowest ebb… I honestly couldn’t see how I could make it through Christmas and New Year. The pressure to be festive. The pressure to perform. Watching everyone else “appear” happy and festive. Eating, drinking and being merry. I just wanted to cry all the time. I wanted to hide. Not to be seen by anyone.

Thankfully I went to the Doctor as it was so bad and she really listened. She saw the state I had got into and she decided to change my anti-depressants. I could hear the concern in her voice. She booked me the first appointment on the 27th December at 9am so that I knew I was going to see her and give her an update.

Quite honestly I was never going to do anything bad but I felt so low that I just couldn’t see the point of life anymore.

I think it’s important for me to keep talking about that as to see me now you wouldn’t think it.

We have no idea what’s going on in other peoples heads. We have to be kind to everyone we meet.

Christmas doesn’t have to be the matching jammies, the perfect tree, the most nights out. Christmas can be a quiet time too. It is what you make it and not for comparison with others, that look like they have it more together than you do.

Just do what you want and when you want it. Be kind to yourself.

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎄🎄

Day 1342 reflections on my anxieties but we had a lovely evening 🎄🥰

It’s 11.07am and I am sitting on the couch with a freshly ground coffee (decaf!) in my lovely new glass that Claire gave me for my birthday.

We had a lovely evening but didn’t get home until 2am. 😳🤦🏻‍♀️😬 That’s unheard of for me! I managed to stay awake just long enough to drive home.

So in true Julie fashion, I’ll tell you some of the anxieties behind the lovely night.

We haven’t seen Craig’s mum and step dad for far too long so it was lovely to be going up to see them at their house. It’s always so festive!

This is how big the snowman ⛄️ is!

Craig’s mum always wants to see the dogs and I have HUGE anxiety taking them anywhere. So Craig obviously wants to take the dogs and his mum wants them to come. Am I the only one that thinks that’s a crazy idea?!?!

I always see the worst in them. I grew up with the children should be seen and not heard and I guess I think that my dogs should be the same… which they are most certainly not. They are dogs. (Obviously)

I can’t imagine why anyone would want 4 dogs running around their lovely Christmassy home…. As I write that I actually have a wee tear… how awful is that that I am ashamed of them?!? There’s hair and dirty paws…. I mean it was torrential rain for two solid days…. Then there’s the noise… especially when they get very excited. Four dogs are impossible for me to control in my total control world.

Maybe it’s time to let go of some of that control and relax a wee bit (no shit Sherlock!)

The dogs were amazing. Craig was amazing with them, as usual. ♥️

There’s a pattern in my life…. I expect the worst, worry so much in advance and it’s never as bad as I think. I don’t know that I’m worrying. I just chose the path of least resistance. I feel so much better these days but it’s because I’m avoiding certain things that have the potential to make me feel bad again. Wow wore tears. Honestly I can’t recommend journaling enough…. I had no idea what I was going to write when I sat down and all this profound stuff comes tumbling out.

Look at them…. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Craig’s mum had them literally eating right out of her hand. Bless. They followed her around whenever she moved. if you look to the right of her… Princess Cookie the Chihuahua is snuggled on her blanket on the couch! This is the first time Khaleesi has spent any time in anyone’s house. She loved being at her new Gran’s house 🥰

Calaidh and Bhru always love Grans.

We were sure there was someone out there?!?!

Yes the were muddy in the garden but Craig’s mum had a big rug at the back door that caught most of the muddy paws and Doug said any mud hoovers up fine the next day, when it’s dried.

We had a lovely dinner! Silverside roast beef and ALL the trimmings and then some.

Doug & Helen.

Cookie is a little overwhelmed.

She usually follows Calaidh everywhere she goes, but not so much this time. she wasn’t too impressed with Khaleesi joining their gang. She growled at Khaleesi a few times and Leesi got the message and jumped away.. it was quite funny to see. I still managed to get some Cookie cuddles! Tickle my tummy Auntie Julie 😂😂😘

A bit blurry but Calaidh sporting my Christmas cracker hat!!

Bless her.

I then had the anxiety of a foggy drive home in Craig’s mahoosive car at 2am. I used to take stuff like that in my stride. Not so much now. I was so relieved to get home…. Incident free obviously!

So…. This.

I think today is going to be all about the cosy blanket. I’m curled up on the couch with Calaidh at my feet. Bhru and Leesi are over on the other couch and Freya is lying on the floor. I’m so, so proud of them. And me… I’m pretty proud of me for figuring it all out.

Also I should say I hit my 1,800 days alcohol free on Thursday… kept forgetting to write about it.

For anyone who knows me, you will understand the true enormity of this. I loved a good drink… my life revolved around it. I need it to make me tick, I’d got into such a rut at work and I guess in life full stop. It was my one release. A chance to forget how dreadfully unhappy I was trying to please everyone except myself. As time went on it stopped numbing the pain and only added to the pain. The shame, regret, hangovers, blackouts.

Drinking is not for me.

It means I get to sit with the awkward, raw and uncomfortable emotions that I feel at times….. 😳😬

But most of all I get to be free.

Stay safe everyone 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

Day 1341 soaking wet dog walks and up at the in-laws for the afternoon 🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄

I slept like a log.

I felt so grateful when I woke. I still have stomach cramp but I slept right through. The best sleep ever…..

It’s still torrential rain. Absolutely stotting down and meeting itself on the way back up. It’s bouncing!

I changed the bed, sorted through all the Christmas presents that I’ve bought so far and tidied the bedroom. I was on a roll.

I decided I better start the dog walks while I was on a roll…. Oh my word it was sooooo wet!!

I was soaking wet after the first walk so I just kept going. It’s so different from last weeks walks…. Despite the torrential train, I was actually enjoying the walks.

I had to have a shower when I got back in…. I was soaked through to the skin.

I did a quick dog goony photo shoot first!

Khaleesi asking, does my bum look big in this 😂😂😂

So we’re up at the in-laws now for the evening. Not seen them in ages. Craig and Doug are watching the Rangers game.

So is Bhru!

Their tree is beautiful!!

More photos tomorrow.

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎄🎄

Day 1340 a very busy Friday! 🎁🎁🎁

It’s 17.35 and I am actually too knackered to even write a blog tonight. 🫶🏼😂

I was so restless all night and woke to really bad stomach cramp and eventually had to take paracetamol and ibuprofen, this morning.

Another year until I can say I’m menopausal. 🙌🏼

I felt washed out, drained…. I tried to have a mindful shower. I opened new shampoo and conditioner and the smell was just beautiful. I massaged the shampoo into my wet hair and rather than focussed on my whirring mind, I kept bringing it back to appreciating the experience of the shower… the warmth of the water… the smell new Body Shop Satsuma shower gel which came in box 8 of my advent calendar…. Taking my time rather than rushing. The only downside is that my lovely friend Anne McNerlin introduced me to the idea of the mindful shower… I think of her EVERY time I try to have mindful shower. 😂😂 It makes me giggle as I try to be mindful…. Thinking stop thinking of Anne… stop thinking of Anne 😂😂😘 it is nice to just take some time to breathe and not over dramatise the cramp by feeling all sorry for myself.

I had a Christmas toes nail appointment at 9am and they are lovely red sparkles…. Not subjecting you to pics…. To be fair no-one else will see them. Gone are the days my Christmas toes would be out in a pair of high heeled sandals. 😉 good luck finding them under the socks and Uggs 😂

Then off to a very busy day in the little gift shop.

As soon as I’m there I forget all about how rotten I feel and the day flies by. Gayle gets us lovely corned beef salad rolls for lunch and we had a super busy day. There are just so many lovely people coming into that shop. I love the atmosphere, especially at such a busy time.

So I’m home… in comfies and honestly don’t want to move for the rest of the night.

Our beautiful tree is right next me. I must look at it more and enjoy it. It’s so pretty against the old stone wall. I think it’s the best tree we’ve ever had. The Gateside Plant Centre posted that they’ve almost sold out of their Christmas trees this year… that’s amazing as it’s only the 8th. They’ve done so well. I’m sure it was a week later last year. Their trees are the best real trees I’ve ever seen.

Craig’s made a lovely roast chicken dinner.

And relax.

Note to self…. Still managed to write a blog 😂

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎄🎄

Day 1339 torrential rain all day 🌧️ 🌧️🌧️🌧️

What a dismal weather day. It just did it stop raining and when you work in a porta cabin, it sounded so much worse than it probably was. It was dark by about 3pm.

I fasted for nearly 18 hours but still ate a lot of chocolate biscuits once I’d broken my fast. Can’t imagine how many I’d have eaten if I’d eaten them all morning too….

So a very quick blog tonight as I’m helping Gayle at the Beith Primary School Christmas Fayre tonight. Better get the Christmas jumper on and head down the road!

How lovely is this… sent to me by the lovely Isy. She hits the nail on the head every time. A very special soul.

Fiver years ago I was a mess… crying in Gran’s chair… feeling like I’d let everyone down. Now I’m growing.

Ho ho ho…. Off to be Christmassy!!!

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄

Day 1338 a very frosty Wednesday with photos of our beautiful wreath making 🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄

It’s was such a heavy frost today. Again I’m grateful to have the heating back on. There was a lovely warmth from the bathroom radiator. 😂

The car was frosted solid, if that’s even a thing?! It took me at least 10 minutes of scraping before I got it cleared. Made it to work with 4 minutes to spare.

First things first, the world lost another lovely lady yesterday, my uncle’s Mum. She was such a breath of fresh air. I know I say that a lot of people are lovely but she really inspired me. She moved out to live in an apartment in Spain in her later life. She always had a giggle, a cheeky wink and a smile. She never seemed to complain, certainly not when I spoke to her. I was so sad to hear about that yesterday too. Heaven has a few more angels (that I know of) this week.

So the Christmas wreath making last night was SO much fun. we walked across the road to the Gateside Plant Centre for 7pm.

It was our Memorial Hall Committee Christmas night out! 😂

Elly did so well explaining every step of the way. We had a giggle and we were all very creative. Everyone’s wreaths were so well done.

Almost finished, just needing a bow.

I took some lovely hot chocolate and had that with marshmallows and sprinkles. Here’s my finished wreath. I’m super pleased with it.

Michelle and I ♥️♥️ we had such a giggle looking for fluffy bits…. 😂😂

Anne and I ♥️♥️

Claire with her lovely purple wreath.

Rachel’s looks lovely on her blue door two doors down!

Here we all are, a lovely bunch and a special night.

What a super event. I can’t wait to make next years’ already, it’s quite addictive!

Our street looks lovely as we have 3 doors in a row all with original Christmas weaths!

I took another photo of it this morning… of course it did.

One last thing before I head off to meet the Crochet Hookers….

I’m listening to a really good podcast again which I’ll post a link to. I’ve listened to the first 45 minutes and it’s really worth listening to. Steven Bartlett interviews Mel Robbins. The show notes explain the subject matter:

I’m totally hooked and can’t wait to hear what comes next. Her words on our inner critic hit me between the eyes. My inner critic talks to me ALL the time, telling me how useless I am, how I could have handled a situation better, why did I say what I said, why did I do what I did, you name it. She tears strips off me. I’m sure many of us are the same.

It’s actually unfair of me to say she talks to me all the time… she’s a lot kinder to me now as writing the blog has quietened her a bit. But when she starts…. She kicks off.

Mel explains how we handle our inner critic and what makes us unhappy. I’m captivated!

Here’s the link if you fancy it.

Mel Robbin’s on Diary of a CEO

I get all excited about these things and want to share them but realise not everyone wants to listen to a podcast. I do highly recommend it.

So off to crochet now!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1337 welcome to Club Tropicana!!

The heating is back on almost a whole week later! We’re sitting in our shorts and T-shirts…. No we’re not but it feels lovely just to have that air or warmth again.

There was a reset button on the boiler that we couldn’t find so we were £40 to get it fixed, thankfully that was all that it was! I’m so grateful there wasn’t anything else wrong.

So while I lounge back on the couch eating an ice lolly…. 😂 it’s been a really reflective day today…. At lunchtime I saw a post of FB saying that a girl I used to work with years ago had died. It was one of those shocks that you actually can’t comprehend.

I reckon we worked together in 2006, we probably haven’t spoken since but followed each others lives on FB. She has two beautiful young boys as I am just devastated for them. I can’t stop thinking about her.

She was such a lovely girl, very sweet and quite quiet but determined. She was great at her job. Nothing was too much trouble for her. She was good fun. She listened like she cared. Life takes you off in different directions but it doesn’t mean you don’t remember someone as if it was yesterday. Taken far too soon. I think she was a fair bit younger than me. Just devastating for everyone close to her. There are lots of other people expressing shock on the post too. I hope her husband takes some comfort as everyone is talking about her the way I remember her. 💔

It’s been a sad and reflective day.

All that said, it’s cleared my head of the fug of the last few days. I feel like I’ve been able to think more clearly and be more focussed.

And….. drumroll… tonight I’m heading up to the Gateside Plant Centre for Christmas wreath making! Elly who’s family own the Plant Centre is going to get the Memorial Hall Committee all making Christmas wreaths.

I have hot chocolate at the ready to take up with me.

Pics to follow tomorrow!

Stay safe everyone and hug your loved ones a bit closer tonight ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1336 a warm day in the office!!

We were in bed for 8.30pm again last night, slept right through until 6am. Musta needed it! Warmest place to be in the house to be fair.

We’re still coping without heating. I think I’ve adjusted pretty well. I was ROASTING at work today having sat on top of the office heater with all my thermal clothing on today…. 😂😂

The snow is all but gone and the wind is picking up… looks like it will be stormy for the next few days. It was lovely to have that snowy weather over the weekend.

There’s nothing interesting to report today. Just another day in the life…. I’ve been on the lasagne diet… lasagne for lunch and dinner…. I think this might be Craig’s best one yet. It’s sooooo good.

I have soup in the slow cooker as I went for a food shop after work so am stocked back up with salads for lunches too.

My friend Isy sent me this lovely sentiment early on today… I think we could all use it.

So true isn’t it? Also this….

This was posted by Ayrshire Counselling and CBT where I went for my own CBT back in 2019…. I thought this was really powerful.

Hmmm food for deep thought.

I’m still not full of the joys of spring in the present moment just now. I’m not sure why, I’m just a bit off.

Something wasn’t right with one of my calculations at work today and my fight or flight mode was in overdrive.

Once I got help to figure out the answer… it was a clear as the nose on my face, right in front of me on the spreadsheet. It was so obvious.

It still amazes me how my brain can deny me the clarity as it’s too busy berating me for not being able to find the answer. A section of my brain shut down while it chastises me…… then it suddenly clicks and I realise I’ve done it right all along and it was just a timing thing. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Within 10 minutes, what seems like the end of the world is actually nothing.

That’s kind of be the way of the day. Anyhoo… let’s end with some Scottish funnies…. 😂

Think only Scots will get that last one but let’s see…… 😂😂 actually I should give a hint… to be fair.

Stay safe everyone 😂😂😂

Day 1335 a beautiful misty morning of dog walks and the Christmas tree is up 🎄

I had a lovely wee evening to myself last night. Stayed wrapped up and kept topping up the fires in the dining room and sun room. By 9pm I’d taken my hat off…. Was feeling the heat!

I watched two really good movies….. I chose…. Wisely. 😂 quoting Indiana Jones 😂

I slept right through to Calaidh barking around 6,30 and managed to snooze until 8am.

We still have snow but it’s really misty today. I started dog walks before 9 and finished just before 12pm!! I’m sitting here wondering why I am absolutely shattered…. 😬😂😂 maybe that’s why!!!

I took Bhru out diets. Her walk was the best as the clouds cleared to give some dramatic sunshine, while the mist kept swirling around.

We went into Spiers Old School Grounds.

My favourite gate of all gates.

By the time I got out with Calaidh it had all misted over and showed no signs of clearing.

By this time Craig was home from his brothers so we headed up to the Gateside Plant Centre across the road, to get our Christmas tree.

I had to jump in the sled 🛷

We got a beautiful tree!!!

It’s almost too pretty to decorate.

As challenging as it is to get 3 dogs wearing scarves, in front of the Christmas tree…. Try 4!!!

Cala8dh shouldn’t be in the dark scarf and poor Khaleesi looks like she’s wearing a shawl!!! I may try this again sometime but for a first pass it will do.

Not happy about this scarf malarkey but loving the treats… s’pose it was worth it for that!

I feel absolutely shattered today. I had so much I wanted to do as it’s my only day in the house….. but I feel like an exhausted dead weight. I had a shower, got Christmas jammies on and went to bed for an hour and half and was out for the count. I’m still tired. I have lost all of my oomph. When I lie down my knee starts thumping like I’m forcing it to lie at the wrong angle…. I still fall asleep.

I always start to panic in December that I’m running out of time when I haven’t really thought about presents yet.

I guess that’s ok. I need to allow myself to rest. Not felt this way for a good wee while. Again… I guess that’s ok. This too shall pass.

Still no heating but I’ve definitely adjusted to the temperature. It’s cold but it’s bearable and layerable 😂😂

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️

Day 1334 we woke up to SNOW!!

I got up to the loo at 6.30am and Craig said to look out the window! What a shock to see a huge blanket of snow.

Obviously this photo wasn’t at 6.30am…. More like 7.30 by the time we got up.

She who usually has one eye constantly fixated on the weather forecast…. Did not see this coming! There were a few tiny flakes when we were out the back with the dogs last night. I didn’t even bat an eyelid…

It’s so pretty.

We had to make a plan to try to capture Khaleesi’s first snow 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂

Craig went out round the pub so he could come into the back garden with fresh snow so I could let her out the back door.

She was not impressed to start off with… she ran out… seemed confused, tried to see if she could eat it…. And ran back in!! Poor Craig’s half way down the garden waiting for her 😂 I got her back outside and she finally clocked Craig and went bounding towards him! She’s always so excited to see him. there are no decent photos arms it was all video.

I’m all sent for my walk to the little gift shop.

It’s a beautiful morning… a cold walk but got some lovely shots. I’m like a kid in a sweetie shop, walking and taking photos.

This is the A737 and one of the busiest junctions, the Gateside – Beith cross. it’s usually heaving.

Another good morning at the shop and all too soon it’s time to walk back home.

It’s such a lovely day… there’s a real cold air hanging over the snow.

I played with the dogs for a bit. Craig’s only just left for the weekend so they’ve been out all morning. They’re still so excited.

It’s hard work all this snow play!

I had to clean all the snow off the car and headed over the Largs to pick up my new reading glasses. I’ve never seen the tide so night and there’s no snow in Largs given that it’s obviously at sea level.

There’s a nice sunset too.

I treated myself to lemon sole and chips from the Fish Works again.

I ate one half in the car!

I ate the other half at home!! Khaleesi is beside me. 😂

So I’m all wrapped up cosy.

I had to get wood in from the wood store but both fires are going strong and I have an electric fire in the living room and one outside then bathroom. Our friends Lindsay and Euan dropped a heater off today and Gayle was going to lend me one from the shop.

It’s amazing how our body’s adjust to the temperature. What shocked me to the core on Thursday is now becoming the new norm. I’m sure we didn’t have central heating when we were kids… I’ve survived it before and will again. Called three guys but have no one booked yet. One was only oil heating and sadly he’s the one that answered!!

Anyhoo. Happy Saturday night!

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️ and warm… stay warm!

Day 1333 the first day of advent 2023!

It was a cold start to the day…..

We have no heating so I downloaded a thermometer on my phone to see what temperature it was outside…. Yup… I did think it would give me the indoor temperature 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂 bless.

The actual thermostat for the heating was 12°C when I checked it… that’s pretty cold in a pair of jammies!

Craig’s tried everything and it’s still not working.

How funny is this….

Freya must have been lying on the grass heating up the frost for a while 🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂 so cute!

Got another pic of all the girls before I headed out. It’s super cold this morning.

So thankfully I’m at the little gift shop from 9.30 until 8pm…. There is heating!!

It’s Beith’s Christmas lights switch on tonight so the shop is staying open for it.

We’ve had a great day but I’m so tired I could cry…. It’s absolutely flown in. We’ve had great chat, seen so many lovely customers and Gayle got 1st prize in the best Beith Christmas window!!!!

Hard to get a photo without the dentist in the background 😂

She had these giant gonks up for raffle just now. You can’t imagine how big they are until you are next to them.

Some lovely, lovely stuff!

We went to Curiosity coffee shop for a hot chocolate and cake at 5pm. Curiosity’s Christmas trees are lovely too. it’s such a lovely space and Lesley is full of the chat!!

We enjoyed it back at the shop!

I had sticky toffee cake!

So a great day but super tired now. Heating’s still not fixed but it feels less of a shock to the system tonight…. She says, yet to get undressed for bed 😂 it won’t be long though.

Stay safe everyone 🎄🎅🏼🧑🏼‍🎄